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Honesty

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I wonder how many of us have been lied to so the other party could get what they want.

Early stages of chatting to a potential meet i asked if he was married. He replied honestly and told me he was, i didnt feel comfortable with carrying on. However should he have lied and said he was single, id more than likely have been non the wiser and he might have got the meet he was after.

I respected his honesty

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

was he being honest and respectful to his wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

here we go...............

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By *ummy mummyWoman
over a year ago

southampton-ish

oh I have had many who have decided to not tell the truth, have said they were single...one that really gets me is the guy who I had been chatting with for over a year and said he was single and then at one point a year or so on he made a comment about how he was back home with the missus on the weekends...when I said I thought you said you were single he said ,"well, I was when we started chatted"...and it was my fault for not asking again...so in that time he met someone,got engaged and married,and it was my fault for not continuing to ask if he was still single...how silly of me...lol

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 03/07/12 19:15:11]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

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By *ummy mummyWoman
over a year ago

southampton-ish

[Removed by poster at 03/07/12 19:15:47]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

safe-ish sex*

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

"
Very well put

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

i think in this game a lot of things have to be taken at face value

if they sa they are sigle, who am i to doubt that

if i find out i have been lied to what can i do about it? give him a piece of my mind? never speak to them again and move on

people who want to decieve will do so

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

"

There are people on here who lie for lots of different reasons. They lie to get sympathy and attention. They lie out of jealousy and possessiveness. They lie to give them a life to talk about and for the sheer hell of having something to say. They say one thing one week/month and the something else the next.

The thing is…. I’m not so sure lying to get a shag is the most pathetic reason to lie.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

There are people on here who lie for lots of different reasons. They lie to get sympathy and attention. They lie out of jealousy and possessiveness. They lie to give them a life to talk about and for the sheer hell of having something to say. They say one thing one week/month and the something else the next.

The thing is…. I’m not so sure lying to get a shag is the most pathetic reason to lie.

"

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

There are people on here who lie for lots of different reasons. They lie to get sympathy and attention. They lie out of jealousy and possessiveness. They lie to give them a life to talk about and for the sheer hell of having something to say. They say one thing one week/month and the something else the next.

The thing is…. I’m not so sure lying to get a shag is the most pathetic reason to lie.

"

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

There are people on here who lie for lots of different reasons. They lie to get sympathy and attention. They lie out of jealousy and possessiveness. They lie to give them a life to talk about and for the sheer hell of having something to say. They say one thing one week/month and the something else the next.

The thing is…. I’m not so sure lying to get a shag is the most pathetic reason to lie.

"

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

There are people on here who lie for lots of different reasons. They lie to get sympathy and attention. They lie out of jealousy and possessiveness. They lie to give them a life to talk about and for the sheer hell of having something to say. They say one thing one week/month and the something else the next.

The thing is…. I’m not so sure lying to get a shag is the most pathetic reason to lie.

"

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

people who want to decieve will do so"

There is of course the very valid question what consitutes a lie.... Sometimes, and I have seen this in life as well as on this site, people will embellish a story to make it funnier or more dramatic. Is that a lie? Not in my books.

Other times people genuinely forget details of an event and it could be seen as a lie? Is that a lie? Not in my books.

So, what does constitue a lie?

Not wanting to bring in any wiki or other definitions as the decision on whether something is a lie or not is a personaol one in this context. To me a lie is the deliberate (and sometimes malicious) misinformation of others in order to gain a certain advantage. Few people in my experience fall into this category.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I think it's easy to spot a married man - says she who dated a.married man for two years without twigging - but I've wised up!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I think it's easy to spot a married man - says she who dated a.married man for two years without twigging - but I've wised up! "
Thats bad, and I guess he must have been quite manipulative for you not to have spotted it. But then if you are a genuine and trusting person yourself... why would you question a person and their every move? I can see how nice people can end up with not so nice people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex husband lied, and lied for years,

By the time I twigged it was too late and now I am so careful, and not as trusting, so if I'm lied to, even just once I'll walk away. I dont want friends that I cant trust....

Its such a shame people cant just be honest

I respect the men that admit to being married, & see how ironic it is that by declining them I am punishing them in a twisted sense I have to live with my conscience as my guide though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

he should of lied then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

"

+1

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

I respect the men that admit to being married, & see how ironic it is that by declining them I am punishing them in a twisted sense I have to live with my conscience as my guide though "
Absolutely - we all live with our own moral and emotional landscapes

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

its something valuable as its about trust..

once the trust is broken then whilst not irreparable, a bit of damage is done..

as said integrity and personal standards are important..

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"its something valuable as its about trust..

once the trust is broken then whilst not irreparable, a bit of damage is done..

as said integrity and personal standards are important.."
Agreed! Wondering also, what other things in relationships (in the broad sense of the word so including swinging relationships here for argument's sake) what other events are damaging besides breaking trust? Little digs, day in, day out... one partner constantly criticising the other... all of those damage relationships. Not necessarily beyond repair but nonetheless damaging

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"its something valuable as its about trust..

once the trust is broken then whilst not irreparable, a bit of damage is done..

as said integrity and personal standards are important..Agreed! Wondering also, what other things in relationships (in the broad sense of the word so including swinging relationships here for argument's sake) what other events are damaging besides breaking trust? Little digs, day in, day out... one partner constantly criticising the other... all of those damage relationships. Not necessarily beyond repair but nonetheless damaging "

would imagine constant sniping in a relationship would be very damaging, the underminng of one by another..

the drip, drip effect is nasty and pretty horrible..

far worse than a 'one off'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said I was 10inches..I wasnt...we had a great nite..apart from the fact she laughed at my 9.5 tiddler

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I said I was 10inches..I wasnt...we had a great nite..apart from the fact she laughed at my 9.5 tiddler"
Well, so you embellished by 0.5 of an inch... Hardly the crime of the century unless she was offended by your not telling the precise truth

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By *dinMan
over a year ago

Nr Biggleswade

You can tell when a man is fibbing he moves his mouth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I said I was 10inches..I wasnt...we had a great nite..apart from the fact she laughed at my 9.5 tiddlerWell, so you embellished by 0.5 of an inch... Hardly the crime of the century unless she was offended by your not telling the precise truth"

embellended??

anyway I said 0.5 worth of thrust would get her G-spot banged easily

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I said I was 10inches..I wasnt...we had a great nite..apart from the fact she laughed at my 9.5 tiddlerWell, so you embellished by 0.5 of an inch... Hardly the crime of the century unless she was offended by your not telling the precise truth

embellended??

anyway I said 0.5 worth of thrust would get her G-spot banged easily"
How would you respond if she told you her G spot was 2 inches in diameter - would you believe it?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I think it's easy to spot a married man - says she who dated a.married man for two years without twigging - but I've wised up! Thats bad, and I guess he must have been quite manipulative for you not to have spotted it. But then if you are a genuine and trusting person yourself... why would you question a person and their every move? I can see how nice people can end up with not so nice people."

No, I'm not trusting but his parents and brother enabled him. His parents ran a b&b and he said he'd separated from his wife and moved in. We'd alternate, I'd spend the weekend with him, he'd spend the weekend with me when the girls were with their dad.

We'd go on holidays etc.

His mum and brother were nice to me, his father not so much. I thought he didn't like inter-racial relationships, no, he didn't like me because I was his sons bit on the side.

Apparently he hadn't left his wife. She was severely disabled and had undergone a series of operations. He looked after her during the week and her mother and sister took over at the weekends to give him a break...I was the break.

Never saw it.

In my defense at that time the only man I'd been with was my husband, I was an innocent abroad. Ooh to be that naive again...not!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can tell when a man is fibbing he moves his mouth "

Not Keith Harris

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can tell when a man is fibbing he moves his mouth "

Oh thats harsh but funny.

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire


"was he being honest and respectful to his wife"

Nothing wrong with a married man playing alone if the partner is happy with it, He could always offer for you to talk with his wife to confirm shes ok with it i suppose.

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire


"its something valuable as its about trust..

once the trust is broken then whilst not irreparable, a bit of damage is done..

as said integrity and personal standards are important..Agreed! Wondering also, what other things in relationships (in the broad sense of the word so including swinging relationships here for argument's sake) what other events are damaging besides breaking trust? Little digs, day in, day out... one partner constantly criticising the other... all of those damage relationships. Not necessarily beyond repair but nonetheless damaging "

Ignoring or not talking about how ones feeling is another, if you communicate you share your thoughts and feelings and are more likely to cope as a unit through thick and thin, stay quiet about things and they can fester or people can just drift apart. Its especially important with swinging,as it helps share fantasies and feel that they are both in the adventure together whilst it avoids one person slowly developing silly but potentially serious issues such as jealousy or resentment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"was he being honest and respectful to his wife"

Nobody said she knew about him on a sex site though so I wouldn't presume he was being respectful to her indoors

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"I don't need to lie.

I am a 52 year old bisexual single male who is on a swinger/sex site to meet other people for safe sex.

The second I feel the need to lie to strangers for the sole purpose of emptying my scrotum, I will have a wank, press the delete button and be happy.

It is about my integrity and dignity, the second I start to lose them, time to give this all up.

"

bingo... and couldn't have said it better, and that is the one thing that "some" people will never understand.....

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"

people who want to decieve will do so

There is of course the very valid question what consitutes a lie.... Sometimes, and I have seen this in life as well as on this site, people will embellish a story to make it funnier or more dramatic. Is that a lie? Not in my books.

Other times people genuinely forget details of an event and it could be seen as a lie? Is that a lie? Not in my books.

So, what does constitue a lie?

Not wanting to bring in any wiki or other definitions as the decision on whether something is a lie or not is a personaol one in this context. To me a lie is the deliberate (and sometimes malicious) misinformation of others in order to gain a certain advantage. Few people in my experience fall into this category. "

that is an interest point.... because people say in effect we all lie a little... I say there is a bit of a difference between saying you have 1 choccy biscuit when you have had 2.... and doing something like this behind the person you profess to love more than any other's back....

as much as it is a lie... what I find as bad if not worse is deception by omission... as if "if" you had asked the right questions they would have told you...

but you are right, people who want to deceive will do so, and won't care about who they hurt in the wake of their actions.....

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire


"

people who want to decieve will do so

There is of course the very valid question what consitutes a lie.... Sometimes, and I have seen this in life as well as on this site, people will embellish a story to make it funnier or more dramatic. Is that a lie? Not in my books.

Other times people genuinely forget details of an event and it could be seen as a lie? Is that a lie? Not in my books.

So, what does constitue a lie?

Not wanting to bring in any wiki or other definitions as the decision on whether something is a lie or not is a personaol one in this context. To me a lie is the deliberate (and sometimes malicious) misinformation of others in order to gain a certain advantage. Few people in my experience fall into this category.

that is an interest point.... because people say in effect we all lie a little... I say there is a bit of a difference between saying you have 1 choccy biscuit when you have had 2.... and doing something like this behind the person you profess to love more than any other's back....

as much as it is a lie... what I find as bad if not worse is deception by omission... as if "if" you had asked the right questions they would have told you...

but you are right, people who want to deceive will do so, and won't care about who they hurt in the wake of their actions....."

as always you post good sensible replys that cut to the nub of things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course I have, even to myself.

Lying in itself is not so bad its your motive.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"I wonder how many of us have been lied to so the other party could get what they want.

Early stages of chatting to a potential meet i asked if he was married. He replied honestly and told me he was, i didnt feel comfortable with carrying on. However should he have lied and said he was single, id more than likely have been non the wiser and he might have got the meet he was after.

I respected his honesty"
People lie in here all the time about every conceivable thing...marital status, sexuality, age, size,education..the list is endless...seems a bit strange that respect is given for telling the truth......hey ho

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

people who want to decieve will do so

There is of course the very valid question what consitutes a lie.... Sometimes, and I have seen this in life as well as on this site, people will embellish a story to make it funnier or more dramatic. Is that a lie? Not in my books.

Other times people genuinely forget details of an event and it could be seen as a lie? Is that a lie? Not in my books.

So, what does constitue a lie?

Not wanting to bring in any wiki or other definitions as the decision on whether something is a lie or not is a personaol one in this context. To me a lie is the deliberate (and sometimes malicious) misinformation of others in order to gain a certain advantage. Few people in my experience fall into this category.

that is an interest point.... because people say in effect we all lie a little... I say there is a bit of a difference between saying you have 1 choccy biscuit when you have had 2.... and doing something like this behind the person you profess to love more than any other's back....

as much as it is a lie... what I find as bad if not worse is deception by omission... as if "if" you had asked the right questions they would have told you...

but you are right, people who want to deceive will do so, and won't care about who they hurt in the wake of their actions....."

Plus there a re a range of "cognitive distortions" - it can be easy at times to tell yourself that "somebody has made you do xyz", that "it is not going to hurt them if they dont know about it" etc. the kind of self justifications designed to numb your conscience. At some small level most of us will have probably eased our conscience in this way... but when the consequences affect another person, that is bad and morally wrong. Well, in my world anyway

PS I really only had one choccie biscuit

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"I wonder how many of us have been lied to so the other party could get what they want.

Early stages of chatting to a potential meet i asked if he was married. He replied honestly and told me he was, i didnt feel comfortable with carrying on. However should he have lied and said he was single, id more than likely have been non the wiser and he might have got the meet he was after.

I respected his honestyPeople lie in here all the time about every conceivable thing...marital status, sexuality, age, size,education..the list is endless...seems a bit strange that respect is given for telling the truth......hey ho "

it does feel a bit warped where someone who is lying in effect everywhere else then gets lauded for telling the truth about deceit elsewhere... but then.. only in swinging I suppose.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wonder how many of us have been lied to so the other party could get what they want.

Early stages of chatting to a potential meet i asked if he was married. He replied honestly and told me he was, i didnt feel comfortable with carrying on. However should he have lied and said he was single, id more than likely have been non the wiser and he might have got the meet he was after.

I respected his honestyPeople lie in here all the time about every conceivable thing...marital status, sexuality, age, size,education..the list is endless...seems a bit strange that respect is given for telling the truth......hey ho

it does feel a bit warped where someone who is lying in effect everywhere else then gets lauded for telling the truth about deceit elsewhere... but then.. only in swinging I suppose....."

Nope, it's game theory......... If you are in it foryourself you win far more often than if you tell the truth. That's why lieing works..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People will always fib to get what they want - always have and always will.

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it's easy to spot a married man - says she who dated a.married man for two years without twigging - but I've wised up! Thats bad, and I guess he must have been quite manipulative for you not to have spotted it. But then if you are a genuine and trusting person yourself... why would you question a person and their every move? I can see how nice people can end up with not so nice people.

No, I'm not trusting but his parents and brother enabled him. His parents ran a b&b and he said he'd separated from his wife and moved in. We'd alternate, I'd spend the weekend with him, he'd spend the weekend with me when the girls were with their dad.

We'd go on holidays etc.

His mum and brother were nice to me, his father not so much. I thought he didn't like inter-racial relationships, no, he didn't like me because I was his sons bit on the side.

Apparently he hadn't left his wife. She was severely disabled and had undergone a series of operations. He looked after her during the week and her mother and sister took over at the weekends to give him a break...I was the break.

Never saw it.

In my defense at that time the only man I'd been with was my husband, I was an innocent abroad. Ooh to be that naive again...not! "

That's really sad, but not your fault. If his family went along with it too you'd have no reason to believe otherwise.

Glad you're happy now.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"it does feel a bit warped where someone who is lying in effect everywhere else then gets lauded for telling the truth about deceit elsewhere... but then.. only in swinging I suppose....."

its not warped at all, its self preservation. Why do i care if he is lying to someone else? how is that goig to effect me?

call me selfish if yo want but i would much prefer someone to be honest and tell me they are married so i can make an informed choice to meet them or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it does feel a bit warped where someone who is lying in effect everywhere else then gets lauded for telling the truth about deceit elsewhere... but then.. only in swinging I suppose.....

its not warped at all, its self preservation. Why do i care if he is lying to someone else? how is that goig to effect me?

call me selfish if yo want but i would much prefer someone to be honest and tell me they are married so i can make an informed choice to meet them or not."

If I were to admit I was married and you were to say 'I don't meet maried men' I don't get laid.

If I don't say I am maried and you find out you won't shag me cos I am either married or I have lied.

If I don't say I am married and you don't find out, I might get a shag.

Odds are on the side of the person who lies and gets away with it. That's why poeple lie.........

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