FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Self destructive streak

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jump on your bike and go.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't know.... i think I am on the same trajectory xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Find a way to use that energy on something useful.

Take the destructive element and do something harmless with it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Jump on your bike and go."

I should add that I sprained my ankle on Sunday.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I definitely do. And stupidly I know I do but I can't seem to put the brakes on.

I'm feeling your pain Testarossa. Sending hugs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again? "

Don't we all have one to some degree?

I try to distract myself with other things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My friends are pretty good at snapping me out of it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I definitely do. And stupidly I know I do but I can't seem to put the brakes on.

I'm feeling your pain Testarossa. Sending hugs. "

Sending hugs back to you NSP xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I definitely do. And stupidly I know I do but I can't seem to put the brakes on.

I'm feeling your pain Testarossa. Sending hugs.

Sending hugs back to you NSP xx"

Gratefully received

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

Don't we all have one to some degree?

I try to distract myself with other things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My friends are pretty good at snapping me out of it. "

Yes, I know what you mean

I think that I have been struggling for a while, with motivation to work ( I know I am using the pandemic as an excuse). Being self employed makes it easier to avoid, yet the knock on effect is going to get me into trouble financially, I know this, yet I still cant snap out of it! What is wrong with me!!

Then I get angry with myself, and I am an emotional eater

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

Don't we all have one to some degree?

I try to distract myself with other things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My friends are pretty good at snapping me out of it.

Yes, I know what you mean

I think that I have been struggling for a while, with motivation to work ( I know I am using the pandemic as an excuse). Being self employed makes it easier to avoid, yet the knock on effect is going to get me into trouble financially, I know this, yet I still cant snap out of it! What is wrong with me!!

Then I get angry with myself, and I am an emotional eater "

Bloody hell I could have written that myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heslimoneMan
over a year ago

Deeside

Smash some plates

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anicmouseMan
over a year ago

Greater London

Set yourself short but meaningful goals, and then reward yourself after you've achieved that goal/s

I know it sounds silly but I tend to write things on paper/in a pad, almost like a reward chart

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again? "

Currently in the same boat but it’s been over a year now and it longer I’ve left it the harder it gets to pull out of it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

Currently in the same boat but it’s been over a year now and it longer I’ve left it the harder it gets to pull out of it "

Every journey begins with a single step x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Remove “should” and “could” from your life. You can or you can’t, you will or you won’t... grab this life by its wobbly bits and give them a jiggle

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

Currently in the same boat but it’s been over a year now and it longer I’ve left it the harder it gets to pull out of it

Every journey begins with a single step x"

It’s a pretty rotten step so I’m always tentative to put my full weight on there

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

decide that you are going to change your behaviour, make an achievable plan and then get started

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

Don't we all have one to some degree?

I try to distract myself with other things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My friends are pretty good at snapping me out of it.

Yes, I know what you mean

I think that I have been struggling for a while, with motivation to work ( I know I am using the pandemic as an excuse). Being self employed makes it easier to avoid, yet the knock on effect is going to get me into trouble financially, I know this, yet I still cant snap out of it! What is wrong with me!!

Then I get angry with myself, and I am an emotional eater "

One day at a time, make little changes. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Can you get a friend a board that you can call/rant to when your feeling like this? My inbox is always open xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

Currently in the same boat but it’s been over a year now and it longer I’ve left it the harder it gets to pull out of it

Every journey begins with a single step x

It’s a pretty rotten step so I’m always tentative to put my full weight on there "

I understand xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Normally I step on the scales or catch sight in the mirror and that snaps me out of the self destruction

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again? "

One thing thats worked for me eventually is to just accept I have periods/cycles of fairly extreme high and low energy and embrace and make the most of the lows.

You can do interesting things in Low - read more , work on some of those relationships you neglect when in the zone, certain activities work well too, ones that aren’t goal oriented, I treat it as well needed downtime. If you are passionate / enthusiastic / high performer these periods are normal or you would just eventually burnout.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I pause, take some rest and gather my thoughts and energy

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most days I wish I could break free from the shackles and slavery of the 9-5 and become self employed. I have zero interest or effort in my day to day role, making money for someone else. But I'm aware that self employment is not an easy step, and like you say there by not getting motivated then you'll struggle financially further down the line.

Maybe you should go Go-Karting or something similar. Get your frustrations out, clear the mind then get yourself back in the saddle

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Fab in itself can add to self destruction... maybe take a break and tell yourself work is far more important ....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Apparently I do this. Self sabotage etc.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

One thing thats worked for me eventually is to just accept I have periods/cycles of fairly extreme high and low energy and embrace and make the most of the lows.

You can do interesting things in Low - read more , work on some of those relationships you neglect when in the zone, certain activities work well too, ones that aren’t goal oriented, I treat it as well needed downtime. If you are passionate / enthusiastic / high performer these periods are normal or you would just eventually burnout. "

^^This^^ Although I wouldn't call my downtime moments a low but just contentment. I do think there is a societal pressure to keep moving forward, improving and striving for more and if you're not doing that then you should be feeling guilty. Take the time out - read, go for a walk, watch the world go by.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I work for rewards, this is what motivates me on a daily basis, knowing that if I don't get off my arse and be responsible, I am not going to get the long weekend away that is filled with pleasure, lockdown dampened that for a while but I managed to rediscover it.

Using food is a very hard one that I've not managed to find the answer to yet x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

One thing thats worked for me eventually is to just accept I have periods/cycles of fairly extreme high and low energy and embrace and make the most of the lows.

You can do interesting things in Low - read more , work on some of those relationships you neglect when in the zone, certain activities work well too, ones that aren’t goal oriented, I treat it as well needed downtime. If you are passionate / enthusiastic / high performer these periods are normal or you would just eventually burnout.

^^This^^ Although I wouldn't call my downtime moments a low but just contentment. I do think there is a societal pressure to keep moving forward, improving and striving for more and if you're not doing that then you should be feeling guilty. Take the time out - read, go for a walk, watch the world go by."

I'm very good at the watching the world go by bit, and being sad at the time lost, but not so good at the setting goals and trying to achieve things bit

I've been in a rut for so long I don't know how to get out if it. And even if I do tell myself I'm going to be better and more motivated and make something of myself, the resolve generally lasts all of about ten minutes

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again?

One thing thats worked for me eventually is to just accept I have periods/cycles of fairly extreme high and low energy and embrace and make the most of the lows.

You can do interesting things in Low - read more , work on some of those relationships you neglect when in the zone, certain activities work well too, ones that aren’t goal oriented, I treat it as well needed downtime. If you are passionate / enthusiastic / high performer these periods are normal or you would just eventually burnout.

^^This^^ Although I wouldn't call my downtime moments a low but just contentment. I do think there is a societal pressure to keep moving forward, improving and striving for more and if you're not doing that then you should be feeling guilty. Take the time out - read, go for a walk, watch the world go by.

I'm very good at the watching the world go by bit, and being sad at the time lost, but not so good at the setting goals and trying to achieve things bit

I've been in a rut for so long I don't know how to get out if it. And even if I do tell myself I'm going to be better and more motivated and make something of myself, the resolve generally lasts all of about ten minutes "

It’s your age , men in 40s, you’re either gonna get a sunken chest and slippers and accept being old or get super sexy and go an adventure... but there’s no staying where you are , have a mid life crisis to get you moving.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one, and I know I have one.

Yet I also have this inertia at the moment.

How do you snap out of things and get cycling upwards again? "

I wish I knew the answer!

I seem to be in permanent self destruct with overindulgences no motivation, toxic relationships and burying my head in the sand

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fab in itself can add to self destruction... maybe take a break and tell yourself work is far more important .... "

I was reading yesterday about more and more research coming up showing links between use of social media and depression/isolation. Yet, if used mindfully seeking specific support groups or information for example can aid ones wellbeing. There is no black and white answer here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Fab in itself can add to self destruction... maybe take a break and tell yourself work is far more important ....

I was reading yesterday about more and more research coming up showing links between use of social media and depression/isolation. Yet, if used mindfully seeking specific support groups or information for example can aid ones wellbeing. There is no black and white answer here. "

Absolutely.

I think for some social media can be a lifeline. For others not so much. Like anything it's a tool to be used.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for self destructive streak, maybe there is no one size fits all approach. Ha! Sometimes what works on one day might not feel helpful another.

I would start with assembling your own tool box of self help materials. Could be something as simple as going for a walk somewhere nice, writing positive things you did today, any form of self care. Introducing new patterns of behaviour, even pushing yourself to react differently when you are faced with the same troubling thoughts, eventually will become a new habit persevering at it might be a challenge, but you come across strong and I believe you can tackle that with kindness towards yourself and patience.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Small steps.

Accept where you are as perfectly human and remember you will move from this place.

Get out in nature, open your senses to the experience.

Move to some music or create something.

Eat well.

These things help me when I'm stuck.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch


"Fab in itself can add to self destruction... maybe take a break and tell yourself work is far more important ....

I was reading yesterday about more and more research coming up showing links between use of social media and depression/isolation. Yet, if used mindfully seeking specific support groups or information for example can aid ones wellbeing. There is no black and white answer here. "

I'd agree with the analysis there. Even with regard to this forum, and bearing in mind I'm gaining an ever-expanding circle of friends to talk to which I'm very grateful for, it can make me feel either ten feet tall or feel like chucking everything in. Which all depends on how I'm feeling within and about myself when I'm on here.

Just to contradict myself now, I'm about halfway between those two extremes today

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fab in itself can add to self destruction... maybe take a break and tell yourself work is far more important ....

I was reading yesterday about more and more research coming up showing links between use of social media and depression/isolation. Yet, if used mindfully seeking specific support groups or information for example can aid ones wellbeing. There is no black and white answer here.

I'd agree with the analysis there. Even with regard to this forum, and bearing in mind I'm gaining an ever-expanding circle of friends to talk to which I'm very grateful for, it can make me feel either ten feet tall or feel like chucking everything in. Which all depends on how I'm feeling within and about myself when I'm on here.

Just to contradict myself now, I'm about halfway between those two extremes today "

It takes time sometimes to settle with a feeling.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Forgive yourself when you fuck up.

Know that self destruct is a message that something needs attention/healing. You know what it is probably. Patience. These patterns usually come from sensetive wounds and so need to be met with sensetivity. Go easy on yourself xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Forgive yourself when you fuck up.

Know that self destruct is a message that something needs attention/healing. You know what it is probably. Patience. These patterns usually come from sensetive wounds and so need to be met with sensetivity. Go easy on yourself xxx "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top