FabSwingers.com forum: Being 'Doxed'

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Has anyone had the joy of a friend asking you, "Are you on a swinger site?" Someone on FAB recognised me (in the real world) and decided to ask my friend about me? Not only that, but they asked fairly personal info... sexuality, marital status etc AND gave my friend my username!!!

Is there any sanction that the site admins can take?

If I were to find out what their username is, I assume I can't publicly warn others about their gross indiscretion?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely not allowed naming and shaming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you knew their username you could report them to admit but then it's up to admit what action, if any, to take. You cannot publicly name them on the forum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No you can’t share who it was.

And no, fab can’t do anything? Why would they? What would you expect them to do?

It sucks, and I hate when folk find my profile, ask me about it etc. But it’s up to me to navigate my profile, keep it as private or as open as I like, not fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn't show off your kipper then moan about it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You shouldn't show off your kipper then moan about it "

I'm not moaning about it. I'm not embarrassed, nor shy. It's the point that this site is supposed to operate on a certain level of discretion. Had the guy bothered to contact me via the site, no problem. But he blabs to a mutual friend.

I doubt many members on here would enjoy the thought of a site-member blabbing to their 'vanilla' friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You shouldn't show off your kipper then moan about it

I doubt many members on here would enjoy the thought of a site-member blabbing to their 'vanilla' friends."

If I knew you, I’d recognise you from your profile pic. It’s up to you to be discreet, not the site.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"You shouldn't show off your kipper then moan about it

I doubt many members on here would enjoy the thought of a site-member blabbing to their 'vanilla' friends."

You are being a bit naive if you think anyone who recognises you on here is just going to keep it to themselves. It’s human nature to gossip, and your only defence against it is to be cautious with what you reveal.

Someone who knows you has recognised you, and you’re unhappy with the consequence, so you should really think about changing your pic if you want to avoid similar situations.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I knew you, I’d recognise you from your profile pic. It’s up to you to be discreet, not the site. "

Fair point, well made.

Cheers

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Some people feel that it's their responsibility to carryout such actions where they feel that it's in the interests of the greater good; I know that the government actively encourage 'whistle blowing' as it routes out unacceptable behaviors.

Sometimes the lines can become blurred as to what's is for the greater good and what isn't.

It does seem that some of the people that carry out such actions are the ones that are most outraged when it happens to them.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

You also seem to be naming in your status which isn’t allowed either. Mr.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The person who asked the mutual friend about you has "outed" themselves for being on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You also seem to be naming in your status which isn’t allowed either. Mr. "

No, that's not their name. It's a chain of petrol stations all across NI/Ireland. He works in one of them, so if he peeks at my profile again, he'll know what that status is about.

I agree that 2 wrong won't make a right, and my publicly naming him will get me into more trouble that he's worth.

Same when I found out a married man was shagging my gf. I didn't run to his wife to tell on him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You also seem to be naming in your status which isn’t allowed either. Mr.

No, that's not their name. It's a chain of petrol stations all across NI/Ireland. He works in one of them, so if he peeks at my profile again, he'll know what that status is about.

I agree that 2 wrong won't make a right, and my publicly naming him will get me into more trouble that he's worth.

Same when I found out a married man was shagging my gf. I didn't run to his wife to tell on him. "

Ah, so it’s just threatening, got it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The person who asked the mutual friend about you has "outed" themselves for being on here"

Possibly, but it's more the sneaky way he started asking personal questions, most of which are answered in my profile anyway.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I had this happen. four times (that I know about)

The thing that gets me is (& yes my pics are on here) but if someone joins with the intent of using the site/meeting and are here for the same thing then cool, I welcome them to come chat and will show them the ropes, signpost them to events/socials etc

But in these incidences People That didn’t know me had screenshotted my pics and sent them to friends ‘Look at this fit bird’

One was my cousin, two best friends and sadly, my dad (which my mam intercepted and deleted from his WhatsApp... thank god!)

I think it’s awful behaviour. Along with those that say ‘i know you in real life but I’m not telling you who I am... accept my friend request’ NAH!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ah, so it’s just threatening, got it"

A 'shot across the bows,' as they say. I won't do anything more that that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had this happen. four times (that I know about)"

Holy crap!!! That's awful!

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"I had this happen. four times (that I know about)

But in these incidences People That didn’t know me had screenshotted my pics and sent them to friends ‘Look at this fit bird’

One was my cousin, two best friends and sadly, my dad (which my mam intercepted and deleted from his WhatsApp... thank god!)

I think it’s awful behaviour. Along with those that say ‘i know you in real life but I’m not telling you who I am... accept my friend request’ NAH! "

It is awful behaviour, but unfortunately there are a lot of awful people in the world. Places like Fab will be a magnet for them, in addition to the lovely people we all hope will be here.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Once we put ourselves into the public domain there's nothing really that we can do about it. We have to take the decision on whether we are willing to be viewed publicly, as anyone can join the site.

There is a much broader range of people here than would have been people who attended and were within traditional swinging environments, so that the levels of discretion are now below that of the past.

It's always worth reporting anything to Admin that you are not sure about and are unhappy with. Probably hearsay discussions wouldn't hold much action but that is their decision, based on the circumstances.

Never ever publicly identify anyone on the site, as a shaming action. It us totally forbidden by the site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a Friend did that to me and I found out I would calmly escort them to a private place and .....

Use your imagination

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would not care a jot to be honest

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