FabSwingers.com forum: Friendship

By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

What do you do when a friendship falls apart? Don't know if I'm soft but when a friendship comes to end I'm as upset as if it was a romantic relationship ending. Whenever a friendship of mine ends regardless of who walked away it hurts me a lot.

So what do you do when a friendship has run its course? Leave each other drift apart? Or do you try and mend it? Does it bother you or do you grieve the loss? Is it a different process to ending a romantic relationship?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

To be honest with friends that matter it hasn't happened to me - I still have friends from when I was at school. It would take a *lot* to break those bonds, and would hope that the strength of them would enable us to be adult about it and prevent them breaking anyway - but if it were to happen, I'd be incredibly sad and feel the loss acutely as much as the loss of any other relationship.

Fleeting friendships, such as some of those on Fab or work colleagues that you leave behind when you change jobs, it doesn't overly bother me, they tend to just fizzle out naturally anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have to examine it then it was never a friendship to begin with.

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

I have some friendships from school too, and I can't fathom falling out with them. Although 2 of my closest friends have and it's been bitter, and has caused so much upset.

People coming in and out is only natural in life and in the sector I work in is completely normal. But one friendship has caught me out recently and it caught me unawares. So it's all got me thinking

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I literally only have 3 friends who are in my heart and have been there for 20 plus years, we have broken and remade our friendships throughout and I know I can trust them with my life

Everyone else is a social friend or fun acquaintance and I am used to those frequently coming and going

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

"If you have to examine it then it was never a friendship to begin with."

I'd never had any kind of relationship then, I analyse things to the max. I don't give my trust and heart without thought, just the way I'm built

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I do think that when a relationship comes to an end, whether it's romantic or not you do go through an almost grieving process of what was and what could have been.

I've been upset previously a couple of times when very close friendships have come to an end but over time the hurt lessened. The more fleeting friendships, no not upset.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of the few close friends I have made we have only been parted by death. Those still knocking around are spread all over the place, but when we do meet we can pretty much pick up where we left off. The careless bastards who died, yes there's a sense of loss, but it's not like losing a loved one.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've certainly grieved the loss of friendships. Sometimes more than relationships. It is a loss.

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

"I do think that when a relationship comes to an end, whether it's romantic or not you do go through an almost grieving process of what was and what could have been.

I've been upset previously a couple of times when very close friendships have come to an end but over time the hurt lessened. The more fleeting friendships, no not upset."

Agree with you there are fleeting friendship's and then there are friendships that you hope will last a lifetime. And it's sad when those ones end or it is for me in any case

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"If you have to examine it then it was never a friendship to begin with."

You can be friends with someone and still fall out or drift apart.

If that happens you are bound to think about it

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

It hurts and alot

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

"Of the few close friends I have made we have only been parted by death. Those still knocking around are spread all over the place, but when we do meet we can pretty much pick up where we left off. The careless bastards who died, yes there's a sense of loss, but it's not like losing a loved one."

I'm sorry for the loss of your friends. I've lost a couple one in an accident another to cancer. But totally get the picking up where you left off is one of the best feelings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have one that i grieved for immensely.

I gave my all, supporting her through a terrible break up, an isane affair that brought reality crashing home and then a rebound that gave her what she wanted..

She made passes at my friends husbands which made me reevaluate what she was telling me about her friends husbands coming onto her, but i loved her and supported her loyally throughout

It is what it is. We both had a part to play, but ultimately i knew that she shed friends as new chapters opened so whilst not wholly surprised, i was still devastated. Its years since we spoke. At least 11.

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"What do you do when a friendship falls apart? Don't know if I'm soft but when a friendship comes to end I'm as upset as if it was a romantic relationship ending. Whenever a friendship of mine ends regardless of who walked away it hurts me a lot.

It depends how close the friendship was?

And what happened to break it up?

I personally think a romantic break up is more harder to get over,but I've never really had a proper falling out with any close friends.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"If you have to examine it then it was never a friendship to begin with.

You can be friends with someone and still fall out or drift apart.

If that happens you are bound to think about it "

People change, people find out more about each other, circumstances change. All reasons to examine, discuss, negotiate. Sometimes it succeeds, sometimes it fails.

Relationships require work and upkeep. Including friendships. The idea that working on friendships makes them doomed or not friendships is baffling to me. (In fact all my friendships that fail have an element of one or both sides not being willing to discuss)

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

There is only one close friend of 20 years I’ve distanced myself from and that was because they broke my trust. It hurt at the time and when they asked why, they got both barrels of blunt honesty, it was something that can’t be repaired. Others are acquaintances that you have a laugh with, spend time with and these will come and go throughout your life.

I don’t attach the friends label easily to people, most are people I know and have a laugh with. I have friends from school, early days of work life and none of them know everything about me, each one in their own way gets to know a side of my life. They know not to probe or ask and that if I’m ready to share I will; on the flip side they know they can talk to me about anything and I’ll always have their back, if required.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust is extremely important with me.

I've done so very serious things in my life some of which the information was protected by law.

Only the very closest know what I did (and before anyone thinks bad it wasn't breaking the law)

So as a result I'm very selective of who I call a friend.

Misplace my trust your gone, no returns. It's the end for you.

And I'm like this with anyone I work with I tell them nothing of my private life not even what I did at the weekend.

Some of the work I did for pmc's appeared online with pictures a few years back and I had to move.

It can make relationship difficult as I take a very long time to trust and the smallest mistake I consider fatal.

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By *ainbowCheesecakeCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

It depends on the circumstances sometimes you just drift apart I've had friends that I thought I would always be close to but haven't spoken to in years.

One who was my best man and have been through a insane amount of stuff with I've barely spoken to since he behaved appallingly at my wedding i still think about him alot and still miss having him as a friend but unfortunately he never grew up and still expects to be able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants and has no understanding of the responsibilities we now have with family etc.

My main struggle nowadays isn't so much keeping friends it's making new ones. As adults with work and family life it becomes very easy to become isolated. I work with some great people who I can go out with occasionally and enjoy a drink but I wouldn't consider them friends as such.

Finding time to actually make new friends and enjoy time away from work/kids is half the reason me and the wife came back here. That and the kinky sex

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

The difference between those we think are friends but are actually just acquaintances....

I’ve had this happen in my life too, both male and female. I tend to walk away despite the upset but if there is a difference of opinion then it tells me the friendship isn’t as close knit as I thought. I have a very low tolerance of those who don’t or can’t respect the value of friendship - what ever the circumstances - virtual or otherwise.

Once the door is closed I don’t attempt to reopen it. Invariably, once differences prevail there will always be mistrust.

My true friends have two way respect and they are honest. Those I fall out with or leave behind I consider we’re not true friends.

Why have ‘friends’ permanently in your life when it appears you are just an option in theirs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think real friendships break. If they do and you don't come together to fix a problem then the chances are they weren't so good in the first place....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is only one close friend of 20 years I’ve distanced myself from and that was because they broke my trust. It hurt at the time and when they asked why, they got both barrels of blunt honesty, it was something that can’t be repaired. Others are acquaintances that you have a laugh with, spend time with and these will come and go throughout your life.

Don't see you as often these days. But I hope your well and keeping safe

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

"It depends on the circumstances sometimes you just drift apart I've had friends that I thought I would always be close to but haven't spoken to in years.

Finding time to actually make new friends and enjoy time away from work/kids is half the reason me and the wife came back here. That and the kinky sex "

I can relate to the finding it difficult to find time to make new friends with life commitments. Most of my closest friends I've had over 20 years some over 30, poor sods putting up with me for so long

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

"The difference between those we think are friends but are actually just acquaintances....

Once the door is closed I don’t attempt to reopen it. Invariably, once differences prevail there will always be mistrust.

My true friends have two way respect and they are honest. Those I fall out with or leave behind I consider we’re not true friends.

Why have ‘friends’ permanently in your life when it appears you are just an option in theirs. "

This is very true, I need to get better at walking away sooner instead of trying to mend things.

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

"I don't think real friendships break. If they do and you don't come together to fix a problem then the chances are they weren't so good in the first place....

That's probably very true yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/12/20 13:07:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I screwed up a few friendships in one fell swoop. I still feel the loss and the shame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I separated from my husband I lost a lot of people that I thought were my friends.

We worked together so our lives were very entwined. It made me realise who my real friends were/are.

Those ‘friends’ tried to make amends when they realised what had happened but by then it was too late. They are now my colleagues and acquaintances but not friends. I was sad about it in many ways but I don’t think I mourned their friendship as such.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I don't have many people that I class as friends...more acquaintances which come and go as your and their lives and circumstances change. To me, real friends are those that know all of me, that can be relied upon in any circumstance, and know that they can rely on me. My true friends, yes I would be upset if that friendship broke...but to varying degrees depending on the reason. I accept that acquaintances coming and going is a part of life and it doesn't affect me beyond wistful recollections of good times that we shared.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I definitely do mourn it if I was close enough with someone. I've definitely shed tears and felt miserable in the past when I feel myself drifting away from someone. I do make good effort to keep the spark alive but sometimes if the effort isn't made on their part then the best thing to do is let the flames die down and allow yourself to be sad and move on.

I still remember losing my best girl friend at 20 years old. She broke up with her boyfriend and completely changed. I was gutted as we were so close and comfortable with each other. I've also drifted away from my closest friend after leaving work and having a baby, and it's difficult to keep the flame alive between us both, we more just check on each other every so often and catch up when we can. It's shite.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I have a very small circle of two close friends after my closest friend died a few years ago.

I would move heaven and earth to maintain those friendships, they mean far more to me than any romantic attachment.

We've had disagreements and fallings out, but they are people with whom I can work through disagreements and still be friends.

I have a wider circle of mates, some I care for more than others. If those looser ties fall away it's a shame, but not everyone is meant to be in my life forever.

I wouldn't be heartbroken at falling out with them unless it was a consequence of my bad behaviour, and then I think it would be more to do with my guilt than with losing their friendship if that makes sense.

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By *emorefrida OP Couple
over a year ago

La la land

"I definitely do mourn it if I was close enough with someone. I've definitely shed tears and felt miserable in the past when I feel myself drifting away from someone. I do make good effort to keep the spark alive but sometimes if the effort isn't made on their part then the best thing to do is let the flames die down and allow yourself to be sad and move on.

It's hard once you have kids. I've lost my closet friend from uni not by falling out, but just being at different phases in our lives. Yeah we text happy birthday etc but it isn't the same as it was and it sucks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think real friendships break. If they do and you don't come together to fix a problem then the chances are they weren't so good in the first place....

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