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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm in a bitch of a mood. My really productive day got hit with a blow of utter crapness. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's had a shit day.

So please tell... Your most embarrassing stories, your best jokes (the filthier the better) , or if you like you can just give me the most witty insults you have so I can use them on a certain person.

Or whatever else you think will amuse. No pressure

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

A guy is sitting in the doctor's surgery. The doctor walks in and says, ‘I have some bad news; I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating.’

‘But I don't understand, doc,’ the patient says. ‘Why?’

‘Because,’ the doctor says. ‘I'm trying to examine you!’

(Groan!!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call a 3 legged donkey?"

Wonkey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

Wonkey "

I once told this to some foreign kids and one shout out 'a horse!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I almost got caught having a lady wank in work by a delivery guy. Luckily the door was locked !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I took my wife to the doctor's for tourettes.

Tops out she's fine. I am a cnut and she really does want me to fcuk off.

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By *ixedDevilMan
over a year ago

Bootyville


"I'm in a bitch of a mood. My really productive day got hit with a blow of utter crapness. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's had a shit day.

So please tell... Your most embarrassing stories, your best jokes (the filthier the better) , or if you like you can just give me the most witty insults you have so I can use them on a certain person.

Or whatever else you think will amuse. No pressure "

What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dating me is like pulling a Christmas cracker ... shit jokes but a decent bang

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By *rhugesMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Took my friend to A &E . He accidentally drank some invisible ink.

He's still waiting to be seem

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Took my friend to A &E . He accidentally drank some invisible ink.

He's still waiting to be seem"

OK that made me giggle a bit, I usually laugh at stupid stuff so you're winning so far.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm in a bitch of a mood. My really productive day got hit with a blow of utter crapness. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's had a shit day.

So please tell... Your most embarrassing stories, your best jokes (the filthier the better) , or if you like you can just give me the most witty insults you have so I can use them on a certain person.

Or whatever else you think will amuse. No pressure

What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates? "

Have no idea

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I went to the chiropodist the other day, walked up to reception and flopped me cock out on the desk.

She said ‘ that’s not a foot ‘

I said ‘ it’s not far off it sweetheart’.

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By *ixedDevilMan
over a year ago

Bootyville


"I'm in a bitch of a mood. My really productive day got hit with a blow of utter crapness. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's had a shit day.

So please tell... Your most embarrassing stories, your best jokes (the filthier the better) , or if you like you can just give me the most witty insults you have so I can use them on a certain person.

Or whatever else you think will amuse. No pressure

What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?

Have no idea "

A toothbrush

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'What do you call a man with no shins?...

Tony

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys bursts into his local pub with a 44 Magnum and shouts

"Right where's the cunt who's been fucking my wife?"

The barman says "You ain't got enough bullets mate"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?

"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?"

The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ?

Because he was dead !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the agnostic , dyslexic, insomniac?

He used to lay awake every night, wondering if there really was a dog !,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here is a Xmas joke hope you like

Santa gets to the first house and goes down the chimney a lady is say there with bra and panties on and said to Santa oh please would you stay the night he said Ho Ho Ho got to go and deliver more presents

Santa get to second house goes down chimney a lady is sat there with just panties and no bra and she said to Santa oh Santa please would you stay the night he said ho Ho Ho got to go and deliver more presents

Santa arrives at third house and goes down the chimney and a lady is completely naked and said to Santa oh Santa please would you stay the night and Santa said hey hey hey got to stay I can't get up the chimney with and Eric in the way

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