FabSwingers.com forum: Being introduced.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you’ve been meeting someone regularly with a view to dating when should you be introduced to friends and family?

Would a reluctance to be introduced to friends or family be a possible sign that the person isn’t interested in anything long term?

Also a reluctance to do anything together in public, a meal or drinks or even a walk around the area or a supermarket!

What other things like the above would indicate that the person doesn’t see you as someone in their future plans.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

It does sound a tad suspicious if I’m being honest I’m afraid to say

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

If someone did not want to be seen with me in public i would tell them where to go and presume they were married. Being someones dirty secret is not for me.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I always introduce people to my mum first. Id dump them if they didnt want to meet her

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Being in public is one thing and don’t have an issue with it.

However introducing to family is so different, this never happens unless I am sure they are going to be in my life a long time.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

If someone didn't want to be seen together in public, not only would I find it weird and suspicious but I couldn't be bothered with working around that.

As for friends and family, I'd say it depends on their relationship with them, especially family. Personally I usually start to invite someone to casual social meet ups with my friends around 2-4 months in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes you wants things just for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be very wary or suspicious of him.

I definitely wouldn't want to be "hidden from sight" in a potential relationship experienced that for a couple of years.

However, I need to be really sure as in 100% sure, if I want to introduce them to my kids too. It's hard enough breaking up with that person even after a short time, without it additionally affecting your family.

I avoid this now due to having had a friend of 40 years declare "his undying love for me, introduced him to kids, invited him to my home and bed, a few weeks later he discloses that he only wanted to have fun... took the wind out of my sails, never invited him back (my kids would want to have serious words with him). Friendship with him is limited now (my choice).

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

"If someone didn't want to be seen together in public, not only would I find it weird and suspicious but I couldn't be bothered with working around that.

I would agree with this.

Not only is it suspicious, it’s also a ball ache trying to work around. I’m not sure there could be a satisfactory justification for it so I wouldn’t entertain it.

As for meeting friends and family, I would be in no rush. I think until I know exactly what the dynamic is/developing into, I would be cautious about bringing them into my inner circles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they don't want to be seen in public with you then that automatically tells me that they are hiding something. Do they have a secret? I've always said that in life there is always someone out there for everyone I would love it if I had a girlfriend I would show her off to the world

and I would not have any problems with meeting friends and family

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being seen in public? That should immediate, I have a first date in public.

Family, well, that is a personal choice but a few months is normal, even upto the first year for some

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I'd asssume he was taken or a controller

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you’ve been meeting someone regularly with a view to dating when should you be introduced to friends and family?

Would a reluctance to be introduced to friends or family be a possible sign that the person isn’t interested in anything long term?

Also a reluctance to do anything together in public, a meal or drinks or even a walk around the area or a supermarket!

What other things like the above would indicate that the person doesn’t see you as someone in their future plans. "

My friend was dating a guy, he introduced her to all his mates - they went on nights out fairly regularly, they Skyped his family overseas regularly - she was introduced as his gf and they knew she was hoping it would be serious relationship resulting in children / marriage. He met her family... He met her friends - we even went away together... He stayed over regularly at her house, they did mundane shopping trips etc - affectionate in puclic... He was a student doctor.

They were together 2 years when one day out of the blue, the'ex-wife' called my friend. Turned out she wasn't the ex, she was very much a current wife and lived only a few miles away... And was unaware of my friend. It was a total shit disaster

So even with all your above checks, you only ever know what the other person shows you

Oh... And he wasn't a student doctor

Her world fell out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had been single for 4 years when we started our relationship (we met via fab).

I wanted to focus on building my relationship, taking it slow with no pressure on either of us. It took me 9 months before I introduced him to my kids. I wanted to be sure and not mess my kids emotions about in any way.

We both really enjoyed those early months of living in our little bubble.

If a prospective future partner didn't want to be seen publicly with me even in those early days then a huge red flag would start waving at me in my mind and I would discuss my concerns. Which may result in my decision to walk away.

I do hope you're ok OP

Her x

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Not being willing to do things outside the bedroom would be a massive red flag for me if I thought the relationship was meant to be more than bedroom antics.

Not meeting friends or family - depends where they live.

All of my friends and family live on the other wise of the country, so its not so easy to arrange, but an abject refusal would be sus.

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

I can understand the reluctance with family as they may wish to wait until the relationship is more established but if they wouldn't go out the door with me anywhere then I would find that very strange and just not acceptable

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"I can understand the reluctance with family as they may wish to wait until the relationship is more established but if they wouldn't go out the door with me anywhere then I would find that very strange and just not acceptable "

I would find it a bloody insult.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What about unwilling to share personal information (not like how much you earn) but just basic stuff, always wanting to meet at your home, never going to theirs, not willing to share anything about themselves?

All red flag stuff, agree?

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

"What about unwilling to share personal information (not like how much you earn) but just basic stuff, always wanting to meet at your home, never going to theirs, not willing to share anything about themselves?

All red flag stuff, agree?

Yep, there's being private and then there's keeping secrets

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

It seems pretty unanimous that if they can't be seen in public with you then they don't deserve you between the sheets.

The only no for me is family, I don't want to meet anyones family.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

All red flag stuff, agree? "

Yes. You know yourself this is not natural.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they don't want to be seen with you in in public then Run as far as you can from that person as they are no good for you. If you are with some one you like then its like having a new car you want to show it off to every one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Awesome

keep it coming, lots of useable content here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All red flag stuff, agree?

Yes. You know yourself this is not natural."

I was about to say this too

Her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Urgh relationships are hard work - I really don't want to meet anyones friends and family or kids

Just no.

I want someone just for me.

Yes of course it's a red flag if you want a traditional relationship.

You're just the dirty secret.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unwilling to share personal information all red flag stuff run run run

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

"Awesome

keep it coming, lots of useable content here.

Intrigued as to how this is a surprise.You could ask the same question of most groups and get the same answer. "If a partner you are long-term dating doesn't want to be seen with you in public or by family - is that a good thing?" Do you figure in your book that fab users (singles and not necessarily 'swingers') are oblivious to some pretty basic social signals? Perhaps they are?

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

All red flag stuff, agree? "

I personally wouldn’t ask anyone what they earn it is none of my business. Some people are private and don’t share much until they are comfortable with the other person, if I started getting asked loads of personal questions I would probably get up and walk away. Conversation should naturally flow and if some topics come up as part of that far enough, but if I wasn’t ready to share something with someone I wouldn’t.

As for meeting at each other’s homes, I don’t have anyone here, in six years just one other person has been here and is known them 8 months and my lad wasn’t around. Again if they don’t like that, that’s not my problem and something I’m upfront about right from the off

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I don’t like being grilled on the finer details of my life, I’ll share that when I trust you. I find it a bit emotionally exhausting being asked questions constantly.

I introduce folk to my mum when the time feels right.

My kids would be introduced months later when trust is gained and I know they plan on sticking around and are trustworthy.

I don’t formally introduce men to friends, I just rock up to social events with them and that’s that.

I would expect the same in return, if they had kids.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Awesome

keep it coming, lots of useable content here.

Just looking for ideas on what sort of red flags can feature in my book.

Fab has such a wide range of people from all walks of life and professions. Had some of my best advice from here over the years. I will give a shout out to everyone in the acknowledgment section of my book

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 20/10/20 17:13:52]

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