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Self isolating

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By *xhib12 OP   Man
over a year ago

Blyth

As if lockdown and being furloughed again wasn't bad enough, I was told a few days ago by the nhs that I've been in contact with someone who has tested positive so I must self isolate for two weeks.

I'm getting stir crazy and a little bored now so could do with some cheering up. A few good jokes would be good. Filling my inbox with nudes would be better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I posted these yesterday for someone who needed cheering up, happy to share again:

I bet the guy who designed thongs is a bit up his own ass.

I have mixed race parents. My Dad prefers the 100 metres, my Mum the 1500.

I was raised by my Dad. My Mum left before I was born.

I liked being raised by my Dad. He's schizophrenic, but he's good people.

He used to take me to the park and I remember thinking to myself "why does a frisbee appear larger the closest it gets?" And then it hit me.

My Dad took me fishing once. I remember swimming back to shore thinking "my Dad doesn't like me very much"

When I was 9 I felt so insecure and thought I was adopted. I sat my parents down and asked them if I was. My Dad replied "Ohi ching shay wang ho"

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Bro hugs mate

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By *iAbbyTV/TS
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"As if lockdown and being furloughed again wasn't bad enough, I was told a few days ago by the nhs that I've been in contact with someone who has tested positive so I must self isolate for two weeks.

I'm getting stir crazy and a little bored now so could do with some cheering up. A few good jokes would be good. Filling my inbox with nudes would be better "

If there's anything I can do just say

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By *iAbbyTV/TS
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

It might be worth ordering a fleshlight

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By *xhib12 OP   Man
over a year ago

Blyth


"I posted these yesterday for someone who needed cheering up, happy to share again:

I bet the guy who designed thongs is a bit up his own ass.

I have mixed race parents. My Dad prefers the 100 metres, my Mum the 1500.

I was raised by my Dad. My Mum left before I was born.

I liked being raised by my Dad. He's schizophrenic, but he's good people.

He used to take me to the park and I remember thinking to myself "why does a frisbee appear larger the closest it gets?" And then it hit me.

My Dad took me fishing once. I remember swimming back to shore thinking "my Dad doesn't like me very much"

When I was 9 I felt so insecure and thought I was adopted. I sat my parents down and asked them if I was. My Dad replied "Ohi ching shay wang ho"

"

Thanks for that. Heard a few of them before but still had a chuckle

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By *xhib12 OP   Man
over a year ago

Blyth


"It might be worth ordering a fleshlight"

Already have one

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By *hePolyMathMan
over a year ago

Walton on Thames

Hope time passes quickly for you and your box runneth over with Noods.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

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By *hePolyMathMan
over a year ago

Walton on Thames

[Removed by poster at 22/11/20 10:07:04]

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By *hePolyMathMan
over a year ago

Walton on Thames

Man is being arrested by female police officer : "anything you say will be held against you "

Man" "Boobs!"

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By *dward_TeagueMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

It’s said that 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese, which means that in my family one of us is Chinese. It’s not me, its’s not my brother Martin or sisters Martha and Vicky. I think it must be my other sister Jun Ling Lao

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By *xhib12 OP   Man
over a year ago

Blyth


"Hope time passes quickly for you and your box runneth over with Noods.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Me too. Cheers

"

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By *iAbbyTV/TS
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"It might be worth ordering a fleshlight

Already have one "

Is it any good?

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By *xhib12 OP   Man
over a year ago

Blyth


"It might be worth ordering a fleshlight

Already have one

Is it any good?"

It's ok for a change every now and then. I wouldn't rave about it though.

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