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Difference between Fabswingers and dating sites ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So women on dating sites have no confidence?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

Hey, that was exactly my experience when I last tried it. It seems on dating sites people pretend to seek a relationship but are really looking for a quick fix - doing so on a dating site perhaps seems m ore acceptable than admitting to being on a swing site?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

But youve only been here a few weeks

People arent meeting for sex atm

That doesnt make sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/10/20 22:20:03]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So women on dating sites have no confidence? "

I did not say they do not have confidence.... I just meant they are not upfront with what they like ..... it was only a personal experience it might not be the case with everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 22/10/20 22:20:03]"

I agree that it is easier to connect with women on dating sites. I was on tinder today for 2 mins and straight away I had a match and a chat. It never happens like that on here, but I'm a fab addict now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative

But youve only been here a few weeks

People arent meeting for sex atm

That doesnt make sense"

So far it looks like its going to prove more difficult even when people start meeting..and its just my observation and maybe after sometime i will see it differently

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 22/10/20 22:20:03]

I agree that it is easier to connect with women on dating sites. I was on tinder today for 2 mins and straight away I had a match and a chat. It never happens like that on here, but I'm a fab addict now. "

hahaha i get what you mean ... there is something about Fab which really fascinating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women on dating sites maybe more lonely and single. Where as women on here may have a partner/husband or friends with benefits so although a single profile may not be in need of the intimacy from a new person as much.

I have never been on a dating site officially (I have found people pretending to be me that is another story) but I know women on here get a lot of attention. We get a high volume but I should a single woman would get even more. They have a wide choice as men outnumber women on here. And as someone pointed out people should not be meeting from here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 22/10/20 22:20:03]

I agree that it is easier to connect with women on dating sites. I was on tinder today for 2 mins and straight away I had a match and a chat. It never happens like that on here, but I'm a fab addict now.

hahaha i get what you mean ... there is something about Fab which really fascinating "

Yes it's intriguing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative

But youve only been here a few weeks

People arent meeting for sex atm

That doesnt make sense

So far it looks like its going to prove more difficult even when people start meeting..and its just my observation and maybe after sometime i will see it differently "

So, your OP wasnt really true then?

Ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship. "

lovely vedio

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship. "

It's because you are strong enough to go it alone until you meet the right one. Just anyone won't do, but they will do okay for you to find company when you need it. You are seeing to your every need as a strong confident woman. You don't need anyone, anyone won't do! You don't need to settle for anything or anyone less than you deserve. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship. "

This ladys got it in one!

Ive been on dating sites and got sick of guys who profess to be wanting a relationship only really wanting a bunk up. Least on here i know exactly whats wanted and i can then make the informed decision to get involved or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship.

It's because you are strong enough to go it alone until you meet the right one. Just anyone won't do, but they will do okay for you to find company when you need it. You are seeing to your every need as a strong confident woman. You don't need anyone, anyone won't do! You don't need to settle for anything or anyone less than you deserve. Xx"

Thank you. Last relationship was bad which is why I'm not settling for anything less than what I feel I deserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dunno never been on a dating site

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship. "

That's the same for me too :/

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

So you're just using 'dates' to get a shag Id be way less inclined to shag anyone if I met them on a dating site without meeting a few times first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm bit of an odd observation this and one I wouldn't really post about it sounds like your having a, dig at fab because your not having much luck here obviously the results coincide with your effort

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So you're just using 'dates' to get a shag Id be way less inclined to shag anyone if I met them on a dating site without meeting a few times first "

Not using the dating site for that..... but I am just saying as a guy wanting to meet someone it is easier on a dating site to Fab..... but Fab seems to be more exciting to be part of ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The difference for me is nothing!

Dating sites - 0

Fab - 0

I’ve learned to live with it and not to lower my standards just for the quick fix.....but it seems to be doing nothing for me.....bring back the days of face to face contact

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hmmm bit of an odd observation this and one I wouldn't really post about it sounds like your having a, dig at fab because your not having much luck here obviously the results coincide with your effort "

Hahaha not really but you do get more traffic of conversation from ladies on there....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

probably because swinging isnt about a quick shag, never has been, we have noticed the huge rise in numbers of singles on here looking for just that since lockdown, if you want a quick shag there are better ways

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

Despite the Covid situation, I’m finding dating sites to be a chore. Hardly anyone appealing to me, and the ones that are just chat for a day or two until someone better comes along. That’s it, ghosted.

There’s a certain honesty on here that I like, despite no meeting at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can never get my head around guys that say that other sites are better than Fab

It just begs the question..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree with you I get alot more conversations and actually getting to know others on fab then I have the countless dating people I have tried to find love I learnt that I obviously don't have a special someone but I have remarkable connections with everyone I have met on fab even after meeting we still chat were as dating sites I can send I nice polite hello and try to make a conversation but always blocked fab is in no doubt in my opinion far better and easier to find those connections

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only


"So you're just using 'dates' to get a shag Id be way less inclined to shag anyone if I met them on a dating site without meeting a few times first

Not using the dating site for that..... but I am just saying as a guy wanting to meet someone it is easier on a dating site to Fab..... but Fab seems to be more exciting to be part of ... "

With you now. There are lots of fabbers on dating sites

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dating sites.. full of undateables wanting a shag

Fab.. full of sort of shagables wanting a date

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

Dating sites and swinging sites usually have the same people in the same geographical area....

So I usually match with the same people on both sites....

The only difference is on a dating site the same person you matched with would have face pictures and plus pictures from social media posted...

On a swinging/sex site they will have their nudes posted and sexual desires....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would assume fabs a little more honest as in people arnt as ashamed to say what they want from each other

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By *parkle13Woman
over a year ago

Dundee


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship.

That's the same for me too :/"

This is so true.

Ok to bonk but not take home to.mother.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship.

That's the same for me too :/

This is so true.

Ok to bonk but not take home to.mother.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tinder is a dating site, fab is a swinging site, why would you expect them to work the same way?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative

But youve only been here a few weeks

People arent meeting for sex atm

That doesnt make sense

So far it looks like its going to prove more difficult even when people start meeting..and its just my observation and maybe after sometime i will see it differently "

It's always hard work here for you single men and it's wise to know this, so that you can take decisions and adjust your expectations appropriately.

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship.

That's the same for me too :/

This is so true.

Ok to bonk but not take home to.mother.

"

And it so "p**ses me off.. I'm absolutely fan dabby dozy amazingly brilliant.. Socially & in the sack! They don't know what they're missing!

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live


"Tinder is a dating site, fab is a swinging site, why would you expect them to work the same way?"

I have never known anyone on tinder that isn't just after a sh*g. They chat for a bit then when you start to discuss what they're after it's all about "just out of a relationship" "want some fun" "never settling down again"

Or maybe I'm just crap!

I'm not crap at all

They're just di*ks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship.

That's the same for me too :/

This is so true.

Ok to bonk but not take home to.mother.

And it so "p**ses me off.. I'm absolutely fan dabby dozy amazingly brilliant.. Socially & in the sack! They don't know what they're missing! "

I can imagine you saying this pointing your finger at the computer screen......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I have never known anyone on tinder that isn't just after a sh*g. They chat for a bit then when you start to discuss what they're after it's all about "just out of a relationship" "want some fun" "never settling down again"

"

Do you know how expensive a divorce can be for some men? I’ve seen many men lose half their fortune to ex wives....

So , I can see why some men never want to settle down again...... they can’t afford it....

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live


"

I have never known anyone on tinder that isn't just after a sh*g. They chat for a bit then when you start to discuss what they're after it's all about "just out of a relationship" "want some fun" "never settling down again"

Do you know how expensive a divorce can be for some men? I’ve seen many men lose half their fortune to ex wives....

So , I can see why some men never want to settle down again...... they can’t afford it.... "

Are you after a "so sorry for you all"

I wouldn't know.. I walked away from mine taking nothing kng.

Shag I'm meaning is the men who are on a "dating" site saying they want a relationship when all they really want is sex. That's great if you know up front.. Why hide it?

.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I have never known anyone on tinder that isn't just after a sh*g. They chat for a bit then when you start to discuss what they're after it's all about "just out of a relationship" "want some fun" "never settling down again"

Do you know how expensive a divorce can be for some men? I’ve seen many men lose half their fortune to ex wives....

So , I can see why some men never want to settle down again...... they can’t afford it....

Are you after a "so sorry for you all"

I wouldn't know.. I walked away from mine taking nothing kng.

Shag I'm meaning is the men who are on a "dating" site saying they want a relationship when all they really want is sex. That's great if you know up front.. Why hide it?

. "

Because there is no nice way to tell a woman.

“ You are good enough to have sex with , but not good enough to date “

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live


"

I have never known anyone on tinder that isn't just after a sh*g. They chat for a bit then when you start to discuss what they're after it's all about "just out of a relationship" "want some fun" "never settling down again"

Do you know how expensive a divorce can be for some men? I’ve seen many men lose half their fortune to ex wives....

So , I can see why some men never want to settle down again...... they can’t afford it....

Are you after a "so sorry for you all"

I wouldn't know.. I walked away from mine taking nothing kng.

Shag I'm meaning is the men who are on a "dating" site saying they want a relationship when all they really want is sex. That's great if you know up front.. Why hide it?

.

Because there is no nice way to tell a woman.

“ You are good enough to have sex with , but not good enough to date “ "

It's not about being nice. I have no problem telling men if they're datable or i just want their body.. Honesty is the way forward.. Generally gets you more sex. Trust me I've had 2 FB for three years as none of us want a relationship..

I just don't understand why people can't be honest.

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By *orace99Man
over a year ago

York

There are real women in dating sites??

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I didn't think Fab was a dating site. I (perhaps naïvely) thought it was a place for swingers to organise swinging things (like parties, club stuff) and for swingers to chat in a safe environment. Maybe my original impression of the purpose of the site was wrong?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is so true a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks. At least on here people are honest and open well... mostly.

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By *thleticgirthMan
over a year ago

wirral

I want to meet a partner on here as i want to continue a relationship in the swinging world and enjoy the journey with someone which on tinder i find the girls i meet have all been vanilla and you dont find out until two or three dates. I have tried on the forums here but i have also been slated as there are some hardcorers who dont agree with it (despite lots of them already being in a couple) who have ranted that it is a sex site not a dating site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yawn this is another - the women of Fab are fat ugly picky slags thread in disguise.

Men on dating sites pretending they want a relationship to get sex are just as bad as the people on here that are lying cheats.

I'm sick of hearing this all the time.

If you think the women on here are punching OP then off you fuck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

Remember, OP, the original intention of this site was 'for swingers, by swingers'. Much has changed since it's origin & now there are all kind of people on here for different reasons.

it's more than just a swinging site now. It's a place for 'casuls' (sorry, got mixed up with noobs on Ds3) casuals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly I think the difference between the 2 is verifications they’re the fakest version of getting to know someone yet it’s such a big thing and bio’s on others you talk and get to know eachother but SOME people don’t know how to have a conversation due to their past and probably the reason why they’re here and only here NOT ALL BTW I’ve never struggled with getting sex weather in a club on tinder or just someone I know casually and not too much on here but out of them all this has been the hardest and what I thought would be the easiest and don’t get me wrong it is easy on here too but too many people rely on verifications and bios too much they can also be made up like my previous profile I wasn’t too discrete and got found by locals some I’ve had sex with some I haven’t and gained 6 verifications in a day 4 I had sex with before and 2 that wanted to have sex I shortly after deleted that profile and now I’m seeing a little more

If you agree with my analogy or disagree or want to raise something reply, dm or whatever let’s talk just don’t come ready for a fight I’m just sharing my thoughts Let’s talk

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

I met some lovely women on dating sites. I was active for a few years. Had some terrific dates and some amazing sex. I’ve met some lovely women on Fab also.

It’s a ‘numbers’ thing as we all know. Swinging is still a niche thing and millions of people have never heard of Fab, online dating has been widely advertised and is now an accepted mainstream way of people meeting.

Perhaps if Fab was advertised on TV a lot more women would join.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Honestly I think the difference between the 2 is verifications they’re the fakest version of getting to know someone yet it’s such a big thing and bio’s on others you talk and get to know eachother but SOME people don’t know how to have a conversation due to their past and probably the reason why they’re here and only here NOT ALL BTW I’ve never struggled with getting sex weather in a club on tinder or just someone I know casually and not too much on here but out of them all this has been the hardest and what I thought would be the easiest and don’t get me wrong it is easy on here too but too many people rely on verifications and bios too much they can also be made up like my previous profile I wasn’t too discrete and got found by locals some I’ve had sex with some I haven’t and gained 6 verifications in a day 4 I had sex with before and 2 that wanted to have sex I shortly after deleted that profile and now I’m seeing a little more

If you agree with my analogy or disagree or want to raise something reply, dm or whatever let’s talk just don’t come ready for a fight I’m just sharing my thoughts Let’s talk "

Get what you're saying but remember what this site's original intention was, 'made by swingers for swingers'. Comparing it to a dating site is just way off.....it was originally made for swinging couples...

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

I beg to differ! I’d say dating sites have men who are looking for the same thing men are here but are considerably less respectful or selective about it. Dating sites tend to be ‘one off - fuck and go’ seekers. At least with fab you know the score rather than use a dating site with potential relationship as bait! I have to say most dating site men’s profile pics belong in a mugshot gallery!!!

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

I haven't been on dating sites for a few years, but for the brief period I was on them I found the opposite - all the men I spoke to or met for a drink actually wanted a relationship I quickly deleted my profiles and came back to Fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Honestly I think the difference between the 2 is verifications they’re the fakest version of getting to know someone yet it’s such a big thing and bio’s on others you talk and get to know eachother but SOME people don’t know how to have a conversation due to their past and probably the reason why they’re here and only here NOT ALL BTW I’ve never struggled with getting sex weather in a club on tinder or just someone I know casually and not too much on here but out of them all this has been the hardest and what I thought would be the easiest and don’t get me wrong it is easy on here too but too many people rely on verifications and bios too much they can also be made up like my previous profile I wasn’t too discrete and got found by locals some I’ve had sex with some I haven’t and gained 6 verifications in a day 4 I had sex with before and 2 that wanted to have sex I shortly after deleted that profile and now I’m seeing a little more

If you agree with my analogy or disagree or want to raise something reply, dm or whatever let’s talk just don’t come ready for a fight I’m just sharing my thoughts Let’s talk

Get what you're saying but remember what this site's original intention was, 'made by swingers for swingers'. Comparing it to a dating site is just way off.....it was originally made for swinging couples..."

That does make sense and I would understand it coming from couples but If singles Are acting the same way it almost doesn’t make sense to me

But don’t worry I wouldn’t compare the 2 just thought I’d add my couple penny’s encase anyone found useful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people join dating sites for a relationship. But tinder for example, is a hookup site just like grindr, However some others join looking for a relationship in the midst of people who just want to hook up and maybe more. So some matches get mixed and it gets complicated in the End. However fab is strictly for kinky daters and for hook up Too. The two just have a different audience with different needs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Approach is a big thing

Usual dating sites you wait and get to know eachother before saying something risky

But due to coming on here and the profile being flooded with nudes and you engaging in sexual activities

There’s no easing into anything and you don’t know how to approach some don’t appreciate the forwardness and others will not give you the time if your not forward enough

Surprisingly enough there’s people here that are looking for an exclusive partner or even a relationship HERE OF ALL PLACES but I’m not judging whatever works for you we’re all different I guess

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By *rNaughtyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Think main difference with Fab and Regular dating sites

On Fab people are more open and honest with their intentions were as vanilla dating sites is quite a mine field.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you mean you found a fuck buddy on tinder, OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The majority of my meets are from dating apps and sites and the standards are also way higher.

I have had a lot of fun on here bit if i am honest it is way harder.

Also there is a huge amount of people just posing on here now with no real meets. Just daily updates of there tits and arses

Its good to have chioces and bith OP

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By *assion and MoreCouple
over a year ago

Here and There, Monaghan


"Women on dating sites maybe more lonely and single. Where as women on here may have a partner/husband or friends with benefits so although a single profile may not be in need of the intimacy from a new person as much.

I have never been on a dating site officially (I have found people pretending to be me that is another story) but I know women on here get a lot of attention. We get a high volume but I should a single woman would get even more. They have a wide choice as men outnumber women on here. And as someone pointed out people should not be meeting from here. "

Not sure about being lonely or even single for that matter lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dating sites= people pretending they want a relationship

Swingers sites= people pretending they don't want a relationship

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By *akes handymanMan
over a year ago

In the Lakes


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

Oh which dating site... asking for a friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dating sites= people pretending they want a relationship

Swingers sites= people pretending they don't want a relationship "

I like this ......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dating sites= people pretending they want a relationship

Swingers sites= people pretending they don't want a relationship

I like this ......"

I think we all want the perfect relationship. This is perfect for the in-between relationships phase. When you're heart has been broken and you are not ready love again.

When you have been cast aside for a better model. When you are feeling low, someone will pick you up, give you something to look forward to, make you feel better in yourself. Yes okay, the compliment s are just to bed you but when you are told you are beautiful everyday , whether it's true or not, whether it's from someone you are attracted to or not. It helps you move on and start enjoying life again. So much so, you believe being single is much better. Until a pandemic kicks in and you are reminded, you are on your own.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend


"Dating sites= people pretending they want a relationship

Swingers sites= people pretending they don't want a relationship

I like this ......"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dating sites= people pretending they want a relationship

Swingers sites= people pretending they don't want a relationship

I like this ......

I think we all want the perfect relationship. This is perfect for the in-between relationships phase. When you're heart has been broken and you are not ready love again.

When you have been cast aside for a better model. When you are feeling low, someone will pick you up, give you something to look forward to, make you feel better in yourself. Yes okay, the compliment s are just to bed you but when you are told you are beautiful everyday , whether it's true or not, whether it's from someone you are attracted to or not. It helps you move on and start enjoying life again. So much so, you believe being single is much better. Until a pandemic kicks in and you are reminded, you are on your own.

"

You’re my new hero...... thank you got a honest post...... we need more people like you in the forum....

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool


"Dating sites= people pretending they want a relationship

Swingers sites= people pretending they don't want a relationship

I like this ......

I think we all want the perfect relationship. This is perfect for the in-between relationships phase. When you're heart has been broken and you are not ready love again.

When you have been cast aside for a better model. When you are feeling low, someone will pick you up, give you something to look forward to, make you feel better in yourself. Yes okay, the compliment s are just to bed you but when you are told you are beautiful everyday , whether it's true or not, whether it's from someone you are attracted to or not. It helps you move on and start enjoying life again. So much so, you believe being single is much better. Until a pandemic kicks in and you are reminded, you are on your own.

"

Great post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's easier to meet women for sex on none sex sites.

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent


"Dating sites= people pretending they want a relationship

Swingers sites= people pretending they don't want a relationship

I like this ......

I think we all want the perfect relationship. This is perfect for the in-between relationships phase. When you're heart has been broken and you are not ready love again.

When you have been cast aside for a better model. When you are feeling low, someone will pick you up, give you something to look forward to, make you feel better in yourself. Yes okay, the compliment s are just to bed you but when you are told you are beautiful everyday , whether it's true or not, whether it's from someone you are attracted to or not. It helps you move on and start enjoying life again. So much so, you believe being single is much better. Until a pandemic kicks in and you are reminded, you are on your own.

"

I totally agree with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually met people through Fab

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"tinder for example, is a hookup site"

Not in any of the places I've used it. Not in the last, what... five years?


"fab is strictly for kinky daters"

Fab is *tremendously* vanilla. The lack of familiarity with kink is palpable, especially in the forums.

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By *wiftieeMan
over a year ago

near Glasgow


"I didn't think Fab was a dating site. I (perhaps naïvely) thought it was a place for swingers to organise swinging things (like parties, club stuff) and for swingers to chat in a safe environment. Maybe my original impression of the purpose of the site was wrong?"

Maybe, I've had 2 longish relationships courtesy of Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative "

Fab is different. I've not been on a dating site but I presume people talk to eachother like they would if they met in person? I can't imagine ever being out and someone approaching me with the opening statement, I'm a heavy cummer, look at my cock.

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By *wiftieeMan
over a year ago

near Glasgow


" Remember, OP, the original intention of this site was 'for swingers, by swingers'. Much has changed since it's origin & now there are all kind of people on here for different reasons.

it's more than just a swinging site now. It's a place for 'casuls' (sorry, got mixed up with noobs on Ds3) casuals. "

Confession time, I'm not a swinger, I use this site for NSA sex, and I've had a modicum of success.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ


"tinder for example, is a hookup site

Not in any of the places I've used it. Not in the last, what... five years?

fab is strictly for kinky daters

Fab is *tremendously* vanilla. The lack of familiarity with kink is palpable, especially in the forums."

RACK and SSC discussions are not the only measures of kink. Fab is a kink, at least in its core of swinging and hookups. Increase in singles here and other sites offering the same make it appear vanilla. But to bulk of population swinging and its challenge to traditional relationship values is a much harder kink to accept than 50 shades of grey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"tinder for example, is a hookup site

Not in any of the places I've used it. Not in the last, what... five years?

fab is strictly for kinky daters

Fab is *tremendously* vanilla. The lack of familiarity with kink is palpable, especially in the forums.

RACK and SSC discussions are not the only measures of kink. Fab is a kink, at least in its core of swinging and hookups. Increase in singles here and other sites offering the same make it appear vanilla. But to bulk of population swinging and its challenge to traditional relationship values is a much harder kink to accept than 50 shades of grey. "

That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ


"tinder for example, is a hookup site

Not in any of the places I've used it. Not in the last, what... five years?

fab is strictly for kinky daters

Fab is *tremendously* vanilla. The lack of familiarity with kink is palpable, especially in the forums.

RACK and SSC discussions are not the only measures of kink. Fab is a kink, at least in its core of swinging and hookups. Increase in singles here and other sites offering the same make it appear vanilla. But to bulk of population swinging and its challenge to traditional relationship values is a much harder kink to accept than 50 shades of grey.

That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship. "

Riiight. Non-conventional covers pretty much anything to the vanishing point. For a start Kink is defined by the mass of the few. 70s Swingers tried (and failed) to normalise their sexual preferences under the mask of lifestyle, but if sex wasnt the core (be it sex in groups or non partner swaps or whatever) it would not be any different to a cheese and wine party. That aside, as this site absolutely shows, society no longer distinguishes (or cares) about swinging. It is just about the sex. So love your partner, meet others who love their partners. Have sex with each other vanilla or otherwise - but remember the reason you do it is because that IS the kink. Throw in sex with single people, unicorns, BBC and WE and then calling yourself a swinger is just a useful catchall phrase. It's a kink as far as the rest of the world is concerned...

What's in a name anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“It is just about the sex”

You keep telling yourself that

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ


"

“It is just about the sex”

You keep telling yourself that "

Yes of course (how could I forget) *and* the forums

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By *amanthaJonesTrans1966TV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I've met more admirers on here and the other site fabguys than I have met on tgirl dating sites, most people on other sites are picture collectors and fantasists or time wasters.

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By *kblokenorthMan
over a year ago

Any


"This is so true a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks. At least on here people are honest and open well... mostly. "

Indeed, often singles here on Fab enjoy the lifestyle but still want a partner or buddy to share that with.

Not a “Fuck & Chuck”, which is often how Tinder etc gets used.

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship. "

Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race.


"a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks"

What dating sites are people having this experience on? Asking for a friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"tinder for example, is a hookup site

Not in any of the places I've used it. Not in the last, what... five years?

fab is strictly for kinky daters

Fab is *tremendously* vanilla. The lack of familiarity with kink is palpable, especially in the forums."

If we're to vanilla for you then why are you here?

Judgey!

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"If we're too vanilla for you..."

I haven't said that.


" ...then why are you here?"

Because I like vanilla sex too.

Pointing out that the two things are different is not the same as saying one is better than the other.

I do kinky stuff with people who enjoy kinky stuff.

I do vanilla stuff with people who enjoy vanilla stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If we're too vanilla for you...

I haven't said that.

...then why are you here?

Because I like vanilla sex too.

Pointing out that the two things are different is not the same as saying one is better than the other.

I do kinky stuff with people who enjoy kinky stuff.

I do vanilla stuff with people who enjoy vanilla stuff. "

Your post came across as superior and judgey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree with you OP,when I was on dating sites the majority of guys where just looking for sex and not relationships,atleat in fab you know what the majority of guys are looking for

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By *lixirWoman
over a year ago

Chippenham

The cover is different the content is the same people.

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"If we're too vanilla for you...

I haven't said that.

...then why are you here?

Because I like vanilla sex too.

Pointing out that the two things are different is not the same as saying one is better than the other.

I do kinky stuff with people who enjoy kinky stuff.

I do vanilla stuff with people who enjoy vanilla stuff.

Your post came across as superior and judgey."

I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a undercover cake society

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ


"That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship.

Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race.

a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks

What dating sites are people having this experience on? Asking for a friend. "

This has the usual hallmarks you see on other Alt sites. When people move into a kink, and become more and more involved they become condescending about those who do not share their flavour or the extent to which they do it. They consolidate their identity by defining others who are not part of their set, and Vanilla is the usual (derogatory) term. Those same people have often lost sight of the fact that their vanilla is actually most non-Alt peoples idea of kink. Kink is defined by the straight it deviates from. As mentioned earlier, in terms of swinging, sharing a partner challenges far more people in their perception than a single person who engages in the exact same activity. It is not a competition but your defining others is seeking to make it as such.

As a coda. Next time you have vanilla (the real stuff), try looking up how expensive, labour intensive and desireable a product it STILL is...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

POF used to be good about 10 years ago. Adultfriendfinder average.

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship.

Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race.

a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks

What dating sites are people having this experience on? Asking for a friend.

This has the usual hallmarks you see on other Alt sites. When people move into a kink, and become more and more involved they become condescending about those who do not share their flavour or the extent to which they do it. They consolidate their identity by defining others who are not part of their set, and Vanilla is the usual (derogatory) term. Those same people have often lost sight of the fact that their vanilla is actually most non-Alt peoples idea of kink. Kink is defined by the straight it deviates from. As mentioned earlier, in terms of swinging, sharing a partner challenges far more people in their perception than a single person who engages in the exact same activity. It is not a competition but your defining others is seeking to make it as such.

As a coda. Next time you have vanilla (the real stuff), try looking up how expensive, labour intensive and desireable a product it STILL is... "

I do not consider "vanilla" to be derogatory. I certainly do not use it as such.

Kinky stuff is valid.

Vanilla stuff is valid.

It's not a competition. It's not an arms race. I do both as a given partner desires.

If "vanilla" is considered too sensitive a term, is there a preferred one that people on here would find less upsetting?

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ


"That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship.

Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race.

a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks

What dating sites are people having this experience on? Asking for a friend.

This has the usual hallmarks you see on other Alt sites. When people move into a kink, and become more and more involved they become condescending about those who do not share their flavour or the extent to which they do it. They consolidate their identity by defining others who are not part of their set, and Vanilla is the usual (derogatory) term. Those same people have often lost sight of the fact that their vanilla is actually most non-Alt peoples idea of kink. Kink is defined by the straight it deviates from. As mentioned earlier, in terms of swinging, sharing a partner challenges far more people in their perception than a single person who engages in the exact same activity. It is not a competition but your defining others is seeking to make it as such.

As a coda. Next time you have vanilla (the real stuff), try looking up how expensive, labour intensive and desireable a product it STILL is...

I do not consider "vanilla" to be derogatory. I certainly do not use it as such.

Kinky stuff is valid.

Vanilla stuff is valid.

It's not a competition. It's not an arms race. I do both as a given partner desires.

If "vanilla" is considered too sensitive a term, is there a preferred one that people on here would find less upsetting?"

Nice try. Use a term well very known in alt circles that you include yourself in, then say "Oh but *I* didn't mean it".

Most on here would accept that they are not in line with a chunk of society , so "kink" is fair to all. You may not do what others do but there is no hierarchy of more or less, so seeking a term that defines people on a that scale is by its very nature divisive. Tolerance is key. Why make the distinction at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative

But youve only been here a few weeks

People arent meeting for sex atm

That doesnt make sense"

Makes perfect sense? Same night sex is pretty prolific on certain mainstream dating apps. Download... swipe... meet. Easy. Even right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dating is looking for relationship.

Fabs is just a fuck.

No confusion.

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By *reamblueMan
over a year ago

London


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative

But youve only been here a few weeks

People arent meeting for sex atm

That doesnt make sense

Makes perfect sense? Same night sex is pretty prolific on certain mainstream dating apps. Download... swipe... meet. Easy. Even right now. "

Then should Fab (and other dating sites) go offline until its over? Right now they are still enabling meetings between different households despite the messaging advising against. Think I'll put this on separate post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship.

Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race.

a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks

What dating sites are people having this experience on? Asking for a friend.

This has the usual hallmarks you see on other Alt sites. When people move into a kink, and become more and more involved they become condescending about those who do not share their flavour or the extent to which they do it. They consolidate their identity by defining others who are not part of their set, and Vanilla is the usual (derogatory) term. Those same people have often lost sight of the fact that their vanilla is actually most non-Alt peoples idea of kink. Kink is defined by the straight it deviates from. As mentioned earlier, in terms of swinging, sharing a partner challenges far more people in their perception than a single person who engages in the exact same activity. It is not a competition but your defining others is seeking to make it as such.

As a coda. Next time you have vanilla (the real stuff), try looking up how expensive, labour intensive and desireable a product it STILL is...

I do not consider "vanilla" to be derogatory. I certainly do not use it as such.

Kinky stuff is valid.

Vanilla stuff is valid.

It's not a competition. It's not an arms race. I do both as a given partner desires.

If "vanilla" is considered too sensitive a term, is there a preferred one that people on here would find less upsetting?

Nice try. Use a term well very known in alt circles that you include yourself in, then say "Oh but *I* didn't mean it".

Most on here would accept that they are not in line with a chunk of society , so "kink" is fair to all. You may not do what others do but there is no hierarchy of more or less, so seeking a term that defines people on a that scale is by its very nature divisive. Tolerance is key. Why make the distinction at all.

"

I think you’re projecting you’re annoyance onto his words in order to paint them a certain way just because you got irked sometime earlier in the chat by what he said. Like you say just above, surely tolerance should be key

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

There’s more women use them then use this. What’s not hard to understand?

...and quelle surprise women like sex too... just as much as men!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dating is looking for relationship.

Fabs is just a fuck.

No confusion."

Not for everyone my dear.

Never been on a dating site though. Heard they’re not much different to fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dating is looking for relationship.

Fabs is just a fuck.

No confusion.

Not for everyone my dear.

Never been on a dating site though. Heard they’re not much different to fab. "

You should try Tinder, you will hate me

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

They are different but trying to find someone on a 'traditional' dating site that would like to enjoy the swinging and kink side to life is not easy.

So why not put on my profile that I'm interested in something more long term incase someone also is?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They are different but trying to find someone on a 'traditional' dating site that would like to enjoy the swinging and kink side to life is not easy.

So why not put on my profile that I'm interested in something more long term incase someone also is? "

I miss the sixties

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm on both actually.

Here I share very different photos and post on the forums. Id say men are far more appealing and interesting to me here than they are on dating sites.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm on either though because I'm still so hung up on someone that anything more than nsa is unlikely to develop.

Sometimes it's a distraction though

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By *kblokenorthMan
over a year ago

Any


"They are different but trying to find someone on a 'traditional' dating site that would like to enjoy the swinging and kink side to life is not easy.

So why not put on my profile that I'm interested in something more long term incase someone also is? "

^^ Exactly this ^^.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the difference is this is a swinging site not a dating site ...not rocket science

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

When I was a single male I used both sites. At the time I was enjoying causal/NSA hookups and also interested in swinging and entering the scene. In terms of causal hookups I found things far more easier and successful on dating apps. I guess most women aren't swingers but wanting some company, physical contact and sex is common to most adults. Although I had some great meets on FAB I found (shock horror) FAB was more useful for swinger related stuff and more substantial arrangements. I think some people come to FAB with the wrong expectations.

(Mr)

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"They are different but trying to find someone on a 'traditional' dating site that would like to enjoy the swinging and kink side to life is not easy.

So why not put on my profile that I'm interested in something more long term incase someone also is? "

Just put something on your dating profile that says what your looking for. Mine state “not looking for vanilla” and they do get interest for that reason. Kinkster are everywhere not just on fab. Plus it filters out the vanilla people.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss


"They are different but trying to find someone on a 'traditional' dating site that would like to enjoy the swinging and kink side to life is not easy.

So why not put on my profile that I'm interested in something more long term incase someone also is?

Just put something on your dating profile that says what your looking for. Mine state “not looking for vanilla” and they do get interest for that reason. Kinkster are everywhere not just on fab. Plus it filters out the vanilla people."

That is very true and to a certain extent I do. But also don't like being to specific as I live in an area where everyone seems to know everyone

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By *attM73Man
over a year ago

Oldham

[Removed by poster at 29/10/20 21:29:24]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The difference between dating sites and Fab for me is...

Dating sites... My inbox gathers dust, so much so I contemplate going on the Undateables.

Fab... I could have a different guy every night.

As much as I understand they're for different things. That's the reality, good for a shag but not a relationship. "

This reads so familiar, me too

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By *hedireCouple
over a year ago

wigan

As a single guy i with profiles on fab and regular dating sites, the dating sites have yielded much more sex. By a factor of 20 to 1 i would estimate. And even this week a woman on a regular dating site has suggested a liaison with my partner. Fab? Nothing suitable for months. I'm having an in depth sexual conversation with someone on a social media site, (not f book) currently. So I'm inclined to agree with the op that you get more sex from regular dating sites, definitely my experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really been surprised by the difference... I have found out that its easier to find a sexual partner on a dating site than on here, women on Fabswingers have the confidence regardless of how they look and it's a proper turn-on and men who like women really need to be creative

Hey, that was exactly my experience when I last tried it. It seems on dating sites people pretend to seek a relationship but are really looking for a quick fix - doing so on a dating site perhaps seems m ore acceptable than admitting to being on a swing site? "

Is there a quick fix on fab ?

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"They are different but trying to find someone on a 'traditional' dating site that would like to enjoy the swinging and kink side to life is not easy.

So why not put on my profile that I'm interested in something more long term incase someone also is?

Just put something on your dating profile that says what your looking for. Mine state “not looking for vanilla” and they do get interest for that reason. Kinkster are everywhere not just on fab. Plus it filters out the vanilla people.

That is very true and to a certain extent I do. But also don't like being to specific as I live in an area where everyone seems to know everyone "

Never really been to ‘lost in my head’ world north of the boarder but have family near Inverness. So I expect it’s quite small and quaint ...and everybody does know everybody!

Plus there doesn’t seem to be a lot of anything (dating or kink) north of Perth.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ


"That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship.

Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race.

a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks

What dating sites are people having this experience on? Asking for a friend.

This has the usual hallmarks you see on other Alt sites. When people move into a kink, and become more and more involved they become condescending about those who do not share their flavour or the extent to which they do it. They consolidate their identity by defining others who are not part of their set, and Vanilla is the usual (derogatory) term. Those same people have often lost sight of the fact that their vanilla is actually most non-Alt peoples idea of kink. Kink is defined by the straight it deviates from. As mentioned earlier, in terms of swinging, sharing a partner challenges far more people in their perception than a single person who engages in the exact same activity. It is not a competition but your defining others is seeking to make it as such.

As a coda. Next time you have vanilla (the real stuff), try looking up how expensive, labour intensive and desireable a product it STILL is...

I do not consider "vanilla" to be derogatory. I certainly do not use it as such.

Kinky stuff is valid.

Vanilla stuff is valid.

It's not a competition. It's not an arms race. I do both as a given partner desires.

If "vanilla" is considered too sensitive a term, is there a preferred one that people on here would find less upsetting?

Nice try. Use a term well very known in alt circles that you include yourself in, then say "Oh but *I* didn't mean it".

Most on here would accept that they are not in line with a chunk of society , so "kink" is fair to all. You may not do what others do but there is no hierarchy of more or less, so seeking a term that defines people on a that scale is by its very nature divisive. Tolerance is key. Why make the distinction at all.

I think you’re projecting you’re annoyance onto his words in order to paint them a certain way just because you got irked sometime earlier in the chat by what he said. Like you say just above, surely tolerance should be key "

First off. In no way annoyed. Healthy discussion is always valuable to learn from.

In this case the use of the word vanilla is commonplace within some communities (not generally Fab or most dating sites) with broadly the same intent; always "the other" and value based, "I do X you do not, you are vanilla" or "the world is full of flavours and you chose vanilla". It is a loaded phrase, particularly used in BDSM to describe non/inexperienced players. The bit I picked up on was

"Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race."

- It is disingenous to use a phrase that is loaded with negative value judgement and then try and say ah but it's not. Other forumites picked up on it, so as a reading it would not seem unreasonable for me to do so also. For that same reason it is also unlikely to be projection, particularly as the thread link was not done by me but the second user.

You imply by the mock quoting of my phrase that I am intolerant.

Tolerance applies only insofar as it does not, by its silence, enable the suppression of one group over another. Sometimes people are wholly unaware of the impact of their language, or the shift in context that a different community response would read. Sometimes they know full well, and use a term publically and enjoy knowing others will not pick up on an insult. It happens. No idea in this case, but I point it out.

As to my personal preference. Home made vanilla ice cream, with madagascan pods, is one of the sweetest and best things I have ever made (and tasted). Vainilla (the original Portugeuse name) was based on the Latin for Vagina.

We could all do with a bit more Vainilla in our lives...

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By *kblokenorthMan
over a year ago

Any

Looks like another thread lost it’s way.....

Was this :-

Kink vs Vanilla

Or

Fab vs Dating sites?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That’s not a kink. It’s a lifestyle choice to swing. Not all lifestyle choices are kinks. What’s kinky about it?

I’d say lots of people on fab are less kinky than people would expect. Most people would be quite vanilla. And fucking other people while in a relationship isn’t a kink as much as it is a “non conventional” relationship.

Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race.

a dating site is just and excuse to get fuck and chucks

What dating sites are people having this experience on? Asking for a friend.

This has the usual hallmarks you see on other Alt sites. When people move into a kink, and become more and more involved they become condescending about those who do not share their flavour or the extent to which they do it. They consolidate their identity by defining others who are not part of their set, and Vanilla is the usual (derogatory) term. Those same people have often lost sight of the fact that their vanilla is actually most non-Alt peoples idea of kink. Kink is defined by the straight it deviates from. As mentioned earlier, in terms of swinging, sharing a partner challenges far more people in their perception than a single person who engages in the exact same activity. It is not a competition but your defining others is seeking to make it as such.

As a coda. Next time you have vanilla (the real stuff), try looking up how expensive, labour intensive and desireable a product it STILL is...

I do not consider "vanilla" to be derogatory. I certainly do not use it as such.

Kinky stuff is valid.

Vanilla stuff is valid.

It's not a competition. It's not an arms race. I do both as a given partner desires.

If "vanilla" is considered too sensitive a term, is there a preferred one that people on here would find less upsetting?

Nice try. Use a term well very known in alt circles that you include yourself in, then say "Oh but *I* didn't mean it".

Most on here would accept that they are not in line with a chunk of society , so "kink" is fair to all. You may not do what others do but there is no hierarchy of more or less, so seeking a term that defines people on a that scale is by its very nature divisive. Tolerance is key. Why make the distinction at all.

I think you’re projecting you’re annoyance onto his words in order to paint them a certain way just because you got irked sometime earlier in the chat by what he said. Like you say just above, surely tolerance should be key

First off. In no way annoyed. Healthy discussion is always valuable to learn from.

In this case the use of the word vanilla is commonplace within some communities (not generally Fab or most dating sites) with broadly the same intent; always "the other" and value based, "I do X you do not, you are vanilla" or "the world is full of flavours and you chose vanilla". It is a loaded phrase, particularly used in BDSM to describe non/inexperienced players. The bit I picked up on was

"Yes, absolutely this. I am consistenly astonished by how vanilla Fab is. This isn't a criticism, by they way; kinkiness isn't an arms race."

- It is disingenous to use a phrase that is loaded with negative value judgement and then try and say ah but it's not. Other forumites picked up on it, so as a reading it would not seem unreasonable for me to do so also. For that same reason it is also unlikely to be projection, particularly as the thread link was not done by me but the second user.

You imply by the mock quoting of my phrase that I am intolerant.

Tolerance applies only insofar as it does not, by its silence, enable the suppression of one group over another. Sometimes people are wholly unaware of the impact of their language, or the shift in context that a different community response would read. Sometimes they know full well, and use a term publically and enjoy knowing others will not pick up on an insult. It happens. No idea in this case, but I point it out.

As to my personal preference. Home made vanilla ice cream, with madagascan pods, is one of the sweetest and best things I have ever made (and tasted). Vainilla (the original Portugeuse name) was based on the Latin for Vagina.

We could all do with a bit more Vainilla in our lives...

"

You seem angry to be very honest or at least have some grievance at the very least.

He just said that this place is way more vanilla than it might have seemed. It’s you that’s associating that with a negative not him.

I see exactly where he’s coming from. I’d bet you that if non fab people found out you were on fab they’d think you were into every kink under the sun. It’s how people would think if they haven’t been exposed to this.

In reality a lot of the sex which takes place through fab wouldn’t be considered kinky but rather “normal” or “mainstream” except for the fact that it is with other people.

This is what I believe him to have mean rather than to put it down.

I love “vanilla” sex and some other kinks and I don’t put one down over the other. It depends on the connection and the mood.

I honestly believe it’s you with the problem here and not the guy you’re getting bitter at

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ


"Looks like another thread lost it’s way.....

Was this :-

Kink vs Vanilla

Or

Fab vs Dating sites? "

Fair point. Fab difference- the forums have a range of discussions you will not see on a dating site!

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