FabSwingers.com forum: Research re gentlemen

By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Good afternoon

This is a thread for the guys, sorry ladies.

During recent times I’ve been disillusioned by certain behaviour of some men.

For research purposes only guys can you please tell me what your definition of a gentleman is?

I’m trying to understand as maybe my expectations of what one is are far too high.

Thank you xx

Bhubaysi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Treating others as you would hope to be treated yourself!

That’s it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone that owns two or more pairs of cufflinks.

I have no cufflinks.

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Being respectful and using your P’s and Q’s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man who is gentle

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Being the person that you hope your son grows into, or your daughter meets.

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By *9alMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

A gentleman will treat you as a lady

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man who is gentle

The serious answer here is that it differs from person to person - we all have our own personal standards.

Behaviour that is considered gentlemanly by one person will no doubt be considered creepy by another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Courteous and treat others as you wish yourself to be treated by others.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Being the person that you hope your son grows into, or your daughter meets."

Yes yes yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being the person that you hope your son grows into, or your daughter meets."

Best answer so far

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Respect decency and manors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it a bit creepy when a man describes himself as a gentlemen, just because he treats women with respect, surely this just a given, it’s not some great thing to strive for it should be just the norm. Treating everyone with respect should be just be one of the basics for everyone, men, women, whoever. So when you talk about men, you’re just talking about individuals, men aren’t a collective unit, same as women aren’t. We can only control our Own behaviour, what other people do has no bearing on how I treat people, regardless if they’re the same sex as me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Respect everyone and always help someone if they appear to be struggling

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By *heGentleman2024Man
over a year ago

North West

A Gentleman is a man that makes you feel comfortable at all times. Respectfull.. makes you laugh. “Old fashioned” buys you flowers opens the car door, restaurant door..with a cheeky slap on the ass..

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Good afternoon

This is a thread for the guys, sorry ladies.

During recent times I’ve been disillusioned by certain behaviour of some men.

For research purposes only guys can you please tell me what your definition of a gentleman is?

I’m trying to understand as maybe my expectations of what one is are far too high.

Thank you xx

Bhubaysi "

There no such thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A Gentleman is a man that makes you feel comfortable at all times. Respectfull.. makes you laugh. “Old fashioned” buys you flowers opens the car door, restaurant door..with a cheeky slap on the ass..

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman"

Here,here...

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman"

Boom

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman"

That’s it! These are the kinds things I did for my daughters right from little kids when going out for dinner , not the slap on the ass of course! So that they grew up with an expectation of what a date feels like, and how a guy should treat a girl, so they don’t end up with a duffer.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I think the definition of a Gentleman can be, Stylishly dressed, smell nice, manners, intelligence with an element of danger or intrigue about him. He doesn’t have to have the upper class accent or even money just knows when to talk and when to listen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is an excellent thread - really interesting to read the replies. Keep them coming guys

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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"I think the definition of a Gentleman can be, Stylishly dressed, smell nice, manners, intelligence with an element of danger or intrigue about him. He doesn’t have to have the upper class accent or even money just knows when to talk and when to listen.

Well put. This is close to my thinking.

However the post on how you treat everyone not just Ladies is really where we should be in Society. As I grew up I talked to everyone and tried to get on well. When I started work I found out my soft skills were getting done quicker than expected or finding out things that others took ages to do. All because I treated people well. Listening is an underatted skill.

I wonder if I should add a slap on the Ladies rear to my behaviour but I think a slap in the face would be the answer unless we were play friends....

Good luck with your search OP. For each opinion there is a match.

PS I have loads of cufflinks....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find the actions, rather than words or his clothes that define "gentleman" behaviour.

Chivalry - opening doors, taking her coat and putting it on her after a nice dinner. Pulling a chair out for her to sit, offering a hand if she wants to get up.

A great smile and plenty of eye contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would image a gentleman is a male who puts the needs of others before themselves. Is honourable, curious and displays impeccable manners.

May I wish you luck on your search for your ‘gentleman’. They are a dying breed, but not yet extinct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dictionary definition:

'A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior.'

I suppose it depends how you define proper behaviour.

If someone is behind me as I walk through a door I'll hold it open for them. But I wouldn't open a door especially for a woman, or pull her chair out for her in a restaurant, or open the car door for her to get in/out.

I wouldn't call myself a gentleman but I would treat a woman I was in a relationship with in the same way I treat everyone - with respect and kindness (doesn't mean I wouldn't get annoyed or angry with them). And I would expect the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Manners maketh Man. Treat everyone how you'd wish to be treated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A person who considers the impact of his words and actions, on others.

In a swingers sense, he announces he's about to ejaculate, to avoid it going in your hair

I suspect there are better examples though.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it a bit creepy when a man describes himself as a gentlemen, just because he treats women with respect, surely this just a given, it’s not some great thing to strive for it should be just the norm. Treating everyone with respect should be just be one of the basics for everyone, men, women, whoever. So when you talk about men, you’re just talking about individuals, men aren’t a collective unit, same as women aren’t. We can only control our Own behaviour, what other people do has no bearing on how I treat people, regardless if they’re the same sex as me. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Treating others as you would hope to be treated yourself!

That’s it!"

That is it.....

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I guess I’m really creepy! Lol.

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

Someone who puts others before himself, opens the door for anybody.

Someone who assists the more vulnerable, elderly or infirm across the road or up and down stairs.

help people with heavy bags and offer a seat to those more in need.

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By *angerineMan
over a year ago

somewhere inbetween the right and wrong

[Removed by poster at 13/09/20 16:48:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Respectful of others, honest, reliable, mindful of others opinions, courteous. Well dressed.

Dont text speak or shout. Open doors, help sit down for a meal. Help those who need it.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Are we allowed to answer or just men

I have an idea of what a gentleman is to me. It’s about strength and compassion. Power and gentleness, confidence and being humble. Knowledge and ability to learn. Competence but not perfection. Commanding and kind. It is a look, and from the inside. It’s in the eyes and hands. It is not something you can learn.

It’s a big ask.

V x

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By *onkyLemonsCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman"

Everyone, take notes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It used to be a term with meaning, but nowadays its a pointless term.

Can you define lady?

But in the past I guess I'd have looked at people who are polite, considerate and kind and who do the thoughtful thing.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Are we allowed to answer or just men

It’s a big ask.

V x "

Of course you can comment. I’m sorry I put it out to the guys but I just wondered what guys thoughts of a gentleman are as our brains are so different. No offence to the ladies x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone polite, considerate, respectful, with an enquiring mind and who doesn't judge others for anything except unethical behaviour (i.e. no shaming for people's lifestyle choices). Has a code of ethics and tries to stick to it. Intelligence and wit are usually part of the package.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He has a constancy, that meets all of life's stuff in more or less the same manner. He's not expected to 'lose it'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good afternoon

This is a thread for the guys, sorry ladies.

During recent times I’ve been disillusioned by certain behaviour of some men.

For research purposes only guys can you please tell me what your definition of a gentleman is?

I’m trying to understand as maybe my expectations of what one is are far too high.

Thank you xx

Bhubaysi "

Being respectful to a lady ,to me it's as simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

women dont want a gentleman.

they dont want nice guys.

good guys get friend zoned while the bad boys get the pussy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“A rare species on Fab”. There’s mine xxx

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Are we allowed to answer or just men

It’s a big ask.

V x "

I really love this but it is a big ask. People are flawed, selfish, self focused. This gentleman ideal is almost putting a man on a pedestal and expecting him to be all of the aforementioned and not just... well, a man. I think men can have good traits and can do good but no one is perfect and I know that some of my friends expect this "gentleman" who never steps a foot wrong and does it all but I don't think that's possible. Anyway, it's interesting reading ideas from other men, thanks OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with this. I don't want to be put on a pedestal or pretend to be something I'm not. I want to be accepted for who I am with all the crap and baggage I might bring with me. And I would strive to do the same with you. It's tough and there will be ups, downs and misunderstanding but I don't want an ideal or be seen as an ideal. But if you think the person is worth it you will both learn to navigate through the problems together.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'm not sure a gentleman would define himself, rather have the label used by others about him based on his actions - and that in itself might be quite subjective - yes it probably will come down to various "standards" such as respect and courtesy, manners and decency but it's something more than that too and to an extent may vary from person to person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think of it as the two words separated, a gentle man.

Gentle

adjective

having or showing a mild, kind, or tender temperament or character.

"a gentle, sensitive man"

As someone said above, a man who considers the impact of his words and actions on others. Sadly, far too many people only think about what is important to them. Nicer people think about how they affect their friends and family. Gentlemen consider their impact on everyone.

To me it isn't about respect for others, it is about respect for self, being the best person you can be whatever others do. That means being polite, kind, helpful, respectful to all - not just ladies you think are attractive.

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live

"Being the person that you hope your son grows into, or your daughter meets."

This is not a definition of lots of men who message me on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knock three time on the rectum with my penis before entering it with my penis

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think of it as the two words separated, a gentle man.

Gentle

adjective

having or showing a mild, kind, or tender temperament or character.

"a gentle, sensitive man"

Mr"

Yes. This xx

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By *am450Man
over a year ago

North Kent/Greater London

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman

Boom "

But then doesn't fuck things up by not reading a profile and sending a dick pic

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman"

Obviously I don't want a gentleman then. I don't need or want car doors opening, thank you. I don't need protecting. Buying me stuff to try and demonstrate love - show me your love, don't try and buy it.

My husband is a gentleman. He and I have an unspoken understanding. He does the things I am no longer capable of due to disability, but even though I might find some things harder to do, like get in and out of the car, I want to do it myself. I'd rather struggle a bit, but be independent.

A gentleman is someone who supports and encourages, yes, definitely. But it's also someone who respects the other person's wishes and respects that the other person is an independent and autonomous person. I don't want someone else's idea of chivalry foisted on me

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Someone with manners

Someone who treats people with respect/common decency.

Someone who respects limits and boundaries.

Someone who behaves and in a courteous manner.

Its all bullshit though, a facade to get dicks wet.

Men will say anything if they think it will get them one sliver closer to getting what they want.

I am not a nice person, but I can BS with the best of them and make you believe I am all that and more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can say with confidence, for all his education and standing in society, our PM is not one.

The last politician that screams gentleman would be Barrack Obama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always think a gentleman has an 'old soul' way about them.

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"women dont want a gentleman.

they dont want nice guys.

good guys get friend zoned while the bad boys get the pussy.

Ladies might be tempted to have fun and sex with a "bad boy" but for anything more, we most definitely do want a gentleman.

I wouldn't ever have any sort of relationship with a man who didn't show me respect and treat me well. That doesn't mean buy me gifts...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always think a gentleman has an 'old soul' way about them. "

As opposed to an 'our soul' way about them

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

Firstly if you have to ask then you've not met one yet and I hope you do

Honesty, integrity, respect, manors, decency.

Knowing how to read any situation and act accordingly.

Ray

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

You cant go far wrong if you treat other people the way you would like to be treated your self, a litlle kindness and respect goes a long way ,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we allowed to answer or just men

It’s a big ask.

V x "

I agree with this OP. Read most of the other comments but to me this my opinion of what a Gentlemen is. It sure is a big ask!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good afternoon

This is a thread for the guys, sorry ladies.

During recent times I’ve been disillusioned by certain behaviour of some men.

For research purposes only guys can you please tell me what your definition of a gentleman is?

I’m trying to understand as maybe my expectations of what one is are far too high.

Thank you xx

Bhubaysi "

All the dictionary says is gentleman= polite OP

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I'm not sure a gentleman would define himself, rather have the label used by others about him based on his actions - and that in itself might be quite subjective - yes it probably will come down to various "standards" such as respect and courtesy, manners and decency but it's something more than that too and to an extent may vary from person to person"

Standards is a good word, it's about character. Respectful, courteous, kind, charming and with a high standard in manners, dress and hygiene too lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always think a gentleman has an 'old soul' way about them.

As opposed to an 'our soul' way about them

Im not sure what an our soul is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always think a gentleman has an 'old soul' way about them.

As opposed to an 'our soul' way about them

Im not sure what an our soul is

What about a complete our soul?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always think a gentleman has an 'old soul' way about them.

As opposed to an 'our soul' way about them

Im not sure what an our soul is

What about a complete our soul?

Oh dear I get it now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always think a gentleman has an 'old soul' way about them.

As opposed to an 'our soul' way about them

Im not sure what an our soul is

What about a complete our soul?

Oh dear I get it now

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"women dont want a gentleman.

they dont want nice guys.

good guys get friend zoned while the bad boys get the pussy.

Really?

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"women dont want a gentleman.

they dont want nice guys.

good guys get friend zoned while the bad boys get the pussy.

Strange comment to make and not an answer to my question either.......

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By *ut4fun6969Man
over a year ago

Folkestone

Listens to you and kind hearted.

Encourages you in all aspects and supportive. Doesnt put pressure on you in any situation.

Laughs, Listens, protects.. Not everything is sexual..Stimulate a womans mind and “on the same level” you will get that title of a Gentleman"

You have just described me

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By *ornado69Man
over a year ago

Princess Risborough

Multiple things but with regards to how a gentleman should be with a lady:

Being respectful

Look after her needs first

Open doors

Give flowers without reason

Compliment her when not expected

Pamper her because it feel right

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"women dont want a gentleman.

they dont want nice guys.

good guys get friend zoned while the bad boys get the pussy.

Nice of you to tell every woman what she does and doesn’t want

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"women dont want a gentleman.

they dont want nice guys.

good guys get friend zoned while the bad boys get the pussy.

Nice of you to tell every woman what she does and doesn’t want

His kind of comments are good as we can filter out guys with those ideas and he makes it easier for the other guys too....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Multiple things but with regards to how a gentleman should be with a lady:

Being respectful

Look after her needs first

Open doors

Give flowers without reason

Compliment her when not expected

Pamper her because it feel right

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!! "

I thought it was put the toilet seat up

FML!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Multiple things but with regards to how a gentleman should be with a lady:

Being respectful

Look after her needs first

Open doors

Give flowers without reason

Compliment her when not expected

Pamper her because it feel right

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!!

I thought it was put the toilet seat up

FML!"

Before you go yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Multiple things but with regards to how a gentleman should be with a lady:

Being respectful

Look after her needs first

Open doors

Give flowers without reason

Compliment her when not expected

Pamper her because it feel right

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!!

I thought it was put the toilet seat up

FML!

Before you go yes

My life has been a lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clean, polite, keen to give pleasure to a partner as much as receive it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clean, polite, keen to give pleasure to a partner as much as receive it.

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By *sasimpleMan
over a year ago

D & G

Being the sort of man that would make your mother proud.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Being the sort of man that would make your mother proud."

This exactly...!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good afternoon

This is a thread for the guys, sorry ladies.

During recent times I’ve been disillusioned by certain behaviour of some men.

For research purposes only guys can you please tell me what your definition of a gentleman is?

I’m trying to understand as maybe my expectations of what one is are far too high.

Thank you xx

Bhubaysi "

It’s about opening doors and putting others first being considerate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love classical gentleman. Opening the car door, carrying bags, opening doors, taking charge, walking on the side of the road with traffic.

If a guy isn’t like this it instantly puts me off. Like if I met a guy at a social and he was already there sat at a table and he didn’t stand to greet me it would be a instant turn off

my mamma taught me to expect certain things and hell I expect them. Made the mistake with a bad boy in the past who left me to carry a big wooden frame because he was sulking. Never make that mistake again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all the things we think are honourable and will get us sex! So in definition it cannot exist....

I don't think gent should be used in the context of dating or sexual relations tbh, it's more a compliment one man would pay another to say how he looks up to the behaviour of the other.....

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I (Luke) don't really have a definition of what a gentleman is. Labels can mean different things to different people. I focus on what appropriate behaviour should be. I think that includes respect, politeness, patience and consideration amongst other things. Maybe a gentleman should possess those qualities?

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

A gentleman is someone who does not wipe ones cock on your curtains as he leaves.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"It's all the things we think are honourable and will get us sex! So in definition it cannot exist....

I don't think gent should be used in the context of dating or sexual relations tbh, it's more a compliment one man would pay another to say how he looks up to the behaviour of the other.....

So we are not acceptable or worthy of a gentleman if we are Swingers or wanting sexual relations? Goodness Nippy!

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"A gentleman is someone who does not wipe ones cock on your curtains as he leaves. "

What about wood blinds ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A gentleman is someone who does not wipe ones cock on your curtains as he leaves.

What about wood blinds ? "

Elf and safety would remind sed sir of splinters M’am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can say with confidence, for all his education and standing in society, our PM is not one.

The last politician that screams gentleman would be Barrack Obama."

Amen sister, amen!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A gentleman is a man who can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

I would hope that in the eyes of my family, friends and associates I would be considered a gentleman. To me, being a gentleman encompasses lots of things, like attitude, consideration for others, respect, courtesy, manners and behaving with honour and dignity at all times. It's a style and behaviour that is not limited to dealings with the opposite sex exclusively.

A gentleman walks, but never runs. A gentleman only looks down on you when offering a hand up. A gentleman will never place you in an embarrassing or difficult position. A gentleman will be truthful, without being hurtful, even at their own expense. A gentleman will listen, understand, and respect your position. A gentleman will have your back. A gentleman will support. A gentleman is measured in his response, and thoughtful in his words and actions. A gentleman considers others, and how his actions impact on others. A gentleman respects his own dignity, and the dignity of others.

How well I match these lofty ideals is for those who know me to comment.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Treating others as you would hope to be treated yourself!

That’s it!

That is it....."

I'd go with this

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By *rghYeTimbersMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

Forget it far to few ladies around so bring out the ungentlemanly conduct and take the piss out of the wenches until they get over themselves!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

most of these definitions on here are what you would expect from someone being normal

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Forget it far to few ladies around so bring out the ungentlemanly conduct and take the piss out of the wenches until they get over themselves!"

A good reason for filters........thank you.

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I don’t think it’s creepy to describe yourself as a gentleman. Even if you only aspire to be one calling yourself one with help you affirm and live to a certain standard.

I call myself one because I am often told I am. And I believe it and choose it as my manta for living life. Not blowing a trumpet here, but my verifications are pretty consistent. So why not embrace being a gentleman?

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