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Honesty....

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

When is a lie a white lie...and when does it become a full blown lie? Is it a matter of what the lie is designed to achieve?

No agenda or reason, just something I discussed with a couple of zoom mates.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

A lie is a lie. There are different motives for lying, some better than others but it's still lying and calling it a fib or putting white in front of it makes no difference in my opinion.

I lie obviously, there aren't many people who don't.II've been eating my friends horrible cake for years and telling her it's delicious because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, it boils down to why the lie is told.

For deceit, it's a full blown lie.

Telling kids Santa exists is harmless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The intention behind it, like sparing someone's pain could be honourable.. and that would change the outlook a little.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a great question. One of my biggest hates is "well I'm only telling them the truth". Yes well you crushed them and they didn't need to know.

Lying is sometimes important.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"It's a great question. One of my biggest hates is "well I'm only telling them the truth". Yes well you crushed them and they didn't need to know.

Lying is sometimes important."

Yes, so is saying nothing at all.

Also some people dress their opinion up as truth

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"A lie is a lie. There are different motives for lying, some better than others but it's still lying and calling it a fib or putting white in front of it makes no difference in my opinion.

I lie obviously, there aren't many people who don't.II've been eating my friends horrible cake for years and telling her it's delicious because I don't want to hurt her feelings. "

Pretty much this, but I also class deliberately concealing the full truth as lying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Also some people dress their opinion up as truth "

That's the worst!

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I prefer to say nothing at all, if pushed on a opinion I'd rather give a positive opinion on something I do like rather than a negative, because at the end of the day its only my opinion after all not gospel. I may think her ass looks fat in that but another friend doesn't so its all relative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a difficult question to answer. I often keep quiet rather than lie...I’m as honest as I can be with my children and in fact everyone in my life...I’d rather it that way. Sometimes however sparing someone’s feeling does mean that honesty isn’t always the best thing...that said if they knew you were lying would that be worse? Many close to me have learnt that I don’t lie and appreciate this. A white lie here and there if needed but have always felt in the long run truth is better delivered in appropriate manner

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Everyone lies. It's part of life. There are different levels of it though. Never trust anyone who says they don't ever lie.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Anyone that says they've never lied is a liar. Lol

.

If a lie makes someone smile rather than cry then it that so bad?

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

For me, it depends on the intention of the lie.

If I lie or keep quiet to cover my tracks, to protect myself in order to escape consequences including punishment... that is a lie and not great behaviour.

If I lie to protect somebody else, that is morally more acceptable (in my code of conduct)

A different question : Would we prefer people to lie/ be kind to us?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem is white lies normally snowball into a much bigger problem.

I’d rather risk offending and being honest.

V

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, it depends on the intention of the lie.

If I lie or keep quiet to cover my tracks, to protect myself in order to escape consequences including punishment... that is a lie and not great behaviour.

If I lie to protect somebody else, that is morally more acceptable (in my code of conduct)

A different question : Would we prefer people to lie/ be kind to us?

"

Do I need to know? In which case tell me the truth even if it hurts me. If I don't, please don't.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"For me, it depends on the intention of the lie.

If I lie or keep quiet to cover my tracks, to protect myself in order to escape consequences including punishment... that is a lie and not great behaviour.

If I lie to protect somebody else, that is morally more acceptable (in my code of conduct)

A different question : Would we prefer people to lie/ be kind to us?

Do I need to know? In which case tell me the truth even if it hurts me. If I don't, please don't. "

I would agree with you - was thinking of things like knowing your friend is being cheated on by his/her partner for example. Tricky, isnt it?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"For me, it depends on the intention of the lie.

If I lie or keep quiet to cover my tracks, to protect myself in order to escape consequences including punishment... that is a lie and not great behaviour.

If I lie to protect somebody else, that is morally more acceptable (in my code of conduct)

A different question : Would we prefer people to lie/ be kind to us?

"

Again this is down to motivation I think.

If I was about to walk down the aisle in a wedding dress that made me look like a dogs dinner I'd want my friend to tell me I was the most beautiful bride they'd ever seen.

If we were on the shop trying wedding dresses in I'd want the truth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"For me, it depends on the intention of the lie.

If I lie or keep quiet to cover my tracks, to protect myself in order to escape consequences including punishment... that is a lie and not great behaviour.

If I lie to protect somebody else, that is morally more acceptable (in my code of conduct)

A different question : Would we prefer people to lie/ be kind to us?

Again this is down to motivation I think.

If I was about to walk down the aisle in a wedding dress that made me look like a dogs dinner I'd want my friend to tell me I was the most beautiful bride they'd ever seen.

If we were on the shop trying wedding dresses in I'd want the truth "

I would definitely like her to tell me, and I can still make my own decision. The famous "Does my bum look big in this" question

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Intention and consequence.

What are you up to tonight?

Going to your surprise party.

Bad truth

Someone you work with is having a hard time, they've been late a few times recently and are on a final warning. You know losing their job will fuck them up big time, they have young children and really struggling but you believe in them, you know they're a good person going through a shit time having a string of bad luck. They're late again and you cover for them, but you talk to them to see if there's any way you could help in the future and that includes liaising with management and perhaps offering to be their mentor.

Good intentions lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far."

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lie that can give someone a hope, motivate them is considered to be good... That's my belief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic. "

I don't agree - I think you can for example, let someone down gently after a date to preserve their feelings if you don't fancy them.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic. "

Rather be hurt by the truth than stabbed in the back by a lie, because that's really how it feels.

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By *urham 3 riversMan
over a year ago

Co. Durham


"When is a lie a white lie...and when does it become a full blown lie? Is it a matter of what the lie is designed to achieve?

No agenda or reason, just something I discussed with a couple of zoom mates. "

Santa Claus is a lie "yes" and we all add to it with joy lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic.

Rather be hurt by the truth than stabbed in the back by a lie, because that's really how it feels.

"

What if the truth was hurtful? I would rather lie than upset someone unnecessarily. I have and would do the same again - hurting someone's feelings just to make you point just makes you look like an arsehole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, it depends on the intention of the lie.

If I lie or keep quiet to cover my tracks, to protect myself in order to escape consequences including punishment... that is a lie and not great behaviour.

If I lie to protect somebody else, that is morally more acceptable (in my code of conduct)

A different question : Would we prefer people to lie/ be kind to us?

Do I need to know? In which case tell me the truth even if it hurts me. If I don't, please don't.

I would agree with you - was thinking of things like knowing your friend is being cheated on by his/her partner for example. Tricky, isnt it?"

I have fallen foul of this when I was young. Her looking at me and saying "why didn't you tell me" will haunt me all my days. Fortunately we're still friends. I would put this in the category of 'needs to know'.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic.

Rather be hurt by the truth than stabbed in the back by a lie, because that's really how it feels.

What if the truth was hurtful? I would rather lie than upset someone unnecessarily. I have and would do the same again - hurting someone's feelings just to make you point just makes you look like an arsehole."

In what sense? You don't have to be cruel to be honest.

If you don't fancy someone you can simply say I didn't feel any chemistry which is true. You don't have to say "well actually I thought you were a swamp donkey"

I'd rather be told there was no chemistry than find out they hadn't actually been sent on a undercover sting and would be away for the next 6 months so might aswell leave things there as we'd not get to see each other for ages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic.

Rather be hurt by the truth than stabbed in the back by a lie, because that's really how it feels.

What if the truth was hurtful? I would rather lie than upset someone unnecessarily. I have and would do the same again - hurting someone's feelings just to make you point just makes you look like an arsehole.

In what sense? You don't have to be cruel to be honest.

If you don't fancy someone you can simply say I didn't feel any chemistry which is true. You don't have to say "well actually I thought you were a swamp donkey"

I'd rather be told there was no chemistry than find out they hadn't actually been sent on a undercover sting and would be away for the next 6 months so might aswell leave things there as we'd not get to see each other for ages."

I originally said you don't have to be "brutally honest" so we're talking slightly as cross purposes.

I'm talking about being gentle with the truth to preserve people's feelings. There's nothing wrong with that in my view, but being 100% honest (as you allude to) is the point I was talking about.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic.

Rather be hurt by the truth than stabbed in the back by a lie, because that's really how it feels.

What if the truth was hurtful? I would rather lie than upset someone unnecessarily. I have and would do the same again - hurting someone's feelings just to make you point just makes you look like an arsehole.

In what sense? You don't have to be cruel to be honest.

If you don't fancy someone you can simply say I didn't feel any chemistry which is true. You don't have to say "well actually I thought you were a swamp donkey"

I'd rather be told there was no chemistry than find out they hadn't actually been sent on a undercover sting and would be away for the next 6 months so might aswell leave things there as we'd not get to see each other for ages.

I originally said you don't have to be "brutally honest" so we're talking slightly as cross purposes.

I'm talking about being gentle with the truth to preserve people's feelings. There's nothing wrong with that in my view, but being 100% honest (as you allude to) is the point I was talking about."

I'm with ya. Twas the brutal bit I missed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

So many people justify their lies/omissions of the truth with this logic, when actually it is straight forward self-interest or self-preservation. I'd bet my right arm that all of us have heard 'but I didn't want to hurt you' when a liar has been caught out, which just rubs salt into a very raw wound. I'd much rather someone was truthful if they're caught out in a lie and confess that they did it because they were scared of the fall-out. Saying that, if someone is going to deceive you in the first place, expecting them to face the consequences with dignity once rumbled is probably massively unrealistic.

Rather be hurt by the truth than stabbed in the back by a lie, because that's really how it feels.

"

Absolutely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far."

Definitely this.

I also really hate it when someone dresses up being rude or spiteful as ‘I’m blunt and honest’

You can consider other people, and if that means censoring what you say, it’s no bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can lie to save someone's feelings. There's everything right with doing that sometimes. Brutal honesty only goes so far.

Definitely this.

I also really hate it when someone dresses up being rude or spiteful as ‘I’m blunt and honest’

You can consider other people, and if that means censoring what you say, it’s no bad thing."

That's another form of deception, only with the motive behind the truth being lied about rather than giving false information.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Summed it up perfectly in " Miracle on 34th street"

I ask the court to judge which is worse: A lie that draws a smile or a truth that draws a tear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To tell the truth, I think the biggest lies are normally the ones we tell ourselves.

Sometimes these can be very destructive (telling yourself a relationship is working when it’s not) but sometimes they see us through the day when we’re feeling low.

I do think deception is built into human nature.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a great question. One of my biggest hates is "well I'm only telling them the truth". Yes well you crushed them and they didn't need to know.

Lying is sometimes important."

This

This

This

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