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How can I come across as someone you can trust?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This is for my book, so people have the choice to ignore it if they don’t want to help or they can give me some advice.

I’ve only just thought about this after reading wookies advice thread but he’s raised a point.

How am I supposed to do a book thats giving advice to people when I have no qualifications?

The people who read it aren’t going to know me. They’re gonna think who the hell are you to tell me what to do.

So how can I come across as not patronising and as someone the readers can trust?

The way I was spinning it was explaining that I’ve been shit at dating and saying all the mistakes I’ve made. It’s kind of me saying look I’ve done this and that and this is the outcome I’ve got from it. I know that if you do this action or react this way then xyz will happen.

Also gonna say that I’ve been on various forums over the years and surveyed 100’s of men and women.

But does it still come across like I’m blowing my own trumpet?

I’m stuck now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Market it as a spoof advice book?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

By not actually telling people what to do.

It's your experience, your version of life as you have seen and lived it.

It's advice, not an order.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try using phrases like “in my humble opinion” and “in my personal experience “ and start off informing the reader who you are and why you have written what you have written.

Forum arrogance works well.

Books humble works well.

In my humble opinion.

T

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"By not actually telling people what to do.

It's your experience, your version of life as you have seen and lived it.

It's advice, not an order."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is for my book, so people have the choice to ignore it if they don’t want to help or they can give me some advice.

I’ve only just thought about this after reading wookies advice thread but he’s raised a point.

How am I supposed to do a book thats giving advice to people when I have no qualifications?

The people who read it aren’t going to know me. They’re gonna think who the hell are you to tell me what to do.

So how can I come across as not patronising and as someone the readers can trust?

The way I was spinning it was explaining that I’ve been shit at dating and saying all the mistakes I’ve made. It’s kind of me saying look I’ve done this and that and this is the outcome I’ve got from it. I know that if you do this action or react this way then xyz will happen.

Also gonna say that I’ve been on various forums over the years and surveyed 100’s of men and women.

But does it still come across like I’m blowing my own trumpet?

I’m stuck now. "

Catchy title/ cover, as some people actually do judge a book by its cover. Make the blurb interesting or have someone else you know and trust write it.

?

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By *ittle Girl LostWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help? "

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/11/20 11:20:51]

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By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport

I think it depends on the tone of the work. Is it serious or light-hearted?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 25/11/20 11:20:51]"

Just write the thruth as it is, nothing is more trustworthy than that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yeah definitely have spun the intro by specifically stating I’m not qualified to tell anyone what to do, and I’ve said I can only tell you what I’ve done and how I’ve handled situations.

I’ve also said that I’ve used forums for years and when I’ve needed advice or answers to questions I’ve surveyed 100’s of men and women to get as many opinions as possible.

These readers are gonna benefit from 9 years worth of help and advice I’ve personally had off all you lot over the years, also the help and advice other people have asked for and got.

A lot of things dating related are universal things and have happened to loads of other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 25/11/20 11:20:51]

Just write the thruth as it is, nothing is more trustworthy than that."

I think it's a collection of forummite opinions +experiences mixed with her experiences so far as i can tell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"By not actually telling people what to do.

It's your experience, your version of life as you have seen and lived it.

It's advice, not an order."

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

A preliminary disclaimer would be a judicious option.

Perhaps an introductory statement expressing that these are your opinions and experiences and that the reader is of course entitled to disagree and/or draw their own conclusions/form their own opinions.

Many self help/advice books employ this

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness"

Yes but that’s the point. I’m not telling people to do what I do. I’m telling people not to do what I do or have done.

Example, a guy you’ve been meeting doesn’t text you back, he reads your message but doesn’t reply.

I would send another message, then another, then another, all in gradual stages of me losing my shit. The result, the guy thinks you’re mental and you end up putting him off. So the message is don’t do what I do.

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By *andVCouple
over a year ago

Doncaster


"This is for my book, so people have the choice to ignore it if they don’t want to help or they can give me some advice.

I’ve only just thought about this after reading wookies advice thread but he’s raised a point.

How am I supposed to do a book thats giving advice to people when I have no qualifications?

The people who read it aren’t going to know me. They’re gonna think who the hell are you to tell me what to do.

So how can I come across as not patronising and as someone the readers can trust?

The way I was spinning it was explaining that I’ve been shit at dating and saying all the mistakes I’ve made. It’s kind of me saying look I’ve done this and that and this is the outcome I’ve got from it. I know that if you do this action or react this way then xyz will happen.

Also gonna say that I’ve been on various forums over the years and surveyed 100’s of men and women.

But does it still come across like I’m blowing my own trumpet?

I’m stuck now. "

What is the book about? If it is about being shit at dating then you need to show you now are good at dating to show success if it is purely an advice book. As if you can't show that it would be like somebody doing a book about weight loss but then being the same weight or bigger than they were when they first started, nobody is going to follow that persons advice.

If it is more of a comedic book were you poking fun at your terrible dating experiences then it doesn't matter too much how good or bad you are now lol

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By *ittle Girl LostWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness

Yes but that’s the point. I’m not telling people to do what I do. I’m telling people not to do what I do or have done.

Example, a guy you’ve been meeting doesn’t text you back, he reads your message but doesn’t reply.

I would send another message, then another, then another, all in gradual stages of me losing my shit. The result, the guy thinks you’re mental and you end up putting him off. So the message is don’t do what I do. "

But you understand that telling someone not to do what you have done, is in fact telling them what to do!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you want to

Make People think

Gain people trust

Just be an example

Or to sell the book?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This is for my book, so people have the choice to ignore it if they don’t want to help or they can give me some advice.

I’ve only just thought about this after reading wookies advice thread but he’s raised a point.

How am I supposed to do a book thats giving advice to people when I have no qualifications?

The people who read it aren’t going to know me. They’re gonna think who the hell are you to tell me what to do.

So how can I come across as not patronising and as someone the readers can trust?

The way I was spinning it was explaining that I’ve been shit at dating and saying all the mistakes I’ve made. It’s kind of me saying look I’ve done this and that and this is the outcome I’ve got from it. I know that if you do this action or react this way then xyz will happen.

Also gonna say that I’ve been on various forums over the years and surveyed 100’s of men and women.

But does it still come across like I’m blowing my own trumpet?

I’m stuck now.

What is the book about? If it is about being shit at dating then you need to show you now are good at dating to show success if it is purely an advice book. As if you can't show that it would be like somebody doing a book about weight loss but then being the same weight or bigger than they were when they first started, nobody is going to follow that persons advice.

If it is more of a comedic book were you poking fun at your terrible dating experiences then it doesn't matter too much how good or bad you are now lol"

Shit. I haven’t had any opportunity to put my new skills into practice. It’s writing this book and really researching, having a penny drop moment back in July that made me take responsibility for my own failings, realising that everything people have been telling me for years was actually shit hot advice but it jut never stuck or sunk in before. Think I needed to hit the bottom, experience one more heartbreak to tip me over the edge and be like right, enough now. I haven’t got the success part down yet but there’s gonna be loads of other chapters. My failures is only a small section.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be worried first off by how you even ask the question.

You're asking how you can "come across" as someone you can trust, rather than how you can BE someone you can trust.

I doubt you'll get anywhere if you have little confidence in even your own credentials. I'd go along with the other suggestions here that say you should think about changing the approach of the book to something more light-hearted.

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

In any walk of life professional or personal I would find it hard to take advice from someone who had not done successfully what they are trying to help me to do, be it by advice, a blog, a book, a course.

How can you say the advice you are giving is right or works if it hasn't given you what you want?

Jo

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

Make it funny make it relatable ....... make it a good title point fun at everything all the ‘make him love you by texting these four word’ gurus out there.

Life is far too serious ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness

Yes but that’s the point. I’m not telling people to do what I do. I’m telling people not to do what I do or have done.

Example, a guy you’ve been meeting doesn’t text you back, he reads your message but doesn’t reply.

I would send another message, then another, then another, all in gradual stages of me losing my shit. The result, the guy thinks you’re mental and you end up putting him off. So the message is don’t do what I do.

But you understand that telling someone not to do what you have done, is in fact telling them what to do!!!

"

I understand your point but I’m not gonna say do what I do or don’t do what I do. I’m just going to give the scenarios and how I’ve acted in certain ways and the outcome it got me.

The readers will have enough intelligence to form their own opinion based on the information I’ve given.

If someone thinks sending multiple abusive messages to someone is a good thing they can read my experience of doing that and then think hmmm I better not do that then.

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By *andVCouple
over a year ago

Doncaster


"This is for my book, so people have the choice to ignore it if they don’t want to help or they can give me some advice.

I’ve only just thought about this after reading wookies advice thread but he’s raised a point.

How am I supposed to do a book thats giving advice to people when I have no qualifications?

The people who read it aren’t going to know me. They’re gonna think who the hell are you to tell me what to do.

So how can I come across as not patronising and as someone the readers can trust?

The way I was spinning it was explaining that I’ve been shit at dating and saying all the mistakes I’ve made. It’s kind of me saying look I’ve done this and that and this is the outcome I’ve got from it. I know that if you do this action or react this way then xyz will happen.

Also gonna say that I’ve been on various forums over the years and surveyed 100’s of men and women.

But does it still come across like I’m blowing my own trumpet?

I’m stuck now.

What is the book about? If it is about being shit at dating then you need to show you now are good at dating to show success if it is purely an advice book. As if you can't show that it would be like somebody doing a book about weight loss but then being the same weight or bigger than they were when they first started, nobody is going to follow that persons advice.

If it is more of a comedic book were you poking fun at your terrible dating experiences then it doesn't matter too much how good or bad you are now lol

Shit. I haven’t had any opportunity to put my new skills into practice. It’s writing this book and really researching, having a penny drop moment back in July that made me take responsibility for my own failings, realising that everything people have been telling me for years was actually shit hot advice but it jut never stuck or sunk in before. Think I needed to hit the bottom, experience one more heartbreak to tip me over the edge and be like right, enough now. I haven’t got the success part down yet but there’s gonna be loads of other chapters. My failures is only a small section. "

As long as your not in any rush to finish the book you will have plenty of chances to have "Success" whatever that looks like for you, so wouldn't worry too much about it, as long as your putting in good advice and people that don't have any sort of loyalty to you (meaning they wouldn't want to hurt your feelings) agree with it then that is all you need, just need to emphasise your research is the reason that you believe a certain way of doing things is the best or one of the best ways (if that makes sense lol).

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

Start off with a blog it’s far less time consuming .... build up from there get people to contribute and create a ‘book of relationship realities’ .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Make it funny make it relatable ....... make it a good title point fun at everything all the ‘make him love you by texting these four word’ gurus out there.

Life is far too serious .... "

Sorry, which are the four words?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't offer advice. Just talk about your experience and let the reader take on board your 'lessons'.

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By *ittle Girl LostWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness

Yes but that’s the point. I’m not telling people to do what I do. I’m telling people not to do what I do or have done.

Example, a guy you’ve been meeting doesn’t text you back, he reads your message but doesn’t reply.

I would send another message, then another, then another, all in gradual stages of me losing my shit. The result, the guy thinks you’re mental and you end up putting him off. So the message is don’t do what I do.

But you understand that telling someone not to do what you have done, is in fact telling them what to do!!!

I understand your point but I’m not gonna say do what I do or don’t do what I do. I’m just going to give the scenarios and how I’ve acted in certain ways and the outcome it got me.

The readers will have enough intelligence to form their own opinion based on the information I’ve given.

If someone thinks sending multiple abusive messages to someone is a good thing they can read my experience of doing that and then think hmmm I better not do that then. "

I would never form an opinion based on what someone ELSE has said or done, especially over something as subjective as communication on a swingers site!!!! Perhaps if you were talking about facts- I had a really sharp knife, I jabbed it into my hand, I bled a lot and got an infection and lost my hand

Compared to

I met someone, I really liked him, but I sent him loads of messages and that put him off

Waaaay to many variables- maybe he had lied in his messages to you, told you he was married but was actually single, told you he liked cuddling when he absolutely hated it- so you giving your experience is based on a house of cards,

But....

Like I say, I'm not your target audience, I dont read self help books.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'd be worried first off by how you even ask the question.

You're asking how you can "come across" as someone you can trust, rather than how you can BE someone you can trust.

I doubt you'll get anywhere if you have little confidence in even your own credentials. I'd go along with the other suggestions here that say you should think about changing the approach of the book to something more light-hearted."

Because they’re going to be reading something I’ve written not knowing me in person. My friends and family know I’m trustworthy but people reading something I’ve written aren’t going to have the time or opportunity to know me personally.

I need to introduce my work as something that’s worth reading. I don’t want to appear patronising. People don’t like having advice thrown at them so within a few lines I need people to be able to think, hmm yeah okay, she seems like she’s got something interesting to say. I want people to read my work like they’re listening to one of their friends giving them advice. I don’t want to make false promises or people to think I believe I have all the answers to everything, I don’t want to preach.

Just write my shit and if anything I’ve done resonates with someone they can read the (bad) result I had from it and then decide if they want to risk the same thing happening to them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness

Yes but that’s the point. I’m not telling people to do what I do. I’m telling people not to do what I do or have done.

Example, a guy you’ve been meeting doesn’t text you back, he reads your message but doesn’t reply.

I would send another message, then another, then another, all in gradual stages of me losing my shit. The result, the guy thinks you’re mental and you end up putting him off. So the message is don’t do what I do.

But you understand that telling someone not to do what you have done, is in fact telling them what to do!!!

I understand your point but I’m not gonna say do what I do or don’t do what I do. I’m just going to give the scenarios and how I’ve acted in certain ways and the outcome it got me.

The readers will have enough intelligence to form their own opinion based on the information I’ve given.

If someone thinks sending multiple abusive messages to someone is a good thing they can read my experience of doing that and then think hmmm I better not do that then.

I would never form an opinion based on what someone ELSE has said or done, especially over something as subjective as communication on a swingers site!!!! Perhaps if you were talking about facts- I had a really sharp knife, I jabbed it into my hand, I bled a lot and got an infection and lost my hand

Compared to

I met someone, I really liked him, but I sent him loads of messages and that put him off

Waaaay to many variables- maybe he had lied in his messages to you, told you he was married but was actually single, told you he liked cuddling when he absolutely hated it- so you giving your experience is based on a house of cards,

But....

Like I say, I'm not your target audience, I dont read self help books. "

It isn’t about communication on a swingers site.

It’s dating in the real world if you’re an over thinker.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South


"Make it funny make it relatable ....... make it a good title point fun at everything all the ‘make him love you by texting these four word’ gurus out there.

Life is far too serious ....

Sorry, which are the four words?"

I will support you ... now do you love me?

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

I have found some of your story’s of things that have happened to you in the past amusing so I would go more with that .I can only speak for myself but I do prefer to read books that have humour rather than stuffy books.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have found some of your story’s of things that have happened to you in the past amusing so I would go more with that .I can only speak for myself but I do prefer to read books that have humour rather than stuffy books."

I’ll be putting some of my funny stories and experiences in to keep it light hearted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Make it funny make it relatable ....... make it a good title point fun at everything all the ‘make him love you by texting these four word’ gurus out there.

Life is far too serious ....

Sorry, which are the four words?

I will support you ... now do you love me? "

It sounds like a made up sentence but inputs an incredible amount of confidence and the fact that you have someone ready to defend you is like an Excalibur. Like feel free to run baby. Lol

To answer your question, if I fancied you in the beginning this is just like buying me

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

Rather than as an advice book “do this, don’t do that”, phrase it around “this is what I’ve done, what has and hasn’t worked for me”... guide rather than dictate...

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Trust in meee.....just in mere

Close your eyes ...and Trust in me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Trust in meee.....just in mere

Close your eyes ...and Trust in me "

Oh don’t. My daughter has the 6 foot snake of him and she pops up with it from behind the sofa and sings that to me. Shit myself every time.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow


"Yeah definitely have spun the intro by specifically stating I’m not qualified to tell anyone what to do, and I’ve said I can only tell you what I’ve done and how I’ve handled situations.

I’ve also said that I’ve used forums for years and when I’ve needed advice or answers to questions I’ve surveyed 100’s of men and women to get as many opinions as possible. "

However you market it you should definitely call it Fabily Fortunes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How am I supposed to do a book thats giving advice to people when I have no qualifications?"

You don't!

I'm a writer by profession, so let me give you an insight. For certain subjects, non-fiction essentially, you are going to have to have some qualification or experience to back up your writing. In previous threads you've touched on subjects which are very specialised and require a huge degree of understanding which will only come about from years of in-depth study and learning.

Without that qualification and experience to support your writing, the difficulty in finding a published is multiplied greatly, possibly to the point of being impossible.

Of course, you could self-publish. But don't expect to get a return on your investment in time or money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't read self help books so I can't help there but have you thought about starting an Instagram page before you publish?

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By *xhibitionistbenMan
over a year ago

Ware / Kings Cross

I think being clear that what you’re writing is based on your experiences, and that it may not be the same for everyone is the way to go. It may not work for everyone, but I’d rather hear from someone with experience than a qualification.

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By *addyBabygirl2020Couple
over a year ago

norwich

don't right it as any kind of guide trying to get others to trust you.

Simply write it as a log of your own personal experiences and understanding. Let others take what learning they want from it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How am I supposed to do a book thats giving advice to people when I have no qualifications?

You don't!

I'm a writer by profession, so let me give you an insight. For certain subjects, non-fiction essentially, you are going to have to have some qualification or experience to back up your writing. In previous threads you've touched on subjects which are very specialised and require a huge degree of understanding which will only come about from years of in-depth study and learning.

Without that qualification and experience to support your writing, the difficulty in finding a published is multiplied greatly, possibly to the point of being impossible.

Of course, you could self-publish. But don't expect to get a return on your investment in time or money."

Why not self publish? First edition of 50 shades of shit was self published, print on demand and she sold million of copies.

Even if I just sold one copy but that one copy helped someone avoid having their heart broken ever again then the time I’ve invested wouldn’t be a waste.

I don’t think a publishing house would pick it up, I don’t want to be paid a fee upfront. It isn’t about money. I’ll just write my shit and if anyone wants to buy it they can.

What do you advise with regards to self publishing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What do you advise with regards to self publishing?"

Firstly, let me explain why I'm appearing down on self publishing.

There are lots of ways of "self publishing" and the term is quite vague. In essence, it's a book marketed without using a publisher. So understand what the publisher does.

A publisher will only take on a book if it's something they think they can sell, that they have a market for. (I once had a book declined because that publishing house already had a similar book on the subject in progress) They will take your text, and have editors and subject matter experts proof the text and turn what you write into something they can sell. They will triple check everything, including the legal implications of any advice or information offered, and ensure everything is legal, correct and above board. They will also ensure any sources are correct, and can withstand scrutiny. Oh, and that what you write is original. Then they will actually make the books, secure distribution, get it on the shelves of retailers and... spend a lot of money marketing it.

So how does self-publishing compare? Well, you have to do all that yourself, and that takes time, money and effort. You can use companies that offer self publishing services, but again, that's just money to be paid. Also, what you get will vary between service providers. Or, just write your text and create an ePub file and stick it up on Amazon and wait.

Plan your book. Know what you want to say, choose your voice, and understand your audience.

The biggest alarm bell ringing for me is that you are asking a lot of questions about peoples experiences and understandings, rather than working from your own skills, qualifications and experiences.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

You can’t make someone trust you.

Just make the back page hilarious. Folk will read that and if it’s good, buy it.

Also do this for the first page and the last page of the book.

Doesn’t really matter about the rest of the book once you’ve reeled folk in. Unless you want to do a follow up book.

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By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...

As others have said, self help books and other non fiction books are often written by 'experts' and it's the kudos of who has written it that gets the book to sell.

Your book sounds more to me like the book version of the film how to lose a guy in 10 days. If you focus on, I'm just a normal person and this is what worked / didn't work for me then people will trust you because you aren't pretending to be something you aren't (an expert)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The type of book you're writing will be read by people who want to believe what you're saying and have their own beliefs reinforced. They will seek the book out because they identify with what you've written about and are looking to resolve certain issues You have to make them want to be like you, tell them where you started and how by learning from experience and talking to other people how you ended up where you are now. I don't think you will have problems getting people to trust what you've written because they will actively want to before they start reading.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think the only way you are going to get the reader to "trust" you is by showing youve taken the advice and turned your love life around

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"By not actually telling people what to do.

It's your experience, your version of life as you have seen and lived it.

It's advice, not an order."

This is spot on - maybe don't make it a self-help book geared at advice for others make it a self-help book aimed at the person that wrote it, show that you trust yourself enough to have made changes based on what you have learned, and how those changes have made things better for YOU - giving clear, *objective* examples of how they have done so - if you can't do that then you'll never gain the trust and validation you seek, and will never get more than a handful of readers.

Maybe even make it semi-autobiographical.

I actually like the suggestion that someone made of writing it as a blog, you can build an audience that way, as well as trust, then once you have a certain amount of followers consider publishing it as a book if interest allows.

My fear, and I mean this kindly, is that you have an idealistic idea in your head of how this will work that is a little removed from reality, and are setting yourself up for disappointment when, with a slightly different approach you can garner interest and shape things a little more to something that might work.

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By *ang bang bangity bangCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. - Jean Giraudoux

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness

Yes but that’s the point. I’m not telling people to do what I do. I’m telling people not to do what I do or have done.

Example, a guy you’ve been meeting doesn’t text you back, he reads your message but doesn’t reply.

I would send another message, then another, then another, all in gradual stages of me losing my shit. The result, the guy thinks you’re mental and you end up putting him off. So the message is don’t do what I do.

But you understand that telling someone not to do what you have done, is in fact telling them what to do!!!

I understand your point but I’m not gonna say do what I do or don’t do what I do. I’m just going to give the scenarios and how I’ve acted in certain ways and the outcome it got me.

The readers will have enough intelligence to form their own opinion based on the information I’ve given.

If someone thinks sending multiple abusive messages to someone is a good thing they can read my experience of doing that and then think hmmm I better not do that then.

I would never form an opinion based on what someone ELSE has said or done, especially over something as subjective as communication on a swingers site!!!! Perhaps if you were talking about facts- I had a really sharp knife, I jabbed it into my hand, I bled a lot and got an infection and lost my hand

Compared to

I met someone, I really liked him, but I sent him loads of messages and that put him off

Waaaay to many variables- maybe he had lied in his messages to you, told you he was married but was actually single, told you he liked cuddling when he absolutely hated it- so you giving your experience is based on a house of cards,

But....

Like I say, I'm not your target audience, I dont read self help books.

It isn’t about communication on a swingers site.

It’s dating in the real world if you’re an over thinker. "

I keep this book! Can't wait to read it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why would people follow any advice they are given from anyone? Do people check their friend's qualifications before they ask for help?

I agree with this, sorry

But you describing or recalling how you dealt with something is totally irrelevant to me, because im different to you. You may be scared of spiders, I may not be, so how we deal with them is totally different

But then I'm probably not your target market in fairness

Yes but that’s the point. I’m not telling people to do what I do. I’m telling people not to do what I do or have done.

Example, a guy you’ve been meeting doesn’t text you back, he reads your message but doesn’t reply.

I would send another message, then another, then another, all in gradual stages of me losing my shit. The result, the guy thinks you’re mental and you end up putting him off. So the message is don’t do what I do.

But you understand that telling someone not to do what you have done, is in fact telling them what to do!!!

I understand your point but I’m not gonna say do what I do or don’t do what I do. I’m just going to give the scenarios and how I’ve acted in certain ways and the outcome it got me.

The readers will have enough intelligence to form their own opinion based on the information I’ve given.

If someone thinks sending multiple abusive messages to someone is a good thing they can read my experience of doing that and then think hmmm I better not do that then.

I would never form an opinion based on what someone ELSE has said or done, especially over something as subjective as communication on a swingers site!!!! Perhaps if you were talking about facts- I had a really sharp knife, I jabbed it into my hand, I bled a lot and got an infection and lost my hand

Compared to

I met someone, I really liked him, but I sent him loads of messages and that put him off

Waaaay to many variables- maybe he had lied in his messages to you, told you he was married but was actually single, told you he liked cuddling when he absolutely hated it- so you giving your experience is based on a house of cards,

But....

Like I say, I'm not your target audience, I dont read self help books.

It isn’t about communication on a swingers site.

It’s dating in the real world if you’re an over thinker.

I keep this book! Can't wait to read it "

*need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can’t make someone trust you.

Just make the back page hilarious. Folk will read that and if it’s good, buy it.

Also do this for the first page and the last page of the book.

Doesn’t really matter about the rest of the book once you’ve reeled folk in. Unless you want to do a follow up book.

"

Put your 'tongue up the bumhole' desires on the back page OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Write it as a diary, with advice to yourself, humor and all that jazz.

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By *amanthaJonesTrans1966TV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Be yourself, be honest and truthful, that's it, it's up to the reader if they believe what you have said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like the disclaimers and explanations might well exceed the contents of the book.

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