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Significant changes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

In 2017 my life started to massively change. This was down to may small almost insignificant alterations predominantly in my perceptions of self, society and life. There was no one major incident or reason, but in due to the culmination of realisations I couldn’t keep living the way I had.

This all started with a mere conversation and reading a book...

What significant changes have you encountered possibly over small discoveries...what impact has it had good or bad or what have you learnt?

Yes I’m being nosey...people and why we do what we do...decisions made intrigue me...

Also....perhaps slightly bored and avoiding a little work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/11/20 12:22:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In 2017 my life started to massively change. This was down to may small almost insignificant alterations predominantly in my perceptions of self, society and life. There was no one major incident or reason, but in due to the culmination of realisations I couldn’t keep living the way I had.

This all started with a mere conversation and reading a book...

What significant changes have you encountered possibly over small discoveries...what impact has it had good or bad or what have you learnt?

Yes I’m being nosey...people and why we do what we do...decisions made intrigue me...

Also....perhaps slightly bored and avoiding a little work "

Interested in what this book was?

I would say similar in terms of my perception of society, right and wrong and self, especially in breakdown in a relationships. You Identify what is important and what isn’t ultimately.

Led in part from a book also, the ragged trousered philanthropists...

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

At the beginning of 2017, I had to learn to live my life entirely differently and be a totally different kind of parent to my newborn daughter than I'd been to my son. I had to learn to give up a lot of my independence, some of which I have regained, but much of which I have not. I had to learn to let S do more, I hate it.

Basically, the very natural process of pregnancy left me with a permanent nerve injury affecting my left hip, leg and foot. Getting my car adapted to have a hand operated clutch in 2018 and getting my wheelchair only last year revolutionised my life and gave me some of my life back, but it's a very different life.

But it's ok "at least I have a healthy baby"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"At the beginning of 2017, I had to learn to live my life entirely differently and be a totally different kind of parent to my newborn daughter than I'd been to my son. I had to learn to give up a lot of my independence, some of which I have regained, but much of which I have not. I had to learn to let S do more, I hate it.

Basically, the very natural process of pregnancy left me with a permanent nerve injury affecting my left hip, leg and foot. Getting my car adapted to have a hand operated clutch in 2018 and getting my wheelchair only last year revolutionised my life and gave me some of my life back, but it's a very different life.

But it's ok "at least I have a healthy baby" "

That's a massive adjustment to make. How are you feeling about it all now? People don't half make some insensitive comments don't they.

My mum said she used to dream that she was running after she broke her back.

A friend of mine lost his hearing overnight when a firework exploded next to him, it took him a long time to adjust.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I started walking miles when i got my first dog. From there i started to jog and then run. Nothing too fancy but i have done several 10k. It is remarkable how your body shape changes by doing some small things.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"At the beginning of 2017, I had to learn to live my life entirely differently and be a totally different kind of parent to my newborn daughter than I'd been to my son. I had to learn to give up a lot of my independence, some of which I have regained, but much of which I have not. I had to learn to let S do more, I hate it.

Basically, the very natural process of pregnancy left me with a permanent nerve injury affecting my left hip, leg and foot. Getting my car adapted to have a hand operated clutch in 2018 and getting my wheelchair only last year revolutionised my life and gave me some of my life back, but it's a very different life.

But it's ok "at least I have a healthy baby"

That's a massive adjustment to make. How are you feeling about it all now? People don't half make some insensitive comments don't they.

My mum said she used to dream that she was running after she broke her back.

A friend of mine lost his hearing overnight when a firework exploded next to him, it took him a long time to adjust."

These are massive adjustments and are shockingly life changing. The strength it takes and the toll it takes to make the adaptations ore monumental. Something I don’t think without going through any of us can truly comprehend.x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I started walking miles when i got my first dog. From there i started to jog and then run. Nothing too fancy but i have done several 10k. It is remarkable how your body shape changes by doing some small things."

little things! Yes it’s how I fell in love with exercise

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In 2017 my life started to massively change. This was down to may small almost insignificant alterations predominantly in my perceptions of self, society and life. There was no one major incident or reason, but in due to the culmination of realisations I couldn’t keep living the way I had.

This all started with a mere conversation and reading a book...

What significant changes have you encountered possibly over small discoveries...what impact has it had good or bad or what have you learnt?

Yes I’m being nosey...people and why we do what we do...decisions made intrigue me...

Also....perhaps slightly bored and avoiding a little work

Interested in what this book was?

I would say similar in terms of my perception of society, right and wrong and self, especially in breakdown in a relationships. You Identify what is important and what isn’t ultimately.

Led in part from a book also, the ragged trousered philanthropists..."

I shall have to have a look at the book!

Mating in captivity was the book i read..very much made me question certain beliefs.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I think much like yourself it was a culmination of small realisations for me...it eventually dawned on me that I was merely existing instead of living.

Thank goodness it did...the changes I made mean that I have had some fantastic experiences, and have met some truly wonderful people

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think much like yourself it was a culmination of small realisations for me...it eventually dawned on me that I was merely existing instead of living.

Thank goodness it did...the changes I made mean that I have had some fantastic experiences, and have met some truly wonderful people "

Very much the same.x

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Big changes are like adrenaline hits for me, so whenever I feel antsy and nothing can settle me then I know its time, normally I will go for a home, job and car change every 4/5 years, I do wonder If I will ever settle down and be satisfied for a longer term hmmmmm

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

All of my moments have been cataclysmic. The little things have been recovering from the shock waves. Gritting my teeth and working out how to move forward. That takes really boring perseverance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Six years ago I suffered a slipped disc kicking a ball about with my kids. An op to fix it is too risky so I have to manage it and can’t do any proper physical exercise anymore. It’s massively restricted what I can do and it’s recently dawned on me that it’s changed my life and I’ve struggled to accept it. All from kicking a ball the moral: make the most of every moment you can,

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"At the beginning of 2017, I had to learn to live my life entirely differently and be a totally different kind of parent to my newborn daughter than I'd been to my son. I had to learn to give up a lot of my independence, some of which I have regained, but much of which I have not. I had to learn to let S do more, I hate it.

Basically, the very natural process of pregnancy left me with a permanent nerve injury affecting my left hip, leg and foot. Getting my car adapted to have a hand operated clutch in 2018 and getting my wheelchair only last year revolutionised my life and gave me some of my life back, but it's a very different life.

But it's ok "at least I have a healthy baby"

That's a massive adjustment to make. How are you feeling about it all now? People don't half make some insensitive comments don't they.

My mum said she used to dream that she was running after she broke her back.

A friend of mine lost his hearing overnight when a firework exploded next to him, it took him a long time to adjust."

On most days, I've accepted it and learned to adapt and overcome, but sometimes things happen that really slap you in the face and remind you that no, you aren't a "normal" citizen anymore. Like finding out places you want to visit don't have wheelchair access and are rude/dismissive when you ring or whizzing happily along the street only to find nowhere with dropped kerbs to cross safely. A recent trip to Birmingham highlighted how even modern buildings can be built without disability access properly considered. The very modern hotel has a raised area outside the front door to facilitate people getting in/out of cars, but there was nowhere built-in with a dropped section. The only way up was to wait for a security guard to put a rickety wooden ramp up manually and you couldn't get in/out if the security guard wasn't there. If I'd been alone, I'd have no way of alerting the guard to my presence because his security kiosk was up the step. Just a simple lack of foresight in the design meant anyone needing a ramp immediately loses their independence but it was utterly unnecessary. Things like that make me angry and really spoiled what will be our only break away all year, because I was reminded every time we came and went.

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I remember being 33

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"At the beginning of 2017, I had to learn to live my life entirely differently and be a totally different kind of parent to my newborn daughter than I'd been to my son. I had to learn to give up a lot of my independence, some of which I have regained, but much of which I have not. I had to learn to let S do more, I hate it.

Basically, the very natural process of pregnancy left me with a permanent nerve injury affecting my left hip, leg and foot. Getting my car adapted to have a hand operated clutch in 2018 and getting my wheelchair only last year revolutionised my life and gave me some of my life back, but it's a very different life.

But it's ok "at least I have a healthy baby"

That's a massive adjustment to make. How are you feeling about it all now? People don't half make some insensitive comments don't they.

My mum said she used to dream that she was running after she broke her back.

A friend of mine lost his hearing overnight when a firework exploded next to him, it took him a long time to adjust.

On most days, I've accepted it and learned to adapt and overcome, but sometimes things happen that really slap you in the face and remind you that no, you aren't a "normal" citizen anymore. Like finding out places you want to visit don't have wheelchair access and are rude/dismissive when you ring or whizzing happily along the street only to find nowhere with dropped kerbs to cross safely. A recent trip to Birmingham highlighted how even modern buildings can be built without disability access properly considered. The very modern hotel has a raised area outside the front door to facilitate people getting in/out of cars, but there was nowhere built-in with a dropped section. The only way up was to wait for a security guard to put a rickety wooden ramp up manually and you couldn't get in/out if the security guard wasn't there. If I'd been alone, I'd have no way of alerting the guard to my presence because his security kiosk was up the step. Just a simple lack of foresight in the design meant anyone needing a ramp immediately loses their independence but it was utterly unnecessary. Things like that make me angry and really spoiled what will be our only break away all year, because I was reminded every time we came and went. "

my mum had to use the back entrance to a hotel they stayed at as if she was an inconvenience. Don't get me started on access to trains.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Six years ago I had to make a life changing choice brought about by severe financial distress. Left my family behind and began working in the UK, quickly realising there was likely no turning back. I've had to balance the mental anguish and guilt of not being always present as my children grow up with the realisation that they've a comfortable life due to my choice. Being on my own again the past few years has certainly been a journey of self discovery as well.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.


"At the beginning of 2017, I had to learn to live my life entirely differently and be a totally different kind of parent to my newborn daughter than I'd been to my son. I had to learn to give up a lot of my independence, some of which I have regained, but much of which I have not. I had to learn to let S do more, I hate it.

Basically, the very natural process of pregnancy left me with a permanent nerve injury affecting my left hip, leg and foot. Getting my car adapted to have a hand operated clutch in 2018 and getting my wheelchair only last year revolutionised my life and gave me some of my life back, but it's a very different life.

But it's ok "at least I have a healthy baby" "

Oh, bless.

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant


"At the beginning of 2017, I had to learn to live my life entirely differently and be a totally different kind of parent to my newborn daughter than I'd been to my son. I had to learn to give up a lot of my independence, some of which I have regained, but much of which I have not. I had to learn to let S do more, I hate it.

Basically, the very natural process of pregnancy left me with a permanent nerve injury affecting my left hip, leg and foot. Getting my car adapted to have a hand operated clutch in 2018 and getting my wheelchair only last year revolutionised my life and gave me some of my life back, but it's a very different life.

But it's ok "at least I have a healthy baby"

That's a massive adjustment to make. How are you feeling about it all now? People don't half make some insensitive comments don't they.

My mum said she used to dream that she was running after she broke her back.

A friend of mine lost his hearing overnight when a firework exploded next to him, it took him a long time to adjust.

On most days, I've accepted it and learned to adapt and overcome, but sometimes things happen that really slap you in the face and remind you that no, you aren't a "normal" citizen anymore. Like finding out places you want to visit don't have wheelchair access and are rude/dismissive when you ring or whizzing happily along the street only to find nowhere with dropped kerbs to cross safely. A recent trip to Birmingham highlighted how even modern buildings can be built without disability access properly considered. The very modern hotel has a raised area outside the front door to facilitate people getting in/out of cars, but there was nowhere built-in with a dropped section. The only way up was to wait for a security guard to put a rickety wooden ramp up manually and you couldn't get in/out if the security guard wasn't there. If I'd been alone, I'd have no way of alerting the guard to my presence because his security kiosk was up the step. Just a simple lack of foresight in the design meant anyone needing a ramp immediately loses their independence but it was utterly unnecessary. Things like that make me angry and really spoiled what will be our only break away all year, because I was reminded every time we came and went. "

That's sad to hear as all new buildings must allow access for all and should not pose a barrier to anyone due to the Disability Discrimination Act. A builder is not allowed to use money as an excuse not to provide accessibility.

I would have written to the hotel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Six years ago I suffered a slipped disc kicking a ball about with my kids. An op to fix it is too risky so I have to manage it and can’t do any proper physical exercise anymore. It’s massively restricted what I can do and it’s recently dawned on me that it’s changed my life and I’ve struggled to accept it. All from kicking a ball the moral: make the most of every moment you can, "

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"In 2017 my life started to massively change. This was down to may small almost insignificant alterations predominantly in my perceptions of self, society and life. There was no one major incident or reason, but in due to the culmination of realisations I couldn’t keep living the way I had.

This all started with a mere conversation and reading a book...

What significant changes have you encountered possibly over small discoveries...what impact has it had good or bad or what have you learnt?

Yes I’m being nosey...people and why we do what we do...decisions made intrigue me...

Also....perhaps slightly bored and avoiding a little work "

So what decisions did you make OP ?

I think it’s the small handful of big decisions/choices over 20-30 years that typically got you to exactly where you are right now. They are the really hard choices which is why so few people make them and so many people are unhappy with how their lives turned out.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"In 2017 my life started to massively change. This was down to may small almost insignificant alterations predominantly in my perceptions of self, society and life. There was no one major incident or reason, but in due to the culmination of realisations I couldn’t keep living the way I had.

This all started with a mere conversation and reading a book...

What significant changes have you encountered possibly over small discoveries...what impact has it had good or bad or what have you learnt?

Yes I’m being nosey...people and why we do what we do...decisions made intrigue me...

Also....perhaps slightly bored and avoiding a little work

So what decisions did you make OP ?

I think it’s the small handful of big decisions/choices over 20-30 years that typically got you to exactly where you are right now. They are the really hard choices which is why so few people make them and so many people are unhappy with how their lives turned out.

"

I've had a few crushing moments in my life where I've had to decide. Do or die.

Dying would be easier. But even at my most downtrodden my subconscious roars in protest and won't allow it. Yeah, I've tried, many times. It's the most wonderful form of failure, I suppose.

I'm not sure I always "do" right. It's all cumulative. One foot in front of the other. Some days just keep from drowning by an inch. It's enough. I hang on. Hopefully I build. I endure. That's enough.

This month I've outlived my childhood prognosis by a decade.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In 2017 my life started to massively change. This was down to may small almost insignificant alterations predominantly in my perceptions of self, society and life. There was no one major incident or reason, but in due to the culmination of realisations I couldn’t keep living the way I had.

This all started with a mere conversation and reading a book...

What significant changes have you encountered possibly over small discoveries...what impact has it had good or bad or what have you learnt?

Yes I’m being nosey...people and why we do what we do...decisions made intrigue me...

Also....perhaps slightly bored and avoiding a little work

So what decisions did you make OP ?

I think it’s the small handful of big decisions/choices over 20-30 years that typically got you to exactly where you are right now. They are the really hard choices which is why so few people make them and so many people are unhappy with how their lives turned out.

I've had a few crushing moments in my life where I've had to decide. Do or die.

Dying would be easier. But even at my most downtrodden my subconscious roars in protest and won't allow it. Yeah, I've tried, many times. It's the most wonderful form of failure, I suppose.

I'm not sure I always "do" right. It's all cumulative. One foot in front of the other. Some days just keep from drowning by an inch. It's enough. I hang on. Hopefully I build. I endure. That's enough.

This month I've outlived my childhood prognosis by a decade."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the biggest changes I made in my life was walking away from my marriage knowing it wasn't good for my health anymore. After that I realised I needed a fresh start so I packed up and moved to a different county. I've made big and small changes over the years to get me to where I am and try and keep myself and my children as happy as possible. Admittedly my motivation has lacked a bit this year but I know I'll get back there again and I've still jumped hurdles I never thought I would ever jump so I'm happy with that.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"One of the biggest changes I made in my life was walking away from my marriage knowing it wasn't good for my health anymore. After that I realised I needed a fresh start so I packed up and moved to a different county. I've made big and small changes over the years to get me to where I am and try and keep myself and my children as happy as possible. Admittedly my motivation has lacked a bit this year but I know I'll get back there again and I've still jumped hurdles I never thought I would ever jump so I'm happy with that. "

Sometimes treading water is a victory, too.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Probably my smallest moment like this... I remember vividly the hospital visit from a dear friend. I was struggling along on my Zimmer frame and heard behind me "Jesus (Swing), you don't do anything by halves!"

True

Probably the easiest of my huge changes. The most visible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

4 years ago I started having random episodes of extreme nausea and vomiting lasting up to 10 days

. I've had about 6 episodes every year since then. When I was pregnant in late 2017 early 2018 I lost 3 stone and had over 30 hospital admissions due to constant vomiting. My kid's father who was working overseas at the time made every excuse not to come home and help me. I had a 3 year old to look after and I really wasn't able. There were days I just lay in bed while he lay beside me watching YouTube videos. When I was in hospital he never knew which bed he would sleep in that night. The little support I had rapidly diminished as people were getting tired of my complaining and in and out of hospital. I was told basically to suck it up. My sister called me one day and told me I "have to come home" because she didn't want to watch my son. After the I had the baby, and the Dad came home, I found out he had been fucking around, so that relationship ended. I should have known what was going on (he was the one to introduced me to this site and is sex mad) but I guess my illness took over and my mind didn't go there! To say I was devastated is an understatement. My whole world fell apart and I felt an anger inside of me I didn't even know was possible. He went back to work abroad and I was left to raise our 2 boys. Other relationships ended. I stopped speaking to my own mother after how cruelly she spoke to me one day I had asked for help when I was ill. I resented my sister for not trying to be a bit nicer to me when I was practically half dead. My Nan died, she had raised me from a baby and was my one person I could always vent to. After she died there was a row over her will, or lack of one and the whole family divided into little groups. I didn't attend my own brother's wedding.

I've moved house and gotten a job which I LOVE and I raise my boys single-handedly, I have nobody to turn to for a small loan if I am running short, nobody to pick my son up from school if I am running late. I have a couple of "friends" but really I'm on my own. My tolerance for people and their bullshit and lame excuses has gotten so so low. I keep myself to myself most of the time.

I've gotten used to it but I do feel loneliness. I'm definitely bitter although that is lessening... A Lot has changed me, but I am so strong. And after all we are always growing, always learning.

Change is inevitable. x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

I've gotten used to it but I do feel loneliness. I'm definitely bitter although that is lessening... A Lot has changed me, but I am so strong. And after all we are always growing, always learning.

Change is inevitable. x"

All respect to you.

We are forged from the fire x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In 2017 my life started to massively change. This was down to may small almost insignificant alterations predominantly in my perceptions of self, society and life. There was no one major incident or reason, but in due to the culmination of realisations I couldn’t keep living the way I had.

This all started with a mere conversation and reading a book...

What significant changes have you encountered possibly over small discoveries...what impact has it had good or bad or what have you learnt?

Yes I’m being nosey...people and why we do what we do...decisions made intrigue me...

Also....perhaps slightly bored and avoiding a little work

So what decisions did you make OP ?

I think it’s the small handful of big decisions/choices over 20-30 years that typically got you to exactly where you are right now. They are the really hard choices which is why so few people make them and so many people are unhappy with how their lives turned out.

"

It’s amazing reading everyone’s stories. I wasn’t expecting the experiences that have been told so thank you!!

.I hadn’t been happy for a long time much the feeling of nothing, not sad not depressed just nothing. Even though I’d learnt after baby number 3 (which landed me in intensive care) that despite being married and family essentially I was on my own...I accepted this as my life.

Studying psychology I came across Esther Perel, read her book and it made me question my own morals and what they were shaped the way they were. I moved jobs after my husband was made redundant and refused to look for work, and met a friend...who also asked a few simple questions... it took me some time but I stopped living for other people. I stopped pretending that I was happy holding everything together hoping their happiness would make mine!

Yes life is far more difficult but I’m a happier better mum...a fuller person who is held to my own account.

Had it not been for that book,(which lead to others) and one conversation I wonder if I’d made the changes...a series of seemingly minuscule interactions which changed my life. For that I’ll always be grateful.x

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

My life changed last year after a succession of major life events happened in quick succession... the first two almost broke me but I survived with the help of my loving wife..

To then find out that my “Loving” wife had been cheating on me while I was going through some very difficult family trauma was an immense shock and utterly heartbreaking.

Overnight my world changed irrevocably.

Thankfully I’m in a much better place physically and mentally than I was then

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