FabSwingers.com forum: Emotional Intelligence

By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Is this something you possess to a lesser or a greater extent? Are you able to recognise your own emotions and the reasons behind them? Can you recognise those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately? Are you able to manage your emotions and use that information to guide thinking and behaviour?

Over to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I think so.

Sometimes with me it takes a bit of digging as to the why.

There are people on here I've been able to dissect without having met them, based on how they write, words they use and certain values and triggers etc.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes thank you. I can't always understand why certain things evoke particular emotions in other people though.

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By *ohnywrongunMan
over a year ago

Epping

I always try to be aware

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Yes I’m quite self aware and know myself. I know what triggers me too.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yes thank you. I can't always understand why certain things evoke particular emotions in other people though. "

Which is why I ask so many questions

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

The managing my own thing, that's where I struggle.

Should they be managed? Should they be allowed to ride out and come to a natural end instead of trying to hide or bury them?

That's where I'm at now. Learning what's healthiest for me.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Yes thank you. I can't always understand why certain things evoke particular emotions in other people though.

Which is why I ask so many questions"

Signed Mrs N. Parker

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'm a classic overthinker and tend to analyse my own emotions a lot - usually resulting in me getting some clarity of thought but it often takes me time to process those thoughts until I get them straight in my head.

I'm actually better at recognising the behaviours of others and seeing them for what they are fairly easily - where it can sometimes get blurred is where it impacts me, but again given the time and space, and appropriate head wobbles I can usually sort them out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got better at this with age. I try not to react to certain folk, even when I realise what they're playing at but sometimes I still bite.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yes thank you. I can't always understand why certain things evoke particular emotions in other people though.

Which is why I ask so many questions

Signed Mrs N. Parker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The managing my own thing, that's where I struggle.

Should they be managed? Should they be allowed to ride out and come to a natural end instead of trying to hide or bury them?

That's where I'm at now. Learning what's healthiest for me."

It's always easier to recognise Other people's issues rather than your own. I think I'm self aware, just selective about what I choose to address..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm fascinated by emotions. Especially tracing the history of them. Tiffany Watt Smith does some good talks on it, you might find it interesting...or super boring if you're less geeky than me

https://youtu.be/eGVIQbMUzUQ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a hard time controlling my emotions, I know why but don't seem to be able to not react badly.

My reactions are quick and fiery and then I spend a long time after apologising...

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I recognise my own emotions and why I’m feeling how I am, I know when to seal myself away from people so they don’t experience my wrath for no reason. I’m also quite good at recognising those around me, especially those I’m close to but also those I’m not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have problems with my emotions and in trusting any mans now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Recognising them? Definitely. Managing them?

A work in progress.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'd like to think I'm good at recognising the emotions of others, I think to varying degrees we all would like to think we are.

The truth is that I'm not particularly great at recognising emotions of others unless they are really explicit/spelled out to me. I think in part that's the joys of being atypical but also knowing that my own biases, my own hopes/negative emotions might be projected on to the other and not really an accurate reading of their state of mind but a hint of mine own.

I think my own emotions I'm fairly aware of, yes. I know when they are irrational or daft or brought on by the period curse and so I wait for them to pass. Sometimes my emotions catch me by surprise and I have to process them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to think I'm good at recognising the emotions of others, I think to varying degrees we all would like to think we are.

I tend to not have to many mood swings now i finished the menopause thankfully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good question.

Greater I think.

Yes.

Not sure about the last one. I’d like to think so but probably not

What do you think op? You know me better than anyone?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Good question.

Greater I think.

Yes.

Not sure about the last one. I’d like to think so but probably not

What do you think op? You know me better than anyone? "

Bloody hell Nora you could at least have reply and quoted so we could match your answers to the questions without having to scroll back and forth

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By *blasiansCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Work in progress, better than it was but requires better understanding of core fundamental of what makes folks tick and that is worse when all are unique.

nowt as queer as folk as they say here in Sunny Yorkshire.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good question.

Greater I think.

Yes.

Not sure about the last one. I’d like to think so but probably not

What do you think op? You know me better than anyone?

Bloody hell Nora you could at least have reply and quoted so we could match your answers to the questions without having to scroll back and forth

Hahaha. Sorry. Actually you know me quite well too.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Yes"

We have a winner

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I think so.

Sometimes with me it takes a bit of digging as to the why.

There are people on here I've been able to dissect without having met them, based on how they write, words they use and certain values and triggers etc.

You can be very perceptive i've noticed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good question.

Greater I think.

Yes.

Not sure about the last one. I’d like to think so but probably not

What do you think op? You know me better than anyone?

Bloody hell Nora you could at least have reply and quoted so we could match your answers to the questions without having to scroll back and forth

I think that tells you everything you need to know about Nora....

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Yes thank you. I can't always understand why certain things evoke particular emotions in other people though.

Which is why I ask so many questions"

Sign of an active mind

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Good question.

Greater I think.

Yes.

Not sure about the last one. I’d like to think so but probably not

What do you think op? You know me better than anyone?

Bloody hell Nora you could at least have reply and quoted so we could match your answers to the questions without having to scroll back and forth

I think that tells you everything you need to know about Nora....

Nah that just tells you she's ditzy as anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good question.

Greater I think.

Yes.

Not sure about the last one. I’d like to think so but probably not

What do you think op? You know me better than anyone?

Bloody hell Nora you could at least have reply and quoted so we could match your answers to the questions without having to scroll back and forth

I think that tells you everything you need to know about Nora....

Nah that just tells you she's ditzy as anything

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I'm a classic overthinker and tend to analyse my own emotions a lot - usually resulting in me getting some clarity of thought but it often takes me time to process those thoughts until I get them straight in my head.

I think it's very common for people to more easily recognise behaviours and responses in others to the detriment of some "self awareness".

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By *elethWoman
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

I like to think so

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By *ang bang bangity bangCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

After approximately 15 years in management and then leadership roles this is a topic that really interests me. From doing various workshops, courses and just general discussions it has always surprised me how many people assume they have emotional intelligence but don't.

Then there is the people who assume they don't have it but are actually very strong in that department.

Oddly its an area I always look on with interest in females in leadership roles. There is this notion that women must automatic have excellent EQ capabilities. In some cases this is patiently not the case and some females are terrible at it but assume they are good. But then it cuts the other way where women are expected to be the EQ driven, touchy feely type leaders.

I could happily ramble on about this subject for ages and have written whole assignments on the topic

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I have a hard time controlling my emotions, I know why but don't seem to be able to not react badly.

My reactions are quick and fiery and then I spend a long time after apologising...

Sounds like a bad perpetuating cycle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooh interesting question. I (Mrs) am very aware of emotion in others and can ‘read the room’ well and am able to behave appropriately in response. I would say it’s taken me a lot longer to really work out my own emotions - but one of the best things about getting older is that you get lots of time to sort out exactly who you are - think I’m pretty much there now! Phew!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a hard time controlling my emotions, I know why but don't seem to be able to not react badly.

My reactions are quick and fiery and then I spend a long time after apologising...

Sounds like a bad perpetuating cycle."

It is...I have a shit temper and a constant guilt feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to think so

Deep...

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I recognise my own emotions and why I’m feeling how I am, I know when to seal myself away from people so they don’t experience my wrath for no reason. I’m also quite good at recognising those around me, especially those I’m close to but also those I’m not. "

Your one of those individuals i've befriended that have certainly showed a high level of emotional intelligence in many respects

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Recognising them? Definitely. Managing them?

A work in progress. "

Proper recognition is always an important first step.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I know and understand my own emotions and triggers. And can easily explain to others why it is I feel the way I feel. I generally can sense when someone isn't right though I may not know the cause.

Think I find it the most frustrating when I explain my feelings and the other person just doesn't get it.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

It depends if we are talking fab or vanilla

Yes, I’m aware of my emotional intelligence when it comes to fab. As my profile states, I look for someone who is able to define the boundaries between relationship and play date - this isn’t a dating site (although some clearly treat it as such) a temporary emotional investment is my take on it

live for the moment!

Now when it comes to vanilla.... whilst I am emotionally aware, I do wear my heart on my sleeve far too often.

I’m currently on the fence of going back into a relationship from a while back. My only problem is, have lessons been learned and is all the drama in a box. I don’t do drama llamas, it’s a complete waste of time and energy and all to often innocently involves other people. I’m not sure it would work despite the return home from abroad..... and I have declined a ‘place to stay until I find somewhere’ .... omg just no!

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I'd like to think I'm good at recognising the emotions of others, I think to varying degrees we all would like to think we are.

So you have better self awareness and perception than ability to perceives others emotional responses?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Erm... I know myself and think I read others fairly well.

But I'm often not in control of how I react to things even though I know why I'm doing it.

So I guess I'm just emotional- as the over reacting is not very intelligent at all

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Good question.

Greater I think.

Yes.

Not sure about the last one. I’d like to think so but probably not

What do you think op? You know me better than anyone? "

Right! Generally agree and would say the last one is a work in progress with a fair bit to go

Loves you anyway

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Definitely. Hard won for me for a variety of reasons, but it's a skill as much as an innate ability. Part of that skill is working out when I need to question myself and work out how to do better - but also when to stop overthinking because I'm not the one in the wrong. When someone isn't worth my time or emotional energy.

In healthy emotional environments, I'm told I'm an asset to help people understand each other and themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am very in tune with my emotions and able to keep in check the majority of the time. I don't apologise for being sensitive and I do cry easily, sometimes even needy and not afraid to say how I feel and why and yes I know my triggers.

November is a difficult month for me, but learning to distract my mind and modify how I process the November blues, mindfulness and connecting with my environment has helped immensely

Took me a long time to realise anger is a wasted emotion and you really are only winding yourself up when you display or feel anger. That said I lost my shit recently for the first time in a long time (it is November) the trigger was a slow burn I can usually ignore but everyone has a break point which comes to the fore sometimes.

I am a natural empathic, I can read other peoples emotions and read situations, it bides me well at work because it gives me the ability to lead and manage my team as appropiate, reading their emotional needs can determine how I approach a situation. My girls would say I am a nurturer an empowering leader. Negative people drain me, negativity is draining so I try never to be

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I have plenty of emotions. And plenty of intelligence. Do i have intelligence applied to the emotions of myself, and the emotions of others? I like to think i do. I feel that i have some level of empathy and compassion, possibly sometimes caring more about others to the detriment of my own emotional health. I always try to understand other peoples points of view, and to be kind rather than cruel.

Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this something you possess to a lesser or a greater extent? Are you able to recognise your own emotions and the reasons behind them? Can you recognise those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately? Are you able to manage your emotions and use that information to guide thinking and behaviour?

Over to you

What about you OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, loads, but it doesn't always stop a person from fucking up. Intelligence Vs application of intelligence is another topic....

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"After approximately 15 years in management and then leadership roles this is a topic that really interests me. From doing various workshops, courses and just general discussions it has always surprised me how many people assume they have emotional intelligence but don't.

Then there is the people who assume they don't have it but are actually very strong in that department.

I could happily ramble on about this subject for ages and have written whole assignments on the topic "

It is a fascinating topic. I've read that people with high EI / EQ make the best leaders and tend to present with good levels of personal success and mental health. Interesting how there are differing models of EI / EQ and how to measure them. A world in itself!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Yeah, loads, but it doesn't always stop a person from fucking up. Intelligence Vs application of intelligence is another topic....

Ain't that the truth

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Yeah, loads, but it doesn't always stop a person from fucking up. Intelligence Vs application of intelligence is another topic....

Can say that again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can name them, but often don’t know why I’m feeling them as strongly as I do. So much is out of awareness. I guess I just need to become more self aware and emotionally intelligent. As for acting appropriately on them I often don’t. I guess I am pretty low on emotional intelligence.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

My EQ is pretty high; I can accurately perceive, pre-empt and respond to emotions in a fluid way; I read vibes and like to add a few good ones of my own to a situation.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Yeah, loads, but it doesn't always stop a person from fucking up. Intelligence Vs application of intelligence is another topic....

How true is that!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I think emotions have got the better of some who say they can keep theirs intact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can name them, but often don’t know why I’m feeling them as strongly as I do. So much is out of awareness. I guess I just need to become more self aware and emotionally intelligent. As for acting appropriately on them I often don’t. I guess I am pretty low on emotional intelligence."

Clearly I have a lot to learn about emotional intelligence from all of you

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I have plenty of emotions. And plenty of intelligence. Do i have intelligence applied to the emotions of myself, and the emotions of others? I like to think i do. I feel that i have some level of empathy and compassion, possibly sometimes caring more about others to the detriment of my own emotional health. I always try to understand other peoples points of view, and to be kind rather than cruel.

Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty..."

Yes. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should/ actions have consequences etc. Nothing in that's really changed, even though the rhetoric around freedom of expression has made it seem so.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"I think emotions have got the better of some who say they can keep theirs intact. "

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"It depends if we are talking fab or vanilla

live for the moment!

Now when it comes to vanilla.... whilst I am emotionally aware, I do wear my heart on my sleeve far too often.

It seems you know what decision to make in the end.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I know and understand my own emotions and triggers. And can easily explain to others why it is I feel the way I feel. I generally can sense when someone isn't right though I may not know the cause.

Think I find it the most frustrating when I explain my feelings and the other person just doesn't get it. "

People process information differently? Both analytical and emotional?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty..."

I think that *can* be the case, certainly in the short term, but ultimately the nasty or the underhand people of this world tend to show their true colours for what they are, regardless of any facade they may present, whereas the consistently nice remain so, and continue to be seen to be so by the majority.

It's usually just a matter of time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time "

You’re right it’s extremely difficult to keep up a facade of being nice, that’s why I don’t try to be nice. I managed it as a young boy, but let go of feeling I neede to be nice during my teenage years, when I started to rebel.

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"You’re right it’s extremely difficult to keep up a facade of being nice" - the truest comment said on this thread by a very long way.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

But here's the thing, there's "trying" to be nice to maintain a facade, and there's just being nice instinctively, and that was my point - the first will be seen through eventually, the latter is a natural way of being so doesn't require thought to do or not to do, it just is and is seen to be.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I know and understand my own emotions and triggers. And can easily explain to others why it is I feel the way I feel. I generally can sense when someone isn't right though I may not know the cause.

Think I find it the most frustrating when I explain my feelings and the other person just doesn't get it.

People process information differently? Both analytical and emotional?"

They do of course, I poorly explained, it's when they don't understand why you are emotional just because they wouldn't be in your situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

I’m yet to meet someone who is consistently, naturally nice though. Every human being I have ever met and got to know has a shadow side. Some are more aware of it than others. Some have learned to integrate it more than others, but I’m still to meet a saint that doesn’t sin regularly

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I am very in tune with my emotions and able to keep in check the majority of the time. I don't apologise for being sensitive and I do cry easily, sometimes even needy and not afraid to say how I feel and why and yes I know my triggers.

November is a difficult month for me, but learning to distract my mind and modify how I process the November blues, mindfulness and connecting with my environment has helped immensely

Being a team leader isn't easy. I know as i've been in that position before! Fine balance between being empathetic and withholding said empathy under some circumstances. I'm sure your team looks to you for stability and assurance

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

Of course there isn't that would be a ridiculous notion and I wasn't suggesting anything of the sort - everyone has off days, dark moments and more regardless of their general natural and instinctive way of being, but there are plainly those that *do* put on a facade that belies their true self and in doing so display an emotional intelligence that is somewhat lacking.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Over to you

What about you OP?

I'm very self aware of my emotions and emotional responses and have good emotional control. My responses to stressful triggers are usually measured and rarely impulsive.

Hit and miss in recognising this in others and not always successful. I've given far too much slack for people to my detriment in the past who didn't deserve it. All because I was slow to recognise just how emotionally unbalanced they were.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

Funny, you used the terms consistently, naturally and instinctively. It sounded like that was what you were suggesting. The very nature of persona and shadow is such that most people are relatively unaware of their façade. As a result there is a tendency to project their own nastiness onto others. I find it a lot easier to spot the splinter in someone else’s eye than the log in my own.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

Ain't that just effort put in for immediate reward (with consequences) vs long term gain. Seems like a right fucked up twisted route to living if you ask me. The whole "faking it" thing.

If you portray one version you might get instant gratification say, but then it's gone again once the veil falls, which it always does.

If you're just you then people who like "just you" - warts, farts, morning breath, the way you pick yer nose with your big toe, visions, values, etc will be there long term. To me that's far more valuable and productive than a quick fix or validation from others, when that validation is fleeting and based on bullshit anyway.

Work wise: it can be a difficult line to walk, because you will get those who prey on your empathic side and create scenarios to get a Saturday night off coz they wanna go out with their mates.

Out comes mumma mode, an arrangement to get things sorted for them and offer of help but with the raised brow and mention of disappointment and hurt if I'm not being told the whole story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

Ain't that just effort put in for immediate reward (with consequences) vs long term gain. Seems like a right fucked up twisted route to living if you ask me. The whole "faking it" thing.

If you portray one version you might get instant gratification say, but then it's gone again once the veil falls, which it always does.

Work wise: it can be a difficult line to walk, because you will get those who prey on your empathic side and create scenarios to get a Saturday night off coz they wanna go out with their mates.

Out comes mumma mode, an arrangement to get things sorted for them and offer of help but with the raised brow and mention of disappointment and hurt if I'm not being told the whole story."

Sadly I often don’t recognise when I’m faking it. Of course I know when I’m deliberately being deceptive, but my social façade is different it is out of my awareness often.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

Ain't that just effort put in for immediate reward (with consequences) vs long term gain. Seems like a right fucked up twisted route to living if you ask me. The whole "faking it" thing.

If you portray one version you might get instant gratification say, but then it's gone again once the veil falls, which it always does.

Bazinga!! Exactly that and comes back to my point about short term vs long term in response to the notion that "in our current society, nice loses out to nasty..."

Nice to know someone gets it

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"My EQ is pretty high; I can accurately perceive, pre-empt and respond to emotions in a fluid way; I read vibes and like to add a few good ones of my own to a situation.

I completely agree with your self assessment

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Maybe it is true though that in our current society, nice loses out to nasty...

It's usually just a matter of time

Ain't that just effort put in for immediate reward (with consequences) vs long term gain. Seems like a right fucked up twisted route to living if you ask me. The whole "faking it" thing.

If you portray one version you might get instant gratification say, but then it's gone again once the veil falls, which it always does.

Bazinga!! Exactly that and comes back to my point about short term vs long term in response to the notion that "in our current society, nice loses out to nasty..."

Nice to know someone gets it

Owning our wanker side too like. I can be a stroppy cunt as most know, I can get frustrated over stuff others can brush aside without a second thought, but that's me aint it. Suppose it's whether the group or individuals we gel with get that side of us and appreciate we feel strongly about it. They can still tell us "I love ya cunt, but shut the fuck up about it or piss off before my noggin explodes" and that'll be understood and respected.

But yeah, immediate temporary gain - nasty probably has the upper hand coz of the trickery and fakery with intent but long term...... nice can lay on their death bed and sigh a content one without fear, hopefully surrounded by genuine well wishes and love.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Consistently (invariably), naturally (without special intervention), instinctively (without conscious thought) - none of those are necessarily "constants" and simple logic would decree that they're not possible to maintain constantly - as you rightly say no-one is perfect, nor can they maintain being nice constantly - we all have our dark moments and off days as I said.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I know and understand my own emotions and triggers. And can easily explain to others why it is I feel the way I feel. I generally can sense when someone isn't right though I may not know the cause.

Think I find it the most frustrating when I explain my feelings and the other person just doesn't get it.

People process information differently? Both analytical and emotional?

They do of course, I poorly explained, it's when they don't understand why you are emotional just because they wouldn't be in your situation. "

Lack of empathy perhaps?

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I love reading your replies GM! You put things into context so well ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Self-awareness is of course harder to recognise and acknowledge than identifying poor traits in others - but that's not my point, the point is that for some the facade is a deliberate thing designed to deceive and mislead and that is where the true nastiness lies."
How do you know it’s deliberate? Since for the majority of human beings at their current stage of development, they are largely unaware of their shadow and see it instead in others actions, could it be just be part of a delusion of the relative self, the result of the stories the individual tells themselves that keeps their sense of ego intact?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I think so. Others may disagree of course.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

. "

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

How do you know it’s deliberate? Since for the majority of human beings at their current stage of development, they are largely unaware of their shadow and see it instead in others actions, could it be just be part of a delusion of the relative self, the result of the stories the individual tells themselves that keeps their sense of ego intact?

It's usually pretty obvious, especially when you're party to both a public and a private view or consistently here the same things said by unconnected individuals.

As I said right up there in counter to Polly's point which started this - the facade usually slips at some point and reveals the true colours

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

"
I agree that’s why I don’t think I am very self aware.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Self-awareness is of course harder to recognise and acknowledge than identifying poor traits in others - but that's not my point, the point is that for some the facade is a deliberate thing designed to deceive and mislead and that is where the true nastiness lies. How do you know it’s deliberate? Since for the majority of human beings at their current stage of development, they are largely unaware of their shadow and see it instead in others actions, could it be just be part of a delusion of the relative self, the result of the stories the individual tells themselves that keeps their sense of ego intact?

Sorry Doc, I was reading it as deliberate as in making a conscious decision to pull the wool over.

Example: infiltrating a couple disguising it as friendship, but with the sole intention of creating aggro and 'stealing' one half.

Saying you're a non drinker to get on the good side of someone when in fact you're hitting the bottle as soon as you're outta sight.

That's how I interpreted things, rather than thw changing or growing as a person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's usually pretty obvious, especially when you're party to both a public and a private view or consistently here the same things said by unconnected individuals.

As I said right up there in counter to Polly's point which started this - the facade usually slips at some point and reveals the true colours "

I think my lack of self awareness must blind me from seeing true colours.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?"

There's varying levels of self awareness. I'm just saying we can never really fully know how much we have or lack as if you lack self awareness to any degree, you're lack the awareness to be aware that you lack self awareness. It's a viscous cycle

. It's just a general acknowledgement. I personally think it's something that's hard to judge for ourselves and better judged by others.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?"

Not at all.

Many say experience is the best teacher and past experiences often shape our perception and awareness over time. That can changes us as a person. Well...for most people i'd assume

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

. It's just a general acknowledgement. I personally think it's something that's hard to judge for ourselves and better judged by others. "

Fuck yeah I agree with that.

Sometimes we can spot stuff in other people that we didn't even realise was a trigger point in ourselves. I've seen people do stuff and almost known why they've done it without realising at the time why I behaved that way myself.

Sometimes it takes time to have the "well fuck me that makes sense" moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?"

I think for me it is being consciously incompetent, as well as in some cases a skilled incompetent, like when I know what I feel I ought to do, but keep telling myself the same story so I can continue denying to myself that I need to change.

There’s a part of me that believes if it revealed itself openly to the world I would be reviled and hated for all time. So I keep that bit to myself, but of course it sneaks out from time to time and shocks people, because I seem to have behaved out of character. The reality is it is just part of me, part of being human. Loving and accepting that part of me and integrating it is the challenge.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

. It's just a general acknowledgement. I personally think it's something that's hard to judge for ourselves and better judged by others.

Fuck yeah I agree with that.

Sometimes it takes time to have the "well fuck me that makes sense" moment "

Yep. And often lots of personal growth comes from dealing with lots of personal shit. None of us are born with an instruction manual on how to handle our emotions and difficult situations. Sometimes you learn the most by massively fucking it up.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

"Unfuck yourself" you tube it. The dudes accent makes ya wanna punch him but he's through a screen so you have to let it go

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

. It's just a general acknowledgement. I personally think it's something that's hard to judge for ourselves and better judged by others.

Fuck yeah I agree with that.

Sometimes it takes time to have the "well fuck me that makes sense" moment

Absolutely. So true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

"Unfuck yourself" you tube it. The dudes accent makes ya wanna punch him but he's through a screen so you have to let it go

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Accutely so which can be a massive ballache in reality because you understand all the reasons for things, to the extent of excusing behaviours based on your chosen reasons for it, to probably the detriment of yourself and others. And still arent ablè to put in place the things you know you should do in order not to do the above things

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Accutely so which can be a massive ballache in reality because you understand all the reasons for things, to the extent of excusing behaviours based on your chosen reasons for it, to probably the detriment of yourself and others. And still arent ablè to put in place the things you know you should do in order not to do the above things

I feel this in my soul

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

"Unfuck yourself" you tube it. The dudes accent makes ya wanna punch him but he's through a screen so you have to let it go

Thank you

Also, I can't see you'd be hated ya spanner. I don't think I've ever hated someone for taking responsibility and trying to "be better" or address things that can be harmful to themselves or others.

Don't make me kick ya.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally believe so. However the trouble with self awareness is when you lack it you tend to be unaware. Therefore everyone believes they have it

Oh that is so true!

For the record, I believe you do as well

It's a continuous learning process

Agreeing with you again

But that IS being self aware ain't it? Knowing you're not gonna be the same person and that you're changing, learning and growing and recognising it.

Being able to say I felt like this, and now I feel like that.

Being able to feel one way, but understand and respect another person may feel differently due to one factor or many factors.

Am I being a plank?

"Unfuck yourself" you tube it. The dudes accent makes ya wanna punch him but he's through a screen so you have to let it go

Thank you

Also, I can't see you'd be hated ya spanner. I don't think I've ever hated someone for taking responsibility and trying to "be better" or address things that can be harmful to themselves or others.

Don't make me kick ya. "
oh you wouldn’t love my inner Trump

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Over to you

Gosh - this is a deep one for the weekend Chill!

Emotional intelligence wasn’t something I contemplated until joining fab and realising just how many ‘damaged’ people there are out there - unfortunately to my detriment on occasion!

So - I would consider myself as emotionally intelligent but I occasionally lapse - either in myself or in my perception of others. I tend to trust people far too quickly and ‘let them in’ emotionally - which has led to trouble in the past - particularly as some of those people had a vindictive side and major issues of their own.

I’ve had people ‘ hate’ me for reasons that are entirely in their own head - but eventually had to accept that there’s nothing I can do about it! All I can do is not hate them back. Hate - I’ve seen - is an incredibly destructive feeling - and one I hope to always avoid!

Like all people I’m occasionally illogical - but try to question myself when I feel it is needed and - if necessary - alter my own behaviour.

I’m generally a good judge of others - but like yourself I’ve got it alarmingly wrong once or twice op and paid the price.

All in all though - I feel I do ok!

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Over to you

Gosh - this is a deep one for the weekend Chill!

Emotional intelligence wasn’t something I contemplated until joining fab and realising just how many ‘damaged’ people there are out there - unfortunately to my detriment on occasion!

Like all people I’m occasionally illogical - but try to question myself when I feel it is needed and - if necessary - alter my own behaviour.

I’m generally a good judge of others - but like yourself I’ve got it alarmingly wrong once or twice op and paid the price.

All in all though - I feel I do ok!

I do have my not so shallow moments

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Oh lord, all that kicked off by my comment! A bit too complicated for me to come back on without sounding like a tit. Anybody want to talk about quantum computer programming?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now the voices in my head are kicking off..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Got better at this with age. I try not to react to certain folk, even when I realise what they're playing at but sometimes I still bite."

I'm the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over to you

What about you OP?

I'm very self aware of my emotions and emotional responses and have good emotional control. My responses to stressful triggers are usually measured and rarely impulsive.

You can't blame yourself for that though surely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm very self aware and in tune to myself. I'm sure I still have a lot to learn. Sometimes I get it wrong.

I've had to learn a lot with things I've been through but now at a point where I can speak up and communicate clearly and also pre warn someone when something might set me off be that good or bad. I like the place I'm at. Others find it weird or uncomfortable. I can be very open and OK with things where others struggle with it.

I'd like to think I can recognise a lot in others. But never assume I get it spot on. I trust my gut instincts much more than I used to.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I think I'm very self aware and in tune to myself. I'm sure I still have a lot to learn. Sometimes I get it wrong.

I'd like to think I can recognise a lot in others. But never assume I get it spot on. I trust my gut instincts much more than I used to. "

It seems experience has been a valuable teacher for you.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Over to you

What about you OP?

I'm very self aware of my emotions and emotional responses and have good emotional control. My responses to stressful triggers are usually measured and rarely impulsive.

You can't blame yourself for that though surely.

I feel that there can be a problem with some people of serially offloading their own shortcomings onto their partners, by indulging in emotional blackm@iling and gaslighting. Speaking from my knowledge of a close relative (ref nice loses out to nasty) who on the surface has much success with women and life, part of which i envy. But i see the sequence of wives, mistresses, girlfriends where somehow he always ends being publicly seen as the wounded party. I grew up with this person though, have seen some of the inner details and have knowledge of his true personality. Will it ever become obvious to those on the outside that when (as always happens) he is seen to be let down by the other - that the faults are in fact with the common denominator - him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over to you

I am reasonably self aware, and it’s something I’m constantly working on. I try to take time to step out if my head if I’m triggered and examine where it’s coming from.

I’m not always able to do this, and on occasion I react, but it’s getting less.

Our triggers are our teachers, if someone triggers us, there’s a chance their behaviour is holding up a mirror to our triggers. Being able to recognise this means we can work on the root cause/the underlying behaviour.

We all make mistakes in life, because we are all human, and we all get things wrong, it’s how we deal with it that counts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over to you

What about you OP?

I'm very self aware of my emotions and emotional responses and have good emotional control. My responses to stressful triggers are usually measured and rarely impulsive.

You can't blame yourself for that though surely.

I knew someone like that. He said all his ex's were crazy......

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Over to you

What about you OP?

I'm very self aware of my emotions and emotional responses and have good emotional control. My responses to stressful triggers are usually measured and rarely impulsive.

You can't blame yourself for that though surely.

I knew someone like that. He said all his ex's were crazy...... "

This is exactly it! Is this something that many cis (natal) women readily perceive about men? Sometimes i feel that as a person straddling the gender gap there are things apparent to me about the male psyche that many women may not really be aware of. Maybe it's a reflection of my dislike for my own male side, but often i fail to understand why women are ever attracted to men, why they aren't 95% lesbian to 5% straight, instead of the other way around!

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Over to you

What about you OP?

I'm very self aware of my emotions and emotional responses and have good emotional control. My responses to stressful triggers are usually measured and rarely impulsive.

You can't blame yourself for that though surely.

I knew someone like that. He said all his ex's were crazy......

Tbh I don’t think lack of emotional intelligence or plain old nastiness is gender specific. I’ve come across many truly lovely and balanced/mature people of both sexes - and totally fucked up people of both sexes. I think women just tend to vocalise more when they feel they’ve been treated badly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled "

Or a Tory!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand my emotions and behaviour very clearly, i don't alter my behaviour though as it's fine as it is.

I understand others too and give them a wide berth if their behaviour isn't pleasant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d like to think so....I’m good at reading other but my own emotions are a mystery to me!

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

Over to you

Yes

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!"

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

Starmer is a bellend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

Starmer is a bellend "

You’ll get splinters on that fence

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

Starmer is a bellend "

You honestly think Boris is ok?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

Starmer is a bellend

You honestly think Boris is ok?

Hell no, he's worse.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

Starmer is a bellend

You honestly think Boris is ok?

Hell no, he's worse. "

I think we’ll all be voting for the Monster Raving Loony party next time round!

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

Starmer is a bellend

You’ll get splinters on that fence

To be fair - most of the guys of fab would queue up to take the splinters out!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

Starmer is a bellend

You honestly think Boris is ok?

Hell no, he's worse.

I think we’ll all be voting for the Monster Raving Loony party next time round!

I was torn between Elmo and Lord Buckethead

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

Oh! Are you suggesting we may have gone off track Chill?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can read most people like a book sadly not everyone can.

That's why some people get played so often it's cruel, manipulative and the worst kind of deceit.

Bit off topic but it's all relevant.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness A*

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)B+

- Social awareness (empathy)A

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc) B- - could do better!

Let's keep it going

"
That better?

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

Oh! Are you suggesting we may have gone off track Chill?

I still have my deep, contemplative hat on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

I'd rate myself pretty highly in all areas there

Self awareness - Yup, I know my strengths and own my weaker areas. Self reflection is a tool I use daily to critically analyse myself in all aspects of my life.

Self management - I know my triggers and know my weak points. Dealing with people at work has helped how I approach situations and how I react. No not perfect but we are all a work in progress right?

Social awareness - as I said prior i'm a natural empath, I can read the emotions and feelings of others well, I can sense if someone isn't at their best or in pain whether it be physical or emotional and support as I can, usually seen as the go to if someone, only downside is others expect you to be strong, take the lead and look to you but it can ne draining sometimes when there isn't anyone to look out for you.

Self care and self preservation is crucial, you just can't crumble when you have people looking to you for leadership and guidance

Relationship management - yep, I maintain good relationships where it matters in work and privately, conflict management is a strongpoint at work, my boss usually leaves dealing with conflict to me because I am fair and objective. The key to dealing with conflict is clear and honest communication, the amount of times I have dealt with issues where people don't feel like they have been listened too or that their views count is unreal.

I have remind the managers that everyone has the right to be heard regardless of rank or quals and just because they are in a higher position doesn't mean that others can't challenge their views or opinions.

Head office did an audit recently of how effective the management is, my team were graded outstanding in all areas, from team working to leadership and management, very proud of that acheivement. Some managers still think a dictatorship style is the way forward but it really isn't, communication, respect, empowerment and ownership is key.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Low EQ - high IQ.

I have the joys of high functioning autism, alexithymia, low attentive ADHD and sensory processing disorder.. so I tend to miss things..

On the plus side, because of the above I also don’t realise (or at least process) my moderate-sever depression or PTSD. so.. erm.. win?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Low EQ - high IQ.

I have the joys of high functioning autism, alexithymia, low attentive ADHD and sensory processing disorder.. so I tend to miss things..

On the plus side, because of the above I also don’t realise (or at least process) my moderate-sever depression or PTSD. so.. erm.. win?"

Although I must add I was 34 when diagnosed because I masked and adapted exceedingly well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once saw a documentary and on it they stated that in Ancient Greece when they had big decisions to be made they thought them through sober and then when d*unk

Seems daft but I have had those moments of clarity when I’ve been drinking and been pondering life

I equate it to those new style courses where you are given a problem

You then come up with options however bizarre because what often seems to one to be unreadable actually isn’t to another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once saw a documentary and on it they stated that in Ancient Greece when they had big decisions to be made they thought them through sober and then when d*unk

Seems daft but I have had those moments of clarity when I’ve been drinking and been pondering life

I equate it to those new style courses where you are given a problem

You then come up with options however bizarre because what often seems to one to be unfeasable actually isn’t to another

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

I'd rate myself pretty highly in all areas there

Self awareness - Yup, I know my strengths and own my weaker areas. Self reflection is a tool I use daily to critically analyse myself in all aspects of my life.

Self management - I know my triggers and know my weak points. Dealing with people at work has helped how I approach situations and how I react. No not perfect but we are all a work in progress right?

Self care and self preservation is crucial, you just can't crumble when you have people looking to you for leadership and guidance

Wow..that's a very thorough self analysis. Well done!

Having been a team lead myself, I certainly know where you're coming from with regards to letting everyone's opinions be heard as well as being acutely aware of the well being of the team. It's simultaneously draining and rewarding

Now, shall we have pizza for lunch?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/12/20 11:18:39]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

Self awareness - as I said previously it is a work in progress, but I am aware of how little of my Self I am conscious of.

Self management - I ‘know’ how to process my emotions in a healthy way, but when triggered I can be volatile and feel fury at times. I haven’t killed anyone yet though. I still act out frequently.

Social awareness - I am capable of deep empathy, but I switch it off as it is too draining. So it is selective.

Relationship Management - I’m ok at maintaining relationships, I have much less influence than I imagined, I can resolve conflicts, but sometimes I like to create them. As for leadership, i don’t display enough of the key characteristics, frequently enough or competently enough to be considered a good leader.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

We use to laugh at Americans, well, Californians, well, Los Angelenos, about how they used to analyse every emotion and response, now we all do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

I'd rate myself pretty highly in all areas there

Self awareness - Yup, I know my strengths and own my weaker areas. Self reflection is a tool I use daily to critically analyse myself in all aspects of my life.

Self management - I know my triggers and know my weak points. Dealing with people at work has helped how I approach situations and how I react. No not perfect but we are all a work in progress right?

Self care and self preservation is crucial, you just can't crumble when you have people looking to you for leadership and guidance

Wow..that's a very thorough self analysis. Well done!

Now, shall we have pizza for lunch?

Mr Chillout, I would be delighted to have lunch with you. Pepperoni and doughballs please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say I feel I can read people pretty well....

Until some one reveals themselves to be a racist or something else extreme and then I’m baffled

Or a Tory!

Or someone who though Corbyn was a good idea!

Ok - I’m with you on Corbin!

Watching Keir Starmer with interest though.

Let’s be honest - any party is only as good as it’s leader!

You find Keir Starmer interesting? Note to self...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

' Some managers still think a dictatorship style is the way forward but it really isn't, communication, respect, empowerment and ownership is key.'

Dictatorship is one extreme but I have never known a management team achieve the latter. It invariably dissolves into a series of circular meetings that never actually reaches a decision. Give me a benign dictator anyday. If the decision is a wrong one it becomes apparent and can be put right. Better that than no decision ever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I once saw a documentary and on it they stated that in Ancient Greece when they had big decisions to be made they thought them through sober and then when d*unk

Seems daft but I have had those moments of clarity when I’ve been drinking and been pondering life

I equate it to those new style courses where you are given a problem

You then come up with options however bizarre because what often seems to one to be unreadable actually isn’t to another"

That sounds like a great idea! Sometimes it's good to think outside the box.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting replies so far

So within competencies of E.I., how do you rate yourself?

- Self Awareness

- Self management (emotional control, adaptability)

- Social awareness (empathy)

- Relationship management (influence, conflict management, leadership etc)

Let's keep it going

My earlier "no" answer to your OP wasn't meant to sound snippy, sorry. I have none of the above so there was nothing else to say.

I think this is a really interesting thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To an extent, everyone is after a period of brief reflection

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I read this thread with interest, and now I can finally comment I'm going to stick my two penneth in (curse you OP for starting one of the most interesting threads I've seen for a while when I can't join in

)

The main thing that I noticed is how differently some people perceive themselves to be in this regard versus how I see them. I know we use personal bias when evaluating others, and certainly the circumstances in which we've had interactions with people will influence our perception, but some were vastly different, bordering on the complete opposite. That fascinated me….I love people watching and seeing the fantastic diversity of human behaviour. This world would, after all, be rather dull if we were all the same.

But back to the OP - personally, I feel that I'm very perceptive, and adept at reading people. Does this automatically translate to empathy? No, more often than not I use it purely as a means to determine whether I should keep my guard up or let that person in.

Am I aware of my own emotions and can I control them? I'd say yes, on the whole (PMT being the biggest anomaly there, although even then I'm very much aware of my emotions, but they often have no rational cause and I occasionally have less success in managing them). Do I always control my emotions? No, sometimes I just let them free dependent on the circumstances, but that is a conscious choice.

So to sum all that waffling up, I'd say that yes, I do believe that I'm emotionally intelligent - I'm not perfect, because nobody is, but on the whole I have a good handle on my head space, emotions and reactions.

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By *icknHMan
over a year ago

Ilfracombe

Think I’m good in this space. If emotional intelligence was a cock I’d be a 9-incher

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I read this thread with interest, and now I can finally comment I'm going to stick my two penneth in (curse you OP for starting one of the most interesting threads I've seen for a while when I can't join in

)

You have it in abundance my dear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What and who made you the judge and jury on who has emotional intelligence OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am aware of my own emotional intelligence, but every now and again get hard, stark reminders as to why I do and should continue to suppress my emotions.

Suppressed, I become almost robotic in response, and react with the calculated logic of a computer. When I allow my emotions to surface, and react to them, my logic is analogous, and I get burned. It’s not so much that I cannot read the other person, as needing binary clarity.

It’s an area where I’ve a lot of work to do, along with self awareness. Every day is a school day, some of which are harder than others.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"What and who made you the judge and jury on who has emotional intelligence OP?

Nothing and no one. I just call it as I see it

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I have a lot of common sense. This keeps me level headed in a lot of situations.

My job and my life has taught me to always see things from another’s point of view so I am always aware it’s not just about me.

Because of this I feel I can switch on to peoples emotive state quite early. It helps to build strong connections and that’s definitely been the case with C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am very self-aware which comes from being an introspective introvert. Because I have a mood disorder I have become used to managing my emotions (not always succesfully). A psychologist I saw did tell me I was one of the most self-aware people she had ever met.

I think I can tell when someone is happy, sad, angry etc. but might not always know why and do like to know why someone feels such and such because of this or that.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

How large a role do you think empathy plays in emotional intelligence? Do you feel it's essential to have this to better understand our responses as well as other people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How large a role do you think empathy plays in emotional intelligence? Do you feel it's essential to have this to better understand our responses as well as other people?"

Are you studying to be a counsellor and seeking our help with your coursework?

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"How large a role do you think empathy plays in emotional intelligence? Do you feel it's essential to have this to better understand our responses as well as other people?

Are you studying to be a counsellor and seeking our help with your coursework?"

I'm being curious. Is that an issue?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"How large a role do you think empathy plays in emotional intelligence? Do you feel it's essential to have this to better understand our responses as well as other people?"

I think it's very important, but, and it's no little but it's a massive fucking BUT.. that side can get abused by those with narcissistic tendencies/liars/predators etc so needs to be kept in check by the empath and time out taken, space given if it's someone close to you, or a "feelings aside, what's logic telling me?" approach taken.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"How large a role do you think empathy plays in emotional intelligence? Do you feel it's essential to have this to better understand our responses as well as other people?"

I think empathy is a big part of it even if it's a natural empathy or a very logic based one. However, I'm very aware that even though I'm empathetic if it's a situation I'm in I can get wrapped up in my own feelings. And sometimes need to step back to look at the situation properly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have lots and none at the same time.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"How large a role do you think empathy plays in emotional intelligence? Do you feel it's essential to have this to better understand our responses as well as other people?

Pitfalls of excess empathy?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"How large a role do you think empathy plays in emotional intelligence? Do you feel it's essential to have this to better understand our responses as well as other people?

Pitfalls of excess empathy?"

Without a doubt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you studying to be a counsellor and seeking our help with your coursework?

I'm being curious. Is that an issue?"

It was phrased like a question from an academic course and your answer could be used to claim criteria. Just curious of we were doing your homework. I was being curious. Is that an issue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In terms of understanding our own level of emotional intelligence, I'm not really sure how big a role empathy plays.

I have noticed how describing oneself as an empath (I don't) seems to be something used by some as a way to denote that they somehow feel more deeply than others.

I'm not sure I see this as a positive thing

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I think it depends on what kind of empathy you're talking about. Cognitive empathy, definitely. Compassionate empathy, to a point, and for me would be subjective dependent on the person and circumstances...do I want to understand why someone close to me is upset? Absolutely. Do I want to understand why a random stranger is running around a shopping centre waving a knife about? Not particularly, I'd rather just concentrate on staying alive.

And emotional empathy can, in my view, be detrimental to, or at least detract from, emotional intelligence - I feel that becoming too embroiled in someone else's feelings leads to reduced clarity of thinking and logic.

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Are you studying to be a counsellor and seeking our help with your coursework?

I'm being curious. Is that an issue?

It was phrased like a question from an academic course and your answer could be used to claim criteria. Just curious of we were doing your homework. I was being curious. Is that an issue?"

If I needed help on an academic course I certainly wouldn't seek it from an online sex site

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By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I have thoroughly enjoyed the unintended irony which is liberally sprinkled throughout this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Empathy is a critical component of emotional intelligence as is knowing how to maintain healthy boundaries between oneself and others. Empathy is essential to not only understand another’s perspective but also the feelings and emotions underlying it.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

A greater degree of emotional intelligence, this is especially apparent in my poly relationships

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have thoroughly enjoyed the unintended irony which is liberally sprinkled throughout this thread

I’d be really interested in you pointing out the irony. I’m not emotionally intelligent enough to understand irony

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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

" I have thoroughly enjoyed the unintended irony which is liberally sprinkled throughout this thread"

Meaningless contribution duly noted

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