FabSwingers.com forum: Make a shit excuse...

By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it....

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I’ve misplaced my face mask

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been quarantined for two weeks

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

My cat is getting married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My clippers have just broke and I have only shaved half of my pubes....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't be arsed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've banged my head, have short term memory loss and can't remember how to fasten my shoe laces.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big Bang Theory has just started.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't be arsed."

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry my wife came home unexpected

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hemorrhoids just flared up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Big Bang Theory has just started."

Oh bernie......

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"I can't be arsed."

That’s not a lie tho is it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't be arsed.

That’s not a lie tho is it

I'm rubbish at lying

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By *heslimoneMan
over a year ago

Deeside

A cat turned up at the front door with a litter of hungry kittens so had to rush out and buy enough food and a comfy blanket for them so sadly i have to feed another pussy tonight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I accidentally stepped in dog shit while barefoot in the park earlier and now my leg has to be amputated.

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By *heslimoneMan
over a year ago

Deeside

"I've banged my head, have short term memory loss and can't remember how to fasten my shoe laces. "

You only just learned to tie them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Big Bang Theory has just started.

Oh bernie......"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/09/20 15:03:18]

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Petrol cap won’t come off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 26/09/20 15:03:18]"
m

Didn’t mean to remove that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Washing my hair..

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

It’s that cold my nipple fell off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the wheels fell off my car

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s that cold my nipple fell off "

...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've banged my head, have short term memory loss and can't remember how to fasten my shoe laces.

You only just learned to tie them?"

No I'm lying. I have velcro fasteners...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trapped my penis in the kitchen draw.... in A&E it looks like gonzo's nose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband got his cock caught in his zip.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I broke a nail

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While playing hungry hungry hippos earlier a marble flew out and popped my eyeball out of the socket.

Sorry if you think I’m looking down on you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My bath is leaking, so I can’t leave the house until a plumber comes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My bath is leaking, so I can’t leave the house until a plumber comes!

Sounds like a dodgy porno

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

You’re wearing the same outfit as me

Actually it wouldn’t bother me ...but for the thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Mum said I'm not allowed out

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

I snapped the key off in the front door trying to unlock it, so I tried to climb out the lounge window, but I'd popped a couple of viagra earlier and my erection acted like an anchor and I got stuck, I tried crawling backwards but got caught on the window catch, it tore through my trousers and my ballbag, Its quite a nasty rip, I know this because as I've had as vasectomy one of my balls is now sat on the windowsill. Fortunately my elderly neighbour heard my scream and she came out to see what had happened, along with her friends from church, she's rang for an ambulance & the fire brigade, the police arrived a few minutes ago and I heard them say something about where the air ambulance could land, so they seem to have everything under control. But I am rather worried about next doors cat as its laid on the lawn while looking at my bollock on windowsill, I think its going to pounce. I'll call you later if that's ok? A TV crew have just turned up and want an interview.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m ironing my socks in my marigolds tonight,sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been called in for an emergency plumbing job on someone's bath.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I've been called in for an emergency plumbing job on someone's bath."

Well that won't be dry

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

My halitosis is playing up

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I'm polishing my dressing table

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By *LFB.Woman
over a year ago

Farnborough.

Sorry, shaving my toes lol

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

I suffer from premature ejaculation and I can't stop thinking of your pert breasts, gorgeous lips, smooth pussy and ohhhhh ffs I've cum, no need to see you now

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I’ve got a spot on me bum

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Aliens abducted me....

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By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery

I tripped and fell on a passing penis sorry

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Diarrhea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My leg has suddenly fell off !?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So all the shops are out of super dong XXXL condoms, and I'm keen on safety first, so maybe next week?"

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By *eeky goodnessMan
over a year ago

Worcester

In the 2 hours before we meet I was taken into space by Yondu Udonta and his band of ravagers.....can we rearrange a time?

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"In the 2 hours before we meet I was taken into space by Yondu Udonta and his band of ravagers.....can we rearrange a time?

Least you still got to get your bum probed lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was speeding my way to yours and got pulled over by the police was asked to step out the car by what I have to say was an attractive wpc anyway I had popped a viagra before leaving and the effect was showing which she noticed needless to say ive just been frisked by the filth

and she's absolutely worn me out can we reschedule for next week

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By *eeky goodnessMan
over a year ago

Worcester

"In the 2 hours before we meet I was taken into space by Yondu Udonta and his band of ravagers.....can we rearrange a time?

Least you still got to get your bum probed lol"

I knew I should have gone with left on Mars....still could have been a cool space pirate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought you were a woman

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

I have thrush

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By *r Rubba LoverMan
over a year ago

Bristol

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

I've snapped my front door key off in the lock and am waiting for a locksmith to come....left my car keys in the bloody house! Otherwise the front door could wait!

Any good?

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

My Mum’s grounded me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

can't answer that as it would most definitely never happen

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

I’m waiting for the paint to dry on my toilet door

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I swallowed a moth and unless they switch the street lamps off down your road I am never going to make it

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

I ate a burrito and now my pants don’t fit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need to change the loo roll

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By *ewey613Man
over a year ago

ottawa

I spent all day looking at your pictures, and now I’m too chafed to move

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just cut my tongue on paper. I was licking.. A sorry can't meet envelope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have shit my pants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m washing my hair

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By *ememberTheNameMan
over a year ago

barnsley

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

I can’t fine my trousers and the washers broke all my others are in the laundry basket sorry

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By *eeky goodnessMan
over a year ago

Worcester

I was painting the floor...i started by the door and worked my way back and now I’m trapped in a corner

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By *oreno0969Man
over a year ago

Rugby

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

Im a C**t

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I am stuck in an online shop because of a fire alarm.

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By *uriouscouple83Couple
over a year ago

Worcester

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

I need to wax my surfboard

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Explosive diarrhoea - eat a dodgy Dopiza last night!

Run to the bathroom and get them to call you... Make shitting noises and pour a cup of water fast down the loo as fast as you can.

Nobody want's to shoot shit with you!!!!

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I've just caught agoraphobia

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the pictures I sent were of someone else, I never thought I’d get this far and so to make myself look like that I booked in for a hair transplant and a face lift, they cancelled the appointment so I still look nothing like my photos, bottom line I’m re-booked for next week so can you meet then?

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I’m constipated and soooo close to it all exploding out so best to give tonight a miss on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just made a cuppa tea and I can’t find the custard creams ......... I’m devastated and not in the mood now

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By *redjMan
over a year ago

gloucestershire

You’ll never believe this but there is this deadly virus going around that is so deadly that the whole world will soon be subject to travel restrictions and some areas will be in lockdown, they’re calling it covid-19 and it’s from someone eating bats apparantly

it’s spreading like mad and the figures they are reporting are staggering although no one seems to have it, I’m not taking any chances so can we reschedule till after it’s been eradicated or boris says I’m allowed to go on a date haha now make that shit up !! Lol

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By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester

"All the pictures I sent were of someone else, I never thought I’d get this far and so to make myself look like that I booked in for a hair transplant and a face lift, they cancelled the appointment so I still look nothing like my photos, bottom line I’m re-booked for next week so can you meet then?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My fridge is having a baby to my washing machine

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

I've snapped my fremulum thinking of you while having a sneaky pre meet stroke.

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By *ass and kinkWoman
over a year ago

kinxville

"Trapped my penis in the kitchen draw.... in A&E it looks like gonzo's nose

Oh my god that made laugh

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By *assing Fancies xCouple
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest

My heads fell off

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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

Can’t find my mask

I wonder how many of these excuses people actually used

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Tell them you are a farmer and helping your prize bull to inseminate some cows....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son just turned up so it's a no lol

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

The pub is gonna be closed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mother has broken her arm

I forgot.

I went to a neighbours bbq, got trashed, and overslept.

I've woken up with a headache.

I forgot we had made plans.

I got a better offer ( more than once)

Ive got to go see my solicitor.

The woman i shagged last night, is still here.

I told you I was working that week ( erm no, you actually told me we were going to the seaside)

I went to a party. Soz

After a while, the disrespect just aint funny anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I forgot how to drive.

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By *orace99Man
over a year ago

York

Shrek is making me clean the swamp.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I lost my ink.

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By *irkby coupleCouple
over a year ago

Kirkby

I can only find 1 clean sock.

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By *eeky goodnessMan
over a year ago

Worcester

The wind was against me....etc....accept more convincingly

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I've come on

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By *redjMan
over a year ago

gloucestershire

"I've come on

I’ve had that one lol

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm a snowflake. I melted.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I've come on

I’ve had that one lol "

I came on, on the morning of a meet. Our meeting was planned well in advance. I would have hated for him to have disbelieved me. We met a week later...so all's well that ends well.

Sometimes these things can be unpredictable!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My son just turned up so it's a no lol

Hay you used that one with me but it was your daughter. He he he

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

The TV’s glitched & looping Mrs Browns Boys Xmas specials & I can only find the remote if I open my eyes which I can’t bring myself to do in case it burns my eyeballs out. Hoping H will hurry up out the bath because she’s immune to being that she too is shit at telling jokes but she’s only just gone so I’m stuck here.

How about a rain check?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just had a wank and I don't need you now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My son just turned up so it's a no lol

Hay you used that one with me but it was your daughter. He he he"

Nope

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I've just had a wank and I don't need you now."

Oooo that one would be really harsh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've just had a wank and I don't need you now.

Oooo that one would be really harsh!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sharted on route,sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m constipated and soooo close to it all exploding out so best to give tonight a miss on

You are so full of shit

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By *J GeminiTV/TS
over a year ago

Northumberland

I'm playing tiddlewinks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My son just turned up so it's a no lol

Hay you used that one with me but it was your daughter. He he he

Nope "

Yep. He he he. Its ok thow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dog needs a walk. He he he

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By *he Yorkshire StripperMan
over a year ago

Laceby

My dog ate my condoms

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

My STI check just came back. I have the clap. You still on for tonight?

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"My STI check just came back. I have the clap. You still on for tonight?"

I've got something..could be anything tbh....but yes game on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’re meant to be meeting me in two hours. You can’t be arsed to come.

Think of your worst excuse and roll with it.... "

Why would anyone make a crap excuse with you?? Are they crazy..?

But in the spirit of the post... mine would be.. my cat just wee'd all over my bank card and the chip no longer works..

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live

I have lost my tortoise and need to dig my garden up

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live

My first choice just said they're in the way so I don't need you..

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Sorry, I'm double booked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My first choice just said they're in the way so I don't need you.."

Enigmatic Angel has said she wants to meet for a coffee.. sorry..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got distracted by a cute doggy and had to play fetch with it

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I’m constipated and soooo close to it all exploding out so best to give tonight a miss on

You are so full of shit"

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By *ushy 99Man
over a year ago

somewhere nearby

I ran over my neighbours goldfish

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My virtue signal broke and I got lost

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

So sorry but had a better offer

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