FabSwingers.com forum: Giving single guys a bad name

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

Constantly seeing some woman complaining they get abusive mesaages regularly from single guys yet it happened to me just twice in all my time on fab. Maybe these woman have bad attitudes when replying or Do you think some woman set out to give single guys a bad name ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I don't think (at least for me) anybody gives anybody a bad name. If somebody sends me a disrespectful message then it only makes me not want to communicate with them, not everybody of their gender.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delete and block is your friend...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There really are some bad cocky and arrogant attitudes.

I get there are lots of idiots sending ridiculous initial messages too though. 2 sides to every story!

I would rather be ignored rather than receive the unneeded attitude.

Just be happy people!

If you get laid....bonus!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I don't think (at least for me) anybody gives anybody a bad name. If somebody sends me a disrespectful message then it only makes me not want to communicate with them, not everybody of their gender."

Yes but my point is I see the same woman complaining about abuse from single guys regularly. It’s very rare if not ever I see a single guy complaining about abuse from woma or couples and I’m sure it goes on a lot more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ympho6969Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

I dont feel that is true at all OP. Yes there may be some who will tar everyone with the same brush based on a few experiences from a subset of people, but overall, ive found most are more vocal about stating their opinions are not pointed at all men or all young men or all single men, as a few examples. A few issues does not mean everyone is the same...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I used to get Abuse when I replied no thank you, so I just ignore the original messages instead

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No but I do feel some display brat behaviour and are looking to be offended, im getting good at spotting those traits and avoiding conversing with them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others "

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

I think the only person who can give me a bad name....is me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

One woman called me Sandra, no offence intended to the many lovely Sandras out there but, that’s a seriously bad name for a single male.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think (at least for me) anybody gives anybody a bad name. If somebody sends me a disrespectful message then it only makes me not want to communicate with them, not everybody of their gender.

Probably not - again due to numbers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?"

Possibly but as you don’t know how others decline then we can’t say for certain

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"I don't think (at least for me) anybody gives anybody a bad name. If somebody sends me a disrespectful message then it only makes me not want to communicate with them, not everybody of their gender.

If it's just one person making the same claims repeatedly then I'd say they either just want the attention or are deliberately trying to paint certain people in a bad light.

The fact that it's happened more than once suggests that other people aren't agreeing with them, and so more "evidence" is presented to try to strengthen their original case

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been on here years and have a well run profile with filters and I hide it when not online or don't have the time/inclination, I also reply to 99% of my messages ... in all this time I very very rarely have had a rude message to be honest (perhaps 1 a year) even when I travelled a lot for work and changed my location! (So been on quite a few places all over the country) I've often pondered what triggers a rude message either first off or in reply!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"One woman called me Sandra, no offence intended to the many lovely Sandras out there but, that’s a seriously bad name for a single male.

I think it quite suits you

Sandra....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Constantly seeing some woman complaining they get abusive mesaages regularly from single guys yet it happened to me just twice in all my time on fab. Maybe these woman have bad attitudes when replying or Do you think some woman set out to give single guys a bad name ? "

May be a mix of two bad personalities resulting in abusive messaging

A no is a no simples

but a polite no thanks, in my opinion, is far better than deleted or ignored messages because I know exactly where I stand

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aleforfun22Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

Most women are very polite on here about 95 per cent but you always get a couple who spoil it like everything in life there is always someone there to spoil it for others.now on the other hand I see why women get cheesed of with guys who don't take no for a answer.no means no or not intrested means not intrested. Don't have a go at someone cause you have been rejected get on with it as they say there is someone out there for everyone (I'm still looking lol )so let every one be nice to each other and be respectful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I've been on here years and have a well run profile with filters and I hide it when not online or don't have the time/inclination, I also reply to 99% of my messages ... in all this time I very very rarely have had a rude message to be honest (perhaps 1 a year) even when I travelled a lot for work and changed my location! (So been on quite a few places all over the country) I've often pondered what triggers a rude message either first off or in reply! "

My point exactly i think some woman are as guilty of dishing out abuse as men

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I used to get Abuse when I replied no thank you, so I just ignore the original messages instead"

I have to say I agree with this .....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming "

Fit

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?"

You obviously want an argument or a good shag

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive been nothing but nice since joining...and that gets me nowhere ??????

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"One woman called me Sandra, no offence intended to the many lovely Sandras out there but, that’s a seriously bad name for a single male.

I think it quite suits you

Sandra....

Well there was this one time at band camp but we’d better not go there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming "

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

If a woman says she has been verbally abused then I'm going to believe them unless I have reason not to. I find it quite plausible that there are men on here who get the hump if they get turned down. I have heard it from enough women complaining about it to think they are probably right.

We have had virtually no abuse since we joined. We just consider ourselves fortunate rather than say others who have been less fortunate are to some extent responsible.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I think that given the number of single guys on this site, the lack of success many have and the lack of investment in the place, it's not surprising that a minority send bad messages. The majority don't.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

It can come from more than just rejection.

Being called a bitch/slag/whore/slut is a pretty abusive opening message.

Being told if you ain't meeting you need to fuck off coz you're nothing more than a prick tease attention seeker is a pretty abusive opening message.

Having your profile text ignored and doing the exact opposite of what you ask can be seen as rude and in some cases abusive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t say that I been called all sorts over the years for turning people down

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't go on about it alot but I get alot of abuse.

Are you saying I am doing something to deserve that OP?

I get it for simply not replying most the time ...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?"

A polite decline is certainly better than a rude one!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

It’s just the normal mix of people in life on here. Ie normal, funny, shy, and a few assholes who think there hard done by. Such is life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row as usual please

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?""

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row as usual please

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?""

Prefer balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row please

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got one this morning

Asked a lady if she would like to cam with an older sexy guy

She said

Yes please could you find me one

Cheeky mare

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"Got one this morning

Asked a lady if she would like to cam with an older sexy guy

She said

Yes please could you find me one

Cheeky mare "

Yet if you would have returned a sarcastic remark it would have been abuse

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row as usual please

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?"

Prefer balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row please "

It is a forum, that is my opinion of your post, if anything your OP was spoiling for a row more than my response.

My analogy was perfectly fitted to what you are suggesting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row as usual please

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?"

Prefer balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row please

It is a forum, that is my opinion of your post, if anything your OP was spoiling for a row more than my response.

My analogy was perfectly fitted to what you are suggesting."

Ok not arguing as the white knights and wolves will jump on board and I will be the one with forum ban as usual

you point as been noted thank you for your opinion

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row as usual please

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?"

Prefer balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row please

It is a forum, that is my opinion of your post, if anything your OP was spoiling for a row more than my response.

My analogy was perfectly fitted to what you are suggesting.

Ok not arguing as the white knights and wolves will jump on board and I will be the one with forum ban as usual

you point as been noted thank you for your opinion "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to get Abuse when I replied no thank you, so I just ignore the original messages instead

I have to say I agree with this ..... "

Same but I’ve also had this as a first message saying I think I’m something special when Im just a fat slag ..others saying I’m a whore dirty tramp etc etc ..I keep all screen shots of these messages then block x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeez

This place never fails to amaze me!

Almost every single day I get abuse of some form here.

I am told I'm a fat ugly cunt if I say no to meeting someone.

I get random messages telling me I'm a disgusting fat whore...from people I've never engaged with in any way.

When I was single and fighting off breast cancer and was open about it on my profile I got messages telling me I was a sick cunt for being here and that people "hoped my tots rot off slowly before I die" on more than one occasion.

For years I have been here reassuring men that those assholes (majority of whom were male, not all) are not ruining their chances. Those twats make the good guys easier to spot imo and make it much easier to be appreciated if you're positive.

You couldn't be more wrong OP.

Victim blaming at its finest. Lucky you to have not been on the receiving end.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?""

Well said!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking personally, I've never sent a rude or abusive message on here. However, I have received one or two, from women, in response to an initial message. Worth pointing out that my initial messages tend to be polite, well crafted and tailored to the recipient.

Mostly, my messages are ignored, unread or just don't get a reply. Occasional, a reply come in the form of "Not for me" etc. Occasionally I reply thanking them for their time. I don't get the need to be abusive to a decline, or even worse, to hunt down profiles to send targetted abuse.

Could we relabel those who do such vile things as arseholes, rather than the generic "single male". Some of us conduct ourselves with dignity in the face of adversity, and should be defined by our actions rather than those of a less savoury persuasion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think there's two sides to this - it's undeniable that *some* men will either send abusive, entitled messages from the start or in butt hurt response to rejection.

On the flip side though I think *some* women don't help themselves by not using filters and other available tools to minimise the incoming abuse and do react badly to anyone having the temerity to contact them, even if that contact is not abusive.

It's been an ongoing vicious circle the entire time I've been on the site, and I'm not sure there is a solution to the "problem" other than the minority of men that send them realising that abusive messages are not acceptable, and women accepting that whilst it's not acceptable it will happen at times and deserves no more than an eye roll and click of the delete and block buttons.

Abuse *shouldn't* happen in either direction, but sadly it does and much as it would be utopia if it didn't, utopia isn't realistic unfortunately.

Ultimately though the only person that impacts my experience of the site is me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought one it could be down to the area they are in , or maybe they are triggering guys for effect and drama, or maybe they just been really unlucky with the guys they talk to, I can’t get a reply let alone get abuse lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

Apparently not these guys are just targeting the odd Victim it seems

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

There’s a few points here, let’s take them in order.

Some women definitely complain they get abusive messages, but I’ve seen some of these messages and they’re truly horrific. Some are better at ignoring them, some delete them without reading which can make it easier, some get very few of these messages at all. If it happens, it really can feel very personal and hurtful.

Do they have bad attitudes to replying? Perhaps that’s part of it, although if I’d been called horrible things by selfish twats for the last few days I’d be less than polite with my replies too.

Sometimes it’s a numbers game - if the idiot has sent messages to a dozen women he might not have time to react to your reply if he’s got others he prefers to be abusive to. Sometimes all of us just dodge the bullet.

Do women set out to give single blokes a bad name? I really don’t think so, just give idiots a bad name. The numbers show that abusive messages are far more likely to come from single blokes because there are far more of them on the site. Couples can send them too, but it’s much less likely because there are fewer of them.

I hope you continue to have an enjoyable Fab experience, don’t worry about others if you don’t need to?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Got one this morning

Asked a lady if she would like to cam with an older sexy guy

She said

Yes please could you find me one

Cheeky mare

Yet if you would have returned a sarcastic remark it would have been abuse

I totally agree, but se might have had a point ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

There’s a few points here, let’s take them in order.

I hope you continue to have an enjoyable Fab experience, don’t worry about others if you don’t need to?"

I read the first line and thought GM has posted it.

Check you out oh wise one

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys cut the op some slack. She cleary didnt realise how big a problem this is. How would she, she hasnt experienced it much. So yes she could have worded the question better but i doubt she meant to call all of you liars.

She just said what she felt and literally and was 100% about it. (you don't know what you don't know)

All she needed to know is if this is a common issue. Now she knows

Simple

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One woman called me Sandra, no offence intended to the many lovely Sandras out there but, that’s a seriously bad name for a single male.

Just spat my tea at this

Fiddles I love your humour

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s an interesting question although I believe it’s not fab specific but more a general social media curse.

Why do some get a lot of abuse and others almost none?

Is it a matter of (bad) luck?

Is it due to the vibes some profile send?

Is it a matter of exposure? The more exposed you are (for example living in a more densely populated area hence appearing in the local updates of more people, or if you are more active in the forums or posting pics and more status updates...you are more visible) the more likely you will get some.

Any other reason?

It’s probably a combination of many different things.

But it’s certainly crap when you’re on the receiving end.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

We’ve never experienced any abuse but I know that’s purely by luck as I have seen some of the awful messages some people get on a daily basis here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"I read the first line and thought GM has posted it.

Check you out oh wise one

His replies are usually better thought out, better written and more insightful. He’s also better looking than me and has a bigger todger.

I’d hate him if he wasn’t so bloody lovely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hezingtonMan
over a year ago

Fleet

I don't think some women set out to give single guys a bad name but you never know these days.

It's so hard being a single guy. Much harder than a single lady I'd say

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I've gotten some abuse on here but not a lot. When I get it I just block and move on. But to be honest most of the time when say no thanks I get a nice message back saying thanks for replying and take care of words to that effect.

I also tho keep my filters tight on here so I actually don't get that many messages anyhow which is how I like it.

I have been in certain groups where I have seen some abuse women got but I'd say over half was in response to whatever the woman said to the guy first. You can tell by how it's written but of course that was never shown.

Yes some guys are just abusive cockwombles but so are some women and couples. And if someone keeps getting abuse they should look at their replies to others or tighten filters or just block messages altogether and actually message first.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Ive had 3 abusive messages in 14 years and two of those where of the back of forum threads

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I've been on here for quite a few years now and in all my time I've had a handful of abusive messages, maybe three or four?

I know I've been quite lucky in that regard - my experience isn't reflective of every woman on this site. I think if people are saying they've experienced crap, whilst sometimes it should be taken with a mountain of salt, it's probably better to listen rather than discounting their whole experience. Anyone can experience abusive messages and that's not necessarily a result of their own behaviour. Filters should be used though if it's constant, it helps avoid the likelihood of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Dont think it's that! It's usually well for me if I've said I dont want to meet them which I do in a very polite way! I wouldn't intentionally offend anyone! If I'm not attracted for instance I wouldn't say just find something else like age difference/distance etc., some cant take rejection x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/01/21 12:40:50]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row as usual please

You are victim blaming.

You are saying us women are doing something to warrant abuse.

However most of us have done nothing at all.

Just because you havnt experienced it does not mean it does not happen and that is an absurd and ignorant way to think.

Like "Well I have never been assaulted but lots of women say they have, are they doing something to provoke this?"

Prefer balanced view points only please not regular forumites spoiling for a row please

It is a forum, that is my opinion of your post, if anything your OP was spoiling for a row more than my response.

My analogy was perfectly fitted to what you are suggesting.

I would absolutely agree with Ivy. It does sound like your victim blaming, and just because people are regular forum users does not make their opinions less valid.

I had some horrible abuse on occasion, once for it replying, on occasion if I’ve turned men down..

It’s nothing I’m doing, I’m not responsible for someone else’s behaviour, they are. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

seems like you have had a fair experience.

some guys are total dicks and give us all bad names.

this is part of the reason so many women join then leave within a few days.

I had previous play partners join, get too many messages and just get fed up and go.

imagine getting 100 messages, you delete and 5% then send another with abuse. not sexy at all

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One woman called me Sandra, no offence intended to the many lovely Sandras out there but, that’s a seriously bad name for a single male.

"
better than being called sue

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/01/21 12:41:50]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

instead if you’re

I would absolutely agree with Ivy. It does sound like you’re victim blaming, and just because people are regular forum users does not make their opinions less valid.

I had some horrible abuse on occasion, once for it replying, on occasion if I’ve turned men down..

It’s nothing I’m doing, I’m not responsible for someone else’s behaviour, they are.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

I’m a very average looking and endowed guy, but I have a fair amount of success here because I treat the women and couples I message with decency and respect, which I am told sets me apart from a vast amount of men on here...

If the abuse wasn’t happening as you seem to suggest OP, then why would being nice set me apart?...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"instead if you’re

I would absolutely agree with Ivy. It does sound like you’re victim blaming, and just because people are regular forum users does not make their opinions less valid.

I had some horrible abuse on occasion, once for it replying, on occasion if I’ve turned men down..

It’s nothing I’m doing, I’m not responsible for someone else’s behaviour, they are."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Can I point out there are some nice guys on here too.

We know that everyone has different tastes and we do accept that you may not want to be friends or continue in conversation with us.

Have a nice day. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There really are some bad cocky and arrogant attitudes.

I get there are lots of idiots sending ridiculous initial messages too though. 2 sides to every story!

I would rather be ignored rather than receive the unneeded attitude.

Just be happy people!

If you get laid....bonus!!

"
nail hit right on the head there mate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Goodness! Women should support each other! Not call them out! I'm sure the women hear are telling it as it is and not liars! What happend to being nice? Love and peach to all women and men! Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I've never sent an 'off' message to anyone. If you want polite, kind, respectful people in your life, show politeness, kindness and respect.

In all my time here, and on my single profile, I've had just 3 completely unprovoked nasty first messages from guys I've never heard of. It's their issue, not mine.

I/we get some uncouth one liners. I guess it may tick some people's boxes. We all find our level and what works for us. No great shakes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just take it at the word value. They had a bad experience and they want someone to listen. I doubt they have any agenda.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you only get one chance to make a first impression

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

Our profile states exactly what we're looking for and that we don't want random winks, friends requests, cock shots or one-line messages. If people either can't be bothered to read it or just ignore the contents, we don't feel it's rude to ignore or even block them. We reply politely to any reasonable messages we get and certainly don't think all guys are the same.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shot through the heart - and you're to blame.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I believe that Fab is like an onion in that it has many layers of people and groups and because of this, different groups and people have different experiences.

I believe the groups are based upon their approach to the site and how they use the inbuilt site tools, how they respond to others and ultimately how they go about their fab life.

I don’t think the groups are gender or class based, but more about attitude and approach. Some of these groups are an anathema to me and just watching my local updates I can see all the different approaches and their relative merits and pitfalls. Ultimately managing a profile to reduce “hassle” is the responsibility of the person setting up and maintaining that profile, I have very little time for anyone (regardless of gender) who complains about another members approach, members can position themselves in a “layer” or group that reduces the negatives they do not like, the fact that some people refuse too and then complain about the interaction they receive says more about them than other members.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shot through the heart - and you're to blame. "

You giveeee loooovveeeee a bad name

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yes, some women do , however I sometimes note that many of the women complaining repeatedly are lonely drama llamas or women of limited perspective or social skill.

It's not most women but certain types of women AND before anyone leaps with a But what about .......

There are legitimate , level headed questions and points on this subject raised by some women and men and men also moan about women. ( Read the above and replace women with men ) Same Ting !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I've already got a bad name... It's Bartram Little-Cock

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shot through the heart - and you're to blame.

You giveeee loooovveeeee a bad name"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming "
are you saying that with no other contact from said people you open your msgs to,, your fat or along those lines, That's the first point of contact???

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

That was one of the most interesting reads on here in a long time,

This tread should have come with a ( bring your gumshield) warning,

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

No, one bad single guy (or any gender) does not give others a bad name we're all individuals and there are many lovely single guys on here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"No, one bad single guy (or any gender) does not give others a bad name we're all individuals and there are many lovely single guys on here

I find the minority of single guys on here polite and respectful to be honest and I try my best to the same

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming are you saying that with no other contact from said people you open your msgs to,, your fat or along those lines, That's the first point of contact??? "

I have had similar.

Random messages from nowhere that say

"Fat slag"

"Whore"

Or even "white trash"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"No, one bad single guy (or any gender) does not give others a bad name we're all individuals and there are many lovely single guys on here

I find the minority of single guys on here polite and respectful to be honest and I try my best to the same "

'Minority '?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"No, one bad single guy (or any gender) does not give others a bad name we're all individuals and there are many lovely single guys on here

I find the minority of single guys on here polite and respectful to be honest and I try my best to the same

'Minority '?

OMG so sorry typo MAJORITY

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"No, one bad single guy (or any gender) does not give others a bad name we're all individuals and there are many lovely single guys on here

I find the minority of single guys on here polite and respectful to be honest and I try my best to the same

'Minority '?

OMG so sorry typo MAJORITY "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

No - but I have noticed there are a lot of people with absolutely rotten attitudes. Bafflingly many of them don't seem to recognise their own shortcomings

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"No, one bad single guy (or any gender) does not give others a bad name we're all individuals and there are many lovely single guys on here

I find the minority of single guys on here polite and respectful to be honest and I try my best to the same

'Minority '?

OMG so sorry typo MAJORITY "

Freudian slip?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ememberTheNameMan
over a year ago

barnsley

You can’t give me a bad name as I’m an absolute diamond :p I’ve been told

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others "

Hit the nail on the head buddy. Some guys just think they join and are guaranteed a fuck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prior to blocking contact off single guys ( we are after cpls only at the moment) the ones who messaged we tidy to be honest. There are some gems on here for sure.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"Prior to blocking contact off single guys ( we are after cpls only at the moment) the ones who messaged we tidy to be honest. There are some gems on here for sure. "

That’s exactly how I find it x certainly never had anyone abuse me in a first message but guess it happens

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never had abuse either.

But then I don't encourage conversations from people I'm not interested in.

Sending out no thanks messages is asking for trouble.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

its very normal reaction from a guy who's been rejected, suddenly you're ugly, a slag,a lesbian, frigid to name but a few - block!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see both sides of this.

I do think there are some women and couples on here who have massive egos and it screams through their profiles. Laying down the law, the rules by which we should all play and if we should even dare send them a message, god forbid we’re not to their taste, because a shower of hellfire, damnation and a good hard blocking will come down upon us.

On the other hand there are men and other genders on here who are downright abusive, bitter, childish, small-minded and jealous. I very much doubt they have much to them and I’m pretty sure they’re also the kind of people who would turn out to be a stalker or be domestic abuse perpetrators. With those kind of people on here I’m not surprised how some women and couples must feel a little under attack sometimes.

Personally I’ve never sent an abusive message. I just use the delete and block button a to where it applies to me. When you’re a grown nonjudgemental, chilled out adult who feels they have nothing to prove to anybody I think you arrive at the mature conclusion that attraction is subjective and without rhyme or reason so I never take offence or get my knickers in a twist if I’m not someone’s type. Fortunately being a single male, I’m less in the firing line than some women or couples, so the block button has not-often been used.

This is the Internet though - still worse; the sex-Internet so it’s participation should be done with eyes open and some form of polite and respectful healthy scepticism. Live, let live and chill the f*** out I say.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Believe what you like

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Believe what you like"

Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbf iv been in this situation... Well messaging a woman.. She then became a little abusive in her messages. Instant cut off but then after a week or two received a message asking what was wrong.. I replayed but to find that I have been blocked for abuse?!... I do think some not all women do start agro to only experiance abusive behaviour back

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Believe what you like"

I belive u I've had same just out of the blue! X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I get messages out the blue giving me abuse for being fat.... are you implying that i am at fault for this?

Talk about victim blaming

No I’m saying i find it extremely difficult to believe but now you will play the victim again and suggest I’m calling you liar

Believe what you like

I belive u I've had same just out of the blue! X"

Same here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"its very normal reaction from a guy who's been rejected, suddenly you're ugly, a slag,a lesbian, frigid to name but a few - block!

It's only normal if you are a bit of a @@@@.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady."

So if a man i have never engaged with sends me an abusive message out of the blue, thats my fault

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"Tbf iv been in this situation... Well messaging a woman.. She then became a little abusive in her messages. Instant cut off but then after a week or two received a message asking what was wrong.. I replayed but to find that I have been blocked for abuse?!... I do think some not all women do start agro to only experiance abusive behaviour back"

It’s a two way thing woman and couples can be just as bad with the abuse i have had single guys tell me they send polite mesaages to both single woman and couples then receive an abusive message in return. Guess it’s just a part of fab I’ve been fortunate not to see

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Yes exactly the same here. I reply with a no thank you but good luck and have never had a horrible response back, touch wood.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady."

Yes a persons profile can send out a certain message but not cause for abuse

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

Yes exactly the same here. I reply with a no thank you but good luck and have never had a horrible response back, touch wood. "

Strange how some get a lot and others get non

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?"

I'm trying to be nice here, so hear me out, as I certainly don't tarnish ALL single guys because of the few.

I used to reply COURTEOUSLY to polite messages, with a face pic attached if there wasn't already one in their profile. Most accept and wish me well. A few will reply somewhere on the spectrum of "but why not, I really like you" to "as if I'd shag you anyway, you fat slag!"

I now reply very rarely, if I'm not interested.

Please note the use of the words courteously & polite. However "POLITELY" women on here reply - yes, you're not the only one - some guys will always take offence.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady."

Yes a persons profile can send out a certain message but not cause for abuse

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

"I used to get Abuse when I replied no thank you, so I just ignore the original messages instead

I have to say I agree with this .....

Then they're idiots, your pics are gorgeously hot.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

Possibly but as you don’t know how others decline then we can’t say for certain "

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

I'm trying to be nice here, so hear me out, as I certainly don't tarnish ALL single guys because of the few.

I now reply very rarely, if I'm not interested.

Please note the use of the words courteously & polite. However "POLITELY" women on here reply - yes, you're not the only one - some guys will always take offence.

Fully understand but surly you do not or did not get this on a regular basis did you? Isolated incidents?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had a few horrid messages over my years but never out of the blue fortunately.

I used to politely respond to say if I wasn't interested and occasionally had a reply along the lines of 'I wouldn't fuck you anyway you're a fat lard ass'!!

Nowadays, if the message doesn't have a pic as requested in my profile I tend to delete. If someone has made an effort I will respond. Havent had abuse for a while.

I use my filters to try and make sure I get messaged by people that interest me but sadly there isn't an option to filter out assholes!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

I'm trying to be nice here, so hear me out, as I certainly don't tarnish ALL single guys because of the few.

I now reply very rarely, if I'm not interested.

Please note the use of the words courteously & polite. However "POLITELY" women on here reply - yes, you're not the only one - some guys will always take offence.

Fully understand but surly you do not or did not get this on a regular basis did you? Isolated incidents?"

Yes, I did. Dependant upon the time of day it was sent.

I am often on late at night chatting to other insomniac friends. The amount of abuse I used to get for POLITELY declining their advances is astounding. Apparently, if I'm on here at 2am, Im after a shag!

I've also been offered money for sex, as if that would change my mind

I also feel, OP, that you seem to have a negative opinion of regular forumites. As Ivy has said, surely our opinion on this issue is equally - if not more pertinent - given our experience on here? Or are you just starting the thread to court controversy? I hope not. Let's all be kind to each other on here xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady."

So you think if a woman gets a lot of abuse, it’s her fault?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

OP, I also wanted to say that I also received a message, out of the blue, that caught me at a low ebb. I put a thread up about it, but I can't find it.

It was fat shaming & caustic in the extreme. But the love I received from the forumites - people I'd not even spoken to as I was not long using the forum - was so comforting. A lot of them are now friends.

Give us a try, we're lovely. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

I think we all agree, nobody should be sending abusive messages on here and they have no place on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

I'm trying to be nice here, so hear me out, as I certainly don't tarnish ALL single guys because of the few.

I now reply very rarely, if I'm not interested.

Please note the use of the words courteously & polite. However "POLITELY" women on here reply - yes, you're not the only one - some guys will always take offence.

Fully understand but surly you do not or did not get this on a regular basis did you? Isolated incidents?

Yes, I did. Dependant upon the time of day it was sent.

I've also been offered money for sex, as if that would change my mind

I am as kind to the people that are kind to me hun . Not here to get involved in rows merely to discuss and would appreciate if you don’t try to provoke one xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"I think we all agree, nobody should be sending abusive messages on here and they have no place on here."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"I think we all agree, nobody should be sending abusive messages on here and they have no place on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

I'm trying to be nice here, so hear me out, as I certainly don't tarnish ALL single guys because of the few.

I now reply very rarely, if I'm not interested.

Please note the use of the words courteously & polite. However "POLITELY" women on here reply - yes, you're not the only one - some guys will always take offence.

Fully understand but surly you do not or did not get this on a regular basis did you? Isolated incidents?

Yes, I did. Dependant upon the time of day it was sent.

I've also been offered money for sex, as if that would change my mind

I am as kind to the people that are kind to me hun . Not here to get involved in rows merely to discuss and would appreciate if you don’t try to provoke one xx"

Not trying to start a row at all OP. All I will say is I think you are being slightly disingenuous here. Green Arrow.

I'll add you to my block list and move along my merry way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive had a few messages from guys over the time I've been on fab that weren't so friendly, more so when I've replied to their message turning them down politely. But occasionally for no apparent reason I get some that just aren't nice.

I usually get the messages that accuse me of being... 'up your own arse and stuck up and think you can have any guy you want' with some horrid remark about that following. Or they are worse. I just block them and delete. Occasionally I actually bother to report them.

I rarely moan about it or post about it on the forum because these messages are a small percentage of what I get in my inbox and not a regular occurance.

I don't think it makes any difference at all what attitude a woman has, these types will send that abuse as opening message without having spoken to the woman. I change my profile bio a lot just for the fun of it and I can assure you it still happens no matter what my profile says. I certainly wouldnt set out to give guys a bad name on the small percentage that mail me something nasty.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

I can totally understand both points on view.Yes it happens but it also happens to a lot to men as well .Some women think it’s ok to talk to men like there dog shit.

There’s not as many post’s about that tho and I doubt very much if there was they would receive the same kind of sympathy that us women get.There are nasty cunts regardless of there gender.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reatformeat OP Woman
over a year ago

my own bubble

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

I'm trying to be nice here, so hear me out, as I certainly don't tarnish ALL single guys because of the few.

I now reply very rarely, if I'm not interested.

Please note the use of the words courteously & polite. However "POLITELY" women on here reply - yes, you're not the only one - some guys will always take offence.

Fully understand but surly you do not or did not get this on a regular basis did you? Isolated incidents?

Yes, I did. Dependant upon the time of day it was sent.

I've also been offered money for sex, as if that would change my mind

I am as kind to the people that are kind to me hun . Not here to get involved in rows merely to discuss and would appreciate if you don’t try to provoke one xx

Not trying to start a row at all OP. All I will say is I think you are being slightly disingenuous here. Green Arrow.

I'll add you to my block list and move along my merry way.

Thank you xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman told me my room looked liked it lacked soft furnishings once. It can be brutal on here at times, the key is to stay strong and vigilant, thoughts and prayers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"A woman told me my room looked liked it lacked soft furnishings once. It can be brutal on here at times, the key is to stay strong and vigilant, thoughts and prayers. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?"

The blame definitely goes to the one being abusive but manners are always a lovely thing to experience. I have been turned down beautifully on a few occasions and it always puts a smile on my face. Rude messages and I tend to just trot on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t get abuse because if I’m not interested I delete and block, it’s easier and saves the abuse. When I was looking I had it on my profile that I did that and why. If it bothers you then do that.

Ps I haven’t read the thread so someone may already have said this!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One single lady blocked me after a few weeks of chatting. We arranged a meet and i asked to see a pic .. instant block after calling me just a pic collector!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t get abuse because if I’m not interested I delete and block, it’s easier and saves the abuse. When I was looking I had it on my profile that I did that and why. If it bothers you then do that.

Ps I haven’t read the thread so someone may already have said this! "

I haven’t read the thread either and I’ve already jumped to wild conclusions based on preconceived ideas I have formulated on nothing but my own bias.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ps I haven’t read the thread so someone may already have said this!

I haven’t read the thread either and I’ve already jumped to wild conclusions based on preconceived ideas I have formulated on nothing but my own bias. "

Is that a dig darling?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady."

WOW !!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ps I haven’t read the thread so someone may already have said this!

I haven’t read the thread either and I’ve already jumped to wild conclusions based on preconceived ideas I have formulated on nothing but my own bias.

Is that a dig darling?"

Only at myself, this is what I actually do, I need to be prepared to change my mind on topic, I think it’s the only way we can improve as people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ps I haven’t read the thread so someone may already have said this!

I haven’t read the thread either and I’ve already jumped to wild conclusions based on preconceived ideas I have formulated on nothing but my own bias.

Is that a dig darling?

Only at myself, this is what I actually do, I need to be prepared to change my mind on topic, I think it’s the only way we can improve as people. "

Who are you and what have you done with city jeans?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ps I haven’t read the thread so someone may already have said this!

I haven’t read the thread either and I’ve already jumped to wild conclusions based on preconceived ideas I have formulated on nothing but my own bias.

Is that a dig darling?

Only at myself, this is what I actually do, I need to be prepared to change my mind on topic, I think it’s the only way we can improve as people.

Who are you and what have you done with city jeans?"

I’ve got the thesaurus out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?"

So how do you politely decline?

Glad you don't get abuse from guys. I got a random message the other night from a guy I've never spoken to or seen on here calling me cxxt

Another random one was that I was a fat whale and who did I think would f me.

But I don't tar all guys the same. If I get a message I reply and if I'm not interested I politely say so and yet every now and than I get an abusive reply

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

"I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady."

Nah

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't read the thread because it looks like it has descended

My take on it (from a single blokes POV) is that I see more destructive comments from what I class as 'traditional' swingers who feel that single men occupy a very small niche in this lifestyle.

Quite often, I get the impression that it is the men of these couples that have the beef. Only they know their reasoning for this.

I see some women bent to the point of frustration by some of the single male introductions, yet I also see other women who manage their profiles well, understand and accept the pitfalls of them being here, who are more than happy with their interactions with single men

What I struggle to find truck with is other guys knocking guys, as if they are ruining things for them

I think you set your own stall out, arrange your shop front as you see fit and change your display and your product range as you develop and you get to know your market

Only you can make it work for you

All that said, there are snides and gobshites across the spectrum

Just be the best you, be polite, respectful, understanding, open minded, open to change, willing to stand your ground but apologise if you go too far and above all else, be accountable

You'll never get away from distasteful people, but how you interact with them is everything

If they get too much, cut them dead with a smile and carry on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

So how do you politely decline?

Glad you don't get abuse from guys. I got a random message the other night from a guy I've never spoken to or seen on here calling me cxxt

Another random one was that I was a fat whale and who did I think would f me.

But I don't tar all guys the same. If I get a message I reply and if I'm not interested I politely say so and yet every now and than I get an abusive reply "

BY SHOUTING THAT THIS IS A POLITE REJECTION..... GOT IT?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

So how do you politely decline?

Glad you don't get abuse from guys. I got a random message the other night from a guy I've never spoken to or seen on here calling me cxxt

Another random one was that I was a fat whale and who did I think would f me.

But I don't tar all guys the same. If I get a message I reply and if I'm not interested I politely say so and yet every now and than I get an abusive reply

BY SHOUTING THAT THIS IS A POLITE REJECTION..... GOT IT? "

I'll try that on the next message I get thanks lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've only had 3 or 4 abusive messages in just over a year. But I also generally have the majority of men blocked.

I get more random messages now that my profile has no information in it and ppl don't know what to go on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I imagine that a lot of blokes think this is instashag and all the women here must be up for it 24/7. As a result, some get offended if told no.

I’d say you’ve probably been lucky to have not encountered as much as others

Or maybe it’s the way i POLITELY decline?

So how do you politely decline?

Glad you don't get abuse from guys. I got a random message the other night from a guy I've never spoken to or seen on here calling me cxxt

Another random one was that I was a fat whale and who did I think would f me.

But I don't tar all guys the same. If I get a message I reply and if I'm not interested I politely say so and yet every now and than I get an abusive reply

BY SHOUTING THAT THIS IS A POLITE REJECTION..... GOT IT?

I'll try that on the next message I get thanks lol"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always been polite, and find that some women are so far up ther own asses. I can see why it puts some people off.

I get the no reply or a simple no thanks.

It's fair enough at that point for me.

Just today, i sent an introductory type message. She simply blocked me, no other interaction before that at all.

I paid her a compliment said in hope to hear back. Left it, and then bang blocked hahaha.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then"

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I haven't read the thread because it looks like it has descended

My take on it (from a single blokes POV) is that I see more destructive comments from what I class as 'traditional' swingers who feel that single men occupy a very small niche in this lifestyle.

Quite often, I get the impression that it is the men of these couples that have the beef. Only they know their reasoning for this.

What I struggle to find truck with is other guys knocking guys, as if they are ruining things for them

I think you set your own stall out, arrange your shop front as you see fit and change your display and your product range as you develop and you get to know your market

Only you can make it work for you

All that said, there are snides and gobshites across the spectrum

Just be the best you, be polite, respectful, understanding, open minded, open to change, willing to stand your ground but apologise if you go too far and above all else, be accountable

You'll never get away from distasteful people, but how you interact with them is everything

If they get too much, cut them dead with a smile and carry on"

Bravo Sir..Bravo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place.."
Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem. "

Unfortunately it doesn't solve the problem..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem.

Unfortunately it doesn't solve the problem.."

It's a catch 22 then, wanting the messages from the single guys, but not wanting the abusive messages,

and it seems nothing can be done about it, not much point complaining then is there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem.

Unfortunately it doesn't solve the problem.."

What problem? There ain't a problem. Tis all hearsay bullplop attention seekery

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *efthandMan
over a year ago

Halton, Cheshire

I think part of it is also down to volume / splits and numbers game.

**Making these numbers up...

If it's 5% of of messages that are disrespectful turning nasty.

Then out of every 1,000 people that's 50 who are nasty.

But within that you have the split between single men, couples and single ladies. *Again making these up..

So it's 70% single men, 20% couples and 10% single women (please excuse my generalisation over my gender grouping).

So from these 50 'nasty' messages, it's 35 from single men, 10 from couples and 5 from single ladies.

So the volume of these messages are weighted more to coming from single men.

And if I happen to receive a message or reply from a couple or a lady? And it isn't a nice message? I'm more likely as a single man (due on the whole to the lower volume we receive) just dismiss it and carry on.

But for single ladies and couples who receive a higher ongoing volume of messages (good and bad). It's easier to get pissed off when you've had shitty messages over a couple of days.

It becomes all very generalised, not everyone complains, not everyone sends nasty messages or receives these through.

It's just what is sent (which I don't get and understand!! But that's a different topic) will be weighed more to single men due to volumes.

Maybe sometimes when people are complaining? It's more a check-in validation of is it happening to others? rather than the specifics of calling a group out as such.

Sadly the unfortunate perils of being on here.

Sometimes it all goes well! then occasionally we run into idiots.

And idiots have a great habit of dragging us down to their levels if we're not careful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think in general single guys get a hard time because other fabbers assume they are married or otherwise . if us divorced single guys were given a chance then the best of us would not slip the net !!! and some great fun could be had ! as the song says .. take a chance on me !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I may be wrong, but how you present yourself is what people react to.

(Apart from the cut and paste brigade)

If you have a graphic user name, you might get graphic messages

If you have a username that indicates you are possible interested in DS or role play, the messages will probably imply that the writer is the perfect person to play with.

So in the original post, the fact is that one fab female gets messages she considers abusive, from multiple fab men.

There's one thing in common for the abusive messages. The lady."

So it’s my fault if I get an abusive message, even if I’ve done absolutely nothing? Righto

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

So I'm a crossdresser, at its most basic I'm a man in a dress so I get to see both sides of this issue.

I have my male filters on for two reasons, the first being I am not interested in men sexually but the second and one that fits here most is the types of messages I get from men when I drop my filters.

I get dick pics as a chat up line and then dick pics as abuse when I say no thankyou.

Im very open minded about everything but I draw the line when the messages are stuff that nobody wants to receive.

I do not want you to shit in my mouth, get involved in beastiality or get sexually assaulted against my will for your gratification.

You will not be beating the living daylights out of me because I dont want to have sex with you and nor am I some piece of meat to be spoken to like I dont deserve to breathe because I dont want your dick in me and nor do I want to put mine in you.

I've forgotten more messages than I care to remember and have often compared some of my experiences on Fab and other platforms with women and we often encounter many of the same things.

Yes there are some fantastic guys on here and I've really enjoyed some of the chats I've had with them and also met many socially on club nights too.

A little bit of though from the few who send abusive and crude messages would be good though, think how you would feel if your wife, sister, mother or daughter were to receive some of the things others have to put up with and you might understand things a little better.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *9biglicks69Woman
over a year ago

liverpool

I must say that in all the years have been on here I have not encou ntered....vast majority have been very polite and respectful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem.

Unfortunately it doesn't solve the problem..

It's a catch 22 then, wanting the messages from the single guys, but not wanting the abusive messages,

and it seems nothing can be done about it, not much point complaining then is there.

So what do you suggest can be done about it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem.

Unfortunately it doesn't solve the problem..

It's a catch 22 then, wanting the messages from the single guys, but not wanting the abusive messages,

and it seems nothing can be done about it, not much point complaining then is there.

So what do you suggest can be done about it?"

Nothing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem.

Unfortunately it doesn't solve the problem..

It's a catch 22 then, wanting the messages from the single guys, but not wanting the abusive messages,

and it seems nothing can be done about it, not much point complaining then is there.

So what do you suggest can be done about it?

Nothing "

Ok..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tonyxxxMan
over a year ago

mansfield

Unfortunately It’s no real surprise to me that single guys get a bad name !

I get countless messages from single guys (even though it’s not what’s on my looking for list) saying things like “nice cock mate you want that sucking” and 90% claim to be straight on there profile

So god only knows what it’s like for the women and couples ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shouldnt they just block messages from single guys then

No, nobody should be sending abusive messages in the first place..Well obviously yes. Can't they just report them, surely that would solve the problem.

Unfortunately it doesn't solve the problem..

It's a catch 22 then, wanting the messages from the single guys, but not wanting the abusive messages,

and it seems nothing can be done about it, not much point complaining then is there.

So what do you suggest can be done about it?

Nothing

Ok.."

On second thoughts, maybe a name and shame list on the forum entitled : Knobheads

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Unfortunately It’s no real surprise to me that single guys get a bad name !

So god only knows what it’s like for the women and couples ?"

Yes you can see, on here, why some get a bad name

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread