FabSwingers.com forum: Abusive ex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does anyone have experience of being hounded by a lunatic ex partner that has stopped them seeing the kids. At my wits end!!!!

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By *edhead72Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham and Ashby

Yes. For me it was about leverage, using the kids to upset and hurt me.

Stay calm

be rational

Set up mediation

Just respond to questions don’t get drawn into the drama

Learn about narcissism

It helped me. Best of luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes OP... can't PM you directly but message me.

We need to have a chat.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Yes.

Ended up having to take her to court so I could see my kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have experience of being hounded by a lunatic ex partner that has stopped them seeing the kids. At my wits end!!!!"

No can’t say we have but best of luck moving forward with your problem.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s a tough one , generally always try to sort things out without legal etc and use as last resort but if kids or violence involved I’d be inclined to hand it over. I dealt with psych exes a long time ago , they do mellow but it can take years and when they are raw can be unpredictable and dangerous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hate this that people aren’t willing to put their kids first. All I can say as I have had a mentally abusive ex I’d be civil kill with kindness. Also the best piece of advise I got was don’t delete any text at all it might be nice or horrible but it’s all evidence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im very sorry you are going through it.

i cannot help all i can offer you is words of support and comfort.

i hope you get things sorted and can have piece of mind and some rest as im sure you must be shattered.

take care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, be careful what you do so not to give them anything to use against you and keep calm, remember it’s the kids that are important, not the adults feelings, good luck op, big hugs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for all your kind words.

I can't win , everything I do or don't do is wrong. She asks to have the kids on her Weekend then slates me for not having that weekend, I've settled on a Court action as I've run out of money.

Sorry for the depressing post but I don't know what else to do . This has lasted for about 14 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for all your kind words.

I can't win , everything I do or don't do is wrong. She asks to have the kids on her Weekend then slates me for not having that weekend, I've settled on a Court action as I've run out of money.

Sorry for the depressing post but I don't know what else to do . This has lasted for about 14 years "

You’ll need to do meditation before any court action.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for all your kind words.

I can't win , everything I do or don't do is wrong. She asks to have the kids on her Weekend then slates me for not having that weekend, I've settled on a Court action as I've run out of money.

Sorry for the depressing post but I don't know what else to do . This has lasted for about 14 years "

Do they live with their mum and visit you at weekends? What do you mean she slates you for not having that weekend?

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By *rambuie100Man
over a year ago

essex/suffolk border

No need to apologise OP.. it is a shite situation to be in, so vent away .. i can understand

My ex got with a violent prick, my son was terrified. Refused to take him home. Took to court. Interim order was 3 nights with me, its still ongoing due to Lockdown staeting on the court date.

She falsely accused me of kiddy fiddling the girks.. fucking sick bitch. That was a pleasant interview with police. To be honest, it broke me !! Girls did rubbish those accusations. I was literally sick over them. She’s tried to get me evicted too.

Its cost me my job, financially fucked me but my little man is so much happier now.

Keep up the fight fella. Speak to CAB

Its great to hear that another dad is fighting too. To many waste of space, sperm donors out there.

Wishing you all the best OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have experience of being hounded by a lunatic ex partner that has stopped them seeing the kids. At my wits end!!!!"

Mine was mentally abusive and an alcoholic turned up at my door late at night had to get police involved and an injunction against him report it to police if he is harassing you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’ll need to do meditation before any court action."

Eh, you don't. A major point to note is that you can only mediate / negotiate with a reasonable person. Often in these cases, one side is neither.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ts great to hear that another dad is fighting too. To many waste of space, sperm donors out there. "

Not only do some of us fight, but some even win. Toughest thing I've ever done in my life, took years and cost a fortune, but allowed me to make my kids lives the best it could be. I have no regrets about doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’ll need to do meditation before any court action.

Eh, you don't. A major point to note is that you can only mediate / negotiate with a reasonable person. Often in these cases, one side is neither."

It's always good to try though. I booked mediation and did my part by speaking to them but she refused and never answered calls emails etc from them. This went in my favour when it got to court and I ended up with full custody.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’ll need to do meditation before any court action.

Eh, you don't. A major point to note is that you can only mediate / negotiate with a reasonable person. Often in these cases, one side is neither."

Er, you do. You either claim exemption on certain grounds or you get someone from MIAM to sign the exemption certificate. The forms from the court say you need to attempt mediation first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’ll need to do meditation before any court action.

Eh, you don't. A major point to note is that you can only mediate / negotiate with a reasonable person. Often in these cases, one side is neither.

Er, you do. You either claim exemption on certain grounds or you get someone from MIAM to sign the exemption certificate. The forms from the court say you need to attempt mediation first."

Exemption... so you don't have to. I've been there. I know how it works.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’ll need to do meditation before any court action.

Eh, you don't. A major point to note is that you can only mediate / negotiate with a reasonable person. Often in these cases, one side is neither.

Er, you do. You either claim exemption on certain grounds or you get someone from MIAM to sign the exemption certificate. The forms from the court say you need to attempt mediation first.

Exemption... so you don't have to. I've been there. I know how it works."

IMPORTANT information about your case Please read before completing your application

The law has changed, and you are now legally required to consider mediation before applying to the family court to resolve a dispute about your children or finances.

From the C100 form.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The law has changed, and you are now legally required to consider mediation before applying to the family court to resolve a dispute about your children or finances.

From the C100 form.

Legally required to CONSIDER mediation. You are not legally required to do mediation. There is a huge difference.

Judge; Have you considered mediation?

Plaintif: Yes Your Honour, but it was pulled out as the defendant is a violent psychopath .

Judge; Carrry on with the case...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The law has changed, and you are now legally required to consider mediation before applying to the family court to resolve a dispute about your children or finances.

From the C100 form.

Legally required to CONSIDER mediation. You are not legally required to do mediation. There is a huge difference.

Judge; Have you considered mediation?

Plaintif: Yes Your Honour, but it was pulled out as the defendant is a violent psychopath .

Judge; Carrry on with the case..."

In special circumstances, you can be exempt but a Judge will want to see evidence of this before the C100 is even issued, let alone have a hearing.

I know how it works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In special circumstances, you can be exempt but a Judge will want to see evidence of this before the C100 is even issued, let alone have a hearing.

I know how it works

In my experience, a statement was sufficient...

The case went ahead, during which all the evidence of her behaviour was proven, but my point was that while mediation had to be CONSIDERED, it was possible to go ahead after CONSIDERING it for a nano second as a non-starter.

In saying that, if you can arrive at a point where you can negotiate and mediate then that's always worth a try, but it's not always possible. And it doesn't even have to be attempted.

Might be more appropriate to continue this via PM...

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

Keep all messages & a diary.

I’ve seen this too many times.

As a mother I could never stop my kids seeing their dad unless he posed a risk to them.

Good luck

J x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have experience of being hounded by a lunatic ex partner that has stopped them seeing the kids. At my wits end!!!!"

Wishing you all peace, happiness and resolution

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I was with my ex for 11 years we had our daughter lasted 1yr 4m & he made my life a misery for 2 years. I never used my daughter as a weapon never stopped him from seeing her. Unknown to me when he was getting her he was leaving her with his mum and going out. He's a vile person but still my daughters daddy. I personally don't have any dealings with him do it through his mum. It's not fair to use kids as weapons it'll backfire. So not all women are the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not fair to use kids as weapons it'll backfire. So not all women are the same "

My ex did that... weaponised them, and tried to use them against me, and then tried a bit of black mail.

Now, she has no access to the kids, lost her house, job and career, but did gain a criminal record. Not all fathers are arseholes, and not all mothers are saints.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

. Not all fathers are arseholes, and not all mothers are saints

Absolutely agree with this

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

No matter what goes on between the adults the children aren’t the pawns in that, keep them out of it for the kids sake.

Good luck OP I hope you get a reasonable outcome, it’s a long road ahead

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

There are no winners in these situations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not fair to use kids as weapons it'll backfire. So not all women are the same

My ex did that... weaponised them, and tried to use them against me, and then tried a bit of black mail.

Now, she has no access to the kids, lost her house, job and career, but did gain a criminal record. Not all fathers are arseholes, and not all mothers are saints."
I agree with you some women are horrible!!! I never once stopped access but he still took me to court just to hurt me knowing I'd stress plus he hot it free I didn't. He didn't turn up for 3 court appearances judge awarded 1hr a week.He gets more coz of his mum. Tbh it's her that gets her i don't think he's that bothered coz when he does get her he plays the xbox.

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I haven't read all the replies, so sorry if this is repetition .

Sounds like there are two different issues.

Harassment and refusal to allow you to see the children.

Unfortunately, there is no easy solution.

You can take court action to gain access but this will likely be expensive and drawn out.

If your ex is being abusive and harassing you, that is a crime and should be reported to the police.

It will also class as domestic abuse, so I would reccomend that you speak to Refuge or a similar organisation. You may be eligible for legal aid to help you.

We had problems with my husbands ex for many years. It's not an easy situation, I feel for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all again for your kind words. When I posted this subject I was feeling very low, and absolutely exhausted. Being a guy and being bullied by a woman( not meaning to be sexist) is very difficult, especially as it only seems to get worse as time goes by.

With all the kind words and support from you guys and girls you've help me through a tough week. Many thanks

( please excuse my spelling)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being a guy and being bullied by a woman( not meaning to be sexist) is very difficult, especially as it only seems to get worse as time goes by."

I've been there OP. She was a violent bully, and the things she got away with would have put me in prison. Society is very quick when domestic abuse is mentioned to assume men are the perpetrators (majority of cases they are) but not so quick to jump to our defence when we are on the receiving end.

In short, she tried to destroy my life, and my life with my children. Through court action, resilience, staying on the right side of the law, and support from friends and family I fought back, and the only life she destroyed was her own. Family court is expensive, injunctions and non-mol orders can be free. There is a way out, but its hard for a man in the situation than a woman.

Be your best self OP, stay on the right side of the law, and keep fighting for your kids!

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