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Advice on how to Introduce new gf to swinging

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth

I have a new gf, but want to know how I can slowly and gently bring up the subject of swinging. Advice please.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Try watching that documentaries about swinging on Channel 4 and check her reaction..

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"Try watching that documentaries about swinging on Channel 4 and check her reaction.. "

That's a good idea thankyou

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

If it is extremely important to you and you have made a lifestyle choice you should just let her know that’s the kinda guy you are.

If it’s not important to you then I would probably focus on the early stages of your relationship and getting to know each other before introducing others and therefore it’s not an issue, you may find you are going to leave it behind.

If swinging is an integral part of your happiness then you need to let your partner know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it is extremely important to you and you have made a lifestyle choice you should just let her know that’s the kinda guy you are.

If it’s not important to you then I would probably focus on the early stages of your relationship and getting to know each other before introducing others and therefore it’s not an issue, you may find you are going to leave it behind.

If swinging is an integral part of your happiness then you need to let your partner know "

Excellent advice

Her x

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"If it is extremely important to you and you have made a lifestyle choice you should just let her know that’s the kinda guy you are.

If it’s not important to you then I would probably focus on the early stages of your relationship and getting to know each other before introducing others and therefore it’s not an issue, you may find you are going to leave it behind.

If swinging is an integral part of your happiness then you need to let your partner know "

Thankyou ever so much. Great advice.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

How well do you know your new partner? What do you think her reaction would be?

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"How well do you know your new partner? What do you think her reaction would be?"

Thanks for your message. Known her for a few years, been together just over a year. How she would react, I don't know. I'm worried if I bring the subject up, and shes not interested, it may make her feel shes not good enough in bed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At your time of life I think I wouldn’t be inclined to rock the boat with a new relationship but then I’m not well spoken.

Best of luck op.

T

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"How well do you know your new partner? What do you think her reaction would be?

Thanks for your message. Known her for a few years, been together just over a year. How she would react, I don't know. I'm worried if I bring the subject up, and shes not interested, it may make her feel shes not good enough in bed."

Yes, that's always a risk.

My advice (which isn't worth much because I don't know either of you) is to talk honestly to her. Have your motives and desires clear in your own mind and answer any questions and concerns honestly, don't say what you think will further your cause or what you think she wants hear.

If she refuses to entertain the idea how will you feel?

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

I would be more bothered at the fact you have been on here over a year snd kept it from her for a year!!

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"How well do you know your new partner? What do you think her reaction would be?

Thanks for your message. Known her for a few years, been together just over a year. How she would react, I don't know. I'm worried if I bring the subject up, and shes not interested, it may make her feel shes not good enough in bed.

Yes, that's always a risk.

My advice (which isn't worth much because I don't know either of you) is to talk honestly to her. Have your motives and desires clear in your own mind and answer any questions and concerns honestly, don't say what you think will further your cause or what you think she wants hear.

If she refuses to entertain the idea how will you feel?"

Thank you, good advice. I'll err on the side of caution. As I don't want to lose her over this.

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"I would be more bothered at the fact you have been on here over a year snd kept it from her for a year!! "

Not been active over the last year, no verications.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Suggest watching porn. Go ‘ooh swinger/‘wife swap porn.... you ever fancied that?’

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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

When we were new together, I used to start touching her in bed, whispering things I wanted to do with her while playing with her to make her cum, it led to some stories that started let me make up a situation to see if it turns you on,... (such as) imagine we are walking through the woods just as the sun is setting, we stop at a fallen log kissing and touching, you stand me up facing you, getting my cock out to suck, after a few minutes you see a young guy behind a nearby tree, obviously wanking, you get nervous and move to stop, but I just call him over and tell him if you are going to wank about her it's only polite to let her see, he agrees .... anyway you get the idea, if she gets suddenly wetter or cant help cumming, it's one of her fantasies, and suggesting doing it for real wont come as a surprise, you can slowly try different ideas, and as long as your fingers are in her pussy you will find out the truth.

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"When we were new together, I used to start touching her in bed, whispering things I wanted to do with her while playing with her to make her cum, it led to some stories that started let me make up a situation to see if it turns you on,... (such as) imagine we are walking through the woods just as the sun is setting, we stop at a fallen log kissing and touching, you stand me up facing you, getting my cock out to suck, after a few minutes you see a young guy behind a nearby tree, obviously wanking, you get nervous and move to stop, but I just call him over and tell him if you are going to wank about her it's only polite to let her see, he agrees .... anyway you get the idea, if she gets suddenly wetter or cant help cumming, it's one of her fantasies, and suggesting doing it for real wont come as a surprise, you can slowly try different ideas, and as long as your fingers are in her pussy you will find out the truth. "

That's very interesting, thank you

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"Suggest watching porn. Go ‘ooh swinger/‘wife swap porn.... you ever fancied that?’ "

Thank you

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Open and honest communication (and that means both speaking *and* listening - something often missed) is key.

Whilst bringing it up during sex in a dirty/fantasy talk way is a way of introducing it to conversation, I'd suggest it's not the best way, as we often say things in the heat of the moment that we may not mean in the cold light of day - so bring it up then by all means, but follow it up while sharing a cuppa in a "Were you really into the idea of others that we talked about last night?" kind of way, might be the way to go.

Also does she know about your bisexuality/curiosity? Might be something else to discuss while you're at it.

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"Open and honest communication (and that means both speaking *and* listening - something often missed) is key.

Whilst bringing it up during sex in a dirty/fantasy talk way is a way of introducing it to conversation, I'd suggest it's not the best way, as we often say things in the heat of the moment that we may not mean in the cold light of day - so bring it up then by all means, but follow it up while sharing a cuppa in a "Were you really into the idea of others that we talked about last night?" kind of way, might be the way to go.

Also does she know about your bisexuality/curiosity? Might be something else to discuss while you're at it."

Thank you. Much to think about there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just tell her. Be honest.

She will either be open to it or not. At least you'll know.

Good luck

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By *ornyhappyCouple
over a year ago

perth


"I would be more bothered at the fact you have been on here over a year snd kept it from her for a year!! "

This was my initial thought also.

Communication is key in any relationship & to me this is a pretty big thing not to have mentioned to her before now.

K

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do talk to her about it, remember you can't put it back in the box. Be prepared for your relationship to be affected if she doesn't like the idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it is extremely important to you and you have made a lifestyle choice you should just let her know that’s the kinda guy you are.

If it’s not important to you then I would probably focus on the early stages of your relationship and getting to know each other before introducing others and therefore it’s not an issue, you may find you are going to leave it behind.

If swinging is an integral part of your happiness then you need to let your partner know "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"If you do talk to her about it, remember you can't put it back in the box. Be prepared for your relationship to be affected if she doesn't like the idea "

I think this is probably the biggest fear most people have when broaching this subject. It's why I think anyone needs to be absolutely clear what their motives are on their own mind but also need to know their partner well enough to know what their likely reaction will be. If your relationship isn't strong enough to withstand one of you suggesting swinging it's probably not strong enough to withstand swinging itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When we were new together, I used to start touching her in bed, whispering things I wanted to do with her while playing with her to make her cum, it led to some stories that started let me make up a situation to see if it turns you on,... (such as) imagine we are walking through the woods just as the sun is setting, we stop at a fallen log kissing and touching, you stand me up facing you, getting my cock out to suck, after a few minutes you see a young guy behind a nearby tree, obviously wanking, you get nervous and move to stop, but I just call him over and tell him if you are going to wank about her it's only polite to let her see, he agrees .... anyway you get the idea, if she gets suddenly wetter or cant help cumming, it's one of her fantasies, and suggesting doing it for real wont come as a surprise, you can slowly try different ideas, and as long as your fingers are in her pussy you will find out the truth. "

Interesting advice but have to say I nearly spat out my coffee laughing.

It threw up loads of images in my mind , your a waiter and you say to your female customer, are you enjoying your meal madam, oh wait just gonna stick my fingers up to see if your getting wet.

In a cinema on a date with a new lady. Do you mind if I stick my fingers up yer fudge so I know if your enjoying the film.

Ahahahahaha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think she should make her own choice without persuasion. My gf used to many years ago, knows I want to but she s lost the confidence. So I don t press or encourage it..that for me, would be wrong. She knows her own mind, who am I to try to change who she is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Open and honest communication (and that means both speaking *and* listening - something often missed) is key.

Whilst bringing it up during sex in a dirty/fantasy talk way is a way of introducing it to conversation, I'd suggest it's not the best way, as we often say things in the heat of the moment that we may not mean in the cold light of day - so bring it up then by all means, but follow it up while sharing a cuppa in a "Were you really into the idea of others that we talked about last night?" kind of way, might be the way to go.

Also does she know about your bisexuality/curiosity? Might be something else to discuss while you're at it."

You sound like a decent guy OP. What would swinging give you that is (if anything) missing from your relationship ?

However you may broach this with your girlfriend, be sure she doesn't feel pressured into going along with it to keep you. You don't sound like the kind of guy that would want to manipulate her ( especially if she has a naturally 'pleasing people mentally'. Certainly don't compromise her by using her reaction to fantasy scenarios as leverage to persuade her.

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Last relationship, I waited until the fourth date, before unfurling my freak flags. I told her, somewhat vaguely, about my previous experiences on fab and other places.

She then told me about her past and it was less vanilla than mine.

We never got round to swinging, but did explore kink together.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Does she know you are on this site and are you trying to meet people from here while you are building your relationship with her?

The thing with us is that I (Luke) had already talked about swinging and non-monogamous relationships months before anything happened between me and Hannah. She knew going into this relationship that it would be unconventional and she had opportunity to decide she was OK with it or not, and we could each decide from there whether we wanted the same thing.

If you are on here for anything other than chatting, you are depriving her of some of that opportunity. My advice is not so much on how you bring it up with her, but to make sure you bring this up with her as a priority or you drop the whole swinging thing and focus on that relationship. Don't do this behind her back until you work out how to have the conversation because that is very unfair on her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would be more bothered at the fact you have been on here over a year snd kept it from her for a year!! "

this will be the hard bit to sell tbh, i would be pissed off if someone had kept that from me, anyway good luck, maybe you can both have some swinging fun together

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"Just tell her. Be honest.

She will either be open to it or not. At least you'll know.

Good luck "

Thankyou.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a new gf, but want to know how I can slowly and gently bring up the subject of swinging. Advice please. "

You have to be honest and ask her. We decided to swing after talking about swinging and we both wanted to do it. X

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"I have a new gf, but want to know how I can slowly and gently bring up the subject of swinging. Advice please.

You have to be honest and ask her. We decided to swing after talking about swinging and we both wanted to do it. X"

Ok ty. Everyone has given such good advice, some quite different, but all very useful.

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"I would be more bothered at the fact you have been on here over a year snd kept it from her for a year!!

this will be the hard bit to sell tbh, i would be pissed off if someone had kept that from me, anyway good luck, maybe you can both have some swinging fun together"

Thankyou

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"Does she know you are on this site and are you trying to meet people from here while you are building your relationship with her?

The thing with us is that I (Luke) had already talked about swinging and non-monogamous relationships months before anything happened between me and Hannah. She knew going into this relationship that it would be unconventional and she had opportunity to decide she was OK with it or not, and we could each decide from there whether we wanted the same thing.

If you are on here for anything other than chatting, you are depriving her of some of that opportunity. My advice is not so much on how you bring it up with her, but to make sure you bring this up with her as a priority or you drop the whole swinging thing and focus on that relationship. Don't do this behind her back until you work out how to have the conversation because that is very unfair on her. "

Thank you, good advice.

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"Last relationship, I waited until the fourth date, before unfurling my freak flags. I told her, somewhat vaguely, about my previous experiences on fab and other places.

She then told me about her past and it was less vanilla than mine.

We never got round to swinging, but did explore kink together."

Thankyou

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By *uitarman222222 OP   Man
over a year ago

Village near great yarmouth


"Open and honest communication (and that means both speaking *and* listening - something often missed) is key.

Whilst bringing it up during sex in a dirty/fantasy talk way is a way of introducing it to conversation, I'd suggest it's not the best way, as we often say things in the heat of the moment that we may not mean in the cold light of day - so bring it up then by all means, but follow it up while sharing a cuppa in a "Were you really into the idea of others that we talked about last night?" kind of way, might be the way to go.

Also does she know about your bisexuality/curiosity? Might be something else to discuss while you're at it.

You sound like a decent guy OP. What would swinging give you that is (if anything) missing from your relationship ?

However you may broach this with your girlfriend, be sure she doesn't feel pressured into going along with it to keep you. You don't sound like the kind of guy that would want to manipulate her ( especially if she has a naturally 'pleasing people mentally'. Certainly don't compromise her by using her reaction to fantasy scenarios as leverage to persuade her.

"

Thank you. You are right, I would never push or try to persuade her

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