FabSwingers.com forum: Stupid jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Any stupid jokes here

I’ll start

What’s the difference between a egg and a wank

You can beat a egg but you can’t beat a wank

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can’t think of any at the moment

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I can’t think of any at the moment

Liar

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By *siancouplehantsCouple
over a year ago

K-PAX

Is it just me or is venison real dear

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Seaside Sussex

What's the connection between Rupert the Bear, Alfred the Great and Jack the Ripper?

All 3 have the same middle name...

I'll get me coat

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A guy walking out of a looney hospital with a parrot on his shoulder

And a guy asks where did you get that from

The parrot said there’s loads in there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock,

Who’s there?

Dr who

You just got it

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Seaside Sussex

"A guy walking out of a looney hospital with a parrot on his shoulder

And a guy asks where did you get that from

The parrot said there’s loads in there "

A student walks into a pub with a toad on his head. The barman nods to the toad and says "How did you come to have that?"

The toad replies "Well, it started as a boil on my arse..."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A guy walking out of a looney hospital with a parrot on his shoulder

And a guy asks where did you get that from

The parrot said there’s loads in there

A student walks into a pub with a toad on his head. The barman nods to the toad and says "How did you come to have that?"

The toad replies "Well, it started as a boil on my arse...""

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

There was a midget who ran under a miniskirt and got a crack on the head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why can’t cows paint their nails? Because they lactose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dyslexic lives Mattress!

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By *ichelle999Couple
over a year ago

leicester

Went to a dyslexia rave the other everyone was taking fs

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By *ikesEmBigMan
over a year ago

Herts

two robbers stole a calendar and both got 6 months

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the guy with 5 dicks! His underpants fit like a glove

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By *oungAtHeartCurvyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

It takes a big man to admit he's wrong but an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the chicken cross the road ?...to get to the assholes house .

Knock knock ..

Who's there ?

The chicken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the 2 tampons say when they met at the bus stop

Nothing there both stuck up cunts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably laughed more than should at them but shows my maturity lmao

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By *edonist bornMan
over a year ago

Hailsham

I was such an ugly baby when I was born the midwife held me up then slapped my mum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats worse than a sister fingering her sister

Finding her dads ring

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By *orenzoVonMatterhornMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade it in to her arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work???

A cant opener

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By *oungalpha20Man
over a year ago

North West /Cumbria

Whats the difference between a prostitute and a kfc?

Once youve finished with the legs breast and thighs all youve got left is a greasy box to stick the bone in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I had a bad cut on my finger

A mate said that’s a nasty cut how did that happen

I said I cut it on a split margarine tub about 3 weeks ago

I can’t believe it’s not better

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

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By *rishman75Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

did you hear about the Irish woodworm? it was found dead in a brick x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the can crusher quit his job ???

Because it was soda pressing !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was such an ugly baby when I was born the midwife held me up then slapped my mum!"

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Why did the blonde buy a convertible extra legroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the best time of day?

6.30, hands down.

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By *wistedbambi69Woman
over a year ago

Somerset

"What did the 2 tampons say when they met at the bus stop

Nothing there both stuck up cunts

Hahaha this has to be my favourite

I so needed this thread today

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

I went to an archeology party where they were all looking for the remains of a lower leg. It was quite the shindig.

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

A guy walks into a bar, and he's wearing pink shoes, pink socks, pink trousers, pink shirt, pink, waistcoat, pink cravat, pink jacket, his hair is all bouffant and there's a parrot on his shoulder.

The barman says "Where did you get him?" and the parrot replies "I won him in a raffle"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I went to an archeology party where they were all looking for the remains of a lower leg. It was quite the shindig."

Good one !!

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By *otSoNewAnymoreMan
over a year ago

North East

2 Irish poofs - William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam

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By *otmale5Man
over a year ago

glasgow

2 lions walking down the Main Street. One says to the other .. “ quiet today “

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By *P994Man
over a year ago

Travelling

I wrote a book about a transsexual with a speech impediment. It's called Man or Myth

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By *otmale5Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Did you hear about the homosexual Scotsman. He preferred peat in the bogs to heather in the hills .

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

"I went to an archeology party where they were all looking for the remains of a lower leg. It was quite the shindig.

Good one !!"

I try

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not one who believes in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-ho-stasis, if you will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never trust atoms. They make up everything

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Some cracking science jokes here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

two midgets wanted a baby. They went to the doctor, who said that would be fine. And did they want a baby girl or a boy ? the midgets said they didnt mind as long as it fitted inside a cannon

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By *Lord AnthonyMan
over a year ago

Kirkcaldy/Edinburgh

Did you hear about the animal park whose main attraction was a dog?

It was a Shih Tzu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a fine line between a numenator and a, denominator.

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

My uncle has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I was reading a book the other day called The History Of Glue

I couldn't put it down....

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

I went into the bookshop the other day and asked the woman behind the counter for a book about turtles.

"Hardback?" she asked.

"Yeah" I replied, "with little heads."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walks down the street with two dogs on a leash, he was asked "are they Jack Russell's: he said "no they are mine"

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Might have done this one before, but what do you get if you combine bondage, bestiality and necrophilia?

Flogging a dead horse

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By *nkforthekinkMan
over a year ago

london/fareham

So I asked a Chinese woman for her number she said sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight!! Her friend said No, it’s 6663629.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 blonds walked into a building, I would have thought 1 might have seen it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the library and said "Do you have that book about Ladyboys?". She said "It's tucked away somewhere" and I said "Yes, that's the one"

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By *lappyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I’ve just graduated from a ballet degree at uni ..... I left with a 2:2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never trust atoms. They make up everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

You will see one later and the other in a while

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

what's a skeleton's favourite food?

Ribs

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizzeria and says to the guy at the counter, make me one with everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it just me that thinks that elevators smell completely different to midgets?

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

What did one extractor fan say to the other extractor fan ?

"I used to really like tractors".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizzeria and says to the guy at the counter, make me one with everything."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My kid asked me to stop singing Oasis songs all the time.

I said maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once knew a girl with 12 nipples .. sounds funny

Dozen tit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walked into the fish shop carrying a salmon under his arm he said to the man behind the counter “you do fish cakes?” he replied “yes of course” The man carrying the salmon said “ah that’s great it’s for its birthday” ....

It was a joke on a quiz show I watched in the week lol...

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By *azkinsWoman
over a year ago

leeds

What do you call a woman with a radiator on her head?.

A. Anita

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

For some reason my brothers and me enjoyed this one we made up ourselves:-

What did the man say to the man?

Man

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By *otSoNewAnymoreMan
over a year ago

North East

The Labour Party

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By *lappyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I wouldn’t say my ex was easy but she’s been rattled more times than a charity tin

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

To all the insomniacs out there, look on the bright side, only 3 more sleeps til Christmas!

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

My girlfriend is such a slag I've started selling her bath water as a protein shake

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

A mirror cleaner is a profession I can really see myself in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I finally got over my addiction to singing Barenaked Ladies song lyrics.

It's beeeeen one week....

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

There were two cannibals eating a clown one said to the other does this taste funny to you

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By *lut and sirCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Whats pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff!

Whats blue and fluffy?

Pink fluff holding its breath

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about the Irish rapist who tied her legs together......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A chef got his hand caught in a dishwasher....

They were both fired.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked a waitress in a restaurant "can I have a look at the menu please".

she said "it's none of your fu**ing business". !

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By *ugget O CassMan
over a year ago

Salt lake

A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why was the pharaoh crying?

Because his daddy was a mummy.

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By *lappyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

As a nervous flyer what’s the first thing I see when I get to the airport in big letters .... terminal

So I was sat in the departure area looking at the plane and a little old lady asked I was nervous and I nodded then she asked if it was my first time, to which I replied ... no I’ve been nervous before

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet.

Chewing gum.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I'm a schizophrenic transvestite.

And so is my sister!

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By *lut and sirCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Whats brown and sticky??

My pussy

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By *erDirtyRockstarMan
over a year ago

buckinghamshire

Saw a super cheap TV in the shop window other day . "Volume stuck on full" I thought, I can't turn that down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does the Irish man wear two condoms?

To be sure, to be sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is this??

An upside down one of these ¿

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

My wife said can you please stop singing wonderwall. I said maybe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it just me or is venison real dear"

I know that a couple can be two deer

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"My wife said can you please stop singing wonderwall. I said maybe."

Not definitely maybe?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought up a wacky joke yesterday....

What is Jamaica's favorite biscuit?

Wagwan Wheels....

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I can’t think of any at the moment

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

What do Santa's helpers learn at school?

The Elfabet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get hanging from apple trees

Sore arms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s Bruce lees favourite drink

Wataaaa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend died from heartburn the other night I can’t believe gaveisgone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did one snowman say to the other snowman???

Can you smell carrots

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My friend died from heartburn the other night I can’t believe gaveisgone "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just read a book on the Stockholm syndrome.....

In the end I really liked it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two blondes walk into a skyscraper........ you'd have thought One would have seen it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An old couple were out on their 50th wedding anniversary and they decided to go to the place where they had first met.

After they had eaten the husband goes to his wife "Hey you remember that fence out back don't you?" His wife goes "Why, yes Harold thats where we first made love" Harold then goes "Well, how about we go relive the old times, eh?".

His wife agrees, and a young man nearby follows them out, intrested to see what this is gonna be like.

The old couple get to the fence, get naked and then start rocking and bucking like their were 16 years old again! The young guy watches until they finally collapse off the fence and asks them "Its amazing you guys have still got that much stamina at your age?!". The old man, who is still kinda dazed says "Well lets put it this way kid, 50 years ago, the f@cking fence wasn't electrified!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is now illegal in Lancashire to go in the shower and use no more tiers

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Doris knew if was time to leave the Gangbang when her nose started running

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my through customs by putting it up her arse. Imagine her surprise when we found you could just buy another can in the terminal afterwards!

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By *hechairman18Man
over a year ago

Salford Quays , Manchester

A guy saw an advert "Handy man Wanted".

The Boss said,

Any good with,

Electics?

No.

Joinery?

No.

Plumbing?

No.

Painting and Decorating?

No.

What's makes you think your a Handy man?

I only live down the road.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in Tesco earlier and this guy threw a block of cheese at me! Then he chucked a pot of yogurt at me! he then pored a pint of milk over my head!

I thought “How dairy”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the Ethiopians phone number?

80-80-028.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went for an eye test.The optitian took me outside and said

"what can you see"?

I said "the Sun"

He said "well how far do you want to see "?

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Sadly, the man who invented sexual innuendo passed away yesterday

His wife's taking it very hard

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By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

What's green, has 6 legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A snooker table.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do we want...

"hearing aids".

When do we want 'em..

"hearing aids"

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"What do we want...

"hearing aids".

When do we want 'em..

"hearing aids""

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Farting in a crowded lift is wrong on so many levels!

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

Crazy paving isn’t all cracked up as it’s meant to be

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

I often say to myself, “I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do we want...

"hearing aids".

When do we want 'em..

"hearing aids""

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told a joke about my massive ego.

Nailed it

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Dwarves and midgets have little in common.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A fridge doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.

You’re welcome.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

I bought an egg and then a chicken on ebay. Now I wait.

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By *iss behaving2019Woman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Ten o'clock a boy walks into the classroom. Teacher says to him " you should have been here at nine o'clock! Boy replies " why? What happened?"!!

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By *ebusStoneMan
over a year ago

Weymouth

Did you hear about the woman who got graped ?

There was a bunch of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just went to an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers!

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By *r.HMan
over a year ago

A gentleman never tells

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had Korean meatballs for lunch today.

They were the dogs bollocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A red curry and a green curry had a race.

Which one won?

Neither it was a Thai!

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By *eterthescientistMan
over a year ago

wirral

I’ve done so many circumcisions in my career I could do them with my eyes closed... until I got the sack

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By *yronutMan
over a year ago

St Austell

Two Parrots sitting on a perch.......

One said to the other.......’can you smell fish?’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does an Eskimo build his house?

Igloos it together.

No? Ok I'll get me coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's getting his coat. ^

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By *hechairman18Man
over a year ago

Salford Quays , Manchester

The guy that wrote the "okiy koky" song, died recently.

There was a lot of trouble getting him into the coffin.

First they put his left leg in, then they pulled his left leg out.......etc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Blonde housewife was having an affair with her boss

She said don’t worry I can’t pregnant

Boss said good

She said my husbands had the snip

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

I said to my doctor “On Wednesday I couldn’t get the song ‘Delilah’ out of my head. Then on Thursday I couldn’t stop humming The Green Green Grass of Home’ all day long”

He said “I know exactly what’s wrong with you. You’ve got Tom Jones Syndrome!”

I asked “Is that rare?”

He replied “It’s not unusual”

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Seaside Sussex

Two monkies sitting in a bath

One monkey says

Hooohoohh aaahhaaahh gaaak!

The second monkey says

Well you should put more cold water in then shouldn't you!

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By *otSoNewAnymoreMan
over a year ago

North East

" Crazy paving isn’t all cracked up as it’s meant to be "

You aren't allowed to say crazy pacing anymore. The term is concrete slabs released back into the community

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By *lut and sirCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

My grandad is an amazing bloke, he has the heart of a lion.

And a lifetime ban from london zoo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nihilism means nothing to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the doctor and said "doctor, doctor, I keep having a poo at exactly 7am each morning"

Doctor says "thats pretty normal and nothing to worry about"

I said "but I don't wake up until 8am"

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

I ate a piece of string and it came out the other end all tied up.

I shit you knot!

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By *ll of a QuiverCouple
over a year ago

Douglas

Police responding to a break-in at a warehouse found two teenage lads.

One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other off!

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By *enithWoman
over a year ago

closer than you think

Two eggs in a saucepan of boiling water

One says “blimey it’s hot in here”

Other replies “wait till you get out, they smash your head in”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A barman says "We don't serve your kind in here"

A time lord walks in to a bar.

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By *exy Two-Shoes40Man
over a year ago

bolton

A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis.

He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I telephoned the Tinnitus helpline.....it just kept ringing

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