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"Then do it. It's up to her to tell her mum and dad. No one else." Thats true but i wouldnt fancy being in my shoes if my sister got married and my mum found out after i knew and didnt tell her Theres always a bigger picture life isnt black and white | |||
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"your pretty much spot on granny im not going cos all hell did break loose and for many other reasons that iand most of her other fsamily and friends dont think she should be with him or be marrying him.She is my sis and i love her but i cant bear to watch her do it." To be fair i have done this, but with my best friend, i have been mates with her many years and love her dearly but i knew the guy she was marrying was a wanker and just after her money but she was so in love with him she couldnt see it and i couldnt watch her make the biggest mistake of her life, so i kept away but made sure she knew i was there for her Turned out 2 years later he devorced her and took her for everything | |||
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"Just tell her you won't lie if mum or dad say .........oi is your sister getting married." i have told her i will do it i won't spill the beans upfront (i want her to have trust in me), but on the condition that she tells mum and dad once it's done i accept her wish for it to be a 'business like affair' but i am not harbouring secrets long term | |||
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"If you love her as much as you say you do then go to the wedding ... you dont have to love the bloke, you dont even have to like the bloke but she clearly does and at the end of the day its her choice whether to marry him or not. If it all goes wrong like you imagine it will then be there for her then too, thats what sisters do x" I'd agree with this. She is being deserted. I thought arranged marriages were not the done thing in this country. I don't much care for one of my son in laws but he married my daughter and she would never know I have my beady eye on him. | |||
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"Just tell her you won't lie if mum or dad say .........oi is your sister getting married. i have told her i will do it i won't spill the beans upfront (i want her to have trust in me), but on the condition that she tells mum and dad once it's done i accept her wish for it to be a 'business like affair' but i am not harbouring secrets long term " I assume she has her reasons for wanting to keep this a low key affair and not making a more public commitment? But she loves you so much that she can't bear to do this without you there. Maybe she hasn't told you everything yet? A very close friend of mine got married just like this and her parents found out at her much bigger, more public, everyone involved wedding to her second husband. I heard the ripples from the back of the room moving forward that the wedding couldn't go ahead as the papar work was wrong. This is now one of the great stories about a lovely magical day. Another couple I know married in this way after 25 years together. They didn't want the fuss but realised after a health scare that financially it was much easier if they got the bit of paper. Their parents know now and it was awkward for a week or so until the realised nothing fundamental had changed. | |||
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"Then do it. It's up to her to tell her mum and dad. No one else. Thats true but i wouldnt fancy being in my shoes if my sister got married and my mum found out after i knew and didnt tell her Theres always a bigger picture life isnt black and white" I wouldn't to be in his shoes either but it's no good his mum and dad blaming him. If his sister says she doesn't want anyone to know then it has to be honoured. It's the sister I think is wrong in putting people in that position. She should let people tell and be honest with mum n dad that she doesn't want them there. | |||
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"I just told my sister i wont be going to her wedding and all hell has broken loose....life sucks sometimes.bloody families " Families are complicated at the best of times. You don't like the man she is marrying but that is just when she may need you most. How do you take care of her if you are no longer in her life? | |||
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"Just tell her you won't lie if mum or dad say .........oi is your sister getting married. i have told her i will do it i won't spill the beans upfront (i want her to have trust in me), but on the condition that she tells mum and dad once it's done i accept her wish for it to be a 'business like affair' but i am not harbouring secrets long term I assume she has her reasons for wanting to keep this a low key affair and not making a more public commitment? But she loves you so much that she can't bear to do this without you there. Maybe she hasn't told you everything yet? A very close friend of mine got married just like this and her parents found out at her much bigger, more public, everyone involved wedding to her second husband. I heard the ripples from the back of the room moving forward that the wedding couldn't go ahead as the papar work was wrong. This is now one of the great stories about a lovely magical day. Another couple I know married in this way after 25 years together. They didn't want the fuss but realised after a health scare that financially it was much easier if they got the bit of paper. Their parents know now and it was awkward for a week or so until the realised nothing fundamental had changed." i know why she's doing it and i know why she wants it to be business like and have gone along with it mainly for those reasons. but not telling mum and dad at all, has never been an option for me and told her that from the outset. | |||
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"If you love her as much as you say you do then go to the wedding ... you dont have to love the bloke, you dont even have to like the bloke but she clearly does and at the end of the day its her choice whether to marry him or not. If it all goes wrong like you imagine it will then be there for her then too, thats what sisters do x" This for me too ^^^^^ | |||
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"Families re complicated and perhaps if my sister ever though of or about me then she wouldnt be in this position.The guy has wasted her as it is and ive sat back and watched her become a wreck.I cant sit and be a hypocrit and be at the ing when i dont approve and i really really hate the guy(and i dont usualy use the hate word),I have had it out with him for what he is doing to her and she chose him over me and the rest of our family " Why does there have to be a choice? Would you not marry someone if one of your family told you they didn't like him? | |||
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"I don't speak to my family. They don't know where I live nor pretty much anything about my life. Threads like this in someways make me glad I made the decision and glad that I don't have to deal with all the bullshit and pretence. But, and to be honest it's a huge but, not speaking to them is actually pretty horrid. So O{P be careful what you wish for. Your reasons for not going are purely selfish, so think long and hard because if you end up ostracised will it be worth it?" Its not be ostracised mate , i have all my friends and family its her who is on her own...and im not being selfish at all...infact im anything but selfish.. | |||
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"my sister is getting married next month and has asked me to be a witness but, and here's where it has compromised me a bit, she doesn't want anyone to know other than her, her intended and the 2 witnesses that includes not telling mum and dad " I always wondered what the hell Marvin Gaye was droning on about | |||
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"I don't speak to my family. They don't know where I live nor pretty much anything about my life. Threads like this in someways make me glad I made the decision and glad that I don't have to deal with all the bullshit and pretence. But, and to be honest it's a huge but, not speaking to them is actually pretty horrid. So O{P be careful what you wish for. Your reasons for not going are purely selfish, so think long and hard because if you end up ostracised will it be worth it? Its not be ostracised mate , i have all my friends and family its her who is on her own...and im not being selfish at all...infact im anything but selfish.. " So not going to her wedding because you don;t like her husband is not selfish? And it seems odd that according to your original post all hell has broken lose when you said you weren't going. Because my sense of logic suggests that surely if everyone was in agreement like you claim then it wouldn;t have come as such a surprise to them? | |||
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"Its not just one of us lol and i do understand i havent given much informaion away so thats my fault lol, but when u watch ur sister be beat uo time and time again and have always been there for her yet shes never there for me, and when u change ur life for her and her kids yet she keeps gpoing back to him then there comes a point when u say u know what ur a big lass, deal with it yourself now as i cant keep helping you and affecting my life when you keep going back ....i wont be at her wedding but il always be there for her " Having to choose family or him still shouldn't be an issue if you have told her to deal with things herself. | |||
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"If you love her as much as you say you do then go to the wedding ... you dont have to love the bloke, you dont even have to like the bloke but she clearly does and at the end of the day its her choice whether to marry him or not. If it all goes wrong like you imagine it will then be there for her then too, thats what sisters do x" | |||
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