FabSwingers.com forum: Addiction

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was chatting to an old school friend of mine yesterday and our conversation has really got me thinking.

She has had a horrendous few years. Her niece passed away, followed by her sister in the same year, not two years later, she lost her mum to cancer and then found out her husband was having an affair.

Whilst trying to muddle through all that, she turned to drugs, party drugs at first but eventually she became a heroin addict.

She had her 3 children taken into care, her two daughters with her remaining sister and son with foster care.

Her entire world fell apart and she spiralled out of control.

At the end of last year, she went to rehab and is now clean. She's slowly rebuilding her life and fighting to get her kids back.

She's a good person, a loving mum and is doing so well and yet people still assume she's a "wrong'un" because she is an addict.

She gets a lot of grief and it makes me sad.

Sad that people are so quick to judge.

So many people struggle with addiction and it's something that never goes away once it's taken hold.

It's often something we try and hide and I think that's a shame.

If we were more open, I think more people would reach out for help and feel maybe a little less shame.

Is addiction something you've struggled with?

Or maybe someone close to you?

Just thought this might offer up an opportunity to chat about it...if anyone wants to...

If not, consider this one of my thoughtful rambles...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not personally but I know I can have an addictive personality to some things - gambling I know for me could well be a massive issue so I don’t not even a scratch card. My heart goes out to her and yes people are really quick to judge until they take a few steps in that person’s life. I wish her all the luck and hope 2021 brings her joy and happiness

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I guess I was back in the late 90s early 00s .

I guess if waking up on a Monday morning immediately thinking how I would smashed out my tree the following weekend counts then yes .

I lost a good job due to it and blamed everyone bar myself .

We live and learn

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not personally but I know I can have an addictive personality to some things - gambling I know for me could well be a massive issue so I don’t not even a scratch card. My heart goes out to her and yes people are really quick to judge until they take a few steps in that person’s life. I wish her all the luck and hope 2021 brings her joy and happiness "

It's good that you recognise it and follow that rule for yourself. And thank you, I think she's on the right path

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess I was back in the late 90s early 00s .

I guess if waking up on a Monday morning immediately thinking how I would smashed out my tree the following weekend counts then yes .

I lost a good job due to it and blamed everyone bar myself .

We live and learn

How times change eh slim?

I was much the same for several years.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Not personally, but... There, but for the grace of God, go I.

I can understand how someone gets there and gets trapped there, and I can see all the obstacles to escape.

I wish your friend strength.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I guess I was back in the late 90s early 00s .

I guess if waking up on a Monday morning immediately thinking how I would smashed out my tree the following weekend counts then yes .

I lost a good job due to it and blamed everyone bar myself .

We live and learn

How times change eh slim?

I was much the same for several years."

I get that, the strange thing is I have no regrets as I learned from it , and I admit, had some real good times

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess I was back in the late 90s early 00s .

I guess if waking up on a Monday morning immediately thinking how I would smashed out my tree the following weekend counts then yes .

I lost a good job due to it and blamed everyone bar myself .

We live and learn

How times change eh slim?

I was much the same for several years.

I get that, the strange thing is I have no regrets as I learned from it , and I admit, had some real good times

That's not a bad thing tho!

Best way to tackle life I reckon...to learn from shit I mean...not do a fuck tonne of substances

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I guess I was back in the late 90s early 00s .

I guess if waking up on a Monday morning immediately thinking how I would smashed out my tree the following weekend counts then yes .

I lost a good job due to it and blamed everyone bar myself .

We live and learn

How times change eh slim?

I was much the same for several years.

I get that, the strange thing is I have no regrets as I learned from it , and I admit, had some real good times

That's not a bad thing tho!

Best way to tackle life I reckon...to learn from shit I mean...not do a fuck tonne of substances

I did though , but I'm still here , older and wiser ( I think )

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess I was back in the late 90s early 00s .

I guess if waking up on a Monday morning immediately thinking how I would smashed out my tree the following weekend counts then yes .

I lost a good job due to it and blamed everyone bar myself .

We live and learn

How times change eh slim?

I was much the same for several years.

I get that, the strange thing is I have no regrets as I learned from it , and I admit, had some real good times

That's not a bad thing tho!

Best way to tackle life I reckon...to learn from shit I mean...not do a fuck tonne of substances

I did though , but I'm still here , older and wiser ( I think )

Definitely older

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I guess I was back in the late 90s early 00s .

I guess if waking up on a Monday morning immediately thinking how I would smashed out my tree the following weekend counts then yes .

I lost a good job due to it and blamed everyone bar myself .

We live and learn

How times change eh slim?

I was much the same for several years.

I get that, the strange thing is I have no regrets as I learned from it , and I admit, had some real good times

That's not a bad thing tho!

Best way to tackle life I reckon...to learn from shit I mean...not do a fuck tonne of substances

I did though , but I'm still here , older and wiser ( I think )

Definitely older

love you too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are right to judge.

I wouldn't trust her in my house.

I'd rather judge her and keep my possessions than not judge her and lose them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People are right to judge.

I wouldn't trust her in my house.

I'd rather judge her and keep my possessions than not judge her and lose them.

Says more about you than her imo.

Not all addicts are thiefs. Judgemental much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t judge people on their pasts, I wouldn’t be a very good custodial officer if I judged people on their pasts.

It’s why I get pissed off with people’s facebook posts when they try and make themselves out to be martyrs with all this covid shit and say comments about people being selfish and ignorant and blaming other people for lockdown situations.

Nobody knows everyone’s person circumstances. A guy who went and visited friends or family could have been the one thing that stopped him killing himself that day, someone who broke rules to go to a non essential shop to buy plants or paints or something to keep themselves busy could have been the thing that stopped them from having a drink or buying gear and relapsing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t judge people on their pasts, I wouldn’t be a very good custodial officer if I judged people on their pasts.

Annie....we agree!

I think you're absolutely right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People will always judge.

It doesn't take away the fact that children do not belong with an addict.

And they certainly do not belong in the social care system.

An addict doesn't just destroy their own life - they destroy the people around them that are the closest.

It's so sad.

I hope your friend stays on the right path OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am glad your friend is recovering and wish her all the best.

It's very easy for people to make quick judgements and assumptions about how a person ended up an addict to xyz.

It seems almost laughable that many will turn their noses at thinking of a heroin addict, but not giving two thoughts about a person who has become addicted to prescribed opiates and tranquilizers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People will always judge.

It doesn't take away the fact that children do not belong with an addict.

And they certainly do not belong in the social care system.

An addict doesn't just destroy their own life - they destroy the people around them that are the closest.

It's so sad.

I hope your friend stays on the right path OP."

I think you're right. And she knows she couldn't look after her kids properly at the time.

A recovering addict is a different story tho. Without drugs she's a fantastic mum and with her is the best place for her kids.

It's such a sad situation but I think she is going to overcome it for her and her kids.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

I have friends who are addicts they are trying come of it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am glad your friend is recovering and wish her all the best.

It's very easy for people to make quick judgements and assumptions about how a person ended up an addict to xyz.

It seems almost laughable that many will turn their noses at thinking of a heroin addict, but not giving two thoughts about a person who has become addicted to prescribed opiates and tranquilizers. "

Totally agree!

A prescription seems to justify it to some.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have friends who are addicts they are trying come of it"

Good luck to them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People are right to judge.

I wouldn't trust her in my house.

I'd rather judge her and keep my possessions than not judge her and lose them.

Says more about you than her imo.

Not all addicts are thiefs. Judgemental much? "

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I have friends who are addicts they are trying come of it

Good luck to them!"
.thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you google ‘Rachel Curtis heroin’ it will lead you to an article about a woman that was in Uni with my sister but has one hell of a black mark on her criminal record, BUT she is an amazing psychologist. She struggles in her career despite being qualified and having very very personal experience with drugs and rehabilitation as she’s done it first hand, in my eyes she is the best person to give counsel to anyone who struggles with substance misuse yet her criminal record holds her back severely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you google ‘Rachel Curtis heroin’ it will lead you to an article about a woman that was in Uni with my sister but has one hell of a black mark on her criminal record, BUT she is an amazing psychologist. She struggles in her career despite being qualified and having very very personal experience with drugs and rehabilitation as she’s done it first hand, in my eyes she is the best person to give counsel to anyone who struggles with substance misuse yet her criminal record holds her back severely.

It's so sad it hold such stigma.

So many people recover and go on to do amazing things and live good, productive lives.

It's sad so many will judge someone based on that one aspect of their past.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

This is something that has touched my family, so I don't judge.

Hug of support to anyone battling with or coming to terms with addiction today.

Hug of support to anyone who has lost someone to addiction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no experience personally but professionally, I see it day in and day out. Drug users committing crime. In many ways it is sad, their lives are effectively in turmoil, but you know what? Many of them don’t want help, they don’t want to get clean, they commit the most disgusting offences and they will lie. They spend a few weeks/months in prison, offered rehab programs and other means of help, yet when they come back out they reoffend and go straight back to the lifestyle they had before. Repeat, repeat repeat.

I commend anyone who gets themselves clean and turns their life around, but while they are using there is no sympathy from me.

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By *stroboy78Man
over a year ago

Abergavenny

I worked within substance misuse for 15 years. Its just horrific, a lot of the people I worked with were turned to addiction without even knowing or not by choice I.e I had a female client who was held down by her partner and his friends and injected with heroin, if she over dosed they knew it was good gear, by the time she managed to leave him she had a raging habit. Another client I had smoked and his dealer couldn't get and so sold her heroin for the same price and told him to use it exactly the same way, he tried it and hated it, went back to the dealer for a week and he kept saying thats all he had so he carried on. After a week the dealer said he had again but it was too late for my client by then.

Unless you know the background story you shouldn't judge. They are are 2 examples of 100's i could give.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is something that has touched my family, so I don't judge.

Hug of support to anyone battling with or coming to terms with addiction today.

Hug of support to anyone who has lost someone to addiction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, she certainly has the motivation to stay clean!

Courts are very reluctant to remove children, or even change their residency, so the only do it in exceptional circumstances.

Courts are not concerned on the impact on the parent. They are concerned on the impact on the child. The needs of the child take primacy. Actually, the needs of the parent don't even come into it. It's all about the child. The four basic questions asked are [1] Are they housed? [2] Are they fed? [3] Are they being educated? [4] Are they at risk?

While I have an addictive personality, I'm not and never have been addicted to any substances. I don't drink, and the risk of addiction plays a minor part in that decision. But, I was in a long-term relationship with a girlfriend who became an alcoholic. It destroyed our relationship, and less than 18 months later, cost her her life. The scars and trauma that caused still live with me, over twenty years later, and has impacted on my life in so many ways. It's caused me a lot of issues actually.

Addiction impacts on more than just the addict. Her children are fortunate that they have had an intervention to hopefully reduce that impact.

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By *stroboy78Man
over a year ago

Abergavenny

"I have no experience personally but professionally, I see it day in and day out. Drug users committing crime. In many ways it is sad, their lives are effectively in turmoil, but you know what? Many of them don’t want help, they don’t want to get clean, they commit the most disgusting offences and they will lie. They spend a few weeks/months in prison, offered rehab programs and other means of help, yet when they come back out they reoffend and go straight back to the lifestyle they had before. Repeat, repeat repeat.

I commend anyone who gets themselves clean and turns their life around, but while they are using there is no sympathy from me."

Without going into too much detail of previous occupations I agree to an extend. My golden rule was if their lips are moving they're lying hah. A lot don't want help because change is scary and its what they now know as normal, its their escapism.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I commend anyone who gets themselves clean and turns their life around, but while they are using there is no sympathy from me."

Some addicts are like that. But not all.

I know for me, I never broke the law to get my drug of choice (the doctor or friends would hand them over freely). I never hurt anyone but myself when I was using.

There isn't a one size fits all.

I have sympathy for anyone battling any kind of mental illness or addiction...to a degree. Fighting a battle in your own mind is terrifying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I commend anyone who gets themselves clean and turns their life around, but while they are using there is no sympathy from me.

Yes I agree with that, but there is only so much you can do to help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Addiction is kind of a sore subject for me. My 'father' has been absent my entire life because he was addicted to, and dealing drugs. Even after stints in prison he hasn't changed at all.

I used to want him in my life, he wrote to me from prison when I was a kid and promised me we'd have a normal relationship and I really believed it. When I was a young teenager he got out and totally ignored me, choosing the drugs again.

The same has happened several times over and a few years ago I told him that I'd never come looking for him again. I was sick of always chasing him and seeking his approval when he's never cared about me.

All I've been left with as a result are a multitude of phychiatric issues and years of therapy.

So yeah, I take a pretty dim view of addiction.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Addiction is kind of a sore subject for me. My 'father' has been absent my entire life because he was addicted to, and dealing drugs. Even after stints in prison he hasn't changed at all.

All I've been left with as a result are a multitude of phychiatric issues and years of therapy.

So yeah, I take a pretty dim view of addiction. "

I'm sorry you've had to go through that.

I hope you're able to heal those wounds somehow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People are right to judge.

I wouldn't trust her in my house.

I'd rather judge her and keep my possessions than not judge her and lose them.

I allowed a drug addict to live in my home for a few months

I tried my best to get him on the straight and narrow, re-introduced him to his family and got his ex-Mrs to allow him access to his young son

At times I felt like I was dragging him along, which was tiring, but he made a lot of progress in those months

We are no longer friends, but when he left my home, he had somewhere safe to go and things to look forward to as opposed to a life on the streets

In all that time, he never stole from me once and I never felt unsafe or threatened

That said, at that time, I didn't have much to lose either

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People are right to judge.

I wouldn't trust her in my house.

I'd rather judge her and keep my possessions than not judge her and lose them.

I allowed a drug addict to live in my home for a few months

I tried my best to get him on the straight and narrow, re-introduced him to his family and got his ex-Mrs to allow him access to his young son

At times I felt like I was dragging him along, which was tiring, but he made a lot of progress in those months

We are no longer friends, but when he left my home, he had somewhere safe to go and things to look forward to as opposed to a life on the streets

In all that time, he never stole from me once and I never felt unsafe or threatened

That said, at that time, I didn't have much to lose either"

You did a good thing for your friend!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for her, hope she gets them back, society is very slow in removing "labels" from people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Besides cigarettes, no. I don’t have an overly addictive personality.

However I am a very big believer in redemption. If someone wants to turn their life around and goes for it, I believe that they should be given the support and benefit of the doubt. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Besides cigarettes, no. I don’t have an overly addictive personality.

However I am a very big believer in redemption. If someone wants to turn their life around and goes for it, I believe that they should be given the support and benefit of the doubt. X"

Do you think that should extend to all areas? Like should someone give them the benefit of the doubt when deciding whether or not to enter into a relationship with a reformed or recovering addict?

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I don't smoke, drink or abuse drugs (I take enough prescription drugs to keep my chemist running!)

A lot of this comes back to issues in my childhood. When the one person who should have loved and cared for me unconditionally chose alcohol instead, it scarred me emotionally.

For this reason, I have zero tolerance/sympathy for addicts. The fallout from their actions can be catastrophic.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't smoke, drink or abuse drugs (I take enough prescription drugs to keep my chemist running!)

A lot of this comes back to issues in my childhood. When the one person who should have loved and cared for me unconditionally chose alcohol instead, it scarred me emotionally.

For this reason, I have zero tolerance/sympathy for addicts. The fallout from their actions can be catastrophic. "

I understand why you'd reach that conclusion. And I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I think it's sad tho. Addicts aren't all bad people.

And speaking from personal experience...if people weren't so quick to judge and had a little more sympathy I'd have admitted and sought help for my problem much sooner.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I don't smoke, drink or abuse drugs (I take enough prescription drugs to keep my chemist running!)

A lot of this comes back to issues in my childhood. When the one person who should have loved and cared for me unconditionally chose alcohol instead, it scarred me emotionally.

For this reason, I have zero tolerance/sympathy for addicts. The fallout from their actions can be catastrophic.

I understand why you'd reach that conclusion. And I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I think it's sad tho. Addicts aren't all bad people.

And speaking from personal experience...if people weren't so quick to judge and had a little more sympathy I'd have admitted and sought help for my problem much sooner. "

Genuinely sorry for your experience. And I truly hope it is well & truly in the past

My lack of sympathy with certain issues is NOT my most endearing trait, but i still get triggered.

Much love xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Addicts aren't all bad people."

I agree, they are not all bad people. My late girlfriend was a fantastic individual. Thoughtful, kind, caring, intelligent, an incredibly talented artist, and to top it all, was absolutely stunning. But alcohol transformed her into something less so.

The issue with an addict, or recovering addict, is down to trust. Can you be sure they will remain clean? How much trust have you got? How much risk are you prepared to take? What's at stake?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't smoke, drink or abuse drugs (I take enough prescription drugs to keep my chemist running!)

A lot of this comes back to issues in my childhood. When the one person who should have loved and cared for me unconditionally chose alcohol instead, it scarred me emotionally.

For this reason, I have zero tolerance/sympathy for addicts. The fallout from their actions can be catastrophic.

I understand why you'd reach that conclusion. And I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I think it's sad tho. Addicts aren't all bad people.

And speaking from personal experience...if people weren't so quick to judge and had a little more sympathy I'd have admitted and sought help for my problem much sooner.

Genuinely sorry for your experience. And I truly hope it is well & truly in the past

My lack of sympathy with certain issues is NOT my most endearing trait, but i still get triggered.

Much love xx

See...that response shows you do have some sympathy for some addicts!

I am recovered now thankfully, have been for a long time. And I no longer find it a daily struggle. Some days it is but I deal with it

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Addicts aren't all bad people.

The issue with an addict, or recovering addict, is down to trust. Can you be sure they will remain clean? How much trust have you got? How much risk are you prepared to take? What's at stake?"

Couldn't you say the same of someone who once cheated? Or stolen something? Or lied once?

We all make mistakes. We all have made bad choices and done silly things.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Addicts aren't all bad people.

The issue with an addict, or recovering addict, is down to trust. Can you be sure they will remain clean? How much trust have you got? How much risk are you prepared to take? What's at stake?"

I can definitely understand personal boundaries. I so totally get it. For me the issue is society then washing their hands entirely. Because that'll help people get better and become contributing members of society again...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Besides cigarettes, no. I don’t have an overly addictive personality.

However I am a very big believer in redemption. If someone wants to turn their life around and goes for it, I believe that they should be given the support and benefit of the doubt. X

Do you think that should extend to all areas? Like should someone give them the benefit of the doubt when deciding whether or not to enter into a relationship with a reformed or recovering addict?"

That’s an interesting point. I guess it depends on the level of affection and love between those two people.

That’s a case by case basis and I wouldn’t want to assume. However I wouldn’t automatically reject a reformed/recovered addict simply because of that. But that’s just my personal feelings on it, and not how everyone would feel.

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By *ammyDodgaMan
over a year ago

Nottingham/and everywhere my location says i am ;)

Unfortunately the consensus of the word “addict” brings way too many scary images generated by shit films for the masses to even understand the concept.

I bet if you threw at them, the person was drug dependant not addict they’d give you a puzzled look.

Like with all things, no one situation is the same.. Having overcome demons and 20 years “clean” I can say with hand on heart. I know my poison, only difference is I know it will kill me if I pick it up again. Those who drink in ivory towers of denial are forgetting they are legally and slowly doing exactly the same.... Opps that’s me with the judgments... And it’s that easy.

Good luck to your friend, it won’t be an easy road but it’s one worth fighting for.. Fuck the nay-sayers and judgmental pricks. Concentrate on what matters most and those who stand by you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couldn't you say the same of someone who once cheated? Or stolen something? Or lied once?

We all make mistakes. We all have made bad choices and done silly things."

Of course you could. I was just considering the thought process around it. Personally, I’d never say never, although the time line would be significant. For example, “I’ve not used in 20 years and transformed my life” against “I’ve not used in three months and I’m really trying hard not to relapse.”

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Couldn't you say the same of someone who once cheated? Or stolen something? Or lied once?

We all make mistakes. We all have made bad choices and done silly things.

I'd have varying boundaries depending on that sort of thing myself. I might have a coffee and a chat with the latter, sort of thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me the issue is society then washing their hands entirely. Because that'll help people get better and become contributing members of society again..."

Let’s consider nicotine and alcohol. Both highly addictive and both damaging to health. But both legal, readily available, socially acceptable (okay, smoking is changing) and a source of revenue for industry and governments.

I’m addicted to smoking generates less judgment than I’m addicted to alcohol, which in turn is less judgmental than saying I’ve a cocaine or heroin habit.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"For me the issue is society then washing their hands entirely. Because that'll help people get better and become contributing members of society again...

I’m addicted to smoking generates less judgment than I’m addicted to alcohol, which in turn is less judgmental than saying I’ve a cocaine or heroin habit."

Sure. But at what point do we show compassion and offer support (this doesn't mean bulldozing personal or institutional boundaries)?

I feel compassion for active heroin addicts. I can't even fathom how they got into that, probably deep personal pain. I can't fathom the monumental task of escaping that. (Doesn't mean I'll trust them - I might write to my MP about addiction support or give money to related charities)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel compassion for active heroin addicts. I can't even fathom how they got into that, probably deep personal pain. I can't fathom the monumental task of escaping that. (Doesn't mean I'll trust them - I might write to my MP about addiction support or give money to related charities)"

How society reacts to a problem often stems from the empathy and sympathy society has with the issue, the victims, and the causes.

As drug use is illegal, it scores low on people's priorities for funding rehabilitation. It should score higher, but there will always be the attitude of "you made your bed, lie in it". Like prison reform. Who want's to spend money improving the lot of a prisoner, when hard working people are having to use food banks?

Like it or not, some of the successful things that can drive behaviour changes is cost by taxation, and convenience. So, consider smoking for example. Introduce significantly higher taxation on tobacco products, ban rolling tobacco, and require ID to always be shown at point of purchase. Only allow cigarettes to be sold in packs of five, and only purchased one packet at a time (like how paracetamol is restricted). So if you drive up the cost, and reduce the convenience, then people will start to change their behaviours.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I don't smoke, drink or abuse drugs (I take enough prescription drugs to keep my chemist running!)

A lot of this comes back to issues in my childhood. When the one person who should have loved and cared for me unconditionally chose alcohol instead, it scarred me emotionally.

For this reason, I have zero tolerance/sympathy for addicts. The fallout from their actions can be catastrophic.

I understand why you'd reach that conclusion. And I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I think it's sad tho. Addicts aren't all bad people.

And speaking from personal experience...if people weren't so quick to judge and had a little more sympathy I'd have admitted and sought help for my problem much sooner.

Genuinely sorry for your experience. And I truly hope it is well & truly in the past

My lack of sympathy with certain issues is NOT my most endearing trait, but i still get triggered.

Much love xx

See...that response shows you do have some sympathy for some addicts!

I am recovered now thankfully, have been for a long time. And I no longer find it a daily struggle. Some days it is but I deal with it

Thank you

Hugs &

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

How society reacts to a problem often stems from the empathy and sympathy society has with the issue, the victims, and the causes.

I know. I suppose I'm saying, this is how I feel. Sure they're in the wrong, but how did they get there. Yes, open boundaries would be unwise in this situation, but it doesn't preclude compassion or support.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are horrid at times

I was reading an article recently about a local landlady who has taken to feeding the homeless and the poor during this pandemic

She stated that a guy had approached and asked what her and her team was doing

She explained

His first question after the explanation:

Do you feed druggies?

His second question:

Do you feed refugees

He offered to donate food as long as she guaranteed not to give his food to druggies and refugees

I mean, it is one thing to turn a blind eye to what's going on out there but it's on another level to deny people food because their situation is distasteful to you

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By *ohnny2006Man
over a year ago

worcester

The problem is that nobody ever truly recovers from Heroin addiction. They might abstain and get themselves together but they will ALWAYS have the desire to go back.

So it's not a judging thing in a nasty way it's just you can never trust a heroin addict regardless if they have stopped taking it or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sure they're in the wrong, but how did they get there."

As a society we need to be prepared to do more to help people avoiding those choices. That come from having more support out there for people in times of crisis, and making those bad choices less readily available.

Right now, under a decade of Tory fuckology, it's never been more difficult for people to get free mental health support. Even the NHS has been struggling for a decade, and don't begin to mention the police and criminal justice system.

The friend of the OP clearly has had a horrid time. Where was the help she needed to help avoid the choices she made? It's not there... she's a victim.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Sure they're in the wrong, but how did they get there.

The friend of the OP clearly has had a horrid time. Where was the help she needed to help avoid the choices she made? It's not there... she's a victim."

Yes. Yes, absolutely yes.

I'd so rather prevent it. But once they get there... How do we get them out?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sure they're in the wrong, but how did they get there.

The friend of the OP clearly has had a horrid time. Where was the help she needed to help avoid the choices she made? It's not there... she's a victim."

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve friends who are alcoholics or have gambling addictions. Nearly all hit the bottom and have made the road to recovery; but will always call themselves addicts. I have one friend who isn’t ready to get help, so we try to help him as best we can until he is ready to stop amd make the long road to recovery

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

My sister was an alcoholic, we tried rehab, counselling etc, but she didn't want the help.

She sadly passed away 10 years ago, addiction is a horrible thing to watch /go through, for both the person and their loved ones.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My sister was an alcoholic, we tried rehab, counselling etc, but she didn't want the help.

She sadly passed away 10 years ago, addiction is a horrible thing to watch /go through, for both the person and their loved ones. "

I'm so sorry for your loss

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"My sister was an alcoholic, we tried rehab, counselling etc, but she didn't want the help.

She sadly passed away 10 years ago, addiction is a horrible thing to watch /go through, for both the person and their loved ones.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Thank you lovely x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"My sister was an alcoholic, we tried rehab, counselling etc, but she didn't want the help.

She sadly passed away 10 years ago, addiction is a horrible thing to watch /go through, for both the person and their loved ones. "

I'm so sorry x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, how do you think your friend would feel about being viewed as a 'victim'?

Do you think that would be helpful in her moving past the things that happened as a result of her addiction?

Or do you think she'd be more content to focus on practicalities to enable her to try and lead a more fulfilling and contented life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... but she didn't want the help. "

I feel your pain, as I have the very same T-shirt. Unfortunately, if any addict of any sort does not want the help, does not want to quit, third party intervention won't be successful.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"... but she didn't want the help.

I feel your pain, as I have the very same T-shirt. Unfortunately, if any addict of any sort does not want the help, does not want to quit, third party intervention won't be successful."

Same for many issues.

For my depression, people made it clear that they'd be there when I was able to accept help. They were lifelines.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"My sister was an alcoholic, we tried rehab, counselling etc, but she didn't want the help.

She sadly passed away 10 years ago, addiction is a horrible thing to watch /go through, for both the person and their loved ones.

I'm so sorry x"

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think more people are addicts than we know... I went from overdosing on prescribed codeine to morphine after loosing my mum and then the love of my life, not long afterwards... Nobody knew a thing about it until I was off of it

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think more people are addicts than we know... I went from overdosing on prescribed codeine to morphine after loosing my mum and then the love of my life, not long afterwards... Nobody knew a thing about it until I was off of it"

Much love.

And yes, I think dependency is bigger than people know about. It's not just those bad people - it's all sorts of people trying to get through God only knows what.

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

I am a very occasionally social drinker and have never used drugs and tried cigarettes for a month at 13-14 so I can’t say I really understand these addictions from a personal point of view.However I do like a bet on football , horses , and various other sports. I enjoy a game of poker and I have played pool for 4 figure sums. I believe I am in control of my situation as I have no debts and I have never asked family or friends to lend me £20 until the end of the month.However my immediate family do not know of my poker and pool addictions which are very occasional.Am I a addict or am I in denial.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Oh shit I never knew that, sorry to hear that

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By *eedeeseTV/TS
over a year ago

glasgow

I had a heroin habit for about 15 years ...been clean 10 year last month ...a lotta people talk about heroin addiction but its a bit like chocolate/sex etc ...addicts can describe it to you but until yv tasted it/had it,... yr guessing/estimating basically x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I had a heroin habit for about 15 years ...been clean 10 year last month ...a lotta people talk about heroin addiction but its a bit like chocolate/sex etc ...addicts can describe it to you but until yv tasted it/had it,... yr guessing/estimating basically x "

Many congratulations. My hat is off to you. (And you're right, I don't know what it's like)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I have experience with drug addiction.

I wish your friend and anyone else recovering all the best in the world

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By *eedeeseTV/TS
over a year ago

glasgow

Many congratulations. My hat is off to you. (And you're right, I don't know what it's like)"

thanxx part of the appeal of heroin is its exclusivity as Keith Richards correclty states " its a different world" with its own codes/mannerisms/affectations etc ..x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a bad gambling addiction which nearly ruined my life but have been clean for nearly a year now and lift is so much better and I feel so much better about myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Back in 2012 I had a horrible motorcycle accident put me in hospital for weeks

When I got out I had oral morphine to take them they changed it to tramadol I was stuck in them till 2016 and when they doc tried to reduce them I had a mental breakdown due to the addiction to the pain killers took months to get my self off them guess I never really got over the addiction I have always kept a box as a reminder of the person I once was x

Addiction is unfortunately one of our biggest downfalls all people get addicted to one thing or another unfortunately for some people it’s hardcore drugs x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Back in 2012 I had a horrible motorcycle accident put me in hospital for weeks

Addiction is unfortunately one of our biggest downfalls all people get addicted to one thing or another unfortunately for some people it’s hardcore drugs x"

I had a brief, medically supervised brush with codeine after glandular fever left me with a pain disorder and practically immobile.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Many congratulations. My hat is off to you. (And you're right, I don't know what it's like)

thanxx part of the appeal of heroin is its exclusivity as Keith Richards correclty states " its a different world" with its own codes/mannerisms/affectations etc ..x "

We shared a house with a heroin addict in Sydney when train spotting came out. He insisted we go and watch it with him to understand why. He was a nice guy bout always stealing from us and he got us addicted to tranquillisers and opium for about 3 months, every day we’d oversleep and wake up around 4/5pm and say we must get out of here tomorrow but he’s give up more opium and rib us in the night , we literally couldn’t leave it was so addictive

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By *eedeeseTV/TS
over a year ago

glasgow

Many congratulations. My hat is off to you. (And you're right, I don't know what it's like)

thanxx part of the appeal of heroin is its exclusivity as Keith Richards correclty states " its a different world" with its own codes/mannerisms/affectations etc ..x

stopping taking heroin was one thing but getting out of the habit of lying n stealing ( esp books n magazines!) was probably just as important tbhonest (!) ..lying becomes a default position in that life x

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By *ohnny2006Man
over a year ago

worcester

"Sure they're in the wrong, but how did they get there.

The friend of the OP clearly has had a horrid time. Where was the help she needed to help avoid the choices she made? It's not there... she's a victim."

Tory fuckology is very easy to say isn't it? Why is washing your hands of it and blaming the government your default position? Why don't you do something to help drug addicts if you're so bothered about it? Maybe start a charity?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tory fuckology is very easy to say isn't it? Why is washing your hands of it and blaming the government your default position? Why don't you do something to help drug addicts if you're so bothered about it? Maybe start a charity?"

Easy to say, but not easy to live with. Tory fuckology has left hundreds of thousands of people so badly off to the point of near destitution. They have run down public services to the point of near collapse. Every public service. Try get mental health support rapidly in this country? You won't. Want it for a child or adolescent? Even longer wait. And all these people needing support they can't get leads to wrong choices and greater problems.

Start a charity you say? How very fucking Tory. Meanwhile charities are collapsing as the limited funding some receives is cut back further. Victims of sexual abuse and assault for example. Start a charity, like "Help for Heros". That's a charity required as the government broke it's covenant to service men and women.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, how do you think your friend would feel about being viewed as a 'victim'?

Do you think that would be helpful in her moving past the things that happened as a result of her addiction?

Or do you think she'd be more content to focus on practicalities to enable her to try and lead a more fulfilling and contented life "

I'd like to think that she knows that there's no shame in being a victim firstly.

I know she doesn't see herself that way. She's a survivor.

I think knowing more people have empathy for her and a little less prejudice would help her in moving forward and being able to focus on those practicalities.

I hope she continues to grow and focus the way she is regardless of the people trying to knock her down.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Charities are having funding cut by the Tories too.

There's great need, the government don't want to help, the government are making it worse, and we can't blame the government. Bootstraps!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yup! No one knew I was an addict until I wasn't using anymore.

I'm sorry for your losses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, how do you think your friend would feel about being viewed as a 'victim'?

Do you think that would be helpful in her moving past the things that happened as a result of her addiction?

Or do you think she'd be more content to focus on practicalities to enable her to try and lead a more fulfilling and contented life

I'd like to think that she knows that there's no shame in being a victim firstly.

I know she doesn't see herself that way. She's a survivor.

I think knowing more people have empathy for her and a little less prejudice would help her in moving forward and being able to focus on those practicalities.

I hope she continues to grow and focus the way she is regardless of the people trying to knock her down.

Is it important to her that people know her story?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Huge congratulations on 10 years sober!

No one truly knows unless they've lived it.

Takes a lot of strength to battle with your own mind every day and you're winning

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had a bad gambling addiction which nearly ruined my life but have been clean for nearly a year now and lift is so much better and I feel so much better about myself "

Congrats!

First year of the rest of your life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Close family member has. I'll probably be judged for this but their bridges are well and truly burned with me. No going back to how things were as I will never, ever trust them.

I have every sympathy for complete strangers who struggle with addiction though. When it's closer to home it's more difficult to let things go.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, how do you think your friend would feel about being viewed as a 'victim'?

Do you think that would be helpful in her moving past the things that happened as a result of her addiction?

Or do you think she'd be more content to focus on practicalities to enable her to try and lead a more fulfilling and contented life

I'd like to think that she knows that there's no shame in being a victim firstly.

I know she doesn't see herself that way. She's a survivor.

I think knowing more people have empathy for her and a little less prejudice would help her in moving forward and being able to focus on those practicalities.

I hope she continues to grow and focus the way she is regardless of the people trying to knock her down.

Is it important to her that people know her story?"

Yes. She's very open about it on her social media. She wants people to understand that she didn't just wake up one day and decide to be an addict, and that she's not a bad person.

She wants a chance to prove herself. She wants her life back.

She, like I, believes that a little understanding goes a long way. And that a lot of judgement comes from ignorance.

I did tell her I was going to write this post and she was quite happy for me to do so. (To be clear, she's not on fab, never has been).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Close family member has. I'll probably be judged for this but their bridges are well and truly burned with me. No going back to how things were as I will never, ever trust them.

I have every sympathy for complete strangers who struggle with addiction though. When it's closer to home it's more difficult to let things go."

No judgement from me.

I think that's totally understandable.

And you presumably you'd know who that person is with or without drugs, you know the situation, the circumstance. That's part of your life. And you've every right to decide to not allow them to be a part of it anymore.

I have ex-friends who are addicts. They will probably never change. I choose to leave them in my past because of who they are and what they've done, not because they're addicts.

Life isn't black and white is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Life isn't black and white is it? "

There are shadows in life...

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Close family member has. I'll probably be judged for this but their bridges are well and truly burned with me. No going back to how things were as I will never, ever trust them.

I have every sympathy for complete strangers who struggle with addiction though. When it's closer to home it's more difficult to let things go.

No judgement from me.

I think that's totally understandable.

I have ex-friends who are addicts. They will probably never change. I choose to leave them in my past because of who they are and what they've done, not because they're addicts.

Life isn't black and white is it? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Close family member has. I'll probably be judged for this but their bridges are well and truly burned with me. No going back to how things were as I will never, ever trust them.

I have every sympathy for complete strangers who struggle with addiction though. When it's closer to home it's more difficult to let things go.

No judgement from me.

I think that's totally understandable.

I have ex-friends who are addicts. They will probably never change. I choose to leave them in my past because of who they are and what they've done, not because they're addicts.

Life isn't black and white is it? "

No...would be so much simpler if it was.

I also recognise that this person's recovery (if they ever get to that point) will be much easier if they don't have someone waiting in the wings judging them. They're never going to get a fair crack of the whip from me so it's best for all involved if we have as little contact as possible.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Close family member has. I'll probably be judged for this but their bridges are well and truly burned with me. No going back to how things were as I will never, ever trust them.

I have every sympathy for complete strangers who struggle with addiction though. When it's closer to home it's more difficult to let things go.

No judgement from me.

I think that's totally understandable.

I have ex-friends who are addicts. They will probably never change. I choose to leave them in my past because of who they are and what they've done, not because they're addicts.

Life isn't black and white is it?

No...would be so much simpler if it was.

I think it's great you can recognise that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's being judgmental to have concerns that a drug user may steal from you. They have an addiction that takes over their thought processes. If they have no money to buy drugs and no access to gainful employment, it's either steal the drugs or steal the money. It's common sense, I wouldn't invite a paedophile to babysit my kids or a rapist to massage my wife. It's also why I hide the sweet tin when my sister is on a diet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People are right to judge.

I wouldn't trust her in my house.

I'd rather judge her and keep my possessions than not judge her and lose them.

Says more about you than her imo.

Not all addicts are thiefs. Judgemental much? "

Very.

We all judge.you may know them better as your instincts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People are right to judge.

I wouldn't trust her in my house.

I'd rather judge her and keep my possessions than not judge her and lose them.

Says more about you than her imo.

Not all addicts are thiefs. Judgemental much?

Very.

We all judge.you may know them better as your instincts."

Instincts and judgements are different things entirely.

But you do you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Much love.

And yes, I think dependency is bigger than people know about. It's not just those bad people - it's all sorts of people trying to get through God only knows what."

Thank you! If I had not gotten sciatica I would probably never he gone down the route I did... Prescribed painkillers are where alot of people fall, I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh shit I never knew that, sorry to hear that

It's ok hun... Shit happens and I am fine now... Not even my doctor knew I was an addict tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True words

My ex is an alcoholic, and it’s destroyed our family. I’m now manic carer for my children and she never sees them - the children were heartbroken for much of last year, but we’ve all moved on.

The challenge has been whether I should try and keep the “memory” of their mother alive whilst simultaneously dealing with the fact that she constantly let them down and just doesn’t feature in their life any longer.

It’s truly devastating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think it's being judgmental to have concerns that a drug user may steal from you. They have an addiction that takes over their thought processes. If they have no money to buy drugs and no access to gainful employment, it's either steal the drugs or steal the money. It's common sense, I wouldn't invite a paedophile to babysit my kids or a rapist to massage my wife. It's also why I hide the sweet tin when my sister is on a diet. "

I never stole to feed my addiction... Ever... Addiction isn't always how it's portrayed. Hence nobody knowing most people that are addicts, are.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I never stole to feed my addiction... Ever... Addiction isn't always how it's portrayed. Hence nobody knowing most people that are addicts, are. "

Ditto. Well said

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