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Job Interview

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By *am4you OP   Man
over a year ago

gillingham

Had an interview with a lady yesterday and she happens to be someone I know in the swinging world and we have “played” together few times.

The dilemma is this, I don’t mix work with pleasure and having her on board as part of the team will mean crossing the line!

She is one of the 3 best candidates we are considering.

What will you do if you are in this situation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think it’s anymore ethical to NOT give someone the job because you have a personal relationship than it is to GIVE them the job because you have a personal relationship.

She shouldn’t be penalised if she’s the more suitable candidate.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I wouldnt let that influence me tbh.

If she is the best candidate for the role. Dont play with her again if you want to maintain your working relationship.

MsD

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield


"I wouldnt let that influence me tbh.

If she is the best candidate for the role. Dont play with her again if you want to maintain your working relationship.

MsD"

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Did you know who she was before or when she applied for the position?

Presumably she recognised you too?

Will she work directly with you? Or were you just a peripheral part of the interview process?

If she's likely to be working directly with you then treading carefully is the right way to go, and whilst I'm not sure you can be held to account for discriminating based on past sexual encounters there is that to consider too, as you really should base any decision on the best person for the job and not that, but do understand the dilemma.

If however you were just a peripheral part of the interview process and she's likely to be working in another part of the office/business then it puts a slightly different angle on things.

A dilemma for sure though

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

As others have said just remove that from the equation when deciding. Advisable not to go there again if you do employ her though. If it’s a joiner decision let yourself be led by other’s choice if you are finding it difficult.

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

If she is the best candidate, then your company will benefit from her appointment; as will she from getting the job.

Put the past behind you (both of you); I am sure you can both separate sex / swinging and your work life.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Had an interview with a lady yesterday and she happens to be someone I know in the swinging world and we have “played” together few times.

The dilemma is this, I don’t mix work with pleasure and having her on board as part of the team will mean crossing the line!

She is one of the 3 best candidates we are considering.

What will you do if you are in this situation?"

It’s not a good idea to set her on. It’s mixing work and pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d remove myself from the decision making team on the hire. The fact that you feel compromised is enough professional reason to take a step back.

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By *am4you OP   Man
over a year ago

gillingham


"Did you know who she was before or when she applied for the position?

Presumably she recognised you too?

Will she work directly with you? Or were you just a peripheral part of the interview process?

If she's likely to be working directly with you then treading carefully is the right way to go, and whilst I'm not sure you can be held to account for discriminating based on past sexual encounters there is that to consider too, as you really should base any decision on the best person for the job and not that, but do understand the dilemma.

If however you were just a peripheral part of the interview process and she's likely to be working in another part of the office/business then it puts a slightly different angle on things.

A dilemma for sure though "

She will be working with me directly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the important question is: will she be working under you?

(Sorry, couldn't resist that haha)

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Did you know who she was before or when she applied for the position?

Presumably she recognised you too?

Will she work directly with you? Or were you just a peripheral part of the interview process?

If she's likely to be working directly with you then treading carefully is the right way to go, and whilst I'm not sure you can be held to account for discriminating based on past sexual encounters there is that to consider too, as you really should base any decision on the best person for the job and not that, but do understand the dilemma.

If however you were just a peripheral part of the interview process and she's likely to be working in another part of the office/business then it puts a slightly different angle on things.

A dilemma for sure though

She will be working with me directly "

Then I think as others have said you need to remove yourself from the decision making process for the role and if she does get the job agree professional distance and respect are paramount.

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By *am4you OP   Man
over a year ago

gillingham


"Did you know who she was before or when she applied for the position?

Presumably she recognised you too?

Will she work directly with you? Or were you just a peripheral part of the interview process?

If she's likely to be working directly with you then treading carefully is the right way to go, and whilst I'm not sure you can be held to account for discriminating based on past sexual encounters there is that to consider too, as you really should base any decision on the best person for the job and not that, but do understand the dilemma.

If however you were just a peripheral part of the interview process and she's likely to be working in another part of the office/business then it puts a slightly different angle on things.

A dilemma for sure though

She will be working with me directly

Then I think as others have said you need to remove yourself from the decision making process for the role and if she does get the job agree professional distance and respect are paramount."

I have spoken to the other guys in the interview panel that I don’t want to be part of the final process but didn’t tell them the exact reason.

If she is lucky to be the one, then I will have to draw a line on our social history and be professional all the way. I just hope I have the strength and discipline to do it though.

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By *am4you OP   Man
over a year ago

gillingham


"I’d remove myself from the decision making team on the hire. The fact that you feel compromised is enough professional reason to take a step back. "

I have done so now

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I've been in this situation. I explained to HR that I knew the guy outside work (though I didn't say how) and they had someone else interview him.

As it happened he was the best candidate and he got hired. It put an end to our meets but he was a great asset to the team.

Neither of us were cheating or were doing anything underhand, and although neither were keen on open discussion of our sex lives while in work it wouldn't have mattered a great deal had he told everyone; I'd already let it be known that there was an outside relationship.

It's as awkward as you allow it to be. We were both adults about it, and although I changed jobs relatively quickly we could've worked together longer without issue.

I do wonder how it would work if one of you wasn't quite as adult as we were and the first time you had a disagreement in work all the details of your sex life "accidentally" come out. Always better to get in front of the situation by declaring a conflict of interest up-front I think.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Did you know who she was before or when she applied for the position?

Presumably she recognised you too?

Will she work directly with you? Or were you just a peripheral part of the interview process?

If she's likely to be working directly with you then treading carefully is the right way to go, and whilst I'm not sure you can be held to account for discriminating based on past sexual encounters there is that to consider too, as you really should base any decision on the best person for the job and not that, but do understand the dilemma.

If however you were just a peripheral part of the interview process and she's likely to be working in another part of the office/business then it puts a slightly different angle on things.

A dilemma for sure though

She will be working with me directly

Then I think as others have said you need to remove yourself from the decision making process for the role and if she does get the job agree professional distance and respect are paramount.

I have spoken to the other guys in the interview panel that I don’t want to be part of the final process but didn’t tell them the exact reason.

If she is lucky to be the one, then I will have to draw a line on our social history and be professional all the way. I just hope I have the strength and discipline to do it though.

"

I'm sure you will be OK, just maintain that line and don't cross it. X

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By *am4you OP   Man
over a year ago

gillingham


"I've been in this situation. I explained to HR that I knew the guy outside work (though I didn't say how) and they had someone else interview him.

As it happened he was the best candidate and he got hired. It put an end to our meets but he was a great asset to the team.

Neither of us were cheating or were doing anything underhand, and although neither were keen on open discussion of our sex lives while in work it wouldn't have mattered a great deal had he told everyone; I'd already let it be known that there was an outside relationship.

It's as awkward as you allow it to be. We were both adults about it, and although I changed jobs relatively quickly we could've worked together longer without issue.

I do wonder how it would work if one of you wasn't quite as adult as we were and the first time you had a disagreement in work all the details of your sex life "accidentally" come out. Always better to get in front of the situation by declaring a conflict of interest up-front I think."

Exactly my fear if we have issues working together and she decides to be awkward or worst case scenario make up a sexual claim of some sort! Although, I don’t think that will happen but one can never say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where I work, if I knew the person I was interviewing it would have to be declared as soon as it became apparent. It's in our code of conduct which is part of my contract and I could get sacked for it. If I did tell my superiors then I have no doubt they'd exclude her from the process. Swinging and work don't generally mix so if I was responsible for hiring and decided not to make my superiors aware (because quite frankly, who wants to tell their boss they swing!) then I'd probably choose someone else for the sake of the harmony of my team and the potential shitstorm and/or bribery that could occur if it remained a secret and then something happened or there was a falling out and it came to light that we knew each other in the swinging world and that I'd not declared it. Tbh I'd feel the same if I was the interviewee, I wouldn't want to work in a new job with that on my shoulders and I'd probably extract myself from the process and find another role with less potential drama....

Good luck OP!

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By *anshee99Woman
over a year ago

all over

its wrong to let it influence your decision but there's no way I'd take her on...

She has too much dirt on you, too much ammo if she chose to use it.

If shes not the best candidate by a clear mile then its easily avoided

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

keep everything work related.

never ever bring up private life.

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By *am4you OP   Man
over a year ago

gillingham

The guys in charge now will make their final decision on Friday I will keep you all posted of the outcome.

Really appreciate everyone input.

One love

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By *am4you OP   Man
over a year ago

gillingham

Hello all contributors

Here is the update ......

After taken myself out of the interview process and letting others deal with it, the lady in question was offered the position but fortunately she later declined the offer “ due to personal reasons”

phew

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can shag her now, innit....

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