FabSwingers.com forum: Water off a ducks back

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If someone says something about you that you don't agree with, can you just let it go?

Do you react to gossip or ignore it knowing they have no idea what they are talking about?

Flip that on its head,

What if someone points something out about you that could very well be true but you don't want to see it?

Do you react/sulk/ignore or have a real think about what they've said and reflect upon it?

Does it depend who said it?

Can you go back to that person and admit they were right?

*I know it's a lot of questions

I'm in a musing/nosey mood

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Nothing bothers me.... literally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stopped caring along time ago about what people think of me.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

A lot woukd depend on who they are. Do I think their perception of me is accurate and measured? What factors could have played a part in their perception if it's different to my version/intention?

And now I've forgotten the rest of the questions.

Gossip doesn't really bother me unless it's something that could impact my life or a relationship. I can be curious as to where it came from originally and why.

There's plenty of talk that goes on and knife in the back stuff. I've stabbed a few, not in the back tho... I tend to go for the jugular when they can see me coming.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

No. Gossip never bothers me, provides the occasional laugh though when the Chinese whispers get crazy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn’t give a flying fuck what strangers think of me but friends? Yes I do and I would try my best to be as honest as possible with them by considering what they say and then coming back with an appropriate response. If they’re right, I’d admit it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A lot woukd depend on who they are. Do I think their perception of me is accurate and measured? What factors could have played a part in their perception if it's different to my version/intention?

And now I've forgotten the rest of the questions.

Gossip doesn't really bother me unless it's something that could impact my life or a relationship. I can be curious as to where it came from originally and why.

There's plenty of talk that goes on and knife in the back stuff. I've stabbed a few, not in the back tho... I tend to go for the jugular when they can see me coming.

Haha! I started typing and thought of more, when I stopped I realised it was a lot

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

I don’t let it bother me.

There are people who say cruel or unkind things about someone to make themselves look better.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Pointing stuff out to me that may be true, I welcome that.

That kind of thing is normally from unhealed wounds, and I've found it's those that recognise the behaviours from within themselves and have healed or are in the process of healing that spot things. That comes from of place of wanting to help, letting you know you aren't alone etc.

I really don't mind that at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No. Gossip never bothers me, provides the occasional laugh though when the Chinese whispers get crazy

Doesn't it just

Although I have a theory on gossip. A quote from Instagram,

"If you listen to the whispers, you're helping to hold the knife"

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I enjoy learning things about myself that allow me to grow as a person, such as learning styles and Johari windows, but rarely care what anyone thinks of me unless I find it funny.

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

"No. Gossip never bothers me, provides the occasional laugh though when the Chinese whispers get crazy

Doesn't it just

Although I have a theory on gossip. A quote from Instagram,

"If you listen to the whispers, you're helping to hold the knife" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about it and then plot revenge!

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

My reasoning is this , if they’re talking about me , they’re leaving someone else alone

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I find it easy to get over what strangers say, unless it hits home and then I might bristle a little. But when people who are meant to be friends say things behind my back, or stab me in the back, it really hurts. And I find it hard to get over that.

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By *adbod74Man
over a year ago

Dudley

Assumptions drive me potty, I was always brought up to say what's on my mind, speak the truth, correct the incorrect with positive facts.

If I'm in the wrong ill definalty hold my hand up and stand corrected.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Pointing stuff out to me that may be true, I welcome that.

I really don't mind that at all."

And this is also what I believe.

Aunty P is wise.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

It depends what was said and whether or not it has an effect on my life or that of those close to me.

If nobody elses is affected, I really do not care, if somebody including myself were negatively affected by the gossip (and I am assuming it was untrue gossip) I would challenge the person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m all for taking a look at myself and owning my bad if I’m called out by someone close like good friends.

But I’ve recently found out that instead of taking to me they chose to tell others instead, which was hurtful but a wake up call on who are real friends.

Myself though I’m the total opposite and I if I hear anything about one of my close friends I have to tell them

Those that gossip about others do this to mask there own wrong doing

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I couldn’t give a flying fuck what strangers think of me but friends? Yes I do and I would try my best to be as honest as possible with them by considering what they say and then coming back with an appropriate response. If they’re right, I’d admit it.

This.

The important thing to also consider is that there are 'friends' and friends. Over the years it's occasionally taken longer sometimes to distinguish which are which.

Likewise family. You can't choose them but you can choose which are important and whose opinions really matter and whose don't.

Total strangers can think whatever the fuck they like. If you don't worry about someone's opinion you never have to let it bother you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m all for taking a look at myself and owning my bad if I’m called out by someone close like good friends.

But I’ve recently found out that instead of taking to me they chose to tell others instead, which was hurtful but a wake up call on who are real friends.

Myself though I’m the total opposite and I if I hear anything about one of my close friends I have to tell them

Those that gossip about others do this to mask there own wrong doing "

It's actually thought that engaging in gossip can be a healthy thing to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone says something about you that you don't agree with, can you just let it go?

Do you react to gossip or ignore it knowing they have no idea what they are talking about?

Flip that on its head,

What if someone points something out about you that could very well be true but you don't want to see it?

Do you react/sulk/ignore or have a real think about what they've said and reflect upon it?

Does it depend who said it?

Can you go back to that person and admit they were right?

*I know it's a lot of questions

I'm in a musing/nosey mood

What about you OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone says something about you that you don't agree with, can you just let it go?

What if someone points something out about you that could very well be true but you don't want to see it? "

If someone says something hurtful it doesn't bother me.

But if I'm in the wrong and don't see it, I want people to tell me so I correct it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If someone says something about you that you don't agree with, can you just let it go?

Do you react to gossip or ignore it knowing they have no idea what they are talking about?

Flip that on its head,

What if someone points something out about you that could very well be true but you don't want to see it?

Do you react/sulk/ignore or have a real think about what they've said and reflect upon it?

Does it depend who said it?

Can you go back to that person and admit they were right?

*I know it's a lot of questions

I'm in a musing/nosey mood

What about you OP?

I agree with a lot that's been posted in terms of it really depends on who it is. I don't particularly care what random strangers think of me as long as I know I'm not hurting anyone and playing by the rules.

As for people I care about, I value their opinion. I may question it but that would be genuine curiosity as to why they said what they said, I'm I'm wrong I'll admit to it.

I really can't stand gossip but it gets to me more if it's someone I considered a friend and I will stand up for myself if I know people are talking or believing bullshit about me. My attitude has always been "get it from the horse's mouth" so if someone wants to know something about me they should ask the horse.

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I tend to go away and think about things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone says something about you that you don't agree with, can you just let it go?

Do you react to gossip or ignore it knowing they have no idea what they are talking about?

Flip that on its head,

What if someone points something out about you that could very well be true but you don't want to see it?

Do you react/sulk/ignore or have a real think about what they've said and reflect upon it?

Does it depend who said it?

Can you go back to that person and admit they were right?

*I know it's a lot of questions

I'm in a musing/nosey mood

What about you OP?

As for people I care about, I value their opinion. I may question it but that would be genuine curiosity as to why they said what they said, I'm I'm wrong I'll admit to it.

I agree about the horse's mouth. Unfortunately when people gossip they pretty much never tell the target person.

I've told a friend who I work with that people were gossiping about him because he had no idea and it was really shit because they were laughing at him behind his back. People who he thought were his friends. He was pissed off at me for telling him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t get a lot of stuff said to my face so it’s rare.

If it is someone I care about I pay attention and if warranted act on the feedback if I can. On occasion I can feel and have felt hurt by something they have said that I felt was unwarranted and/or picked at one of my ‘wounds’.

If it is someone really close then their feedback whatever it is, is important.

I try to detach from gossip and endeavour to steer clear whenever I can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone says something about you that you don't agree with, can you just let it go?

Do you react to gossip or ignore it knowing they have no idea what they are talking about?

Flip that on its head,

What if someone points something out about you that could very well be true but you don't want to see it?

Do you react/sulk/ignore or have a real think about what they've said and reflect upon it?

Does it depend who said it?

Can you go back to that person and admit they were right?

*I know it's a lot of questions

I'm in a musing/nosey mood

What about you OP?

As for people I care about, I value their opinion. I may question it but that would be genuine curiosity as to why they said what they said, I'm I'm wrong I'll admit to it.

I agree about the horse's mouth. Unfortunately when people gossip they pretty much never tell the target person.

Shooting the messenger is very common.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Lots of variables.

It depends.

I'm always open to learning and growing, but you have to consider the source and other factors.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If someone says something about you that you don't agree with, can you just let it go?

Do you react to gossip or ignore it knowing they have no idea what they are talking about?

Flip that on its head,

What if someone points something out about you that could very well be true but you don't want to see it?

Do you react/sulk/ignore or have a real think about what they've said and reflect upon it?

Does it depend who said it?

Can you go back to that person and admit they were right?

*I know it's a lot of questions

I'm in a musing/nosey mood

What about you OP?

As for people I care about, I value their opinion. I may question it but that would be genuine curiosity as to why they said what they said, I'm I'm wrong I'll admit to it.

I agree about the horse's mouth. Unfortunately when people gossip they pretty much never tell the target person.

Shooting the messenger is very common."

Agree Doc, it is. I would of done the same as you though Outsider.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you know yourself and know what you have and haven't done.Then the only thing that matters is the truth.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I call it healthy debate as long as you aren't being personal or name calling. If you can't debate your opinion without resorting to school yard antics, then you should query if you should be having the debate in the first instance.

Humans will always have differences of opinion, it's normal. One of my best mates is awesome for having debates with, we rarely agree on much but it's so stimulating to see differences of opinion and often I come away having learnt something and d*unk several bottles of wine.

Gossips and narrow minded people I tend to avoid. I personally find that kind of person a bit negative. I want to learn and I accept I'm not always right, but it comes down to respecting differences of opinion I guess

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Gossip doesn't interest me.

The opinion of randoms doesn't worry me unduly.

If it was someone I actually knew and cared about then I'd reflect and take it on board but argue my corner if I thought they were wrong.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

The only opinions of me that I am concerned with are that of my mum and that of my children and if I was in a relationship, a partner.

My mum is exceedingly blunt and not backwards in coming forwards if she thinks I am being a knob in some way. My kids let me know if I’m being harsh (in their eyes) and, on the flip side, amazing

which is the best thing to hear. And if I think they have a point then I take it on board and try to do better next time.

Other folk tend to have ulterior motives when they give you their unasked for and unwanted opinions. And it usually doesn’t come from a good place.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

If people are gossiping about me it is upsetting but I get over it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Strangers I couldnt give a rats arse for their opinion. Friends are different. I just try to be the best person I can be. If that isnt right then meh, I cant do owt else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say what you like about moi .. I’m Ray Charles to the bullshit .. however I’m an angel it has been known ...

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Gossip is throw away and I don't listen to it or spread it.

The opinions of strangers who don't know me in the slightest doesn't bother me either - although may give me pause for thought if I feel it's relevant, not because it's their opinion but because it's struck a chord somewhere.

The opinions of people that matter to me, or who actually do know me, then yes those I'll listen to - might not always agree with them, and may debate them back and forth if appropriate and come out of it admitting I was wrong. I certainly won't be throwing my toys out of the pram if someone is up front with me and would much rather someone felt or had the cojones to do so than just letting something fester, but then those in my life that matter to me know they can anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heavens let it go .

It's what you feel about yourself that counts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With me, it has a lot to do with tone and intent

If someone tells me nicely, no problems

If someone is being a snarky fucker, they're having it back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you know yourself and know what you have and haven't done.Then the only thing that matters is the truth."

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By *ratos1Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

So put of my recent relationship i did not realise how bad these traits were happening.

Because my exs biggest phobia was she could never ever hold her hands up and be sorry I ended up i was appolgising for things that wasn't even my fault... again you only realise these kind of things once you're out of a toxic situation.

Im all for taking things on the chin but as somebody mentioned above its about growing as a person and realising that it is never too late to learn new behaviors.

I've made the mistake of worrying about what others think, I've got to stop doing that as from a lyric I heard the other day it says "if you wear your heart on your sleeve then you'll bleed on your wrist".

Its all about learning to be a better person and its never too late to make change.

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