FabSwingers.com forum: Is it wrong to be fully honest with people?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends why you’re being honest with them, and what about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like honesty but as long as it’s appropriate to who you’re speaking with. You can withhold some information and still be honest.

I’m not going to tell my boss that the reason I’m late is because I was getting rogered in the shower and lost track of time..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on the situation. If they ask for your opinion and you're not a massive dick about it then I don't see an issue with being honest. But, if you're just saying how you feel when it doesn't really need to be said and you're being unreasonably rude, then I can see why people might have a problem.

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

No it’s the only way to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on your desire to get what you want if its at any cost then lie if you have more of an ethical mind set be honest.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

Depends on the situation. You can be honest without being brutal, surely? Also, sometimes a wee white lie is best e.g. I was late for work cos traffic was bad, not because I was dicking about on fab...

Mrs TMN x

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Funny that!

I think I am far too honest and it doesn't benefit me. But I can’t help but be truthful. It feels wrong otherwise.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is a time and place for being brutally honest. If someone is asking for your opinion and they have given you permission for you to be honest - why not, ofcourse be constructive

If on the other hand you they are just off loading or venting - then sometimes they don't want your opinion, the juts want someone to listen you - in that case bite your lip, as it could come across as rude.

You just need to be aware of the difference - we call it being emotional aware

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

You can be honest but respectful with it.

Brutal honesty doesn't have to mean unkind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why string someone along.

top business people are ruthless and do not care what anyone else thinks.

and nor should you.

do no tolerate any rude or bad behaviour from anyone even women.

dont let people walk all over you or they will all see your weak and join in. stand your corner, fight back.

fuck em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a difference between honesty and being cruel or being truthful and over sharing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

Did you tell someone you were deeply in love with them after one message ?

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"There is a difference between honesty and being cruel or being truthful and over sharing.

This for me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In life you won't get on with everyone and some will try to manipulate/bully you.

You should never worry about telling someone what you think of them. In the long run your saving dealing with them again.

Of course you should try and get on with people but do not give anyone more than one chance or you leave yourself open to look weak.

Soon as your insulted, bullied or whatever,speak out and be done with them.

Or you'll be angry over it later and when awake thinking about it wishing you had said something.

First reaction is usually correct.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

One person's honesty is another person's insult.

I really dislike it when people say to me

"the truth never hurt anybody" or

"I pride myself on being blunt".

Its just an excuse to be a dick.

Also people need to understand the difference between being honest and expressing an opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always being told I'm intense but I say it how it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm always being told I'm intense but I say it how it is "

How you see it*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm always being told I'm intense but I say it how it is

How you see it* "

How it is, I'm always right

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There's a distinct difference between honesty about self and honesty about others - if it's purely about self then absolute honesty is the way to go.

If it's about others then it needs to be balanced with respect, consideration and awareness of the implications and possible impact - sometimes brutal honesty and opinion is called for, sometimes punches need to be pulled a little and determining between the two is a fine line sometimes. If I am being honest about another, I'll always try and balance it with reasoning and tact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer honesty over bullshit any day so yeah for me !

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"There is a difference between honesty and being cruel or being truthful and over sharing.

This

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

explain your post honest about what

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope...I will always be honest. I spent a lifetime of being my own lie..not knowing who I was because my own brain protected me by keeping secret my childhood...now I live my true self and have no time for secrets or lies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can be honest but respectful with it.

Brutal honesty doesn't have to mean unkind."

I totally agree with this comment, how ever it depends also on your circumstances and a build of trust depending on what it is you are needing to be honest about.

I’d prefer to get to know someone before I let them know every details about me.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I'm brutally honest, but if my opinion is going to hurt someone with no benefit to that person, then I keep my opinions to my self. No need to overshare pain.

I will never lie though, I'd just say I have nothing I want to add to the matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As Jack once said “you can’t handle the truth “

So no !

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

If someone asks me a question, then I will tell them the honest truth, I see very little point in telling lies.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

What's then difference between being honest and being brutally honest.? It's a bit like being pregnant or really really pregnant. Been said already. There's a difference between compassionate caring, aware of the consequences being honest.... And being a dick. Communication is not just about what you say but context and how you say it and why you say it. Being honest is good but so long as it serves you well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fiat driver can't be honest. Do you drive one ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd prefer to be told rather than be left guessing, told but not insulted

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Trouble is brutal honesty is often used as a veil for just being rude and offensive.

If you have the tact to be brutally honest when needed then it's fine. If you're using it as an excuse for just being rude then not so much.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Fiat driver can't be honest. Do you drive one ? "

I bought a Peugeot 309 GL once

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

"Funny that!

I think I am far too honest and it doesn't benefit me. But I can’t help but be truthful. It feels wrong otherwise.

Jo.Xx "
this sounds like me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

Brutally honest, first time we spoke you asked if I had a leg stump

You do make me chuckle! Don't change

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From personal experience people seem to be happier living in their own lie, than accepting the harsh reality.

But if they’re causing no harm to others it themselves, what’s wrong with their lie if it keeps them happy and sane?

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"There's a distinct difference between honesty about self and honesty about others - if it's purely about self then absolute honesty is the way to go.

When it comes to who I am, how I feel, I am absolutely honest.

When it comes to other people I try to be a little more kind. Sometimes that kindness takes the form of absolute honesty, sometimes it requires a bit more fluffiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always am. Maybe a bit too much. Some like it some don’t. Most respect me for it. I know what I want and I don’t like bullshit or bullshitters.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Sometimes its liberating and surprising what can happen if you're honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From personal experience people seem to be happier living in their own lie, than accepting the harsh reality.

But if they’re causing no harm to others it themselves, what’s wrong with their lie if it keeps them happy and sane?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was fully honest with someone I considered a close friend and confidante on here a while ago..... Only for very personal details of my life and my job being fully discussed by him on a chat a few days ago because I stepped away from his advances..... It's knocked the confidence out of me, hence why I block my profile when I'm not online now and I'm cautious who I talk to. I'd say no, don't be fully honest, only say what you don't mind coming out in public

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about just honest, rather than brutally honest? The brutal part seems to be almost like a micro aggression? Think there are ways to be honest and upfront with anyone if a little thought and tact are used, that's not meaning you have to sugar coat anything, sincerity would probably be better received.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

Do you mean honesty about yourself/situation? With you saying intense that's how I read it.

I do think people can overshare and put all their woes on people they meet on here. Everyone's different in the level of serious discussion they're looking for from casual acquaintances, but I admit I find it too intense when people start giving me the whole history of their relationships and all their real life problems etc. Tends to change our dynamic to friends over lovers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

The first person, the most important person to be honest with is yourself. If you cannot be honest with yourself, nobody else stands a chance.

While you provide no context for your question, honesty is the best policy. Lies have a habit of being found out, and require more lies to support their falsehood.

Delivering honesty doesn't have to be done in heartless, cruel manner. But honesty, however delivered, should be delivered free of ambiguity.

There is no doubt that being dishonest on fab will probably get you more of whatever your after. But being honest, will probably give you better quality of whatever your after. I'm quality driven, so like to be 100% honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From personal experience people seem to be happier living in their own lie, than accepting the harsh reality.

But if they’re causing no harm to others it themselves, what’s wrong with their lie if it keeps them happy and sane?"

Quite a lot, actually... and if they came to terms with the lie they keep telling themselves, and accepted, got over, resolved what ever issue they felt the need to lie about, then they would probably go on to be happier, more sane, and a much better version of themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From personal experience people seem to be happier living in their own lie, than accepting the harsh reality.

But if they’re causing no harm to others it themselves, what’s wrong with their lie if it keeps them happy and sane?

It depends on your relationship with the person and how it's affecting you.

You will get no thanks for telling people harsh truths about themselves in your opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You will get no thanks for telling people harsh truths about themselves in your opinion.

Opinions aren't facts, but facts are truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You will get no thanks for telling people harsh truths about themselves in your opinion.

Opinions aren't facts, but facts are truth."

Just because something is true it doesn't mean you should say it.

Would you tell someone they were ugly - even if it was true?

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

No as sometimes it is needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No as sometimes it is needed "

Honesty is the best policy long term.

Brutal honesty? I guess that depends how you interpret that term? Its fine if you have the appropriate vocabulary and emotional intelligence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just because something is true it doesn't mean you should say it.

Would you tell someone they were ugly - even if it was true?"

Referring to another person as "ugly" would be expressing an opinion. I'm sapiosexual, so attraction or otherwise goes beyond the physical presence.

But you raise a great point worthy of example. Somebody may not be your cup of tea, and if it were appropriate to let them know that, then there are ways and means of communicating that fact without being rude, abusive or cruel.

So, approaching somebody in Costa and saying "Excuse me, but you smell like a slurry pit and and hold as much aesthetic appeal as a 1950's holiday camp, and if you were the only other person on earth I still wouldn't choose you to restart the human race." Alternatively, you've been chatting on here, had a social meet, and they are very interested in you... it would be appropriate to let them down, humanly, without leaving them hanging on.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I think those who claim they’re brutally honest often can’t take the same criticism back. You see it all the time on these forums, they say something divisive and immediately complain about free speech etc..when they’re criticised about it.

Nothing wrong with diplomacy and considering another persons feelings, it’s not macho or helpful making someone feel shit about themselves.

But I’m just a wet liberal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think those who claim they’re brutally honest often can’t take the same criticism back. You see it all the time on these forums, they say something divisive and immediately complain about free speech etc..when they’re criticised about it.

Nothing wrong with diplomacy and considering another persons feelings, it’s not macho or helpful making someone feel shit about themselves.

But I’m just a wet liberal

I see your point, but not sure I agree about the criticism back point per se?

Some folk on here do have opposing opinions to the masses, and on occasions they voice them.

Quite often its not met with healthy debate or respect, but rather demeaning comments?

I'm relatively Liberal too but I've learnt one person's entitlement no matter how sacred, invariably affects anothers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fiat driver can't be honest. Do you drive one ?

I bought a Peugeot 309 GL once

bless you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fiat driver can't be honest. Do you drive one ?

I bought a Peugeot 309 GL once

bless you "

Is this a form of confesion? I once drove a mini metro from Swindon to London, and as a challenge didnt use the clutch on the way back. Drove like a vauxhall cavalier.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Nothing wrong with diplomacy and considering another persons feelings, it’s not macho or helpful making someone feel shit about themselves.

But I’m just a wet liberal

I see your point, but not sure I agree about the criticism back point per se?

Some folk on here do have opposing opinions to the masses, and on occasions they voice them.

Quite often its not met with healthy debate or respect, but rather demeaning comments?

I'm relatively Liberal too but I've learnt one person's entitlement no matter how sacred, invariably affects anothers."

Maybe I should stay away from the virus debates

I know what you mean about the demeaning comments though, which are also not helpful trying to get someone to see another person’s perspective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I bought a Peugeot 309 GL once

To be fair, you've got bigger issue than being honest to deal with!

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Honest opinions can be given without having all the correct facts so sometimes saying nothing can be helpful .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty is the best policy it might upset some but at least your conscience is clear even when the truth hurts

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

It isn’t wrong to be honest, it is however wrong to rip their spleen out with your words, I’m an honest person and I would hope I never come across as being cruel or spiteful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty is ALWAYS best.

You won't be right for everyone but you'll waste far less time being upfront!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"No as sometimes it is needed

Honesty is the best policy long term.

Brutal honesty? I guess that depends how you interpret that term? Its fine if you have the appropriate vocabulary and emotional intelligence. "

You can be blunt and honest without being brutal, it all comes down to how well you know someone, their situation and how you deliver it

I’m the blunt one in my group they know they get no fluff from me, I won’t tell them what they want to hear to make them feel better, rather I tell them the blunt honest truth and sometimes that is exactly what they need to hear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

https://youtu.be/TR3Vdo5etCQ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty is always the best policy but bring too much heat and you're gonna get beat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not what you say or do but HOW you say or do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont see why honesty has to be brutal, it is possible to be honest without being a twat about it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honesty is ALWAYS best.

You won't be right for everyone but you'll waste far less time being upfront! "

This I agree with, I am always honest about myself, I can't help the way I am. I'd rather be honest than lie about myself.

I am never brutally honest, I always try to be honest about people in the nicest possible way.

I can't help how I am, I have always been the same. There are times when I wish I could be less open and honest believe me but its impossible for me!

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I am always honest. My friends think i am harsh but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you can still be honest without telling a person EVERYTHING. It depends on the relationship you have with a person. If I'm meeting someone for a NSA shag then chances are they don't need to know my deepest fears or whether I still love my ex. etc....

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By *enuineCoupleCheshireBBWCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Some people can't handle the truth or honesty

However sometimes you just gotta tell the truth

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Honesty is the best policy no matter how hard it may be to hear.

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

Can also work in a good way people

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

If asked a direct question I'll either answer it truthfully or I won't. I don't believe in being untruthful. Though I recognize that my truth can be different to someone else's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If asked a direct question I'll either answer it truthfully or I won't. I don't believe in being untruthful. Though I recognize that my truth can be different to someone else's "

This!

(we just did this in reverse

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone asks me a question I am honest with them, as I believe that honesty is the best policy from the off, in a friendship / relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty....no matter what others deserve respect, I don’t see how in not being honest we do that... yes there’s ways to deliver something which may hurt or upset ultimately it’s the right thing.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

I'm the same, I sometimes come on too strong but I can't be arsed with messing around, I'll say what needs to be said.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

I find people don't like to be called a cunt, when they clearly are acting like one or actually are one.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I find people don't like to be called a cunt, when they clearly are acting like one or actually are one."

totally agree

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I have a good friend and I think her hair cut is awful, it's been the same for the 20 years I've known her. She's never asked my opinion of it so I haven't said anything about it at all. Is that dishonest?

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

It's relative and circumstancial; also depends on whether you're a politician.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

As I said my truth may differ from others, your friend may love her hair cut. If she asked your opinion and you said it was lovely then yeah you would be. Though there's also a difference between saying it's awful and saying another style may suit her

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's relative and circumstancial; also depends on whether you're a politician."

Very true

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes, I think that way. If she ever asked me (she won't) I'd just say I think it would be a good idea to try it a bit longer for instance but I'd never say "it's awful, I've hated it ever since we've known each other" . My opinion of her hair isn't worth more than her own

I've had people be "honest" with me,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because when I have been, I have been told I’m really intense.

Now I have always seen brutal honesty as being the best policy, but should you bite your tongue sometimes?

What do you think?"

It’s a bit like “Jenga” Just pull out something every so often and hope it doesn’t collapse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brutality in all its forms never made the world a better place....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

#emotional intelligence

A quick search found this definition of 'brutal'...

direct and without attempting to disguise unpleasantness.

"the brutal honesty of his observations"

100% honesty cannot be appropriate 100% of the time.

Also are you sure that it's not just your opinion - your version of the truth?

Your opinion might crush someone's self confidence - is that appropriate?

Another person may give advice to help that person improve their self confidence.

Definately think before you speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a good friend and I think her hair cut is awful, it's been the same for the 20 years I've known her. She's never asked my opinion of it so I haven't said anything about it at all. Is that dishonest?"

Your opinion of her haircut is that its awful. Others may share your opinion, but opinions are not facts. Your friend may love her hair.

You've not been asked for your opinion, and you've not said anything, so cannot be accused of dishonesty. But if she were to ask "What do you think of my hair?" and you were to reply "Its fabulous darling!", then be careful not to poke her eye out as your nose extends...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's relative and circumstancial; also depends on whether you're a politician."

Should we tolerate dishonesty from politicians?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's relative and circumstancial; also depends on whether you're a politician.

Should we tolerate dishonesty from politicians?

We do, all the time.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Your opinion of her haircut is that its awful. Others may share your opinion, but opinions are not facts. Your friend may love her hair.

My thoughts exactly.

I've had people be "honest" with me about my clothes, hair, make up, the way I am with my children, my husband etc etc. Some of it is in line with my own opinion some not. I know that because someone believes something to be true it doesn't make it so.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I've had people be "honest" with me, "

There is nothing worse than people giving their "honest" opinions without being asked. They seem to forget it's an opinion not fact

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know that because someone believes something to be true it doesn't make it so."

Ahhh that old chestnut... belief. It's what all religions are based upon, and look at all the fucked up shite they cause?

R-Kelly believes he can fly, but that's not true, and he's a cunt.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Depends on your objectives and reassemble effects on people.

Treating others with respect means that we don't need to share our full internal thoughts diarrhea with all.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've had people be "honest" with me,

There is nothing worse than people giving their "honest" opinions without being asked. They seem to forget it's an opinion not fact "

I think the worst bit about it is they seem to be proud of the fact.

When I was pregnant with my first child and highly hormonal and emotional a man I hardly knew took it upon himself to tell me I was getting fat. When I reacted negatively to his brutal honesty he replied proudly "the truth never hurt nobody". I overlooked his use of a double negative and resisted the temptation to be truthful about his command of his native tongue and merely replied

"It never hurts the person telling it"

There is frequently, absolutely no need to be honest.

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