FabSwingers.com forum: Do you feel preasured to start a family?

By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

I had an interesting discussion about it with my parents of how the preasure of starting a family was greater back in days to do it early. I dont feel the same preasure of starting one, do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the pressure is still there for women. As I've got older, you get a constant reminder about the ticking clock. I personally don't want children, never have done, but people still continue to say 'You'll change your mind'. No one ever asks people why they do want children though

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By *awk90Man
over a year ago

Amsterdam

I feel it a bit, mainly from my parents. Thankfully my brother has a family now, taking some of the pressure off me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well im a guy and i have a massive weight on my shoulders to have my own kids. I run a business thats over 120 years old in the family and the sons have always taken it on, and im now 44 with no kids yet. Finding a partner that would want a family is incredibly difficult im finding. My life is very challenging and nit gor every woman to get involved with. Many of my exs didn't really take to it. Every woman i seem to meet and naturally fall into relationshios with are of an age where tgeyve had kids earlier in life and understandably are notvwanting to go there agsin in their 40s.. im not young enough looking it might appear to attract a 30 something girl whos not had kids yet. Its not impossible of vourse, just time is running out i feel and i cannot put into words the angst and heartache i will go through if i get to the point where i dont have a successor and have to sell up. Utter failure.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"Well im a guy and i have a massive weight on my shoulders to have my own kids. I run a business thats over 120 years old in the family and the sons have always taken it on, and im now 44 with no kids yet. Finding a partner that would want a family is incredibly difficult im finding. My life is very challenging and nit gor every woman to get involved with. Many of my exs didn't really take to it. Every woman i seem to meet and naturally fall into relationshios with are of an age where tgeyve had kids earlier in life and understandably are notvwanting to go there agsin in their 40s.. im not young enough looking it might appear to attract a 30 something girl whos not had kids yet. Its not impossible of vourse, just time is running out i feel and i cannot put into words the angst and heartache i will go through if i get to the point where i dont have a successor and have to sell up. Utter failure. "

That’s an incredible burden to have on your shoulders.

Can you just not find someone, train them up and let them run the place and you be a silent partner? You can have a contract drawn up with terms, such as the name is kept the same.

I know it’s not the same, but surely better to look at other options than to carry such a heavy responsibility. It’s not fair on you or any potential partner really.

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

I have no children, wasn’t through choice was a case of I did not meet the right man to settle with.

Society is horrible over this...

I change me address at the doctors recently, filled form out just me... handed to reception lady looked at it and asked... “is it just you” that hurt.. felt like saying no I live with 7 men!

Was liking for a car last year, looking for a small nippy car... salesman said... there is no point you buying a small car you will outgrow it in a few years....

When I meet people for first time, I always get asked how many kids I have, and a confused look when I say none!

Society does not like single independent ladies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s the destination for me. Fab is my transition phase.

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By *enuine MikeMan
over a year ago

Guildford

I get it in the neck from parents but especially from relatives.

For me, Its not so much the pressure from others but the frustration that I havent met anyone to actually settle down with. I've never had a serious girlfriend long enough to even consider her as partner material let alone mother to my child.

As the years roll on, the realisation that im

destined for single life is becoming ever greater.

It gets to me but it is what it is. Contributing factors is probably my work and the amount of hours I do. I dont have friends who are single to go out with anymore, so you end up as a bit of an outcast, hoping that one day you may find someone on the online dating platforms.

It can be depressing and difficult at times. Buy hey ho! Just have to get on with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was tremendous from my family and friends right up until even only a couple of years ago (one of my friends had her first child at 50)... None of them respected my decision that i had no interest in bringing a child into the world

Fostering is something i occasionally thought about, but i work long hours and i have a great job that i would not want to give up.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Not to start but to add. When I had my daughter I wanted to focus on her, as coming from a large family you get overlooked. I didn't want that for her.

My plan was to focus on her and have another when she went to school so I could focus on the baby during the day. My mum and mother-in-law thought a two year gap was enough so the children could play together and kept on and on!

My daughters are 29, 33 and 37...

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

Your not a failure, do you have a nephew or niece? Or even a cousins children who’d be interested in running the business?

These traditions were from a different time and age. Do not feel pressured xxxx

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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago

Norfolk East anglia

If you want children how about looking at adoption

Or as someone else said train a person up and have a contract stating it stays how it is

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

It's sad that you feel that pressure. Shouldn't you have children because you want children rather than because it's good for your business?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I think the pressure is still there for women. As I've got older, you get a constant reminder about the ticking clock. I personally don't want children, never have done, but people still continue to say 'You'll change your mind'. No one ever asks people why they do want children though

Yep, this is my experience too. In fact I've even been denied medical treatment due to potential effects on my fertility despite being adamant that I don't want children

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No. I'm 66 next week.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could adopt?

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

I used to get a lot of pressure to start a family from my mum who always said that I'd make a great dad and that she would be sad to see the line from my biological dad end with me.

Friends who had got children also tried to say that I should be doing my bit to keep the human race going as well, like there weren't already enough people having children and the world's population wasn't growing enough as it was!

I avoided it all and eventually managed to get the snip in my early 30's and don't regret not having children for a moment and I never will.

Its simply not for everyone and its far from a selfish act either for so many reasons.

Now that I'm almost 50, I couldnt be happier that I managed never to bring a child into this world of my own.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

At my age ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was in my early to mid 20's I used to have family do the whole, so when you going to start settling down, start a family?

I knew at a young age I didn't want kids. When I'd say this to family they'd usually say things like, oh but you'd make a great dad. I'd usually reply with something like. So? Even if that would be the case, doesn't mean I should.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Yes. Ended up getting married in 1999 and divorced in 2000.

Taught me a good lesson, not to let others make my life decision.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

[Removed by poster at 28/12/20 14:49:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need to find a partner first

But if I do, I imagine there will be pressure. In Indian culture, there's definitely an expectation to have kids rather than it being a choice. My older brother isn't having kids so I imagine the pressure has increased on me by my parents to have them.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I wasn’t because I was told at 19 it would never happen naturally

J x

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I’ve always made it clear from a very young age that kids were not on my agenda and I’m pleased I stuck to it

Nor did I favour marriage just because everyone else thought I should.

Independently single and more than happy with my life. Fab is my occasional indulgence

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By *osebud6688Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

I have always wanted children but I haven’t ever met the right man. At 32 I realise I still have a few years but I never thought I’d be in this position - definitely feels like the clock is now ticking.

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By *ueen of sleezeWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

We got married on the understanding that we wernt having a family we had talked and talked about and we were both comfortable with the decision.

8 years into the marriage he asked if I would consider Changing my mind what a shock

We talked and talked a year later I was pregnant

You can change your mind but it should be your decision

It was definitely the right decision for me

Took my life in different directions but wow made me see far more

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By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

I feel at 41 great pressure to start a family definitely. Hopefully will with my trans bf when he moves to uk after this has all quietened down a bit. We would love to share it with a 3rd in time too but will see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a child at 27 (2018), left the relationship last year due to abuse.

As much as I'm not ready for another relationship and sometimes don't feel the need for a relationship again (mainly because of what I've been through, I always wanted 2 children with a small age gap between and still do.

With what I've experienced on the dating sites so far, the prospect of finding a suitable life long partner and baby Daddy seems highly unlikely. It's even crossed my mind to use a sperm doner and go it alone. I pretty much raised my daughter on my own so could do it again with a second child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 46 in April and feel relieved that the pressure is finally off of me to live a conventional life.

Now people do a face and pity me when they find out I'm single and childless rather than ask me when I'm going to start a family

It's OK I no longer care what most people think

It used to upset me in my 20's and 30's that people thought me a lesser person because I didn't follow the same path as them.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope not at all

If it happens it happens

If it happens and say was a d*unken one night stand

I still be there ever step off the way and be there to support the child

If me and the mom try and make a go

I be there for the child no matter what regardless off of me and the mother don’t see eye to eye

That’s not the child’s fault and should have both parents in it’s life

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Thankfully, that's all stopped now!

I've never wanted kids - knew from a very young age. The amount of times I was also told "you'll regret it when you're older".

Well, I'm older now. Definitely do NOT regret it, though I do regret the number of friends that have gone by the wayside due to their inability to talk about anything other than their little darlings!

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By *immyleaMan
over a year ago

Derby

It's definitely more the case in cities where religion (particularly Roman Catholic) is a major imperative. Moving back to Birmingham in my mid 40s, I was totally unprepared for how unforgiving the city's culture is towards single middle aged men- because the last time I lived here, I'd been 20. And back then, at THAT age, it was amazing. Even when I visited into my mid 20s, it was a great city to meet partners and hook up for sex. Especially if you had long hair and looked a bit like a member of Motley Crue, which I did.

However, I've come to realise since my return in 2017 that much like Glasgow (where I lived for three pointless years between 2007 and 2010) this is STILL, all these years on, the kind of place where despite its size, the majority of permament residents (as opposed to the students that make up about 20 percent of its transient population) ARE pressurised socially into settling down and having kids by the time they're 26 or 27 lest they be left on the shelf as a permanent pariah. Practically everyone of my age in town is married, including the few old mates with whom I've reconnected: if not, they've BEEN married and are now divorced, but about 90 percent of them have had children. And they look disparagingly upon people who haven't, even if the relationship that begat them ultimately turns out to fail.

It's just what people do round here- whereas in other, more cosmopolitan cities (London, Brighton, Bristol, Manchester, Leeds, Nottingham, Sheffield, Newcastle, Blackpool) it's far less the case. Not only that, but it dawns on you that the only reason the West Midlands IS such a large conurbation is BECAUSE of its propensity for churning out an abnormally high volume of sprogs. That is literally what makes it the "second city" - its population. It sure as hell ain't because it's any kind of broadminded metropolis!!

And, naturally, because I've NEVER wanted to father children (the fact that I have about 8 disabilities puts me off fo a start, plus I still have so many things to do that I've not yet done) I'm an outcast. I was once even looked at with surprise, shock and amazement by a couple when I told them I'd never married or had children- IN A SWINGERS' CLUB UP HERE!! I mean, if there's one place where you'd think you WOULDN'T be judged, it's there, but no. Luckily, I have one mate up here who like me is an 'outsider' (he's from Bath) and as a result, we've been a 'bubble' throughout Covid. But should there EVER come a time when people want to meet one another again, I know that I will have to travel outside of this region (or even better, move from it) to meet a woman or women with a similar outlook. The irony is, I have nothing against people starting families at all: and when my mates down South did, I would be the first to congratulate them. But I DO take exception to that horrible "Educating Rita" style paradigm whereby certain places consider it compulsory. And sadly, this town (and its surrounding neighbours) is one of those places.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly don't but I do want to start one soon.

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By *ip2Man
over a year ago

Near Maidenhead

I've had dreams recently about crying because of not having had any children...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one has ever pressured me to start a family. In fact I was the one desperate for one, and my ex out every barrier in the way to stop us from ever getting to that point.

My family are happy as long as I am, so when I (hopefully one day) have little humans of my own they’ll be delighted whenever it happens, and just as happy if it doesn’t happen for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No pressure from my family for me to have kids but I definitely beat myself up about it. Since I was young I always wanted a family and it's never quite happened. I'd love kids but every year that passes I kinda have to prepare myself that it won't happen. But I'm not going to bring a kid into the world unless I'm crazy about the woman bearing my child!

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

Ive been fairly open about now wanting kids to my family my whole adult life, they're still of the 'you'll change your mind one day' camp. But if I've thought the same thing foe the past 15 years then I dont think its going to change. Luckily I have 2 sisters, one already has 3 kids and the other one wants them so at least my parents are set on the grandkids front

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

I did when younger so jokingly hit my parents with science.

My dad & his brother married my mum & her sister. My parents were the younger two by a few years so my male cousin was married with a son before I was ready to even think about a wife let alone kids.

My logic was the family name/gene would now continue without my assistance.

They were not impressed

As it happened neither lived long enough to see our kids, who are girls

But I know they would have doted on them.

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