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Childhood shaping how you are as an adult.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

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By *ly-FoxMan
over a year ago

mobile

Wow. This is a bit Deep.....

Ill have to have a think about this one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooh, it does but warrants a deeper answer that takes some time to formulate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think my childhood had a huge impact on who I am ad an adult.

Lu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘The child is the father of the man’ Carl Jung

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Of course your childhood influences who you are as an adult.

Its not like you get a book or pass an exam at 18 to go from being a child to being grown up.

Your parents, your environment teaches you what is and isn't acceptable in society.

This is where the cliche “I don't want to act or treat my kids like my parents treated me”.

For my self, I spend money on things that I wanted as a child but never got. If I want something I get it, I don't have to wait for birthdays or Christmas.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Doesn’t have to be in too much detail.

Could someone finish this sentence please?

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and first experience of receiving love so if something......

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Yes be it good or bad.

I had a fucked up childhood.

It made me vow to be a good parent and husband.

Hopefully I have successfully done this however it has also left me with lifelong depression and a black cloud hanging over my head.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Has had a massive impact on the person I am as an adult. My father was abusive he beat me tormented me. It culinated in him pointing a loaded fire arm at me. When my mother finally left him he wanted custody of my sister but not me.

I went off the rails a bit after that. But I got myself back on track. It's made me determined to succeed in the things I want such as my career so I never have to depend on one individual.

But it's not all bad my second family as I call them, are amazing and they taught me how a family should behave. And they are what I base my family life with my kids on

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By *ly-FoxMan
over a year ago

mobile

Well, you really got me thinking on this one.

My childhood was strict. I was brought up in a religious household that meant I missed out on a lot of things that other kids my age were doing.

When my dad left, I was 16 and saw this as an opportunity to start doing the things I wanted. I rebelled a lot and got into trouble a lot too.

Although I'm not religious anymore, There are still things that make me stop and think from time to time as an adult, and there are a few moments in my childhood that make me wonder how different things would be now if they hadn't happened.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and first experience of receiving love so if something......"

Goes wrong for them they should remember that their first responsibility should be to their children and not put themselves before their children.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Doesn’t have to be in too much detail.

Could someone finish this sentence please?

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and first experience of receiving love so if something......"

Is going wrong in their life, they shouldn't take it out on their children

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

My parents weren’t great my childhood terrible. I’m forever running from the experience I had. I will carry that weight forever.

The older I get the more I come to terms with the experiences I had in that part of the world.

Glad I found my real mum and made peace though before she passed

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I had a pretty unpleasant Childhood. I was mixed race and also being deaf disabled so at school I pretty much got it in the neck from everyone whites and blacks. There was also a.false view I was gay so I got that as well.

At.home.my daf coukdnt accept the disability so I got a hard time from him.

So yeah its shaped me. I know racism exists no matter what your skin colour is. I also learnt to embrace my differences and to never accept people on surface value

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I had a pretty unpleasant Childhood. I was mixed race and also being deaf disabled so at school I pretty much got it in the neck from everyone whites and blacks. There was also a.false view I was gay so I got that as well.

At.home.my daf coukdnt accept the disability so I got a hard time from him.

So yeah its shaped me. I know racism exists no matter what your skin colour is. I also learnt to embrace my differences and to never accept people on surface value

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By *aul happyMan
over a year ago

tilgate crawley

if i could be half the man my father was,,,,,,,, and half as wise as my mother was ..... then i can say i had a great life

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By *ikkiHbiWoman
over a year ago

Cleethorpes

Well I was addicted to porn and used to perv on my neighbours out the back of the house as they never used to close their curtains #honestnotacreep

I was a slut in my teenage years so yea it does because I'm exactly the same now

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

My parents were kind and considerate...I hope I keep these traits

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

[Removed by poster at 19/11/20 10:47:04]

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By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport

Phillip Larkin said this better than anyone:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"My parents weren’t great my childhood terrible. I’m forever running from the experience I had. I will carry that weight forever.

The older I get the more I come to terms with the experiences I had in that part of the world.

Glad I found my real mum and made peace though before she passed "

I have found the opposite.

The older I get the more angry and bitter I am.

I think it's because I now realise how selfish they where as a parent and grandparent I struggle to understand how they did and acted as they did, I would never put my children through the same.

I struggled my entire life to cultivate a relationship with my mother and lockdown has helped by more regular phone calls and things where improving until she died suddenly 4weeks ago I feel like I have been robbed of a childhood and now an adult relationship with my mother.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

So many things from my childhood shaped me into the person I am today both for the better and the worse - there are some very specific things I can point to that had a huge impact on the type of person I am, I shan't and can't go into further detail both for personal reasons and because they potentially sail close to site rules.

In fact childhood is probably the most influential time of your life that informs the kind of person you become through experiences, education and a whole lot more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I listened to a podcast interview with keiran culkin and it stuck with me that he felt that by the time someone reaches their 30s, perhaps they should have found a way to let go of their childhood rather than be incapacitated by it

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

[Removed by poster at 19/11/20 10:53:01]

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please. "

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please. "

Ate you writing this book or are we?

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"My parents weren’t great my childhood terrible. I’m forever running from the experience I had. I will carry that weight forever.

The older I get the more I come to terms with the experiences I had in that part of the world.

Glad I found my real mum and made peace though before she passed

I have found the opposite.

The older I get the more angry and bitter I am.

I think it's because I now realise how selfish they where as a parent and grandparent I struggle to understand how they did and acted as they did, I would never put my children through the same.

I struggled my entire life to cultivate a relationship with my mother and lockdown has helped by more regular phone calls and things where improving until she died suddenly 4weeks ago I feel like I have been robbed of a childhood and now an adult relationship with my mother."

I found my Mum and attempted to build a bridge with her for about a year and she was cruelly snatched by Dementia and Alzheimer’s. This was coupled by her being in her home country so it was tough.

I don’t look back in bitterness but I carry the weight of what happened and that will never go.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?"

I'd hope that isn't the case, if it is that's very callous

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"My parents weren’t great my childhood terrible. I’m forever running from the experience I had. I will carry that weight forever.

The older I get the more I come to terms with the experiences I had in that part of the world.

Glad I found my real mum and made peace though before she passed

I have found the opposite.

The older I get the more angry and bitter I am.

I think it's because I now realise how selfish they where as a parent and grandparent I struggle to understand how they did and acted as they did, I would never put my children through the same.

I struggled my entire life to cultivate a relationship with my mother and lockdown has helped by more regular phone calls and things where improving until she died suddenly 4weeks ago I feel like I have been robbed of a childhood and now an adult relationship with my mother.

I found my Mum and attempted to build a bridge with her for about a year and she was cruelly snatched by Dementia and Alzheimer’s. This was coupled by her being in her home country so it was tough.

I don’t look back in bitterness but I carry the weight of what happened and that will never go. "

I know what you mean, it was my birthday yesterday and I spent the whole day crying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

"

Almost everything we have in our id, self awareness, emotional depth, etc... literally everything, get its foundation from childhood.

If people understood this fully, parenting would be different.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I listened to a podcast interview with keiran culkin and it stuck with me that he felt that by the time someone reaches their 30s, perhaps they should have found a way to let go of their childhood rather than be incapacitated by it "

I'm not incapacitated by it anymore, I went off the rails and I sorted myself out. But I would be lying if the experience doesn't still impact me. It just doesn't as frequently anymore

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"Doesn’t have to be in too much detail.

Could someone finish this sentence please?

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and first experience of receiving love so if something......"

I never had in my life mum and dad and family also

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"My parents weren’t great my childhood terrible. I’m forever running from the experience I had. I will carry that weight forever.

The older I get the more I come to terms with the experiences I had in that part of the world.

Glad I found my real mum and made peace though before she passed

I have found the opposite.

The older I get the more angry and bitter I am.

I think it's because I now realise how selfish they where as a parent and grandparent I struggle to understand how they did and acted as they did, I would never put my children through the same.

I struggled my entire life to cultivate a relationship with my mother and lockdown has helped by more regular phone calls and things where improving until she died suddenly 4weeks ago I feel like I have been robbed of a childhood and now an adult relationship with my mother.

I found my Mum and attempted to build a bridge with her for about a year and she was cruelly snatched by Dementia and Alzheimer’s. This was coupled by her being in her home country so it was tough.

I don’t look back in bitterness but I carry the weight of what happened and that will never go.

I know what you mean, it was my birthday yesterday and I spent the whole day crying."

It would be a lie to say it always gets easier and better as it’s not the same for everyone.

Hope it eases for you at this tough time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?"

I know what I want to say, it’s up there, just want a universal response rather than my own experience.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences, just the basic elements of emotions and behaviours.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please. "

It's an interesting topic, one I've spent a lot of time thinking about and sorting out in my own life.

But... you need to find your own authorial voice in order to write something that will carry a reader through. The forum won't give you that, you need to find your own. It also is very unlikely to give you enough insight or authoritative sources to be able to carry a book like you want to write.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"Doesn’t have to be in too much detail.

Could someone finish this sentence please?

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and first experience of receiving love so if something......

I never had in my life mum and dad and family also "

Have this impacted my life?

Yes defenitly , i always feel everything was taking away from me at age of 5 , living in orphanage for 16 years was my childhood, i can't say was bad or was good at my young age i couldn't understand what was happening arround me , apart from asking to myself what i have done wrong !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Dad was absent for much of my childhood and I was largely raised by women

As a result, I think I get on with women far better than I do with men and can hold my own in a group of women than some men would

Being the only bloke in an office of 20+ women, I need to be too

I think 10 years on The Forums has stood me in good stead on that front though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A huge impact and I’ve spent most of my adult life unpicking the conditioning to see which bits still serve me well and which ones no longer fit. However the foundation of my childhood are still cornerstones of who I am now. I have loved tracing my journey though life and noticing how childhood experiences shaped how I was and am now. How my values were shaped and how they have evolved and how understanding my history, turned the mystery of me into my story. I think biographical awareness is critical to how understanding how consciousness evolves and what we may be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I'd hope that isn't the case, if it is that's very callous"

At no point in my opening post did I ask everyone to spill their guts about their own personal experiences.

Just said “Childhood shaping as you are as an adult, how would you describe this and how much truth is in it”

Just basic things I want not people’s personal experiences.

Things like an absent father may present itself as someone having abandonment issues.

A man growing up with a strict father may present itself as someone who struggles to show emotions.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences. Just the basics, the action and the result.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I know what I want to say, it’s up there, just want a universal response rather than my own experience.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences, just the basic elements of emotions and behaviours. "

I get what you are saying Annie, but by thinking about childhood trauma/unhappiness you could be triggering them, especially when people are fragile due to current circumstances. Now if it's a thread and a discussion then the posters may benefit, but for a sentence for your book just comes across a bit wrong. Sure it wasn't intended as such but care I think must be taken when talking about such a delicate subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I'd hope that isn't the case, if it is that's very callous

At no point in my opening post did I ask everyone to spill their guts about their own personal experiences.

Just said “Childhood shaping as you are as an adult, how would you describe this and how much truth is in it”

Just basic things I want not people’s personal experiences.

Things like an absent father may present itself as someone having abandonment issues.

A man growing up with a strict father may present itself as someone who struggles to show emotions.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences. Just the basics, the action and the result. "

Will you credit the fab forum lounge upon printing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I know what I want to say, it’s up there, just want a universal response rather than my own experience.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences, just the basic elements of emotions and behaviours.

I get what you are saying Annie, but by thinking about childhood trauma/unhappiness you could be triggering them, especially when people are fragile due to current circumstances. Now if it's a thread and a discussion then the posters may benefit, but for a sentence for your book just comes across a bit wrong. Sure it wasn't intended as such but care I think must be taken when talking about such a delicate subject. "

If people get triggered by their childhood they would probably avoid a thread that has ‘childhood’ in the title.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I'd hope that isn't the case, if it is that's very callous

At no point in my opening post did I ask everyone to spill their guts about their own personal experiences.

Just said “Childhood shaping as you are as an adult, how would you describe this and how much truth is in it”

Just basic things I want not people’s personal experiences.

Things like an absent father may present itself as someone having abandonment issues.

A man growing up with a strict father may present itself as someone who struggles to show emotions.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences. Just the basics, the action and the result.

Will you credit the fab forum lounge upon printing? "

In acknowledgments I have said thank you to all the fabulous men and women of the forums, as a secret nod to you all.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I know what I want to say, it’s up there, just want a universal response rather than my own experience.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences, just the basic elements of emotions and behaviours.

I get what you are saying Annie, but by thinking about childhood trauma/unhappiness you could be triggering them, especially when people are fragile due to current circumstances. Now if it's a thread and a discussion then the posters may benefit, but for a sentence for your book just comes across a bit wrong. Sure it wasn't intended as such but care I think must be taken when talking about such a delicate subject.

If people get triggered by their childhood they would probably avoid a thread that has ‘childhood’ in the title. "

Bullshit, the domestic abuse threads are started and filled with people who experienced it and still dealing with it. Those threads are emotional as but the support the fora give each order is touching as, it the forum at it's very best. People will look because people want/need to vent things anonymously. And I stand by my statement great care should be taken when starting these threads and how the OP is worded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I know what I want to say, it’s up there, just want a universal response rather than my own experience.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences, just the basic elements of emotions and behaviours.

I get what you are saying Annie, but by thinking about childhood trauma/unhappiness you could be triggering them, especially when people are fragile due to current circumstances. Now if it's a thread and a discussion then the posters may benefit, but for a sentence for your book just comes across a bit wrong. Sure it wasn't intended as such but care I think must be taken when talking about such a delicate subject.

If people get triggered by their childhood they would probably avoid a thread that has ‘childhood’ in the title.

Bullshit, the domestic abuse threads are started and filled with people who experienced it and still dealing with it. Those threads are emotional as but the support the fora give each order is touching as, it the forum at it's very best. People will look because people want/need to vent things anonymously. And I stand by my statement great care should be taken when starting these threads and how the OP is worded "

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I know what I want to say, it’s up there, just want a universal response rather than my own experience.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences, just the basic elements of emotions and behaviours.

I get what you are saying Annie, but by thinking about childhood trauma/unhappiness you could be triggering them, especially when people are fragile due to current circumstances. Now if it's a thread and a discussion then the posters may benefit, but for a sentence for your book just comes across a bit wrong. Sure it wasn't intended as such but care I think must be taken when talking about such a delicate subject.

If people get triggered by their childhood they would probably avoid a thread that has ‘childhood’ in the title.

Bullshit, the domestic abuse threads are started and filled with people who experienced it and still dealing with it. Those threads are emotional as but the support the fora give each order is touching as, it the forum at it's very best. People will look because people want/need to vent things anonymously. And I stand by my statement great care should be taken when starting these threads and how the OP is worded "

The forums are a couple of hundred people at most. I’m hoping my book will reach thousands.

I want people to understand how their childhood can impact them so they can understand why they react to certain things, remove blame from themselves and do some inner child healing IF they know where the source of their pain comes from.

I said nothing nasty or triggering in my opening post, I just how much truth is in this.

I’m sure anyone that comments on here would be happy to know that them sharing their opinion would go on to help another person.

Comment or don’t fucking comment. People have a choice if they want to read a thread or make a comment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The old Nurture Nature debate.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Thinking more along the lines of lack.

Your parents are supposed to be your care givers and your first experience of receiving love so if any of those elements are missing, it can something something something something.

Need a banging sentence for that please.

Oh is this for your book?

So your not actually interested in people's feelings just want a decent soundbite so it seems like you thought of it?

I know what I want to say, it’s up there, just want a universal response rather than my own experience.

I won’t use people’s personal experiences, just the basic elements of emotions and behaviours.

I get what you are saying Annie, but by thinking about childhood trauma/unhappiness you could be triggering them, especially when people are fragile due to current circumstances. Now if it's a thread and a discussion then the posters may benefit, but for a sentence for your book just comes across a bit wrong. Sure it wasn't intended as such but care I think must be taken when talking about such a delicate subject.

If people get triggered by their childhood they would probably avoid a thread that has ‘childhood’ in the title.

Bullshit, the domestic abuse threads are started and filled with people who experienced it and still dealing with it. Those threads are emotional as but the support the fora give each order is touching as, it the forum at it's very best. People will look because people want/need to vent things anonymously. And I stand by my statement great care should be taken when starting these threads and how the OP is worded

Totally agree "

Yes. These are delicate issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not going to answer the OP because I will lose my shit but in future Annie, can you put in your OP if it's for your book or if it's a genuine interest and discussion about people's lives and experiences?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not going to answer the OP because I will lose my shit but in future Annie, can you put in your OP if it's for your book or if it's a genuine interest and discussion about people's lives and experiences?"

I did come on this thread to say something fairly candid about my own childhood. But that's more important than this thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm not going to answer the OP because I will lose my shit but in future Annie, can you put in your OP if it's for your book or if it's a genuine interest and discussion about people's lives and experiences?"

Ooooo sorry hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You childhood is totally responsible for shaping you, as a child you are not responsible for that, however as an adult you are responsible for dealing with it.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'm not going to answer the OP because I will lose my shit but in future Annie, can you put in your OP if it's for your book or if it's a genuine interest and discussion about people's lives and experiences?

I did come on this thread to say something fairly candid about my own childhood. But that's more important than this thread."

Yes. I'm happy to talk as a person, people to people. Being mined for information, I'm not so cool with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not going to answer the OP because I will lose my shit but in future Annie, can you put in your OP if it's for your book or if it's a genuine interest and discussion about people's lives and experiences?

I did come on this thread to say something fairly candid about my own childhood. But that's more important than this thread.

Yes. I'm happy to talk as a person, people to people. Being mined for information, I'm not so cool with."

Same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not going to answer the OP because I will lose my shit but in future Annie, can you put in your OP if it's for your book or if it's a genuine interest and discussion about people's lives and experiences?

I did come on this thread to say something fairly candid about my own childhood. But that's more important than this thread.

Yes. I'm happy to talk as a person, people to people. Being mined for information, I'm not so cool with."

Exactly xx

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Research terms for the OP:

Childhood trauma

ACE score

C-PTSD

Neural plasticity

Intergenerational disadvantage/trauma

... That's my help from a two minute Google search. I'm sure positive effects exist too

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Of course your childhood shapes your life as an adult. It's ridiculous to think it doesn't. Whether you take the examples of the adults around you and follow them or go completely the opposite way, or take bits and follow them but not others, you will always have those as your guide.

Chances are that as an adult you'll grow more and change again.

As a discussion this is going to be emotive for a lot of people and could be interesting and cathartic.

But to be told that you "Need a banging sentence for that please" on an emotive subject is offensive and uncaring.

Mining the forum for our experiences is all well and good if you're upfront about it. Maybe you should mention in your OP each time that that is what you're doing, as it gives people a better opportunity to scroll past if they're not interested in being a part of it but otherwise would have shared their experiences.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"But to be told that you "Need a banging sentence for that please" on an emotive subject is offensive and uncaring. "

It also won't work. You need to have a coherent unified voice as an author.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not going to answer the OP because I will lose my shit but in future Annie, can you put in your OP if it's for your book or if it's a genuine interest and discussion about people's lives and experiences?"

Really,true!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

o o OO o o

I think (and you can quote this) that the men in my life have had more of an impact on me than my upbringing. In fact, until I started proper dating (after my first ltr ended), I was happy go lucky. I’m not happy go lucky now!

My issues (I think) stem from dodgy relationships rather than my mum working two jobs to keep a roof over our head. Although it could be argued that I picked dodgy relationships because of my upbringing, but I doubt it.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"Of course your childhood shapes your life as an adult. It's ridiculous to think it doesn't. Whether you take the examples of the adults around you and follow them or go completely the opposite way, or take bits and follow them but not others, you will always have those as your guide.

Chances are that as an adult you'll grow more and change again.

As a discussion this is going to be emotive for a lot of people and could be interesting and cathartic.

But to be told that you "Need a banging sentence for that please" on an emotive subject is offensive and uncaring.

Mining the forum for our experiences is all well and good if you're upfront about it. Maybe you should mention in your OP each time that that is what you're doing, as it gives people a better opportunity to scroll past if they're not interested in being a part of it but otherwise would have shared their experiences."

I think she is writing a book

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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I'd say my adult life has shaped me as an adult far more than my childhood.

No major dramas in my childhood, no family issues, no school issues, no work issues, no relationship issues.

All that shit started much later in life and has impacted me far more than my childhood.

Others will be different of course.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think (and you can quote this) that the men in my life have had more of an impact on me than my upbringing. In fact, until I started proper dating (after my first ltr ended), I was happy go lucky. I’m not happy go lucky now!

My issues (I think) stem from dodgy relationships rather than my mum working two jobs to keep a roof over our head. Although it could be argued that I picked dodgy relationships because of my upbringing, but I doubt it. "

Whoa, whoa, hold on, can I go back to your opening statement....I Think...

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

o o OO o o


"I think (and you can quote this) that the men in my life have had more of an impact on me than my upbringing. In fact, until I started proper dating (after my first ltr ended), I was happy go lucky. I’m not happy go lucky now!

My issues (I think) stem from dodgy relationships rather than my mum working two jobs to keep a roof over our head. Although it could be argued that I picked dodgy relationships because of my upbringing, but I doubt it.

Whoa, whoa, hold on, can I go back to your opening statement....I Think... "

You watch I don’t grab that halo and ch*ke you with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think (and you can quote this) that the men in my life have had more of an impact on me than my upbringing. In fact, until I started proper dating (after my first ltr ended), I was happy go lucky. I’m not happy go lucky now!

My issues (I think) stem from dodgy relationships rather than my mum working two jobs to keep a roof over our head. Although it could be argued that I picked dodgy relationships because of my upbringing, but I doubt it.

Whoa, whoa, hold on, can I go back to your opening statement....I Think...

You watch I don’t grab that halo and ch*ke you with it. "

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

"

I think it is true. All life experiences affect future behaviour.

The same life experience affects different people in different ways though.

A shitty childhood may make someone bitter and nasty and turn to a life of crime.

A shitty childhood may make someone want to be better and they become a successful kind adult.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

I think it is true. All life experiences affect future behaviour.

The same life experience affects different people in different ways though.

A shitty childhood may make someone bitter and nasty and turn to a life of crime.

A shitty childhood may make someone want to be better and they become a successful kind adult. "

And that's the point I made

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

"

Plenty of research and evidence which backs this up, I did this for my degree

Start with Maslow/Bowlby

Research the experiments, the blank face experiment - Bobo Doll experiment

I'm being a bit vague I know but happy to help you

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

I think it is true. All life experiences affect future behaviour.

The same life experience affects different people in different ways though.

A shitty childhood may make someone bitter and nasty and turn to a life of crime.

A shitty childhood may make someone want to be better and they become a successful kind adult. "

Experiences, attachment, influences, disadvantage, predispositions, assistance you've had along the way... And more.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

There's a lot of information available on the subject. Google is a good place if you're looking for general rather than personal stories.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"There's a lot of information available on the subject. Google is a good place if you're looking for general rather than personal stories."

There's a lot of research on the topic for obvious reasons

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There's a lot of information available on the subject. Google is a good place if you're looking for general rather than personal stories."

Yes but things off google is often copy written and cannot be used in publications without getting consent from whoever has written it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It absolutely has an impact.

I won’t go into details about my childhood but it was not the best and not the worst, but my parents actions and what I witnessed definitely had an impact. My brother went one way- off the rails and it affected him in a different way to me. I saw it as an example of how not to be, I didn’t want that kind of life for myself and I damaged relationships with family to pursue my career, and I raise my children in a way that is nothing like how I was raised.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

I think it is true. All life experiences affect future behaviour.

The same life experience affects different people in different ways though.

A shitty childhood may make someone bitter and nasty and turn to a life of crime.

A shitty childhood may make someone want to be better and they become a successful kind adult. "

This is very true! The trilogy of a child called it dave peltzer what that boy went through and became a well balanced adult is amazing! X

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"There's a lot of information available on the subject. Google is a good place if you're looking for general rather than personal stories.

Yes but things off google is often copy written and cannot be used in publications without getting consent from whoever has written it. "

You can cite sources in the usual way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually think this is way too huge a topic to be included as a section of a book.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I actually think this is way too huge a topic to be included as a section of a book. "

Agreed. This seems beyond the scope

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London


"How would you describe this and how much truth is in it?

I think it is true. All life experiences affect future behaviour.

The same life experience affects different people in different ways though.

A shitty childhood may make someone bitter and nasty and turn to a life of crime.

A shitty childhood may make someone want to be better and they become a successful kind adult. "

Perfectly put.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I actually think this is way too huge a topic to be included as a section of a book.

Agreed. This seems beyond the scope"

Trouble is, there are whole books dedicated to this subject, it’s so complex isn’t it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My childhood thoroughly fucked me up.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

There seems to be a lot of tension between some people after a thread a few weeks back. Can those people ignore each other from now on please

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I actually think this is way too huge a topic to be included as a section of a book.

Agreed. This seems beyond the scope

Trouble is, there are whole books dedicated to this subject, it’s so complex isn’t it."

Definitely. All these issues are enormously complicated

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

OP I didn't take offence I was just trying to clarify.

I am more than happy to share my life experiences with people who want to listen.

I spent too long bottling it all up poisoning my mind.

These day's I am happy to share and help if I can.

Peace and love to all xx

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"There's a lot of information available on the subject. Google is a good place if you're looking for general rather than personal stories.

Yes but things off google is often copy written and cannot be used in publications without getting consent from whoever has written it. "

Surely you're going to take whatever you are researching and use your own thoughts on it though, rather than using the actual material you research from?

As long as you cite your source you are fine to refer to them. And as long as you aren't plagiarising, if you contact the author of the source they are likely to allow you to quote their work in order to discuss it in your own publication.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Phillip Larkin said this better than anyone:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself."

I like this. Breaking the cycle is the best thing you can try and do for your own kids if you have them.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Phillip Larkin said this better than anyone:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

I like this. Breaking the cycle is the best thing you can try and do for your own kids if you have them. "

Agreed

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By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport


"Phillip Larkin said this better than anyone:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

I like this. Breaking the cycle is the best thing you can try and do for your own kids if you have them.

Agreed "

My childhood was okay but I like to think my son's was better

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Phillip Larkin said this better than anyone:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

I like this. Breaking the cycle is the best thing you can try and do for your own kids if you have them. "

I really like this poem. I always think you can interpret it according to your own experiences. But it also makes you realise that no matter how hard you try you're going to get it wrong with your own kids in some ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/11/20 14:48:30]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Annie, it seems you have fallen foul of not understanding some basic ethics of doing research. While researching your book you would be wise to get an understanding. I’ll summarise 8 principles that you may or may not consider:

(a) do good - make it clear what the befit is to others

(b) do no harm - ensure your research process is not going to harm others and the research findings don’t either

(c) make sure you have got informed consent from anyone you’d like to participate in your research;

(d) think about the risk of harm to participants and minimise or prevent it;

(e) agree confidentiality and anonymity;

(f) avoid using any ways of getting information that could be seen as deceptive;

(g) give participants the right to withdraw at any time and assure them you won’t use their information

(h) be clear on rules on references and citations and be thorough, as well as clear on copywrite issues.

There maybe others I haven’t thought of, but it might be useful for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I actually think this is way too huge a topic to be included as a section of a book.

Agreed. This seems beyond the scope

Trouble is, there are whole books dedicated to this subject, it’s so complex isn’t it."

Exactly. There already are 100’s of books dedicated to this subject. My own sister is a clinical psychologist and behavioural analyst, if I wanted an in-depth discussion about it I would seek the advice from a professional.

Professional people with a good understanding of psychology would already know the affects of childhood on your adult life.

I wanted basic examples. To keep it brief.

Some readers may be clingy and have trouble with rejection or abandonment issues but not know where they’ve come from.

If I briefly say what the impact could be from not having a mother or father they could identify those behaviours. Know that there isn’t anything wrong with them after all and then when they know the source of the problem they can research it fully. Other chapters of my book will cover things to do that can help with childhood trauma.

I’m not qualified to give people professional advice. I can only talk about things the same as if I were talking to my friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Phillip Larkin said this better than anyone:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

I like this. Breaking the cycle is the best thing you can try and do for your own kids if you have them.

I really like this poem. I always think you can interpret it according to your own experiences. But it also makes you realise that no matter how hard you try you're going to get it wrong with your own kids in some ways. "

Absolutely, and the things you think are best for them, they still think you probably are a bit evil and choose the wrong thing. No win

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Phillip Larkin said this better than anyone:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

I like this. Breaking the cycle is the best thing you can try and do for your own kids if you have them.

I really like this poem. I always think you can interpret it according to your own experiences. But it also makes you realise that no matter how hard you try you're going to get it wrong with your own kids in some ways.

Absolutely, and the things you think are best for them, they still think you probably are a bit evil and choose the wrong thing. No win "

Yep. I think we're lucky to get out of childhood and parenthood with minimal damage.

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