FabSwingers.com forum: Someone make me laugh

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Share your jokes as good or bad as they may be.

If it makes at least 1 person laugh that’s all I want.

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By *arkob13Man
over a year ago

Airdrie

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch."

This is the type of content I’m after!

Anyone got any worse than that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm shite at telling jokes. I always punch up the fuck line.

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

Can’t get through to the funeral parlor? Maybe the line’s dead.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A friend of mine threw some cheese at me the other day. I said that was mature!

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Carrot in a box will make you laugh

https://youtu.be/0UGuPvrsG3E

And then the sequel...

https://youtu.be/Bp04HZDCELw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't monsters eat ghosts?.....

Because they taste like sheet.

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By *ydrewMan
over a year ago

forest

How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Put your hand in its pocket and tickle its balls

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By *arkob13Man
over a year ago

Airdrie

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach? It’s not hard

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By *arkob13Man
over a year ago

Airdrie

Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

"I'm shite at telling jokes. I always punch up the fuck line. "
lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it solipsistic in here? Or is it just me?

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd tell a chemistry joke, but the best ones Argon.

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

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By *iveralandssklpMan
over a year ago

Turkey

A longer one

Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman turn up at the pearly gates Saint Peter says you have to show me something about Christmas to get in. English flicks his lighter on and says it's a Christmas candle

Peter says excellent and let's him in. Scot gets out his keys jiggles them and says Christmas bells Peter says excellent and lets him in.

Paddy gets out a bra and a thong. What the fuck has that got to do with Christmas says Peter. Paddy says They're Carols

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are out riding on the plains one day when the Lone Ranger asks Tonto to watch out for signs of the herd near by. Tonto jumps from his horse, puts his ear to the ground and a few moments later says "Buffalo come".

"Thats amazing" says the Lone Ranger, "How do you know that Tonto?".

"Ear stuck to ground"

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Please could you explain this joke ? Is it something to do with ground beef ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Please could you explain this joke ? Is it something to do with ground beef ?"

If I need to explain it then it wasn't funny so best just forgetting about it

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Batman was hosting a party. He spoke to a guy he didn't recognise and the guy introduced himself as Bruce Banner. He thought it better to attend as himself rather than as the Hulk.

Later in the night Batman went to check on him and asked if he was enjoying his evening.

"it's great so far" he replied.

"I was passing one of the bedrooms earlier and saw Wonder woman spreadeagled naked on the bed"

" I couldn't help myself. I turned into the Hulk and leaped on top of her"

"Wow" said Batman. " I would have loved to see that. I bet she was surprised?"

" She was" said Banner " But not half as surprised as the Invisible Man"

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By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

Buffalo sperm on the ground and tonto put his ear on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Please could you explain this joke ? Is it something to do with ground beef ?

If I need to explain it then it wasn't funny so best just forgetting about it

I found it pretty funny

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By *hat BlokeMan
over a year ago

Harrogate

Buffalo cum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ordered Chinese from a local place (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!

I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the orange chicken!

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag open...

And there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!!

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Buffalo sperm on the ground and tonto put his ear on it."

Thank you

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I am going to start up a band and call it Blanket. We will play covers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call Bears with no ears? B.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call Bears with no ears? B.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Donald Trump is setting up his own social media company

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Donald Trump is setting up his own social media company

We have a winner!

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By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which number got arrested for cannibalism?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Batman was hosting a party. He spoke to a guy he didn't recognise and the guy introduced himself as Bruce Banner. He thought it better to attend as himself rather than as the Hulk.

Later in the night Batman went to check on him and asked if he was enjoying his evening.

"it's great so far" he replied.

"I was passing one of the bedrooms earlier and saw Wonder woman spreadeagled naked on the bed"

" I couldn't help myself. I turned into the Hulk and leaped on top of her"

"Wow" said Batman. " I would have loved to see that. I bet she was surprised?"

" She was" said Banner " But not half as surprised as the Invisible Man""

That has my vote - I actually chuckled at this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I ordered Chinese from a local place (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!

I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the orange chicken!

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag open...

And there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!!

Love it

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By *avhonaWoman
over a year ago

Away with the faeries

"Tonto and the Lone Ranger are out riding on the plains one day when the Lone Ranger asks Tonto to watch out for signs of the herd near by. Tonto jumps from his horse, puts his ear to the ground and a few moments later says "Buffalo come".

"Thats amazing" says the Lone Ranger, "How do you know that Tonto?".

"Ear stuck to ground""

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By *untwolancashireCouple
over a year ago

Preston

3 women chatting & one says to the other two, if your hubby was a bird what kind of bird would he be & why? One says my hubby would be an eagle, he’s so graceful & elegant when we go dancing, the other says well my hubby reminds me of an owl, as he’s old & wise I can ask him anything & he seems to know it. The 1st woman says mine reminds me of a thrush, the other 2 ask her why & she said well he’s a right irritating cunt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of you're not part of the solution, you are the precipitate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a Jehovahs Witness and a Millwall supporter ?

Someone who knocks on your door and tells you to f..k off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gave my blind uncle a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I picked a prostitute up th other week. I asked how much to do something weird and we settled on a price, I payed her and we headed back to my hotel room. I told her to go into the bathroom and get undressed and when she returned she caught me walking out of the room. "I thought you wanted to do something weird" she said.

"I said "yes I did. While you were undressing I shit in your purse"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

After reading all these I was going to tell a joke about a herb and a fish.. but then I got the better of myself and realised theres a thyme and plaice for that.

I apologise in advance for that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is there no phones in China .......

Cos theres so many wings and so many wongs. .. you might wing the wong number

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 cowboys are sitting around a campfire one night telling stories of bravado.

The first says, "I was out riding in the dead of night 2 weeks ago when I was set upon by 2 murderers that had escaped the marshal on their way to the hangman's noose. The first grabbed for my gun so I took out my knife and cut himear to ear and took back my gun and shot the other one."

The second cowboy nods and says, "I have a similar tale to tell, but instead of 2 escaped prisoners I was set upon by an Apache war party hell bent on taking my scalp. I pulled out my revolver and shot 4 before killing another 2 with my rifle and the remaining 2 fled."

The first cowboy nods at the second looking suitably impressed and then both turn towards the third cowboy to hear what he has to say. The third cowboy however remain silent, and continued to stoke the coals of the fire with his penis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate Russian dolls, they are so full of themselves.

How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

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By *estcountryDadBodMan
over a year ago

Exeter

I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.

I thought, I can’t turn that down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes......

She gave me a hug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My joke must be the worst one - its killed the thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

One will make your day!

The other will make your hole weak!

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