FabSwingers.com forum: Let's pretend we all work in a fab office

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Visiting Blackpool

"And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning. "

Please cum into our office, we need you to take something down

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Hi IT manager here, anyone need me to bend right over to sort cable issues or joystick problems

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

Please cum into our office, we need you to take something down

Should i bring tea and coffee ir just butter

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Re: Attire

PetiteWoman

It has been noted that your workplace attire has been found all over the office.

It would be far more appropriate on my office floor than all over the open plan area.

If you do not report to my office for an informal reprimand I shall have no choice but to get HR involved for the formal proceedings.

Yours

NSP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the new girl,

Your ass is banging, sssssh

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Re: Attire

PetiteWoman

It has been noted that your workplace attire has been found all over the office.

It would be far more appropriate on my office floor than all over the open plan area.

If you do not report to my office for an informal reprimand I shall have no choice but to get HR involved for the formal proceedings.

Yours

NSP"

Re Attire

NSP

The CEO had already been to HR regarding my office attire and instructed me to remove it while he marched me to his office.

Please let the office cleaner know they need to attend to the mess and the CEO's office.

Kinds Regards

PetiteWoman

Secretary to the CEO

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

Fab spoil sports have just put the whole office on furlough. Back home watching Richard and Judy now.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

may all know me already i'm the Human Resources Head , i'm here to support all of you , don't hesitate in cum

talk with me i always have a spare time hear your most colorful

or darkest

fantasies .

Welcome all to your first shift after X rated Christmas

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

To all:

It has been reported that there is a potential slip hazard in the kitchen area, a slippery white substance has appeared on the floor.

It’s not yet known where this came from, I saw some trickling down NSP’s leg earlier but this will need further investigation.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Re: Attire

PetiteWoman

It has been noted that your workplace attire has been found all over the office.

It would be far more appropriate on my office floor than all over the open plan area.

If you do not report to my office for an informal reprimand I shall have no choice but to get HR involved for the formal proceedings.

Yours

NSP

Re Attire

NSP

The CEO had already been to HR regarding my office attire and instructed me to remove it while he marched me to his office.

Please let the office cleaner know they need to attend to the mess and the CEO's office.

Kinds Regards

PetiteWoman

Secretary to the CEO"

Re Attire

PetiteWoman,

Dammit. That CEO always beats me.

It's one of my favourite things about him.

Will let the cleaner know he should attend.

Regards

NSP

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"To all:

It has been reported that there is a potential slip hazard in the kitchen area, a slippery white substance has appeared on the floor.

It’s not yet known where this came from, I saw some trickling down NSP’s leg earlier but this will need further investigation."

To Adam:

Investigations and DNA testing are ongoing.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"To all:

It has been reported that there is a potential slip hazard in the kitchen area, a slippery white substance has appeared on the floor.

It’s not yet known where this came from, I saw some trickling down NSP’s leg earlier but this will need further investigation."

Could you.please report to your anal manager

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

As I was in charge of the office Christmas tree ..I have a storage problem .. I need a big box to empty my balls into... Can someone tell me where I can stick my tinsel and does anyone want a fairy to take home til next year

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By *oubletroubleCouple
over a year ago

South West

hi, can I have my knickers back please i left them in the back of your car after the Christmas party. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Head of Logistics here

Have had multiple reports of problems with new electrical devices. You will probably just need someone to come and turn you on but in some cases you will require an extension. All portable devices will need new batteries and a health and safety assessment - please leave these under your desks or between your leg for safekeeping.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"To all:

It has been reported that there is a potential slip hazard in the kitchen area, a slippery white substance has appeared on the floor.

It’s not yet known where this came from, I saw some trickling down NSP’s leg earlier but this will need further investigation.

Could you.please report to your anal manager

Me or Adam?

Or shall we come together?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Assuming this is a company selling lingerie....

PW,

It's come to my attention that knickers are down, except thongs which are up - going to really need you to spank the bottom line in the first quarter if you're expecting to hit the target and stop your knickers dropping through the floor.

Also expecting you to oversee the take off of the new bras - really get them out there and shake them about so everyone is talking about them.

Best

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

"And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

Please cum into our office, we need you to take something down

Maintenance.

What do you need tacking down so we can have Tool’s out and Equipment Ready?

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"hi, can I have my knickers back please i left them in the back of your car after the Christmas party. X"

Sorry i though was my pants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To NSP,

We've had reports you left a slippery mess in the kitchen area which several members of staff then lost their balance in, resulting in a mass orgy. Please report to HR for a thorough investigation involving a refresher session of the proper way to tidy up after you've made such a mess. This will be a physical training session so please be appropriately (un) dressed.

Regards,

Sparkles

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"may all know me already i'm the Human Resources Head , i'm here to support all of you , don't hesitate in cum

talk with me i always have a spare time hear your most colorful

or darkest

fantasies .

Welcome all to your first shift after X rated Christmas

...for head of HR

Re petite woman....could you please give us head....up as to whether we should be thinking of a whip ..round for miss Rita petite...on the quiet of course..and can someone from housekeeping remove certain graffiti from the men's toilet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing will get done...fab will go tits up!

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

To all office staff:

As you know we were planning on doing basic CPR training this month but the resuscitation doll isn’t available. Some of the female staff members have kindly volunteered to lay on the floor, have their blouses unbuttoned and chest compressions performed on them while having the airway filled.

This means that the previous 2 training sessions planned has now been increased to 20 as take up for the course has dramatically increased

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I'd like to thank not so posh for bending over backwards before the holiday ... your efforts haven't been unnoticed

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"To all:

It has been reported that there is a potential slip hazard in the kitchen area, a slippery white substance has appeared on the floor.

It’s not yet known where this came from, I saw some trickling down NSP’s leg earlier but this will need further investigation.

Could you.please report to your anal manager

Me or Adam?

Or shall we come together?

I would sugest together if you both prefer first indulge with me

before cum

knowledgeable to your anal manager

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By *X2019Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

Please cum into our office, we need you to take something down

Maintenance.

What do you need tacking down so we can have Tool’s out and Equipment Ready?

Re: Maintenance

Hi all,

On the back of this, please contact us for any general building work or maintenance that is required for the new year. This includes any drilling, hammering, filling and plastering that may be required around the office. Please also describe the extent of the job so we know how many people to send to fix your problems.

Thanks

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

On behalf of the HR department, I write to warn staff about engaging in inappropriate email correspondence. The Fab office code of conduct clearly requires all emails to be accompanied by face pics and descriptions of what you would like to do to each other.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Assuming this is a company selling lingerie....

PW,

Also expecting you to oversee the take off of the new bras - really get them out there and shake them about so everyone is talking about them.

Best

GM"

Bras seem to be expanding... there's likely to be some spillage and fallout in the coming months ..the side fastening thongs are going well but there maybe strings attached

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Assuming this is a company selling lingerie....

PW,

Also expecting you to oversee the take off of the new bras - really get them out there and shake them about so everyone is talking about them.

Best

GM"

Agreed the knickers are down and we are very much headed into the red in this area.

I shall endeavour to raise the performance and hit the target hard.

The new bra take off will hit a big audience and become our new marketing angle.

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By *erms and conditionsCouple
over a year ago

Alton

Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"To NSP,

Regards,

Sparkles

HR "

Sparkles:

Will there be punishment?

NSP

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

Please cum into our office, we need you to take something down

Maintenance.

What do you need tacking down so we can have Tool’s out and Equipment Ready?

Re: Maintenance

Hi all,

Thanks

DX"

There's a couple of old cracks that need filling in my department

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Re: Attire

PetiteWoman

It has been noted that your workplace attire has been found all over the office.

It would be far more appropriate on my office floor than all over the open plan area.

If you do not report to my office for an informal reprimand I shall have no choice but to get HR involved for the formal proceedings.

Yours

NSP

Re Attire

NSP

The CEO had already been to HR regarding my office attire and instructed me to remove it while he marched me to his office.

Please let the office cleaner know they need to attend to the mess and the CEO's office.

Kinds Regards

PetiteWoman

Secretary to the CEO

Re Attire

PetiteWoman,

Dammit. That CEO always beats me.

It's one of my favourite things about him.

Will let the cleaner know he should attend.

Regards

NSP"

CEO here, please can you both report to my office immediately! There will be a disciplinary required, make sure one of you brings my long stick!

The clock is ticking, don’t make me wait!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department"

I've had them all replaced with sky remotes and lynx cans

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Ladies,

We'd like to apologise for the unavailability of the ladies loos currently. As you may have heard, Princess Peach who was covering over the Xmas holidays, left one of her legendary "gifts" and her suggestion to "give it a few minutes" was an underestimate by a number of weeks!! We do hope to have them opened again once the men in HazMat suits have declared the area safe once more.

In the meantime please do feel free to use the Gents loos but please knock before entering just in case young Robert the YTS trainee is "knocking one out" again.

Regards

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Re: Attire

PetiteWoman

It has been noted that your workplace attire has been found all over the office.

It would be far more appropriate on my office floor than all over the open plan area.

If you do not report to my office for an informal reprimand I shall have no choice but to get HR involved for the formal proceedings.

Yours

NSP

Re Attire

NSP

The CEO had already been to HR regarding my office attire and instructed me to remove it while he marched me to his office.

Please let the office cleaner know they need to attend to the mess and the CEO's office.

Kinds Regards

PetiteWoman

Secretary to the CEO

Re Attire

PetiteWoman,

Dammit. That CEO always beats me.

It's one of my favourite things about him.

Will let the cleaner know he should attend.

Regards

NSP

CEO here, please can you both report to my office immediately! There will be a disciplinary required, make sure one of you brings my long stick!

The clock is ticking, don’t make me wait!"

CEO: On way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To NSP,

Regards,

Sparkles

Sparkles:

Will there be punishment?

NSP"

To NSP,

Appropriate punishment will be discussed and action taken once I pursued stationary to let me keep the rulers.

Regards,

Sparkles

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"may all know me already i'm the Human Resources Head , i'm here to support all of you , don't hesitate in cum

talk with me i always have a spare time hear your most colorful

or darkest

fantasies .

Welcome all to your first shift after X rated Christmas

...for head of HR

Me and SparkleBitch will look with attenfornication into your request and back to you soon as possible

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Re: Attire

PetiteWoman

It has been noted that your workplace attire has been found all over the office.

It would be far more appropriate on my office floor than all over the open plan area.

If you do not report to my office for an informal reprimand I shall have no choice but to get HR involved for the formal proceedings.

Yours

NSP

Re Attire

NSP

The CEO had already been to HR regarding my office attire and instructed me to remove it while he marched me to his office.

Please let the office cleaner know they need to attend to the mess and the CEO's office.

Kinds Regards

PetiteWoman

Secretary to the CEO

Re Attire

PetiteWoman,

Dammit. That CEO always beats me.

It's one of my favourite things about him.

Will let the cleaner know he should attend.

Regards

NSP

CEO here, please can you both report to my office immediately! There will be a disciplinary required, make sure one of you brings my long stick!

The clock is ticking, don’t make me wait!

CEO: On way"

Tits and teeth....tits and teeth

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

This is a customer service announcement for all staff.

Please be aware that we have a visit due this evening from head office.

Mr and Mrs ******

Will expect the front of house to be impeccably clean.

But behind the scenes, the usual filth will be expected...

Jo.Xx

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"This is a customer service announcement for all staff.

Please be aware that we have a visit due this evening from head office.

Mr and Mrs ******

Will expect the front of house to be impeccably clean.

But behind the scenes, the usual filth will be expected...

Jo.Xx

"
I'll be responsible for the usual filth

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Re: Attire

PetiteWoman

It has been noted that your workplace attire has been found all over the office.

It would be far more appropriate on my office floor than all over the open plan area.

If you do not report to my office for an informal reprimand I shall have no choice but to get HR involved for the formal proceedings.

Yours

NSP

Re Attire

NSP

The CEO had already been to HR regarding my office attire and instructed me to remove it while he marched me to his office.

Please let the office cleaner know they need to attend to the mess and the CEO's office.

Kinds Regards

PetiteWoman

Secretary to the CEO

Re Attire

PetiteWoman,

Dammit. That CEO always beats me.

It's one of my favourite things about him.

Will let the cleaner know he should attend.

Regards

NSP

CEO here, please can you both report to my office immediately! There will be a disciplinary required, make sure one of you brings my long stick!

The clock is ticking, don’t make me wait!"

Yes sir.

On way and I have the stick, running as fast as I can in this tight pencil skirt and heels.

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By *_DirectorMan
over a year ago

Middle of somewhere

To all ,

As staff manager I've noticed some of you have a case of the Christmas blues and are feeling down .. so tomorrow I want all staff to attend a meeting in boardroom 2 level 1 at 10 am sharp .

Light refreshments and food provided followed by a mass orgy , dress to impress ..

Max power

CEO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a customer service announcement for all staff.

Please be aware that we have a visit due this evening from head office.

Mr and Mrs ******

Will expect the front of house to be impeccably clean.

But behind the scenes, the usual filth will be expected...

Jo.Xx

Hi Jo,

I got so caught up in retraining sessions I completely forgot about their impending visit. I may need some help getting my work attire sorted for that ultimate professional look that head office require. Are you free?

Sparkles

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"This is a customer service announcement for all staff.

Please be aware that we have a visit due this evening from head office.

Mr and Mrs ******

Will expect the front of house to be impeccably clean.

But behind the scenes, the usual filth will be expected...

Jo.Xx

Jo:

Apologies, but there's no chance impeccable cleanliness is possible here.

They'll have to take us anyway

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"This is a customer service announcement for all staff.

Please be aware that we have a visit due this evening from head office.

Mr and Mrs ******

Will expect the front of house to be impeccably clean.

But behind the scenes, the usual filth will be expected...

Jo.Xx

PPE free latex will be available behind the scenes

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By *erms and conditionsCouple
over a year ago

Alton

"Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department

I've had them all replaced with sky remotes and lynx cans

This explains everything...

Stationary department

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Will the person who left half a dozen cucumbers in the fridge over Christmas please dispose of them hygienically?

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department

I've had them all replaced with sky remotes and lynx cans

This explains everything...

Stationary department"

Oops

Should i cum now

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department

I've had them all replaced with sky remotes and lynx cans

This explains everything...

Stationary department"

Stationary dept:

Need to have a discussion with you about the rubber bands. They look more like cock rings this quarter.

Please advise

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

"Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department"

If we are retuning stationary can the department, please ensure it is sanitized with all equipment to be redeployed in accordance with policy. HR have had complaints about messy Tools as it is.

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

Please cum into my office

Grab a chair and Pull it up beside me and let's discuss the first thing that cums up.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Please cum into my office

Grab a chair and Pull it up beside me and let's discuss the first thing that cums up.

No spare chairs available. Do you have somewhere else to sit?

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"This is a customer service announcement for all staff.

Please be aware that we have a visit due this evening from head office.

Mr and Mrs ******

Will expect the front of house to be impeccably clean.

But behind the scenes, the usual filth will be expected...

Jo.Xx

Hi Jo,

Sparkles"

Yes. My Sparkles!

I'm on my way.

It's great to see you back.

Jo.Xx

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By *erms and conditionsCouple
over a year ago

Alton

"Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department

If we are retuning stationary can the department, please ensure it is sanitized with all equipment to be redeployed in accordance with policy. HR have had complaints about messy Tools as it is."

For some reason we have too much tippex... Wait... Nevermind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can people please return all rulers for immediate quality control.

Stationary department

If we are retuning stationary can the department, please ensure it is sanitized with all equipment to be redeployed in accordance with policy. HR have had complaints about messy Tools as it is."

We've had a lot of complaints but the culprits have been delt with in the appropriate manner.

PS , do not unlock the stationary cupboard no matter how many screams you may hear....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can someone help me with dick-tation please? Something urgent has came up and the situation needs to be handled with care. An experienced hand would be preferred.

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By *eavertrackerMan
over a year ago

Bridgwater

Mind if a new starter joins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a customer service announcement for all staff.

Please be aware that we have a visit due this evening from head office.

Mr and Mrs ******

Will expect the front of house to be impeccably clean.

But behind the scenes, the usual filth will be expected...

Jo.Xx

Hi Jo,

Sparkles

Yes. My Sparkles!

I'm on my way.

It's great to see you back.

Jo.Xx "

Thank you beautiful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

******FIRE ALARM******

Please take the nearest exit quickly and safely!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mind if a new starter joins

HR is rather tied up right now so not available to help with a new starter, take a seat in the corner and I'll send someone along to give you a hand

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

"Please cum into my office

Grab a chair and Pull it up beside me and let's discuss the first thing that cums up.

No spare chairs available. Do you have somewhere else to sit?

"
I do, I do

I have a big thighs

And a decent size rod, you can borrow both

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By *RSTCouple
over a year ago

S. Northants

Dear Colleagues,

The stationary cupboard is now equipped with CCTV, not for the stationary theft (we're not interested in a few staples) but we do enjoy watching your naughty rendezvous'.

Please don't stop though.

Regards,

The Security Team

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

******FIRE ALARM******

Please take the nearest exit quickly and safely!!!!!

Does that mean I won't have time to put a jacket on?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Please cum into my office

Grab a chair and Pull it up beside me and let's discuss the first thing that cums up.

No spare chairs available. Do you have somewhere else to sit?

I do, I do

I have a big thighs

And a decent size rod, you can borrow both

I'm on.

It's in.

Ooh. Comfy

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

"Please cum into my office

Grab a chair and Pull it up beside me and let's discuss the first thing that cums up.

No spare chairs available. Do you have somewhere else to sit?

I do, I do

I have a big thighs

And a decent size rod, you can borrow both

I'm on.

It's in.

Ooh. Comfy

Have you got ur note pad ready,?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Assuming this is a company selling lingerie....

PW,

Also expecting you to oversee the take off of the new bras - really get them out there and shake them about so everyone is talking about them.

Best

Agreed the knickers are down and we are very much headed into the red in this area.

I shall endeavour to raise the performance and hit the target hard.

The new bra take off will hit a big audience and become our new marketing angle.

PW"

PW,

You're really going to have to flog harder if you're going to stop your knickers from dropping further.

Think perhaps suspend stockings for a while, they seem to hold up well year on year.

Pleased to hear about your plans for the take off of your bras though - should provide some nice rounded figures that will be right on point.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

As the new temporary CEO I would just like to formally announce that we are all about to undergo some serious position changes.

Those on top will now be on the bottom

Those on the bottom will have to make room for one more

And finally any awaiting positions on the side will be personally assigned a position of value to myself and the senior team

Thank you all for you time

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Please cum into my office

Grab a chair and Pull it up beside me and let's discuss the first thing that cums up.

No spare chairs available. Do you have somewhere else to sit?

I do, I do

I have a big thighs

And a decent size rod, you can borrow both

I'm on.

It's in.

Ooh. Comfy

Have you got ur note pad ready,? "

Ready to take down anything you need me to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*lowers the basket down the outside of the building and starts washing the windows*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*stops and opens a can of diet *

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By *X2019Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

Please cum into our office, we need you to take something down

Maintenance.

What do you need tacking down so we can have Tool’s out and Equipment Ready?

Re: Maintenance

Hi all,

Thanks

There's a couple of old cracks that need filling in my department

Re all: I'll see that someone pops by to see to this. Any other queries let the maintenance team know

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"*lowers the basket down the outside of the building and starts washing the windows*

Try not to scratch the windows... with your nipples

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"And it's the first day back after Christmas.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

Please cum into our office, we need you to take something down

Maintenance.

What do you need tacking down so we can have Tool’s out and Equipment Ready?

Re: Maintenance

Hi all,

Thanks

There's a couple of old cracks that need filling in my department

Re all: I'll see that someone pops by to see to this. Any other queries let the maintenance team know"
sorry to complain but they are getting large and unsightly ...I tried pumping them but that just makes matters worse. There's also a rusty hole a bit further down

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Erm, fucknuggets?

We all know I ain't winning HR person of the year but FFS, whoever left the strawberries, cream and whatever the hell that furry lollipop shape thing is in the staff fridge PLEASE sort it the fuck out.

Heaving.

Tramp.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To: PW

Subject: Latest images

Hi PW

I am in receipt of your latest images for consideration and feel that I need to give you some input, possibly repeatedly. If you could come by my office I will be happy to take down anything you consider appropriate and given time I will touch you up on the computer while you wait.

Best

Victor71

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As the new temporary CEO I would just like to formally announce that we are all about to undergo some serious position changes.

Those on top will now be on the bottom

Those on the bottom will have to make room for one more

And finally any awaiting positions on the side will be personally assigned a position of value to myself and the senior team

Thank you all for you time

Hx"

To H,

While I appreciate the new situation you currently find yourself in, I (respectively of course) need to disagree with your new planned position changes. As this is such a sensitive subject can I recommend that you pop down to see the ladies in HR at your earliest convenience so we can personally demonstrate why changing our positions would not be productive currently.

Regards,

Sparkles

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By *panishbull90Man
over a year ago

rochdale

The reason of this email is regarding to the new 69 positions available to become a part of this amazing company.

Please feel free to visit my cv- profile to check the reviews of some of the works I’ve done as a freelancer .

Sincerely yours,

A filthy Spaniard.

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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago

Deep in the New Forest

Message to all staff..

The lost and found jumper dumper is over flowing with clothes. Any items not claimed by the end of the month will be available to buy back at Tkmax.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maintenance engineer at your request, very skilled with his hands

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By *otPrinceHarryMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

FW: All staff

RE: The photocopiers

Please note that the photocopiers are to be loaded with single sheets for compying, and not whatver heavy tomes are currently being loaded.

If we didn't know better the weights involved would almost indicate one or more people.

The glass repair bill is now running into the thousands.

Regards,

Maintenance

-------------------------

RE: Toilets

We are aware of the the surprising amount of what we can only assume are nosebleeds in the toilets leading from work areas, coincidentally those that contain photocopiers.

This is being investigated.

Regards,

Maintenance.

-------------------------

RE: First Aid Kits

More are being ordered, and extra stockpiles of bandages and Savlon will be kept.

Regards,

Housekeeping.

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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago

Deep in the New Forest

To all staff members.

Ref: 2021 Xmas calender.

Will all staff please submit their photo entries to my inbox so I can start the process of elimination.

Thank you

The perv in the photocopy room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"******FIRE ALARM******

Please take the nearest exit quickly and safely!!!!! "

I have to report that during the Fire Alarm several female members of staff reported their entrance was blocked by members of the local Fire Brigade holding large hoses while a Senior Manager discovered his back passage being used by the Office Junior. All concerned have asked if we could repeat this exercise tomorrow.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Assuming this is a company selling lingerie....

PW,

Also expecting you to oversee the take off of the new bras - really get them out there and shake them about so everyone is talking about them.

Best

Agreed the knickers are down and we are very much headed into the red in this area.

I shall endeavour to raise the performance and hit the target hard.

The new bra take off will hit a big audience and become our new marketing angle.

PW,

You're really going to have to flog harder if you're going to stop your knickers from dropping further.

Think perhaps suspend stockings for a while, they seem to hold up well year on year.

Pleased to hear about your plans for the take off of your bras though - should provide some nice rounded figures that will be right on point.

GM"

The cat-o-nine tails design will impact the result dramatically and create a sore in the figure. I've added a cross in the position for the time being as a temporary measure. Please refer to the spread in the figure currently.

There is a snag in the delivery of the stockings at present creating a hold up in their delivery. Await further instructions as I will pass this matter to you to deal with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Miss petite woman

Could you return the hole punch I gave to you just after we finished in your office before Christmas.

I’d like it on my desk sometime this afternoon please.

Kind regards

Henriette

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By *orny IrishMan
over a year ago

Rural Wiltshire

I am in for a giggle.

Do we post here or pm to someone?

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Maintenance engineer at your request, very skilled with his hands

Please report to my section .. bring your mate ..I've got a gusher next to the radiator

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am in for a giggle.

Do we post here or pm to someone?"

Post on here

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I'd like to thank everyone for your efforts with the whip regarding petite

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

"
so if anyone needs their holes punching they should see you for the time being

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Employee of the year to be announced in the coming days. Could all nominees report to my office for a full, deep briefing and thorough run down of your figures. As manager, I will see to you myself. With my tight quality control, your final presentation should be delivered to me in just a few minutes.

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I haven't had a fax in ages

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I just would like to let you know all ,that we have now a sugestion box in the staff room .

All your suggestions they will be very apreciated

We also decide we will having 8n the end of the month nomination for The Star Of The Month , forms they will be available in each department.

As we all aproach the end of this Year i would like you all could support Fabs with the positive thought

Fuck of this year lets fuck the new year

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

so if anyone needs their holes punching they should see you for the time being

I'm very particular about equipment sharing and time is limited. I'll write up a rota somewhen.

Those who needs thier holes punching desperately should contact Wonky Roger, he doesn't look too busy, I've seen him walking round with his hands in his pockets for the last half hour. Idle hands and all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello all,

The new guy here, it's my first day. Apparently the secretary needs to take down my particulars..

..could one of you be kind enough to escort me to the office?

Yours sins-cerely

F K.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

"As the new temporary CEO I would just like to formally announce that we are all about to undergo some serious position changes.

Those on top will now be on the bottom

Those on the bottom will have to make room for one more

And finally any awaiting positions on the side will be personally assigned a position of value to myself and the senior team

Thank you all for you time

To H,

Regards,

Sparkles

HR"

Dear HR, are you still under the impression this is a democracy?

You are really here to help organise the most efficient positions for the staff with the utmost of care for their wellbeing within the realms of health and safety.

PS can you also inform IT that there we are some software issues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

Miss peach

Oh yes will do, we can have a good long girly chinwag.

Regards x

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

so if anyone needs their holes punching they should see you for the time being

I'm very particular about equipment sharing and time is limited. I'll write up a rota somewhen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Henritte

CC princess Peach

Just inform you I have upgraded the hole punch to a model that does multiple holes and we can trial it together before deciding if the budget will stretch to purchasing more for other colleagues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have become extremely concerned about the lack of social distancing protocols in this office.

All workers should endeavour to keep their faces covered at all times, preferably by one of their colleagues. If this is not possible please maintain a distance of at least 36 inches - if you are not sure how long this is, please ask any male colleagues who assure me they are scrupulously honest about such things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab spoil sports have just put the whole office on furlough. Back home watching Richard and Judy now. "

Love this

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By *lipy123TV/TS
over a year ago

Birmingham

"To all:

It has been reported that there is a potential slip hazard in the kitchen area, a slippery white substance has appeared on the floor.

It’s not yet known where this came from, I saw some trickling down NSP’s leg earlier but this will need further investigation."

Wasn't me

well maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can finish off what we was doing at the Christmas party. See you in the toilet in 5 xxx

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

We would like to announce the opening of this years staff awards and will currently be accepting nominations for the following categories.

The Long Service Award

Best Performance by a Staffs Member

Best New Comer

Outstanding client Service

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"As the new temporary CEO I would just like to formally announce that we are all about to undergo some serious position changes.

Those on top will now be on the bottom

Those on the bottom will have to make room for one more

And finally any awaiting positions on the side will be personally assigned a position of value to myself and the senior team

Thank you all for you time

To H,

Regards,

Sparkles

Dear HR, are you still under the impression this is a democracy?

You are really here to help organise the most efficient positions for the staff with the utmost of care for their wellbeing within the realms of health and safety.

PS can you also inform IT that there we are some software issues "

You've got us tied up with red tape and gagged

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As the new temporary CEO I would just like to formally announce that we are all about to undergo some serious position changes.

Those on top will now be on the bottom

Those on the bottom will have to make room for one more

And finally any awaiting positions on the side will be personally assigned a position of value to myself and the senior team

Thank you all for you time

To H,

Regards,

Sparkles

Dear HR, are you still under the impression this is a democracy?

You are really here to help organise the most efficient positions for the staff with the utmost of care for their wellbeing within the realms of health and safety.

PS can you also inform IT that there we are some software issues "

To H,

Not at all. I am very well aware of the position I hold in the office and what it entails. I'm also still waiting on your visit to HR regarding the position changes but if you take much longer our office will be closed for the day as we have very nearly exhausted ourselves looking after the well-being of the staff (chop chop now)

Ps, IT have been informed at your request.

Sparkles

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

Miss peach

Oh yes will do, we can have a good long girly chinwag.

Regards x"

Cracking, I'll organise some iced buns to nibble on.

Just a quickie, keep your eyes open for Wonky Roger, he's doing that hand in the pocket thing again. Not sure whether to report him or lock him in the broken ladies loo.

Look forward to seeing you in my orifice shortly

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By *uck-RogersMan
over a year ago

Tarka trail

As you all know. We pride ourselves on office security. To many of you have been loosing your office security pass cards.

As from Monday. we are doing away with with the security card scanners to enter the building.

Over the weekend, before you return to work on Monday a new system is being installed. The new system is years ahead of any other technology. No it is not a retina scanner, or a finger print scanner. This new system can not be duplicated.

To enter the building in future. You will have to sit on the new scanner called D.A.V.T. that is short for Dick/Ass/Vagina/Testicles.

As you may have guessed by now, this will require you to expose your sexual organs every time you enter the building.

When first registering your sexual organs on the security systems data base. You are requested not to have any of the following in or on you.

1. But plugs.

2. cock rings or cages.

3. Vaginal toys.

It is not our intention to collect any DNA on the scanner. So can you please make sure your D.A.V.T. is clean before the scan.

p.s. Sanitized wipes are available on request.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To All

We currently have a vacancy within finance. We need someone with good attention to detail to go over the figures.

Please apply within.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

so if anyone needs their holes punching they should see you for the time being

I'm very particular about equipment sharing and time is limited. I'll write up a rota somewhen.

Dear PP

We have received a complaint from Wonky Roger that you have been bullying him. He has assured me that just because his hands are in his pockets it doesn't mean they are idle. This is in fact supported by the fact that he has had to go home and change his trousers, twice just today. I hope that you will be agreeable to a meeting of all parties, arbitrated by myself, and we can come to an understanding to promote tolerance and co-operation in the workplace. In the event this should fail, we can consider disciplinary proceedings, again arbitrated by myself.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Who locked me in the Disabled toilets?!

It's fine!

I made good use of myself!

Jo.Xx

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

so if anyone needs their holes punching they should see you for the time being

I'm very particular about equipment sharing and time is limited. I'll write up a rota somewhen.

Dear PP

HR"
I'd call into question the disappearance of the tippex with wonky Roger ...both times he left the building with something while and sticky on his hands

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To All

We currently have a vacancy within finance. We need someone with good attention to detail to go over the figures.

Please apply within.

PW"

Is this to replace Mrs Legover ? I heard a rumour she had been fiddling with the figures and had to be shown the back door.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

so if anyone needs their holes punching they should see you for the time being

I'm very particular about equipment sharing and time is limited. I'll write up a rota somewhen.

Dear PP

HR"

To busy to attend. New multiple hole punching gadget to test.

However, if you think I'm a bully, come see me personally and we can sort it out like adults. Outside. Then you can give Wonky Rodge my regards along with his P45 and I'll drop some grapes into your hospital ward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To All

We currently have a vacancy within finance. We need someone with good attention to detail to go over the figures.

Please apply within.

Is this to replace Mrs Legover ? I heard a rumour she had been fiddling with the figures and had to be shown the back door. "

Now now, let's not be spreading rumours....not when spreading legs is more fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi, HR department here, you’re all fired for sexual harassment

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Hi, HR department here, you’re all fired for sexual harassment

Hi HR,

Yeah, that's a negative.

Have a great day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi, HR department here, you’re all fired for sexual harassment

Hi HR,

Yeah, that's a negative.

Have a great day. "

I think someone needs a refresher course in how we work, wanna give me a hand Peach?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To All

We currently have a vacancy within finance. We need someone with good attention to detail to go over the figures.

Please apply within.

Is this to replace Mrs Legover ? I heard a rumour she had been fiddling with the figures and had to be shown the back door.

Now now, let's not be spreading rumours....not when spreading legs is more fun

In the interests of social distancing the spreading of legs is advisable at all times.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Hi, HR department here, you’re all fired for sexual harassment

Hi HR,

Yeah, that's a negative.

Have a great day.

I think someone needs a refresher course in how we work, wanna give me a hand Peach?

Many hands make light work.

Stay away from his desk just before knocking off time, I'm pretty sure I can smell burning.

If anyone asks where I am just cover my arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi, HR department here, you’re all fired for sexual harassment

Hi HR,

Yeah, that's a negative.

Have a great day.

I think someone needs a refresher course in how we work, wanna give me a hand Peach?

Many hands make light work.

Stay away from his desk just before knocking off time, I'm pretty sure I can smell burning.

If anyone asks where I am just cover my arse "

Hi, HR department here, you’re all promoted for sexual harassment

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

rattle rattle ....... tea trolley dolly here....

Let me slide up and down your back corridor.

Come and get it while it's hot.

Do you want me to put two in for you ?

Oooooooooooo that's creamy....

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

Kent

All

Please be advised that there will be a lot of full loads delivered due to the restrictions in receiving our loads.

Please do you very best to facilitate you given load and make sure all in cuming dealt with hard and fast.

Load coordinator

Mr J

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi, HR department here, you’re all fired for sexual harassment

Hi HR,

Yeah, that's a negative.

Have a great day.

I think someone needs a refresher course in how we work, wanna give me a hand Peach?

Many hands make light work.

Stay away from his desk just before knocking off time, I'm pretty sure I can smell burning.

If anyone asks where I am just cover my arse "

Always happy to cover your arse Peach

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By *X2019Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"To All

We currently have a vacancy within finance. We need someone with good attention to detail to go over the figures.

Please apply within.

PW"

Re: Hi. Would any further vacancies be able to be forwarded onto me. I'm feeling like a change in career from the maintenance team. Can provide a CV and be interviewed where needed. Few managers here I wouldn't mind working under

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Hi, HR department here, you’re all fired for sexual harassment

Hi HR,

Yeah, that's a negative.

Have a great day.

I think someone needs a refresher course in how we work, wanna give me a hand Peach?

Many hands make light work.

Stay away from his desk just before knocking off time, I'm pretty sure I can smell burning.

If anyone asks where I am just cover my arse

Hi, HR department here, you’re all promoted for sexual harassment

Thought so, keep up the good work

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By *lueeyedvikingMan
over a year ago

Near

To all at fab office:

Over the Christmas break we have been inundated with parcels from love honey would all who have ordered please come collect and bring proof of purchase, failing this we will try the cinderella method of it it fits ypu can have it

Yours

Head of postroom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A polite notice.

The photocopier is no longer working due to an influx of certain individuals finding it "funny" to copy their private areas. Further to this, management are aware of one said person who may or may not have a certain type of passable infection...to this end it would be advised that all who participated in said activity to respectfully see the building doctor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bridget, glad to see you're back from being off sick, is skirt off sick too?

Please see me in my office immediately to sort out this LARGE job I have pressing currently ...

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"A polite notice.

I'm afraid I'll have to confess...I did abuse the photocopier.... following two large lunches at the end of last week... something fell out of my bum ....and another twenty smaller versions of the same thing came out soon after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To All...

The issues that were caused during the Xmas party need addressing..

Staff meeting?

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

In my defense...I wasn't the only one... several people copied me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yo Henriette,

Yeah I bugged your email.. and?

I may have already stolen the hole punch from Miss PW. Come get it next break, and bring Miss PW with you.

Cheers.

so if anyone needs their holes punching they should see you for the time being

I'm very particular about equipment sharing and time is limited. I'll write up a rota somewhen.

Dear PP

To busy to attend. New multiple hole punching gadget to test.

Dear PP

I'm sorry to hear that you feel unable to engage in an informal resolution process. I personally have no view at this stage, the complaint having been made by Wonky Roger, my department is obliged to respond impartially. I am happy to meet with you in person and I am obliged to inform that you have the right to have a friend present. I am also obliged to inform you that your friend should be a smoking hot lady in accordance with company policy. You may submit a list for my approval prior to the meeting if you wish. Thank you for the offer to bring soft fruit bit I would advise it would be inappropriate as it might be construed as a bribe. Further, I can assure you that I am currently in good health. Our meeting can be outside, weather permitting, in the interests of current social distancing practice. As you have elected to go straight to unsatisfactory performance procedures, our meeting will be recorded and possibly posted to u tube or an appropriately sleazy website, in accordance with company policy.

Best

ps. I have already reviewed particulars relating to Miss PW and Henriette and can inform you they are both pre-approved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top thread - you’re all fired !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ben Dover

Building facilities manger

Cc: All staff

It has come to my attention that several office users have left various items up my back passage. I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you.

In other news, in order to save on costs, I shall only be operating a one way service in the lifts from here on in. For those of you going up, please use the stairs, for anyone wanting to go down, you know where to find me.

Kind leotards

Ben

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To All

It has come to our attention that breaktimes are lasting longer than the allocated time and most employees are returning to their desk breathless sweaty and their clothing messy.

GET BACK TO WORK!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Will all the female office staff report to my office to take Dicktation

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Please email in your suggestions for a team building exercise.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Team building ..

Let's all try to catch each other using bra strap elastic

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Can everyone immediately delete all the male profiles on fab and prevent any men from rejoining, but leave that really nice _layfullsam on there, bless him he deserves a break

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Can everyone immediately delete all the male profiles on fab and prevent any men from rejoining, but leave that really nice _layfullsam on there, bless him he deserves a break

"
you better change your name to death by snu snu Sam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Please email in your suggestions for a team building exercise.

PW"

Exercise 1 - Hide the Sausage

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Please email in your suggestions for a team building exercise.

Exercise 1 - Hide the Sausage "

In cider ?

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Can everyone immediately delete all the male profiles on fab and prevent any men from rejoining, but leave that really nice _layfullsam on there, bless him he deserves a break

you better change your name to death by snu snu Sam

A guy can but dream

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To All

It has come to our attention that breaktimes are lasting longer than the allocated time and most employees are returning to their desk breathless sweaty and their clothing messy.

GET BACK TO WORK!

Hahaha

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By *ussexboxMan
over a year ago

Ferring

I see you made a mistake, was it a cock up at your end?!!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"I see you made a mistake, was it a cock up at your end?!!"
nah someone is fannying about your end

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

"Please email in your suggestions for a team building exercise.

PW"

Team building

Using only other people’s clothing you must create a piece of art likely to be found on Tracy Emin’s bedroom floor.

This is a group activity

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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago

Deep in the New Forest

To all staff members.

Ref staff carpark.

We've had a request from Larry the carpark attendant for overtime pay. Whilst we work through these difficult times we are not in a position to be paying any unauthorised overtime. So with this in mind can people stop using the staff carpark for dogging activities after work and let poor Larry lock up and go home on time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi all

It's your captain here

I would like to advise staff that all emails sent and websites accessed are monitored by myself.. I have seen some interesting things and those wishing to discuss this matter please come to my office, I will be sending personal messages to those requiring a punishment

P.S, Petite, can you get my spank paddle out as i will be needing it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am currently out of office

Please note, all emails sent during the next week will be automatically deleted.

For anything urgent please contact Incandescent, Meli, Miss Dreavus, sparklebitch or Lorraine999

Kind regards

Lily

PA to Fabwomenareslags

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi all

It's your captain here

P.S, Petite, can you get my spank paddle out as i will be needing it

Hi Captain.

MY spank paddle is in the middle drawer of your desk after our meeting yesterday when the cleaner entered the room without knocking. Use that's it's better than yours.

Or I could bring you my expensive shatterproof ruler you often want.

Petite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To All

It has come to our attention that breaktimes are lasting longer than the allocated time and most employees are returning to their desk breathless sweaty and their clothing messy.

GET BACK TO WORK!

Reported to HR and she is on her way to breaking area to check how cum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all

It's your captain here

P.S, Petite, can you get my spank paddle out as i will be needing it

Hi Captain.

MY spank paddle is in the middle drawer of your desk after our meeting yesterday when the cleaner entered the room without knocking. Use that's it's better than yours.

Or I could bring you my expensive shatterproof ruler you often want.

Petite

Thanks for that, I'll be sure to use that, although I'll take your shatterproof ruler too but will need to test it out on you before deciding if it's any good, please be prepared to put in some overtime.

Also, don't forget to send the email out for all staff to inform them tomorrow is Commando Wednesday, and also as it is Hump day they must all report to my office for the weekly fix of a good humping!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi all

It's your captain here

P.S, Petite, can you get my spank paddle out as i will be needing it

Hi Captain.

MY spank paddle is in the middle drawer of your desk after our meeting yesterday when the cleaner entered the room without knocking. Use that's it's better than yours.

Or I could bring you my expensive shatterproof ruler you often want.

Petite

Captain,

Happy to help and very keen for overtime at this time.

With regards to commando hump I will send the email but I will of course book myself in for coming first.

Regards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all

It's your captain here

P.S, Petite, can you get my spank paddle out as i will be needing it

Hi Captain.

MY spank paddle is in the middle drawer of your desk after our meeting yesterday when the cleaner entered the room without knocking. Use that's it's better than yours.

Or I could bring you my expensive shatterproof ruler you often want.

Petite

Captain,

Happy to help and very keen for overtime at this time.

With regards to commando hump I will send the email but I will of course book myself in for coming first.

Regards

PW"

Thanks.. there's a lot of work to catch up on so the overtime may run late, may end up being an all nighter and then i can book you in from midnight till my next slot xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New boss in town. Time for some appraisals.

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By *ungfunfellaMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

Hey all new client has been signed up and they want us all to be hard workers and go to any length to satisfy their needs

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