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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Who wants to bang me?

Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.

What you bringing to my table?

Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?"

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as it’s had a wash first!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'll start with hugs and sharing chocolate, and being gentle on the sore arm. I'll have to work up to fucking

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I’ll bang your shitter and lick your pissers

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"As long as it’s had a wash first! "

I only said might on the minge washing. It's not nailed on set in stone. Could be a green fog cloud

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

You having a tombola?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll chuck one up you Peach...

I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...

Lu

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit? "

Nah

Just far too damn big

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll start with hugs and sharing chocolate, and being gentle on the sore arm. I'll have to work up to fucking "

Fucking will be all weird. I reckon I'd end up trying to give an ear wank or something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell you what, I’ll wash if you wash

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I’ll bang your shitter and lick your pissers "

Welcome to clinkerville

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll start with hugs and sharing chocolate, and being gentle on the sore arm. I'll have to work up to fucking

Fucking will be all weird. I reckon I'd end up trying to give an ear wank or something "

Woof

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"You having a tombola?"

Tombola, hat pick, names in a slipper, spinning wheel of winkle.... Who knows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tgirl cock FTW!

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll chuck one up you Peach...

I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...

Lu "

Moi? Chat shite? How very dare you. I'm gonna send you 18 pages of waffle just to prove you wrong!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll chuck one up you Peach...

I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...

Lu

Moi? Chat shite? How very dare you. I'm gonna send you 18 pages of waffle just to prove you wrong!"

It's only cos I'll join in!

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big "

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Tell you what, I’ll wash if you wash "

Lightweight.

I've got pegs on the washing line. They've only been there all year so they'll disintegrate on touch but I reckon they're worth a shout for nasal protection

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll start with hugs and sharing chocolate, and being gentle on the sore arm. I'll have to work up to fucking

Fucking will be all weird. I reckon I'd end up trying to give an ear wank or something

Woof"

Lord Flashheart?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it."

Exotic

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything "

Yaaaaay, 2 buckets, one for pissing, one for puking and won't even need to leave the room!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Your pleasure is my pleasure

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Tgirl cock FTW!"

You get a big piece of paper with your name on.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I'll even bring my rocky horror DVD for afterwards

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll chuck one up you Peach...

I've got a selection of sizes for you to choose from...and gags to keep you from chatting utter shite whilst I'm trying to concentrate...

Lu

Moi? Chat shite? How very dare you. I'm gonna send you 18 pages of waffle just to prove you wrong!

It's only cos I'll join in! "

Jibber jabber

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular


"Who wants to bang me?

Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.

What you bringing to my table?

Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.

"

If it means taking one for the time I’m willing to make the sacrifice

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it."

Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lord no. I like you far too much for that

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.

Exotic "

I chuckled myself at that

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Your pleasure is my pleasure "

Kapow! Terry's chocolate orange and a lemon cheesecake. Thats pleasure right there.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit? "

Ohhhh you've got a cock i never knew about eh, well throw my name into your hat then Peach

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll even bring my rocky horror DVD for afterwards "

I have the dvd, just nowt to play it on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lord no. I like you far too much for that "

This for me too OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything

Yaaaaay, 2 buckets, one for pissing, one for puking and won't even need to leave the room!"

That's a plan right there!

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Who wants to bang me?

Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.

What you bringing to my table?

Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.

If it means taking one for the time I’m willing to make the sacrifice "

Did I mention I'm going au natural and I'll look like an Ewok?

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"You having a tombola?

Tombola, hat pick, names in a slipper, spinning wheel of winkle.... Who knows. "

Random fuck generator?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will you keep that hat on, or you going to use my erect penis as a hatstand ?

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.

Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!"

Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend


"I'll even bring my rocky horror DVD for afterwards

I have the dvd, just nowt to play it on "

I'll bring a player

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Lord no. I like you far too much for that "

Pint and uno it is

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.

Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!

Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie."

I love how multipurpose these gifts can be

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By *ang bang bangity bangCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

Would we have to wash as well?

Of so does it need to be a full on shower or will a blast of Lynx Africa do?

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Ohhhh you've got a cock i never knew about eh, well throw my name into your hat then Peach "

I'm full of surprising surprises. I pop surprises out my chuff like a gumball machine

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

Yes can offer mediocre sex but I have loads of cat videos on my phone. How does that sound?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tgirl cock FTW!

You get a big piece of paper with your name on."

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Lord no. I like you far too much for that

This for me too OP "

You is getting a hug, a knuckle head rubby thing and me sat on yer lap like a kitten. A big kitten that really needs to go sit on its own fucking chair, but a kitten nonetheless

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I can bring Gin and chocolate, get ya shitfaced first then we can talk about the fucking once we've stopped pissing ourselves laughing at anything and everything

Yaaaaay, 2 buckets, one for pissing, one for puking and won't even need to leave the room!

That's a plan right there! "

Who needs the girl guides to come up with plans of steel eh?

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"You having a tombola?

Tombola, hat pick, names in a slipper, spinning wheel of winkle.... Who knows.

Random fuck generator?"

That's the geezer

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Will you keep that hat on, or you going to use my erect penis as a hatstand ?

"

I was thinking more of a bedhead look. You know, if I'm going the effort of maybe washing my vag, that's more than enough

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll even bring my rocky horror DVD for afterwards

I have the dvd, just nowt to play it on I'll bring a player "

Sweet as a Terry Nutkins

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.

Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!

Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie.

I love how multipurpose these gifts can be "

And a weapon. Clobber round the noggin of anyone who dares break in

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

I’ll bring twister and a tickle

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Would we have to wash as well?

Of so does it need to be a full on shower or will a blast of Lynx Africa do?"

Dry shampoo or glitter spray works perfectly fine. Roll on deodorant round the arse crack tho, will catch any remaining nuggets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I think you're awesome but you're not really my type..... but can I get a cuddle and a big smacker anyway?

Course ya can.

My cock is the wrong shape innit?

Nah

Just far too damn big

Jesus Fucking Christ (pronounced heyzeus - he's exotic) is yet to be engulfed in human flesh. I reckon I'd be swollen shut before he made it.

Aww you named your scary massive cock too! Mine is called Big Bad Bob and he's a mantelpiece decoration cos he's going nowhere near my foof!

Draught excluder is where Jesus's skills lie.

I love how multipurpose these gifts can be

And a weapon. Clobber round the noggin of anyone who dares break in "

Oh I've already done that one....

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Yes can offer mediocre sex but I have loads of cat videos on my phone. How does that sound? "

We would spend our time trying to find me a giant German rabbit. I shall name it "Heil Shitler" regardless of its gender.

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I’ll bring twister and a tickle "

Leave the tickle, it could end with an emergency dentist trip

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue "

Boooyakasha, might shave my tashe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue

Boooyakasha, might shave my tashe!"

Ooo no leave it on... Quite like a tickle pickle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue

Boooyakasha, might shave my tashe!

Ooo no leave it on... Quite like a tickle pickle "

Mr Monopoly Man's gonna be well jel

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress "

The more the merrier. Just keep the gin flowing. I'll get someone else in as sick bucket emptier

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By *00KissesCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge


"Lord no. I like you far too much for that

Pint and uno it is"

Love to join you for this.. I'll up it to flip uno

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress

The more the merrier. Just keep the gin flowing. I'll get someone else in as sick bucket emptier "

Lol and someone else to drink for a date like a chunky cocktail

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress

The more the merrier. Just keep the gin flowing. I'll get someone else in as sick bucket emptier

Lol and someone else to drink for a date like a chunky cocktail "

Dare not date

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Lord no. I like you far too much for that

Pint and uno it is

Love to join you for this.. I'll up it to flip uno "

I've not played flip uno. Fuck it, your name is going in!

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Can I come to this party even if it's just as the waitress

The more the merrier. Just keep the gin flowing. I'll get someone else in as sick bucket emptier

Lol and someone else to drink for a date like a chunky cocktail "

It'll still have plenty of potency so yeah, just down the end of the garden and they have to stay the fuck outside

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lord no. I like you far too much for that

Pint and uno it is"

How could I resist?

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

.

By the time this covid shite is over I'll probably be living with someone and have a couple of kids, But if you send me any videos of your future meets I'll probably knock one out to them

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"By the time this covid shite is over I'll probably be living with someone and have a couple of kids, But if you send me any videos of your future meets I'll probably knock one out to them "

I hate to break it to ya Scrum..... I'm actually from the future.... I AM one of your kids.

You owe me 43 birthday presents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue

Boooyakasha, might shave my tashe!

Ooo no leave it on... Quite like a tickle pickle

Mr Monopoly Man's gonna be well jel"

Oofftt shhuusshh... bend over.. Just to warn you, you are likely to feel a big bang

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Lord no. I like you far too much for that

Pint and uno it is

How could I resist? "

Quite easily

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

.


"By the time this covid shite is over I'll probably be living with someone and have a couple of kids, But if you send me any videos of your future meets I'll probably knock one out to them

I hate to break it to ya Scrum..... I'm actually from the future.... I AM one of your kids.

You owe me 43 birthday presents."

Stop messing with my head

and ruining my future wanks

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Nope not a fucking chance are my man bits going anywhere near your fanjango - that's just one weird fucked up thought too many, even for me who's cornered the market in weird and fucked up at times...it's possibly tantamount to the anagram of a word for a six legged bug and I ain't going there for all the tea in freaking China....if it's me you're holding out for you may as well call the Mother Superior and ask where you sign up now...

...although send me some rude pics of you in the uniform please

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Oooo I'm gonna get a strap on and join the queue

Boooyakasha, might shave my tashe!

Ooo no leave it on... Quite like a tickle pickle

Mr Monopoly Man's gonna be well jel

Oofftt shhuusshh... bend over.. Just to warn you, you are likely to feel a big bang "

Hiroshima eat your heart out

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"By the time this covid shite is over I'll probably be living with someone and have a couple of kids, But if you send me any videos of your future meets I'll probably knock one out to them

I hate to break it to ya Scrum..... I'm actually from the future.... I AM one of your kids.

You owe me 43 birthday presents.

Stop messing with my head

and ruining my future wanks

"

Okay pops, only coz you put me through uni.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Who wants to bang me?

Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.

What you bringing to my table?

Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.

"

I'm sooo showin my Mrs this thread when gets home from work then scare the shite out of her & pretend we won! (She'd b scared cos hasn't yet with a woman no offence ment)

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Nope not a fucking chance are my man bits going anywhere near your fanjango - that's just one weird fucked up thought too many, even for me who's cornered the market in weird and fucked up at times...it's possibly tantamount to the anagram of a word for a six legged bug and I ain't going there for all the tea in freaking China....if it's me you're holding out for you may as well call the Mother Superior and ask where you sign up now...

...although send me some rude pics of you in the uniform please "

Pics in my nun lady uniform.

Hmmmmm ... why change the habit of a lifetime?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Nope not a fucking chance are my man bits going anywhere near your fanjango - that's just one weird fucked up thought too many, even for me who's cornered the market in weird and fucked up at times...it's possibly tantamount to the anagram of a word for a six legged bug and I ain't going there for all the tea in freaking China....if it's me you're holding out for you may as well call the Mother Superior and ask where you sign up now...

...although send me some rude pics of you in the uniform please

Pics in my nun lady uniform.

Hmmmmm ... why change the habit of a lifetime? "

Not gonna wimple out then?

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Who wants to bang me?

Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.

What you bringing to my table?

Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.

I'm sooo showin my Mrs this thread when gets home from work then scare the shite out of her & pretend we won! (She'd b scared cos hasn't yet with a woman no offence ment) "

Do it! Film her mortified reaction

I'd shit fucking bricks if I came face to face with myself and I've been with women before.

I think I need to work on my suaveness

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

I think I need to work on my suaveness "

You need to have some in the first place to be able to work on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Who wants to bang me?

Once covid is and my libidoless funk have finally fucked off, once my desireless body has rewoken and is once more a sex machine capable of shit that's pretty fucking epic.. I might consider giving my minge a wash and inviting others to enjoy it with me.

What you bringing to my table?

Names in a hat like, gotta do it fair.

I'm sooo showin my Mrs this thread when gets home from work then scare the shite out of her & pretend we won! (She'd b scared cos hasn't yet with a woman no offence ment)

Do it! Film her mortified reaction

I'd shit fucking bricks if I came face to face with myself and I've been with women before.

I think I need to work on my suaveness "

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"

I think I need to work on my suaveness

You need to have some in the first place to be able to work on it "

Dunno what you're on about I'm Hannibal Lecter suave me.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

I think I need to work on my suaveness

You need to have some in the first place to be able to work on it

Dunno what you're on about I'm Hannibal Lecter suave me."

I think you'll find that was Chianti not Suave-ignon

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"

I think I need to work on my suaveness

You need to have some in the first place to be able to work on it

Dunno what you're on about I'm Hannibal Lecter suave me.

I think you'll find that was Chianti not Suave-ignon "

Dammit.

I need to practice my whine

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I'll bring pies to your table. A bag of very nice heels that I'm considering just posting because I've had them for a bit now.

As for sex? Naaaaaah, we'd drive each other potty afterwards. I'd watch you have sex with a couple of my friends though.

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By *rincess peach OP   Woman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll bring pies to your table. A bag of very nice heels that I'm considering just posting because I've had them for a bit now.

As for sex? Naaaaaah, we'd drive each other potty afterwards. I'd watch you have sex with a couple of my friends though. "

Pies

Heels

Sex with friends

What's not to love about that?!

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