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Not 50 but 100 shades of ....

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Truth!

I am one of those people who can see both sides of an argument, well in most cases.

As a teenager I thought everything and everybody was either one thing or another; something was either perfectly right or despicably wrong. That was a safe world with safe parameters.

Then I grew up a bit and realised that the world around me was anything but... falling into neat black or white, right or wrong categories but rather 100 or more shades of grey.

How do you see the world? What enables you to put yourself on the other side, put on the other shoe, hear and understand a bit where they are coming from... whatever you want to call it?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Empathy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Empathy "
this

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Empathy is a great one - emotional intelligence as well.

How can people learn empathy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100 shades of grey. I like to hear both sides of an argument. I like to have my view challenged and maybe change my mind.

I don't think people can learn empathy. They can't learn to feel something they don't care about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am cynical, I also deal a lot with other people’s arguments or disagreements and have to remain impartial. I think that does transfer to my personal life too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seeing multiple perspectives is something I have certainly developed over the years but I also recognise some perspectives have greater value than others. At this time we see a lot of polarisation in the world however we need able to integrate perspectives and transcend division of the poles. Including what is good in the different perspectives by appreciating their relative value and finding a new integral ways of thinking about ways forward seems where we need to be moving.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

Common sense and intellect. I think people are more biased towards their own beliefs though, especially if they're deep-rooted ones. I'm always happy to listen to other viewpoints if they're put forward in a rational manner, but will often agree to disagree if nothing is persuasive enough to change my viewpoint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm open minded and will listen to anybodys views or beliefs, i can sympathise with people and i can empathise with peoples feelings if i can relate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've nearly always seen the world in shades of grey. I can 'see' both sides of an argument (even if I don't agree with either side) and I've always put that down to imagination.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"100 shades of grey. I like to hear both sides of an argument. I like to have my view challenged and maybe change my mind.

I don't think people can learn empathy. They can't learn to feel something they don't care about.

"

I think you can learn empathy. I have have become more empathetic as I have developed personally. Becoming more in touch with my own emotions and more self aware has helped me to appreciate and understand others much better than I ever did.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Wow great contributions - thank you so far.

I would agree that a psychopath without empathy is likely incapable of learning empathy.

That said, I have experienced in my life that I did not fully appreciate what it would be to experiencing an anxiety attack until I had one. So did I never have the "gene" for empathy in this department because I had never experienced it?

Another example: I feel I do not have to have experienced some trauma like PTSD in order to understand what it might be like for the person. Granted I have not experienced it but I think I can imagine it?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

A combination of intellect, values, and empathy. My values are quite firm but I often bend them to attempt to understand other perspectives. I know I'm fallible and biased and I do try to understand other positions, even though I often fail.

I bounce perspectives off others, ask them to check my position, check evidence where applicable.

It takes a fair amount of legwork for me to arrive at a firm conclusion on many things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow great contributions - thank you so far.

I would agree that a psychopath without empathy is likely incapable of learning empathy.

That said, I have experienced in my life that I did not fully appreciate what it would be to experiencing an anxiety attack until I had one. So did I never have the "gene" for empathy in this department because I had never experienced it?

Another example: I feel I do not have to have experienced some trauma like PTSD in order to understand what it might be like for the person. Granted I have not experienced it but I think I can imagine it? "

I think the more in touch we are with our own dark side the more likely we are to empathise with others. The challenge is not succumbing to its power.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"100 shades of grey. I like to hear both sides of an argument. I like to have my view challenged and maybe change my mind.

I don't think people can learn empathy. They can't learn to feel something they don't care about.

I think you can learn empathy. I have have become more empathetic as I have developed personally. Becoming more in touch with my own emotions and more self aware has helped me to appreciate and understand others much better than I ever did."

I might be thinking of 'learn' as being forced. Whereas you may have evolved to feel empathy. Hope that makes sense.

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"

I think the more in touch we are with our own dark side the more likely we are to empathise with others. The challenge is not succumbing to its power."

I was just trying to work out how to phrase that - thankyou.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"100 shades of grey. I like to hear both sides of an argument. I like to have my view challenged and maybe change my mind.

I don't think people can learn empathy. They can't learn to feel something they don't care about.

I think you can learn empathy. I have have become more empathetic as I have developed personally. Becoming more in touch with my own emotions and more self aware has helped me to appreciate and understand others much better than I ever did.

I might be thinking of 'learn' as being forced. Whereas you may have evolved to feel empathy. Hope that makes sense. "
That is a good point... the word "learn" has something formal and almost unnatural about it as if empathy should be there without trying hard.

I think evolving is a much better term as the WitchDoctor kind of said as well...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"100 shades of grey. I like to hear both sides of an argument. I like to have my view challenged and maybe change my mind.

I don't think people can learn empathy. They can't learn to feel something they don't care about.

I think you can learn empathy. I have have become more empathetic as I have developed personally. Becoming more in touch with my own emotions and more self aware has helped me to appreciate and understand others much better than I ever did.

I might be thinking of 'learn' as being forced. Whereas you may have evolved to feel empathy. Hope that makes sense. "
I learned it most in an educational setting and some of that setting involved me being forced to liberate myself, because of the nature of the learning environment created. Some of the things I learned I probably wouldn’t have freely chosen. My choice was to be part of that learning community.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Wow great contributions - thank you so far.

I would agree that a psychopath without empathy is likely incapable of learning empathy.

That said, I have experienced in my life that I did not fully appreciate what it would be to experiencing an anxiety attack until I had one. So did I never have the "gene" for empathy in this department because I had never experienced it?

Another example: I feel I do not have to have experienced some trauma like PTSD in order to understand what it might be like for the person. Granted I have not experienced it but I think I can imagine it?

I think the more in touch we are with our own dark side the more likely we are to empathise with others. The challenge is not succumbing to its power."

Very true. Seriously!

But, on a less serious note - I am rather worried about what I might find in my mental cupboard!

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"

It takes a fair amount of legwork for me to arrive at a firm conclusion on many things "

Tea or coffee..?

... or should I make one of each?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

It takes a fair amount of legwork for me to arrive at a firm conclusion on many things

Tea or coffee..?

... or should I make one of each? "

Don't make me make decisions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow great contributions - thank you so far.

I would agree that a psychopath without empathy is likely incapable of learning empathy.

That said, I have experienced in my life that I did not fully appreciate what it would be to experiencing an anxiety attack until I had one. So did I never have the "gene" for empathy in this department because I had never experienced it?

Another example: I feel I do not have to have experienced some trauma like PTSD in order to understand what it might be like for the person. Granted I have not experienced it but I think I can imagine it?

I think the more in touch we are with our own dark side the more likely we are to empathise with others. The challenge is not succumbing to its power.

Very true. Seriously!

But, on a less serious note - I am rather worried about what I might find in my mental cupboard! "

It’s ok off the edge of the map but there be dragons there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Learning... vs evolving.. vs... life experiences and getting older?

Coincidence or cause and effect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Learning... vs evolving.. vs... life experiences and getting older?

Coincidence or cause and effect.

"

My experience says it a combination of both, somethings I learned intentionally, others were coincidental, both planned change and emergent change. Learning occurred at different levels at different times.

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By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Years ago I fell in love with someone who had real emotional issues due to childhood trauma. Her behaviour could be challenging to a meaningful relationship of any kind, seriously so, but I loved her incredibly deeply nonetheless.

It was often tough, but really made me evaluate my judgement of the behaviour of others, and their motivations. I think it definitely bumped up my own emotional intelligence massively. Now I try to respect people and view their beliefs and behaviour favourably. Course, there are limits to this and stupidity still gets me angry.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Learning... vs evolving.. vs... life experiences and getting older?

Coincidence or cause and effect.

"

Maybe not either or but a bit of both?

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Learning... vs evolving.. vs... life experiences and getting older?

Coincidence or cause and effect.

My experience says it a combination of both, somethings I learned intentionally, others were coincidental, both planned change and emergent change. Learning occurred at different levels at different times. "
This , of course, I should have read to the end of the thread...

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Years ago I fell in love with someone who had real emotional issues due to childhood trauma. Her behaviour could be challenging to a meaningful relationship of any kind, seriously so, but I loved her incredibly deeply nonetheless.

It was often tough, but really made me evaluate my judgement of the behaviour of others, and their motivations. I think it definitely bumped up my own emotional intelligence massively. Now I try to respect people and view their beliefs and behaviour favourably. Course, there are limits to this and stupidity still gets me angry."

You know this is another interesting thought leading to the idea that relationships that have ended. can still leave you with inner emotional growth and make you a better person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I can see both sides of an argument and the upside and inside of it. Most recently come into play when everyone was going on about that American Murder-the family next door documentary. All my Facebook people were saying they were crying eyes out and worst thing they’ve ever seen.

I felt a bit of a monster when I didn’t cry but I see things from all sides. Yes what he did was horrific and terrible but I look more at the reasons why than the act.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I know I can see both sides of an argument and the upside and inside of it. Most recently come into play when everyone was going on about that American Murder-the family next door documentary. All my Facebook people were saying they were crying eyes out and worst thing they’ve ever seen.

I felt a bit of a monster when I didn’t cry but I see things from all sides. Yes what he did was horrific and terrible but I look more at the reasons why than the act.

"

That is interesting, really it is! I was watching it, with a couple of my grown up kids and we felt it was almost surreal how the guy was acting (badly, his responses must have been the first give away as he could not feign genuine concern for his wife and children!)

We also were abhorred with the coldness with which he just got rid of them. especially the children with one of them reportedly crying "Please daddy, don't"

But - and I make absolutely no excuses for his behaviour or the actions - when you started to understand the relationship a little bit you could see how he was trying to escape from a very controlling person. Is that how you saw it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know I can see both sides of an argument and the upside and inside of it. Most recently come into play when everyone was going on about that American Murder-the family next door documentary. All my Facebook people were saying they were crying eyes out and worst thing they’ve ever seen.

I felt a bit of a monster when I didn’t cry but I see things from all sides. Yes what he did was horrific and terrible but I look more at the reasons why than the act.

That is interesting, really it is! I was watching it, with a couple of my grown up kids and we felt it was almost surreal how the guy was acting (badly, his responses must have been the first give away as he could not feign genuine concern for his wife and children!)

We also were abhorred with the coldness with which he just got rid of them. especially the children with one of them reportedly crying "Please daddy, don't"

But - and I make absolutely no excuses for his behaviour or the actions - when you started to understand the relationship a little bit you could see how he was trying to escape from a very controlling person. Is that how you saw it? "

Yeah. Loved how his neighbour with the cctv instantly said he’s not acting right.

Could tell straight away something wasn’t right. But he should have just got a divorce rather than wipe out his family. There was so much social media footage from her, you could see he wasn’t in it anymore and felt controlled. His face when he found out she was pregnant again, he just looked gutted. Just because you’re married doesn’t give you a free pass to get pregnant without discussing that it’s something you both want.

How he could drive those two living children for almost an hour and then kill them I don’t know.

She came home early hours knowing he was having an affair and they had an argument. Bizarrely they had sex, could she have actually done the two children like he claimed and then he killed her? He did cry to his mother about how he couldn’t bury her with them, said I’m not putting her with them.

He did plead guilty so he wouldn’t get the death penalty and anyone facing a criminal trial would know you get so much pressure to go guilty and if you don’t and then get found guilty you lose all right to a reduced sentence, in his case he would have been put to death straight away, that’s reason as any to say guilty to it all. I don’t know, either way he killed at least one of his children cos she was pregnant.

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