FabSwingers.com forum: Monday jokes..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Chuck your best joke in below, make people smile on Monday

I’ve heard a rumour that lots of Germans are stockpiling cheese & sausage in the anticipation of another COVID lockdown - in other words planning for a Wurst-Käse scenario

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

OP..... that made me chuckle too much.

I don't have jokes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tank fly, boss walk, jam nitty-gritty

You're listening to the voice of...... Professor Chris Whitty

...... This is lockdown, this is lockdown

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not to brag, but I already have a date for new years eve.

December 31st.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP..... that made me chuckle too much.

I don't have jokes

Glad I could be of assistance

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not to brag, but I already have a date for new years eve.

December 31st."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to brag, but I already have a date for new years eve.

December 31st.

Thought it was so bad it'd make a, few chuckle

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee04Man
over a year ago

Essex

What’s pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Not to brag, but I already have a date for new years eve.

December 31st.

Thought it was so bad it'd make a, few chuckle

It did

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm awful with these. I once tried to tell 10 puns in order to make someone laugh but no pun in ten did...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Another lockdown and I'm wondering if anyone knows any porn sites they'd like to recommend other than:

Xvideos

PornHub

Xtube

Ass parade

Brazzers

xHamster

XNXX

YouPorn

YouJizz

TastyBlacks

HClips

TnaFlix

Tube8

Spankbang

DrTuber

Spankwire

KeezMovies

Nuvid

SunPorno

BravoTube

PornHD

Eporner

SexVid

XXXBunker

TheNewPorn

Mofosex...

PornDreamer

X18 Xbabe

UpdateTube

BeFuck

Hdmovz

PornRox

PornMaki

Pornid

Inxporn

TopFreePornVideos

Slutload

ProPorn

FakePorn

Pornhost

HandjobHub

Vpornvideos

MyXVids

Pornicom

DansMovies

Wetplace

AdultFreex

Wankflix

88fuck

Fapdu Rude

FreudBox

AdultInc

PornHeed

HdPorn

Orgasm

PornRabbit

MadThumbs

Fux Eroxia

DeviantClip

Xxvids

H2porn

ApeTube

MetaPorn

YourLustMovies

ElephantTube

Long PornerBros

Tubegalore

3movs

Ass-Time

HQButt

BangBus

BangBros

Ghetto tube

RedTube

Pornyourgold

Oneporneveryminute

Dawnporn

Pornonthecob

Only Onan

BrickHouseButts

GhettoGaggers

GloryHole

Tubegalore

As these have got boring and repetitive

Any help is much appreciated.

Thanks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *azza72Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Walking the dog through the cemetery and a passer by politely said “morning” I replied “no, just walking the dog thanks”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts.

"Oh my, John," says the first bloke. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" "You're right!" says John.

So John goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying John.

"John, John! What on earth happened?"

With his dying breath John calls out

"It's not a Bacon Tree

It's...

It's a Ham Bush"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts.

"Oh my, John," says the first bloke. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" "You're right!" says John.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying John.

"John, John! What on earth happened?"

With his dying breath John calls out

"It's not a Bacon Tree

It's...

It's a Ham Bush""

That’s a crackling joke

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the two goldfish in the tank.

the first turned to the second and asked "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a zoo that only had one animal in it. It was a shih tzu

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some good ones in there

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can’t stand it any longer, and goes to Human Resources. Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, “What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

The woman replies, “It’s Brandon, the midget!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?

Because they'll never meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing £10 in 50p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

'I think so. Provided those wankers at Wickes deliver the fucking bricks on time.'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dinMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

One for the ladies....

What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?

A man will actually search for a golf ball

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man in a, hole?

Doug.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"One for the ladies....

What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?

A man will actually search for a golf ball

Good one

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *linyMan
over a year ago

Manchester/London

"Chuck your best joke in below, make people smile on Monday

I’ve heard a rumour that lots of Germans are stockpiling cheese & sausage in the anticipation of another COVID lockdown - in other words planning for a Wurst-Käse scenario"

Any German sausage are the wurst!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take my mother in-law everywhere with me because I can't stand to kiss her goodbye

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sunday and Monday are in a fight, who wins?

Sunday, because Monday is a weak day

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does Elton John not like lettuce?

He’s a rocket man

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asques and boxersCouple
over a year ago

Ashford and dept16

A couple of ladies were Playing golf one of them teed off and watched in horror as her ball flew straight in to a group of 4 fellers playing the next hole.

One of the men clasped his hands together at his groin falling to the ground in agony an writhing around on the green.

The woman ran to the injured man, who was still clasping his hands in his groin area while now groaning in the fetal position, apologising and announcing she was a physio therapist she told him if he'd allowed her, she knew she could reduce the pain.

He finally allowed her to place his hands either side of his body loosened his trousers slipped her hand down to his groin and proceeded to gentle massage him. After his groans changed to gentile whimpers she asked does that feel better?

The man looked at the woman and between whimpers replied mmm thats amazing mmmm

But ahhh I still think I've broke my thumb!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread