FabSwingers.com forum: Fab effect on mental health

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Since being on fab I've often wondered how this place effects people mental health - not only negatively but positively too. (Im focusing on the online rather than the actual meeting parts when possible)

Does it give lonely people company?

Does it give unconfident people confidence?

Do people get a lift from attention

Etc etc

Obviously there is the flip side where it has a negative effect and we often see people take time outs and disappear.

So do you think Fab, or any other online dating site, has a big effect on our moods and positive/negative aspects in our life? Do you thrive on Fab and find yourself disappointed if you dont have X fabs, views or messages?

Just a general discussion point im interested in and others view interest me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it has more of a positive effect for me (there have been some negatives but the pros outweigh the cons).

The forums cheer me up and give me a right laugh most days, somewhere to escape to, write stuff down, interact with some lovely people, get a confidence boost.

I would say I'm thriving and I don't worry that I don't get loads of fabs, winks or messages.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Its a valid form of escapism for a lot of people who have shitty lives, some you may chat to daily and have no idea what goes on behind closed doors when they log off fab.

Its opened my eyes to the variety of people on here just by attending socials in real life and made some good friends

I have fab breaks when real life needs my full attention, otherwise to me its all just a lot of fun

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Since being on fab I've often wondered how this place effects people mental health - not only negatively but positively too. (Im focusing on the online rather than the actual meeting parts when possible)

Does it give lonely people company?

Does it give unconfident people confidence?

Do people get a lift from attention

Etc etc

Obviously there is the flip side where it has a negative effect and we often see people take time outs and disappear.

Just a general discussion point im interested in and others view interest me.

I think fab can give lonely people an opportunity to interact with others which can be both positive and negative. I've seen the massive effect fab can have on moods - people can place a lot of emphasis on interactions on here (not casting aspersions here as to whether rightly or wrongly) and if it doesn't go to plan, there's the clear sulking etc etc. As far as receiving x amount of attention as an overall thing, I'm not too bothered any more. I'm very happy and lucky in my relationships and this is just a fun thing I can dip in and out of. Even my fora posting has waned in recent times (because I do believe that posting on here is a form of attention seeking) as I find myself in a better place mentally and emotionally and no longer needing fab as such.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I do think this site in particular has a tendency to make me cynical, so I step away for a few days at times. The compliments can be so ridiculous that it's difficult to take even a heartfelt one at face value. I do have to watch myself that I don't start to get too jaded.

I have had some very bleak and quite miserable times during lockdown, but that is probably when I pulled away from here most. I don't have the knack of making friends on this site the way I do elsewhere, so I tend to turn to those places where I fit in a little better when I'm looking for friendship or support, or even attention (though I'd probably go to a bar with a fuck-tonne of cleavage on show if I was in need of attention!).

I come to the forum when I want to read something lighthearted. It sometimes makes me smile or makes me laugh, but I try my hardest not to make it any more important to me than that. I certainly don't look for any sort of validation on here. O, that way madness lies.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

I have various mental health issues which have made me isolate myself from all family & friends, so I am lonely, coming onto the fab forums is the only contact I have with other people, I don't seek attention but if I get any I appreciate it, It doesn't boost my confidence or self-esteem, but it does give me a sense of normality knowing others are having some of the same difficulties that I have, it's somewhere I feel safe if I share my thoughts or experiences, there are some lovely supportive people on here & for me it's therapy, and a diversion from my usual thoughts with the various thread subjects & usually I see a comment or two that make me smile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think depends on how i react to things

online websites can leave one open to comment and abuse from others but also friendly chat and advice

if was purely worried about my lack of success with meets (before lockdown) i would have left ages ago

sometimes its nice to have a place to rant or connect with others even if on silly subjects

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The more you depend on it, the more negative influence it could be I noticed. I guess it's about finding healthy balance in individual circumstances.

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By *ushmeCouple
over a year ago

Melton Mowbray

Couldn't agree more hun xx

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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago

Southampton

It helps me until people here treat you like dirt, then you wonder why you bother. Fab is one of my escapism places to go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always think to myself "if it's not there before you come to fab and after you log off, then it's not real!". I think fab can give a skewed perspective of both desirability and undesirability.... ....and that can be a mindfuck and quite addictive if you fail the recognise it.

I woke up a middle aged average man today, I have a good bum pic on fab, some fit women want to shag me, some forumites like me and some don't. I'm here for me and for fun, obviously, so that's how it should be, before I arrive, while I'm here and when I leave....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people maybe suprised how much of a good effect it has and in so many ways. I remember a long while back I put a thread up.." tell me a joke..my mental health biting my ass".I think I got about 120 jokes alone but also got pms and posts. I dont have many friends, just my gf, but on here I ve had great chats about alsorts of things. When I was homeless it was contact with the world when I could get a signal. I isolated from the real world to overcome my major issues.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

It can be a great healer or absolute toxicity depending on the issue you may be having.

I have trust issues, they get massively magnified here.

I also get anxiety about humanity in general, the snidey side, the selfish side, the fact people will crush others in some sort of power trip.

But..

I have people here who have, without doubt helped me cope with times where I've, I'll say it - wanted to not wake.

During my times of darkness I don't really look at messages too much because the major content really is proof that to most, you're a vagina, a tool. Most don't care that you're having a tough time and some will even attempt to use that to their advantage.

One thing I have learnt tho, is I'm special and those who DO behave in the sly, snidey snakey ways, well ..... they too have issues, they've just not been brave enough to look in the mirror yet, but their day will come.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab for me is to compliment my life, not become it. I like the forums as I’m a social person and it’s a great way to interact with new people.

I haven’t been able to meet new people as much as I normally would this year (the same for all of us) so I’ve chatted to more people than I usually would. For that, I would say Fab has had a positive impact on me. I take a lot of breaks from it, the same as if there wasn’t a pandemic I would take a break from going out a lot just to chill out and recharge.

I’m in a really lucky position where I have a fantastic support network around me in my day to day life, I know that not everyone can say the same so it’s going to mean something more for others than it does me.

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

"It can be a great healer or absolute toxicity depending on the issue you may be having.

I have trust issues, they get massively magnified here.

I also get anxiety about humanity in general, the snidey side, the selfish side, the fact people will crush others in some sort of power trip.

But..

I have people here who have, without doubt helped me cope with times where I've, I'll say it - wanted to not wake.

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By *ickdasterdly51Man
over a year ago

Lingfield

The fantasy of it is nice believing that there are couples out there who want to be friends and hook up and I suppose that what keeps me going, particularly as there is a regular turnover of new members. The downside is putting effort into it and being ignored. Despite wanting to be friendly to everyone there are very few people who reciprocate even if it's just for a chat. Still, there is always the delete button and save myself a fiver a month! My choice so I can't complain.

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

For me it has positive and negative effects, both online and in person.

The positives - after 12 years without sex while in a relationship, the constant rejection had taken a huge toll on my confidence and left me feeling ugly and revolting, and also like I was some kind of freak for wanting sex. Fab and the people I’ve met have helped me to see that I’m not as unattractive as I thought, and also not a weirdo for wanting sex. In a way it’s shown me there’s actually nothing wrong with me. Another positive has been exploring my desires and finally getting to know my sexuality better. And I’ve made some amazing friends.

The negatives - the abuse, sometimes for rejecting someone, other times just because they didn’t like your profile or something. The threats. The sometimes genuinely terrifying “fantasies” some men think it’s ok to send you in an opening message - some of those have kept me awake at night. Then there’s the feelings of worthlessness after a meet goes badly.

So yeah, it’s swings and roundabouts I guess. Some good, some bad, but the good has been good enough to keep me here.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

FAB got me a weekend wife. So that relaunched my sex life and got me off sertraline and later on citalopram. Seeing as celibacy has no positive effect, I can honestly say it's good for my mental health.

It's a pity that healthcare professionals don't want to talk about sex other than something to get babies from and some nasty infections. It's a much, much more than that.

Imagine having this sort of chat at the GP surgery

"Depressed?"

"Yes"

"Is it down to not having a sex life?"

"Erm, yeah.."

"You should take up swinging and find a willing partner or two."

...later on...

"Done that, I won't be needing the happy pills any more"

"That's great to hear."

"That's not what her neighbours think!"

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

[Removed by poster at 09/09/20 18:36:53]

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

I'd say overall its been a negative experience. My views have changed not for the better either which is somewhat unfortunate.

Im not as self confident as I was in real life anymore due to many factors come about from here which I wouldnt air on a forum thats for sure.

My trust in peoples intent I very much question now where as before I believed and trusted peoples word not anymore.

I dont like the way people treat one another ( actions speak louder than word's) Ive found words to be extremely holo on here.

I'm not even sure I'd probably find it difficult to believe or trust a guy now after what I've seen on here with the amount of married and attached men/women,

So much deceitfulness.

I'm just an average woman who stays very grounded doesn't take anything on here very seriously anymore and spends less and less time online.

There are also some wonderful people on here Im sure.

Happy fabbing

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"For me it has positive and negative effects, both online and in person.

So yeah, it’s swings and roundabouts I guess. Some good, some bad, but the good has been good enough to keep me here."

Thats something I've never experienced on here is any abuse so it just does to show how different each of our experiences are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think being a single M on here unless you're an actual adonis can make you feel like a ghost which can make you feel pretty low

Other days though can make you feel like a rockstar so it's swings n roundabouts. Everyone's mileage varies

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Personally I think it's not good for you to take it too seriously. People are fickle and if you rely on the attention for a self esteem boost then you'll soon find yourself back in a slump when you're no longer the flavour of the month. There's also always people who seem to go out of their way to bring you down if they think you're getting too much positive attention.

I did however find this place really helpful during lockdown especially. I went a bit stir crazy and it was nice to have an outlet for the naughtiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like using the forum, but I use it pretty superficially, I don't really invest a lot of myself on here. Lana might flash some boobs and mess around on daft threads, but I try not to go much deeper than that online, so I'm not really up nor down with any compliments or insults that come my way usually (some have temporarily upset me or given me a wee boost for real). The fact no-one needs me for anything on here is good escapism, I can just dip in and out and have fun.

Everyone I've actually met up with through Fab though has had a positive effect on my confidence over the last few years, and the real life me has benefitted from that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"FAB got me a weekend wife. So that relaunched my sex life and got me off sertraline and later on citalopram. Seeing as celibacy has no positive effect, I can honestly say it's good for my mental health.

It's a pity that healthcare professionals don't want to talk about sex other than something to get babies from and some nasty infections. It's a much, much more than that.

Imagine having this sort of chat at the GP surgery

"Depressed?"

"Yes"

"Is it down to not having a sex life?"

"Erm, yeah.."

"You should take up swinging and find a willing partner or two."

...later on...

"Done that, I won't be needing the happy pills any more"

"That's great to hear."

"That's not what her neighbours think!"

Very funny!

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