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Cancer

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Heavy post ahead, sorry x

We had a slight domestic yesterday. Mr has a friend who has four kids, wife and just been diagnosed with cancer in the kidney. Surgery in three weeks and may need a new kidney. Docs are confident they will get the cancer in time, but also concerned that a kidney will be needed. His friend is a strong character and is trying to show confident etc but mr says his wife is a wreck. 4 kids with one being a baby.

Mr wants to volunteer to donate a kidney, but I'm worried about this. What if he falls ill and needs both his kidneys, or what if one of our kids needs this in the future? Mr is a physical guy too, he is really active and his job needs him to be active. What if he can't do any of this with one kidney.

He sees it as helping a friend recover, but I'm worried. Am I over reacting? Have any of fabs members had any similar experiences? Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I suggest that you both speak to the MacMillan team...

They have masses of experience in these matters.

Its a remarkably brave thing that Mr is wanting to do... You both need all of the facts before making a decision like this.

Good luck...;-)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My understanding of it is that the human body can function perfectly well with one kidney, the other seems to be redundant unless - it's the only one. As for him might needing two in case one of your kids needs one later in life - you have two yourself also but I think statistically you'd be extremely unlikely to have two close acquaintances/blood relatives needing kidney transplants that only you and your husband can provide a kidney for.

I don't know if compatibility between your husband and his friend is an issue or whether a kidney can be transplanted to anyone, I'm guessing it's the latter as millions of people carry donor cards.

I think it's really going to come down to how he'd feel if his friend died for loack of a donor kidney and he could have helped him. If I was in that situation I'd help.

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By *acciWoman
over a year ago

leeds

The greatest gift is to be able to save a life,ive donated bone marrow twice now. but i do think that your panicing a wee bit,you cnt just donate an organ you have to have many many tests to make sure you match.

Difficult one for you and i do wish you well in making a choice. Hope your friend gets better soon

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By *exki11enWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

It's a very noble thing to do and, ultimately, his choice i'm afraid.

Chances of being a match are slim and he'd be offered counselling beforehand to make sure he understood the implications.

If he goes ahead, my advice would be get the testing done before saying anything to the friend if at all possible to avoid disappointment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a very noble thing to do and, ultimately, his choice i'm afraid.

Chances of being a match are slim and he'd be offered counselling beforehand to make sure he understood the implications.

If he goes ahead, my advice would be get the testing done before saying anything to the friend if at all possible to avoid disappointment. "

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

chances are your friend might not need a kidney,my brother has functioned for years perfectly with just the one kidney,obviousley should the one he has stop functioning we have already decided he will have one of mine,if we are compatible

a big decision for your hubby but one that should be taken with advice first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck with your decisions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that at the moment your emotions are running high due to the worry of your friends condition.

Should she need a new kidney, then your husband may wish to be screened.

The chances of a match are incredibly slim, but if it allows him to feel he is helping (or at least is trying to)then let him have the tests.

At the moment you are arguing over a set of variables, nothing is set in stone.

IF and only if, she does need a kidney and IF your hubby gets screened and IF he is a match, then that is the time to have a grown up talk, not now.

For now I would offer both your friends and their family what moral and physical support you can in what must be a period of worry and turmoil for them.

I hope all goes well with the OP and your friend returns to full (and ongoing) health soon x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's unlikely Mr would have a compatible kidney anyway, tests would need to be done to determine this. However a close blood relative rather than a friend is the natural choice as it decreasaes the chances of organ rejection.

Unfortunately I only have one healthy kidney, so that's something I'll never be able to do.

If there is nobody able in the friends close family, then I think it's a wonderfully selfless thing to do

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Personally, if I had a young family dependent on me I wouldn't do anything that might have an adverse affect on them. I wouldn't be offering my body parts to a friend either, they're bound to have blood relatives that are a closer match.

I appreciate some people react differently so I wish all concerned the very best outcome possible.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

My priority would be my family, end of

I would offer endless support to a friend but at the end of the day, I would hope their family would share a similar principle to me.

Best wishes to all concerned for a full and speedy recovery

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks so much for all your lovely posts and personal experiences so far. This is side of sites like fab that the vanilla world don't see xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum is waiting for a liver transplant, thankfully noy yet needed, but she's on the list.

Im her only child, her brothers & sisters along with my dad are to old to give her a part of theirs.

My mum has flatly refussed my help. Im a single parent of 3 and she says she would be selfish to take something that i or indeed they may need. There is everychance me or my daughter could end up with the same illness, so even the doctors have said i cant help.

In this situation i think youve every right to put your own family first x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I could, I would donate one without another thought. Good luck to your friend and I hope it all goes well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all depends if he is a match or not it would not hurt to be tested maybe its a moot point and while being tested talk to the doctors. Then take it from there and fingers crossed for your friend and his family.

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By *uyuksno1Man
over a year ago

poole

hey sorry to hear about your friend thats tough!

im a survivor 4 yrs now but i lost a kidney through chemo

my husband and my best friend offered me one of theirs

we were told not necessary as the body is able to cope with just one they were not a match anyway my mum was chances are your husband wont be either you have a right to be worried but we can survive with one kidney i hope all goes well with your friend and you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't read everything above but, my mum had kidney cancer 10 years ago and had a kidney removed, apparently the kidney is very good at containing the cancer and one of the best places to get cancer with the chance of full recovery.

She had it done before keyhole work was wildly accepted and was a tough op but still now she's fine with no reccurances of the evil C thankfully.

She copes perfectly well with the one kidney now, she was 54 when it was found! Hope that gives u a small insight and some comfort xx

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By *imal75Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I know someone who has one kidney...and they are fine.... But try not to stress to much...Have faith in the Doctors... x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I would say have the test first.... as other have said, unless they are a close relative it is unlikely they are going to be a match so you may be stressing over nothing....

the one thing I would ask you to consider would be if the roles were reversed would you want someone to do the same for you?

I would encourage people to have an organ donor card.. but the way it is done is a topic for a different thread...

I wish you all well regardless of what happens

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