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"Has anyone git any experience living with a lodger? If so did you have any rules around them having guests / a partner round?" Yes it was about sharing  | |||
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"Not allowed during lockdown so if it was my house i would not allow it." Yea I get that but I don't want him to feel like he has to leave but at the same time in 5/6 months they haven't used hers once which just seems really uneven to me | |||
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"Has anyone git any experience living with a lodger? If so did you have any rules around them having guests / a partner round?" My lodgers had boyfriends. They can come and go as guests and even staying over is ok (with notice) but no shower/bath or laundry for the partner. Cooking together is ok and they have run of living room/kitchen space Sun, Mon and Tue evenings. Both my and her bedrooms have telly, small fridge and kettle/tea/coffee each. As well as big telly in lounge and fridge freezer in kitchen. | |||
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"It's minimum 2 nights a week staying but she comes round at least every other day. Like I don't mind but a bit of a split would be good. She also showers here etc. I did also raise this with my lodger a couple of weeks a go and he said he understood but nothing has changed" Then you need to be a bit firmer. | |||
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"It's minimum 2 nights a week staying but she comes round at least every other day. Like I don't mind but a bit of a split would be good. She also showers here etc. I did also raise this with my lodger a couple of weeks a go and he said he understood but nothing has changed" I’d suggest that maybe it was time they found a flat together and you got a new lodger. | |||
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"It's minimum 2 nights a week staying but she comes round at least every other day. Like I don't mind but a bit of a split would be good. She also showers here etc. I did also raise this with my lodger a couple of weeks a go and he said he understood but nothing has changed I’d suggest that maybe it was time they found a flat together and you got a new lodger." Agree, I think that's hiw I'm going to approach it, ask if they have thought about getting a place together, if not then they need to use hers a little bit. I wouldn't expect 50/50 but a bit would be nice | |||
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"I'd suggest that maybe it was time they found a flat together and you got a new lodger." This... One of my lodgers was dating a separating / divorcing guy and once his divorce came through, he was spending more time and started showering in the mornings. I had a meeting with them both and it was mutual, they moved out to a place of their own. So it was amicable ... | |||
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"I'd suggest that maybe it was time they found a flat together and you got a new lodger. This... One of my lodgers was dating a separating / divorcing guy and once his divorce came through, he was spending more time and started showering in the mornings. I had a meeting with them both and it was mutual, they moved out to a place of their own. So it was amicable ..." How often was he round before you got to this point? | |||
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"Has anyone git any experience living with a lodger? If so did you have any rules around them having guests / a partner round? My lodgers had boyfriends. They can come and go as guests and even staying over is ok (with notice) but no shower/bath or laundry for the partner. Cooking together is ok and they have run of living room/kitchen space Sun, Mon and Tue evenings. Both my and her bedrooms have telly, small fridge and kettle/tea/coffee each. As well as big telly in lounge and fridge freezer in kitchen." If I needed to lodge you are top of the list, I never will I hope but just saying | |||
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"I'd suggest that maybe it was time they found a flat together and you got a new lodger. This... One of my lodgers was dating a separating / divorcing guy and once his divorce came through, he was spending more time and started showering in the mornings. I had a meeting with them both and it was mutual, they moved out to a place of their own. So it was amicable ..." I also want it to be as amicable as poss as it is a friend who is my lodger | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place "I would emphasise I don't mind get coming over and wouldn't mind her showering if they were to also use her place a bit | |||
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"I think you should have very clear written rules with your next lodger OP. You can buy the little red rent books off ebay or amazon that have spaces in there for thi gs like that or attach a page to it. " Yes I have def learnt my lesson. My previous lodger was really good about it and split where they went. And another guy who was meant to move in also asked if I minded his gf coming over as he would also be going to hers so I thought this was just common knowledge | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place "That’s all well and good if it’s once or twice a week. But we are talking about a house share where space is, I’m guessing, fairly limited, and the TWO people sharing would have factored in running costs for two people. Start having a couple around and you feel like a third wheel in your own home and like you are intruding, which is a pretty shitty feeling when at the moment you have nowhere else to go. The third person in all this (as I understand it) has her own place, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to stop there a few times a week. Otherwise the OP is picking up the tab, effectively, for a second lodger. Which is taking the piss really. | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place
That’s all well and good if it’s once or twice a week.
But we are talking about a house share where space is, I’m guessing, fairly limited, and the TWO people sharing would have factored in running costs for two people.
Start having a couple around and you feel like a third wheel in your own home and like you are intruding, which is a pretty shitty feeling when at the moment you have nowhere else to go.
The third person in all this (as I understand it) has her own place, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to stop there a few times a week.
Otherwise the OP is picking up the tab, effectively, for a second lodger. Which is taking the piss really."This is spot on. I feel awkward in my house. Irs a 2 bed terraced house so there isn't much space and the walls are thin. I can hear them at it when I'm downstairs so feel like I can't even chill in my own room. She lives with her parents, whilst it's not ideal they can still use it as her sister has her bf round at theirs so don't see why she can't aswell. And I get that having a shower isn't expensive but it adds up and it's more the principle, they also cook for 2 hours everytime she is round and she wants the heating on more often than it would be normally. I would stress that I'm happy to accommodate if there is a little bit of a split | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place
That’s all well and good if it’s once or twice a week.
But we are talking about a house share where space is, I’m guessing, fairly limited, and the TWO people sharing would have factored in running costs for two people.
Start having a couple around and you feel like a third wheel in your own home and like you are intruding, which is a pretty shitty feeling when at the moment you have nowhere else to go.
The third person in all this (as I understand it) has her own place, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to stop there a few times a week.
Otherwise the OP is picking up the tab, effectively, for a second lodger. Which is taking the piss really.
This is spot on. I feel awkward in my house. Irs a 2 bed terraced house so there isn't much space and the walls are thin. I can hear them at it when I'm downstairs so feel like I can't even chill in my own room. She lives with her parents, whilst it's not ideal they can still use it as her sister has her bf round at theirs so don't see why she can't aswell. And I get that having a shower isn't expensive but it adds up and it's more the principle, they also cook for 2 hours everytime she is round and she wants the heating on more often than it would be normally. I would stress that I'm happy to accommodate if there is a little bit of a split"OP, it sounds like you’re a decent and reasonable guy who is having the piss taken out of them. The more information you give about the situation, the more it sounds they are exploiting your good nature. You say the guy is a friend. No friend of mine would put me in this position. | |||
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"Not allowed during lockdown so if it was my house i would not allow it. Yea I get that but I don't want him to feel like he has to leave but at the same time in 5/6 months they haven't used hers once which just seems really uneven to me" She's obviously married 
My situation was we didn't bring anyone round except family or someone popping in for a social catch-up. As far meets it was an unsaid rule. Prevented any embarrassing moments. Worked well. | |||
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"If you’re talking about overnight stays you want to be careful how regular this is. Before you know it they will be claiming tenant rights and in the worst case, if you’re lodger leaves and they stay you won’t be able to get them out. " Not true - lodgers when you live in the same premises can be asked to leave with short notice, different rules from tenants. She has no rights to stay. I have a property that I rent to 4 sharers and their lease has a clause that no one can have a guest to stay for more than 48hrs without my written permission. | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place
That’s all well and good if it’s once or twice a week.
But we are talking about a house share where space is, I’m guessing, fairly limited, and the TWO people sharing would have factored in running costs for two people.
Start having a couple around and you feel like a third wheel in your own home and like you are intruding, which is a pretty shitty feeling when at the moment you have nowhere else to go.
The third person in all this (as I understand it) has her own place, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to stop there a few times a week.
Otherwise the OP is picking up the tab, effectively, for a second lodger. Which is taking the piss really.
This is spot on. I feel awkward in my house. Irs a 2 bed terraced house so there isn't much space and the walls are thin. I can hear them at it when I'm downstairs so feel like I can't even chill in my own room. She lives with her parents, whilst it's not ideal they can still use it as her sister has her bf round at theirs so don't see why she can't aswell. And I get that having a shower isn't expensive but it adds up and it's more the principle, they also cook for 2 hours everytime she is round and she wants the heating on more often than it would be normally. I would stress that I'm happy to accommodate if there is a little bit of a split
OP, it sounds like you’re a decent and reasonable guy who is having the piss taken out of them.
The more information you give about the situation, the more it sounds they are exploiting your good nature.
You say the guy is a friend. No friend of mine would put me in this position. " | |||
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"How often was he round before you got to this point?" Over a couple of week, he went from once or twice a week staying over to more than half. So I nipped it in the bud quickly. | |||
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"If you’re talking about overnight stays you want to be careful how regular this is. Before you know it they will be claiming tenant rights and in the worst case, if you’re lodger leaves and they stay you won’t be able to get them out. Not true - lodgers when you live in the same premises can be asked to leave with short notice, different rules from tenants. She has no rights to stay. I have a property that I rent to 4 sharers and their lease has a clause that no one can have a guest to stay for more than 48hrs without my written permission." Exactly my point. If you don’t have that clause in the contract (it would appear the OP doesn’t or there would be no need for the thread) then you leave yourself open to them claiming a tenancy. Been there and got the T shirt. | |||
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"I'm going to take the approach saying have they thought about getting a place together, if they say it's too soon then say you either need to split where you go a bit, not necessarily 50/50 but a bit or find somewhere else. There is no agreement in place so I can give as much notice as I want but as I've previously said he is a friend and want to do it amicably so would give a month max 2 but say in that time guests are allowed as long as much as you spend at theirs" There are written, legal agreements you can download from the internet for free to cover lodgers. I suggest for new agreements you cover all the things that you have found don’t work for you. If he does leave while we are on lockdown you will need to clean his room to Covid standards which you can find on gov.co.uk. | |||
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"How often was he round before you got to this point? Over a couple of week, he went from once or twice a week staying over to more than half. So I nipped it in the bud quickly." Yea thats exactly how it's happening here. Like I get as the relationship goes on they will want to see each other more but not up fir it always being in my house lol | |||
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"I would emphasise I don't mind get coming over and wouldn't mind her showering if they were to also use her place a bit" You need to be clear some stuff is agreed 50/50 (like nights they have run of living room). Or "verboten"! I don't like wet things hanging around so that's why no laundry of his, and he's not allowed to shower/bath. Even my own bf shoots off to the gym for his shower. Until we move in together, he can wash his own laundry! | |||
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"I would emphasise I don't mind get coming over and wouldn't mind her showering if they were to also use her place a bit You need to be clear some stuff is agreed 50/50 (like nights they have run of living room). Or "verboten"! I don't like wet things hanging around so that's why no laundry of his, and he's not allowed to shower/bath. Even my own bf shoots off to the gym for his shower. Until we move in together, he can wash his own laundry!" I've def learnt my lesson and def not renting to a mate again as I think that's what's making it harder to say something. | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place
That’s all well and good if it’s once or twice a week.
But we are talking about a house share where space is, I’m guessing, fairly limited, and the TWO people sharing would have factored in running costs for two people.
Start having a couple around and you feel like a third wheel in your own home and like you are intruding, which is a pretty shitty feeling when at the moment you have nowhere else to go.
The third person in all this (as I understand it) has her own place, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to stop there a few times a week.
Otherwise the OP is picking up the tab, effectively, for a second lodger. Which is taking the piss really."Couldn't agree more. She may as well move in and pay rent as well if this is the case. Not forgetting of course, this is actually the OP's home. | |||
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"Has anyone git any experience living with a lodger? If so did you have any rules around them having guests / a partner round?" . Hi, Done it for years. No more than a guest allowed. Keeps it simple. Never had any issues. | |||
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"Has anyone git any experience living with a lodger? If so did you have any rules around them having guests / a partner round?. Hi, Done it for years. No more than a guest allowed. Keeps it simple. Never had any issues." Cheers. How would you define guest though? | |||
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"Has anyone git any experience living with a lodger? If so did you have any rules around them having guests / a partner round?. Hi, Done it for years. No more than a guest allowed. Keeps it simple. Never had any issues. Cheers. How would you define guest though?" Someone they invite into your home, whether or not they are staying overnight, ie they could be a guest if they call in for coffee. | |||
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"Sounds like your envious of her...like stalking everything they do...thats called invasion of privacy so what if she showers..your lodger could spend the whole day in the bathroom as long as pays his part of bills.....dont lodge if you want to control other peoples Activities.....its not a nice feeling and creates an atmosphere ..ive been in that situation and i walked out both times " The post was about the lodger having his partner to stay a lot. | |||
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"Sounds like your envious of her...like stalking everything they do...thats called invasion of privacy so what if she showers..your lodger could spend the whole day in the bathroom as long as pays his part of bills.....dont lodge if you want to control other peoples Activities.....its not a nice feeling and creates an atmosphere ..ive been in that situation and i walked out both times " How did you come to those conclusions from their post? Sounds more like a beef you had but nothing related to his post. | |||
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"Sounds like your envious of her...like stalking everything they do...thats called invasion of privacy so what if she showers..your lodger could spend the whole day in the bathroom as long as pays his part of bills.....dont lodge if you want to control other peoples Activities.....its not a nice feeling and creates an atmosphere ..ive been in that situation and i walked out both times How did you come to those conclusions from their post? Sounds more like a beef you had but nothing related to his post. " I agree. The OP's lodger, in my opinion, is taking the piss because clear boundaries have not been set. The blame lies with both of them. | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place
I would emphasise I don't mind get coming over and wouldn't mind her showering if they were to also use her place a bit"
If your issue is more about added cost, then maybe you could just suggest that they put a bit more towards the electric and gas to cover any extra expense? If it's more about not having someone else there as often for your own sanity then I'd speak to them about only staying over on certain days, establish a bit of a routine | |||
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"It's minimum 2 nights a week staying but she comes round at least every other day. Like I don't mind but a bit of a split would be good. She also showers here etc. I did also raise this with my lodger a couple of weeks a go and he said he understood but nothing has changed" Then be firmer! Say what you mean, no ambiguity or you may find yourself with less rights than them in your own home. | |||
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"i guess none of you have every rented a room or been part of a flat share, you gotta be respectful of the people you live with sire, but because you don’t own the place are you really meant to feel like its not your home?? imagine having totell your boyfriend they are not allowed to shower at your place
That’s all well and good if it’s once or twice a week.
But we are talking about a house share where space is, I’m guessing, fairly limited, and the TWO people sharing would have factored in running costs for two people.
Start having a couple around and you feel like a third wheel in your own home and like you are intruding, which is a pretty shitty feeling when at the moment you have nowhere else to go.
The third person in all this (as I understand it) has her own place, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to stop there a few times a week.
Otherwise the OP is picking up the tab, effectively, for a second lodger. Which is taking the piss really.
This is spot on. I feel awkward in my house. Irs a 2 bed terraced house so there isn't much space and the walls are thin. I can hear them at it when I'm downstairs so feel like I can't even chill in my own room. She lives with her parents, whilst it's not ideal they can still use it as her sister has her bf round at theirs so don't see why she can't aswell. And I get that having a shower isn't expensive but it adds up and it's more the principle, they also cook for 2 hours everytime she is round and she wants the heating on more often than it would be normally. I would stress that I'm happy to accommodate if there is a little bit of a split
OP, it sounds like you’re a decent and reasonable guy who is having the piss taken out of them.
The more information you give about the situation, the more it sounds they are exploiting your good nature.
You say the guy is a friend. No friend of mine would put me in this position. " | |||
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"What a load of whoomth all bias towards the landlord....if you rent out a room write the rules down first in a contract...thats professional....then you know where both parties stand....im coming from this in the tenants point of view scene has he doesnt have anyone on here to give his angle on it....you cannot interior in a relationship its not your right to do so...i bet the lodger has women around And yes its his house...but if your renting out a room dont expect the lodger not to have relationships in your house...or state it in the contract and show and made sure your proposed lodger agrees to it before moving in...you could always get a nun as a lodger ...and you are on here swinging away......one rule for one ...and another for you...tut tut tut " You say he is on here swinging, he may not accommodate out of respect for his lodger. Blame lies with both of them. The OP for not setting clear boundaries from the outset and the lodger for taking advantage of this because they are friends. This is Not all biased towards the landlord, perhaps you need to read the thread where others have stated similar things to me. | |||
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"Surely it would be covered in your room mate agreement" Because he is a mate I didn't put one in place | |||
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"Thanks guys for all the advice again. To address some comments, part of me posting this was to understand if I was being unreasonable as I've said before I don't mind her coming round or showering but wjen they don't use hers then it seems a bit uneven as she stays a minimum of twice a week and is probably here at least 2 other times. I also accept that I should have been clear in setting expectations earlier I've now asked them both lightly why they don't use hers by asking whether she is hiding him from her parents she replied saying that her dad is psycho which I dintbreally think is an excuse as he will have to meet him one day anyway. I then asked if they had thought about getting a place together and he said he doesn't want that commitment yet. So I've floated the idea of charging but will need to talk to an estate agent to understand what that will mean" Hi there, not read all the replies above, but it would seem like he's taking piss. I had similar when my lodger - a friend who's marriage ended - came to live with me. I charged him minimally - to cover bills/C Tax etc & in return he did lots of little jobs around the house. Within 2 months, he had met a new gf & she basically moved in. I hit the roof when I came home from work one day to find the TV on in 2 rooms, all the lights on, MY food in the oven & her in the bath. He was at work. Needless to say, words were had. I regularly had to remind him of this, as I'd come home regularly & find her doing the same. She was 15yrs younger and had moved back home after university and didn't want to stay there as her mum "kept asking her for rent". The irony. So just saying, you're NOT being unreasonable. They are. X | |||
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"Thanks guys for all the advice again. To address some comments, part of me posting this was to understand if I was being unreasonable as I've said before I don't mind her coming round or showering but wjen they don't use hers then it seems a bit uneven as she stays a minimum of twice a week and is probably here at least 2 other times. I also accept that I should have been clear in setting expectations earlier I've now asked them both lightly why they don't use hers by asking whether she is hiding him from her parents she replied saying that her dad is psycho which I dintbreally think is an excuse as he will have to meet him one day anyway. I then asked if they had thought about getting a place together and he said he doesn't want that commitment yet. So I've floated the idea of charging but will need to talk to an estate agent to understand what that will mean Hi there, not read all the replies above, but it would seem like he's taking piss. I had similar when my lodger - a friend who's marriage ended - came to live with me. I charged him minimally - to cover bills/C Tax etc & in return he did lots of little jobs around the house. Within 2 months, he had met a new gf & she basically moved in. I hit the roof when I came home from work one day to find the TV on in 2 rooms, all the lights on, MY food in the oven & her in the bath. He was at work. Needless to say, words were had. I regularly had to remind him of this, as I'd come home regularly & find her doing the same. She was 15yrs younger and had moved back home after university and didn't want to stay there as her mum "kept asking her for rent". The irony. So just saying, you're NOT being unreasonable. They are. X " Thanks, its not quite that bad yet but feels like it could get there soon! | |||
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