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"I have a background in the BDSM lifestyle, I have been part of many chat groups, clubs and munches. One thing you learn is Dominant, submissive or switch, everyone is equal. Kink shaming isn’t tolerated. Moving across to the swinging world, where I would guess everyone is trying to achieve the same goal, that is, when we can someone or people to meet whether socially or for play time I have never seen so much intolerance of people. Bigotry. Shaming. All sorts. How and why is this tolerated? If this happened in the BDSM world the conversation would be closed down and the word Respect and tolerance would be used. There is a difference in trying to learn and actively creating provoking posts or comments in them. What do people think they will achieve?" I think because Fab isn’t really the swinging world in the same way as the BDSM lifestyle. The BDSM lifestyle has a code and attracts people who understand the code. Whereas Fab is a fuck site and attracts people from a much wider range on the evolutionary spectrum. Tolerance and respect aren’t values for all stages on that spectrum. | |||
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"I have a background in the BDSM lifestyle, I have been part of many chat groups, clubs and munches. One thing you learn is Dominant, submissive or switch, everyone is equal. Kink shaming isn’t tolerated. Moving across to the swinging world, where I would guess everyone is trying to achieve the same goal, that is, when we can someone or people to meet whether socially or for play time I have never seen so much intolerance of people. Bigotry. Shaming. All sorts. How and why is this tolerated? If this happened in the BDSM world the conversation would be closed down and the word Respect and tolerance would be used. There is a difference in trying to learn and actively creating provoking posts or comments in them. What do people think they will achieve?" * when we can meet people for fun or social | |||
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"I have a background in the BDSM lifestyle, I have been part of many chat groups, clubs and munches. One thing you learn is Dominant, submissive or switch, everyone is equal. Kink shaming isn’t tolerated. Moving across to the swinging world, where I would guess everyone is trying to achieve the same goal, that is, when we can someone or people to meet whether socially or for play time I have never seen so much intolerance of people. Bigotry. Shaming. All sorts. How and why is this tolerated? If this happened in the BDSM world the conversation would be closed down and the word Respect and tolerance would be used. There is a difference in trying to learn and actively creating provoking posts or comments in them. What do people think they will achieve? I think because Fab isn’t really the swinging world in the same way as the BDSM lifestyle. The BDSM lifestyle has a code and attracts people who understand the code. Whereas Fab is a fuck site and attracts people from a much wider range on the evolutionary spectrum. Tolerance and respect aren’t values for all stages on that spectrum." A fuck site! | |||
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"I have a background in the BDSM lifestyle, I have been part of many chat groups, clubs and munches. One thing you learn is Dominant, submissive or switch, everyone is equal. Kink shaming isn’t tolerated. Moving across to the swinging world, where I would guess everyone is trying to achieve the same goal, that is, when we can someone or people to meet whether socially or for play time I have never seen so much intolerance of people. Bigotry. Shaming. All sorts. How and why is this tolerated? If this happened in the BDSM world the conversation would be closed down and the word Respect and tolerance would be used. There is a difference in trying to learn and actively creating provoking posts or comments in them. What do people think they will achieve?" Guilty. Agreed it shouldn't be like that at all and agree all equals. But I may have poked at threads before. (hangs head in shame) But... It does draw people out and you get to the see their attitudes. | |||
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"I have a background in the BDSM lifestyle, I have been part of many chat groups, clubs and munches. One thing you learn is Dominant, submissive or switch, everyone is equal. Kink shaming isn’t tolerated. Moving across to the swinging world, where I would guess everyone is trying to achieve the same goal, that is, when we can someone or people to meet whether socially or for play time I have never seen so much intolerance of people. Bigotry. Shaming. All sorts. How and why is this tolerated? If this happened in the BDSM world the conversation would be closed down and the word Respect and tolerance would be used. There is a difference in trying to learn and actively creating provoking posts or comments in them. What do people think they will achieve? I think because Fab isn’t really the swinging world in the same way as the BDSM lifestyle. The BDSM lifestyle has a code and attracts people who understand the code. Whereas Fab is a fuck site and attracts people from a much wider range on the evolutionary spectrum. Tolerance and respect aren’t values for all stages on that spectrum. A fuck site! " Yep that’s how it is treated by a large proportion of the people who use it. I don’t know the proportions and the beliefs but the predominance of men on the site means it has a large number who behave like it is a just a sex site. There isn’t an ethical code. | |||
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"Ive learnt that it's not being a swinger that makes people broadminded, tolerant inclusive and nice to others. I used to be astonished at how judgmental many people on here are. Visiting the forums has educated me and made me realise that racists, mysogynists, homophobes, bigots, communists, facists and many more 'ists' can all be swingers as well Its a wonderful world " . Yes this site is a very broad ‘church’ | |||
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"If it makes you feel any better I’ve seen a ton of kink-shaming in BDSM spaces, mainly about DD/lg and furries but about plenty of other stuff as well." Yep. I even heard someone shaming age play at a DDlg social | |||
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"What's your reasoning behind your belief that it's tolerated? An example would be good to prove your point. " If you’re referring to my original post I apologise as there’s a typo in there. It should read an intolerance of people | |||
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"A number of points OP: I haven't frequented BDSM sites for a number of years but most of those I did were very BDSM related and other topics rarely cropped up, whereas here you have an area like The Lounge or the Virus forum etc that for the most part are nothing to do with swinging and can cover everything from what people had for tea through to the best way to do reverse cowgirl while juggling blancmanges to more meaty subjects such as topical news stories and more - in fact there are times I think the Lounge is more like MumsNet than a site for swingers/NSA hook ups - so with that broader range of topics you are bound to get more contentious ones and room for differing opinions, compared to a BDSM related site where there's a common focus. This site will also have a broader rather than niche appeal and you'll get people that join thinking it means they'll be knee deep in sex just for signing up, so you'll get a broader range of personalities/mindsets. And of course internet forums regardless of the topic, will always bring out the keyboard warriors and the like who are always determined to rattle cages etc. I also seem to remember that some of the BDSM forums of yore that I frequented attracted some fairly contentious stuff too - although as I said they tended to mostly stick to the topic of BDSM rather than being a free for all as it is here." Comparing the lounge to mums net.. laughed my head off mate! Nice analogy | |||
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"What's your reasoning behind your belief that it's tolerated? An example would be good to prove your point. " Today I have read various posts saying slavery was their fault, what Hitler did advanced medical research. Tolerated because the posts still exist | |||
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"If it makes you feel any better I’ve seen a ton of kink-shaming in BDSM spaces, mainly about DD/lg and furries but about plenty of other stuff as well. Yep. I even heard someone shaming age play at a DDlg social " What?! Had they infiltrated just to have a go at everyone else? | |||
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"Completely agree with the OP. I may not like some of the kinks or interests of others, but I do not judge them for their tastes. Move on and do your own thing. Similarly, i know people won't understand some of my interests. Each to their own, and as long as people aren't being hurt (unless they want to be) and everything is legal, then let people do their thing. I have sometimes asked people to explain their interests if ita something I know nothing about, to further my knowledge and understanding of the subject. Most are very happy to help when they know you're genuinely curious. People need to step back and ask, would I like this if someone said the same thing about my interests/kinks/tastes? " agreed | |||
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"What's your reasoning behind your belief that it's tolerated? An example would be good to prove your point. " I don’t know what examples OP has in mind, but for the kink-shaming you can look at any thread on DD/lg for a start. | |||
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"If it makes you feel any better I’ve seen a ton of kink-shaming in BDSM spaces, mainly about DD/lg and furries but about plenty of other stuff as well. Yep. I even heard someone shaming age play at a DDlg social What?! Had they infiltrated just to have a go at everyone else?" Nope, their dynamic just didn't involve age play which is true for many DDlg dynamics but they then took it upon themselves to shame those who did include it. Crazy stuff. | |||
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"Completely agree with the OP. I may not like some of the kinks or interests of others, but I do not judge them for their tastes. Move on and do your own thing. Similarly, i know people won't understand some of my interests. Each to their own, and as long as people aren't being hurt (unless they want to be) and everything is legal, then let people do their thing. I have sometimes asked people to explain their interests if ita something I know nothing about, to further my knowledge and understanding of the subject. Most are very happy to help when they know you're genuinely curious. People need to step back and ask, would I like this if someone said the same thing about my interests/kinks/tastes? " Exactly! We should have that thought process about all people opinions we don’t agree with or find weird. Or as my gran would say. If you can’t say anything nice... | |||
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"If it makes you feel any better I’ve seen a ton of kink-shaming in BDSM spaces, mainly about DD/lg and furries but about plenty of other stuff as well. Yep. I even heard someone shaming age play at a DDlg social What?! Had they infiltrated just to have a go at everyone else? Nope, their dynamic just didn't involve age play which is true for many DDlg dynamics but they then took it upon themselves to shame those who did include it. Crazy stuff. " Oh right, the “we’re better and more pure because it’s non-sexual” brigade | |||
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"I’ve seen people slagging off others in the bdsm community - however I think because more people are firm on boundaries in bdsm it’s not tolerated at much? Not sure - do you have any examples or shaming in swinging OP? X" Put all the trans in one room is currently running on one thread I’d consider that many forms of shaming My post also mentions other areas and as I’ve previously put a post today said the slaves in African countries asked for it and what Hitler did advanced medical science | |||
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"If it makes you feel any better I’ve seen a ton of kink-shaming in BDSM spaces, mainly about DD/lg and furries but about plenty of other stuff as well. Yep. I even heard someone shaming age play at a DDlg social What?! Had they infiltrated just to have a go at everyone else? Nope, their dynamic just didn't involve age play which is true for many DDlg dynamics but they then took it upon themselves to shame those who did include it. Crazy stuff. Oh right, the “we’re better and more pure because it’s non-sexual” brigade " Not quite but I've experienced them too | |||
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"I’ve seen people slagging off others in the bdsm community - however I think because more people are firm on boundaries in bdsm it’s not tolerated at much? Not sure - do you have any examples or shaming in swinging OP? X Put all the trans in one room is currently running on one thread I’d consider that many forms of shaming My post also mentions other areas and as I’ve previously put a post today said the slaves in African countries asked for it and what Hitler did advanced medical science " The trans thread has been reported I’d hope it is removed soon. | |||
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"I have a background in the BDSM lifestyle, I have been part of many chat groups, clubs and munches. One thing you learn is Dominant, submissive or switch, everyone is equal. Kink shaming isn’t tolerated. Moving across to the swinging world, where I would guess everyone is trying to achieve the same goal, that is, when we can someone or people to meet whether socially or for play time I have never seen so much intolerance of people. Bigotry. Shaming. All sorts. How and why is this tolerated? If this happened in the BDSM world the conversation would be closed down and the word Respect and tolerance would be used. There is a difference in trying to learn and actively creating provoking posts or comments in them. What do people think they will achieve?" Maybe some of the bdsm community are strict | |||
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"I’ve seen people slagging off others in the bdsm community - however I think because more people are firm on boundaries in bdsm it’s not tolerated at much? Not sure - do you have any examples or shaming in swinging OP? X Put all the trans in one room is currently running on one thread I’d consider that many forms of shaming My post also mentions other areas and as I’ve previously put a post today said the slaves in African countries asked for it and what Hitler did advanced medical science The trans thread has been reported I’d hope it is removed soon." Correction TV room post has been removed. | |||
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" We should have that thought process about all people opinions we don’t agree with or find weird. " The trouble is here though that all too often a differing opinion is seen as an attack rather than simply being a differing opinion - and the pack mentality kicks in and the owner of said opinion gets royally rounded on. Now in some instances where the opinion is fundamentally flawed or based in bigotry it's of course inevitable it will, and should, happen - but when it's something subjective like a kink then it goes beyond the pale in the majority of cases | |||
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" Comparing the lounge to mums net.. laughed my head off mate! Nice analogy " Well if the cap fits and all that | |||
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"the forums are rife for kink shaming especially if that kink is spoken about by guys topics like adult baby / diaper fun are beaten down with howls of laughter or abuse but if a woman was to say then they all crowd her like a rimming fest .... " Nah I've had loads of abuse on here for my kinks. | |||
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"I have a background in the BDSM lifestyle, I have been part of many chat groups, clubs and munches. One thing you learn is Dominant, submissive or switch, everyone is equal. Kink shaming isn’t tolerated. Moving across to the swinging world, where I would guess everyone is trying to achieve the same goal, that is, when we can someone or people to meet whether socially or for play time I have never seen so much intolerance of people. Bigotry. Shaming. All sorts. How and why is this tolerated? If this happened in the BDSM world the conversation would be closed down and the word Respect and tolerance would be used. There is a difference in trying to learn and actively creating provoking posts or comments in them. What do people think they will achieve?" I know exactly what you mean op , I've come across a couple of threads this evening ridiculing certain lifestyle choices with a undercurrent theme going through it, it wouldn't be tolerated in the real world so why the hell does it get allowed to go on this site ? It's truly sickening | |||
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"I’ve seen people slagging off others in the bdsm community - however I think because more people are firm on boundaries in bdsm it’s not tolerated at much? Not sure - do you have any examples or shaming in swinging OP? X" Any thread about DDlg or even being called Daddy in the heat of the moment is guaranteed to bring on the shaming. Even discussing anal tends to bring out the judgemental side of a few people. | |||
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"I’ve seen people slagging off others in the bdsm community - however I think because more people are firm on boundaries in bdsm it’s not tolerated at much? Not sure - do you have any examples or shaming in swinging OP? X Any thread about DDlg or even being called Daddy in the heat of the moment is guaranteed to bring on the shaming. Even discussing anal tends to bring out the judgemental side of a few people." Which isn't right and is the whole point of the OPs post. People may not agree or understand. Heck, they may even be repulsed, that doesn't mean it should be mentioned in any rude manner. Respect and manners cost nothing and I think more people need to remember that. Personally the daddy thing does nothing for me and I don't particularly get the fascination. Doesn't mean I'm going to judge anyone who indulges in this activity. Do as you please. As long as I'm not asked to do it then I don't care. | |||
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" Comparing the lounge to mums net.. laughed my head off mate! Nice analogy Well if the cap fits and all that " Made me LOL too and I've never been on Mumsnet ... Don't even get me started on the daily fail stories | |||
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"There was a thread that went up in flames the other day because a guy had a specific kink. Some of the comments were horrendous. The frustrating part was the comments that were horrible were from posters who are so vocal on the inclusive threads about how they accept everyone. " I know just the thread and you see it so many times. It seems it comes down to who posed the thread, whether that be a regular forum poster or indeed different between genders and the responses they will receive. | |||
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"There was a thread that went up in flames the other day because a guy had a specific kink. Some of the comments were horrendous. The frustrating part was the comments that were horrible were from posters who are so vocal on the inclusive threads about how they accept everyone. I know just the thread and you see it so many times. It seems it comes down to who posed the thread, whether that be a regular forum poster or indeed different between genders and the responses they will receive. " More evidence of the forum clique methinks... | |||
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