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Going Celibate/losing my granny (nan)/Opening up a bit

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Like most of you, I've had a tough year. Studying in a foreign country, being away from home for the first time etc. Facing several financial hardships across here, and losing not one but 2 close family members while across here. My cousin died in February of this year(I found out she had a heart attack and slipped into a stroke on Christmas Day, it happened on Christmas Eve, and that Christmas I had nothing to eat (I was working temporarily at Wetherspoons at the time and I got my pay on Boxing Day) I was also alone last Christmas as all my flatmates went back home for the holidays. So after almost 2 months she stopped breathing and passed away a few days after my birthday. My grandmother passed away a couple of days ago, Wednesday evening to be exact (I was actually video chatting with her when she died) not having a steady job (other than he did modeling gig). I'm grateful for the friends I've made across here in the UK. But I've tried and failed adjusting to life across here and I dating across here has just been the absolute worse for me.

Anytime I go to the gym and I see a couple walking hand in hand I ask "what's the matter with me?" I haven't had one serious relationship since I've been here for a year and three months and I just think I'm tok different, too weird etc.

I'm definitely too nice and romantic for women up here and while there have been some good times on this site, it's been more bad than good. Happiness is something that may elude me through most of my life I fear.

I'm not leaving fab, but I'm taking a vow of celibacy until I put own life back in order and feel like I can trust another woman with my body again. Rifht now, I genuinely felt like I was just used and abused (physically and emotionally) and the most I'm willing to be right now is a woman's friend until I feel comfortable to be romantic with a woman again. I'm fed up of the ONS and really feeling like I'm some woman's conquest and then they move on.

Just wanted to say that, will still observe and try to learn and understand daring life across here by watching through the forums but I'm giving women and by extension sex a much needed break.

I know this might sound like a woman wrote this and for that I guess I'm too sensitive for my own good mixed with my Caribbean upbringing.

Have a lovely Christmas Season and a wonderful new year, like you I'm hoping to just pick up the fragments that I've been left with courtesy 2020 and put them back together in 2021.

I'm sorry for opening up like this but I didn't feel to post this on any social media pages, so I decided to do it here, hope this was ok, just needed to open up a bit...

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts


"Like most of you, I've had a tough year. Studying in a foreign country, being away from home for the first time etc. Facing several financial hardships across here, and losing not one but 2 close family members while across here. My cousin died in February of this year(I found out she had a heart attack and slipped into a stroke on Christmas Day, it happened on Christmas Eve, and that Christmas I had nothing to eat (I was working temporarily at Wetherspoons at the time and I got my pay on Boxing Day) I was also alone last Christmas as all my flatmates went back home for the holidays. So after almost 2 months she stopped breathing and passed away a few days after my birthday. My grandmother passed away a couple of days ago, Wednesday evening to be exact (I was actually video chatting with her when she died) not having a steady job (other than he did modeling gig). I'm grateful for the friends I've made across here in the UK. But I've tried and failed adjusting to life across here and I dating across here has just been the absolute worse for me.

Anytime I go to the gym and I see a couple walking hand in hand I ask "what's the matter with me?" I haven't had one serious relationship since I've been here for a year and three months and I just think I'm tok different, too weird etc.

I'm definitely too nice and romantic for women up here and while there have been some good times on this site, it's been more bad than good. Happiness is something that may elude me through most of my life I fear.

I'm not leaving fab, but I'm taking a vow of celibacy until I put own life back in order and feel like I can trust another woman with my body again. Rifht now, I genuinely felt like I was just used and abused (physically and emotionally) and the most I'm willing to be right now is a woman's friend until I feel comfortable to be romantic with a woman again. I'm fed up of the ONS and really feeling like I'm some woman's conquest and then they move on.

Just wanted to say that, will still observe and try to learn and understand daring life across here by watching through the forums but I'm giving women and by extension sex a much needed break.

I know this might sound like a woman wrote this and for that I guess I'm too sensitive for my own good mixed with my Caribbean upbringing.

Have a lovely Christmas Season and a wonderful new year, like you I'm hoping to just pick up the fragments that I've been left with courtesy 2020 and put them back together in 2021.

I'm sorry for opening up like this but I didn't feel to post this on any social media pages, so I decided to do it here, hope this was ok, just needed to open up a bit..."

Maybe you could do a thesis on this??

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

Bloody hell ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you're OK OP x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Like most of you, I've had a tough year. Studying in a foreign country, being away from home for the first time etc. Facing several financial hardships across here, and losing not one but 2 close family members while across here. My cousin died in February of this year(I found out she had a heart attack and slipped into a stroke on Christmas Day, it happened on Christmas Eve, and that Christmas I had nothing to eat (I was working temporarily at Wetherspoons at the time and I got my pay on Boxing Day) I was also alone last Christmas as all my flatmates went back home for the holidays. So after almost 2 months she stopped breathing and passed away a few days after my birthday. My grandmother passed away a couple of days ago, Wednesday evening to be exact (I was actually video chatting with her when she died) not having a steady job (other than he did modeling gig). I'm grateful for the friends I've made across here in the UK. But I've tried and failed adjusting to life across here and I dating across here has just been the absolute worse for me.

Anytime I go to the gym and I see a couple walking hand in hand I ask "what's the matter with me?" I haven't had one serious relationship since I've been here for a year and three months and I just think I'm tok different, too weird etc.

I'm definitely too nice and romantic for women up here and while there have been some good times on this site, it's been more bad than good. Happiness is something that may elude me through most of my life I fear.

I'm not leaving fab, but I'm taking a vow of celibacy until I put own life back in order and feel like I can trust another woman with my body again. Rifht now, I genuinely felt like I was just used and abused (physically and emotionally) and the most I'm willing to be right now is a woman's friend until I feel comfortable to be romantic with a woman again. I'm fed up of the ONS and really feeling like I'm some woman's conquest and then they move on.

Just wanted to say that, will still observe and try to learn and understand daring life across here by watching through the forums but I'm giving women and by extension sex a much needed break.

I know this might sound like a woman wrote this and for that I guess I'm too sensitive for my own good mixed with my Caribbean upbringing.

Have a lovely Christmas Season and a wonderful new year, like you I'm hoping to just pick up the fragments that I've been left with courtesy 2020 and put them back together in 2021.

I'm sorry for opening up like this but I didn't feel to post this on any social media pages, so I decided to do it here, hope this was ok, just needed to open up a bit...

Maybe you could do a thesis on this??

"

My thesis is on my time across here.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

That’s a long post OP

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bloody hell ...."

I know everyone has suffered in different ways in 2020, just needed to get some of the pain out tbh with you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I hope you're OK OP x"

I'm not but hopefully 2021 can bring better days. Thanks for the kind words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best of luck op best of luck!!!!

T

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Sorry for your losses.

I hope the time out gives you the space you need to focus on you. Allow yourself to grieve.

I don't think you're too nice btw, and you'd be doing yourself a disservice by believing you are. I think with you, you overthink the being nice, and how to be nice and how to treat a woman with respect.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs mate ...give yourself the time and grace to recover your life ...

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Bloody hell ....

I know everyone has suffered in different ways in 2020, just needed to get some of the pain out tbh with you."

Yes there has been lots of suffering in 2020. Lots to be positive about though OP.

Take care

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry for your losses.

I hope the time out gives you the space you need to focus on you. Allow yourself to grieve.

I don't think you're too nice btw, and you'd be doing yourself a disservice by believing you are. I think with you, you overthink the being nice, and how to be nice and how to treat a woman with respect.

"

Thanks and I do everything things but only when I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hugs mate ...give yourself the time and grace to recover your life ... "

Thanks, trying to

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

Hugs OP, take care of you xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brave post

Sending positive thoughts

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Sounds like you're taking control in an effort to make life better.

I dig that, man.

Wish you well going forward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know about the loss of a loved one this year buddy.

No matter how shit the cards are that have been dealt us we owe it to them and ourselves to play the best hand we can...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good that you were able to open up about this OP. It has been an incredibly challenging year for people who haven’t had to deal anywhere near what you have. I think giving your space to contemplate who you are and how you want to be is a great investment in yourself. Celibacy is a great discipline for clearing the mind and focusing on what is truly important. I wish you all the very best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs and love, OP. Sending PM now to ya. Mrs xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP can you go home and visit? You don't really seem happy here. Maybe it's just very different to what you are used to.

Hope you feel better for taking a break. It takes the pressure off I think, and you can just be 'you' again.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

You know my lovely I'm glad that you post.

It feels good to let shit out!

And yes, it'd been a shitty year full stop!

I'm sorry to hear of your losses x

Wishing you the best for the coming year....things can only pick up x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That sounds like a rough ride, so sorry for your loss and hardships, 2020 has been an absolute shit of a year, glad you are putting yourself and your needs first, that is needed first and foremost

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I hope your luck changes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hugs and love, OP. Sending PM now to ya. Mrs xxxx "

Thanks sweetheart hugs and kisses for you as well xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OP can you go home and visit? You don't really seem happy here. Maybe it's just very different to what you are used to.

Hope you feel better for taking a break. It takes the pressure off I think, and you can just be 'you' again. "

Borders are closed in my country and to be honest I wasn't much happy at home in my country (with the exception of coose friends and family) I just feel at times that I don't fit in anywhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope your okay OP. We all lose our way sometimes, just take time for you and im sure you will start to feel happy again soon. Hugs

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Gosh OP that's a harsh year by any ones standards.

Sorry that you have gone through all of that hard stuff.

You are right to give yourself time to process it all and work it through.

I hope you've got some support in real life. The Samaritans are always there if you need to vent. You don't have to be suicidal to use their service, they can provide a listening ear when you need to talk or get things off your chest.

Hug of support to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hope your okay OP. We all lose our way sometimes, just take time for you and im sure you will start to feel happy again soon. Hugs "

Thanks hun I appreciate the kind words xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Gosh OP that's a harsh year by any ones standards.

Sorry that you have gone through all of that hard stuff.

You are right to give yourself time to process it all and work it through.

I hope you've got some support in real life. The Samaritans are always there if you need to vent. You don't have to be suicidal to use their service, they can provide a listening ear when you need to talk or get things off your chest.

Hug of support to you.

"

Thanks I really appreciate it xx

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