FabSwingers.com forum: Mental health

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We all know that sometimes you can be on top of the world and then sometimes you can feel not on top of the world everyone deals with mental health and different ways but if you are struggling remember to talk don't have those nasty thoughts in your head

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/09/20 02:04:21]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/09/20 02:06:00]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by Earlydoors in the early hours at 26/09/20 02:06:00]"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you OP.

Its good to talk and remember that we matter.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s good to talk and to listen

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But who listens when your usually the listener?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?"

No-one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estofbothCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Good post op. It’s especially important to be mindful of mental health at the moment. And good that guys can actually be open about it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one."

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?"

Don't need anyone to listen, I just push those thoughts deep deep down, and if ever they resurface, just squish them down again. All good

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them."

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one."

Yup...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

I'm sending hugs to you as I know how this feels x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

I'm sending hugs to you as I know how this feels x

Right back at you beautiful lady

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

I'm sending hugs to you as I know how this feels x

Male of the couple here.

Had mental health issues for over 10 years, had a complete breakdown.

Unfortunately because people aren’t educated to understand it, people run and bury their heads in the sand hoping it will go away, had plenty of those “friends”. But also had the good friends who embrace it and are prepared to walk the same path as you. They probably don’t fully get it, but they’ll never leave your side. We all have at least that one person who will do that and listen.

For those that don’t get mental health, we don’t want sympathy, we just want a listener, someone who doesn’t try to give you the answers, as there isn’t any, someone who will just say “I’m here for you”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

I'm sending hugs to you as I know how this feels x

Male of the couple here.

Had mental health issues for over 10 years, had a complete breakdown.

Hugs to you too and I'm glad you have people around you that listen.

What I was trying to say is the listener needs to be thought of too.

Unless you pay a professional which is probably the best option.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

I'm sending hugs to you as I know how this feels x

Male of the couple here.

Had mental health issues for over 10 years, had a complete breakdown.

I was a listener for over 10 years. I got daily abuse and sometimes death threats. I had to walk away.

He sank further for a couple of years but thankfully being alone made him fight and he recovered.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffer with PTSD, depression and anxiety but know how to deal with it and what my triggers are.

If anyone, and I mean anyone, ever needs someone just to listen, not give advice or anything, my inbox is open to you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

You are exactly right, self care when you are caring for someone with physical or mental health issues is imperative. Sometimes we get so caught up in caring we forget about ourselves.

My ex had mental health issues and my eldest now suffers from anxiety but he is excellent at fighting it so all credit to him. He battles it through exercise and speaking to friends/family. Through lockdown with my 3 kids it was tough at times so last week I took myself off for a few days to recharge my batteries and it was great.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have always said that sometimes when you see people uploading pictures of themselves being happy and smiling you don't actually know what's going on behind closed doors. A lot of people know that I have suffered with mental health issues over a number of years and still to this day I'm not 100% happy as people can tell with me always putting down a mental health post or a depression post

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

You are exactly right, self care when you are caring for someone with physical or mental health issues is imperative. Sometimes we get so caught up in caring we forget about ourselves.

You are so right about forgetting about yourself, you don't think until you hit an emotional crash.

You are amazing! And your family are extremely lucky, hats off to your boy, sounds like he will be just fine, but then he has you behind him

My youngest suffered in his first year of Uni, he lost both grandparents within 6 months apart and he had just started there, total breakdown. No surprise he failed his first year exams

We got support and our GP and the University was incredible. He went on to complete his degree and now working his dream job in the industry he studied for.

This is where I was grateful for my first hand knowledge because I knew exactly what was needed.

We are Momma bears aren't we and will fight for our babies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

Been struggling since 2012. Nearly got out of the bottom of the bucket, and this bushit covid messed it all up back to square one. 2020 has not been a good year for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them."

Indeed. I've had to open up about things recently, but it's not been that easy because I always think talking about yourself is self indulgent, and I also have a long held belief that a friend in need us a pain in the arse

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Sorry, I didn't mean to kill this thread, or sound like I was belittling or undermining the OP's original point.

I realise that it can be hard to cope with someone suffering, but equally it can be hard as the one suffering to actually open up in the first place

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to be honest i don't understand the negatively on this thread.

Yes it can be hard to support someone with mental health conditions and the person giving support needs support too.

But some of these comments would now make me think twice about talking to anyone if I felt mentally unwell.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry, I didn't mean to kill this thread, or sound like I was belittling or undermining the OP's original point.

I realise that it can be hard to cope with someone suffering, but equally it can be hard as the one suffering to actually open up in the first place

You didn't at all I totally understand where you are coming from.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

There is always someone who will listen as a self confessed bottler it’s extremely important to talk and if you can’t talk write it all down and read it back to yourself you will usually come to the realisation that it’s not that big a deal

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?"
yes thats true.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?yes thats true."

The are always people to listen.

Not always a friend or family I agree but the GP or career support services, helplines ect.

I hope nobody feels they generally dont have anyone to listen to them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who been to the very bottom of that dark pit, I can testify there IS always someone who’ll listen, and often that’s all it takes.

I used to bottle, and think I had to sort everything by myself.

I can’t describe the relief when you finally unload and realise you’re not alone and help is there.

Reach out and accept the help and understanding that is there, just don’t be too afraid/stubborn/proud to ask.

You’ll be so glad you did.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to be honest i don't understand the negatively on this thread.

Yes it can be hard to support someone with mental health conditions and the person giving support needs support too.

But some of these comments would now make me think twice about talking to anyone if I felt mentally unwell. "

Which comments?

Seems a positive thread to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to be honest i don't understand the negatively on this thread.

Yes it can be hard to support someone with mental health conditions and the person giving support needs support too.

But some of these comments would now make me think twice about talking to anyone if I felt mentally unwell.

Which comments?

Seems a positive thread to me. "

On a thread where the OP is promoting people talk and others have said how draining it is to be the listener.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to be honest i don't understand the negatively on this thread.

Yes it can be hard to support someone with mental health conditions and the person giving support needs support too.

But some of these comments would now make me think twice about talking to anyone if I felt mentally unwell.

Which comments?

Seems a positive thread to me.

On a thread where the OP is promoting people talk and others have said how draining it is to be the listener. "

I'll shut up then.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to be honest i don't understand the negatively on this thread.

Yes it can be hard to support someone with mental health conditions and the person giving support needs support too.

But some of these comments would now make me think twice about talking to anyone if I felt mentally unwell.

Which comments?

Seems a positive thread to me.

On a thread where the OP is promoting people talk and others have said how draining it is to be the listener.

I'll shut up then."

I didn't say that.

Please don't turn this into something it isn't.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

I have a friend who I worry about very much. I used to spend a lot of time trying to obtain support for him as he had nobody else. It was exhausting and as he was also a work friend it took its toll on me and my work.

In the end he had to be moved out into another roll and the weight I felt I on my shoulders dropped off. I was able to support from afar then.

He’s not doing great at the moment and it’s a big worry. He’s had a huge amount of support from many different agencies.

I can see people’s points about how exhausting it is trying to be there for someone. People need to look after themselves as well that’s very important.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"I have to be honest i don't understand the negatively on this thread.

Yes it can be hard to support someone with mental health conditions and the person giving support needs support too.

But some of these comments would now make me think twice about talking to anyone if I felt mentally unwell.

Which comments?

Seems a positive thread to me.

On a thread where the OP is promoting people talk and others have said how draining it is to be the listener.

I'll shut up then.

I didn't say that.

Please don't turn this into something it isn't. "

I think what people are saying is that listeners also need support sometimes due to the caring role they take on but absolutely anyone with mental Health issues should find someone they can talk to - friend or professional

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

You are exactly right, self care when you are caring for someone with physical or mental health issues is imperative. Sometimes we get so caught up in caring we forget about ourselves.

You are so right about forgetting about yourself, you don't think until you hit an emotional crash.

You are amazing! And your family are extremely lucky, hats off to your boy, sounds like he will be just fine, but then he has you behind him

My youngest suffered in his first year of Uni, he lost both grandparents within 6 months apart and he had just started there, total breakdown. No surprise he failed his first year exams

We got support and our GP and the University was incredible. He went on to complete his degree and now working his dream job in the industry he studied for.

This is where I was grateful for my first hand knowledge because I knew exactly what was needed.

We are Momma bears aren't we and will fight for our babies"

Unfortunately knowing what to ask for helps get the right support at times which doesn’t help people who don’t know what to ask for.

When my youngest was 9/10 he was going through a tough time with my ex who probably has narcissistic personality disorder. I didn’t want my youngest to have issues like my eldest so went to GP and told him to look at my ex and my eldests mental health records and then find help to prevent my youngest having issues and the GP referred my son who has come through things really well - do you are right about us mama bears

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to be honest i don't understand the negatively on this thread.

Yes it can be hard to support someone with mental health conditions and the person giving support needs support too.

But some of these comments would now make me think twice about talking to anyone if I felt mentally unwell.

Which comments?

Seems a positive thread to me.

On a thread where the OP is promoting people talk and others have said how draining it is to be the listener.

I'll shut up then."

Please don't, your contribution to the thread are just as valid as everyone elses.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mental health had been up and down a bit recently. Not doing too bad at the mo though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True friends of those affected, should celebrate your successes and be there to talk about your bad times.

Most people who are affected by mental health disorders dont always ask for the solution. Merely a chance to express how they actually feel. That is sometimes enough.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But who listens when your usually the listener?"

I would

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

No-one.

Exactly

I've had to cut people out of my life because it was all about them.

I understand that it must be truly terrible to have mental health issues- but it's also exhausting for the people around them.

This absolutely

I live with someone who is diagnosed bi polar, it is exhausting, being a constant support and everyone asks about them. You feel invisible because nobody thinks about your needs or checks in.

Lets just be kind to everyone

Who ever asks How are you coping with your Partners .....

Mental Health

Health issues

Lack of sexual interest

....

You are left alone sometimes.

Just like Single mums have to do the whole lot on their own. Sorry I add this to my rant but I do appreciate being a bloke. I feel women forget the rough end of the stick.

My hugs go to the posters who are ignored and need support themselves for their care of their partner's issues.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

I would"

Not many would. Great you do. Well done. Need more folks. This is a real issue and need. I have one great BFF who does for me and I help her back. Two way street.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"My mental health had been up and down a bit recently. Not doing too bad at the mo though"

Whatever are the things, routine or ways that keep it good keep at them and stay away from those things or people that reverse this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"But who listens when your usually the listener?

Don't need anyone to listen, I just push those thoughts deep deep down, and if ever they resurface, just squish them down again. All good

Dude they come back. OK may come back. With a vengeance.

Create good positive feedback loops and a go to person and/or routines to get you back on top when the bad thoughts come back.

Stay with it. Please.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"As someone who been to the very bottom of that dark pit, I can testify there IS always someone who’ll listen, and often that’s all it takes.

I used to bottle, and think I had to sort everything by myself.

I can’t describe the relief when you finally unload and realise you’re not alone and help is there.

Reach out and accept the help and understanding that is there, just don’t be too afraid/stubborn/proud to ask.

You’ll be so glad you did."

This. Good post.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread