FabSwingers.com forum: Standards of Behaviour......

By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Does being on a Swingers change your usual social behaviour ?

Does being on an ONLINE Swingers site change your usual swinging behaviour?

Do you think the way others advertise themselves and the manner in which they approach others shows their attitude toward / a misunderstanding of swinging?

Are the levels of respect and manners shown here - by anyone - acceptable to you ?

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

No difference

Always been a fuckwit

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"No difference

Always been a fuckwit

Quite...

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Had more or less the same discussion yesterday with someone

My manners and respect for people are always the same regardless but ive seen behaviour that makes me cringe sometimes and it seems that because its swinging its ok?

Well no it ain't ok at all

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By *uyuksno1Man
over a year ago

poole

"Had more or less the same discussion yesterday with someone

My manners and respect for people are always the same regardless but ive seen behaviour that makes me cringe sometimes and it seems that because its swinging its ok?

Well no it ain't ok at all "

we second that

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

I treat everyone with respect

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I was brought up to respect all women and that stemmed from being brought up by a single mum and sister... and I have always done so 100%.

Swinging introduced me to chat rooms and forums and in the very early days I continued to do so. However, sadly that has changed over the years.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Had more or less the same discussion yesterday with someone

My manners and respect for people are always the same regardless but ive seen behaviour that makes me cringe sometimes and it seems that because its swinging its ok?

Well no it ain't ok at all "

Thanks for that.

Is it because it's swinging or because it's online do you think ?

I feel that everything is becoming confused e.g. bouncing of porn sites, into swinging sites, thinking it's all just sex...... the messages I get would make Satan puke sometimes. Believe me im not a prude but i'm not so desparate to appear 'cool' that I'll let things pass.

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

A1) No

A2) No

A3) What other people do is completely up to them

A4) In general, yes. For those who are not - I just keep clear.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I was brought up to respect all women and that stemmed from being brought up by a single mum and sister... and I have always done so 100%.

Swinging introduced me to chat rooms and forums and in the very early days I continued to do so. However, sadly that has changed over the years.

And men surely View ?

I find you nothing but respectful. Even in the throws of a 'hissy' x

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"A1) No

A2) No

A3) What other people do is completely up to them

A4) In general, yes. For those who are not - I just keep clear.

To your A3 - It's precisely that attitude that is causing the rot. What others do affects ME and YOU. Turning a blind eye and saying 'Each to their own' just condones piss poor behaviour.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I was brought up to respect all women and that stemmed from being brought up by a single mum and sister... and I have always done so 100%.

Swinging introduced me to chat rooms and forums and in the very early days I continued to do so. However, sadly that has changed over the years.

And men surely View ?

I find you nothing but respectful. Even in the throws of a 'hissy' x "

Sorry I did mean throes..... punish me , punish me !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with honeypot, the attitude of some of the people on here is a bit ott and offputting to new people on the scene.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I was brought up to respect all women and that stemmed from being brought up by a single mum and sister... and I have always done so 100%.

Swinging introduced me to chat rooms and forums and in the very early days I continued to do so. However, sadly that has changed over the years.

And men surely View ?

I find you nothing but respectful. Even in the throws of a 'hissy' x "

for sure Granny, my school days very quickly gave me an understanding of boys/men and their drivers...

In business, my preference was always to be managed by a woman and I have incredible role models and their leadership will remain with me always.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I think the online behaviour of some can be rather questionable, even when not downright disrespectful. The anonymity of the internet and the 'norms' of other sites all lead to this general deterioration of basic manners.

I don't believe that these people would behave in the same way face to face, but I only have my experience at clubs to base this on as I don't ever arrange to meet the tosspots.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Is it in the messages you get? If it is .......what is it that makes them speak in that way ?

How can we change it ?

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Yes it has changed my usual social behaviour.

I keep track of who is looking at me and if I notice they have looked more than once I either send them a wink or write them a little message saying "I noticed you have been looking, why not come and say hi. I don't bite ... unless you ask nicely"

This has resulted in a number of security gaurds removing me from shops around the city center and a 2 year ban from Marks and Sparks.

Apparently refusing to give your real name and address until you have their mobile number and had a social meet is not seen as a safe precaution at a job inter_iew.

I have become more aware of how many timewasters there are in day to day life. Starbucks for example... I'm asked if I prefer a large one, they seem disinterested in the distance between my vulva and cervix, and then stop talking to me. Why ask if you are just going to ignore people when they reply? FFS!

And people in day to day life are just as bad at taking shortcuts and handling rejection badly. I was in B&Q looking at powertools and this guy walked up and asked "what are you looking for". I replied "read my fucking profile". He stormed off with the right hump and reported me, so that's another shop I can't go in.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Yes it has changed my usual social behaviour.

This has resulted in a number of security gaurds removing me from shops around the city center and a 2 year ban from Marks and Sparks.

Apparently refusing to give your real name and address until you have their mobile number and had a social meet is not seen as a safe precaution at a job inter_iew.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Had more or less the same discussion yesterday with someone

My manners and respect for people are always the same regardless but ive seen behaviour that makes me cringe sometimes and it seems that because its swinging its ok?

Well no it ain't ok at all

Thanks for that.

Is it because it's swinging or because it's online do you think ?

Granny online it does'nt really bother me too much its easy to ignore the arseholes that get lost in the fantasy of thinking that we're all nympho porn stars that want to gag on every cock thats thrown at them at anytime of the day

What I don't like is when in real life at parties or clubs some people think they have the right to behave in a certain manner that to me is totally disrespectful and rude just because its a swingers venue,it makes me grind my teeth and thats bad for my teeth!

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I hear your angst Polo ....

Have you tried saying.. Read my fucking profile PLEASE?

It's all about manners after all.

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

This is not swinging as we know it! Unlike some, we do care about what others do and say. Swingers have had enough of a bad press over the years, what we don't need is more!

I know I do say things on the forum that others don't like, but the way I see it is that anyone looking in from outside, tar us all with the same brush. I try to ignore, but there are things I just don't want to be lumped in with...

As some may realise, cheaters are my pet hate! No good saying each to their own, outsiders don't differentiate between us. I don't want to be tarred with that brush.

Most people are polite enough, but as I am sure others have found and Granny has said, some think that it is ok to type almost anything. We have had dome really filthy stuff!

Sorry, but we may be swingers, but we still have morals and standards!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had to ask on a couple of occasions that the person I've met for coffee or a social drink keep their voice down. I know I'm a swinger, but I don't want the rest of Costa Coffee knowing as well. I find that a bit cringeworthy. Chemistry flows when voices are hushed a little and I find it much more exciting to exchange looks rather than have someone regailing me with swinging stories in my lunch hour in a booming voice

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Polo.......get a personal shopper

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Is it in the messages you get? If it is .......what is it that makes them speak in that way ?

How can we change it ?"

I do respond to some and tell them how they could be more successful if they changed their messages. I send a polite no thanks, most of the time. I thank people for taking the time to message me. But not always. Some days I do not have the will to cope with the rudeness that comes back to me.

I also don't use the 'lol' etc, although I will use the smileys on the forum. And I am often blunt and some see this as rudeness, because I haven't softened my response with an absolutely meaningless (to me) lol or xx.

The best example is the married man who sent me a tirade telling me that at 47, single and fat I should be grateful that he was offering to meet me at all. His opening gambit was only marginally better.

Those that have the wit to learn the real value of good manners get it, those that don't or won't can't be changed. What I can do is manage my behaviour and responses.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

actually... its an interesting _iew where you get people saying "its a sex site not facebook" where the two probably have a lot more in commom (the sence of some sort of community) than people realise....

for me.. I look at a swinging site as closer to the social networking aspect... than I probably do to the Full on porn sites/Sex sites and the AFF's of this world

and I know that a lot of people will agree... and a lot will disagree

but I suppose it depends on which direction you have approached the site from that would influence the way you look at it....

do I think there are a fair few people who have a complete misunderstanding for what swinging is... absolutely!! but then again that is going to reflect of how you _iewed swinging to be in the first place...

that has changed a bit in the time I have been here....

came initally for the sex, stayed for the social and the commumity!!!

has swinging changed my social behaviour... not in the slightest...and it won't do because mine were in place way before I discovered here..... but to people who come at it from the sex site side... their behaviour may well have been different from my from the onset... and I will always look at some and cringe thinking "WTF!!", just as the would look at mine and think "why the bejesus is he spending time doing that and not just getting on with it!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it possibly has more to do with general online behavior than just swinging. Some feel 'empowered' by the percieved anonymity of the keyboard.

In my opinion the Internet doesn't actually create the poor standards of behavior, it simply frees it.

I do think it's a minority, but sadly unchecked it may become more of a norm.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I know...... you could get some blokes standing round stark bollock naked.

Fugg it.... I KNEW i'd slip up ......

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Does being on a Swingers change your usual social behaviour ?

Does being on an ONLINE Swingers site change your usual swinging behaviour?

Do you think the way others advertise themselves and the manner in which they approach others shows their attitude toward / a misunderstanding of swinging?

Are the levels of respect and manners shown here - by anyone - acceptable to you ?"

Hope not as we were brought up a certain way, where good manners, decency etc are how you conduct yourself. Recognising we all err now and then of course..

It has evolved since putting pen to paper and enclosing a picture was one way of meeting, clearly it has with the net become 'easier' to contact. But your own core 'values/rules' should not change fundamentally because of that, having said that we all adapt as things progress..

Pretty obvious that there are a lot of people who dont and never will understand what its about, for them any woman on here is fair game and if she has the nerve to decline their 'oi giz a shag' approach then she deserves the abuse they follow up with (ungratefull, should be thankfull etc)..

Same as some will see a cpl's profile and assume they are doing them a favour as obviously if they are here as a cpl then the guy cant get it up!!!

Now and then we all slip with manners, be that because we are passionate about a subject and angry about others responses to that..

Some people will never understand what swinging is about, same as some will never grasp the concept that driving with 6 pints/ glasses of pinot grigio is not downright stupid..

Human nature...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As with anywhere ... there is an element of rudeness.

Just because it's swinging site doesn't excuse bad manners .. infact manners are even more important to remember.

Don't understand it when the very first message you get from someone is OTT direct.

If someone walked up to me in a bar and was that direct I wouldn't give them time of day so why is it tolerated on here?

But at the same time there is a good core understanding on this site generally most will be nice people.

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

I have often looked at polo's profile

She have never winked me or come on to me in any way

I have no standards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cringe at the way the majority of men on sex sites make themselves out to be a all that or the man of a womans dreams when all they're doing is sucking up/brown nosing.

If a woman wanted a creature to look up to her or give her puppy-eyes, she'd by a dog.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to smile at anyone who changes their behaviour because they feel part of a group. I see lots of being true to yourself yet they change to fit in. Too many try too hard and its makes me cringe a little. Almost as much as the single men who try and knock other single men professing to be 'better than the crowd' yet these are the guys who won't take no for an answer when a woman utters it. Fair do's though it makes me grinning it and then rolling a pair of die to guess their IQ

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Does being on a Swingers change your usual social behaviour ?

Does being on an ONLINE Swingers site change your usual swinging behaviour?

Do you think the way others advertise themselves and the manner in which they approach others shows their attitude toward / a misunderstanding of swinging?

Are the levels of respect and manners shown here - by anyone - acceptable to you ?"

Some do yes.

Depends on how you mean, if in mails then we don't have a problem with the mails we recieve....most are polite and direct, just how we like them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does being on a Swingers change your usual social behaviour ?

Does being on an ONLINE Swingers site change your usual swinging behaviour?

Do you think the way others advertise themselves and the manner in which they approach others shows their attitude toward / a misunderstanding of swinging?

Are the levels of respect and manners shown here - by anyone - acceptable to you ?"

I wouldn't say it has affected my usual social behaviour, but it has made me rethink a few things about how sex is socially accepted and how people react to it...maybe even changed my _iewpoint to some extent.

I've only been swinging since the discovery of FAB so I don't know any other way to conduct it other than clubs really so I guess that's not really applicable to me...although I do think it being online does distort reality to some extent as people can say and do things they wouldn't normally do without too much of a backlash. It's much easier to delete a message than walk away from an aggressive person.

The way people advertise themselves show how they interpret swinging I guess...and previous forums have shown there are no hard and fast rules to what swinging is. To some, just being single means we can't be swingers (which may be true!), and to others soft swing isn't acceptable.

Most people on here do have respect and manners, those that don't tend to have deleted their profile within a month as they haven't managed to get a shag - the same people who maybe do have the wrong idea about swinging? x

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'd agree Goldi.. Most have manners. Most are decent.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Does being on a Swingers change your usual social behaviour ?

Does being on an ONLINE Swingers site change your usual swinging behaviour?

Do you think the way others advertise themselves and the manner in which they approach others shows their attitude toward / a misunderstanding of swinging?

Are the levels of respect and manners shown here - by anyone - acceptable to you ?

Some do yes.

Depends on how you mean, if in mails then we don't have a problem with the mails we recieve....most are polite and direct, just how we like them."

I like polite n direct too.

Every now and then there's one that makes me shudder.... can't think that these people would speak like that if they were with you face to face.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 10/07/12 17:28:32]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I like polite n direct too.

Every now and then there's one that makes me shudder.... can't think that these people would speak like that if they were with you face to face. "

I don't know about that, we have heard some pretty crude attempts at chatting up when we have been out so maybe it is the norm for some people .......which in turn means there will be some people who will like that approach, in real life plus on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I cringe at the way the majority of men on sex sites make themselves out to be a all that or the man of a womans dreams when all they're doing is sucking up/brown nosing.

If a woman wanted a creature to look up to her or give her puppy-eyes, she'd by a dog.

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry

always polite...

why would anyone want to meet someone thats rude..

only seems that blokes abuse the ladies... wonder why that is ?....

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

When I joined I had the attitude that every message deserved a reply except for the obscene and the offensive. I still feel that way and have a few stock phrases for no thank you. I am mostly polite, but I have noticed that I am more terse than I was, though that is generally with the ones who send one word messages or the like.

In clubs I have come up against the "it's a cock and you're a swinger so fuck me" attitude and generally try to extricate myself with a no thank you.

The 'handsy' guys get short shrift, but rarely out and out temper.

I hope I am not rude, but I'd really need someone elses _iew of me to know...

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I was brought up to respect all women and that stemmed from being brought up by a single mum and sister... and I have always done so 100%.

Swinging introduced me to chat rooms and forums and in the very early days I continued to do so. However, sadly that has changed over the years.

And men surely View ?

I find you nothing but respectful. Even in the throws of a 'hissy' x "

Seconded

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