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How to tell your partner your fantasies

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hey everyone. I have fantasies about swapping partners and even cuckolding, but I've never found the courage to tell her my fantasies or the fact I want to play them out, mainly because I don't know what to say or what would be a suitable time to bring such a thing up and partly because my parter is very reluctant to try newer or unusual things in the bedroom. How did you deal with similar experiences? And what would of done differently?

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

My advice is to not have the conversation at home. Go out somewhere new so that if the chat doesn't go well it wont spoil the location cor tour partner.

You can either try and test the water by talking about a subject, or just go fully in. Its not just good enough to say what you want to do but why.

Expect a typical reaction as to why she isn’t enough for you, which can hurt her self esteem.

Be warned that once you open that bottle there is no getting it shut again. She will be suspicious about any behaviour and nay feel you are cheating even if you are not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for your advice. It's partly the reason why I'm hesitating on telling her, I don't want to hurt her feelings or knock her self esteem, she can be a delicate person at times but she can also be an animal in the bedroom so she is enough, it's more the cuckolding fantasy I want to play out, I can't think of a hotter fantasy of watching my partner orgasm from someone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Inevitably, OP, someone will come along and ask if she knows you are on here and have you shown her your profile.

Might be worth discussing these things with her before meeting others

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Start small and work up. Begin by creating a climate in which you can both talk about fantasies with no judgement on either side. It's as much about her fantasies as yours and you might find she has some that make you feel threatened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put post notes around the place for her to find. Start slow, I'd like a bj. Build it up to I'd love to watch you being gangbanged in a nightclub by strangers.

You could even have that last one tattooed on your body as a big reveal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Put post notes around the place for her to find. Start slow, I'd like a bj. Build it up to I'd love to watch you being gangbanged in a nightclub by strangers.

You could even have that last one tattooed on your body as a big reveal."

This is great. Put all the notes out together though! See which one she finds first then show her the tattoo "cuckold" what could go wrong.

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters


"Start small and work up. Begin by creating a climate in which you can both talk about fantasies with no judgement on either side. It's as much about her fantasies as yours and you might find she has some that make you feel threatened. "

+1 to this advice. Rather than jumping straight in with "I really want to see you being fucked by someone else," you need to create a safe, judgement-free environment for you both to be able to talk openly and honestly about both of your sexual wants and fantasies. It's important that she feels comfortable enough before being vulnerable in that way, and also to be able to listen to yours with more acceptance and open-mindedness.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

See its hard to get her to even open up about her fantasies, to the point she says she hasn't got any which I know isn't true and is her just closing up, I think it maybe her getting to embarrassed and feeling awkward talking about such things. The only time she opens up to a degree is while I'm pleasing her. She would never have any fantasy that would make me feel threatened so I guess it's a case of convincing her otherwise?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ahh I see, I just don't know how to create an environment like that?. I've always been a shy-ish person and always had trouble finding the right setting or even the right words for awkward subjects. Thank you all for you help so far!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I know maybe it's something that is better explored together from the get go but I just wanted to get a bit of experience before I brung the subject up with my partner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it snows heavily in your area soon you could create some sexy snow scenes outside your home. Maybe a snowman getting a bj while another one watched.

If you purchase some dye you could colour one to be black (if that's what you wish obv). Up to you.

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters


"See its hard to get her to even open up about her fantasies, to the point she says she hasn't got any which I know isn't true and is her just closing up, I think it maybe her getting to embarrassed and feeling awkward talking about such things. The only time she opens up to a degree is while I'm pleasing her. She would never have any fantasy that would make me feel threatened so I guess it's a case of convincing her otherwise?"

Yep, feel your pain there as mine often says the same thing.

I think maybe the best tone to try and set for her is on a date night, where the subtext is already on the seductive, sexual side of things. Wine and dine her, share a couple of drinks to get tipsy and relaxed, get the flirty chat flowing, etc. This could lay the groundwork for such discussions, and then maybe while pleasuring her you can try some dirty talk and fantasy chat?

It's a tough situation to be in, for sure, and I understand all too well your predicament. I wish you luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hahahaha f****NG brilliant!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to my partner....

"I have this fantasy...."

I'm now single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I said to my partner....

"I have this fantasy...."

I'm now single "

Was it the fantasy of posting a picture online of your genitals covered by tinsel and a box of Mr Kipling mince pies?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I said to my partner....

"I have this fantasy...."

I'm now single

Was it the fantasy of posting a picture online of your genitals covered by tinsel and a box of Mr Kipling mince pies? "

Hahaha... Nope... It was the fantasy of being single again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I said to my partner....

"I have this fantasy...."

I'm now single

Was it the fantasy of posting a picture online of your genitals covered by tinsel and a box of Mr Kipling mince pies?

Hahaha... Nope... It was the fantasy of being single again "

I meant

Not eye roll lol

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By *ono100Man
over a year ago

liverpool

Watching different porn while a bit tipsy mane , taking their fantasy’s , finding out what turns her on the most , and each time suggesting it more of your fantasy ?

All ways worked fir me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't you believe that she hasn't got any fantasies?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Probably not helpful for your position but I've only ever gotten into relationships with people I can openly talk about that kind of thing with.

Though one suggestion would be that any topic should be up for discussion but that discussion should come with no expectation. Each person should feel just as comfortable to voice not being interested in something as they are to raise something.

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By *oppolocosTV/TS
over a year ago

inverurie

Discussing your fantasies, your needs with a partner can be really difficult. Told my wife about my dressing many years ago. At first she tried to get along with it us both in sexy lingerie, but she couldn't get into it. Thus we have an understanding, I don't flaunt my dressing and she doesn't mind if she occasionally sees me dressed or finds some of my stuff. However, she won't even discuss or acknowledge my bisexuality. We have talked about threesomes, swapping etc, but she just doesn't want to know. Since I've been more open about my needs she has become more closed about things. Maybe you'll be luckier, but you have to be honest with her. My wife knows she can ask me anything and I will be totally honest, which is why she probably never asks about my other life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sher is great like that i can tell her anything she will give her view but never take offence.

I even said id like a threesome with her and her daughter and she just laughed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"See its hard to get her to even open up about her fantasies, to the point she says she hasn't got any which I know isn't true and is her just closing up, I think it maybe her getting to embarrassed and feeling awkward talking about such things. The only time she opens up to a degree is while I'm pleasing her. She would never have any fantasy that would make me feel threatened so I guess it's a case of convincing her otherwise? "

So why can't you just not?

You know her we don't, you've clearly indicated it may not go down well with her at all and that it might negatively impact on her so just don't.

If you knew she hated turkey would you try and talk her into eating it... No, you'd either have something else or she would and you'd have turkey.

Keep your fantasies but don't try to make her share them when you already know it's not gonna be her thing. Only my view, ultimately its your choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"See its hard to get her to even open up about her fantasies, to the point she says she hasn't got any which I know isn't true and is her just closing up, I think it maybe her getting to embarrassed and feeling awkward talking about such things. The only time she opens up to a degree is while I'm pleasing her. She would never have any fantasy that would make me feel threatened so I guess it's a case of convincing her otherwise?

So why can't you just not?

You know her we don't, you've clearly indicated it may not go down well with her at all and that it might negatively impact on her so just don't.

If you knew she hated turkey would you try and talk her into eating it... No, you'd either have something else or she would and you'd have turkey.

Keep your fantasies but don't try to make her share them when you already know it's not gonna be her thing. Only my view, ultimately its your choice. "

Turkey is lovely...... Very cheap at the moment too

Oh the fantasy thing.. Start slowly, find out about your wife's fantasy..... Might even involve a holiday somewhere HOT and a dark haired man

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By *ow are you ABCMan
over a year ago

Chester

To be pegged by a woman with a strap on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sher is great like that i can tell her anything she will give her view but never take offence.

I even said id like a threesome with her and her daughter and she just laughed"

Did you fuck her daughter without her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Put post notes around the place for her to find. Start slow, I'd like a bj. Build it up to I'd love to watch you being gangbanged in a nightclub by strangers.

You could even have that last one tattooed on your body as a big reveal."

Or Google 'mojo upgrade'.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"Probably not helpful for your position but I've only ever gotten into relationships with people I can openly talk about that kind of thing with.

Though one suggestion would be that any topic should be up for discussion but that discussion should come with no expectation. Each person should feel just as comfortable to voice not being interested in something as they are to raise something. "

This

Trouble is, someone banging on at you to “tell them your fantasies” is just not sexy for a lot of folk.

Most just like vanilla sex. It only seems to be on Fab where folk expect people to be into all sorts of wild sex as standard.

And talking about fantasies and doing anything about them are completely different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sher is great like that i can tell her anything she will give her view but never take offence.

I even said id like a threesome with her and her daughter and she just laughed

Did you fuck her daughter without her?"

No would like to lol and i told sher she just laughs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was hubby who brought it out of me. The irony being that he doesn’t want to play, but likes the idea of me doing it. We are so, so blessed that our fantasies were aligned.

Try asking questions like ‘have you ever thought about’ or ‘what do you think of’ instead of ‘here’s what I like.’ Shifting the focus to her wants and needs will make it less likely that she will be defensive or shocked.

The important thing is that before this you are in a space where you can be honest about all things, not just sex. Money, aspirations, fears etc. In order to take that step, be prepared for her to not like it, in which case you have to ask yourself if you will be able to move forward knowing your fantasies are off the table.

Wish you all the best with this x

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Probably not helpful for your position but I've only ever gotten into relationships with people I can openly talk about that kind of thing with.

Though one suggestion would be that any topic should be up for discussion but that discussion should come with no expectation. Each person should feel just as comfortable to voice not being interested in something as they are to raise something.

This

Trouble is, someone banging on at you to “tell them your fantasies” is just not sexy for a lot of folk.

Most just like vanilla sex. It only seems to be on Fab where folk expect people to be into all sorts of wild sex as standard.

And talking about fantasies and doing anything about them are completely different. "

I don't really date anyone who just likes vanilla sex. I specifically seek out people who are a bit deviant in some way. Sex isn't everything but it's better to at least start from a place of decent compatibility.

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By *ensual 2Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool


"Start small and work up. Begin by creating a climate in which you can both talk about fantasies with no judgement on either side. It's as much about her fantasies as yours and you might find she has some that make you feel threatened. "
Agree ....be honest open with each other ...little steps...you may get a nice surprise later on

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Op, Google mojo upgrade

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for you advice, everyone one here seems so helpful and our relationship is slowly getting more trusting in that aspect, so I just need to carry on and listen to her wants and needs. So what was you initial reaction when your hubby opened up about it? Was you weirded out about it at all?. I know she'll stay with me no matter what but I'm scared of her reaction and what she'll initially think of me. And when and if she does ever accept it and join in I, wanted to get a bit of experience so it makes her first time enjoyable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My advice is to not have the conversation at home. Go out somewhere new so that if the chat doesn't go well it wont spoil the location cor tour partner.

You can either try and test the water by talking about a subject, or just go fully in. Its not just good enough to say what you want to do but why.

Expect a typical reaction as to why she isn’t enough for you, which can hurt her self esteem.

Be warned that once you open that bottle there is no getting it shut again. She will be suspicious about any behaviour and nay feel you are cheating even if you are not."

The above is the best advice you have been given here. But as said above once you uncork that bottle it might be inpossible to shut it again. Imagine you feel after a few meets this is not for you but she now loves the experiences. When you lay your cards down be prepared to lose as if a guy shows her a better time than you she just might call and end to you and her. Thats the downfall of russian roulette swinging. You want this more than her otherwise she would be on here with you and not you on a singles profile. I am not slagging you off but just think it though or you might lose what you got for a thrill. Hope you decide whats best for you both. Atb. John

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/12/20 14:41:25]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never get it when people are married why they can't talk freely to each other that should be the number one thing in a relationship ... yet they are happy to ask stranger for the answers they should be getting from the people they love ...yet no one on here knows her ???

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Me and my husband have always openly talked about our fantasies together ..The ones that we both mutually get turned on by we have either tried or will get around to trying eventually.

I can’t think of anything worse than being in a relationship and not being able to discuss openly about things .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd suggest raising in a non personal way. Maybe watch some porn together and see how she responds to it, or you could raise it and say you saw it on a TV programme and wondered what she thought of the idea. That way if her answer is a firm no, you haven't implied you want it. If she's not into swapping, then you saying you are might hurt her as she'll think you want to sleep with other women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" never get it when people are married why they can't talk freely to each other that should be the number one thing in a relationship ... yet they are happy to ask stranger for the answers they should be getting from the people they love ...yet no one on here knows her ??? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My advice is to not have the conversation at home. Go out somewhere new so that if the chat doesn't go well it wont spoil the location cor tour partner.

You can either try and test the water by talking about a subject, or just go fully in. Its not just good enough to say what you want to do but why.

Expect a typical reaction as to why she isn’t enough for you, which can hurt her self esteem.

Be warned that once you open that bottle there is no getting it shut again. She will be suspicious about any behaviour and nay feel you are cheating even if you are not.

The above is the best advice you have been given here. But as said above once you uncork that bottle it might be inpossible to shut it again. Imagine you feel after a few meets this is not for you but she now loves the experiences. When you lay your cards down be prepared to lose as if a guy shows her a better time than you she just might call and end to you and her. Thats the downfall of russian roulette swinging. You want this more than her otherwise she would be on here with you and not you on a singles profile. I am not slagging you off but just think it though or you might lose what you got for a thrill. Hope you decide whats best for you both. Atb. John"

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By *istyblue1967Man
over a year ago

manchester

has she had many boyfriends in the past

if you are the only one

i doubt she will partake

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

No she hasn't had many boyfriends but the way she acts and the signals I get from her is she would do it she's just reluctant for some reason

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No she hasn't had many boyfriends but the way she acts and the signals I get from her is she would do it she's just reluctant for some reason"

Talk to her. You simply can't assume you know what her intent is. You've probably opened up more to us than to her. Try it, you might be surprised

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters


"never get it when people are married why they can't talk freely to each other that should be the number one thing in a relationship ..."

You're right, and in a perfect world that's exactly how love, life and relationships would work all the time for everyone. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world, and real life is much more complicated than that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No she hasn't had many boyfriends but the way she acts and the signals I get from her is she would do it she's just reluctant for some reason

Talk to her. You simply can't assume you know what her intent is. You've probably opened up more to us than to her. Try it, you might be surprised "

Thank you, your right in saying I've opened up more to you lot. I will open up to her about it very soon its just makig her believe I'm being genuine and not trying to catch her out at something. (last boyfriend was pretty paranoid apparently) +

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No she hasn't had many boyfriends but the way she acts and the signals I get from her is she would do it she's just reluctant for some reason

Talk to her. You simply can't assume you know what her intent is. You've probably opened up more to us than to her. Try it, you might be surprised

Thank you, your right in saying I've opened up more to you lot. I will open up to her about it very soon its just makig her believe I'm being genuine and not trying to catch her out at something. (last boyfriend was pretty paranoid apparently) +"

Can you see the irony on trying to boost someone's confidence in you as someone they can trust by talking about them to other people?

Why very soon? What's the problem with now?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does she read fantasy novels?

If you’re finding hard to tell her maybe you could write it down? That way you could tell her that you’ve written something and when she reads it, it could start a conversation about acting it out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My relationships have always involved lots of sex and me being 100% open and honest from the start. Which normally puts it in a good pace to discuss things like this... it's always backfired eventually.

If I could do it again... you won't like it but... I'd have a "normal" vanilla relationship and get my kink somewhere else. Yes I'd lie.

I think it's very rare to get both a solid relationship and sexual liberation. The minority on here are a false representation and you have no real idea how it works for them.

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