FabSwingers.com forum: Does sharing make you vulnerable?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There have been threads where people have shared aspects of their lives where they have come through bad times. Sharing personal details about different aspects of their lives.

Do you think that makes them vulnerable? Or does it make them stronger for sharing and getting their feelings out in the open?

If you have shared personal details on forum threads how has it affected you?

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Not vulnerable, more human I suppose, we each have ideas of who is behind the text we read, the little personal snippets help to build a slightly better picture of them in my eyes

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By *BootyfulDayWoman
over a year ago

…

I admire it and am almost jealous; I wish I felt more comfortable sharing both online and in person but just struggle with it!

I think vulnerability is sometimes a strength

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dunno if it makes them stronger, tho I reckon it can. But I think it makes them brave.

I also think that a lot of humans are cunts and will use certain info to manipulate someone.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think it makes them stronger. But there is always people prepared to take advantage of peoples percieved vulnerabilities.

If someone thought they could take advantage of mine they would have to think again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being vulnerable and sharing good and bad experiences is a very powerful tool for building trust and helps others to consider different approaches they may not have considered previously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t share on here, I don’t want people to know my business, I’m not knocking people who over share that’s up to them, but the less people know the better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Being vulnerable and sharing good and bad experiences is a very powerful tool for building trust and helps others to consider different approaches they may not have considered previously "

I like that it can help other people reading about the experience(s).

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I think possibly a bit of both depending on what is shared...I'm fortunate enough to have had a relatively untraumatic life (I wouldn't say an easy life, but I haven't experienced anything that has affected me to the degree that some people describe), so I can't speak with any authority on the feeling stronger part, just taking people's word on that.

But, there are some very manipulative people in the world that could, and would given half a chance, use some of the things that I've seen shared on here to their own ends.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

It can make you vulnerable.

Whist the forums may be full of lovely folk, there are also some folk who aren’t particularly nice and use whatever issues you have mentioned in forum posts as a means to :

A) gaining entry to your inbox under the illusion of having something in common and

B) using said issues to try and hurt you in some way. Either emotionally or in a more sinister way.

Like it or not, for every lovely person on here who is rooting for you, there is also someone who is a nasty piece of work and would use something against you as soon as look at you.

It happens elsewhere on the net so why should Fab be any different really?

Share by all means, but just be aware that there really are some fucked up folk about.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I share on here and in real life. What I gain is beyond what others see on the forum. I've made connections with others who have gone through similar, so finding someone who can understand. I've had people who have asked advice based on my experience. If I share and if makes someone feel less isolated then I think it's positive

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry I forgot to say in the OP. I read all these replies but I don't reply to all as I see it as a group discussion. Not just directed at the OP (if that makes sense).

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Sorry I forgot to say in the OP. I read all these replies but I don't reply to all as I see it as a group discussion. Not just directed at the OP (if that makes sense).

Totally does

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It can make you vulnerable.

Whist the forums may be full of lovely folk, there are also some folk who aren’t particularly nice and use whatever issues you have mentioned in forum posts as a means to :

A) gaining entry to your inbox under the illusion of having something in common and

B) using said issues to try and hurt you in some way. Either emotionally or in a more sinister way.

Like it or not, for every lovely person on here who is rooting for you, there is also someone who is a nasty piece of work and would use something against you as soon as look at you.

It happens elsewhere on the net so why should Fab be any different really?

Share by all means, but just be aware that there really are some fucked up folk about."

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Jay fell in love with my vulnerabilities

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"Jay fell in love with my vulnerabilities"

Jay fell in love with the whole package, and the cats

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I am more open here than I am in everyday life

I don't think it has affected me negatively

It might put people off, but I've never felt vulnerable or affected by it and no one has ever gone out of their way to contact me privately

I do, however, totally understand what you are alluding to

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It definitely can make you vulnerable. It depends on what's going on in the background with you, and any interaction which may arise from it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Jay fell in love with my vulnerabilities

Jay fell in love with the whole package, and the cats

"
very true

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s a tough one because sharing / showing your vulnerabilities takes strength , if you don’t have it , the attention and reflection on what you’ve done can have the opposite effect. A friend of mine published his autobiography last year - prison without bars - he laid it bare, horrific child abuse, gangs, drug addiction, but like 20 years after he dealt with it all.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It’s a tough one because sharing / showing your vulnerabilities takes strength , if you don’t have it , the attention and reflection on what you’ve done can have the opposite effect. A friend of mine published his autobiography last year - prison without bars - he laid it bare, horrific child abuse, gangs, drug addiction, but like 20 years after he dealt with it all."

For sure. It can be like blood letting, or it can be an act of strength.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t share on here, I don’t want people to know my business, I’m not knocking people who over share that’s up to them, but the less people know the better."

This

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think possibly a bit of both depending on what is shared...I'm fortunate enough to have had a relatively untraumatic life (I wouldn't say an easy life, but I haven't experienced anything that has affected me to the degree that some people describe), so I can't speak with any authority on the feeling stronger part, just taking people's word on that.

But, there are some very manipulative people in the world that could, and would given half a chance, use some of the things that I've seen shared on here to their own ends. "

About sums it up for me and personally I question some of the more "MumsNet" type threads partly for that reason (and I use MumsNet not in a derogatory way to diss those threads but as a generic descriptive term before anyone pounces).

If people want to share then they're of course entitled to, and if they feel they get something from doing so then good for them - personally I'd prefer to seek out those I know and trust for support in a more private setting than put it up for public consumption, and exposure - especially as I do feel those type of threads can attract a lot of "faux sympathy" designed to get an "in" and let's not forget the forums are viewable by the whole internet not just members, and membership is but a matter of clicks away so I would prefer to use caution myself but as I said if others feel they get something from it then that is equally fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can, yes.

I suppose it depends on where you are on your journey? I'm just thinking out loud, I'm not saying that applies to everyone.

I've had my vulnerabilities played on and used against me. It's an awful place to be and eventually just put me off people full stop. I stopped trusting anyone and I rarely trust anyone even now.

I don't share everything and certainly not in detail but there are some things I'm willing to talk about freely and if sharing my story helps one other person with theirs, then it was worth it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There have been threads where people have shared aspects of their lives where they have come through bad times. Sharing personal details about different aspects of their lives.

Do you think that makes them vulnerable? Or does it make them stronger for sharing and getting their feelings out in the open?

If you have shared personal details on forum threads how has it affected you?"

If you're too scared to share something that could be seen as making you vunerable does that make you a weak person? Or stronger? Why struggle alone and be some kind a martyr that no one know about? A problem shared is a problem halved, if someone else can give another line of thought or perspective does it make you weaker that you didn't come up with it yourself? Does not require a strength to share a weakness or vulnerability in the first place? Hiding it suggests a fear of what others might make of you, and why should we care what others think? Who are they anyway? Are they important and part of our everyday lives? Isn't it just society that deems it weak to be seen struggle when in fact its OK to not be ok? If its not OK then we have to bloody perfect 100% of the time.

Do those that don't share end up being the same as those that display a picture perfect life on social media and often called fake? Are the ones that share all real?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

So wanted to add, for me personally I was more vulnerable when I wasn't as open. I got told nobody else would put up with me, you're damaged goods xyz. I found when it was something I hid it gave people power over me, if that makes any sense at all? Me now being open if a new partner were to say the same things my friends would now tell me what a manipulative person they are being. I also don't worry what I post here because most of my friends already now my history. I just post here as I would if you came across me outside fab. I'm not saying it works for everyone but it does me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I imagine it was a very cathartic experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So wanted to add, for me personally I was more vulnerable when I wasn't as open. I got told nobody else would put up with me, you're damaged goods xyz. I found when it was something I hid it gave people power over me, if that makes any sense at all? Me now being open if a new partner were to say the same things my friends would now tell me what a manipulative person they are being. I also don't worry what I post here because most of my friends already now my history. I just post here as I would if you came across me outside fab. I'm not saying it works for everyone but it does me. "

Makes total sense.. A secret revealed, whilst embarrassing, holds no power over an individual.. It's amazing too how many people just shrug and say 'oh'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm assuming you mean an abusive relationship, the person saying you are damaged goods.

Why would hiding it give people power over you? Or do you mean it gave your ex 'power'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Showing real vulnerability IMHO is an act of bravery that deserves respect and admiration. Being authentic even in the most challenging times is rare these days.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There have been threads where people have shared aspects of their lives where they have come through bad times. Sharing personal details about different aspects of their lives.

Do you think that makes them vulnerable? Or does it make them stronger for sharing and getting their feelings out in the open?

If you have shared personal details on forum threads how has it affected you?

Do those that don't share end up being the same as those that display a picture perfect life on social media and often called fake? Are the ones that share all real?

That's a lot of questions. A lot to think about.

A problem shared isn't necessarily a problem halved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own I guess. I can understand how cathartic sharing things with strangers as it's easier to take someone you don't know making judgements.

I keep myself pretty gaurded, I don't always share. I don't feel the need too. My mental health has taken a spiral, I don't necessarily need to share it, or the catalyst because I know what I need to do I don't need the advice and if I'm honest I find it draining.

I do think people need to be mental health aware, just because you can come across as happy and positive doesn't mean your not dying inside....People just see you at face value and rarely scratch underneath

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

outside the forums i dont discuss my past with anyone. My close friends know and thats it. My gentlemen havent a clue about my past. Just something i dont discuss

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

*friends*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There have been threads where people have shared aspects of their lives where they have come through bad times. Sharing personal details about different aspects of their lives.

Do you think that makes them vulnerable? Or does it make them stronger for sharing and getting their feelings out in the open?

If you have shared personal details on forum threads how has it affected you?"

There seems to be negative connotation with being vulnerable. And I don't agree with that.

Men and women all have assailable moments

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm assuming you mean an abusive relationship, the person saying you are damaged goods.

Why would hiding it give people power over you? Or do you mean it gave your ex 'power'?

Oh crumbs no I've learnt the hard way that everyone and anyone can take advantage, manipulate or just an idiot with your personal information. I just state my history as the facts of my life, they are what they I can not change them nor can it be changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think being honest makes people vunerable unless they have a victim mentality. Life events shape the people we are, but those events don't need to define us. Just my 5p worth....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes, it's nice to hear that you're a 'winner', even from strangers and to feel someone has heard and SEEN you.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Makes total sense.. A secret revealed, whilst embarrassing, holds no power over an individual.. It's amazing too how many people just shrug and say 'oh' "

Spot on.

For catharsis to work you must be open, once open, the fear of exposure and judgement is reduced or removed, sometimes to the extent that the event itself no longer has power. You have taken back control.

If doing so in an anonymous forum works - fill your boots. Be aware that others know and may "white knight" you. That risk is real but manageable. The benefits are real enough to be worth it. And the more people do open up, the less the white knights and others can exploit it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dunno if it makes them stronger, tho I reckon it can. But I think it makes them brave.

I also think that a lot of humans are cunts and will use certain info to manipulate someone.

It was you who made me think more about what I share. Some people see the vulnerability and use it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm open about having been in an abusive relationship because

A) I want people to understand why I am the way I am. Naturally something like that has affected me.

B) If anybody is going through the same thing or has been something I've said might be able to help.

C) I've been able to make friends with fellow forumers that have been through the same thing.

I once put up a post in The Lounge just asking for advice because I felt I was in a strange position in life and got nothing but genuine, honest, decent answers in return that put me at ease. Oddly, it seemed the best place for advice for me was here, I know just from reading the forums there are people from all walks of life so who better to ask...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dunno if it makes them stronger, tho I reckon it can. But I think it makes them brave.

I also think that a lot of humans are cunts and will use certain info to manipulate someone.

It was you who made me think more about what I share. Some people see the vulnerability and use it.

Really??? How?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I could open up to someone.

I've never been able too fully open up because on the times I have spoken about my personally issues, the other person has gone on and destroyed/ hurt me beyond belief.

I probably only would say what I thought was enough to stop further questions going forward.

I feel vulnerable by not opening up but that easier for me to deal with.

I have many of my friends open up to me and I think they aren't as vulnerable as me.

Each to there own and I dont judge, just here if needed.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Not acknowledging my trauma and refusing to deal with it made me incredibly vulnerable for a long time.

Looking at it, examining it, facing up to it, all made me less vulnerable.

Knowing that others have walked the same road and have managed to thrive gives me hope that I can do the same and strength to persevere.

I share what I feel like sharing, in an open forum or in private messages. If it makes me vulnerable then so be it - 30 years of silence didn't do much to protect me!

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel no need to share my life's traumas on a forum like this. I am very lucky with my circle of family, friends and lovers that I have all the support I need there.

There is definately a positive edge for many to not feel alone in their journeys and that many are fighting/winning/struggling with their own battles which recent threads show.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown"

People can own their story and embrace their vulnerabilities without oversharing on platforms that perhaps aren't the most apt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it doesn't make the vulnerable at all it shows bravery and strength, as someone who used to be a closed book I know how hard it is to speak about the way you feel but since I've let things out of my head I'm doing a whole lot better.

I find that still a fair amount of men find it hard to open up and really wish they would, it doesn't mean a sign of weaknesses at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There have been threads where people have shared aspects of their lives where they have come through bad times. Sharing personal details about different aspects of their lives.

Do you think that makes them vulnerable? Or does it make them stronger for sharing and getting their feelings out in the open?

If you have shared personal details on forum threads how has it affected you?

There seems to be negative connotation with being vulnerable. And I don't agree with that.

Men and women all have assailable moments"

Yes I meant vulnerable in a negative way. Not necessarily vulnerable to people taking advantage though.

Could be such as someone sharing and wanting to be heard, but people being dismissive and saying their issue isn't that bad.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Pretty much the only thing I wouldn't share on here now would be if I met someone that I could see a future with. It's not something I want or need at this time in my life but if it did happen it'd be kept quiet for sure.

My past doesn't make me vulnerable as such. It's gone. I've learnt from it. Yes I've got scars but you know scar tissue is tough as fuck. Of course there will be days that are good and bad, but that's life ain't it and they're all gonna pass.

Yes there are people who will use your vulnerability against you. Bottomfeeding scum I believe they're called.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

People can own their story and embrace their vulnerabilities without oversharing on platforms that perhaps aren't the most apt "

How people choose to embrace their vulnerabilities and brave the darkness that may of been holding them back is all part of it. Where and how they choose to do that is a decision they have made that is part of the process... and down to them

Some people walk, some run and one guy I knew travelled on a uni-cycle. The fact they all took the journey is the important part, not how many people laughed or pointed.

I see it as brave and sometimes I choose not to read them. After all it’s not really for me that they do it.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

The act of sharing, itself, no. Not at all.

What is being shared is what makes the difference between being vulnerable or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am very comfortable in my vulnerability, ironically I don’t feel I can be wounded by expressing wounds, in expressing them appropriately I heal more.

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By *roggrt1919Man
over a year ago

Barnsley

I have always kept things to myself. My thoughts my emotions everything if no one knows then everything's OK. I have recently had my 7 year relationship tore apart partly because of it. I very quickly realised I needed to talk. I started counselling and although I was sceptical about it 4 sessions in I feel better and feel I can talk about my problems and that people will understand. They say a problem shared is a problem halfed if you have the confidence or the thought that if you share on here no one knows you but as t the same time most of the people want to help so you could say although we don't know each other we are still family. All with different backgrounds all with different experiences and knowledge. Why not draw on all of that

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

I share something on here that I hide in my normal every day life so yeah I do feel a little vulnerable because of it at times hence why I wont let anyone know my real name, where I live or what I do for a living as it could leave me wide open to having my secret divulged publicly and would make life hell particularly at work.

I've trusted some to these details and mostly think I've made the right choices to do so although I do fear one or two on here could and potentially would out me for their own fun just because they can.

You have to weigh up the risks or forever hide and miss out on the good things sadly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have always kept things to myself. My thoughts my emotions everything if no one knows then everything's OK. I have recently had my 7 year relationship tore apart partly because of it. I very quickly realised I needed to talk. I started counselling and although I was sceptical about it 4 sessions in I feel better and feel I can talk about my problems and that people will understand. They say a problem shared is a problem halfed if you have the confidence or the thought that if you share on here no one knows you but as t the same time most of the people want to help so you could say although we don't know each other we are still family. All with different backgrounds all with different experiences and knowledge. Why not draw on all of that "

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