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Sexless relationships

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Who has been in one and what is the reason you stopped having sex

If you're still in one why do you stay?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because there are five of us in a small house and privacy is non existent, and it’s a long long story

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have in the past, i went the wrong way about it for a while looking elsewhere ect then decided to spice things up and get out the stale patch, which worked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me I stayed in it because of having young children

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does a long distanced relationship count? She moved away, wanted me to, I wasn't prepared to move. Wasn't because I wasn't getting any that the relationship ended though, in the end, we wanted different things.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

"

That's horrible

I was with someone very manipulative and he made me feel that I couldn't leave him.

Hugs to you lovely x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me I stayed in it because of having young children"

For financial reasons?

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me I stayed in it because of having young children

For financial reasons?"

No simply because they loved there Dad

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

Low sex drive on her side.

Stayed for 10 years as didnt think I'd find someone who would love me as much.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

"

I've been in this second situation . He used sex as a weapon. He would deny me sex or allow me to please him for nothing in return. I know you don't give to recieve but it was incredibly one way. He would make excuses not to have sex with me by making hurtful comments about my appearance or personal hygiene to the point I now have a complex about showering just before sex or between rounds of sex. I've had sexual partners since try to get me to relax about it and when comfortable with someone I can to an extent but it's so hard to undo that level of shame someone makes you feel about your body. Then when he was caught cheating he claimed that I didn't give him enough sex or attention and that's why he did it. It was a total head fuck. I was somehow simultaneously too gross to have sex with, pathetic for wanting sex from him and yet responsible for his cheating by not meeting his needs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Op

My ex friend. Was constantly d*unk. He never showed any interest. Lived a whole year not having sex with him. Slept on the sofa. Nightmare

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

"

Big hugs,I'm straight but can say that your drop dead gorgeous ,it's really awful that you went through that and I also cunderstand how it would knock your confidence,he was an awful person ,and at least you got to wake up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a guy friend who I met (from here) back in 2014. When I met him the second time he dropped the bollock that he had a gf. I said that I didn’t want to meet him again yet we remained on speaking terms. Fast forward a few months and he says she’s pregnant and he doesn’t know what to do. I said to him he either stays and makes a go of it and be’s a good bf and dad OR he leave now yet still be a good father to the child and support it finically. We speak over the years, always him moaning that she doesn’t want sex ever. I stupidly met him again in 2017 and he’s now married this bird. Oh well, enjoy your married life. Yet still messages me relentlessly wanting to meet. I won’t meet him for sex and he goes into detail about how unhappy he is yet he can’t leave cos of his kid. I say well that’s the life you chose so deal with it. Not my problem.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

I've been in this second situation . He used sex as a weapon. He would deny me sex or allow me to please him for nothing in return. I know you don't give to recieve but it was incredibly one way. He would make excuses not to have sex with me by making hurtful comments about my appearance or personal hygiene to the point I now have a complex about showering just before sex or between rounds of sex. I've had sexual partners since try to get me to relax about it and when comfortable with someone I can to an extent but it's so hard to undo that level of shame someone makes you feel about your body. Then when he was caught cheating he claimed that I didn't give him enough sex or attention and that's why he did it. It was a total head fuck. I was somehow simultaneously too gross to have sex with, pathetic for wanting sex from him and yet responsible for his cheating by not meeting his needs. "

Hugs to you Lacey that sort of abuse takes time to recover from - but you will x

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

"

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

I've been in this second situation . He used sex as a weapon. He would deny me sex or allow me to please him for nothing in return. I know you don't give to recieve but it was incredibly one way. He would make excuses not to have sex with me by making hurtful comments about my appearance or personal hygiene to the point I now have a complex about showering just before sex or between rounds of sex. I've had sexual partners since try to get me to relax about it and when comfortable with someone I can to an extent but it's so hard to undo that level of shame someone makes you feel about your body. Then when he was caught cheating he claimed that I didn't give him enough sex or attention and that's why he did it. It was a total head fuck. I was somehow simultaneously too gross to have sex with, pathetic for wanting sex from him and yet responsible for his cheating by not meeting his needs. "

There are some nasty pieces of work around.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

I've been in this second situation . He used sex as a weapon. He would deny me sex or allow me to please him for nothing in return. I know you don't give to recieve but it was incredibly one way. He would make excuses not to have sex with me by making hurtful comments about my appearance or personal hygiene to the point I now have a complex about showering just before sex or between rounds of sex. I've had sexual partners since try to get me to relax about it and when comfortable with someone I can to an extent but it's so hard to undo that level of shame someone makes you feel about your body. Then when he was caught cheating he claimed that I didn't give him enough sex or attention and that's why he did it. It was a total head fuck. I was somehow simultaneously too gross to have sex with, pathetic for wanting sex from him and yet responsible for his cheating by not meeting his needs. "

Exactly that. That's the feelings. And it's so hard to get rid of them. I'm not sure I ever really will

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

Big hugs,I'm straight but can say that your drop dead gorgeous ,it's really awful that you went through that and I also cunderstand how it would knock your confidence,he was an awful person ,and at least you got to wake up "

Thank you lovely - yes exactly I woke up!

I'm so grateful for my independence now x

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

I've been in this second situation . He used sex as a weapon. He would deny me sex or allow me to please him for nothing in return. I know you don't give to recieve but it was incredibly one way. He would make excuses not to have sex with me by making hurtful comments about my appearance or personal hygiene to the point I now have a complex about showering just before sex or between rounds of sex. I've had sexual partners since try to get me to relax about it and when comfortable with someone I can to an extent but it's so hard to undo that level of shame someone makes you feel about your body. Then when he was caught cheating he claimed that I didn't give him enough sex or attention and that's why he did it. It was a total head fuck. I was somehow simultaneously too gross to have sex with, pathetic for wanting sex from him and yet responsible for his cheating by not meeting his needs.

Hugs to you Lacey that sort of abuse takes time to recover from - but you will x"

Thank you. I'm getting there but some things are harder to undo .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just got out of my sexless relationship, now I'm just sexless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex husband.

Stopped having sex after our first child because I hated my body and didn't feel sexy in the slightest. Gradually got my confidence back, all fine then had our second, my confidence plummeted again and our son was ill a lot as a baby so sex became a non starter. That's when he showed his true colours and I realised what he was actually like, 18months later with a lot of shit in between, I walked away.

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By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

I've been in this second situation . He used sex as a weapon. He would deny me sex or allow me to please him for nothing in return. I know you don't give to recieve but it was incredibly one way. He would make excuses not to have sex with me by making hurtful comments about my appearance or personal hygiene to the point I now have a complex about showering just before sex or between rounds of sex. I've had sexual partners since try to get me to relax about it and when comfortable with someone I can to an extent but it's so hard to undo that level of shame someone makes you feel about your body. Then when he was caught cheating he claimed that I didn't give him enough sex or attention and that's why he did it. It was a total head fuck. I was somehow simultaneously too gross to have sex with, pathetic for wanting sex from him and yet responsible for his cheating by not meeting his needs. "

Both of these situations are horrible. I just don't understand what these men get from being so cruel. There are so many people who have suffered in abusive relationships that everyone has to be guarded with new partners.

Well done to you both for coming out stronger! X

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I've been in two. The first was my marriage. We stopped having sex after I had back surgery and then just never started again. He kept saying it was because he was worried about hurting my back but even after I recovered he didn't want to. Weirdly given the fact I love sex and would happily do it all day every day, I wasn't bothered, because I stopped desiring him long before that.

The second one, he was an evil manipulative, abusive bastard and it started with him withholding sex if I had done anything he didn't agree with. And he would tell me constantly how fat, ugly and stupid I was, so I had no desire or confidence for it. After that there was the odd occasion for a couple of years but I don't consider that as sex. Then nothing for over 3 years thankfully.

I've been in this second situation . He used sex as a weapon. He would deny me sex or allow me to please him for nothing in return. I know you don't give to recieve but it was incredibly one way. He would make excuses not to have sex with me by making hurtful comments about my appearance or personal hygiene to the point I now have a complex about showering just before sex or between rounds of sex. I've had sexual partners since try to get me to relax about it and when comfortable with someone I can to an extent but it's so hard to undo that level of shame someone makes you feel about your body. Then when he was caught cheating he claimed that I didn't give him enough sex or attention and that's why he did it. It was a total head fuck. I was somehow simultaneously too gross to have sex with, pathetic for wanting sex from him and yet responsible for his cheating by not meeting his needs.

Exactly that. That's the feelings. And it's so hard to get rid of them. I'm not sure I ever really will "

Same. I think there will always be at least a niggle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've just got out of my sexless relationship, now I'm just sexless

"

It's better than being sexless in a relationship don't you think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i know couples who have had children and now they have grown up and left home sleep in different bedrooms.

i think people can still love each other.

when i asked him about sleeping in a different room he said it was because she snored like a rhino.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My ex husband.

Stopped having sex after our first child because I hated my body and didn't feel sexy in the slightest. Gradually got my confidence back, all fine then had our second, my confidence plummeted again and our son was ill a lot as a baby so sex became a non starter. That's when he showed his true colours and I realised what he was actually like, 18months later with a lot of shit in between, I walked away. "

Good for you!

So many people don't and stay in the relationship for years.

Life wasted x

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By *hrissieTV/TS
over a year ago

Colchester

My brother is on a sexless marriage. They have been married for 35 years, got a house. 2 grown kids and a dog. They haven't had a physical relationship for the last 15 years. He had the snip at her insistence when he was 40. Since then nothing. He moans to me about it all the time. I keep asking why he doesn't do something about it and he just shrugs his shoulders and says it's too much hassle.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

"

Oh honey. I know it doesn't help much, but you're gorgeous, your ex is, as you know deep down, both wrong and an arsehole, and all that person is to you now is a nightmare that you can now wake up from.

Sending hugs. I'm sorry they have to be virtual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

Big hugs,I'm straight but can say that your drop dead gorgeous ,it's really awful that you went through that and I also cunderstand how it would knock your confidence,he was an awful person ,and at least you got to wake up

Thank you lovely - yes exactly I woke up!

I'm so grateful for my independence now x"

Your most welcome,and I'm so glad to hear it x

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I was in an almost sexless relationship when married but that was due to me not liking my ex so I didn’t want sex or enjoy it. I only had sex when he ‘made’ me, fore play was do you want to roll over

For all he was a manipulator he would compliment me in a sexy way but when he had controlled me and put me down in other ways the sexy compliments were pointless.

After we separated I didn’t have sex for over 5 years and didn’t miss it as it hadn’t been a great experience previously. Then a ‘friend’ showed me great sex and then I ended up here

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By *exualneedsMan
over a year ago

l

I do love her, and wish she would join this lifestyle.

We don't have much privacy in the house which doesn't help either

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"i know couples who have had children and now they have grown up and left home sleep in different bedrooms.

i think people can still love each other.

when i asked him about sleeping in a different room he said it was because she snored like a rhino. "

Yes I understand this it's about having a life partner - there is more to life than sex - but if you're a sexual person then it is painful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Who has been in one and what is the reason you stopped having sex

If you're still in one why do you stay?

"

Sometimes the spark just goes. You still love that person but the sexual attraction has gone could be down to being constantly on different pages, timings off and no privacy or time, sometimes you start to take each other for granted. But you stay because they’re you’re good friend or best friend or you have children or you’ve managed to find a good life partner just not a sexual one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me! The current relationship I’m in now. But we’re having lots more sex now.

Stopped having sex because I got the depo injection, which sucked my sex drive away. That, and things that happened when I was younger, plus my depression....my sex life was pretty much null from the ages of 18-22.

C totally understood, and still understands. Never once has he moaned, complained, even contemplated cheating or meeting someone else, even though I told him multiple times he could. He’s the best person in the whole entire world. Which is why it baffles me when people are cheating just because their partner has no sex drive.

C has a huge sex drive. He’d fuck me multiple times a day, if I was up for it.

But we communicated, and still communicate.

I used to break down very often, cry because I felt like such a shit person, not having sex with him. And he was/is so reassuring that it’s not the case at all.

I don’t even consider myself ‘lucky’, even though people will tell me I am. What, I’m lucky that my husband didn’t cheat on me? Didn’t leave me? Wow...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex husband.

Stopped having sex after our first child because I hated my body and didn't feel sexy in the slightest. Gradually got my confidence back, all fine then had our second, my confidence plummeted again and our son was ill a lot as a baby so sex became a non starter. That's when he showed his true colours and I realised what he was actually like, 18months later with a lot of shit in between, I walked away.

Good for you!

So many people don't and stay in the relationship for years.

Life wasted x"

Best decision I ever made. Took a lot of work but finally got my confidence and my life back.

Sounds like I'm blaming my children in that post, I'm not. The issue wasn't them, it was the way he behaved towards my feelings. I always have and always will have issue's with my body. It wasn't news to him but he was the type of person who told an anorexic to "get over it" that sort of shit doesn't make you want to have sex with someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep left one earlier this year. We’d grown apart.. realised I didn’t really like him, it was something I jumped into as didn’t want to be alone and came to my senses this year basically!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sending hugs to everyone, some of this is heartbreaking to read

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've just got out of my sexless relationship, now I'm just sexless

It's better than being sexless in a relationship don't you think?"

Yes definitely, I can masturbate in peace now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, just left one. We always had an amazing sex life which included swinging but life killed it. A very close relative was diagnosed as terminally ill, job being at risk, kids and a puppy always needing attention and general day to day stress saw her sex drive fall off a cliff. It wasn't the lack of sex that hurt, it was that she stopped all physical contact at all. No cuddles, no touch of the hand no spooning in bed. She openly admitted she had no drive.

I went through similar a few years back but I always made the effort to help her still be satisfied sexually, even if that was to tell her to have a wank, or help her masturbate, and even take her to a club to play with others.

But she went totally cold and didn't care if I was suffering with frustration. I deliberately didn't masturbate for months just in case one day she was ready, then i would be ready to satisfy her. It ended up with me in blue balls agony for a very long time so I ended up moving out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

"

A hug to make it go away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been in a sexless relationship for over 15 years,partner lost all interest.Shes my best friend and this is the only area in our lives that isnt great.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"Who has been in one and what is the reason you stopped having sex

If you're still in one why do you stay?

"

I was in one for years but did eventually go. He was just not interested in sex. There are many reasons why i stayed but guess it was mainly not to unsettle the children plus i was not sure i would manage financially as would probably need to give up my job as could not afford childcare. The months roll into years and you just plod along. It is really soul destroying and i lost my spark along the way. Leaving was the hardest thing i ever done but also the best. I did however wait until the children had left school so it was a bit easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a sex less marriage for many many years. I had opportunity to stray but never did and I thought of leaving many times but always found reason to stay no matter how small. I tried to discuss it but eventually gave up after lots of heated arguments and no real explanation. Our relationship suffered for the first few years until it became normal. We kept it hidden from others and ourselves, burying our heads in the sand but it was always there. Eventually other cracks appeared and I decided to leave. My wife was my best friend and sister until she passed away four years later. We were described as the most together, untogether couple people knew. I began seeing others as friends as I was not ready to be be in touch another relationship. I never hid anything but also never flaunted it. My journey of the last 30 years has brought me here. I suppose what I would advise anyone in that position is that it's a symptom of other issues. If there is love then seek help. If not then the time will come naturally for it to end. Good luck. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have said this on one of my other threads when it comes to marriage life if something isn't right then you walk away... because I've never been married I can't just have an opinion but honestly if something isn't right even if there are kids involved you can't just stay together especially if you both want different things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i know couples who have had children and now they have grown up and left home sleep in different bedrooms.

i think people can still love each other.

when i asked him about sleeping in a different room he said it was because she snored like a rhino.

Yes I understand this it's about having a life partner - there is more to life than sex - but if you're a sexual person then it is painful."

again i think thats something which can change over time. youve both had many years together, wrote the book so to speak and now your both together enjoying what time you have.

then you die.

god that sound awful!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have said this on one of my other threads when it comes to marriage life if something isn't right then you walk away... because I've never been married I can't just have an opinion but honestly if something isn't right even if there are kids involved you can't just stay together especially if you both want different things"

Sometimes easier said than done though. Not just marriage but even a long term relationship if there's kids/money etc involved it can make things a lot harder. Life just isn't that black and white.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 years ago I was happily married and had a healthy sex life, then she started talking to lots of other men on the games she played online. She didn’t know I knew about them. Then one day I’d had enough and confronted her, we ended up splitting 2 yrs later and I moved out. She started dating one of the fellas she messaged, after meeting 4/5 others who just used her for sex. I had started to chat to a few ladies off here(no meets tho) and was getting used to single life when her fella started to show a side she hadn’t seen of him. Over the next year or so he tried manipulating her by checking her phone and listening whenever I rang or visited the kids. Me and friends warned her he was trying to control her and finally after many times of him storming off home whenever he didn’t like her talking to someone else, she left(one time he went home and didn’t talk for about 3 days all because she and the kids got me a Liverpool top for Xmas). Anyway just over a year ago we decided to give it another go, and whilst things are good with us we haven’t had sex since we first split. Teenage kids, work, tiredness are all a factor as is getting her to fancy me sexually again. I am hoping things will get better in the bedroom when times are a bit better, but I wouldn’t rule out sleeping with someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just live a lonely life. my wife dosnt want any sex contact at all. Pushes me into depression. There are other benifits though. The food is great and the house is imaculate..But I would love to have sex.......and a dirty house

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my first marriage he rarely wanted sex, he said i was undesirable, fat, old, ugly etc, he belittled me in other ways too. He said he didnt want sex with me and nor would anyone else. I believed him for years, i was so low, i felt i couldnt leave because we had young children and he said he wouldnt give me money etc.

I finally found courage to change my life.

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By *9 kisses.Man
over a year ago

clacton on sea

I'm the same as most men out there,

Kids come along,

Finding time,

She doesn't like spur of the moment sex or stolen moments sex as I call it,

Then it feels like a chore for her,

I gave up years ago hence why I am on here,

Why do I stay,

Just for the kids,

I want be be there for them always,

And if that means a sex less life do be it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, my marriage.

He always had a much lower sex drive than me but I fell I love and compromised on that.

It dwindled even more over the years and then when our youngest was born, he never ever instigated and would continually turn down any advances I made so I stopped trying. That turned into 4 years without sex until the marriage ended.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know how this feels only have sex with my wife every couple bof months, I always ask and try it on but either too tired not in mood etc, buy flowers, always compliment and always get pushed away, kills the confidence. Always the once to say I love you, give hugs kisses etc then every now and then she will be in the mood and obviously not going to say no . Any ideas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup, my partner and I are in one now.

It wasn’t always this way but then I wasn’t always this way either.

We’ve been married 18 years now and have two children together which is one reason we stay together but mostly because no matter what else has happened we’re best friends and want to be with each other.

So if things are that good, why no sex? Well I came out as transgender 9 years ago and I’m now a post op trans woman yet she’s 100% straight.

And before anyone asks, yes she knows I’m here and that we have to seek satisfaction elsewhere for some things. Beyond that we’re the same loving couple we’ve always been.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

It's hard to be sexually attracted to someone you're "mothering".

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

My wife was never all that interested in sex. Even on our honeymoon I think we only had sex once. Then it became once a month and then down to once a year, if that.

If I was being cynical I would say she was interested in me for reasons other than ones that make for a good marriage. I am certain that she wanted a punchbag more than she wanted a husband.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often think about such a scenario given the exposure time this topic gets.

Maybe people in such a scenario and are unhappy, who do nothing about it are behaving in a slightly entitled manner? Expecting others to fix their unhappiness? Playing xevils advocate of course.

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By *arentsgonebadCouple
over a year ago

sheffield

Heading down thay route now

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

Oh honey. I know it doesn't help much, but you're gorgeous, your ex is, as you know deep down, both wrong and an arsehole, and all that person is to you now is a nightmare that you can now wake up from.

Sending hugs. I'm sorry they have to be virtual "

Thanks for the hugs - I need them today.

The dream has really unsettled me and I think it's maybe time for a Fab break - I don't want to be the internet fuck while they have they're best mate at home anymore.

It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in a similar situation to many on this thread. Staying together for the kids and because we don't have enough spare money to live apart.

I think a heady cocktail of birth control and anxiety brought on by the last four or five years has crushed my wife's libido. This anxiety has been amplified by her constantly browsing social media, particularly twitter.

She's also very self conscious about incontinence when she orgasms, so when we do have sex it's unlikely to be anything playful or adventurous.

I do still love and desire her but to me it feels like she doesn't fancy me anymore.

It's tough being an adult sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im sure you are beautiful . Nobody is ugly. Any man would be proud to walk beside you. XX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im sure you are beautiful . Nobody is ugly. Any man would be proud to walk beside you. XX"

Thanks

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"I'm in a similar situation to many on this thread. Staying together for the kids and because we don't have enough spare money to live apart.

I think a heady cocktail of birth control and anxiety brought on by the last four or five years has crushed my wife's libido. This anxiety has been amplified by her constantly browsing social media, particularly twitter.

She's also very self conscious about incontinence when she orgasms, so when we do have sex it's unlikely to be anything playful or adventurous.

I do still love and desire her but to me it feels like she doesn't fancy me anymore.

It's tough being an adult sometimes. "

Maybe she is squirting?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

Oh honey. I know it doesn't help much, but you're gorgeous, your ex is, as you know deep down, both wrong and an arsehole, and all that person is to you now is a nightmare that you can now wake up from.

Sending hugs. I'm sorry they have to be virtual

Thanks for the hugs - I need them today.

The dream has really unsettled me and I think it's maybe time for a Fab break - I don't want to be the internet fuck while they have they're best mate at home anymore.

It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

"

You are good enough. You just haven't found the one good enough for you and you aren't settling any more.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

"

Yes you are. There’s a controlling twat who’s made you feel bad. He’s gone but the feelings take a while longer.

He used to tell you that you’re not good enough, but he was wrong. Now he’s gone please don’t do his job for him

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

Yes you are. There’s a controlling twat who’s made you feel bad. He’s gone but the feelings take a while longer.

He used to tell you that you’re not good enough, but he was wrong. Now he’s gone please don’t do his job for him"

Exactly what Adam said.

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

[Removed by poster at 07/10/20 15:53:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"... She's also very self conscious about incontinence when she orgasms, so when we do have sex it's unlikely to be anything playful or adventurous.

It's tough being an adult sometimes.

Maybe she is squirting?"

I think you are probably right, but she doesn't like the 'burning feeling' of needing pee.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

Yes you are. There’s a controlling twat who’s made you feel bad. He’s gone but the feelings take a while longer.

He used to tell you that you’re not good enough, but he was wrong. Now he’s gone please don’t do his job for him"

This.

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By *irth VaderMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Went 30 months without sex with ex wife due to her being a miserable greedy selfish arsehole who didn’t head warnings about her health and subsequently has chronic Heath problems which have affected myself and my daughter. She would spend £500 a month on herself and then complain we were skint. She also more or less turned into her mother.

Fuck off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With my ex wife. It wasn't totally sexless as whenever she wanted some we still did. Eventually I got fed up with being expected to perform on demand despite no intimacy from her and any form of intimacy from me being rejected the rest of the time, so I would more and more often pretend to be asleep if she tried and she would never push it.

I stayed because we loved each other, because in every other aspect the relationship was good and because the situation had built so gradually over a very long time and became normal. Looking back it is hard to remember when the issues first started but certainly it is now possible to see the beginnings there in our first few years, we actually had one of our very very rare arguments on honeymoon and it played a part in that. We were married after 3 years and together for nearly 16.

Looking back from outside, I can see her behaviour was classic passive aggression, and true to stereotype was probably a result of her childhood and reinforced by subsequent abusive relationships- another reason it was hard to leave as I felt pity and not blame for her. Her total refusal to accept there was any cause or issue aside from that caused by hormonal changes, and therefore nothing she could do about it, was what made me eventually leave.

Mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I wouldn’t say sexless but it’s not a lot but that’s due her her illness, she loved sex when we first met but now 25 years later she struggles with it not just her illness but the weight she has put on so she won’t wear lingerie or have photos taken etc. I just have too much to lose if I leave but leaving just because of not much sex is harsh when you could possibly find sex elsewhere as that the only thing missing

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

My only mono relationship suffered the having kids curse, being left alone in a relationship to raise our child while he went to work then fell asleep when he got home to avoid talking to me drove a resentment wedge between us, I couldn't see a way of ending it but luckily he did, took me 4 years to trust another man after that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people / partners lose interest in sex as they get older. When you have a life together thats generally good and have kids it dosnt seem fair to cause heart ache to everyone else because you still have a healthy sex drive.

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By *ueen of sleezeWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Hubby isn't interested in sex with me

We love each other and he is happy with me having a fuck buddy. He knows on both sides its just sex no feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's hard to be sexually attracted to someone you're "mothering". "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel sorry for anyone who is stuck in a relationship without great sex

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By *arentsgonebadCouple
over a year ago

sheffield

Im not happy with my figure at the minute which is negatively affecting out relationship sexualy. I struggle to understand why i get so many fabs but don't feel fab myself, daddy is understanding but at the same time frustrated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

Oh honey. I know it doesn't help much, but you're gorgeous, your ex is, as you know deep down, both wrong and an arsehole, and all that person is to you now is a nightmare that you can now wake up from.

Sending hugs. I'm sorry they have to be virtual

Thanks for the hugs - I need them today.

The dream has really unsettled me and I think it's maybe time for a Fab break - I don't want to be the internet fuck while they have they're best mate at home anymore.

It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

"

I find I feel better after I've slept again. The day after a bad dream I feel shit but after another sleep my brain seems to reset itself.

I think you're right that all this covid situation is probably playing on your mind and it's that that made you dream.

I doubt the married types who secretly have sex with other people have a 'best mate' at home.

Surely it's them who aren't good enough to have a relationship with, not you.

Hope you feel better tomorrow. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

Oh honey. I know it doesn't help much, but you're gorgeous, your ex is, as you know deep down, both wrong and an arsehole, and all that person is to you now is a nightmare that you can now wake up from.

Sending hugs. I'm sorry they have to be virtual

Thanks for the hugs - I need them today.

The dream has really unsettled me and I think it's maybe time for a Fab break - I don't want to be the internet fuck while they have they're best mate at home anymore.

It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

You are good enough. You just haven't found the one good enough for you and you aren't settling any more."

Don’t ever say that sort of stuff to yourself. You need to talk in a much more fair way to yourself. Maybe a break from here is needed and go and confide in some good friends and realign your thoughts about yourself. Most good people are their own worst critics.

I’ve had many of these self destructive thought patterns before too

Be good to yourself (M)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I woke up today feeling really upset about a dream I had about an ex who used to control me and tell me I was ugly and no one else would want me.

I went a long time without any physical contact and it made me really sad.

Maybe I dreamt it because of my frustration about sexless situation so many of us are in now

I've never been so happy to wake up!

Oh honey. I know it doesn't help much, but you're gorgeous, your ex is, as you know deep down, both wrong and an arsehole, and all that person is to you now is a nightmare that you can now wake up from.

Sending hugs. I'm sorry they have to be virtual

Thanks for the hugs - I need them today.

The dream has really unsettled me and I think it's maybe time for a Fab break - I don't want to be the internet fuck while they have they're best mate at home anymore.

It just confirms it to me that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with.

"

Ive seen lots of your posts. Youre funny, thoughtful, intelligent, you look great. There are lots of men and women who would love to have you in their lives. #MaryFuckingPoppins is fucking great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Went 30 months without sex with ex wife due to her being a miserable greedy selfish arsehole who didn’t head warnings about her health and subsequently has chronic Heath problems which have affected myself and my daughter. She would spend £500 a month on herself and then complain we were skint. She also more or less turned into her mother.

Fuck off. "

I'm pretty sure her perspective wouldn't paint you in the best light either

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

These are very thought-provoking posts. They help me appreciate how lucky I’ve been in past relationships, despite spending a lot of time being single in between the good times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m in a sexless marriage currently....

My wife is quarantined in another state with our son and I’m in NYC working....

We FaceTime everyday, but I really miss her....

I’m not upset , we couldn’t have sex anyway if she was here ...She had a hard delivery and is healing up

Before any of the infidelity police jump in....

I’M NOT CURRENTLY MEETING ANYONE FOR SEX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

could always leave her at the zoo,

im sure they will find somewhere to put her on view

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

I’m still stuck in one. I met him 20 years ago when I was very young and hadn’t been in a relationship before. The sex very quickly dwindled to once a month, then every few minths, then once or twice a year. The last time we had sex was 13 and a half years ago. The only reason he ever gave me was that sex is too “dirty and wrong” to do with someone you love.

The constant rejection eventually made me stop trying, and that and the increasing number of unpleasant comments about my appearance, and making me feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting sex all added up to me losing any attraction to him, and many other problems have made me not want to be with him anymore. I’ve spent years feeling ugly and disgusting because of him, and my self-esteem has been non-existant.

The reason I’m still with him currently is that I’ve never been in a financial position to leave. I’m not quite there yet, and the pandemic hasn’t helped for a lot of reasons. I’m miserable as sin and desperate to get out and have my own life, but there’s no way it’ll happen before next summer.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Pull up a chair. It’s a long story. Lol.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"Pull up a chair. It’s a long story. Lol. "

I am all ears. Good to get it off your chest.x

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"I’m still stuck in one. I met him 20 years ago when I was very young and hadn’t been in a relationship before. The sex very quickly dwindled to once a month, then every few minths, then once or twice a year. The last time we had sex was 13 and a half years ago. The only reason he ever gave me was that sex is too “dirty and wrong” to do with someone you love.

The constant rejection eventually made me stop trying, and that and the increasing number of unpleasant comments about my appearance, and making me feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting sex all added up to me losing any attraction to him, and many other problems have made me not want to be with him anymore. I’ve spent years feeling ugly and disgusting because of him, and my self-esteem has been non-existant.

The reason I’m still with him currently is that I’ve never been in a financial position to leave. I’m not quite there yet, and the pandemic hasn’t helped for a lot of reasons. I’m miserable as sin and desperate to get out and have my own life, but there’s no way it’ll happen before next summer."

I can relate to this. Stay strong and plan in your head what you want to do in the future. Meantime look after yourself and do not let him drag you down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was with my ex husband, not totally sexless as if he wanted it he took it regardless of if I wanted too or not. I just didn’t want sex as it was all one sided and he was selfish in bed, and didn’t do any type of foreplay on myself. He was mentally abusive and manipulate, he made me feel so bad about myself and constantly paraded a string of women in front of me. Especially slim women, yet used to feed me up. In all the years we were together I never had an orgasm and didn’t think I was capable of it.

I know he cheated on me, because he wanted more sex, but when it’s something you do because it’s expected and not pleasurable i switched that side of me off. X

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I’m still stuck in one. I met him 20 years ago when I was very young and hadn’t been in a relationship before. The sex very quickly dwindled to once a month, then every few minths, then once or twice a year. The last time we had sex was 13 and a half years ago. The only reason he ever gave me was that sex is too “dirty and wrong” to do with someone you love.

The constant rejection eventually made me stop trying, and that and the increasing number of unpleasant comments about my appearance, and making me feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting sex all added up to me losing any attraction to him, and many other problems have made me not want to be with him anymore. I’ve spent years feeling ugly and disgusting because of him, and my self-esteem has been non-existant.

The reason I’m still with him currently is that I’ve never been in a financial position to leave. I’m not quite there yet, and the pandemic hasn’t helped for a lot of reasons. I’m miserable as sin and desperate to get out and have my own life, but there’s no way it’ll happen before next summer.

I can relate to this. Stay strong and plan in your head what you want to do in the future. Meantime look after yourself and do not let him drag you down. "

Thank you, that’s what I’m trying to do. One of my things is to make little lists of the things I’ll be able to do when I’ve got my own place. Things like scented candles, a Christmas tree, food I enjoy, just little things that I can’t have at the moment. It helps me remember there’s a future.

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool


"I was with my ex husband, not totally sexless as if he wanted it he took it regardless of if I wanted too or not. I just didn’t want sex as it was all one sided and he was selfish in bed, and didn’t do any type of foreplay on myself. He was mentally abusive and manipulate, he made me feel so bad about myself and constantly paraded a string of women in front of me. Especially slim women, yet used to feed me up. In all the years we were together I never had an orgasm and didn’t think I was capable of it.

I know he cheated on me, because he wanted more sex, but when it’s something you do because it’s expected and not pleasurable i switched that side of me off. X "

Some horrible stories on here

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Blimey! Some people have experienced some nasty pieces of work

I’m glad you are no longer in those toxic situations, have a free hug if you’d like one

Being in a massive depression phase made my last serious relationship sexless and by the time I started to feel like myself again the love had gone and I’d been sleeping on the sofa for years.

Single for a few years now but never been happier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you writing a book too?

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I didn't want to be with him anymore.

Thankfully I found the courage to break up with him and now share my life with an amazing man.

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick


"Who has been in one and what is the reason you stopped having sex

If you're still in one why do you stay?

"

Yep.

4 years of it.

We had just grown apart, which is why we eventually split.

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

We still get on btw.

Just don't love each other anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really glad I found this thread, I've been in a sexless relationship for last 7/8years. I covered it by dancing and golf,3 months ago I suddenly became aware of my sexless life and signed up to another site. I met someone on cam we became friends,out of the blue she blocked me and I was lost again. Then I signed on here. I know I should do something about it but I keep losing my nerve.I have a 31 yr old stepdaughter who as lived with us since she was 7, thanks to her I play as much golf as I want as they do loads of things together. I know by the comments on here, I'm probably lowest of the low. Thankfully, I have another outlet as I'm a recovering gambler/alcoholic and help others, males by the way as it's frowned on to get close to opposite sex in fellowships with good reason. Emotionally vulnerable people get physical as a way of connecting. As it stands,no contact from women but bi guys on here seem to like me,which tickles me as I'm straight. My wife does feed me well and looks after all other needs. Who knows what the future will bring,I don't think she will let me go easily. I spoke to my other married friends and they seem happy to be in a similar boat,limited conversation of substance no sex life. Maybe I should just accept my situation,but great to read this thread.

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By *pal2Man
over a year ago

cumbria

Speaking to married friends Id say that sexless relationships are fairly common as are almost sexless relationships. Problem is meeting someone compatible and even if you do then sexual needs can change for either partner over time. Relationships are about compromise and in general people will accept that not every aspect of relationship is going to be perfect.

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By *ornyhulkMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"I have a guy friend who I met (from here) back in 2014. When I met him the second time he dropped the bollock that he had a gf. I said that I didn’t want to meet him again yet we remained on speaking terms. Fast forward a few months and he says she’s pregnant and he doesn’t know what to do. I said to him he either stays and makes a go of it and be’s a good bf and dad OR he leave now yet still be a good father to the child and support it finically. We speak over the years, always him moaning that she doesn’t want sex ever. I stupidly met him again in 2017 and he’s now married this bird. Oh well, enjoy your married life. Yet still messages me relentlessly wanting to meet. I won’t meet him for sex and he goes into detail about how unhappy he is yet he can’t leave cos of his kid. I say well that’s the life you chose so deal with it. Not my problem. "

I can see why he never wanted to let you go, you look amazing!! and talking from personal experience, him going into detail with you about how much he doesn’t want to be there probably keeps him there, because you allow him to vent his emotions, might sound daft but your probably the reason they’re still together xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Who has been in one and what is the reason you stopped having sex

If you're still in one why do you stay?

"

Why do you stay?

It’s habit. It’s the easy option (odd!)

Reason you stop?

Wrong person. For the right person, intimacy never stops

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By *illhouse1907Man
over a year ago

hartlepool


"Been in a sexless relationship for over 15 years,partner lost all interest.Shes my best friend and this is the only area in our lives that isnt great."

I’m in the same boat. We don’t have it very often and I’ve tried all sorts. She says she enjoys it but she’s never had a high sex drive from meeting 20 years ago. I’m lucky if I get it once a month

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