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50 shades of....CHAV!

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By *tensonSwingers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Stenson Fields

"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he... called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of , B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had fucked his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ass. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which was rare as the crack he injected,normally played havoc with his erections.......To Be Continued(maybe)

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By *tensonSwingers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Stenson Fields


"

"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he... called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of , B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had fucked his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ass. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which was rare as the crack he injected,normally played havoc with his erections.......To Be Continued(maybe)"

he reached for the warm, half empty can of special brew i robbed him from bargain booze and poured it over my hair, this was something naughty indeed, bathtime pleasure!...The tepid liquid rolled off my lank hair like water off a ducks back. As he dropped his Primark grey tracky bottoms, I felt the crusty hardness and smelt the aroma of his Spongebob boxershorts against my spotted arsecheeks. This was heaven. Easing his smegma-coated cock into me was like fucking a bowl of muesli as my chancred flappage chafed against him...again and again he slammed the beer can onto the back of my head, timed with the onslaught of him 'giving me a portion', as i passed out with the intense pain. I was awoken by Britney, the youngest of my 7 children who was crying that the reheated chicken nuggets had made her sick. Opening a can of Lidl spaghetti hoops calmed her while i watched Dwayne toking on a joint and trying to remove the cd player from our neighbours car with 2 butter knives. At last, I thought, a real man, trying to earn money for our family! ...... To Be Continued...(maybe)

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

this is sooo funny

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By *o 1Man
over a year ago

Ponteland / London

Class

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

More please....but not until i have mopped up the tears of laughter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I heard about this on facebook, google it

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By *tensonSwingers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Stenson Fields


"I heard about this on facebook, google it "

Bet you can only find the first bit...I only wrote the second part last night

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

Briiliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny

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By *ohnny4playMan
over a year ago

Kinross

Thanks very funny - thanks also to someone who re-posted it in the stories forum, otherwise I may have missed this.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

OMG I was not going to read the original 50 shades - but somehow I feel now I have to. Hilarious thread

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