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Fussy, picky, high standards...

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Musing away about how we frame things.

Often I'll see people describe themselves as being fussy, picky, or having high standards. I also see fussy and picky being thrown at people - particularly women - in a derogatory way, usually alongside a claim that they couldn't be like that in the "real world".

Is knowing your own mind about who you want to do the horizontal tango with really being fussy, or picky? Or is it just knowing what's going to work for you?

Likewise, does knowing your own mind mean you have high standards? That rather implies that anyone who you don't connect with is a bit shit. If you don't connect with someone, doesn't that just mean exactly that - they're not for you, rather than failing some imaginary test?

Friday musings welcome!

Mrs TMN x

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I have pretty low standards and expectations of myself and I frequently fail to maintain them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I definitely don't think that having specific preferences, or knowing what you want = having high standards or being picky.

Its just that, you know what you want and what will and won't work for you, so why settle for anything else.

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

I think it’s a mix of both, I know what makes me tick and what turns me on, both intellectually and physically and I look at things in the opposite way. By that, I mean that because I know more about what I don’t want, I am choosy when I see or read something that fits into that category.

That’s not me judging the person on who they are, it’s simply knowing what arouses me and what doesn’t.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

I don’t have any nowadays

But then again during current climate I wouldn’t meet the queen yet alone anyone else

(Queen of Fab that is)

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I have stated that I'm a fussy cow in my profile, but it's in a tongue in cheek way. I just know what I like and don't like, and I won't compromise on that just for the sake of a shag, I'd rather have a wank.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think when someone describes themself as fussy or picky they are inferring they are more classy than everyone else. Everyone else on the same sex site that they are on....

Even the people who have 100's of verifications won't literally fuck anyone and everything.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Some people are lucky to find many people they like. Some can only find 1 or 2.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think when someone describes themself as fussy or picky they are inferring they are more classy than everyone else. Everyone else on the same sex site that they are on....

Even the people who have 100's of verifications won't literally fuck anyone and everything.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Some people are lucky to find many people they like. Some can only find 1 or 2. "

Pretty much

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I guess I'm old enough to know what I want and what I don't want, and I don't feel obliged to justify that to a random

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think being picky is a bad thing at all. What's wrong with knowing what you like? It seems to be a word thrown around by disgruntled people not getting their way and being turned down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

know what i like and what i dont & dont deviate from what i like for a quick shag.. i suppose that makes me picky

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea


"I think when someone describes themself as fussy or picky they are inferring they are more classy than everyone else. Everyone else on the same sex site that they are on....

Even the people who have 100's of verifications won't literally fuck anyone and everything.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Some people are lucky to find many people they like. Some can only find 1 or 2. "
This

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I definitely don't think that having specific preferences, or knowing what you want = having high standards or being picky.

Its just that, you know what you want and what will and won't work for you, so why settle for anything else. "

That's how I see it too x

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I think it’s a mix of both, I know what makes me tick and what turns me on, both intellectually and physically and I look at things in the opposite way. By that, I mean that because I know more about what I don’t want, I am choosy when I see or read something that fits into that category.

That’s not me judging the person on who they are, it’s simply knowing what arouses me and what doesn’t."

Yep - do you think using the language of "picky" or "choosy" can make people think you're judging them?

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I have stated that I'm a fussy cow in my profile, but it's in a tongue in cheek way. I just know what I like and don't like, and I won't compromise on that just for the sake of a shag, I'd rather have a wank. "

I totally get that. I don't think that's being a fussy cow, though

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By *oupleforxtrafunCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"I definitely don't think that having specific preferences, or knowing what you want = having high standards or being picky.

Its just that, you know what you want and what will and won't work for you, so why settle for anything else. "

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I think when someone describes themself as fussy or picky they are inferring they are more classy than everyone else. Everyone else on the same sex site that they are on....

Even the people who have 100's of verifications won't literally fuck anyone and everything.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Some people are lucky to find many people they like. Some can only find 1 or 2. "

Ah, interesting! I hadn't thought about it from that perspective. Do you think it goes deeper - into a need to reassure themselves that they aren't "slutty" or "dirty" because they're on fab?

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I don't think being picky is a bad thing at all. What's wrong with knowing what you like? It seems to be a word thrown around by disgruntled people not getting their way and being turned down. "

I've definitely seen that, yes. Do you think the very word picky has a negative connotation, though?

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By *P994Man
over a year ago

Travelling

It’s people’s own personal choice, this site can provide anyone but ladies especially with the men or women they want and who are very attractive people so have at it. If you don’t fit someone’s “picky” standards move on and you’ll find someone eventually

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


" know what i like and what i dont & dont deviate from what i like for a quick shag.. i suppose that makes me picky "

Why is that picky? Isn't that just being self-aware?

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I can make connections but if when we meet the chemistry is not there then friend zone will happen

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think framing can be spun in various ways, and it plays out in extremes here that it perhaps doesn't merit (fussy meaning both classy and up yourself, for example, or promiscuity being looked down upon on a swinging site). But it's the nature of people.

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"It’s people’s own personal choice, this site can provide anyone but ladies especially with the men or women they want and who are very attractive people so have at it. If you don’t fit someone’s “picky” standards move on and you’ll find someone eventually "

Interesting - do you think all "pickiness" is about society's standard of beauty? If, for example, I was only interested in overweight, hairy men, would that make me picky?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I definitely don't think that having specific preferences, or knowing what you want = having high standards or being picky.

Its just that, you know what you want and what will and won't work for you, so why settle for anything else. "

10000000000000%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not just fab it's the social media format generally.

Likes or dislikes, swipe lefts or rights, friend or unfriend, block or unblock, thumbs up or down ... they all give the illusion of power like some Roman Emperor deciding on the fate of some poor wretch down in the pit.

Whether you're approving or rejecting, or being approved or rejected, it's a malignant approach to social interaction with other human beings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think being picky is a bad thing at all. What's wrong with knowing what you like? It seems to be a word thrown around by disgruntled people not getting their way and being turned down. "
WELL SAID I AGREE TOTALLY!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fir me it is very simple ... If there is no connection it never moves from the friends zone

In my fab journey (1.5 years now) I've had only a handful of conversations that have that connection and have potential to progress to the dungeon /bedroom... when they slide into my DM i know instantly... Its like a spidey sense - hard to describe

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I think framing can be spun in various ways, and it plays out in extremes here that it perhaps doesn't merit (fussy meaning both classy and up yourself, for example, or promiscuity being looked down upon on a swinging site). But it's the nature of people. "

And that is why I find it so interesting - people fascinate me! That regular trope that people are surprised by other people on a "sex site" being judgemental, or having preferences... Initially, the judgement did surprise me - over time, I've come to see fab as being many different things to many different people.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I have stated that I'm a fussy cow in my profile, but it's in a tongue in cheek way. I just know what I like and don't like, and I won't compromise on that just for the sake of a shag, I'd rather have a wank.

I totally get that. I don't think that's being a fussy cow, though "

Nope...definitely tongue firmly in cheek because I have been called it many times - they've got nowhere to go with that insult if I'm already saying it about myself

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By *P994Man
over a year ago

Travelling


"It’s people’s own personal choice, this site can provide anyone but ladies especially with the men or women they want and who are very attractive people so have at it. If you don’t fit someone’s “picky” standards move on and you’ll find someone eventually

Interesting - do you think all "pickiness" is about society's standard of beauty? If, for example, I was only interested in overweight, hairy men, would that make me picky? "

Nah not at all personally, as people’s perception of beauty is very different. I think societal standards are changing a bit tbh anyway. Like the dad bod is now seen as sexy in the media and also the curvier lady is seen as a sex symbol now to where are prior to that the standard of beauty in media was a jacked guy and a more slight smaller lady. I think it’s what you like more so than being picky as we all want what we like whatever that is skinny, big, small tall, hairy, hair free etc

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"It's not just fab it's the social media format generally.

Likes or dislikes, swipe lefts or rights, friend or unfriend, block or unblock, thumbs up or down ... they all give the illusion of power like some Roman Emperor deciding on the fate of some poor wretch down in the pit.

Whether you're approving or rejecting, or being approved or rejected, it's a malignant approach to social interaction with other human beings.

"

See, that's not how I view my fab interactions at all. Other people may view me in that way - but that's up to them. It doesn't define my worth x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m fussy and to be honest I don’t really care what anyone thinks. If I wasn’t fussy I wouldn’t be me and I would be wayyy out my comfort zone. I am what I am, take it or leave it. I know what I like and what I don’t like. We all can’t be the same.

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Fir me it is very simple ... If there is no connection it never moves from the friends zone

In my fab journey (1.5 years now) I've had only a handful of conversations that have that connection and have potential to progress to the dungeon /bedroom... when they slide into my DM i know instantly... Its like a spidey sense - hard to describe"

I can identify! Connection is key. Not perceived notions of "standards". And don't get me started on "leagues"...

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I have stated that I'm a fussy cow in my profile, but it's in a tongue in cheek way. I just know what I like and don't like, and I won't compromise on that just for the sake of a shag, I'd rather have a wank.

I totally get that. I don't think that's being a fussy cow, though

Nope...definitely tongue firmly in cheek because I have been called it many times - they've got nowhere to go with that insult if I'm already saying it about myself "

Ah, the get it in first defence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fir me it is very simple ... If there is no connection it never moves from the friends zone

In my fab journey (1.5 years now) I've had only a handful of conversations that have that connection and have potential to progress to the dungeon /bedroom... when they slide into my DM i know instantly... Its like a spidey sense - hard to describe"

I can relate. I know exactly what you mean

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think framing can be spun in various ways, and it plays out in extremes here that it perhaps doesn't merit (fussy meaning both classy and up yourself, for example, or promiscuity being looked down upon on a swinging site). But it's the nature of people.

And that is why I find it so interesting - people fascinate me! That regular trope that people are surprised by other people on a "sex site" being judgemental, or having preferences... Initially, the judgement did surprise me - over time, I've come to see fab as being many different things to many different people. "

For sure. And we talk past each other with our different definitions, become entrenched.

I'm content with where I am, if people want to approach me and honestly being prepared to engage with who I am, I'll reciprocate.

If not, not. I'm simultaneously fussy and unrealistic about my hideousness because I won't go to 123 Example Street right now, but I also shag the whole site. Ok fine whatever, go have a strop elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fir me it is very simple ... If there is no connection it never moves from the friends zone

In my fab journey (1.5 years now) I've had only a handful of conversations that have that connection and have potential to progress to the dungeon /bedroom... when they slide into my DM i know instantly... Its like a spidey sense - hard to describe

I can identify! Connection is key. Not perceived notions of "standards". And don't get me started on "leagues"... "

I also specifically ask for no dic or face pics, so i can get to know the person first haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fir me it is very simple ... If there is no connection it never moves from the friends zone

In my fab journey (1.5 years now) I've had only a handful of conversations that have that connection and have potential to progress to the dungeon /bedroom... when they slide into my DM i know instantly... Its like a spidey sense - hard to describe

I can relate. I know exactly what you mean"

So exciting when it happens

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I’m fussy and to be honest I don’t really care what anyone thinks. If I wasn’t fussy I wouldn’t be me and I would be wayyy out my comfort zone. I am what I am, take it or leave it. I know what I like and what I don’t like. We all can’t be the same. "

Absolutely, there's a huge spectrum of sexual behaviour out there and I think knowing what you want is empowering. I don't think that makes you fussy - you just know your own mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say knowing what I want classes me as fussy. Yes I have standards but everyone does to some degree. It's about finding what works for you.

Most of the time I get complimented on the fact I know at I want and if people don't like it, meh! Just means we aren't compatible.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I know what I like and I like what I know..

And I love your new picture OP.

Jo.Xx

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire


"I have stated that I'm a fussy cow in my profile, but it's in a tongue in cheek way. I just know what I like and don't like, and I won't compromise on that just for the sake of a shag, I'd rather have a wank. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"See, that's not how I view my fab interactions at all. Other people may view me in that way - but that's up to them. It doesn't define my worth x"

That's good for you but unfortunately we're not all so resilient!

I like your post btw it's very thoughtful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think when someone describes themself as fussy or picky they are inferring they are more classy than everyone else. Everyone else on the same sex site that they are on....

Even the people who have 100's of verifications won't literally fuck anyone and everything.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Some people are lucky to find many people they like. Some can only find 1 or 2.

Ah, interesting! I hadn't thought about it from that perspective. Do you think it goes deeper - into a need to reassure themselves that they aren't "slutty" or "dirty" because they're on fab? "

Yes I think it does. They are trying to elevate themself against all the filthy people fucking around.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"And I love your new picture OP.

Jo.Xx "

Seconded. It's absolutely beautiful.

I do think fussy can be used as "well I'm better than, I wouldn't meet anyone" line of thinking but really, attraction is so subjective. Some of the people who proclaim high standards - I'll take a peep and think... really? Sometimes people use it to mean they have a particular body type they find attractive. At the same time it can be used to cast aspersions about someone thinking they are better than others so it's a double edged sword really.

I think everyone likes/finds particular things attractive and there are very few who'd go for anyone for a quick fuck when it comes down to it. I guess it's about how people want to market themselves, the image they are trying to depict.

I don't think I'm fussy. I'd like to think I have "high standards" but again, what are they really? I don't expect everyone to have postgrad qualifications that I meet, nor do I expect them to be fitness models. A good level of hygiene, interesting chat... the latter is subjective though and is as much about me and my interactions as that person.

I'm not really one for self proclaimed labels on the whole.

Tl;dr

Sometimes it can be seen as wanky, sometimes it is used wankily. Attraction is subjective - what's one person's idea of fussy is rarely another's.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I wouldn't say I'm fussy, but i that doesn't mean I'll meet anyone - there still has to be a connection.

I still have to like them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s people’s own personal choice, this site can provide anyone but ladies especially with the men or women they want and who are very attractive people so have at it. If you don’t fit someone’s “picky” standards move on and you’ll find someone eventually

Interesting - do you think all "pickiness" is about society's standard of beauty? If, for example, I was only interested in overweight, hairy men, would that make me picky? "

No then you'd be called desperate.

It's still attraction but other people would make it seem something crap.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It’s people’s own personal choice, this site can provide anyone but ladies especially with the men or women they want and who are very attractive people so have at it. If you don’t fit someone’s “picky” standards move on and you’ll find someone eventually

Interesting - do you think all "pickiness" is about society's standard of beauty? If, for example, I was only interested in overweight, hairy men, would that make me picky?

No then you'd be called desperate.

It's still attraction but other people would make it seem something crap. "

People like what they like. Other people try to turn that into something bad because they can't handle their own feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tl;dr

Sometimes it can be seen as wanky, sometimes it is used wankily. Attraction is subjective - what's one person's idea of fussy is rarely another's."

It's tricky. I know what I like and what I am looking for but I wouldn't truly know if I had 'found it' with someone unless we actually met.

There might be a 'connection' through messaging but if we met and there was some disconnect in the sex or how we got on then the attraction would lesson.

I do find it funny though when you read a profile with a 'shopping list' of attributes and do sometimes wonder if someone is making it more difficult to meet on purpose.

For me it's less about physical attributes and more about personality and someone who's not looking for a 'wham bam' sexual encounter.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think on here "fussy", "picky" and "having high standards" are used as both attack and defence - in attack they're used as an insult, usually to justify the insulters lack of "success" with an approach to another - in defence they're used (usually in vain) to ward off potential attackers or unwelcome interest.

Personally I don't see knowing your own mind and preferences as being any of those things - it is simply knowing your own mind and preferences. As Meli said attraction is completely subjective and not something we can always explain to ourselves, let alone others (not that we should have to) - sometimes attraction "just is".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me ,it just means I know exactly what/who I'm looking for,not fussy or have high standards,just preferences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s usually a female profile and that’s because they have so many to choose from so they can, plus they don’t have a dick

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'll neber understand how people can class choosing to do something (or someone) who's right for you is being fussy.

Are you fussy when crossing the road because you look both ways? Nah, you're being sensible and keeping yourself safe.

It all comes down to what you want from a meet I guess.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'll neber understand how people can class choosing to do something (or someone) who's right for you is being fussy.

Are you fussy when crossing the road because you look both ways? Nah, you're being sensible and keeping yourself safe.

It all comes down to what you want from a meet I guess."

Stick in the mud rules follower

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m fussy and to be honest I don’t really care what anyone thinks. If I wasn’t fussy I wouldn’t be me and I would be wayyy out my comfort zone. I am what I am, take it or leave it. I know what I like and what I don’t like. We all can’t be the same.

Absolutely, there's a huge spectrum of sexual behaviour out there and I think knowing what you want is empowering. I don't think that makes you fussy - you just know your own mind "
indeed. Thanks

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'll neber understand how people can class choosing to do something (or someone) who's right for you is being fussy.

Are you fussy when crossing the road because you look both ways? Nah, you're being sensible and keeping yourself safe.

It all comes down to what you want from a meet I guess.

Stick in the mud rules follower "

I know!

Must be my age or the way I was dragged up or some shit.

I never realised I was so sensible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll neber understand how people can class choosing to do something (or someone) who's right for you is being fussy.

Are you fussy when crossing the road because you look both ways? Nah, you're being sensible and keeping yourself safe.

It all comes down to what you want from a meet I guess."
looool

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

I just see it as preferences and we are all attracted to different people in different ways.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'll neber understand how people can class choosing to do something (or someone) who's right for you is being fussy.

Are you fussy when crossing the road because you look both ways? Nah, you're being sensible and keeping yourself safe.

It all comes down to what you want from a meet I guess.

Stick in the mud rules follower

I know!

Must be my age or the way I was dragged up or some shit.

I never realised I was so sensible "

You don't want to be run over? Where's your sense of adventure woman. Shocking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's something that doesn't really need to be said...it makes folks sound a bit uppity

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think it's something that doesn't really need to be said...it makes folks sound a bit uppity "

It is one of those things that can land wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm. The connotations I read are people who say they are (or act) fussy and picky have very specific requirements (and these are not necessarily obvious to everyone else.

Claiming to have high standards denotes someone who is judgemental. That's ok, no matter how hard we try we all are to one degree or another - what concerns me is when a profile suggests that this is coupled with a belief that anyone not meeting their 'standards' is inferior or less than in some way.

Interesting thread, we rarely think about our choice of words but they often convey a lot more than their face value.

Mr

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I know what I like and I like what I know..

And I love your new picture OP.

Jo.Xx "

Thank you, lovely!

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"And I love your new picture OP.

Jo.Xx

Seconded. It's absolutely beautiful.

I do think fussy can be used as "well I'm better than, I wouldn't meet anyone" line of thinking but really, attraction is so subjective. Some of the people who proclaim high standards - I'll take a peep and think... really? Sometimes people use it to mean they have a particular body type they find attractive. At the same time it can be used to cast aspersions about someone thinking they are better than others so it's a double edged sword really.

I think everyone likes/finds particular things attractive and there are very few who'd go for anyone for a quick fuck when it comes down to it. I guess it's about how people want to market themselves, the image they are trying to depict.

I don't think I'm fussy. I'd like to think I have "high standards" but again, what are they really? I don't expect everyone to have postgrad qualifications that I meet, nor do I expect them to be fitness models. A good level of hygiene, interesting chat... the latter is subjective though and is as much about me and my interactions as that person.

I'm not really one for self proclaimed labels on the whole.

Tl;dr

Sometimes it can be seen as wanky, sometimes it is used wankily. Attraction is subjective - what's one person's idea of fussy is rarely another's."

Tl;dr

Meli articulates my thoughts better than I can, as per

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"For me ,it just means I know exactly what/who I'm looking for,not fussy or have high standards,just preferences"

Sounds like the view I'm coming to

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"That’s usually a female profile and that’s because they have so many to choose from so they can, plus they don’t have a dick "

So if the gender balance was equal, do you think women would change their preferences?

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I'll neber understand how people can class choosing to do something (or someone) who's right for you is being fussy.

Are you fussy when crossing the road because you look both ways? Nah, you're being sensible and keeping yourself safe.

It all comes down to what you want from a meet I guess."

Me, top of the list is not getting splatted all over the tarmac.

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Hmmm. The connotations I read are people who say they are (or act) fussy and picky have very specific requirements (and these are not necessarily obvious to everyone else.

Claiming to have high standards denotes someone who is judgemental. That's ok, no matter how hard we try we all are to one degree or another - what concerns me is when a profile suggests that this is coupled with a belief that anyone not meeting their 'standards' is inferior or less than in some way.

Interesting thread, we rarely think about our choice of words but they often convey a lot more than their face value.

Mr"

Thank you! I do think a lot about people's words. Particularly in a totally text based medium like the fora. Probably too much sometimes, but I find people really interesting!

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I definitely don't think that having specific preferences, or knowing what you want = having high standards or being picky.

Its just that, you know what you want and what will and won't work for you, so why settle for anything else. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll neber understand how people can class choosing to do something (or someone) who's right for you is being fussy.

Are you fussy when crossing the road because you look both ways? Nah, you're being sensible and keeping yourself safe.

It all comes down to what you want from a meet I guess.

Me, top of the list is not getting splatted all over the tarmac. "

I hate meets like that.

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington


"I think it’s a mix of both, I know what makes me tick and what turns me on, both intellectually and physically and I look at things in the opposite way. By that, I mean that because I know more about what I don’t want, I am choosy when I see or read something that fits into that category.

That’s not me judging the person on who they are, it’s simply knowing what arouses me and what doesn’t.

Yep - do you think using the language of "picky" or "choosy" can make people think you're judging them? "

Yes I do, any kind of preference on here seems to make people think they are being judged. But if the aim is have sex with someone, and it’s an online platform, we are all being judged on the first impressions we give and it very easy for anybody to “no thanks, next!” - we all need thick skins and some of us grasped that already.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I don’t think it’s anything to do with standards whatsoever. I know what I want and I’m honest about it. I won’t budge on what I’m looking for. I never try and change people I wouldn’t want that. If we’re not compatible we’re not compatible. Nothing to do with standards x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having standards and preferences is healthy.

Aside from attraction though, I think some people forget, that they should bring something to the table of a relationship other than a long list of their requirements ?

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By *ic_khan2341Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"Musing away about how we frame things.

Often I'll see people describe themselves as being fussy, picky, or having high standards. I also see fussy and picky being thrown at people - particularly women - in a derogatory way, usually alongside a claim that they couldn't be like that in the "real world".

Is knowing your own mind about who you want to do the horizontal tango with really being fussy, or picky? Or is it just knowing what's going to work for you?

Likewise, does knowing your own mind mean you have high standards? That rather implies that anyone who you don't connect with is a bit shit. If you don't connect with someone, doesn't that just mean exactly that - they're not for you, rather than failing some imaginary test?

Friday musings welcome!

Mrs TMN x"

I suppose you could say it means they know what they are looking for

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"No. I don’t think it’s anything to do with standards whatsoever. I know what I want and I’m honest about it. I won’t budge on what I’m looking for. I never try and change people I wouldn’t want that. If we’re not compatible we’re not compatible. Nothing to do with standards x "

I agree, I don't think framing it as "standards" is helpful. It brings a whiff of negative judgement. Of course, that may be what some people are aiming for!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No. I don’t think it’s anything to do with standards whatsoever. I know what I want and I’m honest about it. I won’t budge on what I’m looking for. I never try and change people I wouldn’t want that. If we’re not compatible we’re not compatible. Nothing to do with standards x

I agree, I don't think framing it as "standards" is helpful. It brings a whiff of negative judgement. Of course, that may be what some people are aiming for! "

True! x

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


" Having standards and preferences is healthy.

Aside from attraction though, I think some people forget, that they should bring something to the table of a relationship other than a long list of their requirements ?"

Although I personally don't enjoy a long list of requirements on people's profiles - why should they bring anything else? If that's how they want to run their profile and it works for them? You can just pass them by

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m picky. If I wasn’t I could be having sex constantly. I know exactly what I want. And won’t change just because someone appears nice. I would rather meet picky guys than someone that just wants to get their dick wet too.

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Musing away about how we frame things.

Often I'll see people describe themselves as being fussy, picky, or having high standards. I also see fussy and picky being thrown at people - particularly women - in a derogatory way, usually alongside a claim that they couldn't be like that in the "real world".

Is knowing your own mind about who you want to do the horizontal tango with really being fussy, or picky? Or is it just knowing what's going to work for you?

Likewise, does knowing your own mind mean you have high standards? That rather implies that anyone who you don't connect with is a bit shit. If you don't connect with someone, doesn't that just mean exactly that - they're not for you, rather than failing some imaginary test?

Friday musings welcome!

Mrs TMN x

I suppose you could say it means they know what they are looking for"

Absolutely, and that's always a good thing, to my mind. I was more thinking about the language we use around communicating that

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I’m picky. If I wasn’t I could be having sex constantly. I know exactly what I want. And won’t change just because someone appears nice. I would rather meet picky guys than someone that just wants to get their dick wet too. "

Absolutely, I'm with you - knowing what works for you is great Do you find referring to yourself as picky gets a negative reaction?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m picky. If I wasn’t I could be having sex constantly. I know exactly what I want. And won’t change just because someone appears nice. I would rather meet picky guys than someone that just wants to get their dick wet too.

Absolutely, I'm with you - knowing what works for you is great Do you find referring to yourself as picky gets a negative reaction? "

Only to the thirsty guys that are not picky so that’s fine with me

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I’m picky. If I wasn’t I could be having sex constantly. I know exactly what I want. And won’t change just because someone appears nice. I would rather meet picky guys than someone that just wants to get their dick wet too.

Absolutely, I'm with you - knowing what works for you is great Do you find referring to yourself as picky gets a negative reaction?

Only to the thirsty guys that are not picky so that’s fine with me "

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

High standards is a subjective term open to interpretation. I prefer the term selective myself.

You select people based on pre established criteria you've set for yourself.

Some will make the grade. Others won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Having standards and preferences is healthy.

Aside from attraction though, I think some people forget, that they should bring something to the table of a relationship other than a long list of their requirements ?"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If you have a range that's extremely narrow, with a likely match of 1 person worldwide, it's possibly unrealistic, for a fumble.

Most of us have ranges, sometimes compromising on some things, such as making do with poorer arms than we'd like for a better level of cock, tits, smile etc. What few will often do is meet when nothing correlates with your preferences.

Eventually some AI will assess people for you, computing the match fit level, before permitting a FAF message

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