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Inverse Racism?

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By *rs Ravensong OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x"

We have had this many times, it's clearly them with the problem x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x"

Racism is about race, not colour

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x"

I've had a 'no blacks guys' response.

Doesn't bother me.

I think you're reading into a little too much. Enraged people often say things that if they thought about properly they probably wouldn't believe in.

If he specifically referred to your whiteness then perhaps you could suggest that he was being 'racist' - although I think the 'inverse' racism (as you describe it) debate is far more complex and can't be reduced to the exchange of a message or two on Fab.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this can be explained in the following points.

- Racism is a big issue but so is ignorance.

- There is an abundant amount of ignorance on fab.

- Some ignorant people will use the race card for nothing.

- Many ignorant men cannot handle rejection and can’t fathom why a woman doesn’t want to “fuck now!” That leads to all sorts of insults.

- Some ignorant people will not engage with others because they are racist. By engage I mean talk to, communicate with etc. I dont mean sex.

I think it just the simple fact that people are behind a screen and feel they can say whatever they want.

People will argue about the definitions but YES i agree with you to an extent. Some people will look at others and for no other reason than their skin will think “oh they’re racist” or “they must have racist views.

I am of mixed race with many and a VERY multicultural family. I have seen this on all sides and in all communities. People are too defensive (on actual issues of racism) and never ever end up having a productive conversation. Rather just sling accusations at each other.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was labelled as racist simply because of who I wanted to meet. We are both goth. We were looking for a goth lady. Pale almost pure white skin for a photo shoot. You know the type? White white.. Vampire look. In the end we just blocked and ignored

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think this can be explained in the following points.

- Racism is a big issue but so is ignorance.

- There is an abundant amount of ignorance on fab.

- Some ignorant people will use the race card for nothing.

- Many ignorant men cannot handle rejection and can’t fathom why a woman doesn’t want to “fuck now!” That leads to all sorts of insults.

- Some ignorant people will not engage with others because they are racist. By engage I mean talk to, communicate with etc. I dont mean sex.

I think it just the simple fact that people are behind a screen and feel they can say whatever they want.

People will argue about the definitions but YES i agree with you to an extent. Some people will look at others and for no other reason than their skin will think “oh they’re racist” or “they must have racist views.

I am of mixed race with many and a VERY multicultural family. I have seen this on all sides and in all communities. People are too defensive (on actual issues of racism) and never ever end up having a productive conversation. Rather just sling accusations at each other.

"

Yes, I agree with some of this. I think racism is a poorly defined term and those that sling it about are often ignorant of its true meaning.

It's actually unhelpful sometimes because it undermines the arguments of those who rail against the racism that does exist in British society.

I also think that fab is such a false environment it's difficult to know exactly what people would be like if they weren't behind their screens, profiles and pictures.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People that say idiotic things to strangers are exactly that - idiots.

The knobber that called you a racist OP was just another one of the many butt hurt people on here that don't take rejection well.

His words and skin color are irrelevant.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

Some people simply just can't handle a no , i would say

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"People that say idiotic things to strangers are exactly that - idiots.

The knobber that called you a racist OP was just another one of the many butt hurt people on here that don't take rejection well.

His words and skin color are irrelevant.

"

God yes

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery

Honestly I think it’s a case of men throwing their toys out of the pram more than anything. You don’t need to justify why you don’t want to meet, everyone should be able to say no without explanation. So what if your have preference is for white guys For instance, does that make you racist... it certainly does not. I get asked all the time do I sleep with black guys..... I sleep with who excites me and I get on with, not their skin.

Fab shouldn’t be a place for this discussion, block and move on,

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Fab shouldn’t be a place for this discussion, block and move on, "

Well, it's certainly a topic that tends to get people's juices flowing ...and not in a good way.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon


"People that say idiotic things to strangers are exactly that - idiots.

The knobber that called you a racist OP was just another one of the many butt hurt people on here that don't take rejection well.

His words and skin color are irrelevant.

God yes"

Agreed. Nasty shits come in all shapes, sizes & colours.

Thankfully, so does the overwhelming number of good people. The huge majority in fact. We can’t let the shits spoil it for the rest.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So at the moment as per my profile I ignore most messages. I’ve had so many follow ups from black men saying are you ignoring me because I’m black and it’s infuriating the fuck out of me. In the end I reply it’s because you have a inability to read profiles and block but I find it insulting that they are instantly going with that line

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"People that say idiotic things to strangers are exactly that - idiots.

The knobber that called you a racist OP was just another one of the many butt hurt people on here that don't take rejection well.

His words and skin color are irrelevant.

"

Beat me to it! Nothing to do with racism and everything to do with lashing out after a rejection.

Mrs TMN x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I admit that I have a vested interest here, and I do agree that this is mostly about inability to handle rejection as it is colour prejudice, but I still cant help but feel aggrieved at being labelled a "racist cunt" for a polite no thanks to a guy asking for a casual fuck!

The porn industry is probably to blame for promoting the image to a certain extent, and clubs also promote the "BBC" type events that highlight a seperation based purely on skin colour, but I really do think maybe its time people started seeing each other as individuals and not use race or colour as reason or excuse to be mean or resentful.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People just need a quick justification as to why they’re being rejected. They look for things that are different. Could easily have been height, size or age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People just need a quick justification as to why they’re being rejected. They look for things that are different. Could easily have been height, size or age."

I take your point, but I've never been accused of being beardish or sizeist when saying no thanks politely!

However I will not disagree with anyone who is a) stunning and b) quotes PJ lyrics

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Seems to be a lot more threads recently, started by guys complaining that their messages are ignored.

So these threads, often get filled up by those complaining and others explaining why they don’t or can’t reply.

Is this just another excuse to throw at someone due to the lack of success they’re getting. Ignoring the fact due to the Pandemic a lot of us are on here just for the forums, as we’re not meeting. So more messages are being ignored, causing frustration and ultimately false accusations.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

I've had a 'no blacks guys' response.

Doesn't bother me.

I think you're reading into a little too much. Enraged people often say things that if they thought about properly they probably wouldn't believe in.

If he specifically referred to your whiteness then perhaps you could suggest that he was being 'racist' - although I think the 'inverse' racism (as you describe it) debate is far more complex and can't be reduced to the exchange of a message or two on Fab. "

Agree with this 100%

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seems to be a lot more threads recently, started by guys complaining that their messages are ignored.

So these threads, often get filled up by those complaining and others explaining why they don’t or can’t reply.

Is this just another excuse to throw at someone due to the lack of success they’re getting. Ignoring the fact due to the Pandemic a lot of us are on here just for the forums, as we’re not meeting. So more messages are being ignored, causing frustration and ultimately false accusations. "

I think its more about me and my wife being upset at being called a "nasty fucker" and a "racist cunt" because we replied "thankyou but you're not for me" (a copy and paste courtesy message we send out probably 20 to 30 times a day to those we dobt feel we are interested in meeting for whatever reason)

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

Racism is about race, not colour"

Racism is about ignorance in it's literal meaning.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x"

It’s more confusing as to why you think this is an issue to do with ‘black guys’ as you put it, as opposed to those two guys in particular.

As others have observed, their colour is irrelevant here. As for whether you can consider it a form of racism towards you, you are free to do so, but to what end? It’s not something you have to face on a daily basis as people genuinely affected by racism do, it doesn’t have any wider significance than those two precise and unrelated incidents...so really, what would be the point?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Racism is about race, not colour

Racism is about ignorance in it's literal meaning. "

It's certainly not about "Race" in itself as there's no coherent definition of what a race even is.

"Oh I'm not racist as muslims aren't a race..." Yeah sure mate...

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

It’s more confusing as to why you think this is an issue to do with ‘black guys’ as you put it, as opposed to those two guys in particular.

As others have observed, their colour is irrelevant here. As for whether you can consider it a form of racism towards you, you are free to do so, but to what end? It’s not something you have to face on a daily basis as people genuinely affected by racism do, it doesn’t have any wider significance than those two precise and unrelated incidents...so really, what would be the point?"

Sadly it is not just these two guys, it is much more prevalent than that. I think the real issue here is the fact that we have met black guys before, they have all been chosen because they were nice guys who maybe engaged in conversation, made us smile, bought me a drink, or were just hot physically, so it's really upsetting to have this level of insult thrown at us when apart from anything else, it's just not true!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People that say idiotic things to strangers are exactly that - idiots.

The knobber that called you a racist OP was just another one of the many butt hurt people on here that don't take rejection well.

His words and skin color are irrelevant.

"

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

It’s more confusing as to why you think this is an issue to do with ‘black guys’ as you put it, as opposed to those two guys in particular.

As others have observed, their colour is irrelevant here. As for whether you can consider it a form of racism towards you, you are free to do so, but to what end? It’s not something you have to face on a daily basis as people genuinely affected by racism do, it doesn’t have any wider significance than those two precise and unrelated incidents...so really, what would be the point?

Sadly it is not just these two guys, it is much more prevalent than that. I think the real issue here is the fact that we have met black guys before, they have all been chosen because they were nice guys who maybe engaged in conversation, made us smile, bought me a drink, or were just hot physically, so it's really upsetting to have this level of insult thrown at us when apart from anything else, it's just not true!"

Sure - but what you are experiencing is people being rude and insulting towards you, because you’ve rejected their advances.

That’s not racism.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Seems to be a lot more threads recently, started by guys complaining that their messages are ignored.

So these threads, often get filled up by those complaining and others explaining why they don’t or can’t reply.

Is this just another excuse to throw at someone due to the lack of success they’re getting. Ignoring the fact due to the Pandemic a lot of us are on here just for the forums, as we’re not meeting. So more messages are being ignored, causing frustration and ultimately false accusations.

I think its more about me and my wife being upset at being called a "nasty fucker" and a "racist cunt" because we replied "thankyou but you're not for me" (a copy and paste courtesy message we send out probably 20 to 30 times a day to those we dobt feel we are interested in meeting for whatever reason)"

Not excusing them, I get horrible messages at times but nothing that bad.

The fact you replied just shows how ignorant they were towards you both, without knowing you.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

It’s more confusing as to why you think this is an issue to do with ‘black guys’ as you put it, as opposed to those two guys in particular.

As others have observed, their colour is irrelevant here. As for whether you can consider it a form of racism towards you, you are free to do so, but to what end? It’s not something you have to face on a daily basis as people genuinely affected by racism do, it doesn’t have any wider significance than those two precise and unrelated incidents...so really, what would be the point?

Sadly it is not just these two guys, it is much more prevalent than that. I think the real issue here is the fact that we have met black guys before, they have all been chosen because they were nice guys who maybe engaged in conversation, made us smile, bought me a drink, or were just hot physically, so it's really upsetting to have this level of insult thrown at us when apart from anything else, it's just not true!"

I'm sure it is upsetting, but it's probably worth considering that maybe these guys have had their race and racism thrown in their face so many times that they're now seeing it where it doesn't exist, and it's absolutely nothing personal to you.

I know the majority of people on this forum don't want to acknowledge the possibility of any racism (see the many discussions where people insist that 'it's preference!' is the only thing that needs to be said) but it's out there.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It amazes me (Basil) how many people use their colour as an excuse to be abusive towards people if they’re rejected. Maybe look at your approach and have a rethink of your approach.

I am Asian and have never used the colour of my skin as the reason why I believe someone has said no thank you to me.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘all white ladies want to have sex with black men’, when you dont fit into that category as a white lady then ‘clearly’ something is wrong.

Sounds like a few entitled guys who thought pushing the ‘BBC’ thing would get them play and when thats not come to pass the tantrum throwing has happened.

Theres racial elements at play but maybe not racism per se. People should just respect folks decisions not to meet them for what ever reason that may be.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

It’s more confusing as to why you think this is an issue to do with ‘black guys’ as you put it, as opposed to those two guys in particular.

As others have observed, their colour is irrelevant here. As for whether you can consider it a form of racism towards you, you are free to do so, but to what end? It’s not something you have to face on a daily basis as people genuinely affected by racism do, it doesn’t have any wider significance than those two precise and unrelated incidents...so really, what would be the point?

Sadly it is not just these two guys, it is much more prevalent than that. I think the real issue here is the ue!

Sure - but what you are experiencing is people being rude and insulting towards you, because you’ve rejected their advances.

That’s not racism."

But HE accused us of being racist because we said no thankyou

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The male in question has obviously got a huge chip on his shoulder.

Sadly some have and will still pull the race card if not getting their own way.

It's pathetic and nothing really to do with race. It justifies the rejection in his eyes and he couldn't care less about your feelings, lovely guy.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not ok for anyone to cry wolf and use the race card (or any other card they have up their sleeve) in this way. I’ve seen it done for various reasons and all it serves to do it make the person saying it look stupid and even worse actually harms the fight for racial equality.

Unfortunately some people on here (couples and females included) can’t handle rejection and get abusive about it. These guys are obviously using race to try to mask their own short comings.

On a side note. Even if your preference was for white guys that doesn’t even class as racist, it’s just personal preference.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

It’s more confusing as to why you think this is an issue to do with ‘black guys’ as you put it, as opposed to those two guys in particular.

As others have observed, their colour is irrelevant here. As for whether you can consider it a form of racism towards you, you are free to do so, but to what end? It’s not something you have to face on a daily basis as people genuinely affected by racism do, it doesn’t have any wider significance than those two precise and unrelated incidents...so really, what would be the point?

Sadly it is not just these two guys, it is much more prevalent than that. I think the real issue here is the ue!

Sure - but what you are experiencing is people being rude and insulting towards you, because you’ve rejected their advances.

That’s not racism.

But HE accused us of being racist because we said no thankyou"

You are not racist. Get that thought out of your head. I, too, hate it when people try to use their skin-colour as a weapon. At the end of the day, this person is trying to coerce you into having sex with them. That's not right. Report and block them.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *unmatt888Man
over a year ago

Duns


"People that say idiotic things to strangers are exactly that - idiots.

The knobber that called you a racist OP was just another one of the many butt hurt people on here that don't take rejection well.

His words and skin color are irrelevant.

Beat me to it! Nothing to do with racism and everything to do with lashing out after a rejection.

Mrs TMN x"

Exactly. It's just bellends refusing to accept that they were rejected, like those who suddenly decide that actually you were ugly and they weren't interested in the first place.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

You shouldnt be upset over it, it is a preference

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *unmatt888Man
over a year ago

Duns


"You shouldnt be upset over it, it is a preference "

What's a preference, being an arse?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.


"You shouldnt be upset over it, it is a preference

What's a preference, being an arse?"
No, it is what the person is looking for.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *iL DeVeLWoman
over a year ago

Luton

Its just racism plain and simple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Choose who you wanna bang dont be shamed into banging someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What makes u think it could be black guy. Could it be a fake white/brown guy trying to impersonate? I might be wrong but possible??

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are just fuckwits, that cant take rejection. regardless of race, colour, gender or anything else.

This is a swingers site, (or used to be) not instashag.

J

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.


"Some people are just fuckwits, that cant take rejection. regardless of race, colour, gender or anything else.

This is a swingers site, (or used to be) not instashag.

J "
Well said, totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one of my best friends is black.

and he respects my different views on things, we talk sometimes gets heated but it always ends in man hugs and still respecting each other.

i think if anyone calls you a racist before they actual know you then you block them.

give them no reply or thought.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

A cunt is a cunt, doesn't matter what skin their zipped in.

S

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rs Ravensong OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

[Removed by poster at 24/01/21 10:05:51]

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

I think it might be a male ego problem more than race but they are using the race card to try to make you feel bad. Most men can't handle the fact that someone might not find them attractive, add to that a chip on the shoulder some people carry around and that's probably the reason. I personally would love a black or Asian female lover but afraid to put it on my profile due to how sensitive some folk are about race.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rs Ravensong OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

You're not upset but want to know if you're receiving racist treatment as a white woman?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it might be a male ego problem more than race but they are using the race card to try to make you feel bad. Most men can't handle the fact that someone might not find them attractive, add to that a chip on the shoulder some people carry around and that's probably the reason. I personally would love a black or Asian female lover but afraid to put it on my profile due to how sensitive some folk are about race. "

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x"

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rs Ravensong OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cheltenham, Gloucestershire


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society. "

I think you're missing the point if the post.

If I hadn't mentioned their ethnicity, there would have been no context to my original post, which would have made it pointless in the first place.

Like I said, it was THEM who made race an issue, not me - would they have called me a racist if I'd been of the same ethnic origin as them?

V x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

I think you're missing the point if the post.

If I hadn't mentioned their ethnicity, there would have been no context to my original post, which would have made it pointless in the first place.

Like I said, it was THEM who made race an issue, not me - would they have called me a racist if I'd been of the same ethnic origin as them?

V x

"
they certainly wouldn't...as you wouldn't have stated theirs in your post.

Do you state the ethnicity of all the white men who have been abusive to you ?

Or for instance if a fat man insult you of being a skinny woman, would you have stated his body size in your post ?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As others have said OP, I really think it’s more to do with wounded pride than anything else. I’ve had the same before but I chalk it up to the individual just wanting to hurt me as much as I’ve hurt them, so they say the worst thing they possibly can about you on their way out the door. Water off a ducks back now

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

I think you're missing the point if the post.

If I hadn't mentioned their ethnicity, there would have been no context to my original post, which would have made it pointless in the first place.

Like I said, it was THEM who made race an issue, not me - would they have called me a racist if I'd been of the same ethnic origin as them?

V x

"

I think most people with half a brain could have figured out the person wasn't the same race as you if they were calling you racist for not wanting to meet them but you specified they were black. I think that's the point he's making.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *kyblue1878Couple
over a year ago

Southport


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society. "

Think you're missing the point of the OP's title of 'inverse racism'. Hence the reference to the background of the man.

You're right that his race/colour shouldn't make a difference ordinarily.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

I think you're missing the point if the post.

If I hadn't mentioned their ethnicity, there would have been no context to my original post, which would have made it pointless in the first place.

Like I said, it was THEM who made race an issue, not me - would they have called me a racist if I'd been of the same ethnic origin as them?

V x

I think most people with half a brain could have figured out the person wasn't the same race as you if they were calling you racist for not wanting to meet them but you specified they were black. I think that's the point he's making."

Yes and the fact that obscure links could be easily made by some people.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

Think you're missing the point of the OP's title of 'inverse racism'. Hence the reference to the background of the man.

You're right that his race/colour shouldn't make a difference ordinarily."

I don't miss the point and totally got it.

But let's be honest here... Racism is racism and manifests itself in every ethnicity... Inverse racism does not make much unless you want to create sides... Of them against us.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rs Ravensong OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cheltenham, Gloucestershire


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

I think you're missing the point if the post.

If I hadn't mentioned their ethnicity, there would have been no context to my original post, which would have made it pointless in the first place.

Like I said, it was THEM who made race an issue, not me - would they have called me a racist if I'd been of the same ethnic origin as them?

V x

they certainly wouldn't...as you wouldn't have stated theirs in your post.

Do you state the ethnicity of all the white men who have been abusive to you ?

Or for instance if a fat man insult you of being a skinny woman, would you have stated his body size in your post ? "

No, but then I've never been called a fat-ist.

The irony is, I genuinely don't understand why anyone would judge or treat another hunan being differently based on their ethnic origin.

I think the reason for my post was very clear, if you choose to misinterpret the point I was making, nothing I say will convince you otherwise.

At the end of the day, sending abusive messages to someone for any reason, is not acceptable - especially if they've treated you with courtesy and respect.

V x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

Think you're missing the point of the OP's title of 'inverse racism'. Hence the reference to the background of the man.

You're right that his race/colour shouldn't make a difference ordinarily.

I don't miss the point and totally got it.

But let's be honest here... Racism is racism and manifests itself in every ethnicity... Inverse racism does not make much unless you want to create sides... Of them against us. "

Surely there is no such thing as ‘inverse’ racism. Behaviour is either racist or not. It doesn’t matter whom is doing it to whom. Or am I being a bit dim ?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

Think you're missing the point of the OP's title of 'inverse racism'. Hence the reference to the background of the man.

You're right that his race/colour shouldn't make a difference ordinarily.

I don't miss the point and totally got it.

But let's be honest here... Racism is racism and manifests itself in every ethnicity... Inverse racism does not make much unless you want to create sides... Of them against us.

Surely there is no such thing as ‘inverse’ racism. Behaviour is either racist or not. It doesn’t matter whom is doing it to whom. Or am I being a bit dim ?"

Not at all you nailed it.

But I guess some whites needed a new prefix to racism to describe their feeling... As it is probably not the same as other ethnicities

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

Think you're missing the point of the OP's title of 'inverse racism'. Hence the reference to the background of the man.

You're right that his race/colour shouldn't make a difference ordinarily.

I don't miss the point and totally got it.

But let's be honest here... Racism is racism and manifests itself in every ethnicity... Inverse racism does not make much unless you want to create sides... Of them against us.

Surely there is no such thing as ‘inverse’ racism. Behaviour is either racist or not. It doesn’t matter whom is doing it to whom. Or am I being a bit dim ?"

Haha yeah the inverse of racism would be race supremacy surely?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

Think you're missing the point of the OP's title of 'inverse racism'. Hence the reference to the background of the man.

You're right that his race/colour shouldn't make a difference ordinarily.

I don't miss the point and totally got it.

But let's be honest here... Racism is racism and manifests itself in every ethnicity... Inverse racism does not make much unless you want to create sides... Of them against us.

Surely there is no such thing as ‘inverse’ racism. Behaviour is either racist or not. It doesn’t matter whom is doing it to whom. Or am I being a bit dim ?"

I agree

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What I find very interesting in your post is that you don't make judgements based on skin colour but felt like it was necessary to highlight the skin colours of the guys who disrespected you because you weren't positive to their requests.

It was the men who made colour an issue, not me - by branding me a racist for declining their invitation to meet, they were making assumptions/judgements about who I am, based on MY skin colour...that was the point of the post.

V x

Oh I totally get that but still found it very interesting to have stated his skin colour.

You could have just say a man has been calling me a racist but you felt it was necessary to highlight that the man happened to be black... And then added another disrespectful man who happened to be black again. A link could drawn there.

Racism and prejudice aren't the same thing. You can be prejudiced but never felt the weight of systemic racism... Especially as a white person living in a predominantly white society.

Think you're missing the point of the OP's title of 'inverse racism'. Hence the reference to the background of the man.

You're right that his race/colour shouldn't make a difference ordinarily.

I don't miss the point and totally got it.

But let's be honest here... Racism is racism and manifests itself in every ethnicity... Inverse racism does not make much unless you want to create sides... Of them against us.

Surely there is no such thing as ‘inverse’ racism. Behaviour is either racist or not. It doesn’t matter whom is doing it to whom. Or am I being a bit dim ?"

Not dim at all! I think the ‘inverse’ idea has come about through a strange belief that only white people can be racist. Racism is racism

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rs Ravensong OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

I apologise if anyone finds the title of the thread inappropriate - I realise that some people are interpreting 'inverse racism' as me actually being racist.

Take that out of the equation - had I posted about receiving abusive messages, being judged as racist for declining an invitation to meet, would you have treated my point any differently.

In the spirit of informing me in a positive way - how do you feel I could have worded this differently to get my point across in a way which wouldn't offend anyone?

I'm genuinely inviting positive discussion, not conflict or confrontation.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I apologise if anyone finds the title of the thread inappropriate - I realise that some people are interpreting 'inverse racism' as me actually being racist.

Take that out of the equation - had I posted about receiving abusive messages, being judged as racist for declining an invitation to meet, would you have treated my point any differently.

In the spirit of informing me in a positive way - how do you feel I could have worded this differently to get my point across in a way which wouldn't offend anyone?

I'm genuinely inviting positive discussion, not conflict or confrontation.

V x"

No matter how you worded it someone would have been offended.

You know if you are racist or not, strangers on the internet don't.

Don't let it get you down.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"I apologise if anyone finds the title of the thread inappropriate - I realise that some people are interpreting 'inverse racism' as me actually being racist.

Take that out of the equation - had I posted about receiving abusive messages, being judged as racist for declining an invitation to meet, would you have treated my point any differently.

In the spirit of informing me in a positive way - how do you feel I could have worded this differently to get my point across in a way which wouldn't offend anyone?

I'm genuinely inviting positive discussion, not conflict or confrontation.

V x"

It’s a shame that rather than having a conversation about your wording some insinuations were made that have made you feel like this.

We all need to learn to be better but not at the expense of making you feel bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I apologise if anyone finds the title of the thread inappropriate - I realise that some people are interpreting 'inverse racism' as me actually being racist.

Take that out of the equation - had I posted about receiving abusive messages, being judged as racist for declining an invitation to meet, would you have treated my point any differently.

In the spirit of informing me in a positive way - how do you feel I could have worded this differently to get my point across in a way which wouldn't offend anyone?

I'm genuinely inviting positive discussion, not conflict or confrontation.

V x

No matter how you worded it someone would have been offended.

You know if you are racist or not, strangers on the internet don't.

Don't let it get you down. "

Agree with this ^

People on the net don’t know you. You’re always going to offend someone on her that much is clear. There’s several threads running about that same topic even now. I’d have not titled the thread ‘inverse racism’, probably more likely to pose it as ‘racist?’ if I were to post it at all. But you’ll always piss someone off I’m afraid

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I understand the question, the concern. I've thought the same thing before at work.

Example: I've had people come in and sit themselves down at a reserved table. I did my job and told them unfortunately they'd need to go back to where they came in as the table was reserved for a booking and there was a wait for tables, they'd be more than welcome to join the wait list.

They wouldn't accept that and called me racist.

They weren't white.

It was in no way a racist act on my part, they were treated no differently to anyone else.

I did wonder if they would reacted the same way if they had been given the same answer from someone as the same ethnicity as them. If the answer was no, did that in fact mean they were judging me based on MY skin colour, which is, is it not a form of racism?

I don't think it's fair to jump on people for trying to understand. People are often saying we need to discuss it, we need to learn.

You're asking for clarity is all.

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x"

Based on what you've stated, then no. I think they're just taki g the rejection personally and trying to needle you by being abusive. So you're not racist, but they ARE misogynists. Funny old world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x"

The two men were wrong to respond to you like that but don’t generalise all black men from their actions .

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By *rs Ravensong OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cheltenham, Gloucestershire


"Good morning you lovely lot,

This morning I received a reply to a polite 'no thank you' implying that I'm racist because I didn't want to accept the invitation to 'meet today', from a complete stranger I'd never spoken to (the reason I declined the offer), who just happened to be black.

A few days ago, we received a really abusive message from another black guy on our couple's profile, calling us 'racists c*nts' when I sent a polite 'no thank you' to his message which said 'when can I fuck you'. Needless to say, he was blocked and reported for being abusive.

The irony is, that I have met black guys from Fab, based on personality and connection, as much as physical attraction (not skin colour), as is the case with anyone I meet - skin colour/nationality is irrelevant.

I don't make judgements based on colour, so what makes it ok for black guys to make assumptions and judgements about the kind of person I am, simply because I don't accept every invitation I receive, to have sex!? Could this be considered a form of racism towards me as a white woman, being as the judgment was made about my character based on the fact I'm white?

I'd like to just clarify, I'm not remotely upset by the messages, I'm just curious to know what others think (regardless of colour)? Has anyone else had similar experience?

V x

The two men were wrong to respond to you like that but don’t generalise all black men from their actions ."

I can assure you I don't - I form my opinions of people based on who they are, and how they behave...not what they look like.

V x

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