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Does the hunt/chase mentality still exist in men?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’ve just finished reading a book called The Rules, it’s a dating guide for women to find a husband!

It’s a little dated in the sense that there’s no mention of texting people, it’s all phone calls and email and going to dances. But to be a ‘rules girl’ you must never initiate anything with a man, you must wait to be asked and the reason for doing so is men are all about the chase.

So I’m asking if there is any truth to it?

Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve just finished reading a book called The Rules, it’s a dating guide for women to find a husband!

It’s a little dated in the sense that there’s no mention of texting people, it’s all phone calls and email and going to dances. But to be a ‘rules girl’ you must never initiate anything with a man, you must wait to be asked and the reason for doing so is men are all about the chase.

So I’m asking if there is any truth to it?

Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you? "

I’d say it’s more off putting if she doesn’t seem to put any effort in herself or makes you do all the work. In that case no other dates will happen.

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By *ohnny2006Man
over a year ago

worcester


"I’ve just finished reading a book called The Rules, it’s a dating guide for women to find a husband!

It’s a little dated in the sense that there’s no mention of texting people, it’s all phone calls and email and going to dances. But to be a ‘rules girl’ you must never initiate anything with a man, you must wait to be asked and the reason for doing so is men are all about the chase.

So I’m asking if there is any truth to it?

Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you? "

It's Darwinian. Women couldn't figure out who the best men were so they let men compete with each other and the women allowed the best one to breed with them. That's why women typically objectify men based on status and men objectify women based on fertility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im put off if its thrown at me.

I enjoy a chase i must admit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I feel like this is an area I e been going wrong with (there’s probably loads more shit I do that’s offputting) but for me I think I’ve projected a lot of how I want to be treated onto guys I’ve had dealings with. Like my main thing is to feel wanted and secure so I’ve always gone out of my way to reassure the guy and let him know I’m interested and I like him. I’ve asked them out, complimented them. Made them feel amazing but I’ve got quite masculine energy. In a sense I’ve made it easy for guys (I’m interested in) to get me. Need to be more aloof!

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"I’ve just finished reading a book called The Rules, it’s a dating guide for women to find a husband!

It’s a little dated in the sense that there’s no mention of texting people, it’s all phone calls and email and going to dances. But to be a ‘rules girl’ you must never initiate anything with a man, you must wait to be asked and the reason for doing so is men are all about the chase.

So I’m asking if there is any truth to it?

Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you? "

I walk away unless a lady engages in reciprocal seduction

I have little interest in books suggesting there is a game to play and how

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

Bookmarking this to see the responses from men.

I've had men in the past that didn't like it when I was forward, and I've never understood why...whilst I'm quite happy and confident enough to make the first move, I do enjoy the flip side of being "chased" as well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bookmarking this to see the responses from men.

I've had men in the past that didn't like it when I was forward, and I've never understood why...whilst I'm quite happy and confident enough to make the first move, I do enjoy the flip side of being "chased" as well. "

If you read that book you’ll be like, hmm okay. Advice like if you have a bad nose get a nose job

But some of the stuff is quite interesting.

Says you should never ask a guy out or approach him.

Says that if a man is interested in you at all he will make it known, says theres no such thing as a shy man.

Also if a guy hasn’t secured a Saturday night date by Wednesday you’re to turn him down and say you’re busy. Definitely no meeting them on the day they ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never chased a girl, the ones I've been with , dated etc have made the first move with me , we've eyed each other up in the club, pub etc but I would be never act on it because I'd think no way is she looking at me but eventually they'd make a beeline for me, think I would of had more sexual partners when I was going out a lot if I would of had more confidence in myself

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I think a bit of give and take on both ends? I've always been a chaser and not intimidated with making the first move. I've found it thrilling when the effort bears fruit. That being said, some reciprocation is always appreciated and if someone is forward and proactive it's equally appreciated. If the attraction is mutual, the outcome is likely the same regardless of who does more chasing

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I don’t chase, I’m chased

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By *hynwbiguyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm similar to Allsorts - perhaps it's a confidence thing that "She would never like me anyway"

I don't have a problem with women making the first move as it clears up any doubt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always been a bit scared of being too forward and overstepping my bounds as I wouldn't want to look like a fool if it wasn't reciprocated.

On the other hand, a woman could be practically flashing me and I'd still be wondering what her intentions were

I guess it's a case of finding someone where things click and neither side has to force it, in which case, the idea of chasing does seem a bit dated

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

As a woman ive always been happy letting a guy know im interested but then i tend to hold back a bit. I dont rush in or go over the top i meet him half way. I dont think game playing is good.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

I never do the chasing. I probably should tbh.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"Bookmarking this to see the responses from men.

I've had men in the past that didn't like it when I was forward, and I've never understood why...whilst I'm quite happy and confident enough to make the first move, I do enjoy the flip side of being "chased" as well.

If you read that book you’ll be like, hmm okay. Advice like if you have a bad nose get a nose job

But some of the stuff is quite interesting.

Says you should never ask a guy out or approach him.

Says that if a man is interested in you at all he will make it known, says theres no such thing as a shy man.

Also if a guy hasn’t secured a Saturday night date by Wednesday you’re to turn him down and say you’re busy. Definitely no meeting them on the day they ask. "

Sounds like an interesting read, but I think I'll stick to my way of doing things, it seems to have worked alright so far...and to be honest, if a man gets all butt hurt at me asking him out, he's going to hate my directness in a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel like this is an area I e been going wrong with (there’s probably loads more shit I do that’s offputting) but for me I think I’ve projected a lot of how I want to be treated onto guys I’ve had dealings with. Like my main thing is to feel wanted and secure so I’ve always gone out of my way to reassure the guy and let him know I’m interested and I like him. I’ve asked them out, complimented them. Made them feel amazing but I’ve got quite masculine energy. In a sense I’ve made it easy for guys (I’m interested in) to get me. Need to be more aloof!"

Why are you blaming yourself? If they used you that's on them for being a dick.

It shouldn't be a game.

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

No!!

Died about a month ago

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

There are no rules.

Most problems, or perceived problems, with dating arise from people thinking there is a ‘game’ you have to play along with.

If people were just themselves life would be so much simpler, or am I just being unreasonably naive.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you? "

You know there’s a grey area between being completely aloof and “handing herself on a plate”?

Also, I’d say the main point to a book of rules is to make money for the author rather than giving some wonderful insight. There have been enough threads here about “Do all women like...” to know that people are very different

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I’m all for equally and a sparing partner but I don’t give myself lightly... I tend to hold back and wait to be chased. Tells me how serious they are.

That said I recently back off from someone on fab because I wouldnt enter into telephone conversations - didn’t feel safe - he threw a paddy over it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are no rules.

Most problems, or perceived problems, with dating arise from people thinking there is a ‘game’ you have to play along with.

If people were just themselves life would be so much simpler, or am I just being unreasonably naive. "

The game playing puts me right off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There are no rules.

Most problems, or perceived problems, with dating arise from people thinking there is a ‘game’ you have to play along with.

If people were just themselves life would be so much simpler, or am I just being unreasonably naive. "

I feel like I shouldn’t have to change my personality or how I am, I’m very loving and kind and I want people I have dealings with to know where they stand. But it hasn’t worked for me so far.

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By *oachman 9CoolMan
over a year ago

derby

To just meet up with someone your Interested in is the first hurdle if you can get over that one then you,ve got a chance to see if there is a connection thats the vanilla world for most guys Includeing myself. and in over 40 years its eluded me but I,ve had the freedom most guys my age have,t had..

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT


"There are no rules.

Most problems, or perceived problems, with dating arise from people thinking there is a ‘game’ you have to play along with.

If people were just themselves life would be so much simpler, or am I just being unreasonably naive.

I feel like I shouldn’t have to change my personality or how I am, I’m very loving and kind and I want people I have dealings with to know where they stand. But it hasn’t worked for me so far. "

My advice, not that it’s worth a brass razoo , is , don’t change who you are unless YOU become unhappy with who you are. Be true too yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to like the chase and the initial getting to know someone but then, once that was over, I would start to lose interest - just as my girlfriend was starting to get more interested. I was the one who was more full on at the beginning due to 'over excitement'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the hunt. A lot of women do

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"There are no rules.

Most problems, or perceived problems, with dating arise from people thinking there is a ‘game’ you have to play along with.

If people were just themselves life would be so much simpler, or am I just being unreasonably naive.

The game playing puts me right off."

It's just so unnecessary. If someone likes me I don't want them to be acting 'aloof'. That's even a bit manipulative.

Just be honest, it saves so much time and stress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's great if it's someone who I'm into, but if not it just feels awkward.

In general men are chasers and women are waiters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful. "

True sometimes when a women isn't interested it makes me want her more.

It's like when I use to smoke I'd go mad until I had a packet of fags and then I'd just throw them up on the shelf and be like meh I'll have one later.

If that makes sense lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*drops down on one knee....

To tie his shoe

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

True sometimes when a women isn't interested it makes me want her more.

It's like when I use to smoke I'd go mad until I had a packet of fags and then I'd just throw them up on the shelf and be like meh I'll have one later.

If that makes sense lol "

Yeah absolutely, wanting what you can’t have. Or feeling like you’ve earned something.

It does feel like it’s game playing and slightly manipulative but if you come on too strong you risk scaring them off.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

I gave it up ages ago...not worth the hassle anymore, we have gone from clubbing over the head and dragging them back to the cave to corny chat up lines and cheap alcohol in a night club to spending hours on our laptops filling out profiles and messages. So, I'm out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am far from against the chase, nor am I against a woman being a little forward. I really wouldn’t mind a lady telling me she is interested, letting me know that the chase would be worthwhile. I am an old fashioned gentleman, I open doors, pull out seats, order meals, go to the bar etc. I also like to spoil a lady. But it all has to have real potential to lead somewhere. The chase can only last for so long x

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

All you have to do is green arrow certain posters in the forum to know, hell yes, it is to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always leave it up to the guy to make the 1st move...also on here I never ever msg someone 1st. But if someone does show an interest & I'm attracted to them I reciprocate 10fold.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always leave it up to the guy to make the 1st move...also on here I never ever msg someone 1st. But if someone does show an interest & I'm attracted to them I reciprocate 10fold."

Stepping straight into the DMs

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

The quality of the chase depends on the quality of the lady being chased.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe so, I can only speak for myself of course. I think the internet has changed the way we go about chasing and the sheer volume of dating apps. With this you also approach far more women than in real life social situations and with that comes an increase in rejection, which both have a negative aspect to attitudes towards women in society. Interesting subject to think about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got zero interest in being the one putting all of the effort in. I'm pretty terrible at picking up on "signals" as it is so if I'm flirting with someone and I get nothing back I'll just pack it in because they're clearly not interested or I'm overstepping somewhere. Especially on things like Tinder, it would just make me think that after the initial swipe and conversation, they've moved on to the next shiny thing.

The whole game playing mentality irritates the hell out of me. If you like someone, tell them

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By *ts been emotionalMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Flirting or mental foreplay is the best part,the corner of the month smile the flick of her hair,stroking her drink .....

A tease with intent or invitation to battle

We all have a game plan because sexual seduction is our primeval goal.

Why do women love a romantic film ?

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By *indandfireCouple
over a year ago

ashbourne

Does it depend on whether it’s just for sex or a relationship?

For sex I would make it very obvious that I was wet and horny and wanted them. For a relationship I would be more discrete and feel that a man needs to show interest to be a potential partner. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t respond and flirt etc but I do like to know there is interest in the same thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like that book is archaic.

I've NEVER chased a woman. Never will. I don't put people on a pedestal and I don't believe people should act like they are the trophy at the end of this.

What I find attractive is simply finding that spark, finding someone who's an equal on the same wavelength.

Probably why I'm not into all this "Daddy" stuff. I find it degrading

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

If I hadn't approached my husband we wouldn't be married now. He's told me he would never have had the balls to approach me first.

I think if a woman comes across as confident and self aware this can be an issue, depending on the guy.

That said, there had to be an element of him wanting me and doing the work too otherwise I would have backed off.

I hope you don't mind me saying but I think your approach comes across to men as too needy at times, in fact you remind me of me aged about 20 to 25, always needing to feel wanted and desired but picking completely the wrong guys.

Every dynamic is different, my husband does not get turned on by me doing every little last thing for him, he likes me to do things that also make me happy.

I was brought up in one of those Welsh houses where Dads tea was on the table when he walked in from work, he never had to think for himself as his clothes magically got washed, plate cleared from the table, lunchbox filled.

It was hard for me to get out of that mentality but since i have our relationship has been better for it.

My husband enjoys being married to a strong confident woman, what keeps him on his toes is the fact he knows I am not dependent on him, and I know this because we have discussed it.

Just my side, not saying it's for everyone, never a one size fits all in these situations

Jo x

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"I’ve just finished reading a book called The Rules, it’s a dating guide for women to find a husband!

It’s a little dated in the sense that there’s no mention of texting people, it’s all phone calls and email and going to dances. But to be a ‘rules girl’ you must never initiate anything with a man, you must wait to be asked and the reason for doing so is men are all about the chase.

So I’m asking if there is any truth to it?

Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you? "

I don’t know about her ‘making it easy’ for me, but I do like to be chased

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the most desirable women are the ones who give you a hint of what is there, like a dress that you get a glimpse of underwear. A flirty comment or a smile can let you know she's interested, but if she offers herself on a plate there's no challenge, and I think that takes away from her attractiveness.

Literature and history is full of women who hold themselves back, and in the end get what they want, as the men around them are desperate for what she has!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like a guy to make the first move, I think more because I like the confidence but I don’t like to play games. If I’m interested I won’t hide that for fear of him losing interest.

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

It’s an old old book ... read it when it was in fashion about20yrs ago I think

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The book is very dated. It talks about them calling you and you letting your answer machine take messages and taking a long time to return their call. If you tried that these days everyone knows people have their phones on them constantly and can be reached on multiple social media platforms as well as your mobile itself. If you took a day to respond to someone they’d know you were avoiding them.

Also who goes to dances these days and waits for a guy to ask you to dance? Can’t even dance in a bar now I had a bollocking for standing up and dancing the last time I was out, plus when you’re out you have to stay at your table and no one outside of your party can join!

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

If you want to be chased maker it clear. I know some women today have said no to a guy, as they wanted to be chased and wooed more. Don't do that.

If you say no, but you mean maybe or you want them to chase you more, all you are doing is encouraging guys to keep hassling women that 'do' mean no.

It's not a good idea to teach guys that no means maybe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The book is very dated. It talks about them calling you and you letting your answer machine take messages and taking a long time to return their call. If you tried that these days everyone knows people have their phones on them constantly and can be reached on multiple social media platforms as well as your mobile itself. If you took a day to respond to someone they’d know you were avoiding them.

Also who goes to dances these days and waits for a guy to ask you to dance? Can’t even dance in a bar now I had a bollocking for standing up and dancing the last time I was out, plus when you’re out you have to stay at your table and no one outside of your party can join! "

So what are you asking Annie? Has technology limited or stopped the opportunity for men to chase after and woo their desired woman? Or have they just had to evolve their seduction techniques?

Fuzz

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Women usually drop hints that they are interested but rarely initiate direct.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The book is very dated. It talks about them calling you and you letting your answer machine take messages and taking a long time to return their call. If you tried that these days everyone knows people have their phones on them constantly and can be reached on multiple social media platforms as well as your mobile itself. If you took a day to respond to someone they’d know you were avoiding them.

Also who goes to dances these days and waits for a guy to ask you to dance? Can’t even dance in a bar now I had a bollocking for standing up and dancing the last time I was out, plus when you’re out you have to stay at your table and no one outside of your party can join!

So what are you asking Annie? Has technology limited or stopped the opportunity for men to chase after and woo their desired woman? Or have they just had to evolve their seduction techniques?

Fuzz"

That comment was just in relation to how dated the actual book was.

Main thing I’m asking is if there’s truth to men being the hunters/chasers?

The book says never initiate anything with a man, like speak to him first or ask him for a date. You can smile if they make eye contact with you and you can give your number and accept dates. You just can’t be the one to initiate them, according to the book.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"The book is very dated. It talks about them calling you and you letting your answer machine take messages and taking a long time to return their call. If you tried that these days everyone knows people have their phones on them constantly and can be reached on multiple social media platforms as well as your mobile itself. If you took a day to respond to someone they’d know you were avoiding them.

Also who goes to dances these days and waits for a guy to ask you to dance? Can’t even dance in a bar now I had a bollocking for standing up and dancing the last time I was out, plus when you’re out you have to stay at your table and no one outside of your party can join!

So what are you asking Annie? Has technology limited or stopped the opportunity for men to chase after and woo their desired woman? Or have they just had to evolve their seduction techniques?

Fuzz

That comment was just in relation to how dated the actual book was.

Main thing I’m asking is if there’s truth to men being the hunters/chasers?

The book says never initiate anything with a man, like speak to him first or ask him for a date. You can smile if they make eye contact with you and you can give your number and accept dates. You just can’t be the one to initiate them, according to the book. "

Perhaps when the book was written that was the case as it was expected of them?

I don't think it's as generalised now as it once was. Women often take the initiative now and society actually encourages this.

I remember treating a chap in his late 80's 20 years ago (was just graduated) and he said "you've no idea how lucky you are! Do you have any idea of the effort we had to put in back in the day just to be able to hold their hand, let alone kiss?? Now, you walk into any place and they'll gladly come to you and often want more than to just hold hands! Rejoice you lucky bastard, I was born in the wrong age!"

I never forgot this and to this day chuckle remembering it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t mind a little bit of chasing, but it’s really off-putting to feel you’re being made to ‘jump through hoops’ as some sort of BS test or for someone’s amusement. I lose interest very quickly when it’s like that.

I’m quite happy for women to be forward and it’s very flattering if they come to me. I’m not the loud-mouthed, swaggering gobshite type that normally gets all the attention, so getting picked out from noise of nobs like that is nice.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Women usually drop hints that they are interested but rarely initiate direct."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chase? Games? Rules?....

Is that any way to live. What happened to mutuality. Less games, more openness, more connection, more trust perhaps?

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By *tarlite123456Man
over a year ago

Leics


"I’ve just finished reading a book called The Rules, it’s a dating guide for women to find a husband!

It’s a little dated in the sense that there’s no mention of texting people, it’s all phone calls and email and going to dances. But to be a ‘rules girl’ you must never initiate anything with a man, you must wait to be asked and the reason for doing so is men are all about the chase.

So I’m asking if there is any truth to it?

Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you? "

Nothing worse than a women throwing herself at you and begging for sex.... lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a woman ive always been happy letting a guy know im interested but then i tend to hold back a bit. I dont rush in or go over the top i meet him half way. I dont think game playing is good. "

This.

I'm also quite proud (often too proud) and am very reluctant to make a fool of myself.. especially for a man. This has it's drawbacks too though....I've probably held back when it would have been more fun just to jump straight in.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

In the past If I was interested in someone I would try to “woo” them initially, depending on the woman depends on the wooing, but spending time with someone, little gifts, being there when they needed someone to talk too, being thoughtful etc.

I would judge the time and place to tell them about my feelings to be transparent about my actions. However I soon learnt that this led, every time, to being “friend zoned” in that, being a kind and thoughtful guy who was always there to listen and support, is often viewed as a good friend but not good lover material.

Now as I ripen (or age if you prefer ) I do not chase. If I like someone, I tell them as soon as I am aware that I am developing those feelings, if I am rejected (when), I am able to walk away from that experience without harm to my own feelings, yet not having to play “best friend” as the person of my former desire chooses people that are not so kind or supportive and I am left to be the ear of empathy.

Now that may all sound rather cold and harsh, but there is nothing worse (in my experience) than having developed feelings for someone only to be told “you aren’t their type, but let’s be friends” to then be honour-bound to pick up the pieces when they make choices that they later feel unhappy about.

I guess what I am saying is that, I am less inclined to put speculative effort into something (and jump through hoops as some people have said) only to have my heart broken and then have to be on hand when someone else breaks the heart of that person you once desired.

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By *orace99Man
over a year ago

York


"I've always been a bit scared of being too forward and overstepping my bounds as I wouldn't want to look like a fool if it wasn't reciprocated.

On the other hand, a woman could be practically flashing me and I'd still be wondering what her intentions were

I guess it's a case of finding someone where things click and neither side has to force it, in which case, the idea of chasing does seem a bit dated

"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In the past If I was interested in someone I would try to “woo” them initially, depending on the woman depends on the wooing, but spending time with someone, little gifts, being there when they needed someone to talk too, being thoughtful etc.

I would judge the time and place to tell them about my feelings to be transparent about my actions. However I soon learnt that this led, every time, to being “friend zoned” in that, being a kind and thoughtful guy who was always there to listen and support, is often viewed as a good friend but not good lover material.

Now as I ripen (or age if you prefer ) I do not chase. If I like someone, I tell them as soon as I am aware that I am developing those feelings, if I am rejected (when), I am able to walk away from that experience without harm to my own feelings, yet not having to play “best friend” as the person of my former desire chooses people that are not so kind or supportive and I am left to be the ear of empathy.

Now that may all sound rather cold and harsh, but there is nothing worse (in my experience) than having developed feelings for someone only to be told “you aren’t their type, but let’s be friends” to then be honour-bound to pick up the pieces when they make choices that they later feel unhappy about.

I guess what I am saying is that, I am less inclined to put speculative effort into something (and jump through hoops as some people have said) only to have my heart broken and then have to be on hand when someone else breaks the heart of that person you once desired. "

I totally get that. A lot of women friend zone the nice guys and then get into relationships with wankers who inevitably end up hurting them. I think when a woman reaches her senses she realises that the nice guy really is the better option anyway!

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"

I totally get that. A lot of women friend zone the nice guys and then get into relationships with wankers who inevitably end up hurting them. I think when a woman reaches her senses she realises that the nice guy really is the better option anyway! "

By which time said “nice guy” has moved on or given up, leading to “why aren’t their any nice guys” “what happened to olde fashioned wooing” etc.

“Too much choice will make tyrants of us all”

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By *iger-NWMan
over a year ago

Preston


"I’ve just finished reading a book called The Rules, it’s a dating guide for women to find a husband!

It’s a little dated in the sense that there’s no mention of texting people, it’s all phone calls and email and going to dances. But to be a ‘rules girl’ you must never initiate anything with a man, you must wait to be asked and the reason for doing so is men are all about the chase.

So I’m asking if there is any truth to it?

Men is it really off-putting if a woman does hand herself to you on a plate and made it easy for you?

It's Darwinian. Women couldn't figure out who the best men were so they let men compete with each other and the women allowed the best one to breed with them. That's why women typically objectify men based on status and men objectify women based on fertility."

I think women had it figured out perfectly!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually find if ladies on forums like fab contact me directly, I get rather suspicious. Probably because it's 'not the way it should be'.

A bit old fashioned I know, but men need to keep their wooing skills honed to pass on to the next gen! ??

That said, ladies, feel free to message me and demand of me the attention you deserve ??????

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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands


"Bookmarking this to see the responses from men.

I've had men in the past that didn't like it when I was forward, and I've never understood why...whilst I'm quite happy and confident enough to make the first move, I do enjoy the flip side of being "chased" as well.

If you read that book you’ll be like, hmm okay. Advice like if you have a bad nose get a nose job

But some of the stuff is quite interesting.

Says you should never ask a guy out or approach him.

Says that if a man is interested in you at all he will make it known, says theres no such thing as a shy man.

Also if a guy hasn’t secured a Saturday night date by Wednesday you’re to turn him down and say you’re busy. Definitely no meeting them on the day they ask. "

What year was this book published?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bookmarking this to see the responses from men.

I've had men in the past that didn't like it when I was forward, and I've never understood why...whilst I'm quite happy and confident enough to make the first move, I do enjoy the flip side of being "chased" as well.

If you read that book you’ll be like, hmm okay. Advice like if you have a bad nose get a nose job

But some of the stuff is quite interesting.

Says you should never ask a guy out or approach him.

Says that if a man is interested in you at all he will make it known, says theres no such thing as a shy man.

Also if a guy hasn’t secured a Saturday night date by Wednesday you’re to turn him down and say you’re busy. Definitely no meeting them on the day they ask.

What year was this book published?"

I think it was originally published in 95. Hence all the talk about phone calls and leaving your answering machine pickup messages and also emails and going to dances

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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands

[Removed by poster at 06/11/20 00:11:05]

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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands


"Bookmarking this to see the responses from men.

I've had men in the past that didn't like it when I was forward, and I've never understood why...whilst I'm quite happy and confident enough to make the first move, I do enjoy the flip side of being "chased" as well.

If you read that book you’ll be like, hmm okay. Advice like if you have a bad nose get a nose job

But some of the stuff is quite interesting.

Says you should never ask a guy out or approach him.

Says that if a man is interested in you at all he will make it known, says theres no such thing as a shy man.

Also if a guy hasn’t secured a Saturday night date by Wednesday you’re to turn him down and say you’re busy. Definitely no meeting them on the day they ask.

What year was this book published?

I think it was originally published in 95. Hence all the talk about phone calls and leaving your answering machine pickup messages and also emails and going to dances "

Shows how much men, women and relationships have changed in 25 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me if a guy was put off because I was direct in approaching him then he wouldn’t be the guy for me. I don’t want some pathetic guy whose put off by a strong woman. I want a guy whose capable of handling me

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By *ussD1Man
over a year ago

Gloucester

For some of us I think opportunities were missed by being very polite and a little insecure. I for one didn’t always pick up the signs that a woman liked it fancied me. On a few occasions In the past I really messed up, I can see it now I’m older, and should have made a move. Being approached and given no doubts about a woman’s intentions is for me really sexy even now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am old school, I love the chase, the challenge. I want to feel like I have earned my prise and not simply had it handed to me. I am definitely a grafter!

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I love the hunt. I'm a hunter myself, though when it comes down to it, and the bait had been sampled, it's all about the chase and the feeling of being pursued and claimed. I love it!

C

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"For me if a guy was put off because I was direct in approaching him then he wouldn’t be the guy for me. I don’t want some pathetic guy whose put off by a strong woman. I want a guy whose capable of handling me "

Pretty much this

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"For me if a guy was put off because I was direct in approaching him then he wouldn’t be the guy for me. I don’t want some pathetic guy whose put off by a strong woman. I want a guy whose capable of handling me "

Yes, this exactly.

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

The Rules? "Friend zone"? Fucking hell, what year is it?

"The chase" is toxic timewasting bullshit. Hoop-jumping power games.

I *love it* when women make the first move. Takes all the noxious ambiguity out of it.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire


"The Rules? "Friend zone"? Fucking hell, what year is it?

"The chase" is toxic timewasting bullshit. Hoop-jumping power games.

I *love it* when women make the first move. Takes all the noxious ambiguity out of it. "

If you find the flirting engagement to be toxic then you've clearly had some bad experiences. I only ever play if I want someone to win - or it's not much fun, is it?!

C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The book is very dated. It talks about them calling you and you letting your answer machine take messages and taking a long time to return their call. If you tried that these days everyone knows people have their phones on them constantly and can be reached on multiple social media platforms as well as your mobile itself. If you took a day to respond to someone they’d know you were avoiding them.

Also who goes to dances these days and waits for a guy to ask you to dance? Can’t even dance in a bar now I had a bollocking for standing up and dancing the last time I was out, plus when you’re out you have to stay at your table and no one outside of your party can join!

So what are you asking Annie? Has technology limited or stopped the opportunity for men to chase after and woo their desired woman? Or have they just had to evolve their seduction techniques?

Fuzz

That comment was just in relation to how dated the actual book was.

Main thing I’m asking is if there’s truth to men being the hunters/chasers?

The book says never initiate anything with a man, like speak to him first or ask him for a date. You can smile if they make eye contact with you and you can give your number and accept dates. You just can’t be the one to initiate them, according to the book. "

Aha. In that case I agree with Chill?

Sounds to me like that book was a load of patriarchal claptrap designed to keep men chivalrous and in control/leading, and women subordinate and lead, although giving the impression of being in control.

Was the book's author male or female, Annie?

Fuzz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful. "

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date "

That’s interesting. Wonder how they tackle the subject of instant text messaging and social media. The original book says don’t always be available for contact, let your machine pick up his messages. Wait a day before responding kinda thing. Nowadays everyone knows you have your phone on you all the time. You can be reached on loads of platforms. If you wait 24 or 48 hours before responding but say you posted something on your Facebook or insta and were friends with that person, they’d know you were purposely ignoring them.

I’d like to read the new rules to see how they incorporate modern times.

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

I don't mind being chased, chase me and you could be rewarded,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date

That’s interesting. Wonder how they tackle the subject of instant text messaging and social media. The original book says don’t always be available for contact, let your machine pick up his messages. Wait a day before responding kinda thing. Nowadays everyone knows you have your phone on you all the time. You can be reached on loads of platforms. If you wait 24 or 48 hours before responding but say you posted something on your Facebook or insta and were friends with that person, they’d know you were purposely ignoring them.

I’d like to read the new rules to see how they incorporate modern times. "

It says to wait 24 hours before replying to a first text. Then around 5 hours for the next text. Never be the one to add them on social media or be the one to post that your official or tag him in lots of posts etc. Never reply on a weekend as you have a life and are busy. Personally I think that is rude. If someone is too busy to reply to a text message for such a long amount of time then they are to busy to make you a part of their life. I do agree to not do all the chasing and don’t make yourself so available which can be difficult if it’s someone you really fancy but we know guys that will take a lot of what is offered that initially may of not chased

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if a man was put off by you making a move then clearly he wasn't the right guy for you, essentially if it doesn't fit with you naturally being you, then however you play or whatever rules you follow then its not going to work in my opinion, I think just be you and if they are put off by the things you do then its their loss not yours.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

It's the little tingle of adrenaline.... Will she won't she answer.....I'm equally blown away by a message out of the blue ...so though I embrace the traditional role of chaser ...it's refreshing and flattering to receive invites as well

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date

That’s interesting. Wonder how they tackle the subject of instant text messaging and social media. The original book says don’t always be available for contact, let your machine pick up his messages. Wait a day before responding kinda thing. Nowadays everyone knows you have your phone on you all the time. You can be reached on loads of platforms. If you wait 24 or 48 hours before responding but say you posted something on your Facebook or insta and were friends with that person, they’d know you were purposely ignoring them.

I’d like to read the new rules to see how they incorporate modern times.

It says to wait 24 hours before replying to a first text. Then around 5 hours for the next text. Never be the one to add them on social media or be the one to post that your official or tag him in lots of posts etc. Never reply on a weekend as you have a life and are busy. Personally I think that is rude. If someone is too busy to reply to a text message for such a long amount of time then they are to busy to make you a part of their life. I do agree to not do all the chasing and don’t make yourself so available which can be difficult if it’s someone you really fancy but we know guys that will take a lot of what is offered that initially may of not chased "

It is a bit rude isn’t it. Like especially if they are on your social media. Like if I’d messaged a guy and he didn’t respond but then saw him being active on his social media, posting memes or pointless shit I’d think well you aren’t too busy to do that but you’re too busy to reply to my message so I’d automatically think he wasn’t interested.

Things like not making yourself too available though and accessible I can get on board with.

Like my sister was dating a guy that was a bit flaky, she hadn’t heard off him for 3 weeks but Saturday morning he messaged asking her to go for dinner and I was telling her just say you’d love to but you’re busy and she was like I know but I wanna see him.

I completely knew how she felt cos if it was me I’d wanna see the guy too and buy saying no it’s kind of like cutting off your nose to spite yourself but it really doesn’t do you any favours long term. She met him that night and he’s subsequently fucked her off. But I would have done the same thing in the past. Not now. Now if I were in that situation and I guy asked to see me the same night I’d say aww I’d love to but I’ve got plans tonight.

I think doing that would make them think right ok if I wanna see her I’ll have to ask in advance next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date

That’s interesting. Wonder how they tackle the subject of instant text messaging and social media. The original book says don’t always be available for contact, let your machine pick up his messages. Wait a day before responding kinda thing. Nowadays everyone knows you have your phone on you all the time. You can be reached on loads of platforms. If you wait 24 or 48 hours before responding but say you posted something on your Facebook or insta and were friends with that person, they’d know you were purposely ignoring them.

I’d like to read the new rules to see how they incorporate modern times.

It says to wait 24 hours before replying to a first text. Then around 5 hours for the next text. Never be the one to add them on social media or be the one to post that your official or tag him in lots of posts etc. Never reply on a weekend as you have a life and are busy. Personally I think that is rude. If someone is too busy to reply to a text message for such a long amount of time then they are to busy to make you a part of their life. I do agree to not do all the chasing and don’t make yourself so available which can be difficult if it’s someone you really fancy but we know guys that will take a lot of what is offered that initially may of not chased

It is a bit rude isn’t it. Like especially if they are on your social media. Like if I’d messaged a guy and he didn’t respond but then saw him being active on his social media, posting memes or pointless shit I’d think well you aren’t too busy to do that but you’re too busy to reply to my message so I’d automatically think he wasn’t interested.

Things like not making yourself too available though and accessible I can get on board with.

Like my sister was dating a guy that was a bit flaky, she hadn’t heard off him for 3 weeks but Saturday morning he messaged asking her to go for dinner and I was telling her just say you’d love to but you’re busy and she was like I know but I wanna see him.

I completely knew how she felt cos if it was me I’d wanna see the guy too and buy saying no it’s kind of like cutting off your nose to spite yourself but it really doesn’t do you any favours long term. She met him that night and he’s subsequently fucked her off. But I would have done the same thing in the past. Not now. Now if I were in that situation and I guy asked to see me the same night I’d say aww I’d love to but I’ve got plans tonight.

I think doing that would make them think right ok if I wanna see her I’ll have to ask in advance next time. "

Yes I totally agree with that. Before covid I did have quite a busy social life so I always have to plan in advance. Guys sometimes get arsey saying awe that’s ages away. Well sorry I have a life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date

That’s interesting. Wonder how they tackle the subject of instant text messaging and social media. The original book says don’t always be available for contact, let your machine pick up his messages. Wait a day before responding kinda thing. Nowadays everyone knows you have your phone on you all the time. You can be reached on loads of platforms. If you wait 24 or 48 hours before responding but say you posted something on your Facebook or insta and were friends with that person, they’d know you were purposely ignoring them.

I’d like to read the new rules to see how they incorporate modern times.

It says to wait 24 hours before replying to a first text. Then around 5 hours for the next text. Never be the one to add them on social media or be the one to post that your official or tag him in lots of posts etc. Never reply on a weekend as you have a life and are busy. Personally I think that is rude. If someone is too busy to reply to a text message for such a long amount of time then they are to busy to make you a part of their life. I do agree to not do all the chasing and don’t make yourself so available which can be difficult if it’s someone you really fancy but we know guys that will take a lot of what is offered that initially may of not chased

It is a bit rude isn’t it. Like especially if they are on your social media. Like if I’d messaged a guy and he didn’t respond but then saw him being active on his social media, posting memes or pointless shit I’d think well you aren’t too busy to do that but you’re too busy to reply to my message so I’d automatically think he wasn’t interested.

Things like not making yourself too available though and accessible I can get on board with.

Like my sister was dating a guy that was a bit flaky, she hadn’t heard off him for 3 weeks but Saturday morning he messaged asking her to go for dinner and I was telling her just say you’d love to but you’re busy and she was like I know but I wanna see him.

I completely knew how she felt cos if it was me I’d wanna see the guy too and buy saying no it’s kind of like cutting off your nose to spite yourself but it really doesn’t do you any favours long term. She met him that night and he’s subsequently fucked her off. But I would have done the same thing in the past. Not now. Now if I were in that situation and I guy asked to see me the same night I’d say aww I’d love to but I’ve got plans tonight.

I think doing that would make them think right ok if I wanna see her I’ll have to ask in advance next time. "

She hasn’t heard from him with even ONE message for 3 weeks?!?!

Come on, everybody knows that’s just a complete cunt and looking to get his balls emptied!!!

What was he - undercover for the whole time in Sierra Leone? Lol

Why would any self respecting person go back to a guy/woman who ignored for 3 weeks. If you do that then you want your head examined. She’s just attracting dickheads into her life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the past If I was interested in someone I would try to “woo” them initially, depending on the woman depends on the wooing, but spending time with someone, little gifts, being there when they needed someone to talk too, being thoughtful etc.

I would judge the time and place to tell them about my feelings to be transparent about my actions. However I soon learnt that this led, every time, to being “friend zoned” in that, being a kind and thoughtful guy who was always there to listen and support, is often viewed as a good friend but not good lover material.

Now as I ripen (or age if you prefer ) I do not chase. If I like someone, I tell them as soon as I am aware that I am developing those feelings, if I am rejected (when), I am able to walk away from that experience without harm to my own feelings, yet not having to play “best friend” as the person of my former desire chooses people that are not so kind or supportive and I am left to be the ear of empathy.

Now that may all sound rather cold and harsh, but there is nothing worse (in my experience) than having developed feelings for someone only to be told “you aren’t their type, but let’s be friends” to then be honour-bound to pick up the pieces when they make choices that they later feel unhappy about.

I guess what I am saying is that, I am less inclined to put speculative effort into something (and jump through hoops as some people have said) only to have my heart broken and then have to be on hand when someone else breaks the heart of that person you once desired.

I totally get that. A lot of women friend zone the nice guys and then get into relationships with wankers who inevitably end up hurting them. I think when a woman reaches her senses she realises that the nice guy really is the better option anyway! "

Or when the dicks have mugged her off and she needs something to fall back on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man chases a woman until she catches him"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date

That’s interesting. Wonder how they tackle the subject of instant text messaging and social media. The original book says don’t always be available for contact, let your machine pick up his messages. Wait a day before responding kinda thing. Nowadays everyone knows you have your phone on you all the time. You can be reached on loads of platforms. If you wait 24 or 48 hours before responding but say you posted something on your Facebook or insta and were friends with that person, they’d know you were purposely ignoring them.

I’d like to read the new rules to see how they incorporate modern times.

It says to wait 24 hours before replying to a first text. Then around 5 hours for the next text. Never be the one to add them on social media or be the one to post that your official or tag him in lots of posts etc. Never reply on a weekend as you have a life and are busy. Personally I think that is rude. If someone is too busy to reply to a text message for such a long amount of time then they are to busy to make you a part of their life. I do agree to not do all the chasing and don’t make yourself so available which can be difficult if it’s someone you really fancy but we know guys that will take a lot of what is offered that initially may of not chased

It is a bit rude isn’t it. Like especially if they are on your social media. Like if I’d messaged a guy and he didn’t respond but then saw him being active on his social media, posting memes or pointless shit I’d think well you aren’t too busy to do that but you’re too busy to reply to my message so I’d automatically think he wasn’t interested.

Things like not making yourself too available though and accessible I can get on board with.

Like my sister was dating a guy that was a bit flaky, she hadn’t heard off him for 3 weeks but Saturday morning he messaged asking her to go for dinner and I was telling her just say you’d love to but you’re busy and she was like I know but I wanna see him.

I completely knew how she felt cos if it was me I’d wanna see the guy too and buy saying no it’s kind of like cutting off your nose to spite yourself but it really doesn’t do you any favours long term. She met him that night and he’s subsequently fucked her off. But I would have done the same thing in the past. Not now. Now if I were in that situation and I guy asked to see me the same night I’d say aww I’d love to but I’ve got plans tonight.

I think doing that would make them think right ok if I wanna see her I’ll have to ask in advance next time.

She hasn’t heard from him with even ONE message for 3 weeks?!?!

Come on, everybody knows that’s just a complete cunt and looking to get his balls emptied!!!

What was he - undercover for the whole time in Sierra Leone? Lol

Why would any self respecting person go back to a guy/woman who ignored for 3 weeks. If you do that then you want your head examined. She’s just attracting dickheads into her life. "

It’s very easy for someone not emotionally involved to see this but when your the one with feelings it’s not so easy. As they say love is blind. We fall for the bullshit they say. Oh I’ve missed you so much I need to see you sorry I’ve had a lot on. Even when there is that little voice in the back of your head saying don’t fall for it you let them back in because you want to see them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, all the guys I’m not interested in are the ones who pursue me hard because I’m being closed off and ‘a challenge’ without even realising I’m doing it. But as soon as a guy knows I’m into him he backs off! If I could act like I am with the guys I’m not interested in the same as the guys I am interested in I might be more successful.

I feel the exact same way. It’s an interesting book and does make you think in a slightly different way. They did bring out a more updated one called the new rules that include texting and social media to bring it more up to date

That’s interesting. Wonder how they tackle the subject of instant text messaging and social media. The original book says don’t always be available for contact, let your machine pick up his messages. Wait a day before responding kinda thing. Nowadays everyone knows you have your phone on you all the time. You can be reached on loads of platforms. If you wait 24 or 48 hours before responding but say you posted something on your Facebook or insta and were friends with that person, they’d know you were purposely ignoring them.

I’d like to read the new rules to see how they incorporate modern times.

It says to wait 24 hours before replying to a first text. Then around 5 hours for the next text. Never be the one to add them on social media or be the one to post that your official or tag him in lots of posts etc. Never reply on a weekend as you have a life and are busy. Personally I think that is rude. If someone is too busy to reply to a text message for such a long amount of time then they are to busy to make you a part of their life. I do agree to not do all the chasing and don’t make yourself so available which can be difficult if it’s someone you really fancy but we know guys that will take a lot of what is offered that initially may of not chased

It is a bit rude isn’t it. Like especially if they are on your social media. Like if I’d messaged a guy and he didn’t respond but then saw him being active on his social media, posting memes or pointless shit I’d think well you aren’t too busy to do that but you’re too busy to reply to my message so I’d automatically think he wasn’t interested.

Things like not making yourself too available though and accessible I can get on board with.

Like my sister was dating a guy that was a bit flaky, she hadn’t heard off him for 3 weeks but Saturday morning he messaged asking her to go for dinner and I was telling her just say you’d love to but you’re busy and she was like I know but I wanna see him.

I completely knew how she felt cos if it was me I’d wanna see the guy too and buy saying no it’s kind of like cutting off your nose to spite yourself but it really doesn’t do you any favours long term. She met him that night and he’s subsequently fucked her off. But I would have done the same thing in the past. Not now. Now if I were in that situation and I guy asked to see me the same night I’d say aww I’d love to but I’ve got plans tonight.

I think doing that would make them think right ok if I wanna see her I’ll have to ask in advance next time.

She hasn’t heard from him with even ONE message for 3 weeks?!?!

Come on, everybody knows that’s just a complete cunt and looking to get his balls emptied!!!

What was he - undercover for the whole time in Sierra Leone? Lol

Why would any self respecting person go back to a guy/woman who ignored for 3 weeks. If you do that then you want your head examined. She’s just attracting dickheads into her life.

It’s very easy for someone not emotionally involved to see this but when your the one with feelings it’s not so easy. As they say love is blind. We fall for the bullshit they say. Oh I’ve missed you so much I need to see you sorry I’ve had a lot on. Even when there is that little voice in the back of your head saying don’t fall for it you let them back in because you want to see them "

I completely agree with what you’re saying about not being able to see outside the situation - in the vast majority of cases.

But 3 weeks of no contact is pushing it surely? How long had the being dating by that point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The mentality is still lingering with insecure men who think there's some secret to attracting women.

That's where the whole 'Red Pill' and 'Seduction' thing came from. It's bred sexism and mysogyny among men young and old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It’s very easy for someone not emotionally involved to see this but when your the one with feelings it’s not so easy. As they say love is blind. We fall for the bullshit they say. Oh I’ve missed you so much I need to see you sorry I’ve had a lot on. Even when there is that little voice in the back of your head saying don’t fall for it you let them back in because you want to see them "

The responsibility is on us not to enable that kind of behaviour

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think the only person I've effectively chased was my ex-wife and the fact she's an ex tells the story there. Most other relationships I have had have evolved naturally or come from a position of equality rather than either person chasing the other.

Would it bother me if someone "chased" me? Not in the slightest if I was as attracted to them as they were me, which would be needed for any kind of relationship to happen.

To put it into a Fab perspective, it's no different from a woman messaging me first, and that has happened and hasn't bothered me in the slightest.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think anyone of any gender can be a bit off-putting, if they are too fullon in their interest of another.

I think culturally we have men who prefer to 'win' a woman, it's a bit of a hangover from a former era.

Game playing isn't generally good, though being sensitive to how you are affecting others is

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Different for everyone I guess. Personally we have always been completely open and honest with each other and I feel we would be the same with 'A N other' if she ever appears.

It would be nice to be the pursued and know someone is very attracted to us. Certainly wouldn't be any less successful for them with us thats for sure lol

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"The Rules? "Friend zone"? Fucking hell, what year is it?

"The chase" is toxic timewasting bullshit. Hoop-jumping power games.

I *love it* when women make the first move. Takes all the noxious ambiguity out of it.

If you find the flirting engagement to be toxic then you've clearly had some bad experiences. I only ever play if I want someone to win - or it's not much fun, is it?!

C"

Someone playing games with you isn't fun either.

Person A wants to do rude things with Person B.

Person B wants to do rude things with Person A.

Person A then deliberately obfuscates what they want and makes Person B run in circles and do tricks and shake paws for treats in the hopes that Person A actually gives them an unambiguous yes or no.

It's inconsiderate. It's manipulative. It's actively cruel.

Just use your grown-up words. Respect other people by clearly spelling out what you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The Rules? "Friend zone"? Fucking hell, what year is it?

"The chase" is toxic timewasting bullshit. Hoop-jumping power games.

I *love it* when women make the first move. Takes all the noxious ambiguity out of it.

If you find the flirting engagement to be toxic then you've clearly had some bad experiences. I only ever play if I want someone to win - or it's not much fun, is it?!

C

Someone playing games with you isn't fun either.

Person A wants to do rude things with Person B.

Person B wants to do rude things with Person A.

Person A then deliberately obfuscates what they want and makes Person B run in circles and do tricks and shake paws for treats in the hopes that Person A actually gives them an unambiguous yes or no.

It's inconsiderate. It's manipulative. It's actively cruel.

Just use your grown-up words. Respect other people by clearly spelling out what you want. "

Makes sense to me

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By *heLaserGuyMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I think the chase should be mutual, I loose interest very quickly if it seems I'm doing all the running.

It's all about communication, you can usually tell when it's going nowhere.

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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)

Think it probably depends on the man. Personally I appreciate enough of a hint that I know she's at least a little interested then I'll take it from there.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Fed up of the games, getting too old for it. I just want long walks with a pub lunch at the end of it. Theatre or Cinema partner, a DVD with a bottle of wine on a Friday night. Someone to talk with whilst at the park with my children.

Just the basics the sex part we could work on, practice makes perfect

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

If someone never initiated a call to me, I'd probably feel that they were not interested and trying to ghost me.

If she says no, I'll take it as a no, not 'try harder'.

And I'm not great at picking up subtle hints.

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By *ussD1Man
over a year ago

Gloucester


"The Rules? "Friend zone"? Fucking hell, what year is it?

"The chase" is toxic timewasting bullshit. Hoop-jumping power games.

I *love it* when women make the first move. Takes all the noxious ambiguity out of it. "

This

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

[Removed by poster at 07/11/20 09:46:36]

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I prefer mutual chasing to be honest to keep the passion going and sometimes even more from the male part

However, If I feel like chasing more, or feel like I’m the one initiating most of the time, I eventually loose interest for that person. Assuming this is the difference being a woman in the chase

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If someone never initiated a call to me, I'd probably feel that they were not interested and trying to ghost me.

If she says no, I'll take it as a no, not 'try harder'.

And I'm not great at picking up subtle hints."

The chase isn’t really about being told no.

It’s more like just not being asked.

Like the woman asking if you’d like to have a date or see her.

It’s waiting for the man to ask and then saying yes (if she’s interested of course).

I’ve been guilty of asking guys to do stuff but I’m not doing it anymore. If you don’t ask you can’t get hurt if they say no!

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