FabSwingers.com forum: Abuse for saying no

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Its starting to happen alot to me now. at least once a day.

Yeah you can report to the fab admins but they dont do much it seems I dont think I've ever seen a account deleted though abuse.

Is they anything I can do to stop it? just grow some harder skin or leave? Lol

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

You can change your filters blocking blokes ..or change your age limits to only here from what I hope are the more mature blokes you seek

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You can change your filters blocking blokes ..or change your age limits to only here from what I hope are the more mature blokes you seek

Why? Why cant men not just send abuse? Simple really website has admins as well who can stay on top of stuff. I shouldnt have to change my stuff because people cant read or are to nasty. The fact that changing your age range is the first thing people aim to rather then get them off the site is a joke

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Sad to say it's all part of fabs! And u right it shouldn't happen! I dont let it get to me anymore just move on some cant take rejection! Dont leave through it hugs xx

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

Unfortunately it’s happens regularly especially for the lady’s on fab when people don’t get the response they want it’s like I’ve joined fab so I’m guaranteed to get my willy wet as someone above has advised perhaps review you’re filters and if they are pestering you remind them about that nasty virus going about at the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I very rarely get abuse on here.

When my profile was geared towards meeting people, if I wasn’t interested in someone, I’d say it was because they lived too far, couldn’t accommodate etc, rather than saying it was because I didn’t find them attractive.

Now, if I get a message, I usually just delete it without replying at all and I don’t get any abuse in return.

I think how you (generic you) reject someone can be the difference between getting abuse or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately there are men on here who think it is acceptable to abuse woman. As a single bloke on here it can be frustrating but that's no excuse. I get a lot of 'you're not my type'messages. I normally just thank them and wish them good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say yes? Then block

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By *itsAndTangentsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

We generally just ignore the messages / profiles we don't like rather than reply with no'which really cuts out of the amount of BS you get back, failing that the block button is always an option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I very rarely get abuse on here.

Now, if I get a message, I usually just delete it without replying at all and I don’t get any abuse in return.

I think how you (generic you) reject someone can be the difference between getting abuse or not."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally delete now without replying as it always makes them send more messages. I get abuse for not replying sometimes but just refer them to my profile text or if they have really annoyed me I retort with “I’m as you have described, yet still don’t want you” as that kind of stumps them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can change your filters blocking blokes ..or change your age limits to only here from what I hope are the more mature blokes you seek

You asked if there was anything you can do to stop it. He's a nice guy and just trying to help. Why are you snapping at him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Weve managed to now avoid abuse. Simply by fucking everyone that messages. Its easier that way....

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Once you reply you open your inbox to return messages, unless you then block that person.

Unfortunately the safest option is not to reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have had this as a couple lots! Sounds brutal, but if your never going to meet them, for whatever reason, then as soon as you read message and you know, just block. That way you won't get them bothering you again x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"You can change your filters blocking blokes ..or change your age limits to only here from what I hope are the more mature blokes you seek

I agree that you shouldn't *have* to do that and anyone should accept a polite no thanks with good grace but sadly in this modern age, where the anonymity of a keyboard allows it, some will always get abusive regardless of the site type.

A couple of points though - whilst deleting a profile is of course an option, it's very easy to simply create another one and start again so that doesn't really solve the problem, although agree in extreme cases it should be.

Also admin/mods are mostly volunteers who give their time freely and there's not a constant 24/7 help desk running the site which the admin effort required for what you are talking about would require so again not entirely practical. There's also an element of investigation required to confirm what is being reported that adds to the management overhead required.

So the only real option open to you is to firstly continue reporting abuse and secondly to protect yourself as much as you can by using filters, the block feature and not replying to every message etc - sad I know but also all you can do really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Weve managed to now avoid abuse. Simply by fucking everyone that messages. Its easier that way....

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I must admit i seldom get abuse. The only real hassle i have had on here was from 2 females.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I used to get heaps of abuse. I found I got less by deleting without replying.

But we shouldn't have to try to find the magical formula that will convey our wishes without tripping off abuse. People should respect our bodily autonomy.

It's a societal problem unfortunately. People should not feel entitled to others, their time, attention, and bodies.

But instead we get told to use our filters, to toughen up, to rethink rejection, to change our preferences (btw the 60+ set can be horrifyingly abusive too).

Nope. Those who abuse should stop it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can change your filters blocking blokes ..or change your age limits to only here from what I hope are the more mature blokes you seek

Aww bless your heart.....

You think administration has time to filter through your complaints, when you can simply block single men from contacting you....

Hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block and move on. If you can't handle those messages, use the message filters or leave Fab. Be the bigger person here and rise above the idiots who think it's ok to send those sort of messages.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

As women we've developed tactics for dealing with unwanted attention and worse since we were way too young. Thing is, we all have tough skin.

These threads then come out and the advice is always like, if you go out in the rain you're going to get wet, silly girl. Umbrella?

And most women do that and much much more.

Abuse isn't rain. It's not some natural phenomena we can only dodge. It's a choice people - usually men - make. And it's a choice people - usually men - defend as if their lives depend on it.

And yet it's 2020 and we're still pretending people - usually women - are asking for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As women we've developed tactics for dealing with unwanted attention and worse since we were way too young. Thing is, we all have tough skin.

These threads then come out and the advice is always like, if you go out in the rain you're going to get wet, silly girl. Umbrella?

And most women do that and much much more.

Abuse isn't rain. It's not some natural phenomena we can only dodge. It's a choice people - usually men - make. And it's a choice people - usually men - defend as if their lives depend on it.

And yet it's 2020 and we're still pretending people - usually women - are asking for it."

Advising people to use mail filters isn't suggesting the women are asking for abuse.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"As women we've developed tactics for dealing with unwanted attention and worse since we were way too young. Thing is, we all have tough skin.

These threads then come out and the advice is always like, if you go out in the rain you're going to get wet, silly girl. Umbrella?

And most women do that and much much more.

Abuse isn't rain. It's not some natural phenomena we can only dodge. It's a choice people - usually men - make. And it's a choice people - usually men - defend as if their lives depend on it.

And yet it's 2020 and we're still pretending people - usually women - are asking for it.

Advising people to use mail filters isn't suggesting the women are asking for abuse. "

It's telling people to avoid. We know how to avoid.

It's about 50 years past the point, maybe more, when we should stop blaming the victims and realise that perpetrators are people who make choices.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

[Removed by poster at 28/10/20 09:39:53]

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Advising people to use mail filters isn't suggesting the women are asking for abuse. "

Exactly that - in an ideal world of course there would be no abuse, and nor *should* there be in the real world - but sadly there will always be people of all genders who resort to abuse from behind the anonymity of their keyboards.

Equally as sadly you'll never stop the abusers regardless of whether it's 1820 or 2120 - all you can do is *try* and educate where possible and use the tools available to protect yourself as best you can.

That's not saying people are asking for it - it's simple common sense.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I use the tools avsilable to me and ive had three abusive messages in 14 years. Suits me

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Advising people to use mail filters isn't suggesting the women are asking for abuse.

That's not saying people are asking for it - it's simple common sense.

In criminology this is known as displacement. So you lock your car, but car thefts don't go down because the thief just steals a different car.

I rarely if ever get abused after I worked out how to displace it. But I'm not content with "I'm fine, so it's your problem for not figuring out the rain dance".

People abuse.

We need to do better.

It's not inevitable.

I care about other people, not just avoiding the problem myself.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Admin deal with hundreds of reports a day and must get real fed up of people complaining that nothing has been done when they have spent hours on it

I will paste again what Admin do with reports on the next post

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Here is an explanation from Admin from another thread on how they deal with reports.

******Just a quick note. If people report others and we can verify that they have broken site rules, we always take action (either a first and final warning, partially suspended account, fully suspended, mixture of the above).

Every single report sent via the REPORT link is reviewed. Clearly it's not in our interests to have people on here who are bad for the site. Equally we need to verify what has been reported and be fair to those who have been reported.

Admin

PS. we never provide feedback on what has happened. It's just not practical given that we get 100s of reports a day.

Here is what the page says after a report has been submitted:

Your feedback has been saved.

A website admin will shortly review your feedback and take the necessary action. After reviewing the evidence available to us, we may disable an account, remove a user, disable certain aspects of that user's account or issue a warning.

By leaving feedback you help improve the site for everyone who uses it. Thank you.******

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