FabSwingers.com forum: Forum Complaint Department

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

THe department is now open for buisness.

Please share your dislikes of all things menial in the world here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cum

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Well it’s just not good enough. Are you going to do something about it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/01/21 16:34:35]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well it’s just not good enough. Are you going to do something about it?"

Nope. but a problem shared and all that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bought a new expensive wax melts burner this afternoon. Was very excited to burn a new fragrance in it.......my whole house now smells like cheap loo cleaner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bought a new expensive wax melts burner this afternoon. Was very excited to burn a new fragrance in it.......my whole house now smells like cheap loo cleaner

well that sucks. sorry to hear that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cum "

Oh and I don't like the smell or taste of cum either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!"

^ this too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cum

Oh and I don't like the smell or taste of cum either."

I think I misunderstood the thread lol. Ignore me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!"

shoulda woulda coulda?

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

That advert for Fairy non bio, which goes to great lengths to tell you how good the childproof lock is, but then tells you to put it high up out of reach.

The lock can't be that bloody good, then, can it??

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Passive-aggressive messages pretending to be complimentary or even caring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bought a new expensive wax melts burner this afternoon. Was very excited to burn a new fragrance in it.......my whole house now smells like cheap loo cleaner

Was that because the melter is crap even though it's expensive or because the wax melts are really toilet cleaner?

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Why when i go into any supermarket is there always an aged person...touching and pawing at every bunch of bananas....then rips just one off the bunch. How can i stop them...!

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Ice, I slipped walking the dog and now I can't move

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That advert for Fairy non bio, which goes to great lengths to tell you how good the childproof lock is, but then tells you to put it high up out of reach.

The lock can't be that bloody good, then, can it??"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to register a complaint.

I can't tell if this is the forum's department for any and all complaints or the department for complaints about the forum itself.

This is too vague and needs further clarity.

Yours

disgruntled of Wapping

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can’t drink champagne anymore..... It inflames the back of my mouth.....

What should I do with the bottles of veuve clicquot I have in the cellar?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bought a new expensive wax melts burner this afternoon. Was very excited to burn a new fragrance in it.......my whole house now smells like cheap loo cleaner

Was that because the melter is crap even though it's expensive or because the wax melts are really toilet cleaner?

Possibly..... I did buy them without my glasses on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!"

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink? "

I think you’re looking for trouble

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

(BLOWS RASPBERRY).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble"

Who me? Nah never.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"(BLOWS RASPBERRY). "

Succinct as ever Chunky.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Complaint forms will be issued shortly and should be signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"(BLOWS RASPBERRY).

Succinct as ever Chunky.

I don't mince my words (good or bad).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never. "

You found it anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cum "

And go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"THe department is now open for buisness.

Please share your dislikes of all things menial in the world here.

*business

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway"

Should I complain about that too?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd like to register a complaint.

I can't tell if this is the forum's department for any and all complaints or the department for complaints about the forum itself.

This is too vague and needs further clarity.

Yours

disgruntled of Wapping"

It's for all complaints excluding ones about the forums as we are not allowed to do that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway

Should I complain about that too? "

You won’t be able to with your knickers stuffed in your mouth

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"I can’t drink champagne anymore..... It inflames the back of my mouth.....

What should I do with the bottles of veuve clicquot I have in the cellar?"

I'll be right over. I have my own flute glass.

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By *omoxfordMan
over a year ago

leeds

"Bought a new expensive wax melts burner this afternoon. Was very excited to burn a new fragrance in it.......my whole house now smells like cheap loo cleaner

"
you need to buy darceys melts they are ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway

Should I complain about that too?

You won’t be able to with your knickers stuffed in your mouth"

I'm not wearing any.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway

Should I complain about that too?

You won’t be able to with your knickers stuffed in your mouth

I'm not wearing any. "

Mine then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway

Should I complain about that too?

You won’t be able to with your knickers stuffed in your mouth

I'm not wearing any. "

Sorry but there is no kinky behaviour allowed within this department

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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago

the land of saints & sinners

I’d like you to fix whenever I dial the wrong number it is never engaged....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d like you to fix whenever I dial the wrong number it is never engaged....

I am sorry but that is outwith the remit of this department. We are not allowed to make improvements to people's lives

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately "

Charges may apply though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though "

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!"

Cod loves a fryer, that’s fucking steep, they’re charging over the odds just for the halibut.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!"

Unfortunately the supply of fish has been stolen by the Spanish in a recent midnight raid. As a result fish costs have risen sharply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delivery that come at stupid o clock ie bween 6-8

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!

Cod loves a fryer, that’s fucking steep, they’re charging over the odds just for the halibut."

Please get permission from the pun department prior to using them within this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to register a complaint.

I can't tell if this is the forum's department for any and all complaints or the department for complaints about the forum itself.

This is too vague and needs further clarity.

Yours

disgruntled of Wapping

It's for all complaints excluding ones about the forums as we are not allowed to do that "

Dammit, I wanted to complain about people using the word fora... in the forums.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

I’m having a rubbish day and my inbox has been devoid of hugs, bums, and nice nails and nice heels.

Who do I write to formally to raise my grave concerns?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Delivery that come at stupid o clock ie bween 6-8 "

That's a fairly precise window but I do understand you have to get up for it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!

Cod loves a fryer, that’s fucking steep, they’re charging over the odds just for the halibut.

Please get permission from the pun department prior to using them within this thread "

I tried, but the plaice was closed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m having a rubbish day and my inbox has been devoid of hugs, bums, and nice nails and nice heels.

Who do I write to formally to raise my grave concerns?!"

Please fill out a mail box reset form and file it in the round receptacle in the far corner

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!

Cod loves a fryer, that’s fucking steep, they’re charging over the odds just for the halibut.

Please get permission from the pun department prior to using them within this thread

I tried, but the plaice was closed. "

The closed sign on the department door is a red herring. Please try again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Delivery that come at stupid o clock ie bween 6-8

That's a fairly precise window but I do understand you have to get up for it"

Ha ha I talking at night lol and yes I am waiting on one now have been all day and got a message about a hour go saying it be bween 6-8 o’clock I been up from 5 this morning

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By *ickychef1Man
over a year ago

Greenford

Pizzas dont hve as much cheese as they use to back in the day. Dont even get me started on the tomato sauce...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People who wear their mask under their nose

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ladies and gents The time is now 17.30 and the department has closed for the night

We will reopen at 17.29 on the 30th of February

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

I want McDonald's and a McFlurry NOW

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

80+ messages then bang...nothing

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"80+ messages then bang...nothing "

You touched a nerve ? Opened a mail and didn't reply for hours ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I speak to the manager?

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"People who wear their mask under their nose

Or under their chin. Anyone who has coughed or sneezed, the covid lands on the bare skin of your neck. You place the mask on your neck because it such a tricky manoeuvre to take it off

You then lift the contaminated inside of your mask your mouth, and press the virus into your open mouth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People who wear their mask under their nose

Or chin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"80+ messages then bang...nothing

You touched a nerve ? Opened a mail and didn't reply for hours ?"

No not all very pleasant and respectful and probably after 10ish of an evening I'm game over anyway

I don't get that many messages so I'm happy to chat and not to leave for hours on end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway

Should I complain about that too?

You won’t be able to with your knickers stuffed in your mouth

I'm not wearing any.

Sorry but there is no kinky behaviour allowed within this department "

Right that's it I'm submitting a complaint!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When your Amazon delivery driver yesterday was hot as fuck and today he wasn’t... I wish you could select who your delivery guy was!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!

Cod loves a fryer, that’s fucking steep, they’re charging over the odds just for the halibut.

Please get permission from the pun department prior to using them within this thread

I tried, but the plaice was closed. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People who wear their mask under their nose

Or under their chin. Anyone who has coughed or sneezed, the covid lands on the bare skin of your neck. You place the mask on your neck because it such a tricky manoeuvre to take it off

You then lift the contaminated inside of your mask your mouth, and press the virus into your open mouth

Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bought a new expensive wax melts burner this afternoon. Was very excited to burn a new fragrance in it.......my whole house now smells like cheap loo cleaner

Was that because the melter is crap even though it's expensive or because the wax melts are really toilet cleaner?

Possibly..... I did buy them without my glasses on."

Never a great way to by melts, unless you're buying them from me and I can sell you more than you intended to buy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bought a new expensive wax melts burner this afternoon. Was very excited to burn a new fragrance in it.......my whole house now smells like cheap loo cleaner

you need to buy darceys melts they are ??"

?? is about right, some of the worst melts I've ever smelt, on a par with B&M's melts

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By *untwolancashireCouple
over a year ago

Preston

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway

Should I complain about that too?

You won’t be able to with your knickers stuffed in your mouth

I'm not wearing any.

Sorry but there is no kinky behaviour allowed within this department

Right that's it I'm submitting a complaint!"

Can I just submit to you? I don’t like that complaint they always tell me I’ve done something wrong

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

Brussels sprouts

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By *ickychef1Man
over a year ago

Greenford

Bring back fruity polos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think my servant Igor has left our village and joined our neighboring enemies.

Any suggestions on how I tell the elders about this traitor.

He knows our defence secrets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can’t drink champagne anymore..... It inflames the back of my mouth.....

What should I do with the bottles of veuve clicquot I have in the cellar?

I'll be right over. I have my own flute glass."

After lockdown they are all yours.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

Woman

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Men"

Just a general homogeneous blob of men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lack of sepll cehcknig

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!"

It so is

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Men"

Sorry gods creations do not come under the remit of this department

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men

Sorry gods creations do not come under the remit of this department "

Oh ok

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Men

Sorry gods creations do not come under the remit of this department

Oh ok

Sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The lack of sex.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Walkers cramp...it's a real problem

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Walkers cramp...it's a real problem "

Use your other hand

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The lack of sex. "

Refunds for sexual acts missed in lockdown can be reclaimed in hell on death

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Walkers cramp...it's a real problem

Use your other hand "

I use both at the same time

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By *enuine MikeMan
over a year ago

Guildford

Is this the correct department to lodge a complaint against the senseless idiots who are actively seeking meets during a pandemic?

Cheers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can I speak to the manager?

Have you submitted the appropriate management visitation form?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the correct department to lodge a complaint against the senseless idiots who are actively seeking meets during a pandemic?

Cheers "

That should be posted in the "we don't give a fuck" forum on page 3 of the forum list

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish to make a complaint that you didn't help me with my troubles

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wish to make a complaint that you didn't help me with my troubles

Sorry we are currently busy please leave your message after the tone

Beeeeeeep!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wish to make a complaint that you didn't help me with my troubles

Sorry we are currently busy please leave your message after the tone

Beeeeeeep!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wish to make a complaint that you didn't help me with my troubles

Sorry we are currently busy please leave your message after the tone

Beeeeeeep!

I'm sorry the tape ran out and we failed to property record your message please try another day

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By *enuine MikeMan
over a year ago

Guildford

"Is this the correct department to lodge a complaint against the senseless idiots who are actively seeking meets during a pandemic?

Cheers

That should be posted in the "we don't give a fuck" forum on page 3 of the forum list"

Will look through the forum posts and try and find it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my servant Igor has left our village and joined our neighboring enemies.

Any suggestions on how I tell the elders about this traitor.

He knows our defence secrets."

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By *enuine MikeMan
over a year ago

Guildford

"Is this the correct department to lodge a complaint against the senseless idiots who are actively seeking meets during a pandemic?

Cheers

That should be posted in the "we don't give a fuck" forum on page 3 of the forum list"

Nope! Not there.

Went as far back as page 10 and still couldn't find it.

So I've got another complaint now. Who do I complain to about poor assistance and miss guided information?

Honestly! You can't get the staff these days lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think my servant Igor has left our village and joined our neighboring enemies.

Any suggestions on how I tell the elders about this traitor.

He knows our defence secrets."

Please activate his built in self destruct by pinching your nose and saying "wonko rules" three times

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By *wlmanMan
over a year ago

Rugby

The lack of toilet paper in the staff toilets is absolutely diabolical!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My new hoover overheats and needs a rest after it has sucked the fluff from only half a carpet. I am vexed. Its meant to be a superfluff sucker.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the correct department to lodge a complaint against the senseless idiots who are actively seeking meets during a pandemic?

Cheers

That should be posted in the "we don't give a fuck" forum on page 3 of the forum list

Nope! Not there.

Went as far back as page 10 and still couldn't find it.

So I've got another complaint now. Who do I complain to about poor assistance and miss guided information?

Honestly! You can't get the staff these days lol"

Please refer these to HR on the helipad

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My new hoover overheats and needs a rest after it has sucked the fluff from only half a carpet. I am vexed. Its meant to be a superfluff sucker. "

Please fan the motor with an old pair of knickers while using it to keep it cool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You eat junk and you feel good

You try to be healthy, fruit and veg, and you get a belly full of gas

I need to come with a wind caution today

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The lack of toilet paper in the staff toilets is absolutely diabolical!!!"

We did provide copies of the sun newspaper as an alternative but found people were wiping more shit on than they took off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lack of sex.

Refunds for sexual acts missed in lockdown can be reclaimed in hell on death "

Which circle of hell do I report to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my servant Igor has left our village and joined our neighboring enemies.

Any suggestions on how I tell the elders about this traitor.

He knows our defence secrets.

Please activate his built in self destruct by pinching your nose and saying "wonko rules" three times"

Thank you, I'll give it a try

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"The lack of sex.

Refunds for sexual acts missed in lockdown can be reclaimed in hell on death

Which circle of hell do I report to?

I got the details. Follow me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You eat junk and you feel good

You try to be healthy, fruit and veg, and you get a belly full of gas

I need to come with a wind caution today"

Emergency corks are available from the stores to prevent leakages

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

That my face is not buried in between a big set of juicy boobs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That my face is not buried in between a big set of juicy boobs. "

Boobs are currently on back order due to arrive early 2023

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By *wlmanMan
over a year ago

Rugby

"The lack of toilet paper in the staff toilets is absolutely diabolical!!!

We did provide copies of the sun newspaper as an alternative but found people were wiping more shit on than they took off "

Have you thought of pages from Trumps book of “things to make and do right”?

I hear it is empty.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The lack of toilet paper in the staff toilets is absolutely diabolical!!!

We did provide copies of the sun newspaper as an alternative but found people were wiping more shit on than they took off

Have you thought of pages from Trumps book of “things to make and do right”?

I hear it is empty."

But do we want to make his book a best seller?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"That my face is not buried in between a big set of juicy boobs.

Boobs are currently on back order due to arrive early 2023"

I should have ordered them from Amazon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lack of sex.

Refunds for sexual acts missed in lockdown can be reclaimed in hell on death

Which circle of hell do I report to?

Mine

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By *amanthaJonesTrans1966TV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"It’s “should have” (or “should’ve”) not “should of” FFS!

I think I might submit a complaint of too many grammar police in the world today.

Whaddyathink?

I think you’re looking for trouble

Who me? Nah never.

You found it anyway

Should I complain about that too?

You won’t be able to with your knickers stuffed in your mouth

I'm not wearing any. "

You're like me, you pick people up on their spelling, but also you like to go out without any knickers on, you go girl ??

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By *amanthaJonesTrans1966TV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Is this the right place to complain about needing to eat fish and chips?

I NEED them

This complaint should be forwarded to your local chippy immediately

Charges may apply though

I cant afford extra charges - I just looked at prices of a chippy near me and a regular cod and chips is £13

That can't be normal!

Cod loves a fryer, that’s fucking steep, they’re charging over the odds just for the halibut.

Please get permission from the pun department prior to using them within this thread

I tried, but the plaice was closed. "

Cod almighty, the devil will get your sole

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By *amanthaJonesTrans1966TV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"I wish to make a complaint that you didn't help me with my troubles

Sorry we are currently busy please leave your message after the tone

Beeeeeeep!"

Been on the phone for 7 hours, still waiting for the beeeeeep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lack of sex.

Refunds for sexual acts missed in lockdown can be reclaimed in hell on death

Which circle of hell do I report to?

I got the details. Follow me"

Yes Ma’am!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this the right department to complain about the weather?

It's too cold!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this the right department to complain about the weather?

It's too cold!

no those complaints should be addressed directly to God.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Why when i go into any supermarket is there always an aged person...touching and pawing at every bunch of bananas....then rips just one off the bunch. How can i stop them...!"

You change the way bananas are sold. They are the problem not the person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do I have one sensitive boob? And why does the sensitive boob change? Why are they never both sensitive at the same time?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do I have one sensitive boob? And why does the sensitive boob change? Why are they never both sensitive at the same time?

Do you have some sort of light indicator to tell your partner where to focus on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish to make a complaint about the forum complaint department.

I'd like to speak to your supervisor please

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wish to make a complaint about the forum complaint department.

I'd like to speak to your supervisor please

Supervisors are located on the 8th floor on the glass floored balcony.

Appointments are required and need to be booked 3.6 lightyears in advance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wish to make a complaint about the forum complaint department.

I'd like to speak to your supervisor please

Supervisors are located on the 8th floor on the glass floored balcony.

Appointments are required and need to be booked 3.6 lightyears in advance"

That's exactly the sort of help I wish to complain about.

Useless

Useless I tell thee!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why when i go into any supermarket is there always an aged person...touching and pawing at every bunch of bananas....then rips just one off the bunch. How can i stop them...!"

I find a gentle slap to the back of their hand is enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do I have one sensitive boob? And why does the sensitive boob change? Why are they never both sensitive at the same time?

Do you have some sort of light indicator to tell your partner where to focus on?"

No, I buzz loudly when they do it wrong, like the operation game...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bring back fruity polos"

I'm with you on this one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mach3 razor blade, it really bugs the shit out of me!

The 1st blade shaves you close

The 2nd shaves you closer still!

The 3rd shaves you even closer!!!!

Why not just use the 3rd blade?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do I have one sensitive boob? And why does the sensitive boob change? Why are they never both sensitive at the same time?

Do you have some sort of light indicator to tell your partner where to focus on?

No, I buzz loudly when they do it wrong, like the operation game..."

Haha! I thought you’d moan when they get it right!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wish to make a complaint about the forum complaint department.

I'd like to speak to your supervisor please

Supervisors are located on the 8th floor on the glass floored balcony.

Appointments are required and need to be booked 3.6 lightyears in advance

That's exactly the sort of help I wish to complain about.

Useless

Useless I tell thee!

Unfortunatly we have to wouk within our department rules

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A mach3 razor blade, it really bugs the shit out of me!

The 1st blade shaves you close

The 2nd shaves you closer still!

The 3rd shaves you even closer!!!!

Why not just use the 3rd blade? "

The first to blades do not do anything they are hologramatic blades. why do you think they cost so much 3d holographic projectors dont come cheep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do I have one sensitive boob? And why does the sensitive boob change? Why are they never both sensitive at the same time?

Do you have some sort of light indicator to tell your partner where to focus on?

No, I buzz loudly when they do it wrong, like the operation game...

Haha! I thought you’d moan when they get it right!"

I like to be clear and avoid ambiguity

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for joining in my random thread.

I ment no offence with my answers to anyone they were all done for a bit of fun. If i did offend then I am sorry it was never my intention.

Have fun and stay safe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good complaints everyone

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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago

The South

There's an advert on TV for a dishwashing tablet.

Cut to very dirty greasy glass dish.

Waffle waffle waffle.

Cut to squeaky clean dish and the suggestion that the tablets transformed the dish from disgustingly dirty to shiny like new.

Small print at bottom of screen states, clean after 5 washes.

Grrrrrrrr.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People that are still looking for a meet

FFS !!

Do you want to die ??

Fabswingers

Should be blocking ANYONE looking for a meeting for 7 days minimum

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By *wlmanMan
over a year ago

Rugby

"Thank you all for joining in my random thread.

I ment no offence with my answers to anyone they were all done for a bit of fun. If i did offend then I am sorry it was never my intention.

Have fun and stay safe"

I wish to complain to the management that your replies were taken the wrong way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish to complain that my notices are not being noticed and this is very noticeable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Marzipan is just wrong!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bang! And the dirt is .... Still there, just a bit smeared.

I wish to register a complaint

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"THe department is now open for buisness.

Please share your dislikes of all things menial in the world here.

"
people who misspelled business

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"A mach3 razor blade, it really bugs the shit out of me!

The 1st blade shaves you close

The 2nd shaves you closer still!

The 3rd shaves you even closer!!!!

Why not just use the 3rd blade? "
I only use the bic single bladers ... they only use the third blades

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

My general in ability to recover from hangovers after alcohol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you spoken to TinaTitz about FORUM INSURANCE?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mrs farts stink. What can be done other than a super glued buttplug

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'd like to complain about the people. Not all the people. But some of the people. And not all the time. But some of the time. But some of the people all of the time.

Dammit. I confused myself. No complaints here. It's too much like hard work.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"My mrs farts stink. What can be done other than a super glued buttplug

Similar theme...superglue on your penis and slip it in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish to complain that the forum complaint department appears to be closed

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"I wish to complain that the forum complaint department appears to be closed

Unlike your legs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wish to complain that the forum complaint department appears to be closed

Unlike your legs

I am allowed.

It's the weekend

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By *estcountryDadBodMan
over a year ago

Exeter

When people say ‘no offence’...

It’s just code for, you’re not going to like this but please don’t shout so I can tell you what I really think but pretend I’m being nice

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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago

The South

Signs that state the obvious.

Jewelry shop window; "ears pierced while you wait"

Errrrrr, hello!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The department has been closed by the government due to having to pay Cummings back handers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read that as Forum Compliments Department

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also my "favourite": "I say it as it is"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also my "favourite": "I say it as it is"

"With all due respect"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A favourite compliment department.

Might be my next thread then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New complete old threads being bump up

Nothing worse when you see a thread and think ooo to then jump in and find it’s a year old and ever comment apart from the new last comments is a year old x

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

The length of time it takes vids to upload, coz I'm impatient

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"New complete old threads being bump up

Nothing worse when you see a thread and think ooo to then jump in and find it’s a year old and ever comment apart from the new last comments is a year old x"

This isn't that bad it's just a week old

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The length of time it takes vids to upload, coz I'm impatient

Make shorter videos

They upload faster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"New complete old threads being bump up

Nothing worse when you see a thread and think ooo to then jump in and find it’s a year old and ever comment apart from the new last comments is a year old x

This isn't that bad it's just a week old

Aww Wonko It wasn’t about this one just I have seen a couple over the last couple off days and thought ooo good thead and ooo look loads off comments exactly a good talk to find it’s a year old and one new comment so just click off it lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The length of time it takes vids to upload, coz I'm impatient

Ooo god yes hard to time it all going live at the one time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"New complete old threads being bump up

Nothing worse when you see a thread and think ooo to then jump in and find it’s a year old and ever comment apart from the new last comments is a year old x

This isn't that bad it's just a week old

I know I know where you are coming from on that one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Signs that state the obvious.

Jewelry shop window; "ears pierced while you wait"

Errrrrr, hello!

Those with detachable ears are welcome to leave them and collect them in 7 days

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