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Its not what you said but how you said it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Would you still be able to accept a negative concept if it was presented better? Ive noticed lately more folk will/can get upset about a comment or idea and its deemed their own fault theyve gotten upset but surely some of the responsibility for the upset lays with the ‘presenter’.

There many different examples of this but i’ll just present one for context: im often told i have a loud laugh. My one friend Betty will say ‘gosh you have an interesting laugh’, my other friend Daisy will say ‘ffs your laugh is loud and annoying’. I know Daisy is right but i prefer Bettys delivery. Both are correct but i dont feel so embarrassed by Betty where as Daisy makes me feel uncomfortable. When i say to Daisy your comments make me feel embarrassed I am expected to just get on with it.

The case im trying to plead is there is nothing wrong with telling a person to truth but what happened to doing it with kindness, tact and respect? Meh maybe ive got rose tinted snowflake glasses on and the world really isnt like that. What say you fab people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe Betty really does think you have a interesting laugh with no negative connotations?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The case im trying to plead is there is nothing wrong with telling a person to truth but what happened to doing it with kindness, tact and respect?"

You're walking a semantic tightrope!

I agree that bad news can and where possible should be delivered kindly, but the truth has to be visible within the kindness. This is where ambiguity is not your friend.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It's the tone and context that's important I think. I think both Betty and Daisy should have kept their mouth shut. They laugh like hyenas themselves

It's always easier to swallow a bigger pill if it's sugar coated even if both pills have the same effect.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*bitter pill

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By *umstibleMan
over a year ago

Colindale


"Maybe Betty really does think you have a interesting laugh with no negative connotations?"

I was thinking this exact same thing lol

Truth be told, I'd rather my friends be brutally honest with me. I hate people tip toeing around people they care about. Then again, critiquing someones laugh may not be necessary at all, but if it were a bad habit, for example smoking or lying etc etc I'd want my friends, the ones who truly care for me to deliver that with honesty, embarrass me out of that habit, so long as they are doing it with good intentions.

However there is another fine line here, some 'frenemies' may use brutal honesty to bully you rather mean any positive impact. This is completely down to you to sus out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would you still be able to accept a negative concept if it was presented better? Ive noticed lately more folk will/can get upset about a comment or idea and its deemed their own fault theyve gotten upset but surely some of the responsibility for the upset lays with the ‘presenter’.

There many different examples of this but i’ll just present one for context: im often told i have a loud laugh. My one friend Betty will say ‘gosh you have an interesting laugh’, my other friend Daisy will say ‘ffs your laugh is loud and annoying’. I know Daisy is right but i prefer Bettys delivery. Both are correct but i dont feel so embarrassed by Betty where as Daisy makes me feel uncomfortable. When i say to Daisy your comments make me feel embarrassed I am expected to just get on with it.

The case im trying to plead is there is nothing wrong with telling a person to truth but what happened to doing it with kindness, tact and respect? Meh maybe ive got rose tinted snowflake glasses on and the world really isnt like that. What say you fab people? "

Who says you should just get on with it re: Daisy's comment? You are entitled to feel how you feel. Smile, while inwardly thinking "oh shut up, man!"

One person's kindness and tact is another person's rudeness. I'm pissed off at people I used to be friends with, for reasons that other people have told me are stupid. They were Betty... but I don't care, they can fuck off.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I'm blunt, and I prefer people to be direct with me...in fact, I get irritated when people are skirting round an issue and being ambiguous.

I've been accused many times of being bitchy, harsh, or even downright nasty...I'm really not, I just like to be upfront and honest, especially when something could be taken to mean different things. I think it makes for a worse situation when someone takes what you've said differently to how you meant it, and you've then got to say "actually, I meant...", especially if it's something negative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm blunt, and I prefer people to be direct with me...in fact, I get irritated when people are skirting round an issue and being ambiguous.

I've been accused many times of being bitchy, harsh, or even downright nasty...I'm really not, I just like to be upfront and honest, especially when something could be taken to mean different things. I think it makes for a worse situation when someone takes what you've said differently to how you meant it, and you've then got to say "actually, I meant...", especially if it's something negative. "

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