FabSwingers.com forum: Can I ask your opinion on a money morals dilemma?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

11 years ago my grandfather married a woman (not my gran, she’s passed away years before). 15 months ago he was diagnosed with early dementia (it’s gotten much worse since) anyway long story short just before Xmas I borrowed £300 off my grandfather for Xmas but the wife gave it to me out of her money and I was to give it back in Feb’s pay. In January though she left my grandfather and we (the family) didn’t know that she had also taken 40 thousand pound off my grandfather in the form of two £20 grand cheques, one last year and another one when she said she was leaving. We knew she was taking his (their) brand new car not a top of the range thing but was £15 grand when he bought it new. Now over the years she’s spent his money happily always buying new furniture for the house and only months before he was diagnosed with the dementia she insisted they have a conservatory extension even though was just two of them in a 3 bed house, that cost 38 thousand. Now my grandfather has nothing left in the way of savings all that money was his payout from when he retired (he had a good job) he still has a good pension but no savings. I haven’t given this £300 back to her yet cos as you can imagine my family are pissed off that she took 40 grand off him so technically she’s had her £300 plus 39 thousand 700 pound more. She text me yesterday asking for her £300 and normally I don’t know what to do as kids of her friends are giving quite dirty looks so I get the feeling that she’s telling people I haven’t given her money back but unsure if those around her know she took 40k of my grandfathers money.

It’s a bit complicated and Jeremy Kyle esqe I know, but what’s everyone’s opinion, what would you do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her to stick her £300 up her arse.

She can say what she wants but you will know the truth and your reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the 300 was cash it can be ignored. If if was paid via an account, she could come after it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No way I’d give it to her! Give it to your grandad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can afford it, I would maintain the moral high ground and pay it back with a smile (or through gritted teeth)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't pay it back out of principle

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Does someone have power of attorney to help your grandad get some of the £40k back ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her to stick her £300 up her arse.

She can say what she wants but you will know the truth and your reasons."

That

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The £300 was cash so no trace and he willingly wrote her the two 20 grand cheques so don’t think anyone can do anything about that and plus it’s probably long spent now if she’s asking for the £300 now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Also wasn’t 11 years they married was 11 years when they first got together. They married 5 years ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you can afford it, I would maintain the moral high ground and pay it back with a smile (or through gritted teeth) "

This, and pay her back in pennies.

Or dont pay her back, shes had enough already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did she have £40K plus the conservatory cost £38K or is that the same money?

Why did she have that amount of money from your granddad?

I’d get legal advice to see if she obtained the money fraudulently.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

He willingly gave her the money. What she spent while they were together was between the two of them. Pay her back what "you" owe her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Accept that the 40 k is gone. Theres a lot more ahead when it comes to the inheritances. Think on that and plan accordingly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The £300 was cash so no trace and he willingly wrote her the two 20 grand cheques so don’t think anyone can do anything about that and plus it’s probably long spent now if she’s asking for the £300 now. "

Ah I presumed she took the 40k from him fraudulently. That’s a bit different then. I’d have to pay her back if it was me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep it. She doesn't deserve it back. Or if you want to give it back and you're struggling, I'd quite happily give you 300 quid!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd tell her to piss off personally and give the money to your grandad.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

It's my opinion you're seeking justification to not pay her back. You're not privvy to their marital issues and your "contract" was with her.

Whether she's a money grabbing whatever or not you owe her money. Maybe you doing the right thing might shame her...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did she have £40K plus the conservatory cost £38K or is that the same money?

Why did she have that amount of money from your granddad?

I’d get legal advice to see if she obtained the money fraudulently."

The conservatory was separate. When she said she wanted that my grandfather said there was no need for it and my uncle (his son) was telling him not to waste 40k on a conservatory but she threatened to leave my grandfather then that’s what the first £20 grand cheques was for, she told my grandfather she needed that to set up on her own again and he gave her the money but she didn’t go that time, she went in January that’s when she had the second 20 grand cheque off him. He gave it to her willingly for her to set up again somewhere else only this time she did go and took the new car as well.

I wanted to give the £300 back but I’ve got all my family on my back as well saying don’t you dare she’s had enough of this family kind of thing. I feel a bit stuck, if this woman is telling people I haven’t given her money back I don’t want to come off as a scrounger do you know what I mean.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I'd pay back what you owe. What happened between your grandad and his wife bears no difference to the fact you borrowed the money.

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

It's hard to make a judgement when you only have one side of the story. I would say that you should give her the £300 back as what ever she might be at least she was good enough to lend you the £300 when you needed it.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I’d send her a photo of my middle finger

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I think they are two separate issues. You borrowed money off her.

He was with her for 11 years and what they spent is their business. If he chose to give everything to his wife so be it. If you feel it was fraudulent than there are avenues to persue.

She was good enough to borrow from so good enough to pay back.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Did he give her the £40k to compensate her for him being able to stay in the family home (with expensive conservatory)?

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"He willingly gave her the money. What she spent while they were together was between the two of them. Pay her back what "you" owe her "

This

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

If your grandad ever needs dementia care in a residential home he would end up paying for it from his savings so probably best to spend it and enjoy it,is my opinion.

My mum and dad worked hard all their lives. Because they'd saved and not spent they ended up paying for my dads care at 900 quid a week.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I’d just pay her it back so she has no ‘come back’ but then wash your hands of her. She sounds like a right case

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If your grandad ever needs dementia care in a residential home he would end up paying for it from his savings so probably best to spend it and enjoy it,is my opinion.

My mum and dad worked hard all their lives. Because they'd saved and not spent they ended up paying for my dads care at 900 quid a week.

It's so unfair!!

I tell my elderly mates to spend it and enjoy it now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP-

How do you know that the £300 was her money? Maybe your grandad gave her the money to give to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So let’s get this straight because you’re a confusing writer.

There never ended up being a conservatory built so no 38k cost there.

He gave her 40k of his money as a separation agreement and the car too.

There’s really nothing you can do there it would seem.

As for the 300 you’ll prob have to pay it back. You do owe it. Lodge a pound in her bank once a week and she’ll have it all in 5 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although at the same time as the above poster says, there’s no proof she didn’t use his money for it and as they were a couple at the time that would still count as a present/loan from your grandfather and you could easily argue that you either pay it back to him or keep it as a present.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I would tell her I had given it to my grandfather as for some reason he has suddenly become skint.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did he give her the £40k to compensate her for him being able to stay in the family home (with expensive conservatory)?"

The family home was his and my grans. This woman moved in to that house. That house is supposed to be left to my mother and uncle as per my grans Will, all money and property is supposed to go to their two children.

It’s sensitive because it’s looking like soon my grandfather is gonna have to go into a home or at the very least have care because of his dementia. The family home is where my mother and uncle and me for part of my life grew up, they lost my gran their mother so the thought of the house going is quite upsetting. 40k would have paid for carers before anyone had to think about selling property to fund it. If you have savings or assets you have to pay for your own care. So I’m torn between wanting to pay this £300 back and then my family all saying don’t you dare give her a penny. That’s why I needed unbiased opinions, all people around me are emotionally invested so they all say not to.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"He willingly gave her the money. What she spent while they were together was between the two of them. Pay her back what "you" owe her

This

Again this.

She is his wife. It is their money not yours.

You borrowed £300 and you owe it back.

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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago

ribble valley

Pay her and remember you're above her. She might take people's cash, but you don't have to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where is Jeremy Kyle when you need him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He willingly gave her the money. What she spent while they were together was between the two of them. Pay her back what "you" owe her "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So let’s get this straight because you’re a confusing writer.

There never ended up being a conservatory built so no 38k cost there.

He gave her 40k of his money as a separation agreement and the car too.

There’s really nothing you can do there it would seem.

As for the 300 you’ll prob have to pay it back. You do owe it. Lodge a pound in her bank once a week and she’ll have it all in 5 years

Didn’t mean for it to sound confusing, yes the conservatory was built. It cost 38 grand. AND they dug up where my budgie had been buried 17 years prior but that’s just my gripe.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Why do children always think that they have a right to what their parents worked for ?

If a house was left in a will it probably said in the event of gran outliving grandad.... if she doesn't then it's grandads..

Now grandad got himself a new wife and folk think they've lost something that belongs to them but they haven't.

If they are married it's hers as much as his.

If he pops his clogs she gets the lot and vice versa.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

A marriage overwrites any existing will. When your grandad dies the whole estate will pass to his new wife unless he wrote a new will after he got married.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Pay her and remember you're above her. She might take people's cash, but you don't have to

Whose cash did she take ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why do children always think that they have a right to what their parents worked for ?

If a house was left in a will it probably said in the event of gran outliving grandad.... if she doesn't then it's grandads..

Now grandad got himself a new wife and folk think they've lost something that belongs to them but they haven't.

If they are married it's hers as much as his.

If he pops his clogs she gets the lot and vice versa.

Could you not speak so flippantly about my grandfather please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the grand scheme of things £300 isn’t a lot of money. Pay her back and be done with her.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Why do children always think that they have a right to what their parents worked for ?

If a house was left in a will it probably said in the event of gran outliving grandad.... if she doesn't then it's grandads..

Now grandad got himself a new wife and folk think they've lost something that belongs to them but they haven't.

If they are married it's hers as much as his.

If he pops his clogs she gets the lot and vice versa.

Could you not speak so flippantly about my grandfather please. "

I haven't. I've kept in keeping with his business being dealt with on a swinging site by people who don't know him at all.

I'd never be flippant about your Grandad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Pay her and remember you're above her. She might take people's cash, but you don't have to

Whose cash did she take ??"

His and my grans because they worked in the same place and when she died her pension was given to him in a lump payment.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Pay her and remember you're above her. She might take people's cash, but you don't have to

Whose cash did she take ??

His and my grans because they worked in the same place and when she died her pension was given to him in a lump payment. "

But when they married it becomes theirs unless there is a clause somewhere saying they are to be financially independent from each other.

It's HER money. She took nothing that didn't belong to her.

It's certainly not anyone elses money but theirs. His n hers. ( legally )

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Pay her and remember you're above her. She might take people's cash, but you don't have to

Whose cash did she take ??

His and my grans because they worked in the same place and when she died her pension was given to him in a lump payment.

But when they married it becomes theirs unless there is a clause somewhere saying they are to be financially independent from each other.

It's HER money. She took nothing that didn't belong to her.

It's certainly not anyone elses money but theirs. His n hers. ( legally ) "

Although legally that’s the case but the majority of that money was from my grans pension because when she died it was given as a lump sum and it went to her living spouse (my grandfather). Can you see how my uncle and mum don’t believe that this woman is entitled to any of that money as it was their mothers money and I’m sure my gran would want my grandfather to be looked after rather than some woman he met after her death to have it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok. Probably for the sake of 300. Just pay it and put an end to that conflict.

But look into your grandads affairs now. The will, the estate etc. Secure it, if that's possible. Whilst he is alive he can change his will. So act quickly.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Just because the family don't like 'that woman' ...... doesn't change anything.

I can see that they'd like to have your gran's money but it's not theirs.

They have no right to it legally or even morally.

They can think it's theirs as long as they like ....... but it isn't.

Unless Grandad has left it to them.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Ok. Probably for the sake of 300. Just pay it and put an end to that conflict.

But look into your grandads affairs now. The will, the estate etc. Secure it, if that's possible. Whilst he is alive he can change his will. So act quickly."

Wow......

Get a man to change his will to disinherit his wife ..... some advice going on there.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Good luck with that one .......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pay her and remember you're above her. She might take people's cash, but you don't have to

Whose cash did she take ??

His and my grans because they worked in the same place and when she died her pension was given to him in a lump payment.

But when they married it becomes theirs unless there is a clause somewhere saying they are to be financially independent from each other.

It's HER money. She took nothing that didn't belong to her.

It's certainly not anyone elses money but theirs. His n hers. ( legally )

Is she still married to your granddad?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Annie ....

Go to family law courts UK and read up on inheritance.

It doesn't matter what beliefs people have and what 'made up' rights they hold on to and argue over.....

Its plain as day in law.

Is there a will ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pay back what you owe and then if you're think she's ripped your grandad off then deal with that completely separately.

You could always wipe the notes on your bumhole before handing them over....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This all getting into things I have no idea about. Things like the will I wouldn’t even know where to start, that’s more for his children to deal with my uncle and my mum.

I just wanted an unbiased opinion on whether I should give this £300 back considering she’d just had 40 thousand pound off my grandfather.

If she’s entitled to claim all my gran and grandfathers money as her own then I can treat her like a gran and my gran would just give me money and never ask for it back so

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 19/09/20 19:06:42]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

If you have no qualms about stealing from others and she has no proof then keep it. It still the behaviour a thief/untrustworthy/deadbeat/freeloader/moocher ... what ever.

If she's no proof it's just your word against hers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just text her back saying ‘what £300 I don’t recall this and would like to see the proof’ (unless it was done via bank then there will be a trail)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

you did say moral dilemma not legal so in the end you have to follow your own moral compass .....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Is it old fashioned to be honest ? Does everyone just fuck each other over without conscience ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is it old fashioned to be honest ? Does everyone just fuck each other over without conscience ?"

You sound like you have a gold diggers mentality.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Pay it back. You borrowed it. If you can’t afford all of it right now then set up a monthly repayment plan for what you can afford. Better to pay something rather than nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they were married than she is entitled to some sort of money.

I'm assuming that you're grandad owns the house so actually she took a lot less than she could of done.

If im honest it sounds like you do owe her money as you made an agreement to pay it back.

You don't have to like it but I think that would be the moral thing to do.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

" Things like the will I wouldn’t even know where to start, that’s more for his children to deal with my uncle and my mum.

Couldn't either your mum or uncle ask their dad if he made a new will after he got married ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This all getting into things I have no idea about. Things like the will I wouldn’t even know where to start, that’s more for his children to deal with my uncle and my mum.

I just wanted an unbiased opinion on whether I should give this £300 back considering she’d just had 40 thousand pound off my grandfather.

If she’s entitled to claim all my gran and grandfathers money as her own then I can treat her like a gran and my gran would just give me money and never ask for it back so

Wow.

It sounds like you never expected to have to pay it back and you are now pissed off You have been asked to.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Is it old fashioned to be honest ? Does everyone just fuck each other over without conscience ?

You sound like you have a gold diggers mentality.

I do don't I. Is that wrong of me ?

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Morally it is owed back of it were a loan.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

*if*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did she bring to the marriage?

What did she provide financially?

I’m pretty sure if finances were looked at in a court, the fact they had a short marriage and the assets were your granddads prior to their marriage would be taken into account, especially as she’s already had £40K and a car.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"*if*"

Lovely asterisks there _amiss....

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"This all getting into things I have no idea about. Things like the will I wouldn’t even know where to start, that’s more for his children to deal with my uncle and my mum.

I just wanted an unbiased opinion on whether I should give this £300 back considering she’d just had 40 thousand pound off my grandfather.

If she’s entitled to claim all my gran and grandfathers money as her own then I can treat her like a gran and my gran would just give me money and never ask for it back so

Wow.

It sounds like you never expected to have to pay it back and you are now pissed off You have been asked to. "

I thought that too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If they were married than she is entitled to some sort of money.

I'm assuming that you're grandad owns the house so actually she took a lot less than she could of done.

If im honest it sounds like you do owe her money as you made an agreement to pay it back.

You don't have to like it but I think that would be the moral thing to do.

That’s what I thought. I’ve just had the rest of my family in my ear saying don’t you dare give her a penny so it’s clouded my judgement. I can see their point of view they see it as their mothers money that’s been taken and they know their Dad (my grandfather) is going to need at home care or go into residential so his savings would have paid for that before the house would have to be sold. Wasting 38 grand on a conservatory and another 40k to her just means that the house is gonna have to go plus she’d be entitled to half of that as well so I can see why they’re telling me to tell her to go whistle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He gave her the money willingly, it was their money anyway as they are married. Same with the money for the conservatory, it was their money. Ditto the car.

However you borrowed £300 from them and you should pay it back.

The "family" have no reason to be telling your grandad what to do with the money.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"*if*

Lovely asterisks there _amiss.... "

Thank you Granny , I have a problem with my Autocarrot

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What did she bring to the marriage?

What did she provide financially?

She gave up work when she got with my grandfather 11 years ago. Gave up her council flat and moved in to my grandfathers house. He would give her £300 a week but she did do their food shop out of that. He paid all bills and the house was paid for 31 years ago.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Did they send everyone a weekly letter headed.... What we spent our money on today ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Bath time for me even if it's not.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"He paid all bills and the house was paid for 31 years ago. "

You know all these facts, and that the conservatory was £38k, that he gave her two cheques for £20k and the car was worth £15k but you don't know if he wrote a new will after his marriage ?

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

So in total its 78 thousand shes had/spent...is that right?

38 thousand for the conservatory

And 2 x 20 thousand cheques...

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Plus the car and £300 per week during the marriage

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Plus the car and £300 per week during the marriage"

So that adds up to another 93,000

Total £171,000

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would pay or your doing the same thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

awwwww sounds really hard and very upsetting.

Best advice is keep a stiff upper lip and don't let this unpleasant person make you bitter. There is very little you can do about it if she is still technically married to him and not divorced. So sorry as it sounds like you have a lot of pain to come.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"He paid all bills and the house was paid for 31 years ago.

You know all these facts, and that the conservatory was £38k, that he gave her two cheques for £20k and the car was worth £15k but you don't know if he wrote a new will after his marriage ?"

I know the conservatory was 38 grand because when I saw it I said oh it’s nice and she said it should be for 38 thousand. I know the car was £14,995 because I gave them a lift the day they bought it and drove it home from the showroom. I know she had £300 off him a week because she used to say it was her pocket money and was quite open about it.

Things like the will I wouldn’t have been consulted on so unfortunately no I don’t know anything about that side of things. I only know information that was given to me freely or made observationally such as her giving up work when she moved in and her giving up her flat.

Does that answer your question now cos I feel like I’m being attacked here for just asking for peoples opinions. No wonder I barely come on here these days.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I'm sorry they built the conservatory over your dead budgie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You aren't being attacked, you asked for opinions and that's what you are getting.

What your grandad and his wife did willingly with their money is up to them.

You borrowed £300 from them and need to pay it back.

Money matters are always difficult when someone has remarried or even if they are just partners. We had problems with my mums (now) expartner using her money in ways he shouldn't, we were only able to stop it when we used the LPOA when she wasn't capable of deciding things herself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pay the £300 back to your granddad as the money loaned to you was their money if she’s still married to your granddad.

Tell her you’ve given it back your granddad.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I'm sorry they built the conservatory over your dead budgie. "

Me too

If we think of it as a lovely big cage it helps.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'd pay her back and get my head around the fact that she will inherit everything if she outlives your grandad.

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By *ent in BlackMan
over a year ago

Silsden

"11 years ago my grandfather married a woman (not my gran, she’s passed away years before). 15 months ago he was diagnosed with early dementia (it’s gotten much worse since) anyway long story short just before Xmas I borrowed £300 off my grandfather for Xmas but the wife gave it to me out of her money and I was to give it back in Feb’s pay. In January though she left my grandfather and we (the family) didn’t know that she had also taken 40 thousand pound off my grandfather in the form of two £20 grand cheques, one last year and another one when she said she was leaving. We knew she was taking his (their) brand new car not a top of the range thing but was £15 grand when he bought it new. Now over the years she’s spent his money happily always buying new furniture for the house and only months before he was diagnosed with the dementia she insisted they have a conservatory extension even though was just two of them in a 3 bed house, that cost 38 thousand. Now my grandfather has nothing left in the way of savings all that money was his payout from when he retired (he had a good job) he still has a good pension but no savings. I haven’t given this £300 back to her yet cos as you can imagine my family are pissed off that she took 40 grand off him so technically she’s had her £300 plus 39 thousand 700 pound more. She text me yesterday asking for her £300 and normally I don’t know what to do as kids of her friends are giving quite dirty looks so I get the feeling that she’s telling people I haven’t given her money back but unsure if those around her know she took 40k of my grandfathers money.

It’s a bit complicated and Jeremy Kyle esqe I know, but what’s everyone’s opinion, what would you do? "

I see your dilemma, normally I’d say pay it back, however in this case I’d tell her to stick it where the sun don’t shine.

If she’s no evidence she lent it then it’s written off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a bit complicated and Jeremy Kyle esqe I know, but what’s everyone’s opinion, what would you do?

I see your dilemma, normally I’d say pay it back, however in this case I’d tell her to stick it where the sun don’t shine.

If she’s no evidence she lent it then it’s written off."

Why shouldn't she pay it back?

It sounds like the money was lent without conditions so should be paid back without condition.

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

But, given his dementia - did he have capacity when he wrote them or was he coerced? Or worse

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

Also, as the family has concerns as to her motives in all of this then you need to do power of attorney over your granddad - both legal and medical. This will help in the long run as his condition worsens and will hopefully stop her getting anything g more from your family. I'd agree that it's your granddad cash and he can do what he wants either it however, with his dementia, he needs more protection around him.

Oh, and I'd pay the cash back. You dont want to be as bad as she appears to be being painted.

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

Tell her you gave it to Grandad to give back to her and he either (A) forgot due to dementia or (B) she must have stolen her own money as it must have been put into the account when Grandad gave it to her

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Also, as the family has concerns as to her motives in all of this then you need to do power of attorney over your granddad - both legal and medical. This will help in the long run as his condition worsens and will hopefully stop her getting anything g more from your family. I'd agree that it's your granddad cash and he can do what he wants either it however, with his dementia, he needs more protection around him.

Oh, and I'd pay the cash back. You dont want to be as bad as she appears to be being painted."

You have to be of sound mind to do a poa, the gentleman has dementia...

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Pay her back

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

What two grown ups do is their business why is your family upset?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Oh, and I'd pay the cash back. You dont want to be as bad as she appears to be being painted."

The only person this lady has had money from is her husband. His money was not his wider families property. Of course people want to protect elderly relatives but the question is should the op pay back £300 that she borrowed and I think the answer to that is that she should.

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

Oh, and I'd pay the cash back. You dont want to be as bad as she appears to be being painted.

You have to be of sound mind to do a poa, the gentleman has dementia..."

Then involve the court of protection. Also, even with having dementia there are periods of lucidity. Mind is measured on a decision by decision basis (and I'm speaking from experience here, sometimes my dad is lucid and knows all his onions, sometimes he talks to a square headed woman who lives behind his curtain). Any and every time we had to get a decision regarding anything to do with him prior to poa we had to get his capacity tested. And that would be for each decision needing made. So if we had to sort 3 things out in a day he was tested on each of those things to see whether he could make the decision himself rationally. An awful and upsetting situation

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

Oh, and I'd pay the cash back. You dont want to be as bad as she appears to be being painted.

I answered that question and used concerns for her motives I dont need pulling for my post ty xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, and I'd pay the cash back. You dont want to be as bad as she appears to be being painted.

I answered that question and used concerns for her motives I dont need pulling for my post ty xx"

But it actually doesn't matter because they are married so actually it was their money not his. The OP needs to pay the money back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, and I'd pay the cash back. You dont want to be as bad as she appears to be being painted.

I answered that question and used concerns for her motives I dont need pulling for my post ty xx"

Also you should probably read the forum rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So let’s get this straight because you’re a confusing writer.

There never ended up being a conservatory built so no 38k cost there.

He gave her 40k of his money as a separation agreement and the car too.

There’s really nothing you can do there it would seem.

As for the 300 you’ll prob have to pay it back. You do owe it. Lodge a pound in her bank once a week and she’ll have it all in 5 years

Didn’t mean for it to sound confusing, yes the conservatory was built. It cost 38 grand. AND they dug up where my budgie had been buried 17 years prior but that’s just my gripe. "

So she didn’t take 40k in cash? She just used it to build the conservatory. You’re confusing me even more now lol

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"So let’s get this straight because you’re a confusing writer.

There never ended up being a conservatory built so no 38k cost there.

He gave her 40k of his money as a separation agreement and the car too.

There’s really nothing you can do there it would seem.

As for the 300 you’ll prob have to pay it back. You do owe it. Lodge a pound in her bank once a week and she’ll have it all in 5 years

Didn’t mean for it to sound confusing, yes the conservatory was built. It cost 38 grand. AND they dug up where my budgie had been buried 17 years prior but that’s just my gripe.

So she didn’t take 40k in cash? She just used it to build the conservatory. You’re confusing me even more now lol "

It’s not difficult to read the original post or subsequent ones.

They spent 38k on a conservatory,

She had a cheque for 20k,

She then had another cheque for 20k before leaving.

What’s so difficult to follow, the only question the OP was asking is should she repay 300 that she borrowed from her given that she’s had the benefit of a fair bit already.

The answer to the question is, yes, OP you should repay what you have borrowed, even though it grates with you and I can understand why it would, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and do the right thing.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Why do children always think that they have a right to what their parents worked for ?

If a house was left in a will it probably said in the event of gran outliving grandad.... if she doesn't then it's grandads..

Now grandad got himself a new wife and folk think they've lost something that belongs to them but they haven't.

If they are married it's hers as much as his.

If he pops his clogs she gets the lot and vice versa.

Thankfully not all children.

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