FabSwingers.com forum: joke thread

By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

i just been offered my dream job

70k a year at the brittle bone society

i snapped his hand off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call Edward Woodward without any D's?..

..e war woo war

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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago

The South

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A stick.

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By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

two jehovahs witnesses have just knocked on my door and asked me would i let jesus in

i said "he can but you two can fck off"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus walks into an hotel with four nails and asks "can you put me up for the night?"

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By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

hearing of a miracle cure for dyslexia

was music to my arse.

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By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

i got my sleeping tablets and my viagara mixed up

i ended up having 40 wanks

hat coat slams door

bbl

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By *ohnywrongunMan
over a year ago

Epping

Why did the toilet roll,roll down the hill....?

To get to the bottom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call Bears with no ears?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the Leper fail his driving test.

Because he left his foot on the clutch.

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By *rhugesMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Why did the leper loose at poker. Her threw his hand in

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By *ohnywrongunMan
over a year ago

Epping

What did the leper do when he heard this joke?

He laughed his head off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the thalidomide terrorist?

Got caught entering the country bearing small arms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When is it ok to beat up a dwarf?

When he’s standing next you girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Queen mum and Elton John & Freddie Mercury go to heaven and St Peter is at the gates and says oh we only have room for 1.

So you must tell me why you get a place in heaven

Freddie say I was the lead singer of Queen and sold millions of records.

Elton J says I also sold millions of records but I also sang at Lady Diana's furneral.

Hmm says Peter, just then the Queen mother pulls of a glass drops her knickers and pisses in the glass

Wow says Peter, go ahead Queen mum the spot in heavens yours.

Outraged Elton and Freddie ask why, well Peter says a royal flush beats a pair of queens and day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walks into a library and says do you have any books on Pavlov's Dog, or Schroedinger's Cat. The librarian says 'well maybe we do and maybe we don't, but the name rings a bell'

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By *uck-Me-Hard-Scotland-M2MMan
over a year ago

Gorbals

I went to the doctor for my company medical during which he cupped my balls in his hand

"I think it would be prudent for you to stop masturbating" he said

Shocked, I asked "how long for?????"

"Up to you", he replied, "just let me finish your examination first"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in the pub with a mate a while back and these rough girls starting mouthing off at us.

My friend said 'pretend we're the police, that'll get them to leave us alone.'

I only got halfway through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog

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By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

i got knocked off my bike yesterday by a lorry salting the roads

fck you i screamed through gritted teeth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two behaviourists have sex. One turns to the other and says, "that was good for you, how was it for me?".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do Marxists only ever drink horrible tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a trailer full of marbles and a trailer full of babies?

You can't unload marbles with a pitchfork...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between an egg and a wank

You can't beat a wink

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hate this spell correcting

wank

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By *he RizzlerMan
over a year ago

What language do Irish lesbians speak?

Gaelic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a male gay dinosaur?

Megasoreass

What do you call a female gay dinosaur?

Lickalotapuss

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By *ympho6969Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

Why does santa have such a big sack?

He only cums once a year

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By *ocknockerMan
over a year ago

rotherham

What’s black and shouts ahhhhh ?

Stevie wonder answering the iron

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can we do poor taste jokes?

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By *argaret James200TV/TS
over a year ago

Birmingham

Q: What do you call a leper in the bath.

A: Porridge.

Bad taste joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does Helen Keller (Google) masturbate?

2 hands,1 for playing 1 for moaning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A scientist today admitted that he paid a prostitute over a thousand pounds to take a special drug with some sparkling water in attempts to increase her IQ to over 80.

The experiment failed, however, it does prove: you can lead a whore to water but you can’t make her think!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is the diffarance between light bulb and a pregant woman you cant unscrew a pregant woman

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By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

as the coffin was being lowered at the traffic wardens funeral

a voice screamed knocking on the lid

"let me out im not dead"

the smiling vicar replied

"tough shit mate the paperwork has already been done"'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could tell you a science joke.

But all the good ones Argon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just spent the night in a Police cell!

Can someone explain Gender reveals to me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I could tell you a science joke.

But all the good ones Argon. "

I love a science joke, HeHeHe...

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By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

the woman next door has just asked me if i know anything about some missing clothes off her washing line

i nearly shit her pants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are Christmas trees terrible at knitting? They have too many needles

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By *elshyXOMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

I was walking through the jungle & I saw a monkey holding a banana & a tin opener. I said “you’ll never get it open with that” he replied “shut up you daft bastard. This is for the custard”

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By *elshyXOMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Two jump leads walk into a bar...

The barman says “alright, i’ll serve you, but I dont want you starting anything”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going to a solstice party this week at my in-laws.

It's going to be a long night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

grandad sitting down with grandson watching news

grandad" war, bad economy ,unemployment"

grandson" tell me something i don't know"

grandad" your grandma can take up the arse up to the elbow"

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By *ajorbeaver OP Man
over a year ago

blackpool

"Two jump leads walk into a bar...

The barman says “alright, i’ll serve you, but I dont want you starting anything”"
funny you should say that i was in a restaurant last night

some d*unken idiot must have taken exception to me and threw a prawn cocktail at my head

and said "and thats just for fuckin starters"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong.

“Well,” replies Paul, “you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?”

“Yes,” replies Jeff with a laugh.

“Well,” says Paul, straightening up, “I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.”

“That’s great!” says Jeff, “When are you going out?”

“I went to meet her this evening,” continues Paul, “but I was worried I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show.”

“Sensible” says Jeff.

“So I get to her door,” says Paul, “and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.”

“And what happened then?”

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

“I kicked her in the face.”

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