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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Do you think people should speak up if they feel they have been bullied or emotionally abused?

Is it better to get it out in the open and resolve misunderstandings ... or say nothing to keep the peace and still feel crap?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speak up if you can, but I’m sure it’s not always easy.

Some people are scared to speak out, and worried about the consequences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's whoever the person who has been abused choice. We all deal with things in life differently

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By *13_hercMan
over a year ago

Blackrock

I don't believe that letting things fester is ever a good thing. The art-form is in how one gets it out in the open. Personally I tend to be too direct; others I know are a lot more diplomatic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it's whoever the person who has been abused choice. We all deal with things in life differently "

This is similar to what I was going to say.

We all deal with things differently.

I prefer to bottle problems up and deal with it myself instead of talking.

For others, talking is best.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Speak out...bullies depend on your silence to continue their control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think people should speak up if they feel they have been bullied or emotionally abused?

Is it better to get it out in the open and resolve misunderstandings ... or say nothing to keep the peace and still feel crap?

"

Depends how it's done. If in public, involving a lot of 'opinions' from people who know nothing about the situation and back story, it's never going to go well, no matter what's happened.

If it's methodical and in a constructive way, then it's help for the person who is the under-dog in the scenario, in order to organise thoughts and feelings and possibly a help on the road to recovery, and maybe a wake up call for the "abuser" (used in a light way, to define both parties) x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you think people should speak up if they feel they have been bullied or emotionally abused?

Is it better to get it out in the open and resolve misunderstandings ... or say nothing to keep the peace and still feel crap?

Depends how it's done. If in public, involving a lot of 'opinions' from people who know nothing about the situation and back story, it's never going to go well, no matter what's happened.

If it's methodical and in a constructive way, then it's help for the person who is the under-dog in the scenario, in order to organise thoughts and feelings and possibly a help on the road to recovery, and maybe a wake up call for the "abuser" (used in a light way, to define both parties) x"

Fair point.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

9 times out of 10 the person who's done the "wrong" won't see it that way anyway.

They'll come back with something like "that's YOUR problem for being stupidly sensitive" or the suchlike.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I do read all replies but can't reply to everyone because it makes feel like I'm hogging the conversation, sorry.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Really depends on the circumstances.

Sometimes it's good to clear the air. Other times it'll do no good and you're better off shielding yourself until you can walk away.

There's a lot of good in processing these things, but how you do this really depends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/11/20 12:27:54]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think people should speak up if they feel they have been bullied or emotionally abused?

Is it better to get it out in the open and resolve misunderstandings ... or say nothing to keep the peace and still feel crap?

"

100% speak up, but address it in the correct way as well. Don’t come across as a douche yourself..

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Depends on the circumstance, the cause and effect and more - sometimes walking away and distancing yourself from a situation is the best and easiest option, sometimes confronting it head on is called for, and sometimes it just boils over and takes a natural course of it's own - often quite spectacularly.

I've applied all three of the above at different times in my life - sometimes successfully, others not so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

beware of good intensions because there is still trolls out there and they will add to the abuse avoid social media as there is even more trolls on there sometimes getting a problemn into the open only makes it more condensed..making it harder to overcome in your own mindset ...but everyone has different triggers so ,family, close friends, or a professional are the only option someone who can see how bad it effect you.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Depends on the circumstance, the cause and effect and more - sometimes walking away and distancing yourself from a situation is the best and easiest option, sometimes confronting it head on is called for, and sometimes it just boils over and takes a natural course of it's own - often quite spectacularly.

I've applied all three of the above at different times in my life - sometimes successfully, others not so.

"

I'll add to this it also hugely depends on the who.

If GM ^ told me he was upset about something I said then I'd be genuinely horrified.

If someone I really wouldn't piss on if they were on fire said the same, I'd probably light an extra match and quote "karma's a bitch eh?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think people should speak up if they feel they have been bullied or emotionally abused?

Is it better to get it out in the open and resolve misunderstandings ... or say nothing to keep the peace and still feel crap?

"

Depends on the abuse and the abuser. Emotional abuse can be soul destroying and sometimes has no end. Confronting abuse can make a situation a whole lot worse.

If it is a relationship, sometime the only answer is to leave. *Honey

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Where I last worked there were 4 of us working together and the 2 that been there longest bullied dave and me that started at the same time dave very much more so it was awful I had to say something in end as watching him being trodden down every day was horrendous but it caused alot of awkwardness and didnt really stop! Is one of the good things to come from covid as we all went on furlough then all but one (one of the bullies) were made redundant we both have new jobs now and he says he is so happy that all ended now x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Depends on the circumstance, the cause and effect and more - sometimes walking away and distancing yourself from a situation is the best and easiest option, sometimes confronting it head on is called for, and sometimes it just boils over and takes a natural course of it's own - often quite spectacularly.

I've applied all three of the above at different times in my life - sometimes successfully, others not so.

I'll add to this it also hugely depends on the who.

If GM ^ told me he was upset about something I said then I'd be genuinely horrified.

If someone I really wouldn't piss on if they were on fire said the same, I'd probably light an extra match and quote "karma's a bitch eh?""

Well now you mention it there was that one time...

Absolutely it depends on the who - often though bullies and emotional abusers aren't the type you can talk things through rationally with...so extra Swan Vestas may be needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to drop bits of me into different threads

I don't have a monopoly on having being through the threadmill

I find gauging threads and how they develop sometimes helpful

I can pull bits from different places and take resolve and re-assurance from these

That's MY way of processing stuff though, others may need the full monty laying out and through the help of others, re-enforcing, re-building, re-focussing and re-strengthening themselves

When I first joined the forums, it tied in timewise to my best friend being diagnosed with cancer, eventually passing and the associated grief to do with that

Being here helped. A lot. Helpful hands and bosoms came from the most unlikely of places and I gained new friends as a result

I like to think I have given some of that back over the years

Quite often, people shy away from offering help as they think what they can say or do won't have much of an effect

This is often far from the truth

The smallest of gestures can alter a mindset, a few words can change an outlook and, perhaps, put someone on the road to self healing

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I'm pretty much a confront things head-on type of person...although age and experience have made me not quite as hot-headed as I used to be, so I'll be more tactful a lot of the time, especially at work.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

We are taught in our training that everyone has a voice and should be heard, we should not be afraid to speak out and tell someone that, "your words hurt me" "your actions make me feel sad".

It is especially difficult with vulnerable adults that have past issues to open up and speak the truth of their feelings, but if they can we all can.

So for me personally If I am hurt by someone I am going to tell them, I don't have to accept their apology or make things right, but I will feel safe to speak out.

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By *each_PittWoman
over a year ago

Belfast


"I'm pretty much a confront things head-on type of person...although age and experience have made me not quite as hot-headed as I used to be, so I'll be more tactful a lot of the time, especially at work. "

This is me too apart from the tactful part. Thing is people don't care what you have to say if its contrary to what they want. I'm trying to be more like that and not care but unfortunately I take a lot of things to heart

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Depends on the circumstance, the cause and effect and more - sometimes walking away and distancing yourself from a situation is the best and easiest option, sometimes confronting it head on is called for, and sometimes it just boils over and takes a natural course of it's own - often quite spectacularly.

I've applied all three of the above at different times in my life - sometimes successfully, others not so.

"

Spectacular boiling over is what I do best.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you think people should speak up if they feel they have been bullied or emotionally abused?

Is it better to get it out in the open and resolve misunderstandings ... or say nothing to keep the peace and still feel crap?

Depends on the abuse and the abuser. Emotional abuse can be soul destroying and sometimes has no end. Confronting abuse can make a situation a whole lot worse.

If it is a relationship, sometime the only answer is to leave. *Honey"

Some relationships can't be escaped though.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I'm pretty much a confront things head-on type of person...although age and experience have made me not quite as hot-headed as I used to be, so I'll be more tactful a lot of the time, especially at work.

This is me too apart from the tactful part. Thing is people don't care what you have to say if its contrary to what they want. I'm trying to be more like that and not care but unfortunately I take a lot of things to heart "

I did say a lot of the time...there are still occasions when I just let rip

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"Do you think people should speak up if they feel they have been bullied or emotionally abused?

Is it better to get it out in the open and resolve misunderstandings ... or say nothing to keep the peace and still feel crap?

"

I'm not sure there's a simple yes / no answer. Its very personal. Somehow I think it has to be better to get it out and address it but I know that it's not always achievable.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Bullies 99.9% of the time need the acceptance of their entourage when attacking an individual. I can’t stand-by in any walk of life and watch it unfold so I confront it head on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes saying nothing can be the best revenge.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sometimes saying nothing can be the best revenge."

Grey rock.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Speak to to who? The person bullying them, confiding in a friend how they feel, reporting to their boss? I think there's several different approaches to dealing with this kind of thing? And there's no hard and fast rule which is the best approach, except don't suffer in silence if it's making you unhappy.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Depends on the circs.

Personal safety is the most important thing.

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